Journal Of The Jersey Devil

by Napalm monster

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 1359

The Demon of New Jersey, the Leeds Devil finds himself far away from his habitat, with the ability to speak and is now smart enough to document his thoughts on a journal. He now ventures across Equestria, trying to adapt, and have fun on the way.

"Hello all you monkeys! Or humans, if ya wanna get technical r'whatevah, names J.D. or da Jersey Devil. So apparently I'm no longa in Jersey and am now stuck in some pink 'n pretty woild wit ponies who think I'm'a monster and want'a eat'em, and let me clarify dis ain't a diary 'r nothin', is'a journal, I ain't no Sissy Mary. Anyways, if yer readin' it, I'm either dead or yer snoopin', and FYI, I eat snoopers fer breakfast bro. On the off chance I am dead, then feel free to read my trials and my awesome adventures bro."

Warning: contains strong written, thick Jersey accent, strong language, and Jersey stereotyping.

Picture does not belong to me, nor does the Jersey Devil or the lore behind it. Story and concept belong entirely to me though.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-03 15:50:25 UTC

Day 1: Dis' ain't Jersey no mo'

"Okay, so dere's no polluted air in da sky, no littah 'r trash, dere ain't no monkeys in dheir cars honkin' or swearin' ta one anotha. Dis is definitely not New Jersey.

An hour ago I was sniffin' around my normal habitat, mindin' my own business till some flashy light appears and now I can talk and I'm more....ugh, what's the word? Aware 'r somethin', whatevah, anyways I'm suddenly smartah and I'm suddenly writtin' in dis book I found. Which I'm still tryin' ta figure out where it came from and da pen I'm writin' wit. Dhis is like my first time writin', like evah, but from years of pickin' up monkey talk, I know a few woids here and dere.

I got wings, I don't really use dem much since it's easier fer da monkeys ta spot me, especially wit dheir metal burds in da sky nowadays, though every now and then I use dhem whenever I get lost, my wings ain't what dey use ta be 170 years ago. Though, I still have aged phenomenally.

Anyway I do most of my travelin' on hoof now, last time I flew fer too long, I got shot wit a goddamn cannonball! I still got da bruises ta prove it. Damn monkeys.

But whatevah, I ain't complain', good ta get dat cardio! Anyway it's been two hours, and I've been walkin' through dhese woods, and if I wasn't sure before, I am now, I definitely ain't in Jersey. I know Jersey's woods like da back of my hoof, and dis ain't my territory or any territory I recognize. Everythings cleaner, no graffiti on da trees, no carvings wit dicks on da bark, it's like no monkey ever touched dhem, it's almost nice."

•••

"Okay so maybe dis place ain't so nice! I ran into some doggies wit bark fer fur. Luckily I spent years avoidin' monkeys so losin' 'em wasn't too hard. I mean normal dawgs are hard ta lose, but uuuhhh, nevahmind. So I've sniffin' around dhis place, and accordin' ta my nose, I can't pick up a trace of any monkey fer miles, a few othah animals sure, but no humies, at all. I ain't sure if dats good 'r bad, on one hoof no more hidin', maybe it's like a whole world wit no hummies, on another hoof, wat does dat all mean? no humans? Am I like in anotha dimension 'r planet? Gah! Thinkin' ain't fer no monstah, I haven't eaten in god knows how long. '

•••

J.D. put the pen between the pages of the pink and glittery notebook before closing it and putting it behind him which mysteriously disappeared. It's true though, he was both hungry and thirsty, he needed to hunt, but at the same time keep his presence low key. He stretched his wings and made a satisfying pop, making him moan in pleasure before rising up above the treeline. Around him was a thick forest of trees, on the west was a small village and a farm with lots of appletrees, but that was still miles away, there was a huge river between him and the town. Satisfied with this new information he settled back to the ground quickly before the chance of being spotted was high.

"Okay," J.D. crossed his arms, "I ain't in near Jersey or Manhattan, some weird village like way back in 1870's, furst things furst though. I'm starvin'."

