Reality
By
Darkstone57
Princess Luna opened her eyes to a long corridor with multiple doors all with a matching brown. The tile floor was beige to match the walls and ceiling around her and standing there, in the centre of the hall in front of a door, was a Pegasus stallion with a medium blue coat and a short brown mane and tail. He bore a brown beard in the form of a short stubble and wore a black hoodie. His brown eyes looked weary as he looked the door up and down, his breaths were deep and loud for a few moments before dropping his head releasing an exhausted sigh.
“For a long while,” Luna began, as she approached the stallion, her calm voice grabbing his attention, whom was surprised at her presence, “I haven’t seen a stallion whose soul is in as much turmoil as yours.”
She stopped before him as he turned to her and bowed his head, greeting her properly, “Your highness.” His voice was deep and controlled and his head still low.
“Rise, my little pony,” Luna gently told the stallion, “Please, tell me your name.”
“Leo Corwin, your highness.” Leo greeted politely.
“Please,” Luna raised her right hoof to object, “Call me Luna.”
Leo nodded curtly to the request.
“So, Leo,” Luna began turning her attention to what Leo was held up looking at, “Do you know what is behind this door?”
With a sigh, Leo looked at the door in question and gave a defeated nod, “Oh yeah.”
Luna turned to him with surprise, “You know the contents of this dream?”
To that, Leo nodded again, “It’s because I’ve been here before, quite a few times.”
Luna was surprised more at his words. It wasn’t often she had come across a pony with reoccurring dreams. But, before she entered Leo’s dreamscape, his soul was wrapped in various emotions, how had she not seen him before?
“Would you like to come in, Luna?” Leo politely asked, his hoof already holding the door open, slightly.
Luna was thrown off by his offer for a moment before she replied a curt nod.
Leo held the door open as he entered inside and Luna followed suit. The dream showed a small hall with various doors of what appeared to be a home, two doors to her left and one in front of her and a door to her right.
The floor had a grey carpet and the walls and ceiling, that had a light hanging from the centre, were clear beige and the doors were as white as Celestia’s coat. The second door was slightly open and Luna could make out a large bed next to a cot.
Before Luna could take another step, Leo held a polite hoof out. “Hold on a moment, please.”
Without a second to react Leo jump ahead slight and faced the door to the right, which was wide open, landing on his back hooves and bright smile on his face and happily called out; “Hey all!”
“Daddy!” Was the response as a pair of fillies leaped at Leo and caused him to fall back onto the carpet, whom he wrapped both in a warm embrace.
One was older than the other and had a light red coat and horn with a curly white mane and tail and emerald eyes. The younger had a pink coat and wings that had white tips on the end with a straight blonde mane and tail.
“And how are these monkeys doing, eh?” Leo said in a playful voice as he began to tickle the pair of them, whom let out squeals of glee and laughter.
“They’ve been alright, today, thank goodness.” A female voice stated calmly to Leo as he stopped tickling the fillies as he looked to see the recipient. She was a unicorn that had an aqua coat and curly blonde mane and tail with aquamarine coloured eyes. On top of her was a baby Pegasus filly that had a plum coat and had short pink hair and a short tail.
“Hmm,” Leo hummed in fake apprehension before he turned to the eldest of the sisters, “Have you behaved, Amber?”
“Yeah!” Amber replied cheerfully.
He then turned his attention to the younger one, “And, have you, Pearl?” He asked playfully, to which Pearl giggled before shaking her head, Leo responded a fake elongated gasp, “No! Then I suppose you need to be punished! Come here!” He said, as he gave Pearl and barrage of tickle attacks to which she laughed more and more loudly.
“Alright, alright,” The mother called to the trio, “Let’s all go and play in the living room where there’s space, ok?”
The tickling came to a halt as the fillies escaped their fathers grasp took off past their mother. Leo brought himself upright, “I was having fun there, Emmy!”Leo pouted.
“I know that,” Emmy replied, rolling her eyes, “But, you know I hate the squealing sometimes.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Leo brushed off her repeated complaints and brought himself closer to his partner, “How have you been, poppet?” Leo said to the baby who responded with blurbles and gurgles.
