Sunset and Twilight with Celestia

by Gpizano

Rating: mature
Tags: Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Drama, Gore, Trixie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Romance, Sex, Sunset Shimmer, Princess Celestia
Length: 24138

Denied access to Olympus, the two mages Sunset and Twilight must fight spirits and earn their way back!

Ponyville City, a town where it's citizens are regularly preyed upon by a darkness that can entirely take them over or manifest on it's own into some baaaaad news. Yet standing tall among these spirits is two badass mages, denied admittance to Olympus for being rude ass hos and using that bad attitude to strike heavenly justice upon evil!

Can they earn their ticket in from Celestia? Maybe, if Sunset would stop fucking everything within a five mile radius and Twilight would stop reading so many damn books like she was some sad shut in. Watch as these mages go through drama, high school comedy and everything in between!

00000-----00000

If you haven't guessed by now, this is a sort of crossover of EQG/MLP with Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt. More or less I'm going to follow the PSG episodes and stick MLP characters in the roles and tweak things, because this is for my amusement. I hope it piqued your interest and you'll enjoy my spin on a fever dream insane ride of an anime mixed with our favorite show of pastel horses/humans. XD

Either way this should be fun!

Published 2017-03-19 09:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-09-27 05:16:46 UTC

Snake the Drain

"Ponyville City, a town clinging between Olympus and Tartarus, where it's human inhabitants are regularly threatened by the foulest of darkness that feeds on such negativity that it grows fetid and large, lodging in the tracts of troubled souls until it consumes them! It can go unnoticed, silent and deadly up until the foul stench all but chokes the senses and brings an imbalance! However there are those that wield a power beyond human comprehension! That can cut through the logs of darkness and send it straight back through the bowels of Tartarus! Two young women who are the most powerful of mages!

.... who were nothing more than lazy ass bitches who got kicked to this backwater city not twenty-four hours before, now under the care of the mighty and selfless Luna now assigned to guide these wretched souls on the right path-"

"Shut the hell up Luna! We were fucking there!" spat out Sunset, not in the best of moods as she levitated a couple of trunks behind her as the trio walked down the street. The surely twenty-two year old had her hands stuffed into her studded leather jacket, leather boots clicking on the sidewalk as they were on the last leg of their journey to their new abode.

"No need to get testy." responded Twilight, nose in a book as was per the usual while she levitated more than a couple of trunks behind her. She was a little shorter than Sunset, wearing a dark purple sweater vest, loafers, and a skirt that was more towards the knee compared to Sunset's shorter skirt with striped knee socks.

"Oh don't even acts as if you aren't pissed about this. Our magical abilities are top notch, we passed the trials to get into Olympus and become elevated beyond our mortality... and then Celestia fucking says we have to buy our way in with Harmony Bits. Such BULLSHIT!" griped Sunset, ripping her hands out of her pockets, balled into fists but not yet settling on a target to punch.

"Well... perhaps if you hadn't solicited the two guards five minutes before final judgement." said Twilight, shooting Sunset a sideways disapproving look as she flipped the page. "You knew indulging was going to make you late."

"Oooo, bitchy. Well maybe if you didn't act like an anti-social little shut in, she'd think you'd actually do something than lodge your fat ass into Olympus's library and never been seen for hundreds of years." Sunset sniped back.

"I do not have a fat ass." said Twilight, an edge appearing in her voice as her eyes narrowed.

"Please, all you're missing is beeping when you back up."

Snapping the book shut, Twilight turned the full power of her glare upon Sunset "Look, I know you're upset but don't take it out on me that Celestia seems to think we're both lacking something!"

"Fuck you!"

"Piss off!"

Just as they were about to come to blows, the third member with them turned back and gave a resounding whack to the backs of their heads. She was a fairly tall woman with a darker complexion, long flowing blue hair that was light the night sky... and for some reason dressed in the sacred priest robes of the Church of our Lady Celestia. Her eye was twitching as the two young women glared at her "Enough! Believe me when I say you two have it easy! So shut the Tartarus up and move your asses! The sooner we get to our new abode, the sooner we can settle in!" she said, adjusting her robes before levitating her bags once more. Thankfully for the woman's sanity, this seemed to cause the two teens in her charge to become silent, at least up until they turned the corner and she pointed out their new home.

"... we're living in a fucking tree?" deadpanned Shimmer, eying the admittedly large oak that looked to have a couple floors to it, even a tower or two if those big stray branches were any indication. And was that a bell in one of them? Opening the front doors, it looked as if the front entrance was made for some sort of church, a look up on the second floor would reveal a dining room, living room and the like, with a third floor having various empty rooms. Sunset immediately cut ahead of Twilight and brought her bags to one of the doors.

"What if I wanted that room?" asked Twilight, childishly pouting as she took her time to actually look behind other doors.

"Tough." retorted Sunset, shutting the door behind her and setting to work getting things how she liked it. Which began with pulling her bed out of one of the enchanted trunks she had with her.

Twilight would more or less begin in the same way, but upon opening her first trunk, a small anthropomorphic dragon popped out, gasping for air as he hung off the side. "Finally! Oh sweet we're here!" said the energetic young being, jumping out and bounding all around to look at everything.

With a small roll of her eyes and a slight smile, she reached out and placed a hand on top of the being's scaly head, slightly crushing his green mohawk as she halted his movements. "Sorry about that Spike. It's gonna take time to set up, why don't you go outside and play?"

"Alright! And maybe I'll see some hot ladies!" he cheered before running out. Sometimes Twilight worried that forcefully hatching him before his time had some... effects, but at least he was happy.

Outside Spike was happily jumping about and rolling around in the front lawn, playing a game of some sort that only made sense in his mind. Up until the sky suddenly became cloudy and a bolt of lightning struck the young dragon. He let out a puff of smoke, feeling something lodged in his throat. Luckily Luna suddenly appeared behind him and gave him a swift slap on the back, causing Spike to hack up a rolled up piece of paper. Picking it up and unrolling it, Luna glanced over the message before heading back inside with Spike following close behind her. Standing behind the pew, she gave a magical snap of the fingers, suddenly summoning Sunset and Twilight into the air in front of her... and causing them to land on Spike who was standing in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"The fuck do you want now?" said Sunset, as sour as ever while Twilight rolled off of Spike and gently helped him back up to his feet.

"We just got a clue from Olympus, trouble is afoot and it's time for your first assignment." said Luna, stretching out the piece of paper so that it was like a small screen, showing images of various people around Ponyville City having been sucked down into their toilets, clothes missing. "The clue is toilet, and from the looks of things some vile evil is assaulting people while they pop a squat, dragging them down as it strips them of all their clothing. Whatever poor soul has been possessed, no mercy can be shown when they take advantage of people in such a vulnerable moment! Now it is up to you two mages to cleanse this evil and return peace to porcelain thrones everywhere!"

After such a passionate speech from Luna, both Sunset and Twilight... were boredly looking towards her while Spike looked like he had gotten way too into the one pic of the lady on the toilet. A moment later and Twilight looked to Sunset "So... shouldn't we be going now?"

"... I guess." sighed Sunset, moving to stand on her feet "We'll take my car."

"You don't have a car. You sold it to pay for that expensive prostitute the night before we left Canterlot."

"Fleur? Yeah, she was pretty great. Then I guess I'll just get creative."

"Oh boy." sighed Twilight, getting onto her feet as well and following. Thankfully it didn't get too bad, Sunset simply sweet talked some big hunk of muscle out of his pick up truck after they dumped all of the apples out of it. They drove around, fairly recklessly as was Sunset's way, up until they came upon the mayor's house. The silver haired cougar was talking up the plumber she had called over, things getting fairly suggestive up until Sunset did an impressive slide into a perfect parallel park to the side walk before jumping out and delivering a side kick to the brown haired man's back.

"... so why'd you drop this guy?" asked Twilight, raising a brow as Sunset, slid her panties off, the heavenly garments turning into a gun that she pointed right at the guy's head.

