Gay Guy... Gay Horse...by DavidTheWitchChaptersI HATE YOUR BUTT!I kinda am okay with your butt? I like your butt I guess....I HATE YOUR BUTT!Ashcloud looked at his mom who kept tightening his tie... His red maned, pink furred earth pony mom with a cutie mark of a pacifier and a blanket was apparently distracted due to she was halfway chocking him.... The grey furred brown manned pegasus with a cutie mark of a cell phone told her, "It is fine half of the ponies and people there are from my law school!" His mom told him, "But the other half are humans we don't know about..." He told her, "I am an strong and self-reliant adult... Mom!" His mom then told him, "I heard there have been anti-Gay attacks in a nearby sector. Don't tell anyone you are gay...." He yelled, "Mom up and till recently the East European Sectors and the German sector were different countries. No one is going to come down from the EE Sectors and bother gays." She went on, "The North American Sector recently elected that Trump person as Governor!" He snapped, "And even the Mexican Sub-sector knows he can't do half the things he promised and segregation is out of the question as the World Government Regulatory Body just outlawed it. Segregation has been getting a bad rap even among anti-Pony elements after China tried to redefine the definition of human to control black immigrants." He continued, "We are in the German-Austrian-Polish Sector... Even the Polish sub-sector believes in equality... Your talking about things that will most likely not even happen." He grabbed his tie did his buttons and flew out the window not forgetting his wallet.... *********************************************************************************************************************** He flew to the Paulaner... There he ordered a small Egg and Tomato sandwich with fries and sat with two human friends who were already there. They were a woman in hijab and an older Skinhead of the Anarchist variety who was actually Jewish and had a huge Militant Reform Judaism Tattoo to prove it. He sat down... John Israel yelled, "Why are you late?" Ashcloud told him, "Mom of course!" Kathy the Muslim Woman asked,"Is she still afraid we would eat you...?" Ashcloud looked at her in his suit, "Just like she no longer walks around naked she no longer does that... It is now that she is afraid of hate crimes." John told them, "That woman is perhaps the most paranoid person I have ever met... Oh she is the first woman I saw naked...." Kathy stated, "I actually had no problem with that... I had a problem when she started going on about how naked meant free... I already had people telling me I covered up too much. But then I got to have someone telling me at 12 how being butt naked was true freedom." John said, "I actually don't mind the idea of Ponies being allowed to be naked as long as they don't have short tails. Ew..." Ashcloud told him, "Then tell my mom cuz she loves to walk around the house naked." John said, "Oi Vay!" Ashcloud yelled, "Oi Oi Oi Oi!" Kathy screamed even louder, "Oi Oi Oi!" A voice came from over at the outdoor counter, "FUCK THIS SHIT I WANT HORSE MEAT!" John looked up at the noise... John said under his breath, "Bone Head..." Ashcloud said, "Oh there's is Nazi out here isn't there!" Kathy yelled, "Oh dear Allah I remember when they were after Muslims too?" Ashcloud yelled at the Neo-Nazi, "NO ONE IS OFFENDED EXCEPT THE INTELLIGENT!!! YOU GUYS EAT OTHER APES RIGHT!" The Nazi screamed, "SHUT THE HELL UP HORSE!" John said, "You guys no longer after us Jews... I no care!" The Nazi Skinhead looked him, "Hey shithead...." John said back, "Hey bonehead... Did you evolve to that form recently?" The Nazi screamed, "Aw everyone look a fucking Jew trying to stand out! You can't touch me under the political protection act!" Several people stood up... John said, "You do realize just a few years ago no one would say that... Can't believe the American Immigrants got hate speech legalized." The Bonehead yelled, "Hitler did nothing wrong bitch!" Almost everyone stood up... "IS THIS AN AMERICAN?" "FUCK WHAT IS THIS THIS GUYS ACCENT IS AMERICAN LIKE ME! PLEASE TELL HE'S NOT!" "This better be Europool looking for sympathetics!" Kathy yelled, "People may not all like Ponies but no one likes an idiot American! No German would deny the Holocaust you fucking idiot?" More people started talking... "It was tourist back in my day..." "I can't believe some of my people are this ignorant!" "My wife is Jewish Trump kofte...." "I can't believe young immigrants these days... It is just as bad from the East Euros..." "I am East Euro and I haven't heard this from anyone but Muslims... Converts to be exact?" "We'd smash this idiot in my day..." "My father was part of the resistance to both Nazism and Communism!" "What's wrong with us Communist... We don't hate Jews!" "Dukan kofte..." “I am a member of the Nationalist Right... But Shoah denial... As a Jew? “Fucking my mother is Jewish!” “I am Polish and I only see the poor uneducated act like this American!” “American's Educational system is failure and they send the trash here!” “I am American and I know better!” John started walking towards the Bonehead adjusting his wrist... “Get out now!” The Bonehead yelled, “Freedom of speech!” John yelled, “Fucking Bone Head that doesn't work with Germans!” And then John struck the Bonehead and a bunch of people ran up to do the same... He got up and took his pills.. Brian had moved to Germany due to their were less of them... Ponies... He had studied German Law at a private academy without many of them... They were monsters to him... He remembered what happened to his mother when they started appearing... He stuttered as he thought about it... She had done nothing wrong... a Skype call came in and a Griffon appeared on his computer. “Hey Brian?” He asked, “Yes!” “You do know in order to stay in the German-Austrian-Polish Sector you need to work...” “Yes I know that is why I got a job at this firm!” “Your phobia is heavily involved there... They work in cases involving ponies...” “Yes representing against Ponies most of the time...” “And you know how they look fair doing that....” “No..?” “They hire tons of ponies!” “What...?” “Your just going to need to face your fear kid?” “What..?” “There is nothing you can do to avoid them anymore without dropping out of society. And frankly your father doesn't want that? You already moved overseas...” “I could join ISIS?” “A gay man joining ISIS?” “It is possible?” “No... No it's not!” “There has gotta be something I can do?” “No all options closed up a long time ago... You have just been living on luck?” “ISIS is still an option?” “No...” “I can join and renounce my homosexuality....” “You do realize they would kill you anyway....” “But...” “Listen I sound cold but I speaking out of necessity. I wouldn't tell any patient of mine to face his fear at this point in the therapy normally. But it is the only way with you... This is an entire people.... Not just some silly thing you can avoid...” “I need more time...” “I know but this isn't something you can avoid like Airplanes or Deep Water..... They are part of society now....” “Have you seen the Bug ones...” “They are not ponies!” “The bat ones....” “They are rare?” “They all look like they have fangs to me?” “Please stop!” “Sorry it is just... What they did to my mother!” “They didn't do that to your mother... One of them did?” “Doctor Claw....” “Yes?” “I am scared...” “I know... I always had trouble talking to them back in my world.. That is why I took cases like yours... But you were just as scared of me at first...” “Well you have claws and your name is Claw....” “Not an excuse...” “One just started a fight with a bunch of people at the Pualiner this morning...” “Woah... That is a lie... A anti-racist skinhead started the fight after the man denied the holocaust... Everyone with Jewish Connections beat him up and their were no ponies other then onlookers involved … The Media is already apologizing to the pony community and no one is charged due to the owner didn't want any people harassing Jewish or Pony Costumers... Which was what the guy was doing. The guy was trying to order horse meat and the place has never served horse meat as far as I know.” “How do you know it is a lie?” “Because I went to several reliable Government Websites which cleared it up! The video shows no ponies attacking (who got quite a beating by the way) even joining in and I don't think anyone edited it!” “But Trump...” “Trump is a media hungry celebrity who took power based off of fear of the Magical Creatures... He no more has any more credibility then Joe the Crackhead. I just had a pataint with delusions about The Israel Mossad still operating despite being officially disbanded attack a Jewish Graveyard after something he said. Don't listen to him... In fact turn off the news if it starts talking about him!” “But he is the Governor of my home sector...” “And would your dad listen to Hitler if he were the Governor of his home sector. The guy wants power!” “Sorry!” “Okay I'll sign off!” He walked in... There was a group of humans and ponies in a line facing the boss.... “According to the Police