Stallions Don't Cry

Stallions Don’t Cry

by Scarlet Blaze

Chapter 3

When I got home from Canterlot, Marmalade said Twilight Sparkle had left a message.

“She said, ‘I got an appointment for you on Friday at 1.’  She also said, ‘Good luck.’ What’s that all about Twilight?” she asked me.

She had an expression of anger, like I was going behind her or something. Like I was having an affair and plotting to get away from her.

“Oh, well I-” I began to reply.

I stopped because of Sun. He was finishing up his dinner at the table, behind Marmalade and out of her view. He was waving his front legs wildly and shaking his head “no.” Fortunately I was no fool.

“I... I decided I was going to take Sun to Canterlot on Friday,” I explained.

Marmalade still seemed angry with me. Silent and waiting for me to continue to explain myself.

“I had all ready worked this week so they don’t need me this weekend. I thought it would be a nice treat to pull him out of school and spend the day and Canterlot... You know. Father-son bonding time.”

“Then why did she leave a message about an appointment?”

I looked to Sun again. He could not give me anything to work with. He just looked at me with pleading eyes. Under no circumstances was I to give away the secret between us.

“She got us a private tour at a museum,” I lied.

My wife raised her eyebrow.

“Yeah. I had called yesterday to ask if she could get us a tour,” I continued. “She has a lot of connections in Canterlot you know.”

“Oh really. Which museum?”

“The Smithsoneighon.”

Marmalade’s anger subsided and she had more of a concerned look.

“I wish you would talk with me about these things before you plan them,” she said.

I smiled and apologized. She lovingly nuzzled at my neck. I politely nuzzled back.

“I’m finished mom. Can I go?” Sun asked to interrupt our short moment.

“Oh! Yes,” Marmalade replied as she pulled away from my neck.

As I watched Sun hop upstairs I could not help but feel the moment ended too soon. For a moment I felt something between Marmalade and I. That moment I wanted to tell her what was going on with Sun. To tell her I loved her. The moment ended though and the love left. I guess it was just from being closer to one another for once. I had not touched her like that for quite some time. It was not what I hoped for. The moment was fleeting, like love.

“So you are okay with us going tomorrow?” I asked.

“Of course!” Marmalade said with a smile.

Something donned on her though:

“Why did she say ‘good luck?’”

I really had no way to explain that without telling the truth.

“I... don’t know. Good luck at keeping Sun entertained? I’m not sure,” I replied with a chuckle, hoping to brush off the question.

“Yeah. That mare probably isn’t as smart as people say she is,” Marmalade said as her way of concurring and with that she went to clean up Sun’s dishes.

I followed upstairs after Sun after that. He was pacing in a circle in the middle of his room. Practically trotting a circle into the floor. He immediately ceased when he heard my hoofsteps.

“Did she buy it?” he asked.

“Well, you saw most conversation,” I replied with a hint of jesting.

Sun let out a giant breath of relief.

“So I guess you heard about what we are doing this Friday,” I said. “We are going to Canterlot to see a psychologist.”

“A what?”

“A person to talk with. You know, like what you did with Ms. Sparkle a few days ago. You’ll get to talk with him about your feelings... about being a filly.”

A giant smile spread across Sun’s face.

“That sounds awesome!” he shouted with a jump in the air.

I could not help but smile with him. His excitement contagious.

“You know your mother will need to find out sooner or later, right?”

Sun stopped smiling. He began to cower a little at the thought.

“Why don’t you want her to know?” Querying further.

Sun paused for a bit. I was not sure if he was trying to come up with an answer or too afraid to give the one he already had.

“...She...she isn’t like you,” he finally spat out.

I had to chuckle at that.

“What’s that suppose to mean?”

Sun gave a heavy sigh and looked up at me with a gaze of innocence. As if pleading I would not be upset with what he was about to say:

“I remember about a year ago. I was in town with mom. We were getting apples when we went by two mares. A grey one and a white one with a crazy mane. I looked over and saw them kiss. I just thought it was kind of silly. I saw mom look to and she said... a bad word.”

I raised an eyebrow.

“What word did she say?”

“F...Faggots.”

Sun looked back to the floor ashamed he had even said it when I had asked him to.

“That wasn’t the only time,” he continued. “I hear her say things about other ponies all the time. She is alway judging them.”

He looked up at me, tears in his eyes. I had never thought of it before, but even just a moment ago Marmalade basically called Twilight Sparkle an idiot. It made sense when he pointed it out.

“But you never do. You never judge ponies! No matter how different they are.”

