You Can't Be Bad at Fashion if There is No Fashion

by Gapeagle

Rating: everyone
Tags: Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Rarity, Random
Length: 2009

Applejack becomes a fashion business tycoon by selling nudity. Rarity cannot even.

After Rarity's fashion show, Applejack has turned her attention to the fashion industry. Why is it so.....bizarre? Without the ability to come to a conclusion, Applejack takes a risk and starts her own fashion line. A line that will appease to Equestria's top fashion trend.

Don't blame this stupidity on me......I swear it's not my fault.

Published 2017-05-22 23:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-05-22 23:20:01 UTC

Ya Can't Be Bad at Fashion if There Ain't no Fashion.

Ya Can't Be Bad at Fashion if There Ain't no Fashion.

Applejack sat at the breakfast table, eating some freshly made pancakes. Apple Bloom, who sat across from her, was also enjoying such a breakfast, but doing so much more loudly. The older sister was about to put a pancake in her mouth when she noticed the younger one's uncouth mannerisms.

"Ya know, if Rares saw ya like that, she'll tell ya something," Applejack chuckled.

"Heck yeah she would!" Apple Bloom answered with a full mouth. "But she ain't here, so why worry!"

"Yeah, guess so."

"How did that fashion show thing with Rarity go?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Oh, it went well, for the most part. Still don't understand a lickin' of fashion though," Applejack shrugged.

"Fashion can be pretty interestin'! Sweetie Belle keeps showing me some stuff and boy, it can be mighty fascinating. Bows, ribbons, dresses, boots, and all sorts of hats!"

Applejack downed a pancake before continuing. "Yeah, but it's still mighty impractical. Ya should have seen some of the designs. By Celestia, they were awful!"

"I still think we should try our hoof in it. I mean, ya know some Manehatten fashion and ya can be a stunnin' model. Ever since you had your time as Apple Jewel, I always wondered if ya could make it as a super model!" Apple Bloom beamed in excitement.

"Probably not. I may admit that I got some skill, but nothing near to compete. I'm pretty content being a farmpony with my family. That fashion life can be too much of a hassle."

Apple Bloom did not seem convinced. She peered at Applejack with curious eyes, rubbing her chin with a food-ridden hoof. The older sister was starting to get nervous as she wondered what the younger was thinking. Suddenly, with a gasp of awe, Apple Bloom slammed her hooves on the table and gleamed with enthusiasm.

"That's it! We can start our own fashion line!"

"Say what..."

"I say we're fashionable. I mean, we follow the hottest trends in Equestria!"

"We do? What the hay will that be?"

"We wear nothing! Look Applejack, most ponies don't wear a cotton-pickin' thing! That means that nudity is mighty popular. We can hop on that trend and become fashion stars!"

Applejack's jaw opened. "Ya right, Apple Bloom. Never thought about it like that. Selling no clothes for a fashion line is brilliant!"

"Now why didn't we think 'bout this sooner?"

The two Apple sisters set up coat hangers, clothe racks, and nude mannequins in the barn. The loose hay on the floor was swept and replaced by old rugs. A cash register was mounted on a crooked red table. And banners that said "Apple Family's Nothing-At-All Apparel Shop" were hung on the outside doors. It all had the makings of a proper fashion boutique, only it lacked any sort of apparel whatsoever. Now all it needed was a slogan.

"How 'bout we use some sort of catchphrase like 'No shoes, no shirt, no problem?'" Apple Bloom suggested to her sister.

"Naw, that may already be taken. Here, how about 'Be the fashion!'" Applejack said while waving a hoof dramatically though the air.

"Wow! That's amazing!"

"Hehe, yeah, being with Rarity so much, I get the gist of how she does things. Rarity may be all haughty, but she knows what she's doing."

They both went out of the barn-turned-boutique and rested on a bench right outside. No customers had arrived, so it was quiet and a bit lonely. Apple Bloom seemed flustered at the lack of business. Applejack, however, leaned back and smiled.

"There ain't any customers yet, but they'll come. Ponies are the best consumers in the world. All we need to do is get our name out there," Applejack told her calmly.

"But how?"

"I got an idea..."

"Ya want me to go spread these posters around town?"

"Ya the fastest flyer in Ponyville and I need them up pronto."

Rainbow Dash blinked in confusion at the posters in her friend's hoof. It was easy to tell the gears in her head were still churning in the attempt to make sense of it all. She flicked her tail once and then snatched the posters.

"Are you selling....nudity?" she asked with a raised brow.

"Why, RD, that makes it sound so...uncivilized. I'm selling the fashion of the body. It's the hottest trend these days," Applejack could not help but chuckle at the end.

Rainbow Dash chuckled as well. "Heh, wow! This is so brilliant! And ya do realize selling my body's fashion will be too expensive to put in stores, right?" she rubbed a hoof on her chest. "I'm invaluable!"

"Yeah yeah, how 'bout gettin' them posters up?"

"Already done," Rainbow said after she flashed away in a rainbow-colored blur.

"That's my gal."

Applejack and Apple Bloom sat in the barn. The empty shelves and the nude mannequins creaked with the quietness. The younger sister was ready to give up the crazy business, but Applejack leaned back in her chair. She was a patient mare, so she was willing to wait.

The hooves of a pony sounded right outside the door. Apple Bloom's heart leaped in her chest and she jumped out of her seat. With a giant smile, she waited by the door. Moments later, the door creaked open and a young punk mare was there.

"Welcome to the Apple Family's Nothing-At-All Apparel Shop! Please look around!" Apple Bloom practically shouted at the potential customer.

"Oh!" the mare jumped back. "Well, at least I know I'm in the right place. A new fashion store? Usually nopony ever challenges Rarity's Boutique."

