Ponestuck

Chapters

==> Enter Name: Spike the Dragon
==> Be the Other Pony
==> Be the Farm Pony
==> Be the Sweet Pony
==> Be the Rich Pony
==> Spike: Wake Up
==> Be Scootaloo
==> Be Silver Spoon
==> Enough dawdling! Bring back the dragon!
==>
==> Diamond Tiara: Equip Strife Specibus
==> Silver Spoon: Experiment
==> Sweetie Belle: Spit Sick Fires
==> Clients: Connect to your Server
==> x2 Double Psyche Out...?
==> Spike: Extract Kernelsprite from Cruxtruder
==> Apple Bloom: Use Pre-Punched Card on Cruxite Dowel
==> I've Been Every Pony
==> Snails: Retrieve Arms
==> Years in the future, but not many
==> Minutes Earlier...
==>

==> Enter Name: Spike the Dragon

Wow, got it on the first go! That's certainly a first. Well, not to you. You've known your name your whole life, why wouldn't you get it right? You shake off the thought of getting your name wrong. That's just silly.

You stand in your room- or rather, pace around it. Today's the day- but you've already said that. Why can't the mailmare get here faster? You've had the date marked on the calendar for months now- Twilight would be proud, actually making an effort to be organized about something.

While you wait for your game, how about we learn a little bit more about you?

Your name is SPIKE, but again, you've already said that. You are the personal assistant/adoptive sibling (depending on who you ask) of PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE. The position isn't as glamorous as a lot of people would think- attaining immortal godhood did little to change the bookish pony, who just now has a lot more space to put books in as far as she's concerned. That, and more space to host her FRIENDS. They're your friends, too- but they're not the friends you're playing this game with today.

And boy do you love GAMES- almost as much as you love COMICS! Especially SUPER HERO COMICS! Those were basically your gateway into more adventure-y games, though you would say you get plenty of adventure IN REAL LIFE as well, what with having to fight a villain every week it feels like. Still, the life of GARBUNKLE THE WIZARD is not one to be sneezed at- he's fought more pen-and-paper skeletons than you could shake a D20 at. Except you can, and actually every time DO, shake a D20 at said skeletons. Those are kind of the rules of the game.

Enough exposition- maybe you just missed the mailmare's delivery during one of the split-second moments you weren't looking outside the window while you paced. Yeah, that's definitely gotta be it. No other reason for the mail being this late. You rush out of your room, crystal door clinking as it slams against the wall. You're about 80% sure you heard a distant shout at the sudden noise, but that doesn't matter! Game time draws near!

You hit a large, spiraling staircase that leads to the main hall of the treehouse/crystal castle you now live in. There's a couple options on how to proceed- what do you do?

==> Spike: Do a flying pirouette off the freakin banister.

This has to be the best possible use of your bipedalism in a world built for quadrupeds. With a small hop, you jump onto the railing-

And then you fall off the railing, back onto the stairs.

And then down the stairs.

Each bump and trip brings misery and misfortune. How could this happen? Why did nobody warn you about stairs? This all could have been so easily avoided if you only had read some kind of PSA warning you about the danger of stairs, preferably in the form of a badly drawn comic. Sadly, such a thing does not exist here in the magical land of Equestria. Only totally unsupervised and un-warned-about stairs.

With an oof, your self-reflection ends as you painfully reach the bottom. Thankfully, you're a dragon- made of sterner stuff than most other ponies. But right now, you need a nap. Sweet, sweet unconsciousness takes you.

Well, Spike is asleep. Perhaps it's time...

==> Be the Other Pony

That's very unspecific- there are LOTS of other ponies. Maybe we can leave which pony that is up to chance

==> Be the Farm Pony

==> Be the Sweet Pony

==> Be the Rich Pony

==> Be the Farm Pony

You are now Apple Bloom. And you ain't got no time for any of that "enter your name" nonsense- you already know your name, and darn tootin' everypony else oughta know that! As you hose down the last hog, you've got one thing on your mind: that dadgum game half your peer group has been goin' on about.

Yeah, of course you're excited about it too- you've been doin' extra chores on the farm just to save up enough allowance to buy the game crystals. Apparently it's too fancy to be played on a board with dice or cards, gotta involve some fancy unicorn illusion magic. Frankly, you don't see that kind of technology goin' anywhere- who would spend that much money on a piece of hardware that only does one recreational thing? Heck, it took ages for an arcade to finally set up shop in Ponyville. It'll probably just end up being a fad, just like them fancy computer games.

Though to be honest, that's probably just your inner Applejack telling you that. Ponies will have their traditions, and your sister ain't the type to move onto the newest cultural touchstone without kickin' and screamin' and causin' all sorts of fuss.

You shudder as you consider for a moment that you might turn into a mini-her.

With all of your chores done for the day, you gallop into your room (carefully wiping the mud from your hooves before you go inside), where the game in question lays on your bed.

There are three parts to this game- a round crystal imprinted with a weird spiral, another with some house made out of blocks, and a book with the same house symbol on it and the word "SBARN" written on it. You've already messed around with the book- you and your friend Twist were the first two to get your mail today, and quickly figured out that the book is a way to send and receive messages across a distance.

You open the book up to your last log:

--pepperMint [PM] started whinnying cuteCrusader [CC]--
[PM] Heya Crusader! Sorry not sure which one of you this is
[PM] Oh this is Twist by the way!
[CC] good golly- hi Twist! it's Apple Bloom!
[PM] Apple Bloom!!!
[PM] I'm so excited for today! Thanks for inviting me to play this game with you!
[CC] your a good friend, Twist, course i'd invite ya!
[CC] what with crusadering for our cutie marks all the time i figured i oughta make some time to hang out with an old friend!
[PM] It has been a while
[CC] yup indeed
[CC] this book sure is strange. wonder what we'll need it for?
[PM] Well from what I've heard there's some kind of cooperation bit to it?
[PM] So we're gonna have to work together to succeed!
[PM] That should be fun!
[CC] ehhhhhhh...
[CC] i'd feel better if those two weren't playing with us
[PM] Which two???
[CC] that's a darn good point right there
[PM] ??????
[CC] shoot i gotta go. i promised sis i'd finish my chores early to play this game with y'all.
[PM] Tell AJ I said hi!!!
--cuteCrusader [CC] ceased whinnying pepperMint [PM]--

As you finish glancing over that log, the next page glows orange, and the whole book vibrates. A lot like when you got your first message from Twist. You flip the page, and a new log appears.

--tiptopYankees [TY] started whinnying cuteCrusader [CC]--
[TY] ayo bloom i know its you
[TY] are we gonna play this game yet or what???
[CC] um?
[TY] bloom are you kidding me? its babs
[CC] oh!
[CC] hey Babs!
[CC] we're still waiting on the others to get their mail. it's only you, me, and Twist that's got the game so far.
[TY] dang!
[TY] ive had this dumb book a whole day im getting antsy over here!
[CC] well it's probably gonna be a bit even after we all start playing to get to ya anyways
[CC] you read the instructions, right?
[TY] yeah yeah server client two ponies at a time yadda yadda
[TY] we could probably do like a couple chained at once if im gonna be real here
[TY] just gotta figure out whos gonna server who and who clients who
[TY] like some kinda weird pony circle
[CC] well if you like i could server for ya!
[CC] get that figured out quick like!
[TY] sure gotta start somewhere

The conversation sort of just tapers off after that, and you take a look out your window. You wonder how long the rest of your friends are gonna have to wait until their game arrives? Feels like it's gonna be a really long morning.