Thanks to years in the wilderness. J.D. has sharpened tracking skills and nose that would make any bloodhound envy him. Since he was dehydrated though, water was definitely the first thing on his list of what to do next. And since he knew where was a river, there was no problem.

After a little walking J.D. arrived at the river and he quickly kneeled infront of the water and began licking it like a dog with his forked tongue. He could say this though, the water was cleaner and more tastier than the rivers he drank from home. He relished the non polluted water as he swallowed more from the clear, clean river, so much so he didn't really notice the giant serpent rise a few feet away to his right, stretching his arms, and turning his hips around, stretching, at first the sea serpent didn't notice the cryptid either, sipping from his river.

"Ahh!" The river serpent known as Steven Magnet said in relief, "There's nothing like a midnight swim to relax my aching muscles and letting all my worries just melt away."

The flamboyant sea serpent continued his little exercise until he was soon aware of the sound of water slurping near him. He turned his gaze around and was quickly stricken curious by the creature drinking from his home. It wasn't a pony, but it had ears and a muzzle similar to one, and it walked upright like a diamond dog, it had horns and wings too, sure pegasi had wings too, but he didn't remember them being tacky or leathery like bat wings. But, regardless, Steven was a kind, welcoming, sea serpent, despite that hideous shade of auburn and chestnut color on J.D. he still decided to do a little meet and greet, hoping he too was friendly.

"Well hello traveler, enjoying my home?" He said flamboyant as usual.

J.D. was quickly startled by the voice from nowhere until he looked and gasped in utter disbelief after seeing Steven Magnet. Afterall, he maybe a demon looking monster from South Jersey, but a purple sea serpent with mustache is just plain weird. He quickly overcame his shock, "Holy hell, dhere really is such a thing as a Loch-ness monstah!"

"Monster?" Steven raised an eyebrow, "Why would you say something like that to someone with a mustache as fabulous as mine, and would a monster keep his facial hair as perfect and groomed as mine?"

"Eh, I don't know, never met any anothah monstah, and I know myself is fah from normal." J.D. commented.

"Indeed, I lived in this forest for decades and I've never seen a creature like you. I've seen Manticores, Timberwolves, a Cockatrice who needed an attitude adjustment, a passing Chimera, maybe a Hydra, and etc. etc., but I simply never seen you, who and what are you?"

"Me? I don't know, I nevah asked anyone, fact of da mattah dis is da longest I've EVAH talked with somebody." J.D. admitted.

"Ooo!" Steven squealed before pulling J.D. to his side, "Well allow me to introduce myself, of course! Where are my manners, my name is Steven Magnet, the most fabulous sea serpent in this side of the Everfree forest."

"Steven? Evah free? Man dere is so many questions I got with dat one sentence you just said."

"Well it would be my pleasure to fill you in," Steven smiled, "We non-ponies have to stick together like brothers, bro." Steven winked.

J.D. paused, non-ponies?, but wait, "Bro? huh, I like da sound of that, bro."

"Okay so, I met dis sea serpent, says his name is Steven Magnet, pretty humie name fer a sea monstah. Da guy was real friendly tho. He filled me on the details, said I was in da Evahfree forest, cute name. Next he says, I'm in Equestria, land of talkin' ponies, flyin' ponies, magic ponies, etc. So I guess I really am on anotha planet wit no humies. Tho I am gonna miss one thing, rummaging through garbage and findin' hot dawgs and pizzah. Still dat means I'm no longer hunted by humies, at least I can use my wing more freely now. Hell dis could be da greatest thing fer me, I've been alone my whole life till I met Steven Magnet, atleast I can blend in bettah now, I mean, I'm no pink 'n pretty tiny horse, but I'm pretty close, and Steven says dere's ponies wit wings, and I got wings! call it instinct, but I got a good feelin' 'bout dis.

Steven said I can sleep near his rivah fer now, in da mornin' Ill figure out wat ta do. Goodbye Jersey, Hello Equestria bro!"