My Big Fat Cheesy Wedding

by Sketcha-Holic

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Romance, Drama, Original Character, Cheese Sandwich, Comedy, Pinkie Pie
Length: 2268

At long last, Cheese Sandwich and Pinkie Pie are to be united as husband and wife. It's too bad their families don't exactly like each other.

Pinkie Pie has had her turn consulting the Choosing Stone, and to her delight, her intended is Cheese Sandwich. Her family accepts this, regardless of whether or not they like him, and while Cheese himself has doubts about a magic rock dictating his path, he does like the idea of being Pinkie's husband.

However, when an invitation gets somehow sent to the parents that Cheese and his brother estranged themselves from, problems with wedding planning erupt when the Pies and the Sandwiches disagree on one too many things.

Cue two party ponies trying to keep the peace.

Published 2017-03-15 03:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-15 03:20:01 UTC

1. The Choosing Stone

The last of winter had been wrapped up when Pinkie Pie received the letter from her parents.

The letter informed her that since it was now spring, the Choosing Stone was going to be at peak accuracy for naming her most suitable mate, and they felt that she was now ready to consult it. It made Pinkie wonder if Marble was ready, being her twin and all, or that her shyness meant that she had a few more baby steps to take before she was ready herself. Either way, it was Pinkie's turn, and, to put it bluntly, she was "nervoucited".

She had talked to herself over this subject a lot on the train ride there. On the one hand, she had rambled, it was amazing to think that she was going to meet her special somepony, the pony that she was going to spend the rest of her life with! She was tickled pink over meeting a new friend, a friend that she could share lots of kisses and lots of tickles and cuddle with in bed every night--plus more, she realized with a blush and a giggle-snort. To think, she was going to be the first one of her friends to be married! Poor Rarity was going to be jealous. Whoever her spouse was to be, she really hoped that they would get along with her friends.

On the other hoof, her mind wandered to the one pony that she really hoped that the Stone would point to as the one: Cheese Sandwich. Her fellow party pony was her kind of fun, a really sweet and loving soul, and in a way, reminded her of her own family in being the tough, survivalist sort, but not to the point that they're meanie mean-pants. Plus, him being one of the most amazing big brothers ever--well, since she had convinced him and his brother Tomato to rekindle their brotherly bond--had her smelling a few shades of Maud in him. That was a winning stallion in her eyes, and her heart fluttered on thinking of him and the maybe-more-than-friendship going on between them.

Which had her wondering how she was going to tell him if the Choosing Stone showed her the cutie mark of somepony else.

The train rolled into the Nickerlite station, and her face was stuck to the window. She grinned on seeing her Ma and Pa and three sisters standing there, waiting for her. All five of them stared straight at her, and curt nods were given her way as an acknowledgement of her arrival.

Peeling her face off the window, she zoomed straight out as soon as the train had completely stopped, with jumping over the food cart and other ponies adding just seconds to her exit time. Her sisters were caught in a tackle hug before they even knew it.

"Sisterly sisters! Oh, how I missed you guys!" she squealed.

Limestone Pie's face turned red. "Are you trying to suffocate us?!"

Marble Pie squeaked, "Pinkie... too... tight... can't... breathe..."

Maud Pie blinked as dully as ever. "We've missed you too."

Pinkie released the three of them, and Marble gasped for breath. She turned her attention to her parents, and wrapped them in a hug as well. "Hi, Ma and Pa! You're looking as strong and proud and full of pony wisdom as ever!" She released them and backed up. "I've got several kinds of yummy pudding in my saddlebag, so we can have a big pudding picnic!"

Cloudy Quartz chuckled. "A pudding picnic sounds nice, Pinkamena."

"Indeed it does," Igneous Rock said with a nod. His face grew serious once more. "But let us not forget why we're all gathered here."

"Not all of us," Pinkie said, looking around. "Neither Limestone's or Maud's husbands are here."

"They're on trips," both mentioned sisters said.

"Awww, they don't get to see the Choosing Stone showing us who their new sibling-in-law is? That's sad."

