Author's Note

I have to say I'm rather pleased with how this fic turned out. It's helped get me out of a cruel writing funk I've been in. I'm aware it might not suit everyone's tastes, but I hope you can enjoy it all the same.

Not So Fine Dining

“You know how you and I have recently been exploring certain… well, let’s say avenues for lack of a better term.”

Twilight’s eyes lifted off of the contents of the book. Her head swiveled to see her companion flipping through a popular fashion magazine whose cover-filly wore nothing but a completely mud tinted diaper that clashed against her snowy coat. The title read “Steamy New Trend: Brown is the New White”.

“Go on.”

A coy smirk escaped Rarity.

“Well,” she continued “since you so enthusiastically introduced me into your newfound hobby, I thought I’d return the favor in my own way. There is a particular restaurant that opened up here in Ponyville. It’s relatively new and underground, so I don’t think you’ve heard of it, but I’d be delighted if you joined me for dinner tonight.”

Rarity put down her magazine and eyed Twilight.

“I assure you that it is utterly unlike anything you’ve ever been to before. It’ll be right up your alley, trust me.”

The bookworm retreated from the conversation and into the comfort of the various tomes she had to sort.

“As much as I enjoy the nice places you take me to Rarity, I don’t think it will whet the cravings I was thinking of. Plus, knowing your fancy tastes, I’m not sure we’d make it. That place is probably all booked for the night. The usual dinner rush is in about an hour and I’m not quite prepared for that sort of thing.”

The tell-tale ruffling of plastic sounded from Twilight’s bottom as she shook her butt at Rarity. An aroma of urine wafted outward with every slight shift.

“Don’t worry about that at all. Like I said, it’s all hush hush at the moment. They usually don’t have more than a handful of clients when they do open their doors. And if you really knew me and my tastes, you’d know I already made reservations in advance. Plus I happen to know the owner.”

“Of course, when don’t you.”

Twilight sighed and sauntered over to the table Rarity sat at in the castle library, the lavender trimmed diaper she wore crinkling with every step.

“I’d much rather enjoy the rest of the evening with you here, but I could go for a bite if you really want to repay me. It’s not like your dining recommendations have ever left me unsatisfied, so I’m sure it’ll be a meal to remember.”

She punctuated her sentence with a firm whack as she slammed a book against Rarity’s padded tush, eliciting a sharp meep as she rose from her seat. The flustered unicorn regained her composure after the unexpected assault and replied as coolly as one could after having one’s stale mess re-splattered against their butt.

“Well then you’ll be sure to love this one especially. Meet me there at say, seven-thirty? Should give me enough time to go home, get out of this clammy thing, and slip into something more formal. I suggest you do the same, Twilight Tinkle.”

* * *

The night air nipped at Twilight’s nose as she strolled through the lonely downtown Ponyville streets. She eagerly examined every building, looking for the right address Rarity had given her earlier. When she arrived at her destination, she noticed Rarity standing outside the entrance to the building.

“Looking as lovely as ever, I see.”

Rarity turned as watched Twilight swoop in for a peck on her cheek.

“Not too bad yourself. I mean, just look at the exquisite trimming on that grey overcoat. It perfectly accentuates the deep blues of the dress you’re wearing while also working to keep you warm during the cooler months of the year. Oh and that scarf, I bet it’s absolutely soft. It’s a masterpiece ensemble!”

A snort escaped Twilight as she rolled her eyes.

“Gee, Rarity, I wonder why you like my outfit so much. Maybe it’s because, oh I don’t know, you’re the one that designed it.”

Rarity let out a mock gasp.

“Oh whatever do you mean? Just because I happen to have had a hand in making it doesn’t mean I can appreciate it any less. Come now, we best head inside. Don’t want to keep Madame Mendiant waiting.”

Twilight wanted to asked the identity of the pony in question, but one look at the sign above them that read Le Grande Mendiant banished the redundant question.

The supposed restaurant was small for something called grande. It looked more like a bakery than a fancy eatery, complete with windowsills and carousel displays of the few not so fresh treats presumably baked early this morning. Yet despite that, it cleaned up rather well. The lights were heavily dimmed, creating stark shadows against the laced linen tablecloths and other lavish decor thoughtfully arranged throughout. Candles were illuminated the tables were a few other ponies sat. As Twilight and Rarity entered, they were welcomed in by cream colored pony in a black apron sporting a sleek brown diaper.

“Good evening and welcome to Le Grande Mendiant,” She said, her voice softened by her accent, “Par ici, Follow me.”

The hostess lead them to an empty table tucked away in a private corner beneath a painting. She lit the candle, from which emanated a strong vanilla scent, and the pair sat on the cushions across from each other. She was about to put down a set of menus, but Rarity muttered something in Prench and she left as soon as she poured two glasses of iced water. Suspicion began to creep its way into Twilight’s thoughts.

“What was that about?”

“What was what?”

“The Prench. What did you say?”

“Oh pay no mind to that. I just wanted the owner to serve us directly.”

Rarity’s glass shimmered a dark shade of purple as she brought it to her lips.

Twilight wanted to prod further, but decided against it. She trusted her friend, and the rusty Prench that lingered in her mind reassured her that what Rarity had said matched her explanation.

In their pre-dinner small talk, Twilight noted that a painting hanging above them originated from the Romantic period of Prench history, while Rarity talked about how the low lighting worked well in reminding her of the atmosphere of a chiaroscuro painting. Just as Rarity was about to move onto talking about the authentic baroque furniture, a caramel colored earth pony accented with deep brown hair and sharp features approached the table.

Rarity shot to her feat and exchanged kisses a la Prench customs. As Twilight observed them, she noticed that the presumed owner’s cutie mark was a chocolate disk with what appeared to be nuts and dried fruit, and that the diaper she wore was white with streaks of a warm cocoa color. Her padding also sported a slight but noticeable droop to it.

The two swapped formalities for a few moments in their patron’s home language before Rarity began with the introductions.

“Twilight, I’d like to introduce you to Madame Mendiant. She’s a new arrival in Ponyville, but she’s been enjoy it so far. Isn’t that right?”

The caramel coated pony nodded.

“Of course! I simply love it here. Everything is so, how you say, so rustic. So very different from the hustle bustle of Prench cities.”

Twilight stood up and greeted her as she saw Rarity did.

“Glad you’re finding everything to your liking. Ponyville is a wonderful town with lots of great ponies living together in harmony. We strive to make this a home for all kinds of ponies. Anyways, thanks for having us tonight. Your establishment is excellent. You can see all the love and attention put into it.”

“Oh no, no, no, the pleasure is all mine. A princess, coming to my humble little shop. How wonderful is that! It is not every day I bake for royalty, you know. It’s such as surprise to have you, especially considering how during dinner we only serve-”
Rarity desperately swift interjection cut through the conversation.

“Pardon me, Madame, but Twilight’s not to keen on the whole ‘royalty’ business. She like to be treated like any other guest, isn’t that right dear?”

The purple unicorn, a bit taken aback, stammered out a reply.

“It’s fine, I don’t care for it either way. Whatever make you comfortable.”

Mendiant offered a polite smile.

“C’est bien. I think I am just getting a bit, how you say, carried away, yes?”

Rarity said some parting words in Prench causing Mendiant to let out an “aha” of understanding before parting with a wink. The words that her date spoke were to uncommon for her to decipher.

“Wasn’t she gonna take our order?”

“That’s already been taken care of. I ordered for us. Think of it as a surprise. You’re not, perhaps troubled by that, are you?”

“It’s fine,” Twilight said, keeping her discontent in check, “Just like to know what I’m having, at least.”

“Relax dear, you’ll find out in a moment. Or several. The meals here take a little while to prepare. Everything on the menu is a specialty item, which is why they’re only open for dinner occasionally.”

Rarity extended a comforting hand over her anxious other half.

“But I assure you, Mendiant is fairly famous in Prance for her pastries. Though I’ll warn you; what you'll be having tonight isn’t quite your standard fare. But I know you’ll adore it all the same.”

Twilight was powerless to stop a smile from cracking through her worried scowl.

“You’re right. Just nerves I guess. You know how I am about trying new things sometimes.”

“No worries darling. I figured you might react a bit negatively, but I’m determined to treat you regardless.”

While the duo waited for their entrees, they continued the small bits of small talk that usually preface a meal at restaurant. Twilight dropped nuggets of information about the latest subjects she was studying, while Rarity mainly addressed the ebb and flow of contemporary fashions. Sprinkled within their conversation were the occasional anecdotes about various escapades with their friends. And all the while, Twilight and Rarity casually relived the occasional pressure that grew from their constant sipping of water. They spoke nothing of it, as that was of no particular importance. Their diapers simply did the job, as did the ones of all the other ponies around them.

After about a half hour, Madame Mendiant returned balancing their dinner on her back. With a single fluid motion, she slid it onto their table and passed it out to the two unicorns and left with a sweet “bon apetite”. Rarity eagerly thanked her, but Twilight, on the other hoof, could not refrain from letting her jaw hit the ground after seeing what they were just served.

Before them lay two whole cakes accompanied by two frosty glasses of milk. They were not particularly large, but just from looking at it one would assume that a pony would have more than their fill if they ate it in single sitting. Chocolate buttercream frosting formed delicate waves across its surface area with tufts of the cocoa paste coating forming a border along its circumference. In the center lay a singular tuft crowned with a maraschino cherry. It looked quite appetizing, save for the fact that it was resting in the center of what was quite clearly a small diaper, only slightly bigger than one a foal would wear.

Rarity nonchalantly levitated the a fork and knife and eyed Twilight, noting her reaction.

“Oh relax, it’s not a real diaper if that’s what you’re worried about. They’re just a novelty garnish.”

Twilight remained silent, her mind searching for some logic in the situation she was in before coming to a conclusion.

“I knew it. I This is a joke right. You’re in on the whole thing with that Prench baker, right? You told her about how I’m into scat and I’ve eaten my fair share out of a diaper.”

At this point in her speech she was half standing out of her cushion.

“Ha ha, very funny. It’s over everyone, you got me, you can all go home now. Thank you guys for helping Rarity here with her hilarious prank. Really had me fooled.”

Twilight’s eyes darted across the room. Beads of sweat began to run through her fur as she noticed the few other patrons dining around them. Most, as she noticed for the first time, had various half eaten pastries nestled in diapers as well. All varying shades of brown and all half eaten. She sunk back into the illusionary privacy of her table and whispered.

“Um Rarity, you weren't joking. This place is actually real, which would mean that this cake is actually-”

“Of course, dear. If you want pranks, go ask Rainbow or Pinkie Pie. And you’re quite right. This isn’t just cake; It’s the house’s own take on the chocolat tarte, though it really isn’t an actual tart. It’s made with sixty parts batter and thirty parts horse-apples.”

A cold shiver went down Twilight’s spine. That frozen fear that gripped her, however, soon began to thaw from the rays of arousal burning in her heart.

“I said I wanted to treat you for introducing me to this delicacy, didn’t I?”

Twilight stared at Rarity who had forked off a piece of the pastry and ate it like she was the star of an advertisement for the restaurant.

“Well,” she continued, “Are you gonna eat or just gawk. If you’re not then I surely will."

Twilight shook her head as her fork swathed through large “tart” and scooped up a sizable chunk with little resistance. The pastry itself was extremely compact, leaving very few crumb trails. If any pony off the street picked at it would have guessed it was a sort of fudge cake by the consistency alone, but Twilight was far more educated than that. She knew exactly what that soft, gooey texture reminded her of.

Without another moment of hesitation, Twilight scraped the dessert of her pronged silverware. The sweet hint of cocoa and chocolate frosting greeted her, but they did not stick around for very long before the not so secret ingredient kicked in. That’s when it hit her. That horrid flavor. That putrid flavor. That rancid, foul, oh so familiar flavor. It burned her nose and clawed at her through. Her stomach lead a revolt against it by sending an upchuck army, but Twilight squelched the rebellion in one sharp swallow.

She gave a quiet gasp, the flavor permeating her every porous tastebud with the noxious taste. No matter how many times she ate the forbidden fruit that she loved so much, the flavor always stayed the same, with slight exceptions depending on the pony and what they ate, of course. But the joy of scat was not that it tasted particularly savory in any way, rather that one grew to love that special, unsavory taste.
Twilight did not wait to take another bite. She dug right in once more, this time to savor the sensations the cake brought on. There was a pasty warmth that enveloped her with every chew, almost as if the scat infused within had just been freshly plopped in her mouth. She could feel the sticky pastry coat every inch of her gums, slipping into the nooks and crannies of her teeth. The cake itself was moist, but the contents stuck to the roof of her mouth like thick globs of post digestive peanut butter. Her eyes shut as she swirled the softened sludge all around. She let the bitter mouthful rest on her tongue for a few more second before she knocked it back into a second harsh gulp.

Rarity all the while watched her friend get lost in her deviant delicacy. She adjusted her rump swimming in the faded warmth of her diaper under her dress coat before giving a faux throat clear.

“How’s that cake treating you darling? Still think I joke about fine dining?”

Twilight wanted to thank the smug pony casually chewing on another piece, but she was far too invested in her own cake to give anything more than a vigorous nod. She and Rarity’s both scrunched as they both made coincidentally simultaneous swallows.

“Rarity,” Twilight began, her breath reeking like an outhouse, “never in my most deviant fantasies would have I imagined a place like this. Thank you so much for bringing me.

She took another bite, stifling a moan as she did so.

Rarity giggled, exposing her brown tinted grin.

“Glad you’re enjoying it. I knew a refined pony such as yourself would appreciate this cuisine.”

Twilight spoke through the middle of another bite, specks of fecal flavored batter down her chin and onto the mock diaper. She wiped herself with a napkin.

“Just how did you happen to find it? I don’t imagine these kinds of places are that common, especially in a small town like Ponyville.”

“What can I say, I’m well connected. Once you showed me how exhilarating feasting on feces could be, it was a matter of talking to the right people. And it just so happened a pen pal of mine was interested in a change of scenery.”

“If I would have known I would have introduced you to scat far sooner.”

The couple exchanged a quick laugh, then worked on finishing their cakes, conversing all the while about the various textures and sensations they were experiencing. Twilight managed to finish the whole thing, going so far as to lick the crumb stained insides of the novelty diaper, but her stomach was not too pleased with her for decision. She ended up letting out a series of muffled farts before messing the padding she was wearing more than she would have liked considering that they had to walk back home. Rarity, however, finished about three quarters of the cake before it became too much for her to handle. She was not quite in the mood for vomiting all over the table and giving any of the waitresses more work, though in other, more liberating settings, she could be persuaded otherwise.

While they waited for their check, Twilight and Rarity washed down the cake with the glasses of milk that stood besides their plates. It was still fairly chilled and worked well to ease the strain put on their scat filled bellies. Twilight, still suffering from a spot of gas, let out a loud belch which would have stunk the place up even more than her diaper if not for the strong aroma wafting off of the scented candles. Rarity simply rolled her eyes in response and excused her.

Madame Mendiant appeared as they downed the last of the beverages, check in hoof. Rarity took it, insisting through Twilight’s demand to pay half of it that she was the one treating her, not the other way around. In the end, Twilight ended up putting in a couple bits extra as tip, stating that their host’s skill as a baker was worth it. The pair rose and bid farewell to Mendiant as they made their exit, assuring her fervently that they would be back for more.

* * *

“So,” Rarity started as they walked down the lamplit streets of downtown Ponyille and back to Twilight’s castle, “what did you think?”

Free from having to uphold manners, Twilight gushed.

“It was unbelievable! The she was able to blend the flavors and textures of chocolate cake but retain all the goodness of a fresh load! It boggles my mind. This is a whole new world of culinary science ripe for exploitation! My only complaint was that it didn’t have the full on intensity of real scat, but I will admit it was baked to perfection with a unique blend of flavors. Absolutely perfect!”

Airy laughter escaped Rarity’s coy smile. She was still picking out nuggets of the cake hiding away in her back molars.

“Well them, next time we come we’ll have to get you the off menu special.”

Her comment raised Twilight’s brow.

“And what does that entail, exactly.”

“You’ll see. For now let’s just say that one pony’s trash is another’s treasure.”

Rarity’s words silenced the crinkling of her friend’s soiled diaper.

“You don’t mean that they serve the… you know, the pure stuff.”

“Yup. One hundred percent, grade A pony manure. Served in genuine soiled padding with a tall glass of the freshest urine to wash it down.”

Twilight licked her lips. Above the sweetness of the coca still lingered that wonderful bitterness she pinned for. Her stomach churned at the thought, but her heart was racing like never before. She could not wait for next time.

Fin