==> Be the Sweet pony

==> Be the Rich pony

==> I've been everypony

==> Be the Sweet Pony

And so it shall be!

You stand in the room of the Sweet Pony. It's a little small, but that just makes it cozier in your opinion. A junior peppermint maker deluxe sits in the corner, with a book labelled "SBARN" with a strange, blocky house on it sitting on top. You blow a bit of your messy red mane out of your face, and adjust your glasses. What is your name, Sweet Pony?

==> Twitht

Okay now that's just rude. You can't just make fun of a pony for their speech impediment, she can't help it. Shame on you.

Shame on you.

==> Twist

Better.

You are TWIST, and you are ready and rearin to start the day! You've just got your mail and, like you hoped, the game you and your friends plan to play today got delivered! The small flyer containing the instructions sits fresh on your desk: simply connect the Server crystal to a Client crystal via your Whinnylog and let the fun begin!

Whatever that fun is, it's left totally unexplained. According to an entertainment magazine you read at your last dentist appointment, the game is rumored to be a massively mutliplayer experience, with players working in tandem to achieve a goal. But the developers for SBARN have been pretty tight-lipped about the whole thing.

Whatever- it's still gonna be fun to play with your old friend Apple Bloom! You feel like it's been forever since the two of you hung out- sometimes you wonder if she's avoiding you, but that can't be the case, right?

==> Open Whinnylog

The notebook that comes with the game is pretty fancy looking- bound with those little metal corner pieces that almost look like gold that you've seen a couple times on the older books in the library. Well, when the library was still there. It was kind of blasted to pieces by some big dude a couple weeks back. It was SUPER scary- but the Princess and her friends managed to stop him, save the day, and return magic back to the ponies of Equestria!

You are pretty sure there's no threat Apple Bloom's sister and her friends can't stop. It's excciting to know you live in both technically the most protected but also most adventurous town in Equestria. But nevermind that.

You open the Whinnylog- the pages inside completely blank. On the inner cover, there's a line with the username "pepperMint" filled in and a short list of rules at the bottom margin of the page:

-Username must be 2 conjoined words
-Username will be identified by first two letters, cannot be repeated with same two letters in a server
-Username must not exceed 413 characters
-First word of username must be lowercase
-Username must contain at least 1 capital letter

Below your own username, the username "tiptopYankees" is written. You weren't sure who that was, and your big sis always warned you not to talk to strangers. So you just let it be. But now there's a whole new name that wasn't there before- and you've got a 33% chance of guessing who it is!

You smile- just like old times again! Though you're still confused as to who Apple Bloom was talking about. Everypony you're playing with was pretty great! Unless she had some sudden, unexplained falling out with the other two Cutie Mark Crusaders. Oh gosh, that would be awful!

Hopefully, that isn't the case. Well, nothing much else to do for now. What to do to pass the time until everyone's ready?

==> Peppermint Pony make the Peppermint.

Well, that sure sounds like it could be fun! Carefully setting the book on your desk, you fire up the junior peppermint maker deluxe- before you realize, you're all out of peppermint extract! Well, that's just the darndest thing- thankfully, you live a stone's throw from Sugar Cube Corner. Pinkie surely has some peppermint you could borrow.

==> Be the Farm pony

==> Be the Rich pony

==> I've been everypony

==> Be the Rich Pony

I suppose you had to eventually. Unless you chose this first, in which case you might wanna question your priorities.

But do you know who does have her priorities mostly straight?

The Rich Pony. AKA Diamond Tiara. No messing around right now, this pony has PLANS. And today's plans involve playing a game. A game with those weirdo Cutie Mark Crusaders, and by golly she is gonna WIN!

WINNING is probably one of your favorite things. That and HAVING A CUTIE MARK. Both of which are things those Crusaders don't do or have. It's pretty great being on top. One thing you don't like is WAITING. Which is unfortunate, because that's exactly what you're doing right now. That mailmare should have been by already with your game- you even went out with your friend Silver Spoon to grab a couple carrots as a snack for this game to pass the time. Where the heck IS that grey menace?

You ring a bell, and very quickly the family butler arrives at your door. You command that he check the mail once again, post haste! He politely acquiesces, heading back downstairs. This must have been the fifth time you've told him to go out and check- you're starting to get tired from bossing him around.

No matter, that game will be here soon. That much is for sure.

There is a knock on your doorframe, and your butler stands there holding a package. It's here- it's FINALLY here! You gleefully snatch it out of his hooves and dismiss him.

You've been doing your research on this game ever since you heard those twerps talking about playing. There wasn't much to know- it uses the newest in crystal enchantment magic to project the game over a real world layout, and there was a cooperative element. Obviously, between you and Silver Spoon you could whoop the Crusader's butts at whatever challenge this game presented. All it took was sweet talking that Twist pony into inviting the both of you in on the Crusader's session. Easy.

As you opened up the packaging, you were greeted by the two crystal disks that contained the Server and Client parts of the game, alongside a book titled "SBARN" with the game's blocky house logo on it. Well, that was weird. Nothing you had read about said anything about a book.

Cracking it open, you saw blank spots for names on the inside cover, like a text book. Near the bottom, a set of rules were listed- whatever, you didn't need some book telling you how to write your name. Pulling out a quill, you write:

Diamond Tiara

The book flashes red once, and the ink vanishes. You grumble- fine, if that's the way it had to be, then so be it!

You begrudgingly glance over the rules:

Well, that was simple enough, if needlessly complicated. And what was with that arbitrary character count? Whatever, this was simple. You thought for a moment- surely a rich and important filly such as yourself could be a little creative with a username. You dip the quill in the ink, and try again:

glamHeiress

The book flashes green- and the name stays! A small swirling pattern pops up on the next page for just a moment, before three other names list themselves on the inside cover:

cuteCrusader
pepperMint
tiptopYankees

Well, those first two were obvious- one of those Crusader twerps and that sad Twist pony. You furrow your brow at the last one, though- something about it seemed familiar, but you couldn't quite place it...

==> Diamond Tiara: Remember the Parade

The light above your head brightens- of course! It was the apple farmer's cousin from Manehatten! She was fun for as long as she was helping Silver Spoon and herself mess with the Crusaders- but then she had to go and get on the Crusader's side. Well, good riddance to her- she could hardly stand all her constant talking about that baseball team.

Although...