“Ame’s been alright, haven’t you?” Emmy asked the filly who responded happily with a slur of words only a baby could make sense of. The pair of them turned and went through the door. Leo was about to go ahead until he turned to Luna.
“How come they didn’t see you?” Leo asked curiously.
“In the dream realm, the only ones who can see me are the owners of their minds.” Luna said. “You have a beautiful family.”
Leo turned his head to see the door they came from; the older ones were playing with dolls whilst Emmy was out of sight. Leo gave a content smile and a heartfelt, “Yeah...”
“Leo,” Luna took a step closer grabbing his attention, “I came to you because your soul was entrapped in an amalgamation of strong feels of sadness and you say you have had this dream before...” Luna’s face showed she was worried for the stallion in front of him but knew she could only understand by asking, “What is it about this dream that breaks your heart so much?”
Leo slowly closed his eyes and gently lowered his head a bit. Luna feared she may have stepped too far, but, for this stallion’s sake, she had to ask.
After a few moments, he opened his eyes and she could see how exhausted they were. A moment ago, they were full of life at the sight of his family but now, they revealed the cause of his turmoil as he sadly looked at the cause of all his pain. Luna followed his gaze to see only one of the fillies playing on her own.
“Amber?” Luna asked, unsure of what to make of it, she looked at Leo to see at back of his eyes, tears began to well up.
“She...” Leo stopped himself before dropping his head and saying with a pained voice; “She was never born....”
At his words, the light broke and the room went black.
The next moment a brighter light shined to life and they were in another corridor.
Luna looked around to see that this was a part of a hospital.
“Canterlot Hospital...” Leo stated, grabbing her attention, to which he was standing in front of private patient room looking in, “The place where all my hopes and dreams for Amber came to die...”
Luna stood by his side to see his partner, Emmy sitting upright, weeping uncontrollably, and her hooves in her eyes.
“We...” Leo began, his voice strained as he struggled to explain, “We remained hopeful at the thought it was just a small problem and our little filly was alright, but...”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ‘YOU’RE SORRY’!?!” A familiar voice roared with fury from behind them. Luna around to see it was Leo, a younger version of him with longer hair and no stubble goatee, teeth clench and eyes blazing with anger at a stallion unicorn doctor their features unable to make out.
“Sir,” The doctor said calmly, “Please, I feel for you, but-“
“SHUT UP!!” Leo bellowed at the doctor before sucking in a deep breath to satiate his rage, “Two minutes ago you told us that there may be a slight chance we can do something to help our baby and now you’re saying there isn’t!?!” Leo took a step back and breathed heavily through his nose, shaking his head with frustration.
“I apologise, sir.” The doctor said with sincerity.
“You know...” Leo began, his anger present in his tone as he looked at the room where his partner wept, “I had all these hopes and dreams ready for our little filly... But when you said we lost her, I felt like some pony had just tore out my heart and left a hole in it and jammed it right back in again...” His voiced became more strained as he tried his best not to break down, “So many plans I had... So many things I wanted to do... And then, you...” His rage returning to the forefront as he turned to the doctor, “You came along and said there may be a ‘slight percent’ where you can help our baby... In that moment, I never wanted something so much more in my life to be true. And, now, you’re saying you’re sorry?” Leo asked him with pure disbelief.
The doctor hung his head low in shame. Leo wanted to unleash his anger on him so badly but it took all of his being to stop himself from launching at the doctor, his eyes twitching in anger. But, Leo turned to the room and took a slow step toward it before saying, “Just... go. Leave us for a bit, please...” He calmly told the doctor without looking at him.
“Sir... I am-“
“I SAID,” Leo stopped himself from turning around and lunging at the doctor by taking one long deep breath, “Go...please...” Was all Leo said, under a pained voice, before walking into the room.
Leo stopped before the bed to see Emmy look at him with a heartbroken face, the sight of her face made him break down into tears as the two parents embraced each other in unified sorrow over the loss of their unborn filly.