"Duh, he's a plumber. This has got to be the fucker." said Sunset, crouching down over him and staring the poor guy down. "Alright... Caramel." she said after looking at his name tag. "You might look normal and cute, but say your prayers!" With a click of the trigger.... nothing happened. The magical bullets bounced off of the poor guys forehead like Sunset was flicking frozen peas at him. "Huh. Alright, so maybe he's not the guy."

"Please stop! I-I haven't done anything wrong!" pleaded the guy, no longer cross eyed and looking pleadingly up at her juuuuust as the light hit him in the right way.

"Mm, you're actually kind of hot." mused Sunset, smirking as she continued to eye him like a piece of man meat.

"Preaching to the vag sister." said Mayor Mare, smirking before asking "So if you're through with him, I still have some pipes for him to clean."

"Take a number bitch." said Sunset, standing up and hauling Caramel up to his feet "Here Twilight, I won't need these for awhile. I'll call you when I'm done." she said, flicking her panties over to Twilight, the bookish young woman catching them as she made a face as she caught them before watching Sunset and Caramel get in the guy's van and drive off to the nearest hotel.

"So aside from Sunset... "cleaning her pipes", you two pissed away the whole day and accomplished nothing." said Luna, rubbing her temples as they sat around the dinner table, Sunset nearly finished, Spike making a mess and Twilight once more reading her book. "You know, I'm fairly certain the reason my sister sent you two here was to prove yourselves worth of heaven. NOT TO CONTINUE CHASING ASS OR SPENDING ALL DAY READING." she said, staring pointedly at the two who continued to ignore her. "Come on! It's as if you two don't give a shit!"

"Nope." said Sunset, tossing her napkin onto her plate before standing up. "But I'm going to go take one." she said, leaving the table and heading up to the nearest bathroom.

"Oh sister grant me the patience..." muttered Luna, pulling her head from her hands before taking another bite of her meal.

"Mm, but we did find a nice sweet shop today. Two actually. One only had candy and the other baked goods. I wonder if the latter has any chocolate sponge rolls..." mused Twilight, having reached a good stopping point so that she could focus more on her dinner.

"Maybe. Go tomorrow." said Luna, resting her cheek against her palm now. There was a pause in conversation as there came a low moan... it sounded like the pipes.

".... alright. Can I have some money then?" asked Twilight, ignoring the sound and going back to her dinner.

"What happened to the allowance you were already given?" asked Luna, too annoyed to give much thought as the moaning and creaking of pipes continued.

"Books." Twilight said simply before they were interrupted from above by Sunset's shouting. Shaking her head, Twilight called back "Sunset! No one wants to talk to you while you're using the toilet, that's disgusting!" When it finally stopped, she went back to her meal... up until there came an explosion. She and Luna looked at each other before they bolted up the stairs... only to find the bathroom Sunset had gone into had it's door blown off the hinges as a large, gooey brown pile stepped out, sloshing through the water.

".... Sunset?" asked Twilight, vaguely recognizing the outline. Then the smell hit. The vomit filled her mouth and she spewed in one direction while Luna spewed in another.

"... not a fucking word." said Sunset, walking passed them as she headed to the other bathroom. "I'm showering. I'm burning my clothes and changing. Then we're killing this fucker!"

Having failed in his latest heist, apparently the being had decided to say 'fuck it' and take to the streets. From every sewer exploded out tons and tons of shit, filling the air of the neighborhood with the foulest stench. When people weren't puking their guts out were pointing in horror to the large, serpent like being that had risen, it's dark form appearing to be made out of shit, with what looked to be the start of a scarf made from various items of clothing to compliment it's shit mustache.

As people fled in terror the local guard came in, drawing their guns or firing up their magic as the lead guard shouted "Freeze shithead-!" Unfortunately it didn't get much farther than that, as a wave of the foul stench rolled over them, the local guard rendered completely useless as they started vomiting. "Holy... shit!" gagged a wall-eyed blonde woman, magically summoning her wings and flying out of the way just as the great shit serpent swung it's tail, taking out her entire force in a wave of fecal matter "Ohhhhh noooooo, what do we do?!" Then she jumped when she heard Luna clearing her throat behind her "Whoops! Sorry preacher... woman?" said Derpy, scratching the side of her head in slight confusion. "Um...?"

"I'm here to tell you're that you're staring into the brown eye of an evil spirit." Luna explained calmly even as the police woman gaped. "If I had to guess, the negative energy of a disgruntled plumber overwhelmed them, growing and creating the being you see before you by gathering to it all the crap in the city to create this form." said Luna, stepping back as another wave of stench rolled by, causing Derpy to upchuck all over the ground where Luna had once been standing.

"Ugh... I dun' think I can take this any more. I think I'm gonna hurl again." whined Derpy, looking pale as she glanced back up to the rampaging monster. "Do you got a prayer for us preacher lady?"

"Tch, let me tell you something I've learned during my time as a holy woman. Prayer don't do shit! Prayer can go to hell because god herself doesn't come down to solve your shitty problem! No, we got mages for that!" said Luna, making a grand gesture as Sunset and Twilight walked past her, the cops wondering what the chick who looked like she'd just scrubbed herself raw and the nerd girl who looked socially stunted could possibly do.

"Alright, let's cut the shit and get to business." said Sunset.

"That was fairly cheesy." commented Twilight. "Did you come up with that during your twentieth rinse and scrub?"

"Alright how about this, you shut the hell up and I'll give you some of my allowance. You can respond to that, deal?" countered Sunset.

"Deal." said Twilight, grinning as magical energy began to surround them.

Raising their hands up into the air, a shot of purple and gold magic pierced the guy, summoning down small beams that they reached out and grabbed onto. They each spun, holding on with one hand and legs as they flung their upper bodies back, their clothes seeming to disintegrate and disappear, robes of purple and red replacing them as they continued what had to be a choreographed number as the beams disappeared, the magic washing over their body and forming heavenly looking wings. Both of their mage robes was just short enough so that they could take off their respective garments, panties for Sunset and a stocking for Twilight as they recited the incantation Celestia had given them.

"Oh pitiful soul trapped in darkness. Oh evil spirit that feeds upon the negativity of those poor souls. May the power of these blessed garments, wielded by these lovely mages with great vengeance and furious anger! Cleansing your prey and bringing them harmony so that you may return from the dark pits of Tartarus! ... REPENT YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"

With her panties changed once more into a powerful handgun, Sunset fired off a single round that pierced the mid-section of the shit serpent, with a pause before it vastly expanded and the wound broke it in half! Then Twilight flew in, her stocking changing to a katana before she sliced and diced it into many pieces! Causing enough damage as to completely break what was left of it's structural integrity, it's last dying words being "OH SHIT!" before it exploded! Fecal matter breaking apart, like dust in the wind going god knows where as in the middle of it all lied a single man, a plumber with a fabulous mustache whose name tag red 'Steven Magnet'. He looked up a moment, regretful, weak as he whimpered out "Never a dream for I to be a plumber. I... I wanted to be... A FABULOUS MUSTACHE MODEL!" he declared before passing out.

Everyone stared before giving a cheer that the monster had been defeated and for Sunset and Twilight's efforts, a single Harmony Bit "Cheap bastard." grumbled Sunset as Luna picked it up.

"Quit bitching, you're one bit closer than you were before." admonished Luna before the ringing of the bell could be heard from their home in the distance past the shit covered buildings and houses. "And that signals that evil has been vanquished. Or that Spike has gotten into the bell tower." she said, putting the coin into her rob pocket before looking to the two girls "Let's go home."

"Finally." said Sunset, tilting her head side to side to crack her neck before spotting a police woman that had not only managed to avoid getting his with shit but was also pretty cute. "Officer... Night Glider I see." she said, smirking and linking an arm with the blushing woman's, dragging her along.

