The Laughter Games

by Parallel Black

Rating: everyone
Tags: Adventure, Dark, Comedy
Length: 1442

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2017-04-20 12:28:49 UTC

Hoof and Tail

Twilight sat in the middle of Ponyville’s town square. Beside her was a large box full of odd metal collars, and in front of her squirmed a makeshift cage brimming with the captured clones Pinkie Pie had made earlier that week. The repairs to Ponyville had begun and the question of what to do with the clones had been discussed for the past few days, with the residents eventually leaving it to Twilight and her friends to decide their fate. Some had been worried about keeping them around considering Pinkie Pie’s appetite, but the clones didn’t seem to need sustenance. They simply lived off the magic in the air like a bunch of insane, sort-of-but-not-really-sentient plants.

At first Twilight and her friends had opted for the natural choice: Become friends with them. The Pinkies were certainly friendly enough in their own right, and once the ire of the townponies had settled down attempts were made to converse and interact with them. Alas, the clones proved too limited in their vocabularies and wants for most to bother with. Next, the original had come up with what originally sounded like a fantastic idea in which a Pinkie Pie would be placed into each home to try and integrate them - and if that failed, to keep as a pet.

The destruction had been even worse than the first time. Curiosity lead the clones to grab whatever caught their eye from the homes, only to drop it all as soon as they escaped back into the street. They were like the instinct of an animal mixed with a child’s lack of responsibilities, and it took the rest of the day to re-corral them all. Everyone simply got sick of them, and so it fell to Twilight and co’ to think of their own way of getting rid of them.

Twilight thought on her decision for a few minutes, considering all the ramifications it might have depending on the variables that would come into play. She looked down at the collar in her hooves before reaching toward the bars. The clones immediately took notice, gathering and pushing themselves against the side of the cage to receive the next “present”.

Said present was actually one of countless metallic collars Celestia had dredged out of one of the palace’s storage dungeons. Transmitting a signal back to a central receiver, the collars would broadcast each clone’s position 24/7 as well reading basic vital signs via the rhythmic pulsing of the veins in the neck. A happy, babbling Pinkie Pie grabbed the collar and innocently locked it around her own neck, as she’d seen done to her many sisters.

Twilight brought out another collar and hoofed it over. Celestia’s plan was to use each Pinkie Pie to map out the depths of the Everfree, and, assuming the individual survived, make it to a collection point just north-west of Dodge Junction to be put back into storage. The latter was assuming this all worked out and the Pinkies turned out to be a viable, expendable source of test subjects.

The unicorn paused, discovering a tiny spark of what almost felt like jealousy welling up inside. Not of heading into the Everfree, of course, but of Pinkie Pie for being the one to use the Mirror Pool in the first place. What would her clones have turned out like? Would they be just as brainless as Pinkie’s, or would they have taken on her smarts and been able to assist her and the rest of Equestria with all manner of scientific and magical studies?

What if they cloned Big Mac instead, and overflowed Equestria with an army of all the work ponies it could ever need? Or Rainbow Dash for a fighting squadron, or Fluttershy for pet sitting and medical services? There were so many possibilities that could have, no, should have been explored before the Mirror Pool was classified as forbidden ground.

Another collar clicked into place and the Pinkies collectively rejoiced. Not a single one had been left out of this round of gift-giving except for Twilight, so they quickly began looking around and amongst each other for something to give in return.

The sight was an amusing one, gaining a small smirk from Twilight. There were still plenty of collars left, so she hoofed an extra one over to the nearest Pie. “There, now you can give that back… to…”

“Fun!” the clone exclaimed in joy, enjoying its second super-special present that was now firmly sealed around its neck. It looked back at Twilight’s confused face and immediately realized its horrible mistake. “Fun, fu-... fuuaaa! FUUUUUUUUAAAAAANNN!!!” it wailed in anguish as it tried to pry the second collar off its neck.

“H-hey! Hey! It’s ok, let me just…” Twilight wrapped the second collar in her magic and released the internal lock, popping it off the clone and locking it onto her own neck. The clones stared at her silently. “Gee, thanks for the gift! It really… - chafes, actually - feels nice against my brachiocephalicus...”

At that the cage lit up once more with shouts of “Fun!” and “Fun! Fun!”, the Pinkies over the moon at what they saw as a new sister.

“Of course. Fun.”

Princess Celestia glided through the sky above Ponyville. If not for her mane she might have been mistaken for a large swan. Either way it was to her benefit that there were more ponies sunbathing than flying in this hot weather; less to witness her swooping around like some common goose. She craned her neck and focused her gaze on the edge of the Everfree Forest, adjacent to Ponyville and spotted a tiny speck of lavender next to a writhing mass of pink.

Twilight had just finished carrying the cage and its contents into position. The cage door was pointed down the rarely-trodden path leading into the forest, ready to spew out its first trotting pink horror. With silent grace Celestia landed. She sidled up behind her student in an attempt to surprise her, but a sudden round of cheering from the clones alerted Twilight to her presence.

She was still surprised to see her mentor standing mere inches from her. “Oh! Princess, you’re here! Everything’s ready for the test run. I’ve checked each and every collar to make sure they all work, and I’ve positioned the cage and cleared away any vegetation obscuring the path to provide optimal chances that the clones will head in the right direction!”

Celestia smiled and nodded in approval. She noticed the extra collar around Twilight’s neck and chuckled. “I think you’ve done enough to impress me, little Twilight. But joining your new friends is not one of them.”

Twilight looked at the collar as if just noticing it for the first time and blushed. “Aha, that was… well, the Pinkies wanted to give me something after all the ‘gifts’ I gave them.”

Celestia chuckled again and peered at the contents of the cage. “Golems can be quite… personable every once in a while.” She looked back to her student. “I trust we’re both ready to begin the experiment?”

Twilight removed the collar and nodded, taking Celestia’s unspoken advice on not getting too attached. It was unlikely that all of these clones would make it to their destination, after all. She levitated a notepad and a small, white-tipped paintbrush and looked to the Pinkie closest to the door. “001” was written on its collar, marking it as the very first contender for the gauntlet ahead.

Without further ado the door was inched open. As predicted the clones swarmed for the exit with glee, eager to escape and have more fun fun fun with Ponyville and its residents, but 001 found herself floating out instead of bouncing, surrounded by an aura of golden magic while the door was quickly shut behind her.

Her hooves contacted the ground and she immediately bent her knees and tried to boink. Her eyes flicked about every which way and her mane and tail almost seemed to buzz with uncontainable energy. A tiny crystal set within her collar began to glow, earning an excited “Oooh!” from the clone. At Celestia’s behest, a large, circular hologram appeared between them, displaying whatever the collar was pointed at. This way they could explore alongside the clone and see whatever she saw.

The golden aura faded and the clone slowly began to trot, her face brightening up even more as she felt the resistance slowly disappearing. Off she went into the forest, soon switching to the clones’ maddening bounce as she vanished amongst the trees.

“Now, we wait and see what happens…”