Where Do Babies Come From?

by chillbook1

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sweetie Belle, Comedy, Rarity
Length: 2491

Sweetie Belle wants to learn where babies come from. The question is much harder to answer than it should be.

Sweetie Belle is getting to be that age. She's thinking thoughts she never thought before. One such thought is about babies; Where exactly do they come from?

And why is it so difficult to find the answer to that question?

Published 2017-03-10 04:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-10 04:30:02 UTC

When A Mommy And A Daddy Love Each Other Very Much...

“Rarity, where do babies come from?”

Rarity choked on her earl grey, making a very undignified snorting sound. She stared at her little sister as if she had sprouted a second head. Sweetie didn't notice at first, and simply kept munching on her cereal. It wasn't until she got down to her milk did she realize that Rarity was still staring. Rarity blinked, then shook her head to free herself from her daze.

Say something!

“Er… May I ask why you want to know?” asked Rarity, setting what remained of her tea on the table. Sweetie Belle grabbed her bowl with her magic, brought it to her lips and slurped down her milk.

“I dunno. Just curious, I guess,” said Sweetie with a shrug. “I heard Diamond Tiara talking to Silver Spoon about it, and they couldn't figure it out, either. I thought you might be able to explain it to me.”

“O-of course!” Rarity screamed internally to find a way out if this. “Um… I think you should ask Mom and Dad.”

“Well, I tried, but Mom is out on business for a few weeks, and Dad fainted when I asked.” Sweetie Belle didn't really think much of it. Her dad was kind off a goofball. “Do you not know the answer or something?"

“No, I do, it’s just… Oh, dear. I didn't think you'd be asking those sort of questions yet,” sighed Rarity. “Come here, Sweetie. We need to talk.”

About six different warning signals went off in Sweetie’s head. There were a few different “we need to talks” Sweetie had come to expect from her sister, from the angry tone she adopted whenever Sweetie messed up her house (Sweetie! We need to talk!) to the hysterical sing-song tone when Sweetie ruins a dress (Sweetie! We need to ta~lk!) This one, however, was brand new, and that scared her.

“Um…. Am I in trouble?” asked Sweetie, carefully trotting over to her sister. Rarity wrapped her hoof around Sweetie, hugging her tightly.

“Of course not. It's just very important that we have this talk properly,” said Rarity. “You're getting to about that age. I want you to understand this entire thing and feel comfortable to ask me anything.”

“Um… Okay?”

“Sweetie, you're getting to an age where your body starts to change. You're going to feel things and think things that you never felt or thought before,” explained Rarity, trying to be as tactful as possible. “Especially about boys. You're going to look at colts differently.”

“What, like a coltfriend?” asked Sweetie.

“Well… sort of. What I mean is that you're going to start liking boys.”

“But Rarity, I already like boys. Button and Pip are my friends. I like everypony.”

Sweetie Belle’s adorable naivete wasn't making this any easier for Rarity. Rarity struggled to think of a way to explain. She tried to think back to when her parents had the dreaded “Talk” with her.

She realized that they never did.

“Okay, Sweetie, er…” Rarity tried to swallow the awkwardness of the situation. “when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they… Well, they sort of cuddle and kiss, and then….”

Rarity couldn't continue, but not for the reasons most evident. It was no longer a question of embarrassment. Rarity literally didn't know what to say.

“Um… the stallion… he puts… no, wait,” Rarity strained her brain in thought. She genuinely had no clue. She thought there must have been something to do with…

Rarity flipped her tail up and looked to her rear, searching for… Well, whatever it was, it wasn't there.

“Rarity? You do know where babies come from, right?” Sweetie tilted her head slightly. “Right?”

“Of course I know! It’s just…” Rarity tapped her hoof impatiently. “Alright, maybe I don’t know! I never had much reason to think about it.”

“How can you not know? You’re supposed to be a grown-up, Rarity!” Sweetie Belle couldn’t believe this. How was this possible? “Grown-ups have all the answers!”

“Nopony has all the answers,” said Rarity. “Wait just a moment… Ide~a! I actually do know somepony with all the answers! Let's go ask her!”

“But, Rarity, I have to go to school,” said Sweetie. She looked at the clock on the wall. She was already running late.

“Nonsense! This is far more important!”

Sweetie Belle was about to argue that education was important and that Rarity wasn't being a very good role model. If she didn’t go to school, then she wouldn’t learn what she needed in order to go to a good college. If she didn’t go to a good college, she couldn’t get a good job. If she couldn’t get a good job, then she’d end up homeless and alone. That just wouldn’t do. Sweetie knew that she would have to do better than that. She just had to go to school and learn as much as she could, no matter how boring it was.

