Lights, Camera, Action!

by Matthew Penn

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life
Length: 2601

Spike learns how difficult it is to make a movie with your friends, and why collaboration needs communication.

On a typical Saturday morning, Spike makes a new friend in a colt named Buster when he stops by the Golden Oaks Library to return a book. Seeing they have so much in common, he and Spike decide to spend their day together making a movie, in which Spike is the leading star and the director.

With no script, no budget, few actors, some instances of meddling and a lack of communication, Spike will do whatever he can to complete his cinematic magnum opus.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-04 02:50:01 UTC

Act I

On a Saturday morning, Twilight Sparkle went out to spend time with one of her other friends, Dr. Hooves the inventor. Spiked decided to stay home. He thought the two were going to talk about science, magic, and inventing all day. He didn’t want to get bored.

Spike had the Golden Oaks Library to himself. He made himself a late-breakfast, retreated his favorite sofa chair to read one of his pulp magazines. The library was quiet that morning.

There was a knock on the door. Spike sat up from his chair and went to open the door.

“Is the library open?” a young colt said. “I want to return this book.”

Spike forgot the Golden Oaks Library was actually a library. He let the colt inside so he can return the book he borrowed. He looked at the cover and hid a smile, noticing the book was one of Spike’s favorite, The Adventures of Robin Hoof. It was one of the books he remembered Twilight read to him when was younger.

“Do you have a bathroom?” the colt asked.

“Down the hall, to your right,” Spike said.

He watched the colt find his way to the bathroom, and when he was gone Spike looked through the book. The illustrations he remembered were still there, with the same bright colors that popped right out of the page.

The toilet flushed and the colt was out of the bathroom. He looked around, he too noticing how empty the library was, except for him and Spike.

“Thanks for letting me use your bathroom. It was a long walk from where I live,” said the colt.

“Don’t mention it. This is a public library, after all,” said Spike. At least he thought it was. He looked at the colt again. “So did you like Robin Hoof?” he asked.

The colt looked at Spike, surprised to hear that question from him. Nopony had ever asked him if he liked anything before.

“I… I like it a lot,” he answered. “It was much different from the movie, but I thought it was pretty good.”

“Which one? There are a bunch of different movies about him,” said Spike.

“The one from… a long time ago,” the colt said. “With that actor - I forget his name. He was very famous during that time.”

“Errol Whitetail?” asked Spike.

The colt nodded. “That’s the one,” he said.

“I remember that one, too. I saw it on TV not too long ago. It’s a classic movie,” said Spike. “Have you seen the animated one where he was a fox?”

The colt smiled. “I love that one!” he laughed. “You know since he was a fox they changed his name to Robin Hood instead of Hoof.” he laughed again.

They both agreed that those were the only two Robin Hoof films that everypony must see, no exceptions. When their conversation ended, there was that awkward silence again.

“Well, I guess I have to get going now,” said the colt. He made his way to door. “It was nice talking to you.”

Spike stopped him. “Um, hey, if you don’t mind… do you think we can hang out for a little while? It can get really boring here.”

The colt looked around the empty library and nodded in agreement to what Spike said. “Sure,” he answered. “But what about the library? Won’t the librarian get mad there’s nopony watching it?”

“Don’t worry, nopony hardly comes here,” said Spike.

The colt, whom Spike learned his name was Buster, had decided to stay with Spike until the day ended. They talked about their favorite things, mostly their favorite movies. It was in that moment that Spike had an idea of how to spend the day. He rushed into the room he and Twilight shared, searched the closet and found a video camera. He and Buster were going to make a movie.

Not just any movie. The greatest movie ever made. A movie so great that ponies will talk about it for ages to come.

“Don’t we need a script?” asked Buster.

“We’ll shoot it as we go,” said Spike.

“What is it going to be about?” asked Buster.

Spike shrugged.

The first scene they shot was in front of the library. Spike found suits he and Buster can wear, black suit jackets with white buttoned shirts and black ties, along with some sunglasses. Later he attached the camera on top of a tripod and placed it in front of the library. He pressed the record button and rushed inside. Together, Spike and Buster slowly walked out wearing their costumes for the movie. Then they stopped, looked at each other and nodded. Spike paused the camera, thinking about the next part.

“We should say something to each other,” he said.

“Like what?” asked Buster.

Spike took a moment to think. “Just follow my lead,” he said.

Buster nodded.

