Twilight And Friends Can't Stop Rhyming

by deadpansnarker

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Random, Slice of Life, Zecora, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 2540

Twilight wakes up one morning. And she can't stop rhyming. The same is true for all of her friends. They aren't too happy about it, either.

Twilight wakes up one morning. And she can't stop rhyming. The same is true for all of her friends. They aren't too happy about it, either.

Let's face it, neither would you.

Published 2017-03-16 23:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-16 23:20:01 UTC

They're poets, and don't they just know it

It was a typically lovely morning at the Castle Of Friendship. Twilight snoring, Starlight studying and Spike putting in all the hard graft. Yadda yadda yadda. You know the drill. Let's just get to the good stuff, shall we?

Princess Twilight got out of bed, stretched her front (and rear) hooves, before opening her mouth to talk. But what emerged wasn't quite what she'd intended:

"Oh, darn this stupid cramp!
Now where is Spike, that cheeky scamp?"

What the? While she certainly intended on saying words to that effect, she certainly didn't mean on them coming out so... poetically. She tried again:

There's no way this sentence will rhyme.
I refuse to do it every single occasio... time."

Oh dear, it would appear as though Twilight's ode-inspired delirium was here to stay. Usually such a fascinating malady would be of great interest to her, and hours of experiments would soon follow, usually consisting of a lab coat, a pair of thick glasses and a test-tube explosion to the face. Ouch.

Seeing as how it was affecting her directly though, and could even impede her performance as Princess, the situation was a little more important than her obsessive scientific musings.

For example, what would the populace think of their local royal if she gave a sincere speech, and instead spouted a bunch of melodious mumblings? They'd never take her seriously again... leave her all alone in an empty arena... her well-earned reputation for competency would be in tatters... crops would burn... the townsponies would riot... rebellious chants of "off with her head" would swiftly circulate nationwide...

Okay, so maybe those last three scenarios were, hypothetically speaking, a bit of a stretch. But still, if her mysterious illness persevered into the near future, her prospects for continuing her ambassadorial role for all things friendship-related couldn't be much grimmer... Glimmer?

Oh great, now she was even constructing couplets in her head. Still, her sudden attack of lyrical psychosis had given her an idea:

My prize student is almost as powerful as me!
Perhaps, we can make a remedy.
Maybe, if we put our heads together.
We can make it go away foreve... AARGH!

This couldn't be delayed any longer. Without even bothering to brush her teeth, she rushed downstairs to the great hall, past an agitated Spike who had gotten his claw stuck in a crack in the floor yet again, and straight through the double-doors.

Phew, it looks like she's here!
Now let's all give a big, loud chee... Oh no, you don't!

Twilight had heard more than enough from her verse-reciting brain for one day, and gave it a little knock to show it who's boss.

Ow, that was a nasty blow!
Why oh why do you hurt me so?

Apparently, it hadn't worked. Just about at the end of her tether, she literally galloped over to where Starlight sat with her muzzle in a book, pushing the cover down to speak to her student. In doggerel, naturally.

"Starlight, I need your help right now!
I want to stop rhyming, and I don't know how!"

The newly-reformed unicorn glanced up at her teacher, with an oddly sympathetic look on her face. Clearing her throat, she made sure nopony else was around, before almost whispering her response:

"I know! I was trying to practice a spell...
And it seems to have affected me, as well!"

Oh no! Oh woe! was Twilight's initial reaction to realising Starlight was stuck in exactly the same stanza-related nightmare she was, until both of them grasped simultaneously that they needed to check on the health of one of their other friends who lived with them.

"Spike! Let's see what he's like!" This was spoken in unison by the duo, who could only frown at their own inadvertent duplicity in verse, before hurrying over to their dragon companion.

He'd managed to remove his foot from the tiny fissure on the ground, and was gently rubbing it when he saw the two ponies burst in without an invitation. Twilight didn't really want to open her mouth again until this ridiculous charade was cleared up, but if she was to inquire as to the health of her special little guy, there was really no other option.

"Spike! Are you feeling okay?
Or are you talking in a funny way?"

The drake frowned at this odd question and turn of expression, before he responding by saying this:

"Talking? I don't know what you mean.
I was just giving this floor a good clean...
When my claw got caught! If you really cared
You'd get all these blasted cracks repaired..."