"Don't forget, you owe me part of your allowance." Twilight reminded as they began to head back.

"Yeah, yeah. After a nice, long pat down from Officer Night Glider~"

Author's Note

SO yeah, I didn't want to totally rip off PSG but put a spin on it to make it entertaining.

I also intensely debated. To stripper pole or to not stripper pole?

Hopefully it works. XD

2 Fast 2 Horny

In Ponyville City, a sure fire way to get the heart racing is speed, a commodity no longer limited to the humans blessed with wings. While they use their magically attained limbs to fly among the clouds, those on the ground can blow their wad of cash on a vehicle. A majestic creation of human ingenuity, these long, hard metallic beasts need to be handled properly with the deftest of hands, gently yet firmly grabbing the gear stick, shifting up and down with one hand as the other uses the steering wheel to guide it upon the right path, going faster and faster, the wind slapping the driver in the face and getting in their hair until finally-!

"AHHHH-AHHHHHHHHHH!"

A man with blue, blown back spiky hair and green eyes collapsed on his belly, looking quite happy and satisfied as a hand decorated with red nail polish reached out and gave his tight muscled ass a hard spank. "Are you fucking kidding me? How many times are you going to fucking cum before I do?" said Sunset, sitting up and wrapping the cheap motel blanket around her body.

"Sorry..." sighed Soarin, rolling over onto his back and wiping the sweat off of his brow. "You... you really get me going. I mean, fuck, the way you do that thing with your tongue-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, nothing wrong with speed but hasn't Spitfire taught you any technique? I know the captain gives her teammates thorough training." mumbled Sunset, reaching over to the nightstand for the TV remote "And I know you wear those sexy Wonderbolt tights most of the time, but drop the skinny jeans. Only hipster tools and leg gap twats wear those." Flipping on the crappy TV set, it opened up on the channel 2 news with a helicopter view where it seemed all the guard's squad cars and some random truck were chasing after some turquoise and gold fast sports car. Which was miles ahead of the cops and backing up to ram the random truck before taking off again.

"This is your eye in the sky Svengallop here! If you're just joining us, an unmanned sports car continues to tear through the streets of Ponyville City in an excess of one-hundred and twenty miles per hour! The police are calmly redirected traffic while what has been described as a bookish nerdy woman joined pursuit, impressively keeping up in a truck!"

"Hey... isn't that Twilight?" mused Sunset, squinting at the screen before the cameraman got a close up on the truck to confirm her suspicions before the pocket of her jacket started to buzz and ring. Fishing out her cellphone, Sunset raised it to her ear "Hell-?"

"WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!?" snapped Luna on the other end, sounding stressed, most likely due to Sunset not getting on the ghost situation. Or the fact that living with two unruly mages for a few weeks now as wearing her thin. Or she needed to get laid. Probably that last one.

"Um... I'm putting in community service at a soup kitchen. Feeding the homeless." said Sunset, lying on her stomach now as she watched the news, Soarin right next to her.

"Don't even try that! You're at one of those cheap motels with some meat of the hour, aren't you?!"

"Shit..." sighed Sunset, but feeling saved when her phone beeped, indicating an incoming call. "Sorry, another call has come in, talk more later." Pressing the button before Luna could launch a verbal protest, Sunset wouldn't receive much reprieve of the bitching when Twilight's voice rang through on the other end.

"Where the hell are you?! Do you have any fucking idea what's going on right now?!"

"Nope." said Sunset, smirking as she leaned closer to Soarin, making the man blush as he felt the young woman's skin brush against his own. "Why? What's up?" she asked, putting on her best innocent voice that Twilight immediately knew was full of shit.

"Whatever douchebag or skank you're canoodling with can wait! We've got an evil spirit on our hands! So get your dumb ass out here and help me!"

"Fine, fine, I'll go. Fuck, I'm already done with this dope anyway." grumped Sunset, getting out of bed and gathering her clothes, slipping on her leather jacket as Soarin spoke up.

"So uh, will I see you again?" asked Soarin, a little hurt by being called a dope but his crank shaft starting to rev up after having a good gander at the red head's curves again.

"Doubt it." said Sunset, reaching over to the table, grabbing her bag of habanero rainbow dipped chips for a snack and a set of keys, heading out the door with one last parting smirk "Thanks for the ride by the way."

Meanwhile at the chase scene, Svengallop in his helicopter was filming the entire scene and commentating on the events below. A shadow appeared in the front shield window, a vague outline of a woman with a styled faux-hawk of sorts shouting "Get the fuck out of my way losers! Your lame fuck cars can't keep up with me! Fastest in the city baby!"

Twilight with Spike in the passenger's seat was managing to pull the red truck up, almost side by side with the sports car now "Come on!" said the bookish mage, gritting her teeth as she slammed into the side of the sports car, trying to drive it off the road just as they hit the highway on ramp.

This only made the spirit inside laugh "Aw, like it rough sweet cheeks? Then I'll give it to you rough bitch!" she crowed, slamming back as they took a hard curve, the police force trailing behind as the two didn't quite manage to make the last turn, ramping off and right back onto the street into a farmer's market "You think you can handle what I got? You're in over your head! I'll make you choke on it bitch!" People screamed and leaped out of the way, one poor young girl with a bow tie almost getting run over before her blonde sibling yanked her out of the way. The cart of apples and apple related items exploding as the sports car tore through it.

"MAH APPLES!" wailed the farmer before she grit her teeth and looked after the two culprits before realizing something "THAT'S OUR FUCKIN' TRUCK!!!"

Up ahead, a figured had just pulled out into the middle of an intersection on a sweet Wonderbolt's themed motorcycle. Turning in a circle with one hand on the handle and the other with her panty gun already out and aiming at the ghost "S'up cunt! Your joy ride ends here!"

"Wonderbolts? ... WONDERBOLTS?!" screamed the spirit, it's eyes going from pale orange to red as it hit the nitro in the car, speeding up unexpectedly and slamming the tail end of Sunset's bike, causing the mage to cry out in surprise as she used both hands on the bars to steady herself out before giving pursuit. "Fuck those Wonderbolts! Literally and figuratively 'cause Spitfire makes me cream! Wait, what the fuck is that?" said the spirit, stopping mid-rant to see a pair of red lace panties had caught on her left side mirror.

"Finally! Fucking 'Tia, did you mount everything on your way over?!" snapped Twilight, pulling up next to Sunset as they followed the spirit onto another freeway.

"Shove it, Twi'! It's got my panties!" swore Sunset, standing up on the motorcycle and leaping to the driver's side door "Move the fuck over!" she said, opening the door and shoving Twilight over onto Spike before taking the wheel, shifting gears to really give the car some get up and go.

The left side mirror moved, on a long, flexible pipe as it was brought over to the windshield for the spirit to inspect "Well, ain't this some fancy granny panties?" she said before taking a sniff and smirking "Oooo, someone's been a naughty girl!"

"HEY! Get your face out of my panties!" snapped Sunset.

"That's something I bet you don't say often." snarked Twilight with a smirk as Sunset simply shot her a dirty look.

Up above, Sven's commentary continued "Unbelievable folks! A down and dirty red head has entered the fray and now the two women continue to doggedly pursue the sports car! Wait, what's this!? They're being over taken by some of the police! And up ahead... a blockade! Will the police be able to finally get a handle on the situation!?"

"Shit!" swore the spirit, wincing as bullets and magic were fired at her behind, but another hit of nitro and she was propelling up to crazy speeds to try and ram through! "Shit! Oh shit! Hurts so good! Come on, almost there!" said the spirit, almost sexually moaning as the needle on her speedometer climbed to the extremes.

"Quit trying to do our job assholes!" snapped Sunset, cutting ahead just at the last minute to sideswipe the sports car, sending it careening into Derpy Hooves's squad car.

