So here's a funny story... Hi, my name's John. I am, or at least used to be, a human. Now I'm a bloody Deathclaw. Sound cool? Yeah, I thought so too. Bad news is that I'm a fracking Displaced, which of course means that I'm in Equestria. No, not Fallout: Equestria, that would be easy: kill raiders, knock sense into Trixie, and kick Red-Eye's and the Enclave's asses!

No... This isn't even Modern Equestria! Welcome to the world of Medieval Equestria, where Celestia and Luna are just your stock-standard adventurers with low-level gear and spells! And me? Let's think about this... I'm no normal deathclaw, I'm an Alpha deathclaw. In other words; that thing we do not touch without being about 1000 yards back and a mini-nuke launcher close at hand. My skin can almost certainly stop swords, and somehow I'm Holy-aligned. So... Yeah. Mastery over all things anti-demonic and anti-zombie are mine. No, I'm not sure how in Oblivion it happened either.

In any case, I end up being Doom-Driven Party Memeber Number Three with a beggining Paladin/Cleric Celestia and Rogue/Illusionist Luna. This cannot possibly go wrong, right guys?

Certainly not.

Nothin' to it!

Of course not... You Murphy-calling IDIOT!!!

Oh, right. John forgot to mention us voices in his head. Hello!

So... Yeah. Hopefully it doesn't get too insane on us all...

Oh, who am I kidding? Brace yourself, and beware of gory death by deathclaw. And later shipping, nearly forgot that one.

Ah! Disclaimer: I own nothing except the made-up characters. Everything else belongs to Hasbro, Nintendo, and Bethesda respectively.