"Well, all she sells is Canterlotian expensive stuff. Not usually what the average pony can afford," Applejack told the customer. "We got stuff more in line with Ponyville's fashion."

The hesitant mare began to look around the empty store. She stared at the nude mannequin, looked at the shelves, and even slid the hangers along a rack. She seemed confused, yet fascinated with the store's unique products.

"I'm not sure..." she said.

"Why, ya need to just try 'em on!" Applejack said with a smile.

The farmpony brought a large mirror out and faced it at the mare. The mare raised a brow but said nothing.

"Ya may look simple now, but wait until now. Now ya look a whole lot better," Applejack nodded.

"You're right!" the mare gasped. "I look beautiful in this! I'll...I'll take it!"

"It's just 8 bits."

"Only 8 bits?!?! Wow this is a steal! I'll tell everypony about this place!" the mare beamed.

Applejack smiled. "Thanks for the business!"

Rarity was humming a lovely Canterlotian tune as she strolled down the path towards Applejack's farm. She was heading over there to have tea-time with her friend. They had been trying to make a weekly get together for about a month now, but for some reason, it seemed Applejack's schedule was becoming consistently tighter. So, trying to force the tea time, Rarity was going to her herself.

"Oh, Applejack is most likely just busy as the harvest season is fast approaching. She wouldn't dare reject me otherwise. Perhaps I could lend her a hoof on the farm? Well, only with the apples. Anything involving those farm animals would be just too messy."

So after she was done talking to herself, she continued humming to the trees that flanked the trail. In her lovely purple sun dress she had made just yesterday, she was ready to impress anypony she came across. She went along with such confidence and grace! All of it came to a crashing halt when she rammed into the rear of a standing mare.

"Hey, watch it!" the beige mare yelled back at her.

"Bon Bon?" Rarity said in shock. "My, what are you doing here at Applejack's farm?"

Bon Bon rolled her eyes and pointed a hood towards the barn. A line of mares were ahead of her, going in through the open red doors. A low chattering went among the ponies, all sounding very excited to be there. This all made Rarity even more confused.

"Is Applejack having a party and she didn't invite me? The nerve!" Rarity stamped an angry hoof on the ground.

"No she isn't having a party," Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "It's her new apparel store!"

"Yeah!" a mare in front of Bon Bon beamed. "This is the hottest store. Nothing-At-All Apparel! Best fashion shop in Ponyville!"

"WHAT?!?!" Rarity shrieked. "This can't be! Let me through!"

Rarity then forced her way through the waiting mares. Many of them protested being pushed and shoved but all knew better than to test the fashionista's ire. When she entered the store, she was met by customers running through the barn, gleefully looking at all the empty hangers and shelves with unbridled enthusiasm. Applejack, Apple Bloom, and even Big Mac were handling the cash register as customers bought their products.

The fashion pony angrily walked over to Applejack. The farmpony, upon seeing her friend, waved at her. Rarity did not smile and when she reached her friend, she could only glare at her.

"What. Is. This?" she growled.

"Why, it's my family's newest business. Apple Bloom wanted to go into the fashion business, so we made our own line of clothes. Pretty neat, huh?"

"You're selling nothing," Rarity pointed out the extremely obvious.

She barely finished this statement when a blue mare forced her way to Applejack. "Here, I'll take this!" she said and held up nothing to the farmpony.

"That'll be 10 bits, honey," Applejack smiled.

"Here, and thanks!" the mare gave her the money and rushed out of the store, letting another mare take her place.

"This makes no sense," Rarity rubbed her temples.

Another mare squeezed between them. "This really speaks to me. It fits me perfectly! I'll take it!" and she gave the store owner 25 bits and left.

"Just go along with it, Rares," Applejack advised.

"I can't. I just can't, darling. How is this working?"

Applejack grinned. "Wearing nothing is Equestria's top fashion trend. I'm giving what the ponies want."

"These look great on me!" a mare said and threw bits at Applejack's face.

Rarity was about to pipe up when Apple Bloom popped in out of nowhere. "AJ, we need to resupply. They're clearing the shelves!"

"There's more in the house. Get to it," Applejack ordered her little sister, who promptly ran out.

"You know what, I don't care!" Rarity huffed. "This is just a trend. You'll learn that trends are fads and one must evolve her business to keep relevant. Have your fun now, but my store will be back on top!"

Rarity held her head high when a mare came by and slammed some bits into Applejack's chest before scrambling off. She tried to leave in dramatic fashion, but that had to wait, as the barn was too clogged with mares.

*1 month later*

"I can't believe this..."

Applejack and Rarity sat together in the stands. Before them was a fashion runway. Mares not wearing anything at all were strutting down the line, receiving praise from all the onlookers. Bright lights and pop music made the place lively, but the clothes lacked everything.

"Don't be so upset, Rares. Ain't it great to know ya got a fashion tycoon as a best friend?" Applejack chuckled.

"Perhaps, but I never thought it would be this easy!" Rarity huffed and crossed her legs.

"Beautiful! Amazing! Chic! Magnificent! Ze magicks!!" cried the watchers.

"You made it to Canterlot by selling ponies nothing! It's hard to think Discord isn't behind this!" Rarity rubbed her temples.

"It's rather simple, Rares. I appeased to the masses. I didn't just make products for the rich bur go see."

"It's 'bourgeoisie,' darling," Rarity corrected.

"It's so brilliant! This is a great fashion statement!" Hoity Toity yelled across the room.

Applejack laughed. "Well, at least he sees my genius."

~~~

Author's Note

I'm not sorry about this idiocy.

Ok, maybe just a little....