Princess Luna Wants Ice Cream
Ice cream: a frozen food everypony—big and small—adores. In fact, they adore it almost as much as they adore their parents, their dog, and their personal hygiene.(The hygiene one only goes for some though.)
Year round, this delectable treat is consumed by ponies of all ages so often, one may dare call it unhealthy.
Those ponies have no idea what they're talking about though, so we'll disregard what they say and pretend that their degrees in health are just forged.
What isn't forged are the statistics about who consumes ice cream. Ponies of all ages, be they five, ten, twenty, one thousand years old, devour this frozen beauty all day, every day!
“But Celestia, I want some ice cream!”
Case in point: Princess Luna, a millennia plus old alicorn who decided throwing a temper tantrum in the royal dining room would be the best way to convince her sister that having some of this brain freeze inducing stuff is the best way to convey an argument.
“Lulu, as I've said before: not until you finish your vegetables,” Celestia replied as she pushed her sister's dinner plate back over to her. “Now, finish them, and maybe you can have some ice cream.”
Luna, like any younger sibling (especially ones who were banished to the planets nearest neighbor) wasn't having any of her sister's reasonable sass and pushed the plate away. “Dearest sister, I will not have any of those wretched carrots!” she protested. “Especially since they’re so… bitter”
Celestia rolled her eyes at her sister's protest.
As much as she loved Luna, she questioned why she always insisted on eating her veggies with sour cream and sauerkraut.
“Well, what if you eat five more carrots?” Celestia asked with a warm, almost motherly smile. “For me?”
Luna shook her head.
“Four?”
Luna, once again, shook her head.
“Three?”
Luna, yet again, shook her head, now sporting a frown on her face.
“Two?”
Take a guess.
“One…?”
“Celly, I will not have another vegetable!” Luna shouted, her voice echoing throughout the room. “Now, gimme my ice cream, or I'll crash the moon into the planet!”
Celestia facehoofed enough times to give any other pony a concussion. “Luna, why must you always make ridiculous threats like that?” she asked. “Seriously, I know for a fact you won't do it—and so do you!”
Luna sighed and lowered her head in shame. “I know…”
Celestia got up and walked over to her sister's side. “So… will you eat your veggies now?”
Luna turned her head slowly and smirked. “Of course not, dear sister!” she said. “Now, can I have my ice cream now?”
Celestia fell backwards. She covered her face with her forelegs and let out a long groan.
“One vegetable,” she said as her legs slowly went down her face. “Just one. That's all I ask.”
“Not now, not ever,” Luna replied. “Now, if you don't get me my ice cream, I'll get it myself.”
As those words exited Luna's mouth, an idea hit Celestia like a meteor hitting the planet.
Without the whole ‘burning up in the atmosphere’ thing, but the less said about Celestia burning up, the better.
“Okay, Luna,” Celestia said as she stood up. “You can have your ice cream… but allow me to get it.”
“Really!?” Luna asked, a childlike smile on her first. Somehow she'd become ignorant to her older sister's sudden willingness to get her Equestria’s favorite summer food.
“Yes, really,” Celestia replied. “Now, I'll be right back.” With that, the princess of the sun made her way to the kitchen, a devious smile on her face.
The royal kitchen: a place filled with the finest foods, china, cooks, maids, and princesses preparing to prank their sisters on the face of Equus.
“Okay, let's see,” Celestia murmured as she looked through the royal refrigerator. “Bread, bread, why is there so much… who needs this much bread!?”
“Your highness, you asked us to stock up on bread after you ran out of it last time when you wanted a sandwich,” a nearby cook—his coat as blue as the sky—said. “Remember? You practically had a meltdown over it!”
Celestia blushed and sheepishly chuckled. “Oh… right,” she said. “Um… anyways, where are the sandwich condiments?”
“Behind the bread?”
Celestia removed several loafs of bread (which nearly created a small pyramid). “Ah-hah!” she exclaimed happily as she pulled out some mayonnaise, mustard, whipped cream, and a bottle of water. “Now, to pull off my beautiful plan!”
“Um… what plan?”
“Look, all that matters is that I make Luna some ice cream,” Celestia replied as she levitated down a bowl. “Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to do just that.”
“With mayonnaise, mustard-”
“Chef, if you don't leave the kitchen now, I'm going to make you eat this too.”
The chef cringed at the thought of having to be anywhere near Celestia’s cooking. In a flash, he left the room, leaving behind his hat, which floated in the air for a fraction of a second before it was levitated by Celestia onto her regal mane.
“Ah, now I'm all set!” she said gleefully as she got to work on preparing the single most unappetizing thing that had ever [dis]graced the face of Equestria.
Bar. None.
From an outsider's perspective, either a tornado worthy of an F6 label had torn through the royal kitchen or Celestia had just made a meal.
“And… done!”
Thankfully, nopony would have to listen to Twilight's eulogy today.
Yes, what had started out as a bowl of ice cream covered in condiments and whipped cream had grown into a full blown sundae, complete with the aforementioned ingredients, but now with hidden vegetables and salt.
Because if there's one thing that makes ice cream better: it's salt.
“My masterpiece is finished,” Celestia said as she looked up at the… thing that loomed before her. “When Luna's done with this, she'll never steal my ice cream ever again…” She shook her head and blushed, unaware that nopony was around. "She'll also no doubt eat her veggies when I tell her to.”