As Spike blushed at his own little accidental poetic 'masterpiece', Twilight's worst fears were confirmed. This was the confirmation she needed, that something was very amiss indeed. Nodding her head sagely at an equally pensive Starlight, and also addressing a now dumbstruck dragon, she made the following proclamation:

"Listen to me, Spike and Star
We need to spread the word, near and far.
Because of these lyrics we keep repeating
Get the girls together for a meeting."
...............................................................................................................................

It had not been a happy day so far for any of the Elements of Harmony as they were known, who now sat squabbling at the big table in Twilight's castle. Not only was the bickering a huge strain on Twilight's ears, the most ingratiating part was... it was all in verse. Yep, apparently this strange affliction had spread to each of them, a fact that became clear as each mare in turn divulged their heart-rending testimonies:

"The Wonderbolts all think I've gone insane!
My whole careers going down the drain.
Just before I left, I got a letter...
Now I can't return, until 'I'm better'!"

That was Rainbow Dash of course, who was now officially on 'sick leave' under she stopped distracting her other colleagues with incessant poetry. She was the kind of mare who'd go nuts without something to occupy her time, a sentiment shared by Rarity, who was having similar problems in her line of business:

"Darling, I know of what you say!
I've had hardly a customer all day!
As soon as I start talking in this odd way
None of my regulars want to stay!"

The fashionista didn't seem to take much pride in the fact she managed to make all four lines rhyme (truly, an impressive accomplishment) and sunk her head into her hooves, weeping voraciously. Being there to comfort her was the ever- reliable Applejack, who'd been experiencing a bit of difficulty too, but chose to be a bit more stoic about it.

"Y'all might say it's not doing any harm
But my words follow me all over the farm
Whether I'm apple sortin' or apple buckin'
All you can hear is the sound of me... clucking."

That last line there might not be the most accurate description, but it was the least offensive choice she could've used, right? Up next was Fluttershy, who if possible, was even more demure than normal:

"I think, what are my biggest regrets
Is when I talk to all my pets
Including the birdies I adore
They just don't listen anymore..."

The yellow pegasus was referencing the fact that none of her animals took her seriously when she started speaking to them in that goofy way. Especially Angel, who thought this was kind of a bizarre payback for all the petulance he'd displayed over the years. There was a lot to make up in that sense, for sure.

Now, who was left... everypony turned to Pinkie Pie, who was the only equine present who hadn't spoken yet. Predictably, the dour mood in the room hadn't blunted her effervescence one iota, and her grin shone like the brightest lights of Manehattan as always:

"I don't know why you ladies are so depressed!
Ever since this happened, I've had this zest!
All the ponies who hear me in the cafe.
Have come away happy, smiling and laugh-ee!"

Trust Pinkie to escape scrutiny with a final word there that didn't actually exist. Also trust Pinkie, to be the only one in attendance who could get away with chattering like a laureate at Sugarcube Corner all day long, without everypony thinking she's stark-raving bonkers. Most others had formed that opinion long ago, and just decided to accept it as fact. Why else would there be a unique entry for 'Pinkieisms' in the dictionary?

Feeling that the time had come to restore some order to this boisterous debate, Twilight rapped on the table to get everypony's attention:

"Okay girls, please try to think back...
Where were we last, before this sudden attack?
Remembering that could give us a clue
Then we can figure out what to do."

All present stopped their unintentional poetry convention straightaway and thought long and hard, apart from Pinkie Pie who'd far more important things to consider, like what colour frosting to put on her next baking extravaganza, standard pink, or hot pink? In the meantime, the others, including Spike who'd just turned up with the drinks (naturally), began to form their own little sonnet.

"I seem to remember, we went out..." Rainbow Dash paused to recollect.
"Into the Everfree, or thereabout." It was all coming back to Rarity now.
"A filly had run away from home..." Applejack recalled they had a mission.
"So inside the forest we must have roam." Fluttershy remembered them arriving at her house.
"We reunited her with her Mum and Dad..." Starlight noted the success of their endeavour.
"That's all that happened. Nothing bad." Spike, couldn't see how this might have affected their speech.
"Hang on. A zebra spoke to us, and we didn't ignore her..." Twilight's superior memory came in handy here.
"I know! It was great fun, catching up with Zecora!" Pinkie Pie finished off the verse, almost dreamily.

