FRIENDSHIP.TXT

by Thoth

Rating: mature
Tags: Spike, Tragedy, Random, Crossover, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy, Other, Romance
Length: 2582

The Mane 6 are about to meet the most psychotic, morbid, swag-filled ponies ever...themselves.

Everypony sometimes wonders about themselves, and who they would be if they weren't the pony they grew up to be. In the case of the Mane 6, they AREN'T psychotic, insane and full of swag. What happens when they meet the very ponies they aren't?...some bucking weird things, for sure. All that can be guaranteed is that heads will roll and swag will be had.

FiM/.MOV ponies crossover. Rated M for obvious reasons.

Published 2012-07-06 19:14:03 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-06 19:14:03 UTC

HASBRO.CHP

WARNING:

This is a crackfic.

You may hate me, or may love me. I only ask you don't lose any respect for me.

Enjoy the madness.

...

"Pinkie, mind tellin' me why you let 'em in in the first place?" Applejack groaned with an annoyed expression as she sat in a chair, tied up rather thoroughly to the back of it. Next to her was the mentioned pink Earth pony, who smiled thoughtfully.

"Wellll, they seemed really nice at first! In fact, they even looked-" Pinkie Pie began to try and explain herself, before a blue hoof laid a well-placed smack across the pink mare's face.

"Shut up you dumb bitch!" The owner of the blue hoof shouted into the face of Pinkie Pie, who happened to look a lot like Rainbow Dash, only much more disturbing and deformed. In fact, the face of this pony was downright creepy.

"Now, for the last time, where are the Elements of Harmony?" The purple unicorn that had suddenly barged into Twilight Sparkle's library only moments ago with five other ponies and had tied the six friends up asked, half-hidden by a curtain of darkness along with the other ponies with her. In front of the ponies was the always-familiar Mane 6, who all were in the same condition; tied up to the backs of their chairs and all donning terrified expressions.

"Look, for the last time, we can't tell you! You aren't the bearers of the elements OR one of the princess...es!" Twilight Sparkle replied in a frustrated mood. It was clear that she had lost the last of her patience with these ponies, whatever had occurred in the conversation before.

"Would you just give us the damn Elements already? I'm missing Ponywives of Fillydelphia because of this!" A pink-colored yelled as she stepped out of the shadows, revealing herself to be shockingly similar in appearance to Pinkie Pie.

"Didn't you hear Twilight Sparkle before, darling? We can't tell you!" Rarity replied with a rather shaky tone. It was clear this situation was rather traumatizing for her either that, or the appearance of the other white unicorn in the room was disturbing her that looked somewhat like the beautiful, white mare.

"Shut up, bitch!" The pink mare shouted as she pointed an accusing hoof at the now taken-aback Rarity.

"When did I say that?" The purple unicorn hidden in the shadows asked, her tone purely composed of perplexed emotion.

"I think they're talking about the other Twilight," The blue Pegasus stated with a rather slow-sounding tone with an action similar to a human like yourself sticking your hands in your designer jeans...unless you're one of those rich jerks who wear slacks...in that case, screw you.

"Dash! I mean, I'm not Twilight!...Err...NO ONE SPEAKS TO THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ!" The purple unicorn exclaimed suddenly with a dramatic raise of a hoof. All of the sudden, the rest of the room lit up with a simple flicker of a candle, and it fully-lit the six ponies parallel to the Mane 6 and each of them bared a striking resemblance to each other.

"Twilight, just cut the shit already," Spike groaned from across the room as he held a lit lantern in his claws. His expression reflected the same sort of emotion.

"Spike, language!" Twilight Sparkle scolded like the mother of a foul-mouthed colt. The dragon's face quickly balled itself into a look of pure confusion.

"What did I do?"

Suddenly, another Spike was right next to the Spike holding the lantern. The differences were slight, but Twilight Sparkle quickly realized that the shorter, less mature-sounding Spike was her dragon.

Wow, Twilight Sparkle thought to herself, when did this get so confusing?

"Just get on with it, Twilight!" The false Spike shouted as he threw his claws into the air in irritation, realizing only after that he had tossed the lantern, which had broken and had already lit a pile of books on fire. The real Twilight Sparkle reminded herself to punish these ponies in more than one way afterwards.

"Now, tell us where the Elements are! We need them to stop Discord! Only the Elements are powerful enough to vaporize Discord into...vapor," 'Twilight Sparkle' explained as she slowly trotted to the middle of the two groups of ponies. She seemed to be the only pony of the six intruders that was a decent-speaking pony.

"B-but isn't Discord already defeated?" Fluttershy finally piped-up, her shaky tone and tear-stained face easily reflecting her absolutely terrified mood. In response, a book was sent flying into the Pegasus' face, knocking her and the chair over to the floor.

"That'll teach that dumb bitch," The Rainbow Dash look-alike muttered as she tossed a book up and down on her hoof.

"Hey! You mess with Fluttershy, you mess with me!" The 'real' Rainbow Dash exclaimed, her rose-colored eyes quickly fueling into hot red as she attempted to break free of her bond to the chair, but to no avail.