"WAH! HELP!" cried the poor wall eyed woman, trying her best to correct as she was sent flying off the side of the highway, the blonde doing the smart thing of course and summoning her wings so that she could bail. Down below her car swan dived right into a flower stand where a trio of women fainted "Oops, my bad!"

However before the spirit in the car could recover, Night Glider rammed right into it's side, sending it right into the brunt of the blockade "EAT IT MOTHER FUCKER!" spat Night, gritting her teeth as more squad cars drove in, ready to ram the sports car all at once.

"Ain't that just the way. Speeding to the finish and then someone cuts you off short." scoffed Sunset, still driving towards the action and watching what should have been the sports car's demise... up until it wasn't. With a hard jerk of the wheel, the spirit used the momentum to turn around, hitting the breaks to pop a wheelie as it let a squad car hit it in the back, allowing it to use yet another squad car as a ramp to launch itself into the air.

"Ha-haaaa! Eat it you cock blockin' pigs! Ain't no one ever gonna stop me I-! Huh?" said the spirit, actually noticing the pick up truck coming towards it, with Twilight standing on top, stocking katana at the ready as she stared the sports car down. "No way... YOU THINK YOU CAN CHALLENGE ME YOU STUPID CUNT?! BRING IT ON ROAD KILL!" The two were on a collision course, the sports car ready to nose dive right on top of Twilight's head and obliterate her... up until Sunset pulled to the side and stopped short at just the right time, launching Twilight up into the air and along the side of the sports car, letting that and gravity give her enough power to sink the katana right into the sports car and cut it in half. "OH SHIT!" screamed the spirit, hitting the ground hard, bouncing and skidding off the side of the highway and into the train station...

"DID YOU GET ALL OF THAT?! TELL ME YOU GOT ALL OF THAT!" said Sven, the helicopter following alongside the pick up truck as Twilight landed in the bed of it.

"Bitchin'!" Cheered Spike with raised arms.

"Great. Now let's collect the coins and get back home, I really need some tea and a good book." sighed Twilight, glad the ordeal was over.

"You better hope my panties are okay! Those were custom designed by a cute piece of ass in Manehattan!" snapped Sunset, glancing back and seeing Twilight looking off into the distance "Are you even listening to me?"

"If we beat the spirit... then why isn't the bell ringing?" asked Twilight, looking curiously to Sunset before the two heard a noise. Behind them, with a blare of it's horn and with great speed, a train burst up from the concrete, off the rails and now on the highway as it changed after them.

"Fuck. Round two." said both women at the same time, Sunset hitting the gas as the train started to catch up.

"You two bitch nuggets thought I was done?! Not even close!" crowed the spirit, the train's paint stripping away to reveal that turquoise and gold scheme the sports car had. "And for trying to ruin my fun, I'm gonna roll right on over you two! I'll be leaving two skank pancakes on the asphalt as I really crank up the speed and show up those lame ass Wonderbolts!"

"What, you wanna keep going? You might be fast but I got the stamina bitch!" snapped Sunset.

"It's true, ask any guy or gal in this city with a pulse." scoffed Twilight.

"Fuck off! And Spike, take the wheel until Twilight gets her fat ass in here!" said Sunset, scowling as she switched placed with the young dragon and opening the passenger's side door. She motioned to the helicopter to come close before she grabbed on, pulling herself up to where Sven and the other's were, the wind making her skirt fly up and give a nice shot for the cameraman. "Hey jerkoffs! Get me on top of that train and you'll get an unforgettable climax for this piece!"

"Dude, can we air this?" asked the cameraman, catching every moment Sunset's skirt blew up.

"It's getting on the air if I have to fucking blow someone! Get close!" ordered Sven, a slightly manic and perverted grin on his face as he slapped the pilot's shoulder.

As the helicopter moved in, Twilight had finally gotten into the driver's seat of the truck, waiting for the right second to catch the spirit off guard as she hit the breaks. "Spike, make a grab for the panties!"

"Got it!" said Spike, hanging out of the passenger's seat as they hit the train and flipped backwards, flying head over ass while the young dragon reached for the panties, hanging precariously off one of the horns! ... and missed it about a foot as he fell out, his claws scrapping and finding purchase as he was so close, yet so far!

Then came Sunset's turn, the young woman jumping off and aiming for the left horn to get her panties back but ended up eating it hard, sliding down the train up until she reached out and grabbed Spike's outstretched hand. "Thanks Spike-SHIT!" she swore, the train suddenly picking up insane speeds, causing the young dragon to lose his grip as they both tumbled back further.

"Oh yeah! Faster! FASTER! C'MON BABY I'M ALMOST THERE!" shouted the spirit, starting to breath hard.

"This is out of control, when this thing crashes it's going to kill a whole lot of people! SUNSET!" cried Twilight from a ways back, the bookish mage trying to up the speed on the truck to make it to the front of the train.

"I know! I know! Fuck let me think!" Sunset called back, holding onto Spike and trying to come up with a plan. Up until the little dragon moved and caused a small 'crunch' in her jacket. The red head's face lit up with an idea before a devious smirk came to her face "Hey Spike. I just had a thought. It's not about the speed or tenacity." she said, watching as Spike's face turned from curiosity to panic when she took out her bag of habanero rainbow dipped chips. "It's about how hot they are. Let's do this!" she said, opening up the bag.

"W-Wait! No, no, no, no, no-!!!" said Spike, trying to pull back up until the back was practically shoved down his throat. Sunset pinched the poor dragon's nose so that he had no choice but to swallow what was in his mouth, finally able to breath when he spit out an empty bag.

Wait for i-

"OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOD!!!" shrieked Spike, his scales turning red as his cheeks puffed out before letting out a mighty belch of flames, propelling him and Sunset to the front of the train like a rocket. Sunset reached out and grabbed her panties along the way before chucking Spike like a football back to the truck.

"Where the fuck you goin'?!" snapped the spirit.

"Don't worry, I'm not done with your sorry ass yet!" Sunset yelled back, grabbing the panties, changing them into her signature hand gun before she fell back, slamming right into the train's windshield and cracking it.

"OH FUCKING SHIT THAT HURT!"

"Yeah, I'm done watching you try to get off. SO REPENT MOTHERFUCKER!" said Sunset, smirking as she pulled the trigger and fired multiple shots. The train exploded, pieces of corrupted train flying everywhere as Sunset was launched forward, followed by another body from the spirit's remains as they both hit the asphalt, rolling until finally coming to a stop. When the world stopped spinning for Sunset, she looked over at the blonde woman with a faux-hawk, dressed as a civilian with a Wonderbolt's t-shirt on "So what's your deal, cunt?"

Wearily raising her head up, the woman scowled at Sunset "Name's... Lightning Dust... was gonna be... fastest Wonderbolt... everrrr..." she said before finally passing out.

"Yeah well, you'll have your work cut out for you getting that title from Soarin." scoffed Sunset, standing up, brushing herself off and putting her panties back on as Twilight pulled up in the truck with Spike. She glanced down and noticed the Heaven Bits, picking them up and counting them out "Only three? Cheap slut."

"Hey, you looked like you had fun." said Twilight, Spike opening the passenger's side door and letting Sunset in before they drove off. "You seriously put the panties back on?"

"Hell yeah, not like the freak licked them or anything. And that might of been a thrill ride for you but just going fast isn't everything." said Sunset, ignoring the helicopter that flew by and a very excited/happy Svengallop, the man knowing he had the most thrilling scoop! At least until the next time this shit happened...

Meanwhile at the tree house, Luna was on her knees at the altar, doing something only done in desperate times when she couldn't think of anything else to do. And no this time there wasn't a guy standing in front of her.

"Oh sister.... WHAT THE HELL DO I DO ABOUT THESE BITCHES?!" cried Luna, putting her face into her hands. "I have no fucking idea if you'll hear this because prayer is bullshit, but you were the only one that knew how to wrangle these brats and you aren't picking up the phone! How did you do it? HOW DID YOU DEAL WITH THEM!?"

