The Bachelor

by Dandereshy

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Sex, Discord, Slice of Life, Human, Main 6, Drama, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Princess Cadance
Length: 5353

Now that Anon has landed all of the Main 6 as dates, he must choose one to wed.

It's been a long while since you started dating all six of the Elements of Harmony. They've all shown you their true colors - and you've gotta say, you like it. However, something else has come up that you never expected: the mares want a lifelong partner, not this dating game you've been playing.

You must decide which mare you want to spend your life with, but the choice is hard - harder than it was deciding whom to date. Only careful thinking and romance can show you who deserves your love, and whom you deserve... For life.

NOTE: NSFW parts are tagged as spoilers so those not interested in reading it can skip over to SFW stuff.

Published 2017-10-08 22:30:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-12-31 04:06:51 UTC

The Game is Over

It was time to get serious.

This was your only thought as you came back to the Golden Oak Library after a sixth date with Twilight Sparkle. It had been several months since the first time you'd dated any pony from the group of friends known as the Elements of Friendship. One by one, you dated all six wherever they chose to have it, and however they chose to have it. It was supposed to help you figure out which one you wanted to actually keep around, but ended up making it harder to decide, since you truly enjoyed the presence of all of them. Unfortunately for you, they didn't all want to share.

Mares don't like to share their man, much like women in your homeworld. Polygamy was frowned upon heavily in Equestria, it seemed, so your harem had to go. And the six of them had all expressed in their own way how much they disliked you seeing all their friends.

It started out with Twilight, whom expressed her distaste with you seeing Rainbow Dash the previous evening.

As the two you made your way together back to her place, she seemed to be deep in thought, even bothered by something. So you prodded her for whatever was on her mind. It wasn't easy, but eventually she broke.

"I'm trying not to think about you slobbering all over Rainbow Dash the other day. Believe it or not, I do get jealous when I see you with my friends and it looks like you're having a good time. Sometimes I feel you're not having as good a time with me as you do with them, but I could just be imagining that." She said all of this while refusing to make eye contact with you. Instead, she just walked alongside you, staring ahead at the dirt path or up at the orange-hued sky. The sun was sinking quickly below the horizon, and the air began to cool to a more comfortable temperature. After all, it was mid-summer.

You, on the other hoof - er, hand, - didn't understand the jealousy Twilight or any of the other mares had for you when you spent time with one of the others. It's not like you devoted any more time to any one of them than another. Every week you took time to date at least three of them. You had work, so you couldn't see all six in the week, but you made the effort to show them you cared. And that was hard. As the weeks flew by, your efforts didn't seem to matter as much; they clearly wanted more than just a trip to the café. Which left you scratching your head asking yourself what to do next. What more could you do?

Twilight catches on to your inner conflict and bumps you with her flank, drawing your attention away from your thoughts and back to her.

"Hmm? Yes? Sorry, I was just thinking about stuff. What's up?" you ask casually, stuffing your hands into your jean-pockets and acting nonchalant. Truthfully, though, you were beginning to get worried that things might soon fall apart. What you had going kept you sane in this world. Losing it might be your breaking point.

Twilight hums and eyes you suspiciously, like you'd done something wrong. "What stuff? Is it something I should know about?"

You shrug. "I wouldn't think so, no. It's just something on my mind. It'll be fine."

"It'll be fine? That's something you say when there's a chance it won't be fine, Anon. I'm really curious as to what's bothering you. Whatever it is, it's making you act so calm. I know you well enough to know when something's up."

Curse her for being so damn intuitive. But God, was it hot. "Okay, fine, so maybe something's bothering me. What of it? I'll be fine. If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

"What if you don't know it's broken?"

Dammit.

You sigh and give up. Too easily. "I'll tell you in a more private place. I don't want to discuss the inner-workings of my mind around potential eavesdroppers," you say and shrug again, glancing at the sliver of light between houses, the sun. It finally crept below the horizon, bringing on the sounds of night. Your favorite time.

Twilight takes a deep breath and lets it out. "I see. So you're finally in the mood, is my guess."

"What?! No! It... well, I'm always in the mood. I'm a guy. But that's not what I had on my mind just a few moments ago. It was something far more important." You stumble over a rock and nearly fall, but manage to catch yourself. Twilight gives a quiet chuckle.

