Discord Reenacts A Crackfic

by Crumb Drub Wub Drub

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 1080

On the seventh day of the seventh moon of the seventh sea of the seventh midnight of the seventh year, Discord will get bored. On that day, blood will be shed.

On the seventh day of the seventh moon of the seventh sea of the seventh midnight of the seventh year of the seventh Christmas of the seventh dawn of the seventh day, Discord decides to do something rather mischievous.

For a single day, the laws of physics and time will be rendered obsolete. Grammar will be ignored. Blood will be shed. Spoils will be shared. Your privates will be violated. In fact, just about everything will be violated. Like, everything.

Run. Don't stay. What are you doing. Just go.

Before your legs have developed eyes and become sentient.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-16 15:40:59 UTC

Oh No. Why. I Didn't Even Know It Could Do That.

  There is a rumor that is currently being passed on in Equestria.

   It is said, that on the seventh day of the seventh night of the seventh midnight of the seventh twilight of the seventh moon of the seventh sun of the seventh hour of the seventh century, something impossible happens. Something which shivers the spines of fillies, colts, and mares alike.

   Discord gets bored.

   The guy who could literally be or do anything gets bored.

   So basically its Armageddon.

   Just pure chaos. Really, really bad.

   Unfortunately for every single pony, that day was today.

   Listen. Diamond Tiara is bad. Peugeot is bad. Bud Light Lime is bad.

   Discord? When he's bored?

   Imagine stubbing your toe against a wall. Really hard. With a little pin inside the toenail. While on fire. In wet socks. With new trousers. Six hundred thousand and fifty eight times.

   Twilight pranced about in her usual prancing motion. The sun beamed down with its bright rays and---

   Hey! Hey! Knock it off!

Mmmphh!

Mmmmpppphhhhh!

   Ah! Joy at last!

   Hello there viewer! I'm Discord! I'll be your new narrator from now on. Don't worry, I'm much better than the last one.

   Annoying bookworm walked like a pig with her stupid face. The sun was also dumb. It shone bright lights and made me feel stupendously hot.

   (P.S Celestia, just because you're more powerful than me doesn't mean you can keep raising the temperature!)

   As she walked (like a pig), she noticed that her body was slightly heavier. Oh no, it felt like she was carrying something heavy. Not on her back. Not on her head.

   Dear Celestia! She's grown a willy wonka!

   What devilishly handsome creature would have done such a thing?

"DISCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD!"

   A stupidly stupid mare who cares for apples too much stupidly prances about her stupid farm. Her accent is also stupidly annoying. Let's change a few things.

"Big Macintosh!"

   "Eeyup."

"What is the meaning of this? My country speak has been removed! I can only speak in a very polite and dignified manner!"

   "Eeyup."

"I can only say full names!"

   "Eeyup."

"I don't like this in the slightest of manners."

   "Eeyup."

"Can you stop saying 'Eeyup'!"

   "Eeyup."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

   "Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup   Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup Eeyup..."

   Our next exhibit. Le Rainbow.

   Today, she was going to interview the wonderbolts.

   Heh. Seems like a... uh... *tsk*...

   Important occasion.

   "Hello! Welcome to Equestria News 5! Today, we're interviewing some of the upcoming racers for next week's championship. Light Dust, tell us about how anxious you really are."

   "Oh, yeah, totally. There's just like, so much tension man. Like, on a scale it broke the scale you know. Like, totally dawg. Totally mad, man. Bonkers."

   "Ooogabala waw si comprend tu paers?"

   "Huh?"

"SAMAEWER SI BIBAD DUM?"

   "Dawg, I can't even understand you dawg."

"SOMIWAHA OOGABALA WINGDA SI SI OUI OUI DESHI DESHI BASARA BASARA?"

   "What?"

"OOOGALA OOOGALA INDIBIU CYKA BLYAT IDINI NAHU WAOW MAEN SNAKC WISNT AARGALA OU BALALA BENANERS! DESHI DESHI BASARA BASARA!"

   "Dawg! I'm gonna beat you up dawg--- c'mere!"

"CUT THE FEED! CUT THE FEED! BOTH RAINBOW AND THE WONDERBOLT HAVE GONE MAD!"

"OOOOOOOOOOGAAAAAAAAAAAALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

   Our next attraction is quite the talker. I'm honestly a little scared. So I brought a friend from another world to help me sneak up on the wild animal.

   "Oi. I'm Bear Gryllsssss. Today, we are facing off against the woildesst creatures on planets you've never even heard of, mate. Our subject can currently tear roight through the space toime continuum, she's a proper beast. Her name is only known as the dreaded Pinkie Poi."

   The camera crew sneaked through the bushes behind Grylls. The audience could only see through a tiny opening in the bushes. The camera shook a bit too much but you could barely see Pinkie trotting to her house.

  "This creature can properly tear your gentlemen balloons off mate, so you don't want to be caught by this beast. I will wear this standard super safe safety equipment for safe people."

   Bear Grylls pops on a worn Hello Kitty bike helmet he got for two bucks and strapped the straps.

   "Let's poke it with a stick."

   "Hey! Humans! Wanna party?"

"OI! WE'VE BEEN SPOTTED MATE! STOP THE CAMERAS! IT'S PROPER GAINING ON US!"

   "Wait! Just come for a second! I want to talk!"

   Unfortunately, my scout had perished. Bear Grylls died from sugar overdose.

   Anyway, I ignored Pinkie because I didn't have too many humans left and decided on one last one. One last pony.

   I creeped up on her. No crazy, chaos, mind-bending trickery. I was just going to scare her.

   Slowly. So close.

   She's right there! I'm so close!

   Just have to---

   *crack*

   I stepped on a fly. Fluttershy turns around. Her hearing is like a dog, she could tell that the buzzing of wings was absent.

   She looked straight at me. I felt the weight of my body increase tenfold. My heart pounded faster. She was getting closer! OH MY---

   "And that's how I met your mother."

   Discord watched the little discords blink in confusion. It was 7:81 PM, time had gone backwards, and atoms were now squares.

   "So who wants to know how I cheated on Fluttershy with the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?"