A hop, skip, and a jump; that may not be the best way to get into the illusive Brony Analysis Community hub. However, if one converses with a certain talking green turtle, one just might get the opportunity to enter the hidden door to that very place. Where within it’s own universe, upon three ever-orbiting rock platforms, stands the Rift Cafe. Though it’s surroundings are less than the norm of what ponies would see in Ponyville, the cafe itself is a relatively normal building. It has a soft brown and orange tone, with a smooth curved rooftop. The gentle lights that shine through its windows give the feeling of a friendly lighthouse, as if it were guiding fellow bronies to enter and share their talents and knowledge within it.
Upon entering its doors, one would see a simple cafe vibe with soft jazz music filling the air. Matching the exterior design’s colors, it also sports tables, chairs, a few booths, a bar and even a quaint little wooden stage. Already there were ponies and non-ponies, reviewers and analysts -and other talented creatures- gathered for their daily snacking or lunch. They went on their daily routines, discussing their plans for their next big project -video or otherwise- they had going. There were even a few random incidents where a well-known reviewer would enter the scene, causing quite the gathering; but it would quickly disperse so others could continue discussing their love for their work. Amongst the talking within the luxurious atmosphere of the cafe, all seemed normal upon exiting to the Cafe’s all too well-known, ever-growing, magical hallway.
As if it were a line of mirrors, the hallway extended as far as the eye could see, filled with the many doors that housed the members of the brony analysis community. Each one had it’s own identity, housing the differentiating personalities of the ponies and non-ponies within the cafe. The doors themselves, displayed each brony’s unique personalities with their initials and cutie mark symbols here and there. Each door’s true purpose was to give each brony attendee their own personal space where they cater to their growing channels, inspiring and entertaining their viewers and subscribers with new ideas and theories of the MLP Universe. All seemed quiet within the magical hallway, up until a certain white door with a rainbow design opened up with a slam against the outer wall.
A pint sized little alicorn with a rainbow mane and elongated lion like tail shouted, “LUNA, CELESTIA! Cute, this, cute that… I’m not some baby pony here guys! SHEESH!” She huffed as she used her magic and slammed the door behind her, walking away with a stomp of each hoof. She immediately made a beeline down the hallway, looking up and down the doors in her huff.
Two other pegasus stallions -one orange with a phoenix cutie mark, and the other red and black with a large top hat- as well as a tall, light-orange unicorn mare, noticed the angry little alicorn -though it wasn’t that hard not to with her shouting.
“What did the commenters say this time, Lightning Bliss? Surely it’s nothing you haven’t heard before.” Golden Fox, the orange pegasus asked as she passed by.
“That’s just the problem, Goldilox,” she turned around, almost smacking both pegasi with the rainbow puffy end of her tail, “Cute, cute, cute! Baby face? Childish? Someone even thought I was only 15-years-old! I’m twice that age, for Equestria sake! I’m old! Why can’t others see that?”
“Hey come on, you aren’t that old…” Keyframe -the unicorn mare- insisted, supportingly.
“Yeah, given how you are behaving right now… I’d say you were five!” ToonKritic -the red and black pegasus- immediately chimed in, laughing as he finished.
“Laugh it up, EDGE LORD!” Bliss snorted. “They don’t call you ‘cute’ or ‘adorable’ or ‘childish’ all the time! But I know my age, and I know time is flying by! The least some of you can do is respect that, ya dang youngsters,” she added with a hint of Southern slang.
Both the stallions giggled, not seeing the full view of her frustration, nor the fact a so-called hippogriff, had been listening in intently to their conversation with a raised eyebrow.
“‘Edge Lord’ or not,” Toon retaliated, “you certainly don’t act your age. Remember the saying, ‘you’re as young as you feel?’”
“HA!” Bliss snorted, leaning her head back and stretching out her tiny torso… an ominous -but loud- crack of her spine echoed in the hallway, making GoldenFox shiver a bit. “If I’m young,” she replied as she straightened herself upright again, “then what do you call that? The ‘Sound of Music?’ I think NOT!”