She clears her throat purposefully. "In any case, you haven't really been... well, giving. Despite your claim of always being in the mood. I'm just saying, it'd be nice for you to show it."

You stop in the middle of the path and gawk at her, prompting her to stop and stare back at you. "Why are you always so horny?"

She points to her horn. "I'm a unicorn."

You face-palm. "Let's just get back so I can get this crap off my chest." You start walking at a faster pace, Twilight coming up alongside you, having to go in a slow gait to keep up.

"You know there's a spell for that, right?" Twilight speaks up as the two of you hurry to the library now.

"Spell for what?"

"Getting fecal matter off your chest. I know a spell for that, since you mentioned crap on your chest."

"Stop talking."

"Just trying to be helpful, geesh."

After preparing drinks for the two of you, Twilight directs you upstairs to her room so you could speak to her privately about the rising issues in your six-way relationship. You sit on the bed beside her, while she lays back and lounges, acting a little too comfortable. Still kind of hot, though. You won't deny.

You sit resting your weight on one arm propped behind you, holding you up, while the other clutches the sweet serenade of Equestrian liquor Twilight concocted with a spell. This was the best alcoholic beverage you'd ever tasted. It was literally like drinking heaven.

"Now, to explain in short what is on my mind, I'm worried about this dating stuff getting old for you guys. I feel like you might want more than a date once a week. Same with the others. Am I right to assume this?" You gulp down more of the nectar from the glass in your hand.

Twilight sighed heavily. "No, you're right. The girls and I have already had a meeting discussing what should be done."

You arch an eyebrow in mild surprise. "Really?"

Twilight nods and sips her own drink. "Of course. Clearly I'm jealous of you and Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy doesn't really want to talk about her jealousy, but we all know she craves your attention. AJ doesn't really seem to care. Rarity wants you to take her out more, Pinkie wants a party with you every day, and Rainbow... well, she wants to hog you, it seems. Like she's claiming you as all hers. It's a bit unfair, if you ask me."

You knew it was bad, but this just proves it'll get worse if you don't do something. But what?

You cough and guzzle down the rest of your drink. "So, uh... what do I do then? If everypony is so jealous, what do I do?"

Twilight sets her drink down and rolls on her belly, scooting closer to you. She gazes up at you with dreamy, half-shut eyes and a curious grin on her face. "Well, you have to pick one of us to love the most and stick with her. So, marry one of us."

Marry. You knew this was coming. It was only a matter of time. "And let me guess, you want me to marry you."

She scoots a little closer. "That's not all I want."

"What, are you in heat or something? Jesus," you stand up and set your glass beside hers on the nightstand by her bed.

Twilight glares at you. "No. Couples make love, Anon. They love each other. They're emotionally and physically attracted to each other. Don't you know anything about relationships?" She rolls her eyes and snatches a book off a shelf with her magic and slams it against your chest. You grab it and read the cover. "Book of Love". Well at least now you can actually learn something.

"So now I go read this and become an expert on love?" you say slightly sarcastically.

"Read it and come back when you understand how we're all feeling. I think I speak for all of the girls and myself when I say we're tired of sharing you, Anon. We all want to eventually settle down. Maybe even start a family. Love isn't a game, you know. I think you need to go home, read that, and decide which of us you're going to stick with, that way the rest of us can move on and look for another mate." She turns over and curls up in her bed. "Goodnight, Anon."

Well that went about as expected.

"Goodnight, Twilight. Sleep well." You blow out the candle nearby and head home with the book she gave you. Hopefully it'd actually help you. She was right about the making love part, but you just couldn't get used to the fact that you'd be humping a pony. As hot as they are, it still felt weird.

You get home shortly after and sit down with the book under a lamp, flipping it open. It was written by the stages of love, one for each chapter. First sight attraction, appreciation, infatuation, etc. All written in the simplest of ways so that even a complete moron could understand what love truly is.

So you flip to page one and begin reading. By morning, you should be ready to start discussing this "settling down" stuff with the others.

Little do you know, it's about to get rough.

Twilight Sparkle: Science is Sexy

Author's Note

Self-edited. Let me know if you see any errors. Enjoy!