one of you started a fight with a local member of Nationalist Right and I believe it was you...” He point to a gray pony with a brown mane.... Sundenly a young bald headed man yelled, “Sir there were no Ponies even involved and he wasn't just a member of the Nationalist Right but an actual Nazi!” “And...” “And he denied the Shoa!” “I guess the fight was about common decency and not just some Pony over reacting to insults. But still we serve people no matter what their politics so thereby you should have just let it fly!” The Boss looked, “Your all dismissed... If I hear about new members of the firm acting this way again someone may get let lose.” The Gray Pony muttered, “Dumb Bonehead blamed me!” He looked at the Boss, “Was that about the fight on the News...” The Boss a gray haired balding man with Jewish Complexion looked at him, “A lot of fights happen these days. If I cared about Social Justice I would be on the Ponies side... But I am an Old Jew who just looks for money. But I am proud of the younger generation of Jews always taking a side though unlike some men my age.” “I am half-Jewish and the fact is I don't like em? That's why I working here!” “Well then you are gonna be in Hell because your desk is surrounded by them....” “What....” “Alright I don't want to hear anymore just get to work your day will end at launch and you are being paid a great deal by the hour so get to work! Just because your American...” He started walking the walk of death... He looked up and muttered to himself, “I can do this... I can do this....” Then suddenly we he was half-way there... He tripped over something well holding his papers... “Woah there...” said the voice of the Gray Pony. He couldn't look up... The Gray Pony said, “You got to pick up your papers.” He stayed on the floor... “You got to pick them up?” He just started crying.... “I think I broke a human!” He heard a bunch of ponies walking towards him.. One said, “Should we poke him???” Another said, “I got a ruler and I am a unicorn!” “Okay....” A ruler started poking him in the head... “Okay that's enough... Get up...” Brain started muttering, “Dumb horses go away!” “RACIST!” He continued, “Horses....” The Gray Pony said, “You know this isn't funny!” He told him, “Go away horse!” The Gray Pony told him back, “I am picking you up and taking you to your cubical!” He suddenly had the Pony's head placed under him and then was on it's back... He slowly was walked to the cubical... The Pony put him down in a chair... “I just accidentally read one of your papers are you happy!” “NO DEMON HORSE!” “Okay that is just not nice....” “Confound these ponies they drive me to drink...” “What...?” “No Jelly Belly I don't want to play with you horse!” “Who in fuck is Jelly Belly!?” “A horse with the weirdest dad with Giant Jam Jars!” “Okay... Are you having a seizure?” “You horses are enough to give a person a seizure....” “Okay I am not sure how to feel about that.” “Horse you need to get around... The meanest Gay Bars are up in Berlin!” “What are you going on?” “Horse you need dick in your life!” “Well I am perfectly okay with inter-species but this is a little weird?” “Baby just go with it...” “Okay..?” “Baby here is my address...” and he gave him a card... “Well this is direct?” “Bitch don't question it... 9 o'clock tonight....?” “Okay...” The Pony walked out... He realized what had happened after he started working... He just asked a pony out on a date... His mind reeled with the possibilities! He was sleeping when heard a knock on his condo door at 9:00... The person kept knocking... He opened the door and said, “We don't want any!” in English! “Why are you in your pajamas?” said a familiar Gray Pone! He saw the Pony and yelled, “What do you want?” The Pony told him, “The way you tried to pick me up was so straight forward and crazy especially after making bigoted remarks that I just wanted to take a hypocrite up on his offer.” He started getting nervous and he said, “Erm fine... Come in!” The Pony walked in... “Hey this is nice... How much this cost you!” He said nervously, “My Dad... My Dad... Pays for it!” The Pony plopped down on his Purple Love Seat, “Nice...” He muttered, “Erm...” The Pony said, “You better get dressed and ready to drive...” He went to think about how to get the Pony out of his house.. When he got back and was about to tell the Pony to leave the Gray Pony said, “Oh Good... Your dressed...” He looked.. He was dress in a yellow and orange retrofuturist suit and bow tie. The Gray Pony said, “Now get your car keys!” He went and got them. Before he knew he was speeding down the Autobahn. He looked at the Pony which was now letting his tongue flap evilly in the wind as he stuck his head evilly out the window. Why was this happening? Why...? If only he could get the Pony never to come back... He know how he went to the worst rated nightclub he could find on his phone... He stopped in front and then got a suprise. The Gray Pony told him, “Oh you like this place too!” He looked him, 'Why does this pony like the worst nightclub in Berlin?' The Nightclub was basically a large round building which looked pretty nice. It had the The Colt Locker. Why was that the name... something seemed off... What did it mean by Colt he was walking and a Guard said, “ID YEAH!” He handed the guard his ID not really paying attention then felt that it had a hoof... He looked... It was a white Pegasus with small undersized for it's oversized muscular body. “I LIFT!” It yelled... He said sheepishly, “I see...” He walked... Techno blared.. Ponies danced wildly... Griffons drink watching Pony Fem Boy strippers in Sock and Panties... huge beefy ponies with erm...? Facial Hair...? kissed in bondage suits... He stated in utter amazement... “OH MY GOD!” Two twin ponies with Pink Fur and Pink Poofy Hair started making the 2001 theme going, “Bum Bum bum bum!” “It is full of ponies!” He walked through the dimly lite house of horror looking at the purple stools and fake leopard skin counters and red and black couches. He sat down at the bar with the Gray Pony. The Gray Pony said, “Whose paying Brian...” He said, “Me I guess...” Nothing left to do since everything had basically gone to shit. “What's your hardest stuff?” Bartender who was a Minotaur told him, “Immation Cherry Jubilee Cherry Flavored Vodka!” He told the bartender, “Give me a tall one!” “Coming right up!” The drink came down and he gulped it in a minute... He asked the Pony, “How do you know my name...” The Pony said, “You gave me your business card remember?” He drink down another Vodka, “Your going to hell!” The Pony said, “Listen the names Ashcloud and I am not connected to any of your Gods.” He yelled after downing his third Vodka, “What is going on!” The Ashcloud told him, “Your on a date...” He stammered, “But what does all mean.” “If I could answer that question I would either be rich or living as a hermit...” “Wah... Wah... Why..?” “I think you need to get something else in you besides Alcohol... Let's go to DJ Pon3 booth...” He passed into a crowd of Ponies wildly dancing then came up to a white unicorn using her telekinesis to rock out. DJ Pon3 told Ashcloud, “Hey your dates an ape!” Ashcloud said, “Yeah first time a human came on to me.. Something didn't feel right about turning him down even though he is a a bigot after I tried to get into one's pants in collage!” DJ Pon3 said, “Well do want help him loosen up!” Some things happened and suddenly he was sucking on strange cylindrical object. As he sucked less and less mattered too him. The rest of the night was a strange blur... “Baby you can dance with just two legs...” “Put that money in the panties....” “Listen Dude before you can bang a pony you gotta know us griffons have all the tips on how!” “I am a clone from a pond and so is she!” “Dude stop that... No gay bestiality in the cab!” Fallowed by, “I think it's gay xenophilia...” And then... “We don't do that on the first date...” End of Chapter One.... Author's Note Bonehead: A term used by left wing skinheads to deride right wing skinheads Sectors: After the appearance of Ponies and other super naturals humanity quickly united almost completely under one banner. World Government Regulatory Body: A commision which enforces the United Earth Constation. Oi: Radical Anti-Racist Skinhead Cry now adapted to be pro-all-Sentient-creatures.... Note... In real life also only a small percentage of skin heads are Nazis.... Most are Anarchist or communist like John! I kinda am okay with your butt?Brian Lutstine woke and turned on the TV.... He looked as it turned on... It wasn't his? His white blond hair and unshaven but boyish face flashing in the darkness. He looked around and discovered himself in strange bedroom with a the pony named Ashcloud from last night, he was about to scream when the phone rang, he answered, "Dad could this wait..." His dad ask, "What is going?" He said, "I really don't know?" "Why were you smoking a Mary Jane with ponies?" "Mary Jane!" There was a text and picture of him smoking the world's largest Dope Bong on the Cover of the Daily Mail with the words "PONIES ERODING OUR MORALITY!" He asked, "What the hell..?" "That is what I am