Spike pressed the record button again, put on his acting face, and looked at Buster. “Have you heard the news, Agent B?” he said with a deep voice. “There’s aliens hiding among us, and soon they’re going to take over the world.”

“I guess that means it’s up to us to do something about it,” added Buster.

“Oh yeah.”

Spike stopped the camera. “I just realize something,” he said. “We’re going to need weapons.”

He rushed back to the library. A few minutes later he returned with a butterfly net and a toy mallet.

“How are we going to fight aliens with these?” asked Buster.

“These are all I could find. Sorry,” said Spike.

“They don’t look very threatening,” said Buster.

“But we can still make them work.”

He gave the butterfly net to Buster, told him to look at the camera while Spike pressed the record button. They made a pose for the camera. Spike looked at Buster, silently telling him to do exactly as he did.

“Agent B, what season is it?” asked Spike.

“Alien season, Agent S,” answered Buster.

Spike stopped the camera. “Next scene,” he said.

“We need a cool shot of us walking,” said Buster.

Spike agreed, but soon realized they need a camera pony. He began to think, and as soon as he turned his head he saw a colt with green hair pulling a miniature wagon. Spike recognized him as Snails.

“Hey Snails, can you come here for a sec?” Spike called.

Snails approached them. “What’s up?” he said.

“This is my friend Buster. We’re making a movie and we need a camera pony. Will you be ours?”

Snails considered his options. He looked at the toy wagon filled with junk, then at Spike and his friend wearing suits and sunglasses. He thought some more. Whatever they were doing had to be much interesting than what he was doing.

“Sure, I’m game,” said Snails.

Spike and Buster hoofed each other. They have their camera pony.

Snails walked backwards while holding the camera with his magic. Spike and Buster walked side by side, holding their mallet and butterly net, looking as cool as possible. Sometimes Snails had to look behind him to make sure he didn’t run into anyone or anything. When Spike felt they had enough footage he said “cut.”

“So what’s next?” asked Buster.

Spike stroked his chin, thinking.

“What’s this movie about, anyway?” asked Snails.

“Guys who fight aliens, I guess,” said Buster. “We don’t have a script.”

Spike continued to think, then snapped his fingers.

“Let’s go to the park,” he said. “We can make a fight scene there.”

“But we need more ponies, though,” said Snails, and Buster nodded.

Spike stroked his chin, thinking. Then he heard voices coming his way. There were some other colts talking and laughing about something. He stopped them.

“Hey guys, how would like to be in a movie? My friends and I are making one and we need extras. So what do you say?”

The colts looked at each other, then at Spike, the colt holding the camera, and the other colt wearing the same suit and glasses Spike was wearing. They thought some more.

“Uh… sure, okay,” one of them said.

Spike turned his friends with a raised thumb. Everything was going smoothly.

“Costumes,” Buster finally said as they entered the park. “We need costumes for them. How will the audience know they’re aliens if they don’t look like aliens?”

Spike thought, then looked at the colts.

“We don’t have to reveal them just yet. They can be aliens disguised as ponies. We can deal with the costumes later.”

Spike gazed at the wide open space of the park, and thought of the perfect scene to film. He told the colts what to do and when to do it, and they nodded. Then he told Snails to begin recording when he said so. Spike began to think of something else, stroking his chin.

“What is it?” asked Buster.

“We need something… like an alien detector.”

Something came up in Buster’s mind. He owned a pen that either produces a red light when he press the button on the top or a blue light when he wrote something. Unfortunately he left it at home. He looked around, and found a rock by his leg. He picked it up.

“We can use this,” he said. “It’s flat.”

“Well, I guess that’ll have to do,” said Spike.

He told Snails to get ready to record the scene. Then he told the colts to get ready for when he gave the signal.

“Wait, do I say ‘action’ or do you say ‘action?’ ” asked Snails.

Spike shrugged.

Then shooting began. Snails followed Spike and Buster as they walked. Buster held the flat rock he found.

“The alien detector is detecting something,” Buster said. “This area is filled with alien activity.”

Spike gently nudged him, so they stopped walking. Buster’s arm shook. “Whoa, it’s going crazy!”

“You don’t think we’re in for a surprise attack, do you?” Spike said, loudly.

He made a face at the camera, then Snails turned away from him. Now the camera was focused on the colts, who emerged from out from the bushes.