... Shall I show you?

That familiar coy voice in her head had Luna snap to attention and look around "... um. Yes?"

Are you sure? You may find my way of teaching... unorthodox.

"I DON'T CARE! I need to learn how to deal with them so they can go to Olympus and get the hell out of my life! I'll do anything!"

... anything you say? Very well then.

There was a grin to that tone that made Luna uncomfortable. And then she was struck by lightning. Breathing out some smoke, the now charred and blackened figure fell back, passed out for a few moments until they stirred. Blue eyes were replaced with pink, and the hair changed to the colors of a morning dawn but otherwise it was still Luna's body. Someone else was just in the driver's seat. Coughing and brushing herself off, Celestia grinned upon hearing her sister's outraged voice in her mind "Well, you did say anything dear sister. Consider this a small break, watch and learn." she said before glancing over to a mirror and seeing herself. "Hmmm, I'll have to get some hair dye though..."

Author's Note

So yeah I changed the episode a bit. Not to say that the bit with the ghost taking over the truck wasn't cool but that part just seemed as if it'd just drag the fanfic. So I cut it out. Badum-tssh. :trollestia:

But yeah, I figured I'd bring in Celestia this why. Why? Because amusing. XD

Diamonds AREN'T Forever

Ponyville City, a small insignificant town where the youth invest their time and effort into their popularity, especially in public high school. A most insidious place where no sane person with money would send their children, to a place of mind numbing monotony in between being thrown to the sharks of both genders that will tear you apart, such is the way of the high school hierarchy. But sometimes it takes the worst to shake it up and bring upon those poor souls at the bottom hope.

"Why are you reading 'The Old Man and the Sea'? Hemingneigh is such a bitch." said Sunset, feet up on the coffee table in the library that Twilight had nicely set up. To her left in a matching comfy looking chair was Twilight as she idly flipped a page.

"I wanted something light today. Besides, it's as good a mood piece as 'Heart of Darkness'." replied Twilight, picking her cup of tea up from the table and having a quick sip.

"Yeah but Trotrad is more interesting, at least the shit he writes about was when people really believed in triumph of the human spirit before people started getting all limp dicked and PC." said Sunset, flipping another page in her book, receiving only a small hum from Twilight as they continued to read together.

After awhile, Twilight finally broke the silence "Has Luna been acting... weird? In the past week?"

"Weird how?"

"Well, on the one day she was bitchy as usual. But then the next day she asked to see my form when I magically changed into my mage outfit."

"So?"

"She had a pad and pencil..."

"Taking notes?"

"I caught a glimpse and she'd made a highly detailed sketch."

"Huh." said Sunset, glancing up from her book and appearing to give this some thought now. "Now that you mention it, instead of bitching me out for the raver I threw two days ago, she just said to clean it up after giving me a spanking." Furrowing her brow, Sunset took a moment before asking "You think she's getting laid or found a dealer?"

"Who knows. Either way I need a shower." said Sunset, setting her book aside and standing up.

"I think I'll change into something more comfortable. There's a documentary on soon and there's a pint of double chocolate peanut butter fudge swirl calling my name." said Twilight, standing as well.

"Fatty."

"Whore."

Meanwhile down below in a first floor bathroom, a certain goddess disguised as her sister was putting the last finishing touches on her hair dye. Contact lenses were easy enough but for all the magic in the world, they didn't have a dye that could mimic her sister's shade? Well, it might not sparkly like stars in the night sky, but at least it was blue right? Celestia gave a light sigh and washer her hands, grinning as she heard her sister's voice speak up.

'This is torture and I hate you.'

'Oh come on now, I have been giving you lessons left and right this past week! Have you learned nothing, yet?' thought Celestia, tossing away the stained rubber gloves into the trash before leaving.

'I've learned you take FAR too many liberties and you can be as bad as Sunset when soliciting the just turned legal of the fairer sex!' groused Luna, who would have undoubtedly been pouting if she were in control of her body.

'If that's all you've learned then I'm afraid I'll have to spend more time teaching you.' thought Celestia, mentally giving a playful sigh as she made her way to the pew, greeting someone she had been meeting with for the past couple of days who was standing by Spike, the strange young dragon reaching up to poke at said person's thigh but having his hand slapped away repeatedly.

'Don't you have heavenly duties? I know Raven is good but she's not THAT good.'

'What do you think I do when I let you regain control for a bit? Luna, whatever you may think of me, let it not be known that I am a responsible and mature goddess.' she thought before checking her watch, humming with a big smile on her face before with a snap of her fingers, she summoned both the shower that Sunset was in and the bed that Twilight was changing on. "Good morning Sunset and Twilight." said Celestia, toning down her usual cheer and not trying too hard to cover that she was trying to check the two out. "So nice of you to join us!"

"Okay, there better be a ghost worth at least twenty Heavenly Bits down here or your ass is grass bitch!" spat Sunset, flinging back the shower curtain to glare at "Luna".

"Seriously Luna!? Why by Celestia's beard have you brought us down here?!" squeaked Twilight in an oh so adorable way as she moved fast to finish dressing.

"Now, now, settle down girls." said Celestia, leaning against the pew with her cheek against the palm of her hand. "We do indeed have a grave situation on our hands, one that threatens the very safety of Ponyville City's youth!"

"Yeah I bet." said Sunset, snapping her fingers to summon a towel so that she could start drying off. "Is it so serious it's making your fucking hair leak?" she pointed out.

"Oh nothing like that." said Celestia, waving it off and tucking her hair back over her shoulder quickly "I'd like you to meet someone." she said, stepping out of the way to reveal a smartly dressed woman with her grayish varied hued magenta hair tied back into a tight bun. "This is Abacus Cinch, the principal of Ponyville's one and only academic institution."

"Client? What, we already run out of money and we have to cater to S&M hags?" asked Sunset, snapping her fingers again to summon clean clothes and a brush.

"... if the situation weren't so dire I would walk out the door and never come back to this seedy little den." replied Cinch, face red as she managed to maintain some composure. "Now see here, students have started to go missing. The parents are worried, breathing down my neck, and it's starting to affect the reputation of my school. And after exhausting all other possible avenues, I've come here." she paused, adjusting her glasses before trying to pin the two young women down with a stare. "So, after speaking with Miss Luna, I have no choice but to believe an evil spirit may be behind it and I would like for you two to take care of it." she finished before reeling around and slapping Spike's hand off the back of her skirt.

"So... should we go to your school after hours?" asked Twilight, figuring this would be fairly cut and dry.

"Afraid not. This seems to happen more during the day, so... I've taken the liberty of arranging for you to be enrolled as seniors at the school starting today! We have the uniforms ready and everything!" said Celestia, a big smile on her face as she pulled out said uniforms. White long sleeved shirts that could show off way too much cleavage, a tie and plaid skirts that seemed just a bit too short.

"Seriously?" asked Sunset, quirking a brow at this. "And how long do we have to keep up this fucking charade? I already did my school time."

"Oh why not stay enrolled for the rest of the school year? I'm sure it would give you girls something to do!" said Celestia, eagerly handing off the two school uniforms to Sunset and Twilight. "And besides that, you hookers should do it because I said so since I am in charge. So change into the uniforms and get your god damned asses to school." she added, the most pleasant smile ever on her face.

Sunset and Twilight traded slightly suspicious looks before shrugging and headed off to change.

"N' there's still no sign o' the truck. Ah'm seriously gettin' pissed off Dash!" fumed the blonde cowgirl, dressed in the Ponyville High School section's male uniforms since they came with a comfortable pair of pants that could shield the undies from the prying eyes or the wandering hand. A sentiment shared by the rainbow haired young woman next to her... although it was more because it was too damn hard to run in a skirt without flashing everyone.

"Sounds rough AJ." said Rainbow Dash, yawning and stretching her arms above her head. "And the police haven't helped?"