Igneous adjusted his hat. "Tis a shame, yes. Now, come along. The Choosing Stone awaits thee, Pinkamena."

They all walked off the platform, and started off into the hills. As they all walked down the dusty path, Pinkie could feel the pounding of her heart, and the butterflies in her tummy. She bounced for some semblance of control over her nervousness--no, nervoucitement--as she wondered aloud, "Will it be a new face that I'll get to know and love and cherish? Will it be an old friend that maybe I was in love with this whole time and didn't know? Or will it be a rock? What will my friends back in Ponyville think?"

Cheese Sandwich was still in the back of her mind. Pinkie imagined either his excitement over being the one, or disappointment over not being the one.

After a strenuous climb up a rocky hill beyond the farm, they made it to the pointed, silvery-blue boulder that jutted out of the hill like a chimney. The six ponies took a breath before the father went forth, and located a small spire resting in front of them. He slowly removed it like he would the hat on his head, with the extra sound of one stone grinding against another. All was still as he did so, and each of the mares instinctively covered their eyes as a brilliant, shining gem was revealed, glowing with an otherworldly power.

Once everyone's eyes had adjusted, Igneous gingerly removed the Choosing Stone. "Pinkamena, come forth."

Pinkie stepped forward, and held her hoof up for the Stone to be placed in it. She had to keep still for this moment, though she felt like she was going to burst with anticipation. As her father cradled her hoof, she gazed at the Stone, her heart pounding and her skin tingling. She could feel its magic emanating toward her, and she could hear it whisper.

"I remember when I consulted the Choosing Stone," Igneous began. "I was quite nervous as well. Finding a spouse to spend the rest of thy life with is a big step in a pony's life, and it is not always easy. The Choosing Stone whispers to thee, Pinkamena, 'Thou shalt love and cherish the pony I will reveal to thee, through both peace and adversity. Love is not always happiness, but it is always the choices and the efforts of two to weather the storms of life together. If thou canst survive challenges with thy friends, then thou canst do the same with your spouse.'"

He placed the Stone in her hoof. "Art thou ready for the one to be revealed?"

Pinkie nodded. "I'm ready."

Igneous nodded, released his grasp on both her hoof and the Stone, and stepped back. Pinkie sat on the nearest rock, and cradled the stone with both hooves. Her family formed a circle around her, watching to see who she was to marry. She felt beads of sweat form on her brow, and she could feel the magic of the Stone tingling in her hooves. Her heart raced as she gazed intently at the Stone, which was beginning to glow.

She could see the magic swirling around in the crystal, like two little comets chasing each other's tails. The warmth of the magic rushed through her, and her stomach churned with the shaking that she suppressed. The glow was so pretty and so nerve-racking and so warm and so tingly that Pinkie didn't exactly know what she was feeling. All she had were many images of many ponies she knew slipping by in her mind, one stallion in particular appearing more than once.

Then, at last, the little comets slowed down and merged together, and molded themselves into a new shape. All six ponies watched as the glowing circle compressed into what looked like a slice of bread, before partially splitting in two, still attached by mere threads. The white light then faded to reveal brown bread slices, both halves toasted nearly like piano keys, and strands of gooey, yellow cheese still attaching them. All the group stood quiet for a few moments, taking the sight of the intended's cutie mark in.

Pinkie blinked. "Cheese Sandwich..." Her lips formed into a smile and she started to giggle. "Cheese Sandwich!" She leapt off her seat and over Marble. "Cheese Sandwich!" She bounced around the hill with her tail, laughing merrily and cheering, "Cheese Sandwich! Cheese Sandwich! It's Cheese Sandwich! My Super Duper Darty Pony friend Cheese Sandwiiiiiicccchhhh!"

Limestone snorted. "Seriously? Him?!" She turned to her father. "Are you sure it's not broken? Because I don't think that guy will encourage her to slow down and temper her madness!"

"Well, he's probably the only pony in Equestria that wouldn't think her mad," Cloudy said, scratching her head.