“I don’t think these guys are showing us a way out of here,” said Spike. He saw the camera was still on the colts, and called for Snails. When he and Buster were the focus, he repeated his line. Spike drew his hand across his neck, and Snails stopped the camera.

“Anything wrong?” asked Buster.

“I’m thinking about the choreography.”

Spike produced images of the fight scene in his head. When the fight was perfected in his head, he told everyone what was going to happen. Then everyone was at their places. Snails yelled action, and the fight began. Fake punches and kicks were delivered, the actors giving their best dramatic grunts and groans. Snails recorded everything. Buster caught one of them with his butterfly net, and the other two retreated. Spike told Snails to stop recording.

“That was great,” said Buster. “I never been in a fight scene before.”

“Do you get all that?” Spike asked Snails.

“Sure did.”

Everyone gathered around him. He played the scene back for them, and they all approved of what they saw. Spike smiled to himself. Everything was coming together.

“What are y’all doing?” someone asked.

Spike and the others looked and saw three fillies gazing at them, confusingly. Only Spike and Snails knew who they were, Buster and the other colts did not recognize them. The fillies were named Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo, collectively known as the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

“Hey. What’s up?” said Snails.

“We saw y’all boys roughhousing and what not,” said Apple Bloom. “What’s going on?”

“We’re making a movie,” said Buster.

“Wow, a movie? Can we be in it?” said Scootaloo. “I can be a stunt pony! You definitely need a stunt pony!”

Spike scratched his head. “Well, you see, we have a tight schedule, and I’m not sure if - “

“So what’s the movie about?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“Aliens taking over the world,” answered Buster.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders spoke at once, deciding they wanted to be in Spike’s movie as well.

“Okay, okay, you all can be in the movie,” Spike said. “I just have to think parts for all of you.”

“I don’t need a big part, I just want to be a stunt pony,” said Scootaloo.

“Okay, but we have to finish this one scene first,” said Spike.

“I thought we finished the fight scene,” said Buster.

“Yes we are, but we captured one of them and we need to interrogate.”

Spike told Buster to put the net back on the colt’s head, then he told the colt to lie on the grass. Spike motioned for Snails to ready the camera. Since there was no script to follow, they had to improvise. The Cutie Mark Crusaders stood aside, watching with interest as the scene unfold.

“All right you alien scum,” Spike said. “You better tell us the plans for the invasion if you know what’s good for you.”

“I will tell you nothing,” the colt said, making the best alien voice he could. “Earth will be ours for the taking! Long live the Empire!” The colt wriggled and squirm, like laid still, mouth opened. Spike said “cut.” There was applause from the Crusaders.

“Did you just die?” Spike asked the colt.

The colt shrugged. “I thought it was appropriate.”

One of the other colts mentioned he had to go home to his mother soon, so he left the group. Spike sighed, and told the others they can go with him if they wanted. With the colts gone, that left the Cutie Mark Crusaders, who were very eager to be in the movie.

“So what’s the next scene?” asked Scootaloo. “Something exciting? Can I do any stunts?”

“I don’t know yet. I’m making this up as I go,” said Spike.

“What have you got so far?” asked Sweetie Belle.

Buster explained that he and Spike are playing the parts of secret agents on a mission to stop an alien invasion of Earth. Because the colts had to go home, they had to find other ponies to play the parts of the aliens.

“I can be an alien,” said Scootaloo. “Rainbow Dash taught me a bunch of martial arts moves we can use for fight scenes!”

“It’s not really a fighting movie,” Spike tried to say, “it’s more of a detective type -”

“I have an idea,” said Sweetie Belle. “What if there was a character who was in love with an alien, and tries to stop the agents from foiling their plans?”

Spike frowned. He never intended the movie to have a romantic subplot. Buster liked the idea, as did the Crusaders. Snails was doing whatever he was told to do, so he didn’t care as long as he was holding the camera.

“We should have a scene at the orchard,” said Apple Bloom. “It can be like them crop circles my cousin Josey always talks about.”

“How are we going to make crop circles?” asked Spike.

“I can draw some and place it over the camera,” said Buster.

“And there should be explosions,” Scootaloo said. “Really big explosions!”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders and Buster excitedly shared all the great ideas they had for scenes and set pieces. Spike wanted to have his input on the matter, him being the unofficial director, but nopony paid any attention to him. Meanwhile, Snails sat on the grass and recorded himself making funny faces. Spike glared at him, hoping there was still tape left for filming.