the devil cuts loose, zing boom
It was a normal day in Canterlot. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, somepony was evading taxes, the Flower Trio over in Ponyville were on the verge of a meltdown because the store ran out of their favorite brand of shampoo, the now-deposed Chrysalis was somewhere in the world as opposed to with the hippie commune the changeling hive had become, and seated on her balcony, Princess Celestia sipped her favorite orange pekoe tea. It was her favorite because her other favorites, blackberry vanilla, dragonfruit coriander, and zap apple mango were currently out at the store.
Life, it seemed, was perfect.
Seated across from her, Luna drank from her own beverage of choice, Foalger’s coffee, while she idly watched her pet possum, Tiberius, scarf down numerous strawberries on the table. “It’s been, what, two, maybe three days we’ve gone without something stupid happening in the kingdom, sister?”
“There’s that word,” Celestia said, her eyes briefly narrowing.
“What word?”
“Kingdom. We’ve never had a king, and I choose not to be a queen. So why are we the Kingdom of Equestria? Why not the Principality of Equestria? And don’t get me started on why Principality and not Princessipality. You’d think the makers of the Ox Board dictionary would clarify that since my first request two centuries ago, but noooooooooooooooo….”
Luna rolled her eyes. “Shocking, certes, but I was referring more to the usual shenanigans that happen with our kin—”
“Ahem.”
“—er, realm. In any case, it’s been at least a few days since nothing bad has happened, and I wonder if this means that we are headed for an easy week—”
The slamming open of the doors to Celestia’s balcony was the first sign that something was amiss. The second thing was it was Discord striding through the doors…though striding was a bit of an understatement: it was more like “running over to the table and hiding under it, if not blending into the component molecules.” And the third thing was that Discord, the trickster god of Equestria, wasn’t using any magic whatsoever. Normally, he would pop up to the balcony, drink a cup and toss the (explosive) tea, then something like turning the sugarcubes into gladiators fighting over the favor of the spoon’s affections. But today, that was not happening.
And as Celestia looked down under the table at his shivering form, she realized something else: he was afraid.
“Discord? Is everything okay?” she said in a soft, friendly tone. In all their years as enemies and now friends – or at least acquaintances – she had never seen the draconequus in this way before. Not when he was turned to stone or even after his betrayal and subsequent working with Tirek.
“And there goes the streak,” Luna sighed.
“Luna, please,” Celestia admonished before turning her attention back to Discord. “Please, if something is amiss….”
Discord looked at Celestia with a visage that was akin to terror. “I’m sorry, Celestia. I’m so, so sorry,” he said, in a terrified voice. “I didn’t mean….”
The solar alicorn caught that immediately. “Didn’t mean to…what?”
Still in his panic, Discord continued. “I only meant to see the human world….”
A headache started building in Celestia’s mind. “The human world?”
“Yes, the world where your apprentice, Sunset Shimmer lives. I wanted to see it for myself and—”
Luna sat up, shocked. “You know about the human world?”
Discord looked at Luna. “Look, we don’t have time! We can talk about how I wanted to see its chaos later! Right now, we have an emergency on our hands—”
“There’s that other word,” Celestia sighed. “The only creatures on Equus that have hands are minotaurs. The rest of us have hooves, and you, Discord, don’t have hands either! I have no idea why that minotaur idiom became so popular.”
Now it was Luna’s turn to admonish. “Sister, we have no time for that. Discord, please, continue. And please come out from under there and have some tea. It should calm your nerves.”
Nodding, Discord did so, and even sipped calmly from the cup once Luna had poured him one. “Thank you,” he said, surprisingly calm but still not using magic at all. “I needed that.”
“Now, Discord, why aren’t you using magic?” Celestia asked again. “And what threat are we facing? Start from the top, please.”
He took another drink of the tea, then sighed and continued. “I was at Fluttershy’s house the other day, when Twilight was visiting. Twilight was bringing some strange items for Fluttershy, and when I asked, Twilight stated that they were from the human world that she occasionally visits. The world where your other apprentice still lives.”
Celestia nodded; while she’d forgiven Sunset’s past transgressions, the question was out as to whether she was still technically the solar princess’ apprentice or not, given Celestia’s words, which she’d happily take back. Furthermore, it seemed as though Sunset was content to live in the human world and sort out the magical issues there, instead, making the whole process a sort of ersatz overseas study program. And in any case, here train of thought had no bearing on the situation at hand…er, hoof. “Please, go on.”
“Well, we had a discussion about the human world and Twilight mentioned how chaotic it was. Obviously, as a result, I wanted to see it, but she said no. And since because I’m well, me and I wanted to see the world, I just had to do it! So when she was asleep, I snuck in and went to see it! And it was glorious!” A bit of the old Discord started to seep in and his eyes turned into massively, cute teddy bears. But that ended quickly as he withdrew into himself and said, “But then she sensed me.”
“She? Who?”
“I saw her.” He grew panicked once more, looking at the alicorns with horror. “I tried to escape – I barely escaped! But I think she followed! She has that power – she is more powerful than me!”
“Who, Sunset?”
“NO!” Discord grabbed Celestia by the withers and shook her. “You have to stop her, Cellie! You have to! The fate of everything depends on it!”
The headache Celestia had reached epic proportions. “What did you do, Discord?”
As if in response, throbbing, pulsating music that sounded like something between a record scratch and backwards flugelhorns started to lilt through the air while a chorus of off-key voices started to sing incomprehensible lyrics. The noontime sky turned an interesting shade of purple, and the sun started to melt before becoming a bevy of rainbow smears in the sky.
“Stop that at once, Discord,” Celestia ordered.
But Luna saw the dragonequus and saw what was happening instantly. “He’s…he’s not doing it, sister,” Luna told him. “It’s something else.”
Discord gasped. “It’s too late! SHE’S HERE!”
“Who?”
“The human god of chaos – she must be! Take me and multiply my power a hundredfold!” Discord whined in panic. “Use the Elements! It’s our only hope!”
Celestia looked at the cowering creature before her and she was still confused. “I would think you would be happy for something like this, Discord.”
“Honestly, Cellie, she scares the horseapples out of me.” He pointed at the sky, which had changed to a gingham pattern and the sun had been replaced by a massive potato. “You think I can top that?” The cacophonic fugue playing around them made no sense and yet still continued. “Do you know what she tried to do to me? I still shudder.”
Luna suddenly winced as if realization came into her mind. She looked at the others and said with a fearful tone, “Allt sem hún sér. Öflugt afl óreiðu hún er.” Discord and Celestia suddenly turned to look at Luna, whose face became a mask of worry. “It was something that I recall the Nightmare once told me, something even she feared. Something so chaotic it could only exist on its plane because nothing else could withstand its….” Luna took a breath. “I dare not finish the sentence.”
“You know,” Discord said with a gentle tone of somebeing recognizing a fellow survivor. “You understand.” He went over and hugged the lunar alicorn. “You believe me.”
Luna, to Celestia’s surprise, wept as she held her former enemy. “Yes, I do. There is always hope, Discord, even in these darkest times.”
Celestia, by this point, had enough. “WOULD SOMEPONY TELL ME WHAT THE BUCK IS GOING ON?” she screamed.
Luna and Discord looked at Celestia, and with eyes of fear and sorrow, spoke a single word.
“Björk.”
Author's Note
I have had this sitting on my hard drive for the past week, honestly debating on whether or not I should continue this. Right now, I'm content to leave it as is.
That being said....
I have half the second chapter written already. Let's hope I don't have another meltdown.... 
