When life gives you ponies, you make war.
I'm Dexton Grey, and I was drafted into the war. So there I was, Sitting in my cozy little tent, with five other guys, all with guns. How pleasant. Now, if you add the fact that they're all pointed at me,, that make it even worse . Suddenly, I hear the bliss sound of gunfire. "What in the name of blueberry taquitos is going on?" I 'cussed'. I heard one of the men say something in a different language, then ran off. Then, suddenly, I was equipped with magical swirly-stuff. Glowy, magical swirly stuff. It's made out of rainbows. Yeah, I'm not the most focused soldier, am I? I got up, and tried to run away from the sparkly-fabulousness. But laziness overcame me, and I blacked out. In the middle of a battlefield. Ah, how great.
I heard voices.. Was I going insane? "He seems okay... Wait, he's waking up!" No, I guess somehow I hadn't died. And, to top that, I just might be okay! I opened my eyes, to see the most pleasant thing- a brightly colored, talking pony- sorry, unicorn, standing beside me. And to top that off, she was holding a sword over her shoulder, pointed at me. "Don't be alarmed, we don't mean to hurt you. " She said. Well, you know, when someone has a sword to your head, they're peaceful, right? Of course, I didn't feel like my head needed a new head piercing, so I kept that quiet, instead saying: "Oh, cause weapon really helps me believe that." I said sarcastically, making me mentally bang my head on a wall. Yeah. I keep one of those in han- er, head. Seriously though, why did I have to say that? I rubbed my eyes, and looked around. There were five of them. "So Rarity, what do we do with him?" The pink one asked. "Well, I guess we can try to convince him to..." Rarity said. The others nodded. "Um... Mr. Human?" The yellow one asked, hiding behind the blue one. "Could you maybe... Please... Help us? We're in a bit of a crisis..." Crisis? "Um, I don't know. I kinda need to get back home, because there's kinda a crisis there too. Rarity looked at me. "Well, the only way you're getting home, is if you help us. I'm not going to sugar-coat this anymore." The pink one's ears perked up. "Sugar!? Were?" The orange one sighed. "Pinkie, it's a figure of expression. The orange one had a southern accent. I looked at them. "I can only get home if I help you guys, huh? Is that a threat, because if it is, I'm not helping you. The blue one looked at me, mad. "Hey, look, tough guy, Princess Luna is the only alicorn left, and the rest are gone. Even Twilight. Without all four of the alicorn princesses, and sadly, Discord, we can't send you home. We kinda need to beat the enemies to get them back." The yellow one looked infuriated. "Rainbow Dash! You should know better than to talk about Discord like that! He didn't do anything wrong!" I was confused. "If you need all four alicorns, and the what's-his-face-dude to send me home, how did you get me here?" I asked, really not buying their story. "That was before the war. Somehow, Discord prophesied that the war would happen, and conjured a book, that explained a spell that would summon a human in an indefinite place, in around a month, which was a week into the war. It was coincidently today. We were sitting at the elements of harmony table thingy when you came!" Pinkie explained. I sighed in defeat. "Fine... I'll help. First, I need to know what we're fighting, why, and your guy's names." There was a knock on the door. "Come in!" Rarity called.
Well, I didn't think this could get any worse. But hey, that's what happens in every movie and book, right before it gets jinxed. But yeah. It got weirder. An even bigger, what they probably were calling an 'alicorn' came in. She had a literal flowing mane, that was patterned like the stars. That must be Princes Luna. Because monarchy, I bowed, as did the others. "Princess Luna," Rarity said, acknowledging the princesses prescience. "You do not have to bow. In fact, I prefer if you don't," She seemed to have just noticed me. "Ah, I see our human has arrived. Welcome to Equestria. We have much to converse. Follow me." She lead me through a garden, explaining all of my questions, as well as the important parts of their history. "And now we go to why we're having this war. King Sombra has re-awoken. And he is trying to take over all of Equestria. We're still trying to figure out how he was resurrected, but are resources are limited. We can't place a spy, because all the enemies are shadow ponies, a race that is immune to regular attacks, so we found a kind of weapon that can take them down- Light Sabers, and Light Rifles. But they can corrupt ponies, and use them against us. That's why we must all be on alert at all times. And that is also why we need your help. Our leading humanologist, Lyra Heartstrings, learned that humans can resist the shadow ponies control over themselves. We have walls, with ponies in the towers, protecting one of the last cities with survivors, Canterlot, where we currently are. We're planning a siege on one of our towns, Ponyville, later today. We should get you fitted up, with our latest tech."
I was surprised, when she tapped the side of her head, and said "Rarity, I'm bringing him over to you." They had intercoms. How the- Their ponies for crying out loud! Either way, I was escorted by two ponies- er, more like guided to. I could plainly see that they hadn't had the time to be trained, and just happily chatted, while holding Light Rifles.
When I got to the boutique, Rarity was waiting. The mannequins, er- more like horsequins with assorted clothes on them hid the place well, and made the reason why it was an armory obvious. "Ah, there you are, darling." I had learned earlier today, Rarity has a thing for calling literally everyone 'darling', and it really started to get on my nerve. "We have a full Aurtainum Armor suit, along with an assortment of guns, and swords. I'll just grab a few targets, and you can try out the weapons." And with that, she left me with a few dozen weapons that could start a multiversal war over them.
After about 45 minutes, Rarity came back to find me lying on the floor, all of the middle of the targets fried. "Ah, wonderful! You found your weapons of choice, no?" I nodded, revealing my weapons: a pistol with an advanced silencer called Silent Wolf, and can detect heat, an assault rifle with sonic bullets, able to pierce nearly every metal, and lighter than well, a lighter, called The Call of Death, a knife that's dual sided, and can be extended into a dual or singular sword, or scythes, called The Changeling's Pride. Finally, I grabbed a pair of gloves, called The Fists of Zeus. Man, who comes up with these names? These are weird names. I fitted into the suit. "How did you know what size I was?" I asked. Rarity smiled. "Well darling, you see.... I kinda have a few hundred, one for each different size.
"Are you ready for war?" Princess Luna asked as we walked out the boutique. "Like heck I am!"