"Quite it ya dumb cunt. Ya ain't goin' 'till you tell us where those Element things are," The other Rainbow Dash replied with an annoyed expression.

"Yeah, that's right!" The rather freakish-looking Fluttershy imposter said with a huge grin and deep voice.

All of the sudden, another book ran through the air, this time socking the other Fluttershy right in the face and knocking her to the floor.

"Whoops, was aiming for you, not the other Fluttershy!"

"Untie me and see what happens! I'll take you all on myself!" The real Rainbow Dash continued to spout, looking as if she could actually break out of the ropes the six ponies had been tied in.

"Man, I feel like this is Bizarro or some shit like that," The deformed Pinkie Pie remarked with a bored tone as she surveyed the six ponies in front of them.

"Hey Rainbow Dash, shut that fucking bitch up," The Bizarro Applejack sighed, resting herself on a random nearby chair.

"I'm on it, I'm on it," Bizarro Rainbow Dash muttered as she made her way over to the struggling Rainbow Dash. Without warning, Bizarro Rainbow Dash quickly pulled her leg back into a kicking motion, and swung forward, landing a blow directly into the real Rainbow Dash's you-know-what.

However, this only prompted Dash to stop struggling and then stare at Bizarro Rainbow Dash with a perplexed look. Bizarro Rainbow Dash had the same look on her face for a time, before a look of realization struck her face.

"Ohhhh yeah, I forgot. No dick."

"So, are you freaked out now?" Bizarro Applejack asked, her expression of accomplishment as she put her hooves to her hips in an oddly human-like fashion. Rainbow Dash, who was still confused by the sudden kick from Bizarro Rainbow Dash, raised her eyebrow in confusion.

"Uhhh, no? Just really angry," Rainbow Dash responded, almost unsure of how to answer the question.

"Bizarro Angry?" Bizarro Rainbow Dash asked with a attentive tone.

"Twilight, if these six tramps aren't going to talk, I recommend we just gut them," Bizarro Rarity, a rather obese white unicorn, stated with a smug, sadistic grin.

"Hey hey hey, that sounds like fun!" Bizarro Fluttershy exclaimed with an excited expression as her face light up in the mention of gutting.

"Shut up! No one asked you, bitch!" Bizarro Rainbow Dash yelled as another book hailed down onto Bizarro Fluttershy's face.

"Can we do her first? She looks a lot like me, or am I looking in the mirror again?" Bizarro Pinkie Pie stated, standing near the tied-up Pinkie Pie, who had been smiling the entire time since the ponies had been tied up.

"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie Pie greeted with a huge grin, normally characteristic of Pinkie. The fact she was tied up and smacked in the face before didn't even reflect at this point.

"Hi. I'm drunk," Bizarro Pinkie Pie replied groggily with an equally-large grin.

"Look, fine! We'll tell you where the Elements of Harmony are! Just untie me and I'll show you to them," Twilight Sparkle said with a rather well-disguised motive. After all, the purple unicorn's wink in Applejack's direction was a dead giveaway.

"Good idea, Twilight. Get untied, and you can jump 'em..." Applejack whispered with a confident smile.

"Shut it, me!" Bizarro Applejack shouted as she suddenly whacked Applejack in the face with a randomly-placed baseball bat, effectively knocking out the Southern pony.

"Applejack!" The remaining four ponies exclaimed with terrified expressions.

"Now, where are those diamonds?" Bizarro Twilight Sparkle asked, shoving her face extremely close to the actual Twilight Sparkle's face. Her glare wasn't really scaring Twilight, moreso it was just plain creepy. The eyes were what made it most terrifying, really.

"...I thought you wanted the Elements of Harmony?" Twilight Sparkle groaned, her expression flattening into an annoyed, flat-browed one. Bizarro Twilight Sparkle's expression suddenly turned to one of realization, then quickly to confusion.

"Uhhh-"

"Well now we want both! Show 'em how serious we are, Pinkie!" Bizarro Rainbow Dash exclaimed, suddenly pulling out what appeared to be a pistol. Without warning, Bizarro Pinkie Pie quickly grabbed the gun and plugged it into her gaping mouth.

BANG!

Suddenly, headless pony.

"SWEET CELESTIA!" Twilight Sparkle screamed out, obviously absolutely terrified by the sudden display. Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash vomited and Rarity fainted in terror.

As Bizarro Pinkie Pie's headless body plopped to the floor, a giant, colorful rainbow suddenly shot out of her blown off head instead of gushing blood.

"Boy, I sure am glad that wasn't blood! I would've been offended as shit!" Bizarro Applejack exclaimed, poking her head down to get a good look at the remains of Bizarro Pinkie.

"Thank goodness for Standards and Practices!" Bizarro Twilight Sparkle exclaimed with a sudden gleeful wave of her hoof and a grin.

"Look, we'll do anything you want! Just don't hurt my friends!" Twilight Sparkle pleaded, now realizing that these insane ponies weren't playing around with them if they intended to kill them if they didn't meet their demands.

Both Bizarro Applejack and Bizarro Rainbow Dash shared thoughtful glances, and then Bizarro Applejack smiled nefariously.

"You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" Bizarro Applejack chuckled.

"Tentacle rape?" Bizarro Rainbow Dash suggested with a completely straight expression.

"Close. I was thinking of interrogation," Bizarro Applejack said with a satisfied grin.

"How is that close?" Bizarro Twilight quickly asked with a confused face. Without any other questions, Bizarro Applejack grabbed the back of Twilight Sparkle's chair and dragged it away along with Twilight, who simply sat with a terrified expression at what was about to come. Without any other happenings, Bizarro Applejack dragged the chair through a nearby door in the library and shut the door behind her.

"Now, who's feeling talk-y?" Bizarro Twilight asked with a straight face as she skimmed her eyes across the remaining ponies in the room. Of course, there wasn't much to survey. Applejack was still knocked out from the blow from the bat, Rarity had fainted, Pinkie Pie was simply grinning just as widely as when they had started, Fluttershy was knocked out, and Rainbow Dash was currently recovering from her nausea outburst.

"When am I going to get more lines in this story?" Bizarro Rarity asked, her smug tone clearly shining through as she tapped her multiple chins with her hoof.

Then Bizarro Rainbow Dash blew her fucking brains out.

"RAINBOW DASH! What in the hell did you do that for?" Bizarro Twilight shouted angrily, while Bizarro Rainbow Dash stared at the gun she had just used to kill Bizarro Rarity.

"Eh, I dunno. The script said so," Bizarro Rainbow Dash replied with a bored shrug.

"Hey Rainbow Dash, do you want to be interrogated next?" Pinkie Pie asked, about ready to explode in excitement. She received a glare from Rainbow Dash at first in response.

"Pinkie, shut up..." Rainbow Dash groaned as she attempted to recoup from her vomiting escapade.

"Yeah, tell that bitch!" Bizarro Rainbow Dash exclaimed as she pumped her hoof in approval. All of the sudden, Pinkie's chair began to hop up and down radically.

"Is she having a seizure?" Bizarro Spike finally spoke up, his tone actually sounding rather concerned in nature.

"Nope. That's her Pinkie Sense," Spike replied, somehow actually resting against a bookcase next to Bizarro Spike. It seemed the two had been quite content at the back of the room.

"It means something is about to explode!"

Before anyone could panic, a loud scream echoed from beyond the door that Bizarro Applejack and Twilight Sparkle had entered before. From clear deduction, the scream clearly belonged to Twilight.

"You get your hooves off Twilight!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed angrily as she attempted to flap her wings wildly to get out of the ropes tying her to the seat.

"So, now that your friend is being tortured, maybe you'll talk?" Bizarro Twilight asked with a nefarious chuckle as she rubbed her hooves together evilly.

"Uhhhh, aren't most of us knocked out?" Pinkie Pie asked suddenly, actually making a good point.

"Umm, Fluttershy? Interrogate the other Fluttershy," Bizarro Twilight commanded. Bizarro Fluttershy quickly raised her head at the call of her name, a hacksaw firmly clutched in her mouth.

"Hey hey hey, can I use a hacksaw in the interrogation?" Bizarro Fluttershy asked with a wide, hacksaw-filled grin.

Before she could get an answer, however, a bang on the wooden door that had shut a few minutes ago suddenly echoed through the library.

"Boy, she's really killin' her," Bizarro Rainbow Dash commented, trotting over near the door and attempting to listen in on what was going on.

"Am I the only one who's really confused right now?" Pinkie Pie suddenly asked as she glanced all around the library, as if trying to play a game of 'I Spy'.

"For the last time, where are the diamonds?" Bizarro Twilight asked, now rather tired in her tone.

"I thought you wanted the Elements of Harmony?" Rainbow Dash asked with an annoyed tone. Suddenly, the library door swung open, revealing an untied Twilight Sparkle and Bizarro Applejack, both of their manes tussled and their coats soaked in anger and something water-like.

"Wow, no Elements there," Bizarro Applejack muttered, walking out of the doorway with a straight expression. Meanwhile, Twilight Sparkle simply sat with an absolutely bug-eyed expression. It seemed like she had been frozen in pure fear.

"So you're saying you couldn't get the location of the Elements out of Twilight Sparkle?" Bizarro Twilight asked with an irritated look towards Bizarro Applejack.

"...Something sure came out," Bizarro Applejack muttered under her breath as she walked by and left the library through the front door.

"Ya know what, screw this. I'm done," Bizarro Rainbow Dash muttered as she made her way outside right behind Bizarro Applejack.

"...Screw this," Bizarro Twilight muttered angrily, her interest in the subject finally being lost as she simply turned around and trotted out of the library.

"Hey Twilight, can you untie us?" Rainbow Dash asked tiredly, simply completely tired of everything that had just occurred.

"...it had a penis..." Twilight Sparkle simply stated, her voice not losing or gaining any emotion or energy. There was too much of a disturbed attitude to be able to convey much more emotion. Rainbow Dash's confused expression simply conveyed all that was left to be needed.

"Was it big?"

"This has been the most disturbing day of my life."

HEY HEY HEY, HAPPY DEUS EX MACHINA!

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