asking... First you're afraid of them then your having a drug filled party with them?" "Dad I need to ask someone something." The Pony had it's hoof in a sock over him. "Ashcloud..?" The Pony stirred awake, "Yes?" Brian asked, "What did we do last night Ashcloud?" Ashcloud looked, "We snuggled and kissed but no sex due to I am an old fashioned pony and only do that a few dates in." Suddenly a naked red manned, pink furred pony came in. "PANCAKES!" Ashcloud said, "Mom I am in bed with a man and I have at least underware on unlike you!" Brian whimpered... Cherry Bubble as little did Brian know she was called closed the door... Ashcloud said, "I bet you hate to eat at a pony's house?" Brian said, "I don't hate you I am just afraid of you..." Ashcloud said, "Why?" Brian told, "One of you did something to my mom..." Ashcloud told him, "Sorry but it is not my fault?" Brian told him, "I know that I didn't say I blamed you!" Ashcloud looked, "You wanna be my boyfriend?" Brian looked and told him, "Sure..." *********************************************************************************************************************** Over the next few days Ashcloud and Brian Lutstine became the office talk. They were both except for being different species a perfect gay couple... But Brian seemed incredibly avoidant of the other Ponies in the Office. Ashcloud was working when a Yellow and blue Pony asked him, "What is up with your boyfriend... He won't talk to any of us and he gets nervous when we try..." He replied, "Something happened with his mother?" *********************************************************************************************************************** "So Dr. Claw..." "Yes..." "I am dating one of them now?" "One of whom?" "A pony..." "That is a big step for someone who went catatonic when he saw them?" "I know...." "How did this happen?" "Well I kinda accidentally asked him out on a date and he said yes, so I discovered after trying hard to get him to leave me that he was nice guy?" "So can you use this to bridge yourself with other ponies..." "I think he is enough for... It is gonna look weird if we do it..." "Yeah biped/quadruped do look weird... I had another client who dated a pony and man did I have to give the weirdest sex advice? Of course that nothing compared to ponies or humans dating us Griffons. The Anatomy is much different on the genitals. At least ponies have familiar ground. Did I tell you ever my wife is a pony?" "Woah erm no..." "Must have been because I wanted you not to think I was unsympathetic. I lived in the Griffon district in my youth in Cloud's Dale. Most ponies wouldn't talk to me. But she would... When we were teenagers we fell madly in love. By the time we were adults and and had been world swapped we decided to tie the knot and found a human religious center which would perform the ritual. Now that I have received an honorary degree in Psychology for my thesis on sentient species child development." "Tell me what are ponies mostly like? I know they like to walk around naked but I basically don't know much else?" "Well they have lower Cognitive Empathy then most humans and they have Greater Emotional Empathy. They do kill things don't get me wrong and they can actually be more intolerant of other species then even the Chinese. But they show their intolerance not through violence but by legally encouraging others to be like them. Very pushy but not right out violently. When I was a kid I had restrictions on how much meat I could eat due to the ponies thought it was uncivilized to eat the flesh of animals." "So I am right to be afraid of them?" "No my wife is one of the nicest gentlest people I know of?" "Well then explain..." "Normally if a pony meets you all it's wants to do is be your friend. Not that some can't be bullies or even violent. But this pony obviously decided to be your friend and trust me he will give you a fulfilling friendship. But don't expect all ponies to just end wanting to be your friend. Ponies are just like humans. Very able to make up their minds negatively about people they don't even know.” “Okay...” They looked at each others drawings. Ashcloud commented on the drawing of Doom Guy blowing the heads off of ponies, “It is colorful...” Brian said, “I am sorry? Yours seem to be erm... Erotic a little in nature...” Ashcloud said, “They are meant to be like Aubrey Beardsley?” They were basically ponies reclining nude with their goodies showing.... Brian asked, “Do Ponies have bigotry back were they came from?” Ashcloud told, “I think yes... As my parents discribe tons of beings which could talk... Yet they only socialized with other ponies primarily.” Brian asked, “Are ponies ever going home...?” Ashcloud told, “Not my home I was born here... Maybe DJ Pon3 but she has a wife back home?” Brian was driving... His nice little Jaguar was basically puttering and he had no idea were he was. He stopped in the middle a slum district. He didn't recognize it till a pony walked up to him and asked, “Would you like to ride me baby!” He looked at the pony... It was dressed like a prostitute with a japeness school girl outfit with way too short a skirt. Another one came up and told, “OHH SEX WITH ME IS SOO AMAZING!” And then another and another.... He told them, “List-Listen I am not interested in sex... I am gay anyway....?” One of the Ponies told him, “Well your in luck. Cuz we aren't girls... we are femboys.” They all turned around and grabbed their panty and he saw it... He started screaming and crying and running away without his expensive car. Ashcloud was trying to get a nap in when the phone rang. He put on his assistance pen and answered, “Hello...” Brian yelled, “COCK AND BALLS!” Ashcould told him, “Next time...” Brian just kept yelling, “COCK AND BALLS! COCK AND BALLS!” “Give me your location...” Brian yelled, “Outside the Pony Public Housing District...” Brian watched as Ashcloud flew into view. A police officer was beside Brian. The Pony landed.... The Officer asked, “Is this your friend....” Ashcloud told him, “Yes?” The Officer ask, “Did you know he has been shouting, 'Cock and Balls' in the middle of a school zone during hours?” Ashcloud said, “Listen he is a little nutty.” The Officer said, “Keep him under control...” and walked off... Ashcloud asked Brian, “What's wrong?” “Huge cocks and balls...” “Well aren't you gay...” “Pony Cock and Balls!” “Well I would like to keep that for next date...” “No a bunch of Pony Prostitutes came and surrounded my car...” “Okay.... So you need help....?” “Yes!” In the Pony Public Housing District … “You know they are probably just confused because most of the humans who come into this district are looking for sex. Mom back when we lived here would tell me not to accept candy from humans. That was back when I was 6.” Brian asked, “How old are you anyway/” Ashcloud told him, “24...” Brian told him, “So you were born here?” Ashcloud told him, “Yes...” They came across a group of pony prostitutes.... Ashcloud walked out towards the group and told them, “Hey listen you scared my friend....” The lead pony prostitute yelled, “Get off our turf!” Ashcloud looked, “I am a not a sex....” The Pony Prostitute, “Screamed it's a human Pimp... The humans who come out here normally don't have that nice of cars!” Ashcloud walked further up... “Listen...” Suddenly Ashcloud got hoof smacked.... “BITCH!” In few minutes Brian and Ashcloud were fighting for their lives... One unicorn Prostitute tried to ram Brian but he managed to punch him/her... Punching and beating and craziness ensued for ten Minutes as Prostitutes flew left and right from Ashcloud's hooves and Brian's fist … “Okay so yesterday... Why were you beating up sex workers in the Pony Public Housing District?” The boss was looking at them accusingly. Brian proceeded to ask, “Why weren't you?” The Boss slapped his own face.... “Don't do it again...” They walked into the office.... Ashcloud laughed, “'Why weren't you?' Were did you get that....” Brian said, “Family guy!” Ashcloud screamed, “My God you are crazy!” Brian said, “Seriously if they hadn't bitch slapped you, I would have just walked away?” Ashcloud and put out his hoof.... Brian slapped it... Ashcloud yelled, “Right on!” End of Chapter Author's Note Authors Note. Assistance Pen: A device to help ponies press buttons in the shape of a plastic with a pen like attachment... I like your butt I guess....I like your butt I guess.... Chapter 3 Rainbow Dash a Rainbow maned Blue Cyan Pegasus screamed, “We have got to get the foal eaters to tell us were she is...” Twilight a Purple Alicorn told her, “We have been over this before they don't know anymore then we do....” Rarity a white purple maned unicorn told them, “I talked to the three working in my shop and none of them know anything about how they even got here. The idea they know were Pinkie is very far fetched.” Fluttershy a yellow pink maned pegasus, “They do claim their was a device involved however... If you need to know that////” Twilight said, “Yes Spike is searching for the device...” Applejack asked a Orange Blond earth pony, “How'da yah knaw one exist on our side.” Suddenly the door to the Castle swung open and a Teenage