"No, sum side windin' twat called Officer Night Glider keeps givin' me the brush off. Ah swear, if Ah ever find the lo' down red headed skank that what took the new truck from mah brother, Ah'm gonna-!"

The two senior's attention was cut off when a screech came from behind them, both looking in time to see a red pick up truck hopping the sidewalk and driving right into the quad just outside the main entrance. Both Applejack and Rainbow Dash gave a frightened shout before dodging off to the sides, which turned to be unnecessary when the truck power slid into a stop right in the center of the quad about a foot away from where they had been standing. The doors opened and out game Sunset and Twilight, having accessorized their outfits pretty well, Sunset showing cleavage with some nice punk jewelry (old school not the lame ass shit that passes for punk these days) and Twilight with some nice bracelets and her usual sweater vest.

Once Applejack had recovered, her eyes bugged out seeing both the truck and the low down red headed skank that had taken it "You! That's mah truck!" she barked, scrambling onto her feet and marching over to a bored looking Sunset Shimmer who was flat out ignoring her. "Ya' took that truck from mah brother! Ya' know how long mah family had to save up fer a new truck n' ya' just take it!? Ah oughta'-!"

However she was cut out when Sunset reached a hand over and placed a finger over Applejack's lips, making the blonde silent as the red head lifted up her sunglasses to get a better look at the tall, muscular young woman before her. "Mm, not bad." she said, a sexy smirk on her lips that caused all students that could see to blush. "I think we have some time before classes start for a quickie in my ride."

"Hot..." said Dash, face red as well as she watched the sultry young woman handle her best friend.

Trying to rally, Applejack pushed the finger away from her mouth and tried to soldier on "Lookie here missie! Ah ain't takin' yer crap so-"

Yet again she was rendered silent when Sunset grabbed Applejack's tie and actually yank the tall blonde so that she was stooping down below Sunset's eye level, forcing Applejack to look up and try to ignore the fact that her chin was nice and nestles against Sunset's firm, perky breasts. "You're cute so I'll let that slide, but let's make one thing clear." said Sunset, pushing her sunglasses up so that they rested on top of her head "Don't fuck with a me. M'kay?" Then she smirked before moving Applejack so that she could stand up a little straighter, their lips so close they almost brushed against one another "It'd be a shame if I had to crush you before I got a taste." Then pausing for a beast, she reached her hand up to the farmer's face and push her away "Now beat it hick, I've got work to do."

Face as red as her apples, the blonde stumbled backwards into Rainbow Dash, the athletic girl catching Applejack as they both watched Sunset and Twilight walk away, students following after "... Mother of god." uttered Dash, eyes drawn to Sunset's ample exterior as it swayed away before she pushed Applejack up and followed, the farmer begrudgingly following as well... but only because they had to get to classes soon.

"Man, the dudes and chicks here are just as thirsty as the ones back at the mage academy." said Sunset, paying little to no attention to the crowd.

"I know, and they aren't even aware of how easy you are yet." commented Twilight, pulling a small map out of the pocket of her skirt and opening it up to take a look. "Now let's see, where to start..."

"Is there any particular reason the way is blocked, darlings?" came a rather posh sounding voice from behind them. All turned to see a senior with perfectly coiffed purple hair and fair skin, sitting upon a throne being carried by half of the foot ball team with a couple other popular girls and cheerleaders surrounding her.

"Rarity..." grumbled Dash, not looking too keen on speaking with the other senior.

"Rainbow darling, I didn't see you down there. Could Applejack and yourself please clear the way? I don't want to be late for class."

"Shove it." snapped Applejack, deciding Rarity was the next best thing to take her anger out on.

"Ooo, the cowgirl has some claws." said Sunset, stepping up next to the blonde and looking over Rarity and her entourage. "So, what the fuck is this all about?"

"Mm, what's this? New faces? Well, the two of you do have the right look, especially you darling, cute in a studious sort of way." said Rarity, smirking and giving Twilight a wink, to which the mage replied with a raised brow. "I suppose since the both of you are new I can forgive your lack of knowledge. But I am the one who rules this school."

"Yeah you're not the principal." Sunset deadpanned.

"We actually met her and she's hotter." added Twilight, a statement that made Rarity's eyebrow twitch.

"Ahem. My name is Rarity. But there are those who call me Queen Rarity, your majesty or goddess." That last one actually made Sunset outright snort and Twilight cover her mouth to stifle the giggle. "If the crowd will give an example, please?" said Rarity, motioning to the crowd which started to chant her name and various monikers, but it soon halted when Sunset simply yawned.

"Whatever, I don't got time for this shit, let's go Twi." said Sunset, turning around and walking away from Rarity's entourage.

"Mm. Honestly this is starting to become cringy, she's trying far too hard to overcompensate." said Twilight, turning and walking away as well.

"What?" said Rarity, eyebrow twitching once more "I am not overcompensating for anything! And don't you dare walk out on me!"

But her warning was left unheard and throughout the rest of the week Sunset and Twilight continued their unintentional take over of the school! Between Sunset's crude, too cool attitude and Twilight's adorably bookish demeanor they left Rarity in the dust. Both guys and girls began to fawn over them, wanting to copy their style, cater for their affection and attention! Eye twitching quickly became the norm for Rarity, not believing how Sunset and Twilight were winning over both the common student and the popular ones, their insignia of sun and stars replacing her diamonds, and worst of all... TWILIGHT WOULD NOT GO OUT ON A DATE WITH HER!

"Alright listen up pud thumpers!" called coach Ironwill, pointing to the white board where he had drawn up that day's sex ed class. "All of you are far too young for sex! With all of that blood rushing and hormones racing, if ya' do it you'll die because you'll explode twice! Once in the genitals and again in the head! But if you horny maggots want to take that risk you need knowledge and proper protection!"

"Sweet, check this out." said Sunset, completely ignoring the lecture as she placed an action figure of herself on Twilight's desk, the two of course sitting next to each other in the back. "That pink haired chick and her geek friends have been making all sorts of shit like this of us. It's completely anatomically correct and very flexible."

"The Sunset Shimmer fetish action figure collection, gotta' collect 'em all." joked Twilight, not looking up from her book as she sipped from the cup of coffee they'd picked up in between classes. "You know, there is still a spirit still around abducting students."

"And we'll get to that shit." said Sunset, seeming totally unconcerned before something was passed back to her "Huh?" she asked, checking it out before seeing it was a condom, a light smirk playing on her lips as she opened the container, placed the tip of it on the end of her pencil and shot it like a rubber band at the back of Rainbow Dash's head, the young woman scowling and shooting a glare at Sunset... well, sort of a glare. It was hard to be mad when the red head was so fucking hot.

"HELP! Emergency! EMERGNECY!" cried a high pitched, hyperactive voice that busted into the classroom, a plump student with pink hair running up to Sunset and Twilight. "You two! You guys mentioned mage academy? The place with the really powerful spell casters? YOU GOTTA' HELP!" she cried, baby blue eyes watering with un-shed tears.

"Slow your roll spaz." said Sunset.

".... Pinkie Pie, right?" asked Twilight, marking her place in her book before looking at the girl. "What's wrong?"

"My friends have gone missing!" wailed Pinkie Pie, pulling out her smart phone and showing pictures of a destroyed locker with ruined Sunset and Twilight merchandise.

"Hm, could be the spirit." mused Twilight before glancing over to Sunset who gave a light shrug.

"Oooo, could be! Because my right ear was itching and I sneezed three times and my two pinkie toes hurt! That's the sure sign a spirit is around and I've been getting that feeling a lot since students started disappearing!" said Pinkie Pie.

"Riiiiight. So you can actually detect spirits?" asked Sunset with a raised brow.

"Totally! If you want we can come back tonight and track it!"

"Why tonight?" asked Twilight.

"Duh, cause that's how it happened in the TV show!" said Pinkie Pie, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Out on the football field late at night, Sunset and Twilight walked around, watching as Pinkie twitched and shook about, heading this way and that randomly. "Pinkie. Are you sure you can sense spirits or did you just snort a whole bag of sugar?" asked Sunset, growing impatient.

"Nope! I only had one tray of cupcakes before we left home!" said Pinkie Pie before pointing over to the bleachers just as spotlights went on "There!"

Up on the bleachers were a slew of football players and cheerleaders, with Rarity standing right at the top with her arms crossed. "Well isn't this delightful. And I thought I would have to wait much longer before pouncing on you two uncouth bitches." she said, smirking before snapping her fingers, causing two of the football players to step forward, holding a tied up Applejack and Rainbow Dash who struggled as hard as they could to break free. "And two of my jealous ex-friends even tagged along. The night just keeps getting better and better."

"Jealous nuthin'! Ya' turned into a right bitch when ya' let the popularity get to yer' head a month ago!" snapped Applejack.

"Pah, so you say darling. But not even you can deny how big I was, how popular, how I showered this school in my influence and spread it all over the student body!"

"Gross." deadpanned Sunset.

"But then you two came and ruined everything! And you, Twilight, you wouldn't even give me a second glance or notice my romantic advances!" fumed Rarity, fists clenched as she glared down at the two mages.

".... she's been flirting with me?" asked Twilight, clearly not recalling as she glanced over to Sunset for confirmation.

"Very well, if I haven't gotten your attention before... maybe I'll have it now!" with that Rarity jumped off into a group of football players, the burly guys throwing her up into the air where she was silhouetted by the moon as she transformed, clothes bursting as fur covered skin, ears elongating, mouth forming into a muzzle. When she landed back on the ground, she was a fully anthropomorphic canine with pure white fur, her hair still in place and a fabulous collar with diamonds embedded into it.

"... huh, that was the one thing I didn't predict, her turning into a furry." mused Sunset, taking off her panties as Twilight took off her stockings.

"True, I expected something more cliche, like a bee." agreed the nerd, katanas at the ready as they watched the rest of Rarity's pack transform as well.

"It's play time boys and girls, fetch my diamond dogs!" declared Rarity, pointing to the two mages and causing them all to charge.

"Let's finish this quickly, I should be home curled up with that new book I got in the mail." said Twilight.

"Works for me, let's put them in the dog house!" agreed Sunset, both of them jumping out of the way in time to avoid being dog piled by the foot ball players.

"Here guys!" called Pinkie Pie, having reappeared with a cart of field hockey equipment.

"That'll work. Hey guys!" called Twilight, turning the cart over and letting the balls spill out onto the field, hitting them with her katanas to send them flying and causing the foot ball players to chase after them. While they were distracted, Twilight came up and sliced into their dollars on a hunch, grinning when she saw them disintegrate and change the guys back to normal. "Thought so. Hey Sunset! Aim for the collars! It's how Rarity is controlling these guys!"

"Figures. Alright, bring it on then!" said Sunset, smirking as she charged to the cheerleaders, using impeccable aim to shoot the collars right off their necks and breaking the transformation.

"Hey! What about us!" called Dash, her and Applejack still struggling around on the ground where they'd been left. Up until Sunset shot at their bindings and freed them.

"Ya' coulda' hit us ya' jackass!" snapped the blonde before scrambling to her feet, running over to Pinkie and away from Rarity who looked to be having a tantrum.

"You two are absolutely infuriating!" cried Rarity, nearly howling as the two mages ran towards her. Snarling, she took in a deep breath before letting out an ear splitting howl. It hit the mages full force, knocking them down and nearly deafening them as their heads began to ring. Panting, Rarity growled and ran forward, leaping into the air with razor sharp claws bared, ready to slice the two young women to ribbons!

And then she had balls in her face.

"Keep swinging!" called Dash, her, Applejack and Pinkie Pie armed with field hockey sticks as they kept slapping more balls up into the air to pelt the white canine with.

Rarity landed and raised her arms to shield herself "Ow! OW! Stop that-! OUCH! You're ruining my fur!" she whined before she heard a click and something pressing to the back of her head, causing Rarity to freeze. "... um, truce?"

"Yeah no. You've been a bad bitch. NOW REPENT MOTHER FUCKER!" said Sunset, pulling the trigger and causing the other young woman to explode, the bell ringing as Rarity was turned to normal, eyes rolling into the back of her head as she fainted right then and there, caught by Twilight's arm while Sunset caught the Heavenly Bits "Only ten? What is it with these cheap ass ho's lately?"

"Hey! We found my friends! They were locked up in the sports equipment shed!" called Pinkie Pie, herding out a small group of confused nerds onto the field to join the confused jocks, muscle guys, cheerleaders and hot chicks.

"Mmm, hello smorgasm board." said Sunset, eying a few potential candidates.

"I guess you earned it. I'll clean up here." sighed Twilight, watching as Sunset went off, picking quite a few lucky guys and gals to take to the equipment shed before looking at Rarity.

"So, she normal now?" asked Dash, having watched wantingly as Sunset waltzed off with some new friends before looking to Rarity.

"She should be. I guess all that negative energy of the pressure and cut throat tactics to be popular chose her to be a host. But everything is in balance now." said Twilight, letting Applejack pick the unconscious fashionista up in her arms.

"Ah'll take 'er home then. Hopefully we cin' go back ta' being friends. Speaking o' which, yer friend ain't really-"

"YES! Oh god YES!" came a cry from the shed, making Rainbow Dash and Applejack blush while Twilight simply rolled her eyes as more touchdowns were scored.

Author's Note

I'm sorry but it's so fun writing for a pervy Celestia. :rainbowlaugh:

I don't think I could ever go as crude as in the show. Cause if you watched this episode then you know I left out some golden lines. However I dunno if it's necessary (I meant outside of when they can totally work and I can use them because why wouldn't I?) But this is also MLP, they're not quite Panty and Stocking so it's not gonna be the same.

Still, I hope my level of raunchy crudeness can satisfy you lovelies and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!

Passionate Fashion

"You've seen it on the news but now this YouHoof channel of the one and only on the edge trendsetter Trenderhoof is on full time watch for these two lovely mage extraordinaires!"

Flashes of photos and short clips of Sunset and Twilight fighting spirits, shooting and slicing, flying in the air on their wings or performing daring feats such as when they stopped the spirit train that had possessed Lightning Dust. Then the image had gone back to a well dressed, hipster looking young man with a stylish blonde coiffure and glasses.

"Now I know I hear some of you asking, 'But Trenderhoof, what is a mage and how does that differ from the typical spell caster?' Well my lovelies, I shall explain! Compared to the grounders and the fliers, the spell casters have the ability to tap into the energy around us to perform magic! Spell casters come in all shapes and sizes, basic or skilled, with strengths and weaknesses in different types of magic! Mages however seem to have no such natural limits! Their talent and skill can only grow with more study and practice! Allowing them access to the higher and more powerful forms of magic! Such as the magic that allows them to purge the evil spirits from those possessed! Like this one not too long ago!"

Another cut away showed photos of Sunset and Twilight's victory over Diamond Dog Rarity! Of course no one knew who had gotten these images or how, but it was to fucking awesome to question! Seriously don't question it.

"But of course, spirit extermination and magic doesn't seem to be the foxy redhead's only talent!"

As the video began, the viewer leaned in closer to their phone, eyes wide and starting to feel excited as moans began to fill their earbuds... right up until Applejack yanked them right out of her ears and phone, causing Sunset's breathy moan to sound out at the lunch table.

"Consarnit Dash! Turn that smut off!" snapped the blonde, blushing hard as that night on the football field flashed back into her mind. Shaking her head as the athlete blushed and fumbled to exit her phone's browser, Applejack sank back into her seat with a sigh "Seriously. Were ya' even listenin' to what Ah said?"

"Yeah! Duh!" said Dash, stalling as she scrambled to clear out the naughty thoughts and conjure up the right answer. "Uh... something about apples right?" The deadpan stare from her friend immediately brought a sheepish smile to the athlete's face.