“I would call that stress, and overworking yourself, again…” Keyframe shrugged, minor disgust in her tone from the physical display.
“Oh don’t you start with me too, Keyframe…” Bliss flew up to eye level with the tall orange unicorn, “You overwork as much as I do. I’m sure you don’t have back problems.”
“You’d be surprised…”
“She also has sleep problems and eating disorders and-” Golden continued, but was quickly cut off.
“HONEY! You aren’t helping!” Key snorted, shushing him.
“Pfft, point being” Bliss continued, “I’m not some cute baby pony! I’m older than most of you, and I can be mature whenever I feel it is necessary! You guys have yet to experience my age level! Things get harder and harder at my age and-”
“I’m sorry…” a deeper voice behind Lightning Bliss suddenly chimed in, “but if you are old, then what does that make me? Ancient?”
Keyframe placed her hoof on her muzzle trying her best not to giggle too loud as the hippogriff -Silver Quill- towered over the little rainbow pony. His eyebrow was raised, clearly showing an annoyed frown expression. His wings gave an occasional twitch, only aiding in his annoyance. Lightning slowly turned around, an uncertain smile on her muzzle, but she was not to be outdone.
“No, you are just slightly older than me and… you know what I’m talking about!” Bliss quickly caught herself, facing her favorite YouTube reviewer. “Come on, Silver, these youngsters don’t know what it’s like to be us!” She gestured to the three certain youngsters, “They have it easy at their age! Not us, though! We have to work harder, longer hours with less sleep. It’s even harder for me when people don’t take me seriously! All they see is the cute, baby factor. Well I’m neither cute nor a BABY!” She fluttered up to him, an angry determined frown on her face. “Do you see cute here?”
“I’m worried about answering that question…” Silver stepped back slightly intimidated.
“Well she is. More so when she’s angry!” A more sarcastic, male tone, joined into the group’s chat.
Everyone’s eyes widened in surprise, especially Lightning’s, when they turned to see two other ponies standing behind Silver - a mare and a stallion. The stallion’s ominous red coat with flaming yellow mane wouldn’t have been missed, but the black jacket gave him the true identity of Firebrand. The other, a blue mare with brown wavy hair and golden highlights and a happy smirk on her face, was KP or “ILoveKimPossibleALot”.
“So what are you guys talking about, other than Bliss having trouble accepting a compliment?” Firebrand rolled his eyes.
“Oh great,” Bliss snorted, not impressed by Firebrand’s statement, “who invited Toon’s cousin?”
KP giggled at the pun.
“Heh, even your jokes are cute,” Fire shrugged it off, ignoring KP’s snicker. “What’s this all about anyway?”
“Little Miss Bliss here thinks that she’s ‘old’ and doesn’t like being called cute all the time. The old part is a little new development though.” Silver answered, slowly working his way behind Firebrand and KP to avoid the alicorn’s eye contact.
“STOP CALLING ME CUTE AND LITTLE!” Bliss snorted and flew up to hover over Silver, her horn sparking a bit in her huff.
“Hey, hey, watch it, Missy! That horn has done enough damage last week!”
“Come on, Bliss,” KP added in, “it’s not like you got it that bad. I mean take Mr. Hothead over here,”
“KP…” Firebrand snorted.
“He’s a ticking time bomb, an over the top, ‘flame-boyant-’”
“KP…”
“Explosive, firecracker, who can’t even keep his “cool”.”
“KP-”
“Because you know, heh, I mean… When you choose a name that involves ‘fire,’ it’s kinda hard not to ‘fire’ up his attitude with a name like that. I mean seriously-”
“KP!!!!!” Firebrand roared out, clearly just as angry as Bliss now.
“Yes? Is there a problem, Fireworks?”
