Super Duper Party Replacement
The sleepiness seemed to shed from Pinkie's body as she leaped out of bed and onto the floor. TODAY SHE WAS GONNA VISIT HER FAMILY!! She threw open the curtains, and sunlight flooded into the room. Everything, including Pinkie's heart, shined with a warm glow. She quickly grabbed her bags and headed down the stairs, feeling every part of herself tingle with the sheer joy of a brand new day. Mr. and Mrs. Cake were making the day's inventory, and waved good-bye as Pinkie bolted out the door.
Twilight wandered groggily down the train platform, Spike close behind.
"It's too early," said the dragon with a yawn. "Seriously, couldn't Pinkie at least have taken the ten o'clock train instead of the six'?"
"It's not easy for me either, Spike." Said the alicorn with a yawn, "But we should be here to see Pinkie off. She's going to be staying at her family rock farm for a whole week!"
Their conversation was cut short, as the pink pony herself came into view. She was chatting cheerfully with Rarity and Applejack.
"I do say, darling, does the farm really grow rocks? That is most unusual..."
"Yup! We grow grey rocks, and black rocks, and white rocks. You know, you should really talk to Maud if you wanna know more about rocks."
"Yes, we had a very... enlightening conversation." Replied Rarity, remembering the incident in Manehatten with a shutter. "In any case, I hope you have a delightful time with... Maud... on the rock farm."
"Oh, hey Twilight!" exclaimed Pinkie, her smile widening, "Great to see you! Are Fluttershy and Dashie gonna come say good-bye too??"
As if on cue, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy walked in from the other side of the platform. "Hey, guys, what's up?" asked Rainbow Dash.
A train whistle blew, as a conductor yelled "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall aboard!!"
"Oh, well." Said Pinkie with her ever-present smile, "I guess I can't stay and chat. I gotta get going to the ROCK FARM!! See you in a week!"
All five ponies plus a dragon exchanged good-byes with Pinkie Pie, until the train finally began to pull away.
They stared at the train until it disappeared from view.
"Well, a week without Pinkie Pie..." said Applejack absently, "This'll be intrestin'."
"And quiet." Interjected Rainbow Dash with a grin. "I mean, she's our friend, but a week of peace and quiet is gonna be pretty awesome too."
Twilight couldn't help but nod. The sheer amount of studying she could get done without fear of Pinkie Pie leaping out from behind a bookshelf and hitting her in the face with a pie.
"Hey, what's this?" Asked Spike, grabbing something from the ground. It was a bright pink envelope. "Looks like Pinkie left us something."
Everypony took a step or two back. Pinkie Pie's letters had a tendency to be... unexpected. Spike cautiously opened the envelope, confetti springing out with a loud noise. He fished out the note, brushed the excess glitter from it, and read:
Hey, everypony! There's something I toooooooootally forgot to mention! I didn't feel right, just leaving you behind all sad and lonely. So I called in somepony to replace me while I'm gone! I mean, who would jump out from behind bookshelves and hit Twilight with pies without me around?? I was gonna ask Maud, but for some reason, she didn't think she'd be a very good element of laughter. Well, anyhoo, I hope you all have lots of fun!
-Pinkie Pie
Applejack blinked. "Now who in Sam Hill could replace Pinkie Pie??"
A barrage of accordion music answered her question.
-THREE WEEKS PREVIOUS-
"Well, Boneless, I think it's time to be movin' on. Let's see... Manehatten, Canterlot, Phillydelphia..."
Cheese Sandwich, the famous Super Duper Party Pony, unfurled his giant map of Equestria on the table of a Phillydelphia diner. That couldn't be right... the continent on the map was in the wrong shape! Had he been sent into an alternate reality where Equestria didn't form the same way? Were there evil forces at work, even now reshaping the great land of-
Oh, the map was upside-down. That made much more sense.
Suddenly, Cheese Sandwich felt Cheesy Sense vibrations going up and down his spine, causing him to shudder.
"Wow, that was a doosey! That's strange, I've never had the ear-flop-tail-swish combination before. I wonder what that means..."
"Maybe that it's time to meet an OLD FRIEND!?" came a familiar voice behind him.
He whirled around to see a pink pony in the door, grinning as wide as she possibly could. She was bouncing up and down with excitement.
"Hey, Pink-"
"CHEESE! It's SO GREAT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!"
Pinkie Pie rushed inside and gave Cheese Sandwich a huge hug.
"Pinkie.." he wheezed, "I can't breath... Pinkie... seriously..."
"Oh, right! Sorry, I was just SO EXCITED!"
Cheese grinned, and looked back down at his special Party Planning Map of Equestria.
"Wow, nice map!" exclaimed Pinkie, "Where'd you get it?"
"It came with the Filly Meal, along with a pack of crayons to color it."
"Oh, cool! Do you wanna know why I'm here? Do you?? Do you?!"
"Wait, let me guess!" exclaimed Cheese, talking quickly, "You're leaving for a week to go to your family rock farm, but you don't want to leave your friends without your laughter and happiness, so you want someone to fill in while you're gone to play pranks and jump out from behind bookshelves to throw pies in Twilight's face?"
Pinkie blinked. "Uh... yeah... How'd you know??"
"Just a hunch."
"Hey, that's my line! Anyways, so yeah, can you do it?"
"No problem, little filly." said Cheese in a deep voice, looking dramatically to the horizon, "wherever party-ponies need help, I'll be there."
"AWESOME!!"