Purple Dragon stood there... Spike looked and said, “Me and Shinning found it... The Device was in the Mareyan Forest!” They looked at each other... “Oh my God did we just do that?” Asked Brian Ashcloud told him, “Yeah we did....” Brian yelled, “You are an animal!” Cherry Bubble walked in naked, “Pancakes!” Downstairs they ate... Ashcloud's Mom told him, “So how is this crazy human your having it on with doing... He was afraid of me just a month ago.” Brian said, “I got used to you?” Ashcloud told, “Apparently he gets less bigoted over time?” Brian shot, “I am not bigoted... I am just afraid of ponies...” Ashcloud told him, “Okay...” Cherry Bubble asked, “How ca n you be scared of us. You have all those advanced Flesh Shredding weapons....” Brian said, “I don't have them personally.” Suddenly a Red Yellow haired Unicorn stamped in... The Unicorn yelled, “Really Foal Eater are you unaware of your History/” Brian stated a little disturbed by the new pony, “History?” Ashcloud told him, “Dad...” Cherry Bubble said, “Clank Clank...” Clank Clank told him, “Do you realize just how much insanity your race put us through...” Ashcloud said, “No they don't!” Clank looked and told him, “Can you grow up... Bringing them down here all the time is bad enough but the fact that now your screwing one is completely unacceptable.” Ashcloud told him, “You know the whole fact that whenever your here your abusing my friends...” Clank yelled, “Silence!” At this point Brian was under the table. Cherry Bubble told him, “Enough....” Clank looked, “You remember how it was when we first came here, it didn't matter that I am a royal unicorn and a machinist from Las Pegasus... They carted us off into that Ghetto. And how all those hoomans came in looking for sex and crap.” Cherry Bubble said, “Now like anyone would give their best housing to a bunch of strangers...” Clank yelled, “They humiliated us. We know why ponies separated from this reality. Because they started hunting us. They are in fact foal eaters.” Brian came back up from under the table, “Now listen I wouldn't eat a foal... I can barely eat veal....” Ashcloud burst out laughing. They were in the office... “Man these guys just sue and sue pony businesses...” Brian replied to Ashcloud, “You know I started imagining there were real reasons fear you and you know unless there are lot more ponies like your dad....” The Firm Skin Head walked up, “Hey Ash... Why haven't you yet introduced him to me.” Brian said, “Why are you friends with the Nazi Ash...” The Firm Skin Head told him, “Not all skins are Nazis, I am anarchist myself!” Brian said, “Oh...” The Skinhead told him, “Names John... Are you American?” Brian he said, “Yes....” John explained, “That's why you don't understand Skinhead culture..... Most Americans have a cery narrow minded view of how things are supposed to work.” Brian admitted, “I admit that is totally true....” John ask, “So what is it like dating the crazy one?” Brian told, “Oh he is pretty nice...” A girl in hijab walked in, “So names Kathy and what have you been doing with Ashcloud ?” Ashcloud told her, “Making me cry because he won't look at me while we have sex or say my name...” The Hijab Girl told him, “Neither would I!” Ashcloud made a cute little laughing noise. Brian said, “So who are you?” The Girl told him, “Kathy...” Brian asked, “So basically you two are his human friends?” Kathy told him, “Ashcloud is the type of pony anyone can like...” Ashcloud looked and asked, “It is almost Lunch... Can we go get something at the Paulener....” In the Jungle of the South-North Border of the Two Koreas Pinkie Pie looked as she avoided another land-mine.... The humans behind her followed her perfectly. She could hear the hunter behind them looking for them... The hunters had gotten bold following her into the minefield. Several Mines exploded behind her. She didn't like the idea that someone had blown up. But it was a good thing that less party poopers were following her. Suddenly a crazed Patriot named Lee jumped. The Humans behind her bunched and a woman asked, “Are we captured?” Pinkie pointed and told them, “Run that way and avoid the tree which like a party fork! I will take this loser out!” As they ran Lee fired at them.. Pinkie deflected a bullet with her tail... Lee looked, “Your crazy....” Pinkie told, “Nutty as a squirrel...” Lee looked, “You can't escape....” Pinkie rushed him and before she had grabbed his gun in mouth . Lee muttered, “Crazed!” Pinkie looked, “You serve the state because you are loyal to them but are they loyal to you!?” Lee yelled staring down at the pony, “Don't you dare judge!” Pinkie told him, “You led people to their deaths!” Lee told her, “You cannot understand honor. They died for their country!” Pinkie looked up and yelled, “A country which can't give bread or cupcakes to it's people!” Lee ran away. Pinkie went to the border and crossed.... A girl ran up to Pinkie and hugged her. A woman pulled the girl away and asked, “Is there anything we could do for you..?” Pinkie said, “Do you have any Cupcakes?” The woman looked, Pinkie answered, “If you get a job at a bakery send me some sugary treats.... Otherwise you don't have to pay!” Pinkie had been smuggling out people from North Korea ever since she escaped herself. North Korea had imprisoned all the ponies which a switched into there and had studied them through harsh experiments and dissections. North Korea was now dealing with mass starvation due to being unable to integrate into the Global Governing System. The Leaders in North Korea played victim in the mess while their people died by the thousands daily. Even China had stopped going along with their pity party Lee looked at the bunker... Things were getting worse... There had been food riots led by former secret police who had turned pro-Democracy out of desperation. They had to purge more and more high ranking officials due to attempted coops. The bunker had become an armored to Temple to Kim Jong Un... As he walked past the gold platted statues with small bits of graffiti on them which had not been cleaned yet. He walked into the gold platted gates and swiped his card in the door. He then marched down a hall full of Candelabras. We he came to the end he saw something strange . The places fattest chair had been placed besides Kim's thrown and covered in pillows and on those pillows was a dark blue unicorn with red eyes and blond hair. He had a scare on his left eye and there was huge smile on his face from ear to ear. It looked like one of the Pink Pony's smiles only deranged. He asked, “What is the abomination doing beside you dear leader?” The Pony suddenly spoke up, “HE INSELTS MII!” Kim clapped his hands, “This pony is teaching us magic see...” A barrier hit Lee suddenly and knocked him over... Kim then asked, “Were is the Pink Pony?” Lee told him, “She escaped again due to under-sufficient forces. We need an army to get her because of her speed/” The Dark Blue Pony told Kim, “Pell off hist lift pinkie for not catching Pinkie!” Suddenly Lee felt something pulling on his finger and another force pulling on the the rest of his body. Lee yelled, “STOP!” Lee finger first pulled out of the socket then as he screamed the flesh began to come apart. He screamed and as the finger ripped off his hand. The pony came down to him, “Neew Lee I ill teech ui magic and put his horn to his head!” At the Paulenar the four friends sat down eating. Ashcloud told them as he ate an egg sandwich, “I love the whole idea my parents think I want to go home. The place sounds like a nightmare.” John looked and ask, “Princess of Love.... I wonder if she runs the ministry of Love?” Kathy looked, “You know if it is full of mythical creatures it could be the ultimate tourist destination. I am sure there are lot of people even with the authoritarian government who would want to live there.” Brian asked, “But all those ponies. How would you get around them.” Ashcloud told him, “I am sure you would be in Hell!” Brian looked and told him, “Yes I would... No offense!” Ashcloud asked, “You love me yet you hate all other ponies?” Brian said, “Well your just a really nice guy period!” Kathy said, “He is exceptionally nice. I have never met anyone who could hate him if they got to knw him and I am not just saying that because he is the most adorable gay horse person I have ever met.” John said, “Not every pony is easy to get along with but he is...” Ashcloud said, “Frankly I would like to introduce you to my pony friends too Brian...” He opened his briefcase and took out a drawing... “Like this by the way!?” Brian looked at it, “It looks like you kidnapped Aubrey Beardsley from his time and had him draw me!” Kathy said, “Ashcloud is a great artist!” John said, “The fact that ponies can hold pens that well with their mouths is what impresses me!” Spike looked at Twilight... Twilight looked back and told in the ruins of a advanced city, “We are going to try to activate the machine.” Rainbow Dash looked at the temple controls. Twilight told her, “Pull the right lever then press the middle button.” Rainbow Dash began following instructions... A whirring started... Twilight yelled over the racket, “Okay now...” The machine then powered down.... Rainbow yelled, “Crap!”
I HATE YOUR BUTT!Ashcloud looked at his mom who kept tightening his tie... His red maned, pink furred earth pony mom with a cutie mark of a pacifier and a blanket was apparently distracted due to she was halfway chocking him.... The grey furred brown manned pegasus with a cutie mark of a cell phone told her, "It is fine half of the ponies and people there are from my law school!" His mom told him, "But the other half are humans we don't know about..." He told her, "I am an strong and self-reliant adult... Mom!" His mom then told him, "I heard there have been anti-Gay attacks in a nearby sector. Don't tell anyone you are gay...." He yelled, "Mom up and till recently the East European Sectors and the German sector were different countries. No one is going to come down from the EE Sectors and bother gays." She went on, "The North American Sector recently elected that Trump person as Governor!" He snapped, "And even the Mexican Sub-sector knows he can't do half the things he promised and segregation is out of the question as the World Government Regulatory Body just outlawed it. Segregation has been getting a bad rap even among anti-Pony elements after China tried to redefine the definition of human to control black immigrants." He continued, "We are in the German-Austrian-Polish Sector... Even the Polish sub-sector believes in equality... Your talking about things that will most likely not even happen." He grabbed his tie did his buttons and flew out the window not forgetting his wallet.... *********************************************************************************************************************** He flew to the Paulaner... There he ordered a small Egg and Tomato sandwich with fries and sat with two human friends who were already there. They were a woman in hijab and an older Skinhead of the Anarchist variety who was actually Jewish and had a huge Militant Reform Judaism Tattoo to prove it. He sat down... John Israel yelled, "Why are you late?" Ashcloud told him, "Mom of course!" Kathy the Muslim Woman asked,"Is she still afraid we would eat you...?" Ashcloud looked at her in his suit, "Just like she no longer walks around naked she no longer does that... It is now that she is afraid of hate crimes." John told them, "That woman is perhaps the most paranoid person I have ever met... Oh she is the first woman I saw naked...." Kathy stated, "I actually had no problem with that... I had a problem when she started going on about how naked meant free... I already had people telling me I covered up too much. But then I got to have someone telling me at 12 how being butt naked was true freedom." John said, "I actually don't mind the idea of Ponies being allowed to be naked as long as they don't have short tails. Ew..." Ashcloud told him, "Then tell my mom cuz she loves to walk around the house naked." John said, "Oi Vay!" Ashcloud yelled, "Oi Oi Oi Oi!" Kathy screamed even louder, "Oi Oi Oi!" A voice came from over at the outdoor counter, "FUCK THIS SHIT I WANT HORSE MEAT!" John looked up at the noise... John said under his breath, "Bone Head..." Ashcloud said, "Oh there's is Nazi out here isn't there!" Kathy yelled, "Oh dear Allah I remember when they were after Muslims too?" Ashcloud yelled at the Neo-Nazi, "NO ONE IS OFFENDED EXCEPT THE INTELLIGENT!!! YOU GUYS EAT OTHER APES RIGHT!" The Nazi screamed, "SHUT THE HELL UP HORSE!" John said, "You guys no longer after us Jews... I no care!" The Nazi Skinhead looked him, "Hey shithead...." John said back, "Hey bonehead... Did you evolve to that form recently?" The Nazi screamed, "Aw everyone look a fucking Jew trying to stand out! You can't touch me under the political protection act!" Several people stood up... John said, "You do realize just a few years ago no one would say that... Can't believe the American Immigrants got hate speech legalized." The Bonehead yelled, "Hitler did nothing wrong bitch!" Almost everyone stood up... "IS THIS AN AMERICAN?" "FUCK WHAT IS THIS THIS GUYS ACCENT IS AMERICAN LIKE ME! PLEASE TELL HE'S NOT!" "This better be Europool looking for sympathetics!" Kathy yelled, "People may not all like Ponies but no one likes an idiot American! No German would deny the Holocaust you fucking idiot?" More people started talking... "It was tourist back in my day..." "I can't believe some of my people are this ignorant!" "My wife is Jewish Trump kofte...." "I can't believe young immigrants these days... It is just as bad from the East Euros..." "I am East Euro and I haven't heard this from anyone but Muslims... Converts to be exact?" "We'd smash this idiot in my day..." "My father was part of the resistance to both Nazism and Communism!" "What's wrong with us Communist... We don't hate Jews!" "Dukan kofte..." “I am a member of the Nationalist Right... But Shoah denial... As a Jew? “Fucking my mother is Jewish!” “I am Polish and I only see the poor uneducated act like this American!” “American's Educational system is failure and they send the trash here!” “I am American and I know better!” John started walking towards the Bonehead adjusting his wrist... “Get out now!” The Bonehead yelled, “Freedom of speech!” John yelled, “Fucking Bone Head that doesn't work with Germans!” And then John struck the Bonehead and a bunch of people ran up to do the same... He got up and took his pills.. Brian had moved to Germany due to their were less of them... Ponies... He had studied German Law at a private academy without many of them... They were monsters to him... He remembered what happened to his mother when they started appearing... He stuttered as he thought about it... She had done nothing wrong... a Skype call came in and a Griffon appeared on his computer. “Hey Brian?” He asked, “Yes!” “You do know in order to stay in the German-Austrian-Polish Sector you need to work...” “Yes I know that is why I got a job at this firm!” “Your phobia is heavily involved there... They work in cases involving ponies...” “Yes representing against Ponies most of the time...” “And you know how they look fair doing that....” “No..?” “They hire tons of ponies!” “What...?” “Your just going to need to face your fear kid?” “What..?” “There is nothing you can do to avoid them anymore without dropping out of society. And frankly your father doesn't want that? You already moved overseas...” “I could join ISIS?” “A gay man joining ISIS?” “It is possible?” “No... No it's not!” “There has gotta be something I can do?” “No all options closed up a long time ago... You have just been living on luck?” “ISIS is still an option?” “No...” “I can join and renounce my homosexuality....” “You do realize they would kill you anyway....” “But...” “Listen I sound cold but I speaking out of necessity. I wouldn't tell any patient of mine to face his fear at this point in the therapy normally. But it is the only way with you... This is an entire people.... Not just some silly thing you can avoid...” “I need more time...” “I know but this isn't something you can avoid like Airplanes or Deep Water..... They are part of society now....” “Have you seen the Bug ones...” “They are not ponies!” “The bat ones....” “They are rare?” “They all look like they have fangs to me?” “Please stop!” “Sorry it is just... What they did to my mother!” “They didn't do that to your mother... One of them did?” “Doctor Claw....” “Yes?” “I am scared...” “I know... I always had trouble talking to them back in my world.. That is why I took cases like yours... But you were just as scared of me at first...” “Well you have claws and your name is Claw....” “Not an excuse...” “One just started a fight with a bunch of people at the Pualiner this morning...” “Woah... That is a lie... A anti-racist skinhead started the fight after the man denied the holocaust... Everyone with Jewish Connections beat him up and their were no ponies other then onlookers involved … The Media is already apologizing to the pony community and no one is charged due to the owner didn't want any people harassing Jewish or Pony Costumers... Which was what the guy was doing. The guy was trying to order horse meat and the place has never served horse meat as far as I know.” “How do you know it is a lie?” “Because I went to several reliable Government Websites which cleared it up! The video shows no ponies attacking (who got quite a beating by the way) even joining in and I don't think anyone edited it!” “But Trump...” “Trump is a media hungry celebrity who took power based off of fear of the Magical Creatures... He no more has any more credibility then Joe the Crackhead. I just had a pataint with delusions about The Israel Mossad still operating despite being officially disbanded attack a Jewish Graveyard after something he said. Don't listen to him... In fact turn off the news if it starts talking about him!” “But he is the Governor of my home sector...” “And would your dad listen to Hitler if he were the Governor of his home sector. The guy wants power!” “Sorry!” “Okay I'll sign off!” He walked in... There was a group of humans and ponies in a line facing the boss.... “According to the Police one of you started a fight with a local member of Nationalist Right and I believe it was you...” He point to a gray pony with a brown mane.... Sundenly a young bald headed man yelled, “Sir there were no Ponies even involved and he wasn't just a member of the Nationalist Right but an actual Nazi!” “And...” “And he denied the Shoa!” “I guess the fight was about common decency and not just some Pony over reacting to insults. But still we serve people no matter what their politics so thereby you should have just let it fly!” The Boss looked, “Your all dismissed... If I hear about new members of the firm acting this way again someone may get let lose.” The Gray Pony muttered, “Dumb Bonehead blamed me!” He looked at the Boss, “Was that about the fight on the News...” The Boss a gray haired balding man with Jewish Complexion looked at him, “A lot of fights happen these days. If I cared about Social Justice I would be on the Ponies side... But I am an Old Jew who just looks for money. But I am proud of the younger generation of Jews always taking a side though unlike some men my age.” “I am half-Jewish and the fact is I don't like em? That's why I working here!” “Well then you are gonna be in Hell because your desk is surrounded by them....” “What....” “Alright I don't want to hear anymore just get to work your day will end at launch and you are being paid a great deal by the hour so get to work! Just because your American...” He started walking the walk of death... He looked up and muttered to himself, “I can do this... I can do this....” Then suddenly we he was half-way there... He tripped over something well holding his papers... “Woah there...” said the voice of the Gray Pony. He couldn't look up... The Gray Pony said, “You got to pick up your papers.” He stayed on the floor... “You got to pick them up?” He just started crying.... “I think I broke a human!” He heard a bunch of ponies walking towards him.. One said, “Should we poke him???” Another said, “I got a ruler and I am a unicorn!” “Okay....” A ruler started poking him in the head... “Okay that's enough... Get up...” Brain started muttering, “Dumb horses go away!” “RACIST!” He continued, “Horses....” The Gray Pony said, “You know this isn't funny!” He told him, “Go away horse!” The Gray Pony told him back, “I am picking you up and taking you to your cubical!” He suddenly had the Pony's head placed under him and then was on it's back... He slowly was walked to the cubical... The Pony put him down in a chair... “I just accidentally read one of your papers are you happy!” “NO DEMON HORSE!” “Okay that is just not nice....” “Confound these ponies they drive me to drink...” “What...?” “No Jelly Belly I don't want to play with you horse!” “Who in fuck is Jelly Belly!?” “A horse with the weirdest dad with Giant Jam Jars!” “Okay... Are you having a seizure?” “You horses are enough to give a person a seizure....” “Okay I am not sure how to feel about that.” “Horse you need to get around... The meanest Gay Bars are up in Berlin!” “What are you going on?” “Horse you need dick in your life!” “Well I am perfectly okay with inter-species but this is a little weird?” “Baby just go with it...” “Okay..?” “Baby here is my address...” and he gave him a card... “Well this is direct?” “Bitch don't question it... 9 o'clock tonight....?” “Okay...” The Pony walked out... He realized what had happened after he started working... He just asked a pony out on a date... His mind reeled with the possibilities! He was sleeping when heard a knock on his condo door at 9:00... The person kept knocking... He opened the door and said, “We don't want any!” in English! “Why are you in your pajamas?” said a familiar Gray Pone! He saw the Pony and yelled, “What do you want?” The Pony told him, “The way you tried to pick me up was so straight forward and crazy especially after making bigoted remarks that I just wanted to take a hypocrite up on his offer.” He started getting nervous and he said, “Erm fine... Come in!” The Pony walked in... “Hey this is nice... How much this cost you!” He said nervously, “My Dad... My Dad... Pays for it!” The Pony plopped down on his Purple Love Seat, “Nice...” He muttered, “Erm...” The Pony said, “You better get dressed and ready to drive...” He went to think about how to get the Pony out of his house.. When he got back and was about to tell the Pony to leave the Gray Pony said, “Oh Good... Your dressed...” He looked.. He was dress in a yellow and orange retrofuturist suit and bow tie. The Gray Pony said, “Now get your car keys!” He went and got them. Before he knew he was speeding down the Autobahn. He looked at the Pony which was now letting his tongue flap evilly in the wind as he stuck his head evilly out the window. Why was this happening? Why...? If only he could get the Pony never to come back... He know how he went to the worst rated nightclub he could find on his phone... He stopped in front and then got a suprise. The Gray Pony told him, “Oh you like this place too!” He looked him, 'Why does this pony like the worst nightclub in Berlin?' The Nightclub was basically a large round building which looked pretty nice. It had the The Colt Locker. Why was that the name... something seemed off... What did it mean by Colt he was walking and a Guard said, “ID YEAH!” He handed the guard his ID not really paying attention then felt that it had a hoof... He looked... It was a white Pegasus with small undersized for it's oversized muscular body. “I LIFT!” It yelled... He said sheepishly, “I see...” He walked... Techno blared.. Ponies danced wildly... Griffons drink watching Pony Fem Boy strippers in Sock and Panties... huge beefy ponies with erm...? Facial Hair...? kissed in bondage suits... He stated in utter amazement... “OH MY GOD!” Two twin ponies with Pink Fur and Pink Poofy Hair started making the 2001 theme going, “Bum Bum bum bum!” “It is full of ponies!” He walked through the dimly lite house of horror looking at the purple stools and fake leopard skin counters and red and black couches. He sat down at the bar with the Gray Pony. The Gray Pony said, “Whose paying Brian...” He said, “Me I guess...” Nothing left to do since everything had basically gone to shit. “What's your hardest stuff?” Bartender who was a Minotaur told him, “Immation Cherry Jubilee Cherry Flavored Vodka!” He told the bartender, “Give me a tall one!” “Coming right up!” The drink came down and he gulped it in a minute... He asked the Pony, “How do you know my name...” The Pony said, “You gave me your business card remember?” He drink down another Vodka, “Your going to hell!” The Pony said, “Listen the names Ashcloud and I am not connected to any of your Gods.” He yelled after downing his third Vodka, “What is going on!” The Ashcloud told him, “Your on a date...” He stammered, “But what does all mean.” “If I could answer that question I would either be rich or living as a hermit...” “Wah... Wah... Why..?” “I think you need to get something else in you besides Alcohol... Let's go to DJ Pon3 booth...” He passed into a crowd of Ponies wildly dancing then came up to a white unicorn using her telekinesis to rock out. DJ Pon3 told Ashcloud, “Hey your dates an ape!” Ashcloud said, “Yeah first time a human came on to me.. Something didn't feel right about turning him down even though he is a a bigot after I tried to get into one's pants in collage!” DJ Pon3 said, “Well do want help him loosen up!” Some things happened and suddenly he was sucking on strange cylindrical object. As he sucked less and less mattered too him. The rest of the night was a strange blur... “Baby you can dance with just two legs...” “Put that money in the panties....” “Listen Dude before you can bang a pony you gotta know us griffons have all the tips on how!” “I am a clone from a pond and so is she!” “Dude stop that... No gay bestiality in the cab!” Fallowed by, “I think it's gay xenophilia...” And then... “We don't do that on the first date...” End of Chapter One.... Author's Note Bonehead: A term used by left wing skinheads to deride right wing skinheads Sectors: After the appearance of Ponies and other super naturals humanity quickly united almost completely under one banner. World Government Regulatory Body: A commision which enforces the United Earth Constation. Oi: Radical Anti-Racist Skinhead Cry now adapted to be pro-all-Sentient-creatures.... Note... In real life also only a small percentage of skin heads are Nazis.... Most are Anarchist or communist like John!
I kinda am okay with your butt?Brian Lutstine woke and turned on the TV.... He looked as it turned on... It wasn't his? His white blond hair and unshaven but boyish face flashing in the darkness. He looked around and discovered himself in strange bedroom with a the pony named Ashcloud from last night, he was about to scream when the phone rang, he answered, "Dad could this wait..." His dad ask, "What is going?" He said, "I really don't know?" "Why were you smoking a Mary Jane with ponies?" "Mary Jane!" There was a text and picture of him smoking the world's largest Dope Bong on the Cover of the Daily Mail with the words "PONIES ERODING OUR MORALITY!" He asked, "What the hell..?" "That is what I am asking... First you're afraid of them then your having a drug filled party with them?" "Dad I need to ask someone something." The Pony had it's hoof in a sock over him. "Ashcloud..?" The Pony stirred awake, "Yes?" Brian asked, "What did we do last night Ashcloud?" Ashcloud looked, "We snuggled and kissed but no sex due to I am an old fashioned pony and only do that a few dates in." Suddenly a naked red manned, pink furred pony came in. "PANCAKES!" Ashcloud said, "Mom I am in bed with a man and I have at least underware on unlike you!" Brian whimpered... Cherry Bubble as little did Brian know she was called closed the door... Ashcloud said, "I bet you hate to eat at a pony's house?" Brian said, "I don't hate you I am just afraid of you..." Ashcloud said, "Why?" Brian told, "One of you did something to my mom..." Ashcloud told him, "Sorry but it is not my fault?" Brian told him, "I know that I didn't say I blamed you!" Ashcloud looked, "You wanna be my boyfriend?" Brian looked and told him, "Sure..." *********************************************************************************************************************** Over the next few days Ashcloud and Brian Lutstine became the office talk. They were both except for being different species a perfect gay couple... But Brian seemed incredibly avoidant of the other Ponies in the Office. Ashcloud was working when a Yellow and blue Pony asked him, "What is up with your boyfriend... He won't talk to any of us and he gets nervous when we try..." He replied, "Something happened with his mother?" *********************************************************************************************************************** "So Dr. Claw..." "Yes..." "I am dating one of them now?" "One of whom?" "A pony..." "That is a big step for someone who went catatonic when he saw them?" "I know...." "How did this happen?" "Well I kinda accidentally asked him out on a date and he said yes, so I discovered after trying hard to get him to leave me that he was nice guy?" "So can you use this to bridge yourself with other ponies..." "I think he is enough for... It is gonna look weird if we do it..." "Yeah biped/quadruped do look weird... I had another client who dated a pony and man did I have to give the weirdest sex advice? Of course that nothing compared to ponies or humans dating us Griffons. The Anatomy is much different on the genitals. At least ponies have familiar ground. Did I tell you ever my wife is a pony?" "Woah erm no..." "Must have been because I wanted you not to think I was unsympathetic. I lived in the Griffon district in my youth in Cloud's Dale. Most ponies wouldn't talk to me. But she would... When we were teenagers we fell madly in love. By the time we were adults and and had been world swapped we decided to tie the knot and found a human religious center which would perform the ritual. Now that I have received an honorary degree in Psychology for my thesis on sentient species child development." "Tell me what are ponies mostly like? I know they like to walk around naked but I basically don't know much else?" "Well they have lower Cognitive Empathy then most humans and they have Greater Emotional Empathy. They do kill things don't get me wrong and they can actually be more intolerant of other species then even the Chinese. But they show their intolerance not through violence but by legally encouraging others to be like them. Very pushy but not right out violently. When I was a kid I had restrictions on how much meat I could eat due to the ponies thought it was uncivilized to eat the flesh of animals." "So I am right to be afraid of them?" "No my wife is one of the nicest gentlest people I know of?" "Well then explain..." "Normally if a pony meets you all it's wants to do is be your friend. Not that some can't be bullies or even violent. But this pony obviously decided to be your friend and trust me he will give you a fulfilling friendship. But don't expect all ponies to just end wanting to be your friend. Ponies are just like humans. Very able to make up their minds negatively about people they don't even know.” “Okay...” They looked at each others drawings. Ashcloud commented on the drawing of Doom Guy blowing the heads off of ponies, “It is colorful...” Brian said, “I am sorry? Yours seem to be erm... Erotic a little in nature...” Ashcloud said, “They are meant to be like Aubrey Beardsley?” They were basically ponies reclining nude with their goodies showing.... Brian asked, “Do Ponies have bigotry back were they came from?” Ashcloud told, “I think yes... As my parents discribe tons of beings which could talk... Yet they only socialized with other ponies primarily.” Brian asked, “Are ponies ever going home...?” Ashcloud told, “Not my home I was born here... Maybe DJ Pon3 but she has a wife back home?” Brian was driving... His nice little Jaguar was basically puttering and he had no idea were he was. He stopped in the middle a slum district. He didn't recognize it till a pony walked up to him and asked, “Would you like to ride me baby!” He looked at the pony... It was dressed like a prostitute with a japeness school girl outfit with way too short a skirt. Another one came up and told, “OHH SEX WITH ME IS SOO AMAZING!” And then another and another.... He told them, “List-Listen I am not interested in sex... I am gay anyway....?” One of the Ponies told him, “Well your in luck. Cuz we aren't girls... we are femboys.” They all turned around and grabbed their panty and he saw it... He started screaming and crying and running away without his expensive car. Ashcloud was trying to get a nap in when the phone rang. He put on his assistance pen and answered, “Hello...” Brian yelled, “COCK AND BALLS!” Ashcould told him, “Next time...” Brian just kept yelling, “COCK AND BALLS! COCK AND BALLS!” “Give me your location...” Brian yelled, “Outside the Pony Public Housing District...” Brian watched as Ashcloud flew into view. A police officer was beside Brian. The Pony landed.... The Officer asked, “Is this your friend....” Ashcloud told him, “Yes?” The Officer ask, “Did you know he has been shouting, 'Cock and Balls' in the middle of a school zone during hours?” Ashcloud said, “Listen he is a little nutty.” The Officer said, “Keep him under control...” and walked off... Ashcloud asked Brian, “What's wrong?” “Huge cocks and balls...” “Well aren't you gay...” “Pony Cock and Balls!” “Well I would like to keep that for next date...” “No a bunch of Pony Prostitutes came and surrounded my car...” “Okay.... So you need help....?” “Yes!” In the Pony Public Housing District … “You know they are probably just confused because most of the humans who come into this district are looking for sex. Mom back when we lived here would tell me not to accept candy from humans. That was back when I was 6.” Brian asked, “How old are you anyway/” Ashcloud told him, “24...” Brian told him, “So you were born here?” Ashcloud told him, “Yes...” They came across a group of pony prostitutes.... Ashcloud walked out towards the group and told them, “Hey listen you scared my friend....” The lead pony prostitute yelled, “Get off our turf!” Ashcloud looked, “I am a not a sex....” The Pony Prostitute, “Screamed it's a human Pimp... The humans who come out here normally don't have that nice of cars!” Ashcloud walked further up... “Listen...” Suddenly Ashcloud got hoof smacked.... “BITCH!” In few minutes Brian and Ashcloud were fighting for their lives... One unicorn Prostitute tried to ram Brian but he managed to punch him/her... Punching and beating and craziness ensued for ten Minutes as Prostitutes flew left and right from Ashcloud's hooves and Brian's fist … “Okay so yesterday... Why were you beating up sex workers in the Pony Public Housing District?” The boss was looking at them accusingly. Brian proceeded to ask, “Why weren't you?” The Boss slapped his own face.... “Don't do it again...” They walked into the office.... Ashcloud laughed, “'Why weren't you?' Were did you get that....” Brian said, “Family guy!” Ashcloud screamed, “My God you are crazy!” Brian said, “Seriously if they hadn't bitch slapped you, I would have just walked away?” Ashcloud and put out his hoof.... Brian slapped it... Ashcloud yelled, “Right on!” End of Chapter Author's Note Authors Note. Assistance Pen: A device to help ponies press buttons in the shape of a plastic with a pen like attachment...