The other ponies looked at each other in awareness, as all the pieces began to click. Of course... where else would they have picked up this irritating habit from, if not the striped shaman herself, who was usually the only one that communicated in this annoying fashion? That's where the answers must lie. They'd rush down there straightaway to discover a cure, or rhyme each other to death trying.

"Let us depart now to her hut.
Also, new rule: Keep your mouths shut."

Wise words indeed from Twilight, lest they drive themselves insane with poetic blather. Even Spike tagged along, happy he didn't have to clear away the table for a change, although knowing Twilight, this would be but a temporary reprieve.

..............................................................................................................

"Twilight and friends! What a pleasant surprise! Come in, come all! This is a happy day indeed, and its great that I get to share it with some of my closest friends!"

Zecora's initial greeting to the just arrived party of ponies was not quite what they'd expected. It wasn't just the fact that the zebra had just hung up a new skull-bone on the wall, or that she'd moved her cauldron a few inches to the right...

It was the fact she was talking normally. The way they used to, before... anyway, still getting used to the new, articulate Zecora, they listened with rapt attention as she explained how she was now able to communicate in complete sentences.

"My potion was a success! It enables me to speak fluently for the first time in my life, without having to rely on verse. Of course, I won't be taking it all the time, but it's nice to get a break every once in a while from trying to match one word to the next. I mean... have any of you actually tried finding rhymes for 'secret' or 'penguin', before?"

Ignoring Pinkie's raised hoof at this time (she wanted to know where the 'secret penguin' was), Twilight realised that this radical breakthrough for the zebra must have come at some cost for her and her friends' verbosity. The two linked events couldn't be a coincidence, so for the first time since leaving the castle, she opened her mouth:

"Zecora, I'm so glad that you're happy.
And I don't mean to be snappy.
But I'm afraid your mixture, as good as it is
Might have had a extra something in the fizz.
I don't think I have to be direct
When I tell you about it's side-effect!!"

The Zebra's ears pricked up on hearing Twilight's new way of talking which was so familiar to her, and saw all the others nod in agreement with her description. A look of guilt quickly washed over her striped face, and a sudden realisation hit her about their visit just the other day.

"Oh my gosh my friends, I am so sorry! I must have given you each a portion of my special brew yesterday, instead of the herb drink which you actually requested! The two look, taste and smell almost exactly the same, so please forgive the confusion. Giving non-zebras my potion has the reverse effect and would have you talking like me, as you've already found out to your cost. Here, let me make you an antidote..."

Zecora hopped off her chair immediately to prepare the concoction, while a palpable sense of relief could be detected throughout the room that this horrible ordeal might soon be coming to an end. Apart from Pinkie of course, but she didn't need the help of an elixir to behave a bit crazy, so that was okay.

In the meantime, Starlight had a question for her mentor about their zebra friend:

"Twilight, how does she do it all day long?
Rhyme this and that and talk in song?"

Twilight shrugged her hooves, before answering as best she could.

"I don't know, it's her culture I guess.
As long as we're cured, I couldn't care less."

..........................................................................................................................

"Well, that's that then, I suppose..." Rainbow Dash spoke, as the party made their way home.
"I can't wait to get back to good ol' prose!" Rarity despised the inelegant odes she was forced to spout.
" I still feel a bit of sorrow..." Applejack lamented something to everypony else.
"...That the remedial effects won't kick in 'til tomorrow!" Fluttershy finished her sentence for her.
"I hope it works, that potion we all quaffed..." Spike was a little cynical about it's application.
"Until it does, I'm shutting myself in the loft!" Starlight thought the highest part of the castle sounded good right now.
"Now now, everypony... I'm sure it'll be fine..." Twilight offered a more optimistic point of view.
"...And if it isn't, you can all get jobs at mine!" Pinkie beamed, thinking how positively the customers at Sugarcube Corner had received her own poetic musings earlier.

The others immediately glared at her grating enthusiasm. "PINKIE!" They all shouted, before inadvertently adding... "You stinkie!"

"Oh well, it was worth a try.
We need some new staff, I won't lie..." The party pony gasped, while being chased out of the forest.

Author's Note

This is my final one-shot for this week, and I think it might be my favourite of them all! Again, a lot of fun to write. :rainbowlaugh:

Next, I'll be updating one of my chapter stories... Hmm, I wonder which one... :rainbowdetermined2: