MLP Watches: Deadliest Warrior

by Nicranger

Rating: mature
Tags: Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy, Self Insert, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 1327

The mane six plus a few guest characters here and there watch the deadliest human warrior fight to the death for the title of Deadliest Warrior!

(This story was inspired by Deadmanx513's The mane six watches Death Battle so if you like this than definitely give his story a read.)

It's just one of those days that everything seems like it's going to be boring and peaceful in Ponyville...until a god decides to mess it up and suggest (i.e. force) the mane six to watch Deadliest Warrior.

Now Twilight and her friends get to witness humanities greatest ancient and modern warriors fight to the death to prove who is the deadliest of them all!

Published 2017-03-08 20:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-08 20:50:01 UTC

Prologue

In the depth's of the cosmos two beings of unrivaled power are currently in a battle of wits and wills unlike any other for a prize unrivaled in all of creation.

On one side stood a tall equine with a height of nearly seven feet with pure white fur, her mane and tail were a chocolate brown with a rather shaggy look to it and turquoise eyes that gleamed dangerously as her mind worked to overcome he foe. On her back were two large wings pulled tight to her sides and on her head pointed proudly was a long and sharp white horn. The final thing about the now known alicorn is the mark on her flank which was a quill in an ink bottle.

This was Faust, mother to Celestia and Luna and Goddess of Harmony and basically everything good in the world of Equestria.

Across form her stood a figure that may seem to be her complete opposite. The figure for one was bipedal and while being shorter than Faust at only six foot even was no less intimidating. The figure was rather slim in build but had an aura of bloodlust around him as he stared down the alicorn. The figure was clearly male by it's body type and wore a black tank t-shirt under a slightly worn dark brown trench coat, a pair of camo pant's tucked into a pair of combat boot's and had some type of large knife strapped to his right thigh. The thing that stood out about it the most however was the black gas mask that covered his entire face while letting his wild blood red hair flow to his shoulders.

This was Nicranger, or as he preferred to be called Ranger, God of War, bloodshed and basically anything Faust was against.

These two beings of power were currently in a heated battle like ones they had been having for many millennia. Now some may be wondering what they could be fighting over correct? That they must be fighting for something of ancient power or for the fate of Equestria hm? Well if you think so.... you would be fucking wrong!

"King me Ranger." said Faust with a smug smile as she moved her black checker piece into Ranger's end of the board once more.

Ranger for his part stared at the board blankly. It was easy to see Faust had won as she had four, now five, King pieces and he had barely a handful left of his own pieces which none of which were king pieces. It was silent for a moment before Ranger suddenly roared angrily and flipped the table sending the pieces flying everywhere.

"Fuck this damn game!" Roared the God as Faust just smiled calmly while watching her fellow immortal throw a tantrum.

"I guess this means I win again. Now I will take my prize." said Faust as she trotted with a skip in her step towards a large cake that was nearly three times her size with a hungry glint in her eye and a bit of drool.

"Easy to see where your daughter gets her cake obsession from. Now I'm bored after that bullshit game." Muttered Ranger to himself as he tried to find a way to alleviate his boredom. Checkers with Faust got old after the first three millennia after all.

Why couldn't they go back to the days of war and fighting? Now those were the best times of Ranger's immortal life! The greatest and deadliest warriors duking it out for a chance to come out on top, nations rising and falling in an endless cycle. Oh those were the days.

Ranger's thought halted as he picked up a few words, namely 'deadliest' and 'warrior'. Though one could not see it due to his mask a huge shit eating grin was on the God's face as he remembered his favorite show from way back when. He could watch that to pass the time! However it was more fun to watch a show with someone and Faust would just ruin the experience for him as she was all 'peace' and 'love', the very things that make Ranger want to gut himself with a rusty spoon....again.

Then again there were more ponies than Faust in this universe and he knew a particular group who may be just curious enough to indulge in his past time. So while Faust was busy slaughtering that poor cake that was the prize for the winner of their game Ranger quickly disappeared in a blood red mist to set his plan in motion.

Ponyville, Twilight's Castle

Currently the Princess of Friendship Twilight Sparkle was enjoying a little downtime in her personal library. Moments like these were a rarity what with her new duties as a princess but finally she had some time to just sit down and relax. No villains of old coming back to conquer Equestria, no friendship problems that she and her friends would have to solve, just her, Spike and a good book. At that moment Twilight Sparkle felt truly at peace with the world.

That was until a flaming portal opened up in the middle of her library and in rode Ranger on a flaming red chariot being pulled by two flaming skeletal horses.

"Element's of Harmony I have com-" Began Ranger only to stop when he was blasted in the face by a purple beam of magic from a now seriously ticked off and startled purple alicorn.

"What in Celestia's name are you and what are you doing in my home!?" Demanded Twilight readying another spell while Spike hid behind her.

"Well if you had let me finish instead of blasting me in the face like a jerk I would have told you!" Yelled Ranger angrily as Twilight laughed nervously knowing she may have jumped the gun a bit in attacking the weird being before her. But could you really blame her with all the shit she has been through.

"S-s-sorry about that. But really who and what are you and most importantly why did you just ride a chariot into my home?" Asked Twilight while frowning at the last part.

"Well to answer your questions in order, I am Ranger the God of War, Death, yadda, yadda and I did it because I wanted to make a bitching entrance which YOU ruined I might add." Answered Ranger as he narrowed his eyes at Twilight who could feel it even behind his mask.

"Ooookay? That doesn't explain why your here though?" Pointed out Twilight as she was now weary of Ranger due to the fact he was a God of things she particularly didn't find quite pleasant.

"Weeeeeellll I'm here because I'm bored and lonely and wanted to watch a kick ass show with you and your friends!" Announced Ranger happily making Twilight even more curious.

"And what kind of 'show' are we talking about?" Asked Twilight while Spike had now stopped hiding behind his mother/sister as his curiosity had been peaked as well.

"Just the most amazing show ever invented! It's called Deadliest Warrior and while I want to say more I think it's better if you watch it to see for yourself. Now go grab your friends so we can begin, your God commands it!" Yelled Ranger excitedly.

"But why-" Began Twilight before Ranger suddenly roared at her, "do as I say or I'll make you into a cake and feed you to Faust!"

Needless to say Twilight was gone in a poof of smoke leaving Spike to deal with the most likely unstable War God.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...want to go and make some popcorn while we wait?" Asked Ranger.

"...okay." Answered Spike as he led the God to the kitchen to make some popcorn as they waited for the Princess of Friendship to return with her friends with Faust none the wiser as she was still too consumed with eating her prize cake.