You grin, tapping your quill to Babs' name as it appears on the next page:

--glamHeiress [GH] started whinnying tiptopYankees [TY]--
[GH] Babs~! I'm happy to see SOMEPONY competent playing this game with us.
[TY] uh who
[GH] Oh Babs, you're such a kidder- it's me! Diamond Tiara.
[GH] We met in Ponyville?
[TY] oh yeah
[TY] youre that jerk that got me bein a jerk to my cuz
[TY] hey how about you like shove off or whatever i aint talking to you
[GH] Babs, please, we were friends for a while. I don't see why we can't be civil while we play this game together.
[GH] Your cousin seems fine with me and Silvy playing with you all. Let's just get along~
[TY] hmmm
[TY] nah youre up to something
[TY] i know you youre always scheming up something
[TY] probably trying to make this game not fun for Bloom
[TY] so you know what how about you leave me and my cuz and all her friends alone and i dont kick you in the teeth next time im in ponyville
[GH] You're so harsh! I haven't even done anything to you!
[GH] Whatever, the less time talking to you the better
--glamHeiress [GH] ceased whinnying tiptopYankees [TY]--

Well, that was a wash. So much for getting her on your side. But there's still time- maybe it'll be easier to turn her once you guys start playing. You fondly remember plenty of games of Monopony played to your advantage- if there's one thing you're sure of, it's that children's games drive friends apart faster than anything else.

So all you had to do was wait.

...Dang it.

==> Be the Farm pony

==> Be the Sweet pony

==> I've been everypony

==> Spike: Wake Up

You do that. But also you don't.

Can you do both at the same time? You feel like you've got enough experience with naps and sleeping to know that, but you're not too sure. Maybe a nice think by the golden balcony of your room could clear your head- you float over there, staring up through the inky blackness of space to the bright glow of Skaia's clouds just outside.

Some small part of you thinks that this isn't right, but that small part's gotta be wrong. Of course this is your room- the golden walls plastered with your scribbles of various comic characters, and the glow of Prospit's bustling city life. Just like you always remember it. Silly brain.

You grin as you watch over the Prospitians scurrying about below- they can be pretty fun to hang out with. It's too bad most of your friends always seem to be asleep- looking over to the other five towers in the horizon, you wonder if any of them might be awake?

==> Check on your friends

Might as well- not much else to do right now. You drift out of your window, glancing skyward during your 'walk'. On the clouds you see memories playing- mostly familiar ones. You see the time you went through a bit of a growth spurt in Ponyville, grimacing- man, that was embarrassing. Thank goodness for Rarity- your heart flutters a little thinking about her. You wonder why she isn't here on Prospit- that just feels... weird. Weird and off for some reason.

You shake your head, opting to look at another cloud- and see just a glimpse of a flooded room in Canterlot. You immediately look away- MAN there are just a LOT of stinkers up in the clouds today! Do you have any memories that aren't just you making a fool of yourself?

You scan the clouds for something new, and after a second you spot something strange- it's a memory you don't recognize. You're in some world that looks like it was drawn on some graphing paper Twilight would use. Something that looks like a cross between a mannequin and a particularly greasy Dersite is sneaking up behind you while the both of you barrel down a spiraling ramp in a... cart? You think? The you in the cloud locks eyes with you for a second, before yelling and turning around, bashing the thing in the face with a huge encyclopedia on a stick.

Huh. You DEFINITELY don't remember that happening. Oh- looks like you've made it.

Peering through the first tower, your suspicions are confirmed- Apple Bloom is still asleep. A quick jaunt over to the next two, and you see both Sweetie Bell and Scootaloo also snug as bugs in their respective rugs. Well, dang- that still at least leaves one more tower. Just a quick float over there and-

It's empty.

Well, that's not good.

And then you wake up. Except for real.

==> Spike: Fondly Regard Dream Memorization

What do what now? You groan a little, sitting up- man, that was quite the tumble you took. How long were you out?

OH JEEZE DID YOU MISS THE MAIL WHILE YOU WERE UNCONSCIOUS?

You quickly scramble to your lad feet, and barrel down the hall to the front door- a package! A package right by the mail slot! The barn on the front seals it- it's your game!

Spike's gonna be at his victory dance for a while. Let's check out a few more ponies in the meanwhile.

==> Be Scootaloo
==> Be Silver Spoon
==> Enter Command

==> Be Scootaloo

Cutie Mark Crusaders Been: 2/4

cuteCrusader [CC] opened memo: Team Crusaders for the Win!
radicalScooter [RS], marshmallowConcerto [MC], and tiptopYankees [TY] were invited to the memo

[CC] just talked with Pip- turns out he's a little skittish playin with DT too
[CC] but he had a pretty good idea about it!
[CC] or at least he said Snips had a pretty good idea about it which kinda makes ME skittish about it, but i reckon i trust Pip's judgement enough
[CC] we group up in three groups of four for the whole client-server thingawhatsit
[RS] oh snap cutie mark crusader sbarn team!!!
[MC] Yay?
[TY] yay is absofrigginlutely right
[TY] did i tells ya girls that DT was trying some stuff earlier
[TY] shady sneaky stuff
[TY] definitely low down schemey trying to get crusaders against each other kind of stuff
[RS] CALLED IT
[MC] What did she say?
[TY] just a load of junk about bein civil durin the game or whatever
[TY] smelled like some saddle row level stuff i tell ya
[MC] Babs?
[TY] yea
[MC] That's... not a lot to go on
[TY] i tells ya I got a sense for this kinda thing
[CC] it's alright Babs- ain't like DT's gonna be on our 4-pony team
[MC] Shouldn't we be using GH to refer to her? I mean that's what the abbreviation in the book is.
[CC] maybe?
[RS] nah what if she like gets pinged about us talking about her behind her back
[RS] then she'll probably start blabbing and figuring that gives her the right to actually start plotting behind OUR backs!!!
[MC] :/
[CC] i think we're gettin off topic here
[CC] point is- three teams, four ponies each
[CC] we're gonna be team Crusaders
[CC] i think Pip's gettin with Snips, Snails, and Twist
[RS] uh oh
[MC] Awww, poor Spike! That leaves him with Diamond and Silver!
[TY] spikes a dragon yeah
[TY] from what i hears from you girls he seems like a tough customer
[TY] if anyone can handle a schemin little so and so its gonna be a dragon

You idle away from the conversation for a bit, staring out your bedroom window. It was a nice day- honestly, if you weren't so PUMPED to be playing this game with your friends, you'd probably be practicing that sick new scooter move you've been cooking up. Cooking up like a batch of hot hay-fries in the deep frier of the local Hey! Burger.

You're kinda hungry, you realize.

==> Scootaloo: To the kitchen! Delicious snacks await!

Hell YEAH SNACKS! You bolt out of your bedroom and down the stairs to the living room, and then through the kinda-cool saloon doors into the kitchen. You're not sure why your pops chose such a weird architectural decision- especially when neither your parents nor your older brother seem to be home often enough to appreciate how cool it is to kick open the kitchen doors every time like a cowpony at high noon. Of course, since your older brother is off being a royal guard, that's slightly more acceptable. Kicking butt for Princess and Country is almost as cool as pretending to be a cowpony.

You open the fridge and start rummaging around for a snack- a sweet, crisp bottle of apple juice taunts you from the top shelf. You're probably gonna be getting thirsty later when you start playing- definitely gotta save that for later.

==> Captchalogue Apple Juice

What does that- oh. You reached for the juice and it kinda just... turned into a card??? That's weird.