Twilight Sparkle: Science is Sexy

Here you were, the very next day, with your mind made up and a plan in place.

As you semi-merrily make your way that morning to the Golden Oak Library, with your new-found knowledge of relationships and a renewed sense of hope, you try and imagine how the upcoming conversation with Twilight will go. Obviously she's going to be quite impressed, but will things end up exactly the same way they normally do, or will things actually become serious in your relationship with her? More importantly, will having intimate relationships with these mares be really awkward or strangely fulfilling?

There was only one way you'd be finding the answer to that question.

The brisk, beautiful morning air felt good as you strolled through town towards the library. You wore your jeans again, but with a solid navy blue collared shirt. You put it on this morning in hopes that your sharp-dressing impressed Twilight even more. You were about to find out.

You half-skip up to the door of the library, fix your collar real quick, and give the door three good knocks. This is the beginning of your new life. Trying to win the hearts of pastel-colored mares. What a life you live.

After a solid minute, Twilight answers the door by slowly cracking it to see whom it was at her door this early, then swings it open suddenly, smiling brightly. "Oh, hello Anon. Good to see you. What brings you by this early in the morning? And why are you dressed so well?"

You return the smile. "We're going to start over. I'll explain inside," you say and push your way into the library.

"O... kay. Come right in, I guess." She closes the door behind you, following you upstairs. "Care to start explaining?"

You chuckle. "I basically already did." You enter her bedroom and plop down on her bed, sighing deeply. She stands at the doorway and stares at you.

"Huh?"

You pat the bed-sheets beside you, and she hesitantly sits there, keeping her distance and looking moderately concerned. "Twilight, I completely understand what I was doing wrong, and I know what I need to do. I can rectify this. I want us to start over. It means exactly what it says. I think we got off on the wrong fo- hoof, and I want to start us over as a couple. And not just you, I'm going to do it with the other girls, too. Then I can date you all more seriously and determine who I belong with. Sound good?"

Twilight sits speechless for a moment before working up the courage to reply. "So you're telling me you read the book I gave you last night and managed to concoct a plan to determine which of me and my friends you want to get serious with? And you did all this in one night, staying up to study and perfect it?"

You nod nonchalantly.

She suddenly plants her lips on yours, kissing you hard, with burning desire, nearly knocking you back on the bed. You let it slide momentarily before pushing her away and gawk at her.

She smiles and blushes, turning away from you. "Sorry, but that was quite possibly the hottest thing anypony has ever said to me. Heh. Lost control of myself for a second there..."

"Yes, well, I also took into consideration the... intimacy parts of relationships, and I plan to partake in whatever it is you want to do with me. I think." May or may not of been a good idea to tell her that based on the gleeful grin she's now wearing.

"That's wonderful! I'm certain the other girls will appreciate the effort you're willing to put out. I know I do." She winks seductively at you.

Oh brother. "Yeah, I hope so. I spent the whole night studying."

"Later tonight maybe you could... Study me...?" She could not have said that in a more dirty tone.

You sigh and shake your head at the purple mare. She claims to not be in heat but her actions say otherwise. "Twilight, I find it hard to understand why I don't see stallions streaming in and out of this place every day."

She cocks her head to the side. "Uhhh, what are you implying?" She eyes you suspiciously.

On the inside, you're trying hard not to laugh. "Nothing. You should go get ready. We're spending the whole day together. Today is going to be one you'll never forget."

She slips off the bed into a standing position, stretching and yawning. "Sounds great to me. I won't be long. Wait here, my handsome bipedal lover." She gives you another of her famous winks and heads off to get ready, leaving you to sit there and wonder what the hell you're getting yourself into.

A long day awaits you.

It didn't take long for Twilight to get all readied up and lead out the door to start the day. She wasn't like Rarity, so getting all fancy wasn't on the menu, but she did still look extra-attractive, compared to usual.

To put it plainly, you had some sort of physical attraction to all of the Element Bearers. Some more than others, but the attraction was still there, and most of them, it was built up over time. For ponies like Rarity and Fluttershy, right off the bat you were attracted. For others, like Pinkie Pie and Applejack, it took some time, but you eventually saw them for their beauty.

And it wasn't just on the outside that you found beauty. They all had personalities that you found quite tantalizing. As you'd already discovered in the first round of dates, this was going to be a tough choice. The fact that rejecting the other five after choosing one could possibly cost you some friendships was enough to make you stop and consider what it was you were even doing. But then remembering the fact that it most likely wouldn't be that way always brings you back that bit of hope.

There was no reason to believe your friendships would fall apart over something so minor. At least, you consider it minor.

With all those thoughts aside for the day to focus on your date, you follow Twilight to the very same cafe you dated her at the beginning of this charade. At first you were confused, but you remember you did say that you wanted to start over, so coming here made sense, in a way.

Twilight wastes no time bringing you to the same table from the first date, as well. It was a bit odd, but you were going to humor her, because that was the point. Give your dates whatever they wanted.

Twilight slid on the bench across from you and grinned widely, her eyes sparkling. "This is going to be so wonderful. I cannot wait to pick your brain before I take you home. Isn't it going to be fun?"

"I guess. Unless you mean literally pick my brain, in which case I'd politely decline a lobotomy at this time." Being sarcastic was in your repertoire. You had to do it every now and then.

Twilight of course, rolls her eyes. "No, not literally. But I do have a lot to ask. I even brought my parchment with all my questions!" She uses her magic to unfurl a three-foot paper over the table, inciting a deep groan from you. She looks over at you curiously. "What? Did I do something wrong?"

You grind your teeth, realizing it was going to be a long night. "Not at all, Twi. Go ahead, ask away."

At that time, the waitress approaches the table and gives you both a warm smile. "Hello! What can I get the two of you to drink on this wonderful afternoon?"

"Something with alcohol," you blurt. Oops.

The waitress gives a slow nod. "I see. And you, Miss Twilight?"

"Water, please and thank you," she says, smiling up at the mare.

The waiter flashes the two of you another smile. "I'll be right back with those." And then she strolls off.

"Water, huh?" you ask, smirking at your date and folding your arms.

"Alcohol, huh?" she replies, raising an eyebrow. Had to admit, she got you there.

You wave your hand dismissively. "I like a drink every now and then, that's all. Are you against alcohol or something?" You pull your silverware roll apart and begin fiddling with the napkin.

Twilight shrugs. "I don't drink it, but no, I don't really hold any animosity towards it. Or anypony that does drink it, unless they're rude and get inebriated in public. It's disgraceful."

"Good thing I don't do that," you say and wink at her, curling the edges of the napkin up.

"Not that I've seen, no."

The waitress returns with your drinks; water for Twilight, and what appears to be a crude martini for you. "Are you two ready to order, or should I come back?"

You shake your head. "I'm not ready, actually. Twi?"

She glances over the menu in front of her. "Not yet, I'm not. Perhaps in a few moments."

The waitress nods. "Okay, no problem. I'll come back in a few." The she trots off to the next table.

You cease screwing with your napkin. "Anyways, why the sudden inability to decide on a meal? You always know what you want. It's usually the same thing, too," you point out. Across the restaurant, a waitress drops a stack of plates, startling pretty much everyone in the place. She holds a hoof over her mouth, her eyes wide.

Twilight turns back to you. "Well, I just wanted to try something different, but I can't seem to decide what."

You give an understanding nod. "Hey, do whatever your cute little heart desires. This date is all yours, hon." Listening to yourself talk to a pony like that just sends shivers up your spine, but you had to remind yourself that it would be worth it in the end.

Twilight beams at you. "Anon, you definitely did change. You seem to be acting far more mature. I think I like it. A lot."

"Then I guess I'm doing something right for once."

She snorts, quite adorably. "Anon, please. You've been doing it right all along, you just needed to be reminded that you can't have harems in Equestria."

You lean forward, genuinely interested in her response to your next question. "Why not?"

She hesitates. "Well... I mean, sharing is caring, but not with mates. I don't want you... Um, how to put this without disgusting the patrons at the nearest tables... I don't want sloppy seconds, thirds, fourths, et cetera. I just prefer not to do that, is all. As do most mares."

Good points, you guess. "I can see the logic in that. It's just... Ah, nevermind."

"No, what's on your mind? You can tell me, I won't judge you," Twilight assures you, sliding her hooves across the table and taking your hands in her hooves.

You give in. There was no point in holding everything back anymore. It would only hold you back. "I just... Don't know if I can decide on any one of you girls. I like you all equally, for different reasons. I've been thinking about that for awhile, even before last night. You all have things about you I love and desire. Picking any one of you also carries the risk of angering the rest of you, out of jealousy."

She shakes her head. "Nonsense. We'd never stop being friends with you over that. We all understand how hard this is for you. I promise that, Anon. Just make sure you choose who you really want, and don't let any of us bribe you or anything into favoring us over the others."

"That's quite the advice, Twi. And unexpected. Thanks for reassuring me." You give her hooves a gentle squeeze and give her a faint smile.

"Not a problem, Anon. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't help you. Or be here on this date, actually."

"I'm certainly glad to hear that."

Just then, the waitress returns and politely interrupts. "Um, are you two ready to order?"

You look up at her and answer, "As a matter of fact, I think I am."

"Me as well," Twilight chimes in.

Then you both place your orders and chat idly until your food comes.

Never had you so enjoyed having a during-meal conversation with anyone in your life, especially on the intellectual level you were on now. Twilight wanted more information on gaming and computers, so you were informing her in the best detail you could give.

"So a way to make a computer run faster and smoother is to give it more RAM," you explain, sipping your martini, second refill.

"RAM?" Twilight asks quizzically, arching an eyebrow.

You nod. "Random Access Memory. It's one of the most vital components to a computer. Without it, or without the right amount of it, the computer won't run, or it'll be so slow, it might as well not be running."

She scribbles down notes on a parchment. "How is this 'Random Access Memory' measured?" She had a very serious look plastered to her face now. You've never seen her so deeply interested in something. It was really hot, actually.

"Simple: it's measured in either megabytes or gigabytes. Gigabytes are better." You gulp down a bit more of your drink and feel the slight burn as it descends your throat. "Ahhh. You should try one of these sometime, Twi. I think you'd like it."

She scoffs. "I seriously doubt it. I've sipped beer before, and I honestly can't see how stallions drink it like water. It's awful."

You chuckle, shaking your head. "Yeah, well, beer's not for everybody. Er, pony. It's gonna be awhile before I get used to saying that." You drain the rest of the martini and set it aside on the table. That was enough for you tonight. No need for it.

"Get used to what?" she asks, eyeing you curiously, cocking her head to the side. It was an adorable gesture, regardless of which pony it was doing it.

"Saying 'pony' instead of 'body.' I'll never get used to it if I can't embrace it." You shrug.

Twilight smiles. "You'll embrace it. After all, you're here to stay, luckily."

"Luckily?" you ask incredulously. "I don't think of this as anything remotely lucky. I'm stranded in a world of small, colored horses."

Twilight seems a bit offended, as she draws back and scrunches her muzzle. "That's a bad thing? Don't you like me? And the girls? Are you saying you don't like any of us?"

Took that way out of context. "No, not at all. I was just stating the obvious."

"Mmhmm. I'm ready to leave if you are," she says, sounding a bit irritated. Boy, you just couldn't keep up the good work, could you? Now you'll have to spend the rest of the day making it up to her. However it was you were going to do that.

You nod slowly. "Yeah, I am." You wave down the waitress and get the bill, paying it and leading your date back outside. The sun shone down brilliantly, adding to the beauty of the perfect, outdoorsy day. You figured it'd be okay to spend some time outside with Twilight, but she never really seems interested in it, anyways. No need to try, at least for now.

"So," you shuffle a shoe in the dirt, stirring up some dust. "What's next?"

Twilight takes your hand in her hoof. "My place, of course. Where else would we go?"

Good question. "I don't know. Lead the way, I guess. But first, what exactly are we going to do at your place?" You kind of already know, but you wanted her to admit it. However, she surprises you.

She tugs you along, dodging ponies and looking back over her shoulder. "I just want to relax and talk. Maybe more about the human world, if you don't mind. I still have so many questions."

You stumble a couple times, but manage to keep your balance as you're led through town. "That actually sounds pretty good to me. Maybe you can show me some cool spells, too?"

"I can do that, if you really have the interest in it."

"I sure do. Show me, girl."