I like your butt I guess....I like your butt I guess.... Chapter 3 Rainbow Dash a Rainbow maned Blue Cyan Pegasus screamed, “We have got to get the foal eaters to tell us were she is...” Twilight a Purple Alicorn told her, “We have been over this before they don't know anymore then we do....” Rarity a white purple maned unicorn told them, “I talked to the three working in my shop and none of them know anything about how they even got here. The idea they know were Pinkie is very far fetched.” Fluttershy a yellow pink maned pegasus, “They do claim their was a device involved however... If you need to know that////” Twilight said, “Yes Spike is searching for the device...” Applejack asked a Orange Blond earth pony, “How'da yah knaw one exist on our side.” Suddenly the door to the Castle swung open and a Teenage Purple Dragon stood there... Spike looked and said, “Me and Shinning found it... The Device was in the Mareyan Forest!” They looked at each other... “Oh my God did we just do that?” Asked Brian Ashcloud told him, “Yeah we did....” Brian yelled, “You are an animal!” Cherry Bubble walked in naked, “Pancakes!” Downstairs they ate... Ashcloud's Mom told him, “So how is this crazy human your having it on with doing... He was afraid of me just a month ago.” Brian said, “I got used to you?” Ashcloud told, “Apparently he gets less bigoted over time?” Brian shot, “I am not bigoted... I am just afraid of ponies...” Ashcloud told him, “Okay...” Cherry Bubble asked, “How ca n you be scared of us. You have all those advanced Flesh Shredding weapons....” Brian said, “I don't have them personally.” Suddenly a Red Yellow haired Unicorn stamped in... The Unicorn yelled, “Really Foal Eater are you unaware of your History/” Brian stated a little disturbed by the new pony, “History?” Ashcloud told him, “Dad...” Cherry Bubble said, “Clank Clank...” Clank Clank told him, “Do you realize just how much insanity your race put us through...” Ashcloud said, “No they don't!” Clank looked and told him, “Can you grow up... Bringing them down here all the time is bad enough but the fact that now your screwing one is completely unacceptable.” Ashcloud told him, “You know the whole fact that whenever your here your abusing my friends...” Clank yelled, “Silence!” At this point Brian was under the table. Cherry Bubble told him, “Enough....” Clank looked, “You remember how it was when we first came here, it didn't matter that I am a royal unicorn and a machinist from Las Pegasus... They carted us off into that Ghetto. And how all those hoomans came in looking for sex and crap.” Cherry Bubble said, “Now like anyone would give their best housing to a bunch of strangers...” Clank yelled, “They humiliated us. We know why ponies separated from this reality. Because they started hunting us. They are in fact foal eaters.” Brian came back up from under the table, “Now listen I wouldn't eat a foal... I can barely eat veal....” Ashcloud burst out laughing. They were in the office... “Man these guys just sue and sue pony businesses...” Brian replied to Ashcloud, “You know I started imagining there were real reasons fear you and you know unless there are lot more ponies like your dad....” The Firm Skin Head walked up, “Hey Ash... Why haven't you yet introduced him to me.” Brian said, “Why are you friends with the Nazi Ash...” The Firm Skin Head told him, “Not all skins are Nazis, I am anarchist myself!” Brian said, “Oh...” The Skinhead told him, “Names John... Are you American?” Brian he said, “Yes....” John explained, “That's why you don't understand Skinhead culture..... Most Americans have a cery narrow minded view of how things are supposed to work.” Brian admitted, “I admit that is totally true....” John ask, “So what is it like dating the crazy one?” Brian told, “Oh he is pretty nice...” A girl in hijab walked in, “So names Kathy and what have you been doing with Ashcloud ?” Ashcloud told her, “Making me cry because he won't look at me while we have sex or say my name...” The Hijab Girl told him, “Neither would I!” Ashcloud made a cute little laughing noise. Brian said, “So who are you?” The Girl told him, “Kathy...” Brian asked, “So basically you two are his human friends?” Kathy told him, “Ashcloud is the type of pony anyone can like...” Ashcloud looked and asked, “It is almost Lunch... Can we go get something at the Paulener....” In the Jungle of the South-North Border of the Two Koreas Pinkie Pie looked as she avoided another land-mine.... The humans behind her followed her perfectly. She could hear the hunter behind them looking for them... The hunters had gotten bold following her into the minefield. Several Mines exploded behind her. She didn't like the idea that someone had blown up. But it was a good thing that less party poopers were following her. Suddenly a crazed Patriot named Lee jumped. The Humans behind her bunched and a woman asked, “Are we captured?” Pinkie pointed and told them, “Run that way and avoid the tree which like a party fork! I will take this loser out!” As they ran Lee fired at them.. Pinkie deflected a bullet with her tail... Lee looked, “Your crazy....” Pinkie told, “Nutty as a squirrel...” Lee looked, “You can't escape....” Pinkie rushed him and before she had grabbed his gun in mouth . Lee muttered, “Crazed!” Pinkie looked, “You serve the state because you are loyal to them but are they loyal to you!?” Lee yelled staring down at the pony, “Don't you dare judge!” Pinkie told him, “You led people to their deaths!” Lee told her, “You cannot understand honor. They died for their country!” Pinkie looked up and yelled, “A country which can't give bread or cupcakes to it's people!” Lee ran away. Pinkie went to the border and crossed.... A girl ran up to Pinkie and hugged her. A woman pulled the girl away and asked, “Is there anything we could do for you..?” Pinkie said, “Do you have any Cupcakes?” The woman looked, Pinkie answered, “If you get a job at a bakery send me some sugary treats.... Otherwise you don't have to pay!” Pinkie had been smuggling out people from North Korea ever since she escaped herself. North Korea had imprisoned all the ponies which a switched into there and had studied them through harsh experiments and dissections. North Korea was now dealing with mass starvation due to being unable to integrate into the Global Governing System. The Leaders in North Korea played victim in the mess while their people died by the thousands daily. Even China had stopped going along with their pity party Lee looked at the bunker... Things were getting worse... There had been food riots led by former secret police who had turned pro-Democracy out of desperation. They had to purge more and more high ranking officials due to attempted coops. The bunker had become an armored to Temple to Kim Jong Un... As he walked past the gold platted statues with small bits of graffiti on them which had not been cleaned yet. He walked into the gold platted gates and swiped his card in the door. He then marched down a hall full of Candelabras. We he came to the end he saw something strange . The places fattest chair had been placed besides Kim's thrown and covered in pillows and on those pillows was a dark blue unicorn with red eyes and blond hair. He had a scare on his left eye and there was huge smile on his face from ear to ear. It looked like one of the Pink Pony's smiles only deranged. He asked, “What is the abomination doing beside you dear leader?” The Pony suddenly spoke up, “HE INSELTS MII!” Kim clapped his hands, “This pony is teaching us magic see...” A barrier hit Lee suddenly and knocked him over... Kim then asked, “Were is the Pink Pony?” Lee told him, “She escaped again due to under-sufficient forces. We need an army to get her because of her speed/” The Dark Blue Pony told Kim, “Pell off hist lift pinkie for not catching Pinkie!” Suddenly Lee felt something pulling on his finger and another force pulling on the the rest of his body. Lee yelled, “STOP!” Lee finger first pulled out of the socket then as he screamed the flesh began to come apart. He screamed and as the finger ripped off his hand. The pony came down to him, “Neew Lee I ill teech ui magic and put his horn to his head!” At the Paulenar the four friends sat down eating. Ashcloud told them as he ate an egg sandwich, “I love the whole idea my parents think I want to go home. The place sounds like a nightmare.” John looked and ask, “Princess of Love.... I wonder if she runs the ministry of Love?” Kathy looked, “You know if it is full of mythical creatures it could be the ultimate tourist destination. I am sure there are lot of people even with the authoritarian government who would want to live there.” Brian asked, “But all those ponies. How would you get around them.” Ashcloud told him, “I am sure you would be in Hell!” Brian looked and told him, “Yes I would... No offense!” Ashcloud asked, “You love me yet you hate all other ponies?” Brian said, “Well your just a really nice guy period!” Kathy said, “He is exceptionally nice. I have never met anyone who could hate him if they got to knw him and I am not just saying that because he is the most adorable gay horse person I have ever met.” John said, “Not every pony is easy to get along with but he is...” Ashcloud said, “Frankly I would like to introduce you to my pony friends too Brian...” He opened his briefcase and took out a drawing... “Like this by the way!?” Brian looked at it, “It looks like you kidnapped Aubrey Beardsley from his time and had him draw me!” Kathy said, “Ashcloud is a great artist!” John said, “The fact that ponies can hold pens that well with their mouths is what impresses me!” Spike looked at Twilight... Twilight looked back and told in the ruins of a advanced city, “We are going to try to activate the machine.” Rainbow Dash looked at the temple controls. Twilight told her, “Pull the right lever then press the middle button.” Rainbow Dash began following instructions... A whirring started... Twilight yelled over the racket, “Okay now...” The machine then powered down.... Rainbow yelled, “Crap!”