You look over your shoulder, expecting to see a flash of Discord's serpentine body playing some kind of practical joke on you- but nope, the juice is just stuck on a card now. Looking at it, you see that the card is on some kind of grid-thingy. The words "Puzzle Modus" flash at the top, as the apple juice sticks itself in the top-left corner, taking up a single square in the grid.

Hmm.

==> Scootaloo: Just take the whole fridge. Do it.

Okay this thing has GOT to be too big to carry- oh, okay yep it fits. It takes up a whole 6 slot column, 4 slots wide. But it fits.

You've gotta tell the crusaders about this

==> Be Silver Spoon
==> Enough dawdling! Bring back the dragon!

==> Be Silver Spoon

Bullies Been: 2/2

ACHIEVEMENT GET: Playgrounded

You are now Silver Spoon.

Of course you have always been Silver Spoon. This is a strange thing to think, you think to yourself. Of course you were always you. If you weren't you, you would be somepony else- and there's few other ponies you could think to be.

You shake your head a little- okay, these thoughts are getting a little out of hoof. Out of mind? Something like that.

You notice the book that came with your copy of SBARN start flashing- but you ignore it. You're testing something. You reach out and grab a single piece of cutlery from your priceless silverware collection.

Flinging the metal fork out of the last card in your Deque Stack modus.

==> Silver Spoon: Auto Parry!

You shriek a little, dropping to the floor as the fork sails over your head and buries itself into the wall- right next to at least half a dozen of its siblings. You have... been at this for a while. While none of your friends-and-or-acquaintances have actually connected to this game, it seems that certain aspects have been made active. Time to share what you've learned.

glamHeiress [GH] started whinnying sharpClerical [SC]

[GH] Silver Spoon are you on yet~?
[GH] Silver Spoon?
[GH] I see your name in the list, Silver Spoon- come on, answer me already!
[GH] Stop ignoring me!
[GH] SILVER SPOON!
[GH] SILVER!
[SC] Sheesh it has been barely a minute- I was testing something out, calm down.
[GH] Testing?
[SC] Have you noticed that this game has activated some kind of abstraction related to the acquisition of items?
[GH] Silver.
[GH] You sound like an absolute nerd right now.
[SC] UGH- THERE'S SOME KIND OF ITEM STORAGE SPELL FOR THE GAME!
[GH] A spell?
[SC] Yes- something called a Fetch Modus. According to the little flap in the back of my book, it is set to a "Deque Stack".
[GH] Mine just says "Butler".
[SC] What.
[GH] The word is written right there I'm not going to repeat myself.
[SC] That was rhetorical- what kind of logical structure of data would be called "Butler"!?
[SC] That is stupid!
[GH] Well what the hay is a "Deque Stack" anyways?
[SC] It is a series of stacks of items that operate in a first in and reversible last out/first out structure.
[GH] There it is. More of that weird, nonsensical nerdy nerd stuff. Silver Spoon, have you secretly been a nerd this whole time? Have I been wasting my time befriending some kind of nerdy pony?
[SC] For the love of Celestia.
[SC] FIRST ITEM GOES IN, SECOND ITEM PUSHES FIRST ITEM TO THE BOTTOM, YOU CAN FLIP BETWEEN TAKING THE ITEM ON THE TOP OR THE ITEM ON THE BOTTOM
[SC] It is NOT that complicated. You are going to want to figure out how yours works soon- it is probably important to the game.
[GH] Speaking of the game.
[GH] Even though they're called "server" players, it sounds like they're the ones doing the whole "controlling your world" bit those magazines talked about.
[GH] And I reaaaaaally don't want any of those blank-flanks having an opportunity to mess around with me.
[SC] Oh absolutely- I thought it was an obvious choice to have me as your server player.
[SC] Of course, we can not have you as my server player as that would just create some kind of micro-loop and maybe kick us out of the game. We are going to need to figure out an order.
[GH] Well you go ahead and use that big nerdy brain of yours and figure it out, mkay~?

You don't even respond- you just roll your eyes. Honestly, even though Diamond Tiara was your friend- sometimes she was a big enough jerk even YOU questioned whether her status was worth it. But mother insisted that you get to know the filly- accounting paid the bills, alright, but you needed rich ponies with money TO account for it to be worth anything.

You flip the book to the back- the sleeve containing your Deque Stack on the back of the final page, while the back cover itself has one more addition- or a series of additions. Multiple sleeves, with a single empty card reading "Strife Specibus". You flip it over, and see a whole list of kinds- pizzactrkind, batkind, rollpinkind-

Okay that's definitely too many to list. But you're a smart filly- the Fetch Modus must be what you use to take items and treasure for this game. The Strife Specibus seems to be some way of deciding what tool to use for making your way through the adventures the game promises. You've only got one card, but it seems like there's room for more- a whole portfolio of implements.

You look at the cutlery stuck in your wall and a cunning plan forms to mind.

==> Be Scootaloo
==> Enough dawdling! Bring back the dragon!

==> Enough dawdling! Bring back the dragon!

Wow, you certainly are adamant about it. Alright, you're Spike again. And now you've got a difficult dilemma in front of you-

What the heck do you make your username in this book?

==> This is an adventure game- something adventurous!

Hmm... adventurous, you say? Ohoh, you think you've got something. You scribble a little something-something, and then...

Blip!

greatGarbunkle- accepted!

You grin in satisfaction for about a second, before the book starts vibrating like crazy! It almost looks like everyone around needs to talk to you- you've got chat requests from cuteCrusader, sepiaJournalist, sharpClerical, sirPippington, and two memo invites: "Team Crusaders for the Win!" and "Team Winners".

Jeeze Louise. You crack your knuckles, prepping your writing hand- this was definitely going to be a challenge.

cuteCrusader [CC] started whinnying greatGarbunkle [GG]

[CC] heya Spike!
[CC] it's Apple Bloom!
[CC] glad to see the mail finally arrived for ya!
[GG] Hey, Apple Bloom! Yeah, it feels like I've been waiting weeks for this!
[CC] i'll bet.
[CC] anyhow there's a couple things the Crusaders and me wanna discuss with ya!
[CC] added ya to the memo, see you there in a bit!

cuteCrusader [CC] stopped whinnying greatGarbunkle [GG]

Alright, short and sweet- next!

sepiaJournalist [SJ] started whinnying greatGarbunkle [GG]

[SJ] Hey spike- it's featherweight
[SJ] Couple really quick important things no need to really respond i'm already in kind of a rush
[SJ] Anyways the rest of us have been talking- there's a lot of us and this game seems to work on a two-ponies at a time basis
[SJ] So snips had an idea to just have a bunch of us do this in pairs
[SJ] And we're setting up for three teams of four
[SJ] The crusaders are all obviously paired up and pip wants to be with his pals so we're kind of stuck with diamond and silver
[SJ] Kinda sucks but hey i'm no stranger to getting picked last you know
[SJ] anyways ttyl (talk to you later)

sepiaJournalist [SJ] stopped whinnying greatGarbunkle [GG]

Alright, no need to even write back, this is pretty easy.

sharpClerical [SC] started whinnying greatGarbunkle [GG]

[SC] You're on our team. Yippee.
[SC] Just get into the memo post-haste.

sharpClerical [SC] stopped whinnying greatGarbunkle [GG]

To the point as ever.

sirPippington [SP] started whinnying greatGarbunkle [GG]

[SP] spike, old chum! sorry i didn't think of you earlier when we started setting up teams!
[SP] the lads couldn't possibly be separated, and twist just seemed so happy to be asked, i'd feel like a right jerk to take it back!
[GG] It's okay, Pip- we'll be playing the game soon enough. I can deal with a couple of jerks for a little bit.
[SP] right tough one you are, spike!
[SP] aces to you for being such an upstanding gent!
[GG] Heh, no problem! Anyways I've got to talk to a couple more ponies. My book is absolutely blowing up over here!
[SP] righto- tata!

greatGarbunkle [GG] stopped whinnying sirPippington [SP]

greatGarbunkle was invited to the memo: Team Crusaders for the Win!