Then, she remembered that she had a math test today.

“Okay, Rarity. Whatever you say.”

“Erm… Rarity?” Twilight shifted in her seat uncomfortably. “I don’t really understand why you’re asking me to explain this. I don’t even feel comfortable enough to have this discussion with Spike. I think you should really be the one to explain this to Sweetie Belle.”

Rarity and Sweetie Belle stood before the Princess of Friendship, who couldn’t be any less comfortable. She kept looking over her shoulder, praying to the goddess above that Spike wouldn’t overhear and get curious.

“Well, I thought that an intellectual mare like yourself may be able to explain the intricacies of the process in ways I could not,” said Rarity. “Furthermore, I would like for you to—”

“She doesn’t know either,” said Sweetie Belle flatly.

“Nonsense, Sweetie Belle. Of course she knows,” said Twilight. Rarity blushed faintly pink and looked away. “Wait… Rarity? Do you not know where babies come from?”

“Twilight, please,” said Rarity. “Let’s not make this about me. What’s important is that Sweetie Belle gets the education she deserves.”

“No, I think what’s important is how your parents never had The Talk with you,” said Twilight. Rarity frowned slightly.

“Sweetie, cover your ears.” Sweetie Belle looked confused for a moment, but she did as she was told. “Twilight, darling, you have to understand. My parents are… Well, to put it lightly, my parents are rather…”

“Mom and Dad are kinda dumb,” said Sweetie, her hooves still covering her ears. “Why do you think I live with Rarity?”

“I wouldn’t have phrased it like that, but…” Rarity sighed. “It’s frankly a miracle I survived my adolescence.” She turned to face Sweetie. “You can uncover your ears now, darling.”

“So… You want me to explain to you both where babies come from?” asked Twilight. The sisters before her nodded. “Er… I really don’t know if I’m the pony for the job.”

“Please, Twilight. You’re the smartest mare I know,” said Rarity. “What’s more, I am absolutely certain you can explain it in a way that eliminates as much of the awkwardness as possible.”

“I’m just really curious,” said Sweetie with a shrug. “I still don’t see the big deal. It has to do with a boy and a girl, right?”

“Um… Fine, I suppose I could explain it,” sighed Twilight. “So, when a mommy and a daddy love each other, they come together and… They… Well, normally, they go on three to five dates first. Then… They get together and they kiss and cuddle. Then, the stallion… He… Er…”

“Twilight, it’s okay,” said Sweetie. “You can just come out and say it. No matter how weird or gross it is, I think I can take it.”

“I’m sure you can, Sweetie. It’s just…” Twilight scratched her head nervously, occasionally glancing at her rear in search of… something.

“Oh my Celestia, are you serious?” said Sweetie, growing more and more irate. This just had to be a joke. “You don’t know either?!”

“I’m… I’m thinking!”

“This is getting ridiculous! How do neither of you know where babies come from?!”

“Hey, you don’t know either!”

“I’m seven!”

“Girls, girls! There’s no point in arguing,” said Rarity. “While I agree that you really should know where babies come from, I know that not everypony can possibly know everything. So… I suggest we come together and try to find a solution.”

“Right. So, we need to find somepony who can keep a secret,” said Twilight. “Somepony who we can trust implicitly. Someone who knows even more than I do. That’s going to narrow the options a considerable amount… Oh dear.”

“Have you thought of someone?” asked Rarity. Twilight nodded grimly, rising to her hooves.

“I’ll send the letter right now,” said Twilight solemnly.

“I do not believe I understand what it is you’re asking us,” said Princess Celestia. When she heard that Twilight had a question for her and Luna, the Sun Princess pulled her sister away from her work and corralled her into the throne room. Twilight, Rarity, and Sweetie Belle arrived soon after, and, when Celestia asked Twilight what her question was, she was met with vague, roundabout statements and nonsensical gibberish.

“Princess, I don’t think you understand how truly difficult this is of me to ask,” said Twilight, shamefully staring down at her hooves. “But… How did we get here?”

“Er… I presume you took the train,” said Celestia.

“No, not like that. I mean… How did we get here. All of us.”

“Hm? Do you speak of us as a species?” asked Luna. “Because that is a question that may better be left unanswered.”