She gives you a grin full of mystery. It was very enticing, almost inviting. "I'll show you whatever you want, Anon..." she says, giving a just barely perceivable blush and turning back to face forwards.

You know what she means. "Uh. Okay..."

It's long after dark, long after you got back to the library with Twilight, and long into a series of interesting spells Twilight was conducting to pretty much impress you.

Besides the two of you, the library was empty. Spike was off with Rarity doing God knows what, and Twilight's pet Owlicious wasn't here. It was just the two of you. Alone.

Twilight was currently demonstrating that she could give you wings.

"All ready?" she asks you, standing nearby with her horn aglow. You weren't at all ready. She was going to give you wings. To fly. It was quite exciting and terrifying at the same time. You stood directly in front of and facing her, slightly hunched over for no apparent reason.

"I'm absolutely ready," you lie. Oh well.

She charges up the spell, a curtain of magic encircling you and lifting you slowly into the air. It suddenly envelopes you in a blinding flash of light and you feel a strange tingling sensation on either side of your back. You then fall to the floor when the magic suddenly subsides and disappears altogether. You stand up and shake the blurriness from your vision. "Ugh. Did it work?" you ask hopefully.

Twilight grins widely, casting a reflection spell.

"WHY AM I A BUTTERFLY?!" you roar, horrified. You had girly, colorful butterfly wings. This was probably the weirdest thing that's ever happened to you. Well, besides ending up here to begin with.

"Relax, Anon. They're temporary. Try to fly. I want to see if it was completely successful." Twilight retrieves a quill and parchment from a nearby desk and studies you intently. Once again, for some reason, you find this attractive.

You flap your "wings" as hard as possible, but it barely budges your body. Too heavy. You knew you should've laid off the chips.

Twilight seems more disappointed than you are, as she tosses the quill and parchment aside and sighs heavily, her ears going flat against her head. "It was worth a try, I suppose. I'm going to reverse the spell now. Hold still."

You obey her command as she performs the reversal spell, returning you to semi-normal, since you're nowhere near normal.

"All done," she says, trotting away and up the stairs. You sense that she is troubled by observing her body language and follow her closely. You both reach her room, and she collapses on her bed on her back.

"What's wrong, Twi? You seem bothered by something." You sit beside her on the bed, staring down at her, all sprawled out on the bed. Your eyes wander up and down her body, but you quickly avert them. So much for not being sexually interested in ponies.

Twilight doesn't move, and responds quietly, almost half-whispering. "It's nothing. I know the date is about up and I'm just not sure if I had the best of nights yet."

You decide to lie down beside her, which surprises her. She turns and faces you on the bed, perking up a bit.

Despite what you tell her next, to you, the day has been about as good as it could've ever gotten. You really enjoyed it, and felt a much better connection with her now than ever before. Plus, science was never your favorite, but tonight, it was just plain sexy. "It admittedly hasn't been all that special, yeah. But It's definitely not over. We don't have to part ways just yet. Anything you want to do?" You know you'll regret those words, but what you regret doesn't matter. At this point, it's better to regret that statement than to regret not going all the way with your dates to prove you're serious about them.

Twilight licks her lips. "Well, since you ask, I thought maybe we could indulge in that intimacy you promised..."

Better get this over with. "Uh, I see. Well, if that's what you really want, than we can - "

You don't even get to finish the sentence before Twilight is all over you. She plants her lips on yours, mounting you cowgirl-style and balancing herself with a forehoof on either side of your chest.

At first, you're appalled by the sensations of her tongue and mouth on yours. But it doesn't take long for you to close your eyes and imagine her as the hottest girl in school. Suddenly, diving your tongue down her throat didn't seem so bad.

Twilight breaks off the kiss a few moments later, staring hungrily into your eyes. You've never seen such burning desire in your life. "I'd like to more fully understand the male human anatomy. Do I have permission?" she asks, half panting, her tongue lolling out to the side, a bit of drool beginning to slide down.

"What do you mean...?" you ask cautiously. There was no telling what she meant.

She grins devilishly down at you. "I'll just show you." With that, she spins her body around, standing over you, giving you quite the view of her backside, and begins undoing your pants.

"I'm scared."

"Don't be, I don't bite... hard."

And then down came your pants - and her plot.

Rainbow Dash: Active, Attractive

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.