[CC] hey girls- Spike's finally here! added him to the memo!
[MC] HEY SPIKE! ^_^
[RS] yooo!!!
[TY] sup
[CC] i think Spike's got a lot of messages to go through before he gets here
[CC] let's just wait a bit
[RS] booo, i hate waiting!!!
[TY] yea waitin sucks
[RS] HURRY UP SPIKE!!!
[RS] SPIIIKE!!!
[GG] Jeeze, can't a dragon get a second of peace around here?
[GG] Kidding- hey girls!
[MC] Welcome aboard, oh great wizard Garbunkle!
[RS] WOOOHOOO!!!
[GG] Anyways, what's going on?
[CC] we're just figuring out who's doing the server playing and client playing first
[GG] Oh yeah, Featherweight told me about the team thing.
[CC] sorry Spike- Crusaders gotta stick together
[GG] Hey, it's no scales off my back.
[CC] heheh- anyways, if Featherweight already told ya about the team thing then we're good.
[GG] Cool beans. I've got another memo to reply to, I'll talk to you girls in a bit!
[MC] See you later, Spike!
[RS] good luck dude!!!
[TY] yea see ya

To be honest, you kinda wanted to play with the Crusaders more than anypony else- but hey, you'll take what you get. Besides, once the boring first bit of the game is done you won't have to worry about teams or orders or any of that complicated stuff. First acts are always such a chore.

greatGarbunkle [GG] was added to memo: Team Winners

[SC] Alright, that should be the last one.
[SC] Let's get straight to business- I'm going to be Diamond Tiara's server player. None of us are quite sure what that entails, beyond modifying the client's game environment.
[SC] No offense to either of you, but I'm the only one Diamond Tiara trusts to be in that kind of position.
[GH] Wow, you didn't have to actually say that out loud, Silver!
[SC] I'd rather be straightforward than beat around the bush here. No need for hidden agendas.
[SC] Anyhow, I've come up with an order for our team that should suit our needs.
[SC] Spike <== Diamond Tiara <== Myself <== Featherweight
[SC] This gives our toughest member a chance to see what this game is exactly like, so there's less of a chance for injury early on.
[GG] Wait, injury?
[SC] And he finally arrives, not very post-haste at all.
[GG] I'm very concerned here.
[SC] Don't be a baby about it, you'll be fine.
[SC] I have every faith in Diamond Tiara's abilities to pick up on the game mechanics.
[SC] The only concern I have is whether this giant daisy-chain of connections will get pulled off right.
[SJ] It does seem pretty cumbersome
[SJ] Honestly we'd have a better chance at figuring out the game mechanics just one pony at a time but hey that's just me
[SC] You're right. That is just you.
[SC] You've all been informed, so I have no further use speaking here.
[SC] I've got a few experiments to run. Make sure you all get acquainted with your Fetch Modus in the back of the book, and try not to use anything idiotic for your Strife Specibus. I assume from the name it has something to do with danger or fighting, so pick something you know how to use.

sharpClerical [SC] went idle

[GH] Wow.
[GH] Is it just me, or does she seem to think SHE'S the one in charge around here?
[GG] I mean I'm cool with that. She seems to know what she's talking about, at least!
[SJ] I can think of worse ponies to be figuring things out
[GG] Heheh.
[GH] And what's that supposed to mean?!

sepiaJournalist [SJ] went idle

greatGarbunkle [GG] went idle

You shut your book. At least you've got Featherweight on your side, here. The dude's a pretty plucky pony- everything you need to make a great reporter, to be honest. Sarcasm, and a desire to know the truth. You flex your claws a little- you were writing pretty fast there, gotta avoid getting cramps. You wish you could just dictate the words or something, that would be way easier.

All this writing is making you hungry. This calls for a snack.

You start flipping through the book- Silver Spoon mentioned a Fetch Modus. Seemed like a thing to start figuring out. In the pocket on the back of the last page, you see a card labelled "Scroll". Huh- wonder what that meant? You check the inside cover as well- you see a single card in the Strife Portfolio, unlabeled and empty.

You think for a bit- something for fighting enemies, huh? Despite being a castle, you can't really think of anything good in here to use to fight- mostly you think you'd just use your dragon's breath, but it seems like an important part of the game. Maybe a kitchen knife or something? You frown- that seemed a little TOO violent. Maybe something big, and blunt-

Oh. Ooooooh, now there's an idea!

You hang a left, heading to the library instead of the kitchen. Pushing open the doors, you scan the shelves- and find the biggest, thickest, and densest book in all of Twilight's collection: Star Swirl the Bearded's Daunting Text of Magical Theory and Practical Thaumaturgy.

Oh yeah. This will do just great for a- URP!

A gout of flame bursts forth from your mouth, burning the book to a crisp!

Oh no, oh no no no no- Twilight was gonna kill you!

You start to panic for a moment, before you notice the scroll unfurl near the top of your vision- a single card, with Star Swirl's Daunting Text on it.

Oh. So that's what "Scroll" meant. Looks like you'd be carrying things around by burning them into a scroll, just like sending letters! That's pretty cool.

You flip over the Strife card, looking through the list of available implements of destruction- Bookkind seemed to fit your needs. You check the little box next to it, and Star Swirl's Daunting Text exits your Modus, taking up a slot in your Strife Deck.

Oh yeah. Things were getting REAL now.

==>

You abscond from the library, new weapon in metaphorical tow. Time to get back to your main quest- the eternal quest for proper snackage. Every gamer knows you need a good snack to go with your game. It's just the way things work. Big Mac always brings apple chips and a little secret cider stash every time you two play Ogres and Oubliettes on guy's night- though, to be honest you wish you had a couple more guys to invite. You'd ask Twilight, but that kinda defeats the purpose. Besides, she'd just create some min-maxed abomination that totally uproots your carefully plotted narrative.

The team could use a ranger or something though.

Crossing the hall into the kitchen, you notice a note pinned to the fridge- huh, that's weird. You take it down, and start to read.

Spike,
Received a summons from Princess Celestia. She said it was a dire emergency- be safe, okay? I've left some gems on the lower shelf of the pantry for you. I promise I'll be back before you even notice- metaphorically speaking, of course. If you're reading this note, then you have most definitely noticed that I'm not around in the- oh, gosh I'm rambling again. Alright, I'm off!
Love,
Twilight Sparkle

Well, at least Twilight won't be around to interrupt the game. But this had you nervous- what had the Princess so spooked to call up Twilight? And without even sending it through you? That was... weird.