“You are this close to tasting the fire right now…” he shoved his snout into hers, “Miss Pop Culture References…”
“I highly doubt that, Mr. Hotty Pants. After all, what was it you said again? Oh yes,” she smirked as she quoted, “I refuse to fight women? They are… soft?”
“Heh,” Bliss crossed her forehooves as she watched the two of them bicker, “my point exactly. I don’t act like that! They are more immature than me!”
“Says the alicorn who’s making it a big deal about her age and hovering up in the air, pouting, like a little filly!” Golden flew up to her shaking his head.
“You are all being immature!” Keyframe snorted as well.
“Shhh…” Toon snickered, “don’t end this now, I’m having a ball watching this. All I need's a bowl of popcorn and soda! I’m so glad I ran into Big, Little Bliss when I did!”
Bliss’s ears went up, “Oh am I entertaining you, youngster?”
“Very!”
“Maybe I’ll dunk you outside in the cafe fountain, and see how that entertains you!”
“Well that’s not very cute…” he snickered again, “I thought you were trying to prove you are more mature than us?”
“I AM!!! AND YOU ARE A BIG MEAN-”
“Guys?” Silver interrupted, “maybe we should take this to Doc’s office? I’m sure he could help us reason things out…”
“Besides we’re making a scene…” Golden stated as he pointed to the ominous crowd of other reviewers peeking out of their doors to investigate.
“FINE!” Bliss snorted, “Doc can settle this once and for all. He’s only 5yrs older than me, and he can tell you all that I’m just as much of a rightful age as any of you. That’ll make you shut your pie holes!”
“Keep telling yourself that, short stack,” Firebrand rolled his eyes as he and the rest headed down the hall to Doc’s office. “Sheesh… Mondays, am I right?”
“Yeah, but it’s a bit hotter here than usual,” KP snickered and quickly ran up ahead of the pack, beating them to the door just as Firebrand charged up behind her.
The group burst through the door into Dr. Wolf’s office. It was a simple office - sporting a picture of the lovely Lady Wolf, a rainbow in a jar, and a picture of the mane six. It was a calming room, with yellow walls and purple and pink furniture. Overall, it was a very warm and welcoming environment ...until said environment was quickly shattered by the loud arguments from some loud visitors.
“Figures, he’s not here,” Firebrand snorted as he shoved passed KP.
“Hey, Doc is a busy guy,” Golden chimed in after him. “Maybe he’s out to lunch with Lady?”
“We can always wait for him, if the rest of you can keep your tempers in check,” Silver said as he took a seat on the long sofa. “Not gonna be easy considering we have a hot head, a pint sized chihuahua, and the Queen and King of puns themselves.”
“HOT HEAD?!” Firebrand roared.
“CHIHUAHUA??!!!” Bliss roared just as loud.
“Eh, we accepted those titles long ago,” Toon shrugged as he took a seat next to Silver.
“Hey, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” KP smiled as she sat down and stared cheekily at Firebrand, preparing for another onslaught of puns.
Keyframe and Golden sat next to each other, watching the others as they bickered. The two still managed to enjoy their company, despite all the chaos.
“Chihuahua this, bird brain!” Bliss snorted as she trotted up to Silver, “I may be smaller than an average alicorn.”
“Smaller than an average pony... “ he corrected, “let’s not hide the facts here, Cutie McSlaughter.”
“GAH! You don’t get it, do you!?” She sat down next to him with a snarl, “You don’t know what it’s like to be small and cute looking. People mistake you for a baby or something, when I’m not!”
“Ho ho! You want it to be difficult? Try being a half bird OC,” he snickered, “the comments I get proceed me as much as the explosions and universal karmas! You have it easy, skittlecorn.”
“Right, that’s it!” Bliss jumped to her feet, her horn charged up.
“Ah… Bliss?” Keyframe spoke up, nervously, “what are you doing?”
“I’m gonna turn Silver Quill into a cute baby hippogriff, then see if anyone here is going to take him seriously!”