Marble turned to her and mentioned, "Um... remember that big party she threw with other party ponies? I remember the old clown... the blue unicorn, and the yellow... banana one... and the stubborn mare with glasses..."

Maud blinked and glanced at the still bouncing and cheering Pinkie. "The Stone worked for Ma and Pa, Limestone, and me. I'm certain Pinkie will be fine."

"Well, no matter what we think, the Choosing Stone has spoken," Igneous said. "Now, Pinkamena needs to inform Cheese Sandwich."

Pinkie came leaping over the rock, shouting as she landed in the middle of the circle, "...and then we'll have lots of little Pie-Sandwich foals that I'll cuddle and kiss on the cheeks and teach how to bake and sing and put into bed when the day is done. If I survived the Cake Twins, I can survive my own foals!"

There was a pause, and then Cloudy asked, "...Pinkamena? Where's the Choosing Stone?"

Pinkie's eyes widened, and she looked down at her hooves. She looked back up, fixing her eyes at a certain point in the sky, and muttered, "Oops."

The rest of the family spun around to see the stone high in the air, soaring in an arc a ways away from the hill. They all screamed at the sight, save Maud, who muttered, "Uh oh", with a few eyes turning to Pinkie and shouting, "Pinkamena!"

"I'm sorry!" she shouted. She started bounding down the hill and speeding toward the falling stone. "I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it! Please don't break, Choosing Stone!"

"Pinkamena, wait for us!"

Cheese Sandwich had just noticed that he was passing through the Nickerlite area. The thought that he should go and say "Hi" to the Pie Family while he was here came to mind, and he figured that it wouldn't hurt. After all, they knew him as a friend of Pinkie's, and they were polite enough to him, with or without Pinkie. After a unanimous vote of two from him and Boneless 2, he went out of his way into the dusty hills of the rock farm.

When he came to the farmland, walking among the many rocks of the field, he noticed from the corner of his eye Pinkie Pie galloping his direction. Delighted with their coincidental visits, he called out, "Hey, Pinkie! I was just in the area and thought I'd drop by!"

Pinkie gasped, and hollered back, "Cheesy! Look out!"

Cheese blinked. "Look out? What does she mean by--"

He barely glanced up and saw some crystal above him right before it slammed into his forehead, sending him sprawling on his back. Rocks stabbing him in every point of his back, stars of all colors flashing in his spinning vision, and the sensation of swelling on his head, Cheese couldn't understand what just happened or why. All he knew was that the world around suddenly didn't make sense, and there were about four or five Pinkies in his vision. Were they about to steal his mind?! His headache sure felt like they already did yank a piece out already. What did they take?

Standing above him, Pinkie cringed at the large bump that had already formed on his head. As thankful as she was that the Choosing Stone was intact, she felt like melting into a puddle for accidentally assaulting Cheese like that. How many kisses would it take to make that bump better?

She grinned sheepishly. "Oopsie... I didn't mean to hit you, Cheesy!" She wondered if the good news would keep him from being too mad. "But on the bright side, the Choosing Stone approves of you!"

Her family was not far behind. Once they had caught up, her parents and twin sister cringed once they saw the damage. Maud didn't react much, aside from staring at the nasty bump, while Limestone just rolled her eyes, grumbling, "Oh, look, there's our new brother-in-law. I wonder what ways he'll find to annoy me."

Had Maud been more expressive, she would have given her grumpy sister a funny look. "I think he's funny."

"No! You took my sense of humor! Give it back!" Cheese cried.

Limestone snickered with a wicked smirk. "I gotta say he's funnier with head trauma."

Pinkie groaned. "You can be pretty mean, you know that, right?"

"Okay, that's enough opinions for today--Limestone, show more respect for Mr. Sandwich, please," Cloudy said. "Now, we need to get this boy some ice."

Author's Note

I don't know what happened. This was just an idea in my head, then I realized it was Pi Day, and I went in a rush to provide some CheesePie thingy for Pi Day, and then the beginning of my CheesePie Wedding idea just came spilling out. Oops.

On the bright side, I ended up writing context for this picture here: