Wandering Through Darkness

by Albert Manhattan

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life
Length: 1379

Twilight is feeling down. After a dream one night she realizes what truly matters in life.

Twilight Sparkle is having something of an existential crisis. Not wanting to worry her friends she keeps it to herself. But will she be able to work through her depression alone?
An existential look at life through the unconscious dreams of a unicorn.

Update 8/20/2014: It’s been two years and I’ve rewritten this story. This is the original and will remain here. Click here for the rewrite.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-07 15:44:02 UTC

Wandering Through Darkness

Twilight Sparkle gently awoke from her slumber resisting the idea of getting up.  The warm morning sunlight shined through her bedroom window crawling over her face as if refusing to let her fall back to sleep.  She groaned in annoyance as she grasped her pillow and wrapped it around her head attempting to create a fluffy fortress against the invading force.  Her efforts were deemed futile as she realized there was no way to avoid getting up and facing the day.  Like it or not, she was awake.

Twilight meandered half-heartedly out of bed and made her way into the main corridor of her library.  She felt her severe lack of motivation like a dense ball of molasses slowing her movement and her thoughts.  It hadn’t been just this morning; it had been every morning, every day lately.  She felt depressed and not for any individual reason.  It was as if, even when everything went right, she could feel the heavy weight of the world on her back and it was keeping her down.  Life had gotten to her and she failed to see much of a point in anything anymore, everyday she was just going through the motions of her life.

She surveyed her surroundings noting the time; just past 10:30 AM.  Even Spike would be up by now.  She looked around trying to find her little dragon assistant, but to no avail.  What she did find was a freshly written note.  ‘Twilight,’ it read, ‘I let you sleep in, you seem like you need it lately.  Don’t forget about the lunch picnic at 11:45.  sencer, cincirrl,  from, Spike.’  Twilight couldn’t help but give a weak smile at her assistant's cute attempt at spelling the word 'sincerely'.

Part of Twilight felt like going to the picnic and seeing her friends was exactly what she needed right now but most of her just wanted to be as lazy as possible and remain alone.  After a brief internal debate with herself she gave up and pushed herself out the door, the picnic was where she needed to be.

Lunch with all of her friends was nothing special, fun, like always, but somehow felt lacking.  Twilight talked, played, and laughed with her friends and enjoyed herself the same way she always had.  But somewhere in the back of her mind she couldn’t help but feel like it was all a placebo, something that would only stave off the inevitable stress of the weight of life she carried with her.  She considered telling her friends about her depression, if it could be called that, but thought better of it.  This was her problem and hers alone, she just needed time to figure things out on her own.

The rest of her day was uneventful and unfulfilling.  She skipped her studies today, the lack of motivation weighing on her subconscious.  At the end of the day Twilight found herself alone with her thoughts.  She could only think about going to bed and hope that she would feel more lively when she awoke to a new day.  Spike was already in bed sleeping although it was early for Twilight she laid her head against her pillow and with a small sigh drifted off into slumber.

Twilight’s eyes opened and she found herself surrounded by nothing, nothing but darkness as if all the light in the world had been extinguished.  It was as if she suddenly became blind but she felt like her eyes still functioned just fine.  She wandered around not knowing where she was but sensing that she was somewhere new, somewhere she had never been or maybe somewhere that didn’t really exist.

Twilight tried calling out to anypony that might be there for help but found that she was unable to scream.  She was alone and scared.  Her eyes welled up with the beginnings of tears but she refused to let them fall.  Her wandering trot turned into a full gallop.  She could feel herself running, running like her life depended on getting away but she felt like she wasn’t going anywhere like she was stuck running in place.  She thought she heard a sound and stopped.  She looked around but was still unable to see anything but pure blackness.

Then, as if something had tripped her while she stood in place, she fell.  She freefell as if the ground below her hooves gave up trying to support her and disappeared.  She tried to scream with no success.  As she fell she could feel herself shrinking, as if she was regressing in age.  The regression continued to reduce her age further and further until she was back at the age just before she acquired her cutie mark.

The falling ended suddenly without a landing, she was just sitting on the ground still bathed in darkness.  Where she sat there were walls, it felt like she sat in a room, alone in one corner leaning into the crease where two walls met.  She sobbed she could hear it now, she had a voice and all she could do with it was cry.  Tears ran down her face.  She didn’t know why she felt so scared, so alone, so sad, but she did and she just needed to let it out.

Suddenly and calmly a hoof was placed on her shoulder.  She looked behind her to see the pony.  The faintest bit of light revealed this pony’s face and Twilight’s sobbing slowed.  A small cyan filly stood before her smiling warmly.  She had wings, a rainbow colored mane and no cutie mark, Twilight recognized her, Rainbow Dash.

Another filly approached Twilight with a warm smile, her appearance made the small amount of light grow just a little.  This one was a white unicorn, she had a purple mane and like Rainbow she lacked a cutie mark, Rarity.  A third filly entered, bringing with her more light shining on the scene.  This one an orange earth pony with a blond mane and no cutie mark, Applejack.  A pink filly strode in shining more light.  This one an earth pony completely pink from head to hoof and again no cutie mark, Pinkie Pie.  A yellow filly trotted up to the group, the lighting increasing again.  She was a pegasus with a pink man and no cutie mark, Fluttershy.

Twilight looked at her friends, her feelings changed.  She no longer felt scared or sad or alone, in place of that she felt safe, she felt comforted, she felt loved.  Twilight’s tears stopped as she closed her eyes, a smile washed over her face.  The five ponies enveloped Twilight and one another in a group hug.  Spike appeared, jumping childishly into the group.  The seven of them started laughing jovially.

From afar princess Celestia watched the happy scene, her horn providing them light.  She stood there smiling with pride.  She dimmed her magic and walked away contently, the fillies didn’t need her to light the way anymore, they would make their own light that would stay with them now.

Twilight woke up and sat up in bed, vaguely remembering her dream.  She peered out the window, it was still dark out but she could tell sunrise would be soon.  She felt different somehow, better then she had.  She got up quietly, careful not to disturb her little dragon assistant still sleeping.  She gave him a small smile as she walked by.

The unicorn made her way to the main room of the library and magically lifted a quill and paper to her desk.  She paused for a moment, thinking about the best way to write what was on her mind.  She wrote a letter:

‘Dear princess Celestia,

Tonight I realized a very important lesson about life and friendship.  Even when life makes you feel down and you can’t see any point anymore your friends will always be there to remind you that, through all the hardships, life is worthwhile.  And even though they might not be there in person as long as you hold the spirit of friendship in your heart, its magic can get you through anything.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle.’

Twilight set her quill down and set the parchment aside to send later.  She looked out of the window in front of her and leaned her head against one hoof smiling widely.  The warm and gentle sunlight was just starting to peer over the trees and rooftops.  As Twilight sat watching the sunrise one final thought occurred to her.  No matter what bad things life has to throw at you or what tragedy befalls you, life and being alive is truly beautiful, and she has the best of friends to share it with.