The scene dissipated in front of the dream watchers eyes as it returned to the star filled corridor of the dream realm.
Luna looked Leo, a broken stallion, who had his head hung low once more before he took in a lungful and look Luna in the eye.
“She would have been five soon...” Leo painfully admitted.
“I’m so sorry for your loss.” Luna heart fully apologised as she wiped a tear away from her eye.
“It’s alright...” Leo replied with a slight chuckle, he looked upon the dream around them and smiled contently. “There are nights where I don’t dream about her... I can go for ages without even so much as a thought about her... But,” His smile faded, “At any given moment, I hear a song, I read something or some pony says something and then, just like that, boom... It all comes back to that day.”
Luna did nothing but listen to this fathers pain as he went on.
“When we found out our second one was on the way, I walked to work every day telling myself, ‘It will not happen again, they will be fine, it will all be alright’... On the day of the birth I went through the longest minute of my life... For one whole minute after she gave birth to our little Pearl, we didn’t hear her cry... The doctors looked her over and did all they could and when I heard that little monkey scream her heart out,” Leo gave a proud smile, “I never felt so relieved in my life...”
Luna shared his smile.
“A couple of years after that, our third one, Ame, came out all happy and healthy and our Pearl was so happy to see her when she was born. I thought she would have been jealous about Ame having the attention but Pearl has been nothing but caring and helpful.” Leo chuckled at thought of it all for a moment before his smile faded, “And yet...”
Luna could see the anguish in his face and knew where he was going.
“I wanted so much for Amber. I was going to become a member of the Royal Guard, be a role model for her and teach her all the rights and wrongs in life. Tell her that she wouldn’t have any colt-friends until she was eighteen. Watch her become more of a success that I ever could be with a mile wide smile and see her change the world for the better in what she would be...” Tears began to fall from his face, “And now, all I have left are nothing but a gaping hole in my heart and mind tormented with what ifs; What if she was born? Would she be happy? Would I have done enough? But, in the end, all of it is pointless because no matter how hard I want it to be so, no matter how hard I wish for it, I have to deal with the fact that those thoughts and that hole will never go away and will haunt me when I think about the reality that my little Amber is dead!” He yelled the painful truth out to nowhere.
Luna did her best to rush him into a hug only to see him turn back to her, look Luna in the eyes and through ragged breaths he asked one last question before he broke into tears; “Why did she have to die?”
Luna did nothing but embrace Leo in a tight hug as he cried his eyes out.
Evening had arrived over Canterlot. The park was quiet on this sunset evening as Leo, Emmy, Pearl and Ame, who was awake in a pram chirping away, came to a stop in a clearing.
“This spot should do.” Leo stated as he turned to Pearl. The little filly was holding a red balloon, tightly, in her grasp that had the words ‘Happy Birthday’ written in white.
Emmy lowered her head down, “Are you ready?” She asked Pearl who gave a polite nod.
Pearl turned her head to the sky, before giving the balloon a kiss, “Happy Birthday, Sis.” With that, she let go and stepped back to her parents and sister who were all huddled together as they watched the balloon, with content smiles, drift gently into the sky up and away.
Unbeknownst to them, from her tower, Princess Luna watched them through the telescope and turned her sight to the rising balloon and watched it rise into the sky, hoping their message would reach them and said quietly, “Happy Birthday, Little Amber.”
The End
Author's Note
I've been holding off on this for a LONG time.
After reading Anonpencil's story of the painful loss of miscarriage and how it hit home so much... I thought I would tell me story in a way to all of you. It took me a lot to do this.
I will only say these things;
- Yes, I did lose a child, who would have been five years old soon, in April.
- I do have two other children and I love them and my partner with all my heart.
- That hospital scene, actually happened. I'm surprised we didn't get kicked out sooner.
- It took me a long time to accept the loss of my first child. I was only 19.
- I will not disclose any information on my family at all.
I hope this helps anyone who has suffered how I have suffered. Take care, all.
We miss you everyday, our little baby, we will never forget you.