Sun began to cry deeply. Tears rolling down his face and falling to the floor. I gently kicked the door shut and sat down beside him. With my front legs I picked him up and hugged him. Sometimes you do not need to say you will always be there for somepony. Sometimes you just need to show it. I let his tears soak up in my coat, not letting go of him.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too,” I replied. “And I will never leave you because of who you are or what you do.”

***

The next day we went to Canterlot. To make the story convincing we left early and actually went the Smithsoneighon so we could say what we saw. It was fun to look through all the history of Equestria. Sun was most interested in the film exhibits. I guess seeing famous things was more fun than the other historical exhibits.

By 1 o’ clock we were at the psychologist’s office. He asked to speak with me in his office before he spoke with Sun. He was a grey maned stallion who appeared younger than the grey suggested. A glimpse at his flank revealed a cutie mark made up of ink blotches. I explained to the doctor what Sun was going through and that the websites had suggested psychological conformation. He praised me for not treating this like a disease of some kind. After a bit Sun went in the office and I waited in the waiting room.

I sat around for approximately an hour. I got a good laugh going through the pamphlets the receptionists had sitting on hand at the counter. One was “So You Have an Eating Problem?” and on the front was a picture of a cartoon pony that looked very sad and very skinny. A serious problem that I could not help laughing at. Another was titled “Clopping Problem?” and talked about how “excessive clopping” can be a psychological problem. I laughed at the idea of parents of older colts seeking help for a young fella simply curious about sex.

I had gotten up to “Say ‘Yay’ to Gay!” when Sun and the doctor exited his office. Sun was smiling again, like when he had spoken with Twilight. The doctor called me inside again so we could have another discussion.

“It is hard to just say after one visit, but it would be fair to say that these thoughts are not just passing,” he explained.

“...Meaning?” I had to ask, hoping for it to be dumbed down.

“That he has not just gotten some silly idea that will pass. If he truly is not a transpony it will take a bit for these thoughts to go away and we definitely do not want to go ahead with surgery on this.”

“So he’s not a transpony?” I asked, still confused by how he phrased things.

“I can not say. Like I said it is hard to say after one visit, but if I was forced to make a diagnosis now then I would say he is. That he would be happy and more fitting as a filly or mare then as he is now.”

I gave a small gulp and a nod of understanding.

“Now, if you wish to continue with this so we can be serious about Morning’s future-”

“We call him Sun,” I interrupted.

“...Sun’s future, then we will need to set up more appointments. This one was free because of Ms. Sparkle, but the rest will have to be paid for.”

“I understand, and this was awfully kind of you.”

He gave a nod.

“I recommend four more appointments,” the doctor continued.

“How much will that cost?”

“About 80 bits.”

I let a short burst of air escape my mouth. That was two months of grocery money just to have a guy listen to my son talk.

“Is that a ‘yes’ or ‘no?’” he asked.

I told him Sun and I would discuss this later. I got the office’s phone number and left. On the train ride home I asked Sun if he liked talking to the psychologist.

“Mhmm,” he replied. “He asked me about wanting be a filly. I told him some of the same stuff I told Ms. Sparkle. I told him how my body doesn’t feel right. How when I look at the other fillies at school I think about what it would be to be like them. How pretending to be one of them made me feel... normal.”

That night at home after dinner I went to the closet in the master bedroom. I dug with my hoof at one of the floorboards until it finally came loose. I pushed it aside and stuck the front of my head inside the darkness of the opened floor. I opened my mouth and felt around. Eventually my teeth brushed some leather and I bit down. I pulled out the entire bag hidden inside and set it on the floor of the bedroom. I tugged the string holding it closed with my teeth and open the bag, I proceeded to pour out the contents, letting bits fall all over the floor. I took my time counting them. I was not worried about Marmalade walking in. She was watching one of her sitcoms downstairs and it was near impossible to tear her away from them.

71 bits saved up over time. My stash of funds for if we ever needed them. I guess this was the best time if any. I placed all the bits back in the bag and went to Sun’s room. He was lying on his bed reading a book.

“Sun, can we talk?”

“Sure dad.”

A red glow came from his horn and around the book. Sun closed the book shut and hoped off the bed.

“What’s up dad?”

“The psychologist said that you should go back to talk with him more. Would you like to do that?”

Sun thought about it for a bit.

“Yes. I liked how we talked about if I was a filly. I think... I think it helps.”

“He wanted to see you more to make sure you were a transpony. And if he thinks so then we would eventually get the surgery to change you.”

Sun looked up with hopeful eyes.

“Then let’s go back!”

I smiled at him and trotted closer. I then hugged him close to me with my leg.

“I’ll set up some more appointments.”