-PRESENT-
Five ponies and a dragon whirled around to see Cheese Sandwich dancing forward in a pink tuxedo and playing the accordion. Without warning, he began to sing:
Cheese Sandwich's Song (to the tune of Yankee Doodle)
A party pony's come to town, so you won't be lone-ly,
You'll have a really awesome time with amazing pon-ey,
Party Pony's, come to town, Party Pony's dan-dy,
He's come to bake you lots of cake, and make you lots of can-dy!
He finished with an awesome accordion solo. The others were completely silent for some reason, with their mouths wide open.
"They're not applauding, Boneless..."
Silence.
"They're not blinking, Boneless..."
"I, uh, Cheese Sandwich!" exclaimed Twilight, finally managing to form words.
"Yes, Darling... Thank you for that... impromptu performance..."
"I don't reckon I've ever seen anypony throw 'emselves to the ground and do 'the worm' while playin' the accordion. It was... well... intrestin'."
"Aw, it was nothing!" exclaimed Cheese, "We're gonna have SO MUCH FUN together!!"
Twilight looked at Spike. Spike looked at Twilight. Cheese looked at Boneless.
"Right." Said Twilight, "Thanks for your help, Cheese, but I think-"
"Twilight!" exclaimed Fluttershy. Of course, Fluttershy's loud exclamation would've been a little above a whisper coming from anypony else. "The Friendship Tea!" continued Fluttershy, "We need to be there soon!"
Twilight slapped herself in the face. Of course! How could she forget?? They had invited Discord over to have tea with the whole gang. They had scheduled it a month ago, before they knew Pinkie would be gone!
"Then let's go!" announced Cheese, "I promised Pinkie I would do all the things she would normally do! And that includes coming to this tea!"
Discord and Cheese Sandwich... this was going to be a loooooooooong day.
Five ponies sat around a table, at thrones that had their cutie marks emblazoned on the back. An addition pony was sitting at a throne that didn't have the same cutie mark he did, the throne having three balloons, and the pony having a cheese accordion. But the throne seemed to somehow belong to him anyway. A dragon sat at a small mark-less throne. A draconequus sat on a giant turnip covered in cream cheese. This would be one of the more bizarre meals Twilight experienced.
"Wow," ventured Cheese, "I really like the look you have going there! Mister..."
"Discord. You know, the all-powerful, great-and-mighty spirit of chaos?"
"Oh, that Discord. You know, I didn't quite recognize you at first. I could have sworn you had a bear claw instead of a talon."
"Common mistake."
"So, you work a lot with chaos?"
"You could say that."
The turnip started to get a little rowdy, but Discord chastised it, and it settled back down.
"So, where's Pinkie-Pie?" asked the draconequus, "it's a terrible shame she had to miss out on such a wonderful tea. She hasn't been replaced permanently, has she?"
A look of passive surprise came over Discord as he glanced towards Cheese Sandwich.
"Pinkie Pie is spending time at the rock farm with her family." Said Fluttershy softly, "Cheese Sandwich is being nice and filling in for her while she's gone."
"I have an idea!" announced Cheese Sandwich, "Why don't you tell us some stories about your life, Discord?"
"Oh, little old me?" said Discord, feigning modesty, "I doubt my boring life would be of any interest... Then again, there was that incident with the man-eating ice skates... oh, what was that werewolf-hunter's name?"
Suddenly, as Discord was drumming his fingers on the table, the map lept to life. The table was suddenly covered in a giant map of Equestria, slightly more detailed then the one Cheese had gotten with the filly meal at Joe's Diner. It was entirely three-dimensional, and part of it was glowing...
"The Cutie Map!" exclaimed Twilight eagerly, "There must be an important friendship problem somewhere! I hope it doesn't call in Pinkie and ruin her vacation to..."
Twilight trailed off as she examined the map in awe. The cutie marks involved were Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, and... Cheese Sandwich. She didn't even think it was possible, but floating along with the others, was a cheesy accordion.
"Well then..." said Rarity in awe, "Even the map seems to recognize Cheese as Pinkie Pie's temporary replacement..."
"I don't care if it's Cheese Sandwich, Pinkie Pie, or Celestia!" Exclaimed Rainbow Dash, "The point is, that we get to go on an adventure!!"
The cutie marks hovered above the map, then started to swirl around, as if homing on their location. They finally slowed to a stop over... Appleoosa.
"Yeeeee-haw!" Exclaimed Applejack, "I've been meanin' to visit Cousin Braeburn anyhow. Let's hit the road!"
Cheese calmly pulled out a large pink book titled "Pinkie Pie's Complete Guide to Being Pinkie Pie!!". Pinkie had given it to him before she left. It had very specific instructions for a variety of situations.
"Let's see... table of contents... Cake Fight, Calendar Changing... Combination lock-picking, Combining hot peppers with orange juice... Cute Mares, Cutie Mark-based humor... Cutie Map! Here we go!"
Section 44.7 - In case of Cutie Map summons, you have several options:
A: Shout "YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!" then say "wait, where are we going?"
B: Say "C'mon, everyone, we're goin' to [Insert Location!]!!"
C: Bake a cake.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEAH!" exclaimed Cheese Sandwich, leaping onto the table enthusiastically. "Wait... where are we going?"
"Wow, he really is good at filling in for Pinkie Pie!" whispered Spike to Twilight.
In a flash, six ponies and a dragon were out the door.
"Well, looks like it's just me and you, Jared." muttered Discord to the cream-cheese-covered turnip. "More salt with your chocolate milk?"