“Um newsflash? Nopony takes me seriously, period!” Silver protested, “Why do you think viewers joke about me being killed off?”
“Heh go for it, short stack,” Firebrand encouraged, “I’d like to see what he looks like as a colt… erm… hatchling…. thing…”
“Ya, you would. I can see you singeing him, with hugs at how cute he is,” KP smirked. That was all Firebrand could stand - he leaped towards her and tackled her to the ground. Both proceeded to tussle and struggle on the ground, punching and kicking as they battled, unaware that Bliss’s magic was filling the entire room.
“Bliss come on… don’t-” Golden approached but was quickly stopped by Keyframe.
“Better duck honey…” Keyframe encouraged as she threw herself on top of him to block him from magical misfire.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” Bliss hollered as her eyes glowed bright white, her magic levitating her up into the air as everyone with the exception of Firebrand and KP, braced for impact…
FLASH!
BANG!
Silence...
Some time later…
“Ahh,” the gray wolf doctor with purple vest sighed happily, “that was a very good lunch.”
Holding his partner’s paw, Dr. Wolf and his lovely Lady Wolf -another wolf with a slight pink hue wearing a cowboy hat and a pink apron- headed down the hallway, waving to others as they passed by.
“Mhmm,” Lady nodded quietly, following him loyally at his side.
“That was a very good suggestion, my Lady. We should visit Sugarcube Corner more often for a quick dessert. I was worried I wouldn’t have room after our lunch, glad you talked me into it.”
She blushed and smiled at him, it was just like her to fall silent when they were in public as they were. Quietly she whispered in his ear as they headed towards his office.
“Ah yes,” Doc nodded to her kindly, “I would love to plan a date where we can all go there together. I’m sure Silver would love the trip. If I recall, I believe Miss Bliss has a bit of a sweet tooth herself.”
Lady wolf chuckled and whispered in his ear again.
“Oh my…” Doc managed to giggle as she finished, “that many cookies you say? My goodness how does such a small pony eat that much sweets? You say you saw her eat that many?”
Lady didn’t lean in to whisper to him this time… she stopped just a few feet from his office. She nervously pointed to his door. It was wide open, a rather nervous sight to be sure.
“Oh dear… did something happen?” Doc asked nervously, and let go of her paw, “Stay here, my Lady… let me check first.”
It was unheard of for Doc to see his office door open like this. It wasn’t often that appointments just allowed themselves in or forced their way in for that matter. It was a new scene, one he wasn’t sure was good or bad… He slowly peeked his head in, half expecting the office to be a mess of some sorts; instead… he caught a more… shocking sight.
“Um… My Lady? Could you help me for a second…”
Lady quickly ran up next to him and looked in…
There, to her shock, was a group of baby ponies -plus one grumpy little hippogrif- sitting on the couch. Two of the foals who resembled Firebrand and KP were fighting frantically. Two other foals resembling Keyframe and Goldenfox were playing a fun game of wrestling. Hers and Doc’s eyes peeked to the couch where the young hippogriff was sitting. Even though he seemed to be child sized, he was still as big as Dr. Wolf, if not bigger. Unlike the other foals next to him, a smaller Lightning Bliss tugging on the ear of her counterpart - a Toonkritic colt. However while the others bickered or played, the hippogriff remained sitting where he was found, as if waiting for Lady and Doc to return.
“Ah… Lady dear… could you?” Doc pointed to Firebrand and KP.
Lady nodded and didn’t hesitate to separate young baby Firebrand from little filly KP. Firebrand’s protest didn’t go unnoticed as she snatched him up, keeping him from pouncing the blue filly again. A small smile fell on Lady’s face as she held the cute little colt. Despite his angry bursts of goo’goos and ga’gahs...he was quite the cute one at this size.