With a ridiculous amount of concentration, Celestia levitated up the behemoth of a sundae and made her way to the royal dining room.
“Oh, Luna!” the princess of the sun[dae] yelled from behind the monolithic abomination of stomachaches. “I have your… ice cream…”
Much to Celestia's shock, dismay, and bewilderment, Luna had eaten an entire bucket of ice cream, and was now fast asleep on the floor, the spoon (and bucket) right next to her.
“Luna!” the princess of ice cream shrieked. “When… how…” Celestia placed the giant structure/frozen treat on the floor and fell backwards. “How did I not see this…?”
Luna groggily opened her eyes. “Oh, 'tia.” She yawned and sat up. “I got tired of waiting and figured you'd fallen in the bathroom again. So, I got the ice cream myself,” Luna continued. Her eyes then landed upon the thing her sister had somehow made. “Oh, is that for us?!”
“N-no, it's for you!” Celestia stuttered, the mere thought of having to eat that thing being enough to make her heart race and her stomach turn into a black hole. “All for you! My dear sister!”
“Nonsense, Celly!” Luna said as she levitated over a spare bowl and spoon for her sister. “I insist we share this!” She scooped some of the thing for her sister and pushed it against her. “Besides, it's far too big for me to eat alone. I'd explode if I tried to do that!”
Celestia gulped. She looked down at the ice cream that masked an unfathomable amount of mayonnaise and mustard, which itself was covered by enough whipped cream to bury Ponyville.
The mere thought of consuming this made Celestia gag.
Repeatedly.
“Are you okay, 'tia?” Luna asked softly as she scooped some of the thing up and put it in her ice cream bowl. “Are you feeling ill.”
“Y-yes,” Celestia lied unconvincingly. “I just… have a tickle in my throat!”
Luna raised an eyebrow and shook her head. “Alright,” she said as she took a large spoonful of the abomination. “Mmm… this is lovely!”
“What!?” Celestia asked, her eyes practically leaping out of her head.
“Yeah, this is amazing!” Luna exclaimed as she took another spoonful of the thing. “Try some!”
“N-no, I-”
Luna forced her spoon into her sister's mouth and smiled almost deviously as her sister's facial expression changed a dozen times in the blink of an eye.
Eleven them being expressions of unrelenting disgust.
One of them being one of a realization as to just how utterly messed up this whole situation was—and that she was no doubt going to get no sleep that night.
“So, what do you think, dearest sister?” Luna asked with a smirk.
I’ve tasted toxic chemicals that taste less vile than this, Celestia thought as she chewed the horror show of a sundae. She shuddered as she swallowed the garbage she dared called a frozen treat and forced a smile. “It's… delicious!”
Luna chuckled. “Do not lie, 'tia,” she said as she took another spoonful. “I know you wanted me to not enjoy this!”
Celestia’s face turned beat red. She gulped and shook her head. “N-nonsense, Lulu,” she said. “I would never do that. I would never make you eat something so horrible.”
“Oh, c'mon, Celestia,” Luna replied. “You've made me eat carrots for breakfast, lunch, and dinner because you said it was better than a bucket of chocolate! That was almost as terrible when I was Nightmare Moon!”
Celestia rolled her eyes. “Yeah, sure, Luna,” she said under her breath as she watched her sister take yet another spoonful of the dumpster fire of a sundae. “How on Equus are you not sick of this yet?”
“I question how you're sick of it, Celly! This is absolutely heavenly!” Luna beamed. “I must know: what ever did you use?”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Um… well, I used mayonnaise, mustard… salt and water…”
“What else?” Luna asked as she took another spoonful, this one containing a small orange object in it.
Suffice to say: this triggered a primal instinct inside the princess of the night. An instinct normally associated with when one feels they're in danger.
Needless to say: what qualifies to danger for Luna wasn't quite the same as her elder sister.
“What was that!?” she shrieked as she spat the ice cream out. What. Was. It!?”
Celestia gulped. She'd seen her sister overreact to vegetables before. Many times!
I never should've messed with Luna's ice cream, Celestia thought as she prepared to tell her big-eyed sister the unholy truth. She cleared her throat before she calmly said, “I, uh… well, I added some vegetables-”
WHAM!
Celestia wasn't sure what was worse: the sound of her sister's shrieking as it violently assaulted her ears—or taking the full brunt of that monument-sized sundae to her face.
Either way, Celestia was sore. Very sore.
Everywhere.
She was also freezing and yearned for the heat of the outside world as she lay buried underneath the ice cream.
Thankfully, just above the mountain of the frozen delicacy, she could hear two royal guardponies talking.
“So… how are we supposed to get Celestia out from underneath this?” asked one of the guards, unsure if what he was looking at was ice cream or a ski resort inside the royal dining room.
“ I dunno. Should we have Luna eat it all?” asked the other guard.
“Are you kidding? She hasn't left the bathroom since she got us an hour earlier!” the other guard responded. He sighed and shook his head. “Let’s just leave this for night guard deal with. They'll have to do this work removing it manually. Besides, our shifts ends in a few minutes.”
Celestia moaned from beneath the ice cream as she heard the guards walk off.
It was going to be a long night.
I scream… you scream...