“No, not that either.” Twilight giggled in a crazed, hysteric sort of way. “I mean… What steps, specifically, resulted in the lives of every pony in Equestria?”

“Forty-two,” said Celestia. Twilight tilted her head in confusion. “You are asking for the meaning of life, no?”

“Princess Celestia, where do babies come from?” asked Sweetie Belle, tired of this entire ordeal. She wished she would’ve just taken that stupid math test.

“Oh? And why could your sister not tell you?” asked Luna.

“Because our parents really shouldn’t be allowed to take care of children.”

“So you do not know how to answer your sister’s question?” asked Celestia. Rarity blushed, looking just about everywhere but directly at Celestia.

“It… It never came up…” muttered Rarity. “I never needed to know…”

“And Twilight not knowing does not surprise me,” continued Celestia. “She never paid much attention to love magic or anything of that sort, and this does fall under Cadance’s domain.”

“What does Cadance have to do with anything?” asked Twilight. “Princess, I don’t think you understand. I feel like I’ve read about the process during my biology studies, and I’m about 92% certain that we, as a species, are missing something necessary to—”

“And that, my dear, is your problem,” said Celestia. “This is not a scientific answer. This is firmly rooted in amoramancy, love magic.”

“You said it has to do with Princess Cadance?” asked Rarity. Celestia nodded.

“When a mare and a stallion love each other, and wish to bear a child, they perform a ritual in their bedroom in the dead of night,” said Celestia.

“What kind of ritual?” asked Sweetie.

“They gather together, projecting their love for one another outwards. Princess Cadance then picks up on that love, and, if she judges it pure and worthy, she delivers unto them a filly or colt to call their own.”

This was a stunning revelation for just about everypony in the room. Nopony really knew how to take that. It made sense, in a way, for children to be a gift from the Goddess of Love. And of course Cadance would want to ensure that the parents in question truly loved one another. However, though Celestia’s explanation answered one question, it raised several more.

“Then how come ponies know they’re going to have a baby before it shows up?” asked Twilight.

“And if Cadance judges their love first, why do some parents split up after having their children?” asked Rarity.

“How the heck does the baby get into the mom’s belly?” asked Sweetie Belle. Celestia raised her hooves, calling for silence.

“I know not all of the inner workings of the process. For that, you must visit my niece,” said Celestia. “I hope my answer was sufficient for you all. If you wish to learn more, I suggest a trip to the Crystal Empire.”

“Thank you, princess,” said Twilight, several questions still bouncing around in her head. “I appreciate you taking the time to answer this for us. Come on, girls. Let’s see if Cadance can clear things up for us.”

With a wave and a bow from each to the princesses, Twilight, Rarity, and Sweetie Belle departed from the throne room. Celestia watched them go, forcibly smiling as they trotted out. When she was certain that they were gone, she used her magic to summon a roll of parchment and a quill. She hastily began scribbling a letter, much to Luna’s curiosity.

“Who is that for?” asked Luna.

“Cadance,” said Celestia simply.

“That story you told the girls isn’t true, is it?”

“Not in the slightest.”

“And I presume you also have no idea where babies come from?”

Princess Celestia, the eldest, wisest, most powerful being in all of Equestria, looked at her sister, raising her hoof in protest. For near a full minute, the entire throne room was entirely silent.

“No clue,” said Celestia finally. Luna let out a sigh of exasperation, shaking her head at the events that had transpired.

“I really hope Cadance knows,” sighed Luna.

Princess Cadance sat in the nursery, gently rocking her filly as Shining fixed the crib that Flurry had broken for the thousandth-or-so time. It was a rare moment of peaceful serenity, where the only thing to hear was the soft thudding of a hammer and Flurry’s content babbling.

A small burst of energy erupted from Cadance’s horn, condensing into a roll of parchment marked with the seal of Canterlot. She caught the letter out of the sky with her magic, turning it over curiously.

“Shiny, were we expecting mail from Auntie Tia?” asked Cadance.

“Not that I know of,” said Shining. “Must be important.”

Cadance nodded her agreement, then split the letter’s seal. She skimmed over its contents once, twice, three times, a shocking realization descending onto her. She raised the mostly-napping Flurry Heart into the air, holding the baby a bit away from herself.

“Uh… Shiny?” asked Cadance.

“Yes, my love?”

“This is going to sound like a strange question…”

“Mh-hm?”

“Where the hell did this baby come from?"

Author's Note

This is a very old idea I had that I only just got around to completing. Guess this is the age of recycling for me.

Tell me what you thought, I'm very keen to know.