“Ugh…” Doc sighed heavily with frustration, then approached the young Silver Quill, while carefully trying to avoid stepping on the GoldenFox and Keyframe foals. “Mr. Silver Quill… Can you please explain to me, why you have been turned back into a child… and all of our colleagues have been turned into babies?”
The younger Silver Quill’s face shriveled back a bit into a look of embarrassment; but it quickly melted to annoyance as the little alicorn bumped into him as she tugged on Toon’s ear.
“Don’t ask me…” he clucked, his voice resembling that of a young hatchling, “ask the one baby alicorn in the room… SHE thought it was a good idea to practice an age spell on all of us.”
“BWAD! BWAD KP!” Roared baby Firebrand as he struggled to get free of Lady Wolf’s grasp.
“Shhh…shh...” she tried to calm him while filly KP continued to stick her tongue out at the red colt. She slowly looked to Doc with concern, she was in no shape or preparations to raise six foals and a young hippogriff.
“It’ll be ok dear…” Doc tried to console her as he attempted to think of a plan.
“OW, OW! No pully, Blissy!” Toon whinnied as the white alicorn continued to pull on his ear.
“Goldie play!” Whinnied little Keyframe as she and Goldenfox continued to rough play together, laughing loudly in their delight.
“KP GO’WAY!” Firebrand roared again.
“You big meanie weenie!” KP snickered as she continued to stick her tongue out.
“Ugh…” Doc placed his fingers on his forehead and proceeded to massage it, trying to coax down a headache he was now developing. With the exception of them all being babies, the loud bickering certainly had not changed for either of them he noticed.
“I’m telling you this now, Doc…” Silver clucked again, “I’m not changing diapers…Though If you want to turn on the TV to keep them occupied, I'd gladly 'babysit'. Oh! Especially if it's the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!" the Hippogriff...chick...colt...whatever he was suddenly becoming rather hyper and excited and almost started vibrating. He then started rambling about his favorite episodes a mile and hour.
"Silver…" Dr. Wolf started, but he kept going and going around the room. At this point he'd started singing the TMNT theme song.
Until a book that had been floating in a rainbow colored aura suddenly fell and hit the young hippogriff on the head.
Dr. Wolf gave a glare to little Lightning Bliss, who simply pointed a hoof at Toon Critic accusingly.
"Ow…" Silver Quill muttered, then got a wide-eyed look. "Uh oh. Inner child is now outer hippogriff...Well, I suppose I should be thankful it's not my inner fanboy, I can't hit myself with a bat when I'm not in my own head..."
“Mr. Silver,” Doc spoke firmly, but caught himself. He took a deep breath, then slowly exhaled, and continued, “Silver… since you are still able to communicate… Would you please go find a skilled unicorn -Perhaps Eliyora- and see if she can’t change everypony back to their original ages, please?”
“Righto, Doc,” Silver leapt off the couch and dashed out into the hallway to get help.
Doc then turned to Lady, picking up tiny Lightning Bliss in the process so she couldn’t tug on Toon’s ears anymore.
“As soon as things are back in order,” he said, sternly lifting the baby alicorn up, “you and I are going to have a little chat, Miss Bliss…”
The small alicorn’s eyes went wide with sadness, as if she understood what he said. Not that she actually could, but she understood that she had done something wrong by the tone of his voice. Her only response was to lift her tiny hoof up and boop the wolf’s nose, letting out a giggle in the process.
“Hehe…” Lady chuckled as she stroked Firebrand’s head to calm him down. “Cute.”
“Oh yes they are cute now…” Doc smirked at Lady, he turned back to Bliss, “but then they bicker, lash out, and make irrational magical decisions to turn everypony into babies. Isn’t that right, Miss Bliss?”
“Agoogoo!” Baby Bliss clapped her hooves together and booped his nose again, feeling the encouragement from Lady Wolf’s giggling.
“I thought you didn’t like being called cute,” he smirked and tapped her little nose back, “That won’t get you out of our chat later though young filly.”