You take the letter, storing it in your Fetch Modus. You then crack open the pantry- delicious gems, just as promised! You take out a nice emerald, crunching on it while putting the rest of the bowl in your Fetch Modus. Man, this was handy!

But you're the only one here that actually breathes fire- you wonder how everypony else's Moduses (Modi?) worked.

==> Diamond Tiara: Equip Strife Specibus
==> Silver Spoon: Experiment
==> Sweetie Belle: Spit Sick Fires
==> Snails: Retrieve Arms

==> Diamond Tiara: Equip Strife Specibus

You retrieve your Diamond Studded Tiara from your deck- at least, the spare you had lying around. You couldn't go around NOT wearing your primary Diamond Studded Tiara- it's your namesake! Which also makes it the perfect thing for your Strife Specibus- why everypony didn't use Crownkind was beyond you.

With a mighty heft, you send your spare tiara sailing through the air, knocking over a few bottles you had Randolph set up in the back yard. The tiara bounced between them like a ping-pong ball, and you struck a pose that would make Sailor Luna proud.

You were the BEST SBARN player, and you hadn't even start yet. Go you.

You order Randolph to fetch your tiara, and he obliges- sticking it on one of your many Fetch Modus cards. Turns out the Butler Modus worked by having your butler carry everything around. Certainly made a lot more sense than stacks of decks or whatever Silver Spoon said.

You check the time- it was nearing noon. Neither of your parents would be home any time soon- father wouldn't be home until late at night, running Barnyard Bargains. And mother was on another spa date.

Which was fine! Just more time to yourself to play this silly game. You weren't lonely. Nope.

==> Talk to your best friend

glamHeiress [GH] started pestering sharpClerical [SC]

[GH] Crownkind is the best Strife Specibus anypony could possibly use.
[GH] Keep that in mind when I ask what silly Specibus you chose.
[SC] So let me get this straight.
[SC] You thought the most optimal way to combat whatever challenges SBARN would face you.
[SC] Would be by throwing your VERY EXPENSIVE hat at it?
[GH] Duh?
[SC] Anyways.
[SC] I only have the one card, but it looks like there's room for more in the deck.
[SC] I have a plan. A very cunning plan.
[SC] And my plan starts with the Bladekind Specibus.
[GH] WHAT THE HAY SILVER?!
[GH] YOU'RE USING KNIVES?!
[SC] Only until I can gain more cards- there must be some mechanic in-game to acquiring a full Strife Deck.
[SC] I was going to use Spoonkind, originally- but I think that would have been a terrible error of judgement, just to do so because it's my namesake.
[SC] Oh sweet Celestia, THAT'S why you chose Crownkind, wasn't it?
[GH] DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!
[SC] Don't worry, Diamond- your secret is safe with me.
[SC] And safe with everypony with more than two brain cells to rub together and figure out the connection.
[SC] But mostly me.
[GH] UUUUUUGH!
[SC] At any rate, I probably won't be directly using my Strife Specibus by itself.
[SC] By filling up a stack in my Fetch Modus, I think I've finally figured out a way to use it's mechanics to combat whatever minor threats the game poses.
[GH] Meaning?
[SC] Urgh- I fill up a stack with silverware, then pick up more things to add to that stack and eject the silverware out of it at my foes.
[GH] That's a REALLY roundabout way to just throw something at somepony.
[SC] Well excuse me for not having enough upper body strength to launch cutlery at high enough speeds to embed it in the wall.
[GH] What!?
[SC] I have to go.

sharpClerical [SC] stopped whinnying at glamHeiress [GH]

==> Silver Spoon: Experiment
==> Sweetie Belle: Spit Sick Fires
==> Snails: Retrieve Arms
==> Clients: Connect to your Servers

==> Silver Spoon: Experiment

Gladly.

You take a look at the dartboard set up in your father's den. The perfect target. You reach over and grab a spork from your set of silverware, and launch the knife out from the bottom of your stack. It sails through the air, jamming straight into the center of the dartboard.

You smile, nodding- yes, you were finally getting the hang of this!

You then quickly retrieve the many, many other pieces of silverware jammed into the wall around the dartboard, having missed completely earlier. Well, you know what they say- practice makes perfect.

As you shove the last spoon into your weaponized Fetch Modus, your book starts buzzing again- seems that Diamond Tiara wants to speak with you.

==> Silver Spoon: Respond

glamHeiress [GH] started pestering sharpClerical [SC]

sharpClerical [SC] stopped whinnying at glamHeiress [GH]

Well, that was almost embarrassing.

==> Diamond Tiara: Equip Strife Specibus
==> Sweetie Belle: Spit Sick Fires
==> Snails: Retrieve Arms
==> Clients: Connect to your Servers

==> Sweetie Belle: Spit Sick Fires

You scrunch up your face cutely- you can't spit fires, sick or otherwise! You're a pony, not a dragon!

You can sing a little ditty, though. Which it seems is what you have to do right now as you fiddle around with your Ocarina Modus.

Opalescence hisses as you grab the ball of yarn she was batting around- sorry kitty, but you need to practice! The yarn pops up on a card, the bottom of which shows a small set of notes.

Ball of Yarn

And the yarn pops out, scaring Opalescence out of her skin. Silly cat.

marshmallowConcerto [MC] started responding to memo: Team Crusaders for the Win!

[MC] So, turns out it's not really anything to do with the actual Ocarina instrument?
[MC] It just gives the item musical notes based on it, which you've got to sing in order to retrieve the item.
[CC] well that seems to fit ya right perfectly, Sweetie Belle! You're great at singin!
[MC] Awww, I'm nothing special. It's just nice to sing sometimes, you know?
[MC] What about you, Bloom? Figure out your Modus?
[CC] well it certainly was a tough nut to crack!
[CC] but I think I got it
[CC] the modus says "alchemy" on the back, and whenever I pick somethin up it splits the item into at least two things
[CC] and I think those things must be somehow related to making the original item?
[CC] so ya just match the right cards up and there ya go!
[MC] That's kinda weird 9_6
[CC]I've been meanin to ask
[CC] what's up with all the faces?
[MC] I just think it's cute!
[MC] Plus it helps more accurately portray tone in a toneless format! ^_^
[CC] I guess so!

Well, that's one game mechanic down. You're curious, though- taking the yarn again (and agitating your cat further with these keep-away shenanigans), you flip the card over on the back. You thought you saw something before- and it turns out you're right. Another series of letters and numbers corresponding to the item on your card: AGgC8ALb.

Huh. Looks like a load of gibberish. You shrug, and turn your attention to the final part of your book- your Strife Specibus. Spike had let you all know earlier that Silver Spoon figured it was for fighting- and the best thing Spike could come up with to use was a book. Well, at least it was heavy- and you've got a lot of heavy stuff here in the Boutique to use, but you're not sure if you wanna. Sewing Machine was right out- how do you even wield it? Needles sounded promising- but the thought of stabbing something with a needle gave you chills.

Maybe you could put some of this dumb fabric to use?

==> Diamond Tiara: Equip Strife Specibus
==> Silver Spoon: Experiment
==> Snails: Retrieve Arms
==> Clients: Connect to your Servers

==> Clients: Connect to your Server

glamHeiress [GH] started whinnying greatGarbunkle [GG]

[GH] Alright, I'm activating the Server crystal now so you BETTER be ready.
[GG] Yup- got my snacks and everything!
[GH] Is that all you boys ever think about? Eating?
[GG] I'm a growing dragon! I need the biomass!
[GH] Eugh, WHATever.

cuteCrusader [CC] started whinnying tiptopYankees [TY]

[CC] y'all ready, Babs?
[TY] yup
[TY] lets do this filly
[CC] we're doing this, Babs!
[TY] were makin this HAPPEN

sirPippington [SP] started whinnying pepperMint [PM]

[SP] well i've got that ol' server crystal ready and rearing to go, chap!
[PM] I'm so excited! Finally gonna start playing this game!
[SP] i've got a swell feeling about this- fun times abound, for sure!

==> [ S ] Clients: Stare, mesmerized by the loading process

Yeah that's definitely a thing you do.

Looks like it's time to start playing the game-

==> Years in the future, but not many

Author's Note

And so it begins, and how I wish it wouldn't. And yet- it always would have begun. We're living proof of that, it seems.

I'm so, so sorry. I wish there was another way. But no matter the arcana I've unearthed, the studies I've made- it all come back to this. The end of all things, and it's simultaneous beginning.

Be safe, my little ponies. Be safe and win this for us.

==> x2 Double Psyche Out...?

You are now someone else. And that someone else is Spike. And that someone else is also having a meltdown.

greatGarbunkle [GG] started whinnying glamHeiress [GH]

[GG] There's gotta be at least 20 bathrooms in this castle.
[GG] And out of every single one available to you, you had to go and wreck my own, actual personal bathroom.
[GG] What even happened to the tub?!
[GH] Oh quit whining, I can put it back!
[GG] We haven't even started any of the actual game bits, you're just messing up my house!
[GG] Which, in case you don't remember, is also the house of a princess!
[GH] I SAID I can FIX IT.

You hear a crash elsewhere in the crystal tree castle, and another bead of sweat gathers on your brow. Things certainly started flying off the handle faster than you anticipated. It's like those things wanted absolutely nothing to do with the handle. Everything that handle has said and done to these things just totally put them off, alienating all the handle's friends and family.

==> Meanwhile, on the Server's end

You drag and drop the tub back into the bathroom, the chunk of floor you ripped up with it sitting on top of the hastily filled hole.

The perfect crime.

[GH] There, your stupid tub's back. I'm going to start placing down whatever these doohickeys are in the registry.
[GH] We've got: the Alchemiter, Cruxtruder, Totem Lathe, and Pre-Punched Card.
[GG] Okay, just be careful where you put them!
[GH] I'm ALWAYS careful.

You decide to start with the Cruxtruder- it's the biggest thing, so might as well. Jeeze, this place has a lot of space- it's honestly difficult to choose a spot. Maybe one of the half dozen balconies?

You set down the Cruxtruder, and deploy the Totem Lathe and Alchemiter right next to it.

[GG] I just heard the castle creak, what did you do?
[GH] I just put those machines on the balcony. You should check them out and see what they do.
[GG] Which balcony?
[GH] I don't know! The one next to the big flag thingy!
[GG] That's up like 10 flights of stairs!
[GH] Better start walking, then!

==> Back to Spike

You're really starting to hate stairs. You already had a rocky relationship with them after the whole Sombra thing, and then there was the banister accident this morning. Next chance you get, you're gonna warn everypony else about stairs. It's about time someone told them, bro.

After ascending many, many flights you finally make it to the giant balcony on the western side of the castle. The gleaming white machinery clashes with the crystalline structure of the castle- it's just... kinda plain, really. The Totem Lathe seems to live up to it's name- looks like a regular old lathe someone would use for carving. Then there's that big... platformy looking thing with some kind of jointed swinging-arm dealy. And finally, the last one- which is some just really egregiously big blocky thing with a round chimney coming out of the top.

[GG] What do any of these things even do?
[GH] Oh gee, why don't I consult the instructions and figure it out~?
[GH] I don't KNOW this stupid game won't tell me anything about anything!
[GG] Well, the big blocky thing has some kind of valve on it.
[GG] Maybe I should try cranking it?
[GH] Don't just stand around talking about it, just do it!

You snap shut the book again. Jeeze, you really wish you had a better pony as your server player.

Author's Note

Well, they've finally got things in motion. Fun.

Much as I enjoy a good scramble, this cycle has always left a bitter taste in my mouth. Oh, certainly I probably would have enjoyed it earlier in my life- but now? Honestly it seems cruel.

She says these children have to win this game, but honestly- look at them! So powerless and bickering- ESPECIALLY the bickering! First hand, I know exactly how powerful these ponies bickering can be.

But does she listen to me? NoOoOoOoOo! After all I've done, you'd think she might finally learn to trust me just a skosh.

Whatever. This Mobius Hextaneous Micro-Daisy-Chain is already in motion, and worst of all I put it in motion to begin with. C'est la vie.

She just better keep her safe during all this.

==> Spike: Extract Kernelsprite from Cruxtruder

What do the what? You're a little busy at the moment for nonsense- and no thanks to your server player.

greatGarbunkle [GG] started whinnying glamHeiress [GH]

[GG] Jeeze, this thing is really screwed on tight!
[GG] Can't you find something in the castle to help?
[GH] Like WHAT? There's like a million rooms here, you want me to just start looking in every room?
[GG] No definitely don't do that!
[GG] Maybe just stick to the first two floors! Yeah!
[GH] Uh-huuuuuuh.
[GH] And why such a specific request anyways?
[GG] No reason, just stay out of the third floor and we can continue to get along.
[GH] Suuuuuurre~
[GG] You know you sound like some kind of comic book villain when you end your sentences with tildes, right?
[GH] Tildes?
[GG] The weird curly things. Only evil people use those- er... most of the time.
[GH] Oh well gee THANKS!
[GH] That's TOTALLY a thing ponies just say to each other in civil conversation!
[GG] Just saying! Maybe it'd help your image a little.
[GG] Now can we PLEASE find something heavy to bust this thing open with I can not turn this crank.
[GH] Duck.
[GG] What?

You turn around- just in time to see a huge honking piece of tree come flying up the side of the castle. You scream, diving off the side of the Cruxtruder as most of a tree stump gets slam dunked on top of it. You stare, slack-jawed for a moment, before belching out your book and quill, furiously scribbling

[GG] THAT WAS THE TRUNK FROM THE OLD LIBRARY!
[GG] EVERYONE WORKED SO HARD TO PUT THAT UP IN THE FOYER!
[GG] WHY CAN'T WE HAVE NICE THINGS, DIAMOND?
[GH] Quit whining like a little blank flank, it's open now isn't it?
[GG] But at what cost!
[GG] But. At. What. Cost.

Forget Twilight being mad at you for the damage to the castle so far. You might as well pack up and move to the dragon lands, because as far you were concerned your friends were gonna hunt you down to the ends of the world for the copious amounts of Shenanigans happening right now. At least you extracted the Kernelsprite from the Cruxtruder. Yay?

==> Apple Bloom: Use Pre-Punched Card on Cruxite Dowel

You're working on it- not much space to navigate the loft with the darn Totem Lathe taking up most of the space. It takes lots of lass-scampering and more than a few quickly timed youth rolls to avoid falling off the edge as you finally manage to wedge the dowel in there. Now to just jam in that card-

Pet-sterlog:

[Winona] ARF ARF! WOOF WOOF!
[Apple Bloom] i see it, Winona! yes it's very glowy and round, but it ain't no ball to play with!
[Winona] WOOF WOOF WOOF!
[Apple Bloom] girl, i swear if'n you don't calm down-

You try to hold on to that thought- or really hold on to anything. Because now you're falling- oops.

Pet-sterlog:

[Winona] B A R K !

You yelp as something crashes into the side of you, sending you careening away from painful death by falling and into a relatively softer landing in a pile of hay. Oh sweet Celestia it's everywhere- your hair, your eyes, your mouth, why didn't you shut your mouth and quit screaming it was just a twenty foot drop.

After much struggling, you finally right yourself- spitting out a mouthful of stale, non-food grade hay. It's much quieter.

Weird, where did Winona go-

Wait.

What.

Spritelog:

[Winonasprite] Arf!
[Apple Bloom] Winona?

==>

==> I've Been Every Pony

More Horses. Yet to be scheduled.

==> Let's check on a dragon instead.

Author's Note

What am I doing with my life. Someone please stop me. This is gonna be a trainwreck. Why did I even put digital pen to digital paper.

Literally what is the point of this? Just some kind of self-wankery reach-around fanfic crossover writery over the fact that I found an ancient piece of art of these ponies (and dragon) as god tiers? Seriously, this is a terrible idea.

But you know what? I'm gonna write it. I'm gonna write it anyways. Just like I'm writing every other story on this site- with lots of steam for the first couple chapters, and then a few scattered sentences each every couple of days as I slowly chug along from project to project.

God help me.

==> Snails: Retrieve Arms

Huh?

You are now Snails. And right now, you're a little distracted- the game your pals were playing today sure had a lot of weird words. Pip was telling everypony something about Fetch Moduses (Modi?), so checking it out seemed like the thing to do. The card said something about miracles- and as you stared at the flashing, colorful cards you just sent your bucket carrying stick into, you were inclined to agree.

Gosh, it was so pretty to look at. But you couldn't leave your poor stick in there- it was your stick! You needed it. For stick things.

==> Snails: Get ye stick

Oh, okay. You just sorta... reach out and take your stick. And then the colorful cards flash away.

Aww...

glitterShell [GS] started replying to memo: Team Barbershop Quartet!

[GS] those cards sure are pretty colorful
[SP] can't say i know what you mean- mine come only in one shade, chap!
[GS] aww man
[SC] this modus stuff is so dumb! i cant figure any of it out
[SC] every time i try to take anything out the whole thing empties and its so DUMB!
[SP] golly! that does sound bothersome!
[SP] what's your modus even called?
[SC] tree
[SC] its SO DUMB!
[GS] huh
[GS] maybe you just gotta like
[GS] prune it less
[SC] snails that doesnt make sense its just a bunch of cards im not cutting anything
[PM] Actually I think Snails is onto something!
[PM] Each of these Modi seem to work based on some kind of gimmick
[PM] Is there anything on your card, option-wise?
[SC] uhh
[SC] yeah theres a switch that says root and leaf and a little box that says autobalance
[PM] Try switching it to "Leaf"- I think that should let you pick the leaves that your items are on!
[SC] oh snap!
[SP] a right genius you are, twist! jolly good show!

You smile- man, you're so glad you've got your friends on your team. Doing instead of thinking has gotten you through life so far, but sometimes it good to know a pony who does the thinking first.

==> Diamond Tiara: Equip Strife Specibus
==> Silver Spoon: Experiment
==> Sweetie Belle: Spit Sick Fires
==> Clients: Connect to your Servers

==> Years in the future, but not many

A Brusque Quarreler takes respite from an oppressive sun. Her journey has been a long one, fraught with peril, intrigue, double-crosses, and many other adventurous words one could think of. But right now, she just wants a rest.

She steps inside an all too familiar laboratory- or at least half of it, strangely enough. But she'd rather not think about such things right now. Can't a girl get a break for once? Jeeze!

==> BQ: Scavenge for food

She is not some filthy scavenger- such practices are below this noble lady. She will, however, search in a dignified manner. If she remembers the layout of this place right, there should be- ahah! With just the right amount of leverage, a cabinet pops open- revealing a glorious hoard of canned goods!

==> BQ: Expound upon your mysterious past while gorging on this highly preserved feast

Nah. Sod off, she's eating.

==> Be someone else?

Well, you're certainly not getting anything out of her, so might as well.

Author's Note

What a terrible fate to behold- this truly is how everything started? No wonder we turned out the way we are- such a garrulous sort! Though I suppose being my own counterpart, it says more about me than her.

We really have disliked that title, haven't we? With so much connotation riding on it.

I'm rambling- though I suppose that is how commentary works. I'm going to have a long time to get better at it.

==> Minutes Earlier...

...But only just a little over four

sirPippington [SP] started whinnying pepperMint [PM]

[SP] by jove this is a hefty looking doohickey!
[PM] Honestly I'm surprised it even fits in your house!
[SP] yeah the ol' flat isn't as spacious as it could be.
[SP] but it's home, you know?
[PM] I'll try to be careful- here, let me put down the Totem Lathe, there's a perfect nook for it downstairs
[SP] a nook?
[PM] Yeah! Right by the coat hanger in the living room
[SP] twistaloo?
[PM] Yeah?
[SP] that's where the door is, chum.
[PM] D:

You stare at the totem lathe, now effectively trapping you inside your own home- yep, the door totally opens inwards. You are a stuck pony. Pony-stuck, even.

Your mum is going to be quite cross when she tries to come back from grocery shopping.

==>

cuteCrusader [CC] started whinnying tiptopYankees [TY]

[CC] Babs yer my cousin so i'm gonna try and be as civil about this as possible
[CC] but y'all are making it real hard to get to all these whatchamacallits!
[TY] listen alright i didnt know yad have to do so much scramblin around
[TY] stuffs more complicated than i thought
[TY] nothin in the manual said anythin about countdowns or weird glowy balls or
[TY] any of this crazy crap really
[CC] y'all got a manual with your copy???
[TY] nah an thats exactly my point cuz
[TY] this game
[TY] is a load a hot friggin garbage

You pause your conversation as Winona yaps at the orb more. Come on, girl- it's just game magic! Calm down, half the town can here ya throwing a fit!

[CC] where'd ya even put the last one?
[TY] now
[TY] dont get mad
[TY] but its in the loft
[CC] in my house?
[TY] in the barn
[CC] BABS
[TY] i said dont get mad

You huff, slamming the book shut as you rush out the living room and outside, barreling towards the barn as Winona and that weird glowy orb thing high-tail it right behind you.

==> Spike: Extract Kernelsprite from Cruxtruder