"Ah was sayin' that Rares's been havin' it rough, so Ah invited her over ta' our table again today n' she accepted. So when she gets over, don't start no shit." repeated Applejack, pulling out a macintosh apple from a brown paper bag that had her name on it.

"What, so she's finally given up hope of getting back in with the popular kids?" asked Rainbow, taking a big bite of pastrami sandwich and ignoring the look she got from the farmer.

"... yeahhhhh, so if'n ya' could not bring that up, that'd be swell."

"Hey, don't worry about it." said Rainbow Dash, following up her bite with a swig of soda before she noticed Rarity on approach with a tray of the cafeteria's finest wilted salad as her lunch of choice for the day.

"Hello girls." said Rarity, giving a soft timid smile as she chose to take a seat next to Applejack.

"Hey Rares. How's it goin'?" asked Applejack, giving the other senior a gentle smile.

"Oh well enough. Swimmingly even. Fine." said the fashionista, her smile becoming strained as she paused for a moment "Except I'm absolutely shunned by my old circle of friends, my reputation is totally lambasted and I'm now more or less an outcast for having been possessed and kidnapped many of my fellow students." And with that, Rarity's forehead hit the table.

"... so not great." supplied Dash, who gave a shrug at Applejack's scowl "What? She opened the door..."

Shaking her head, Applejack reached over and gently patted Rarity's back "It'll get better Rares. They jes' gotta' get ya' weren't in control of yerself."

"However long that will take." mumbled Rarity, still face down but it was pretty easy to hear the pout in her voice.

"Hey, don't worry about it. At the very least Twilight doesn't seem to hate you." offered Dash.

"Really!?" said Rarity, head shooting up and a bit of hope in her voice.

"I mean, she's still indifferent to you yeah, but that means she doesn't hate you, right?" added the athlete, causing Rarity to become as wilted as her salad.

With a huff, Rarity rested her chin on her folded arms, listless for a moment until her blue eyes took a quick glance around the lunchroom "Speaking of which... where are my two heroes? They don't seem to be here and I haven't thanked them yet..." Not to say she hadn't tried before, but between the mages' fans surrounding them and keeping to themselves, it was hard to get close.

"Well Sparkle seems smart 'nough that she can come fer a bit n' afford ta' skip. Shimmer... who the hell knows." said Applejack, giving a light shake of her head.

"Oh..." said Rarity, disappointed that the adorably sexy bookish mage was not there, sitting up straight and now resting her chin on the palm of her hand. She took the time to think for a few moments more before her blue eyes lit up "Idea! I know of a perfect way to both apologize and deal with my troubles! I'll invite them over and create a new outfit for each of them! They'll absolutely adore it and if the school sees the popular school heroes wearing my brand, they're bound to be less harsh towards me and I may even start to be accepted into some social circles once again!" At this point Rarity was standing, eyes sparkling as she imagined it all, including the romantic twist "And then Twilight will be so taken by my artistic ability and skills that she'll fall in love with me! Oh I can just see it now!" Twilight would look so cute if she blushed, the bedroom eyes over a romantic candlelight dinner, then in the bedroom-

"Uhhhh, that's great and all. But you think they'll really agree to it?" asked Dash in a deadpan manner that popped Rarity's fantasy bubble.

Still, Rarity rallied and waved off Dash's words "Pish-posh. I know they'll agree to it the next time I see them in school!"

"I can't believe you agreed to this." said Twilight as she and Sunset drove through the streets, the bookish mage using her phone to give directions.

"Hey, free shit is free shit." said Sunset, giving a light shrug as she swerved around another car. "So are you going because your libido finally got a jump start?"

"Huh?" asked Twilight, looking up from her phone and seeming confused.

"Ah, just being polite then. Typical." scoffed the red head.

"Well, it would've been rude to say no when she wants to thank us for helping her." replied Twilight, giving a light shrug before looking back to her phone "And like you said, free shit is free shit."

Soon they were parked outside of Rarity's house, a two story building with a shop at the bottom. "Carousel Boutique? It looks like a kid friendly whore house." commented Sunset, stepping out with Twilight as the bookish mage gave a light snicker.

The door gave a chime when they entered and the clothing inside was passable for the most part. Twilight seemed to find what she saw over all pleasant while Sunset found it a bit too cutesy and "high fashion" for her tastes. They didn't have to wait long since soon Rarity came from the back, a cute pair of red glasses on her eyes as she gave them a smile "Right on time! So good to see you girls again! Come, come!"

"What, not even a drink first?" snickered Sunset, her remark going unnoticed as Rarity ushered them further into the shop.

"First, measurements." said Rarity, taking out a measuring tap and ready to get to work up until Twilight fished out a paper from her pocket.

"We already got them."

"Huh? Who took them?" asked Rarity, confused and feeling a tad disappointed.

"Our guardian Luna apparently. And they're very... detailed." said Twilight, opening the paper and blushing as she noticed a couple measurements in particular.

"Yeah... still not sure when she took them." mused Sunset with a light shrug.

"I see. Well, in either case as detailed as they may be." said Rarity, taking the piece of paper and blushing heavily when she noticed the same particular measurements as Twilight. "I cannot be sure if they are correctly, so I'd still like to go over the both of you myself. How about you first, Twilight?" asked Rarity with a flirtatious smile.

"Alright, anything in particular I need to do?" asked the bookish mage.

"Just stand over here, arms out, feet apart." said Rarity, directing Twilight to a small round podium.

"And take your clothes off." suggested Sunset, having taken a seat in a chair and snickering when she saw Rarity's face light up.

"What?" asked Twilight, head snapping over to Sunset and looking confused.

"She can't get accurate measurements with your clothes on. It's how they do it, right Rarity?" asked Sunset, shooting the fashionista a smirk, just daring her to take the opportunity.

After a few moments where her mind went to very naughty places, Rarity finally fought down the blush and cleared her throat "Yes, well... Sunset is indeed correct. For the most accurate measurements your clothing must be off. Although you may keep the underwear on."

Tilting her head slightly and staring at Rarity for a moment, Twilight finally shrugged before she began to remove her clothing. The sight immediately brought the blood rushing to the fashionista's face and she swore she nearly passed out when the mage bent over ever so slightly when taking her skirt off. Twilight wasn't a curvy woman but that cute little butt, those perky breasts.... between that nice black bra and panties with the striped stockings... IT WAS TOO CUTE FOR WORDS! Fighting off a swooning spell, Rarity managed to only squeak once as she said "Very good. Now if you would please, on the podium." Just as her shaking hands were ready to commence the first measurement, the door chimed, signaling someone had come in.

"H-Hello? Rarity?" came a soft, timid voice.

Pausing, Rarity's eyes then widened as she said "Oh dear! I forgot to tell Fluttershy I was moving our tea time to another date!" Pocketing the measuring tape, she moved to get a bathrobe to put over Twilight, but a slender young woman with long pink hair and soft turquoise eyes stepped further into the boutique, dressed in a simple long sleeved shirt and knee length skirt with knee length boots.

Of course upon seeing that Rarity was with a customer who was in a state of undress, Fluttershy's eyes widened and she tried to hide behind her long bangs as she squeaked out "O-OH! Y-You're with another one of your special customers! I'm so sorry! I-I'll just-"

"Oh no, no, no darling! Not at all!" said Rarity, putting the bathrobe over Twilight's shoulder with some disappointment before going over to her friend. "It was my fault, I forgot to tell you I was going to make some lovely new outfits for my new friends." Placing an arm over the shy girl's shoulders, Rarity pulled the other in and began introductions "Everyone, this is Fluttershy. She's one of the few friends I managed to hold onto while I was possessed. Fluttershy, this is Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle."

As cute as this newcomer was, what really caught Sunset's attention was Twilight's reaction. The introverted woman was actually blushing. She had snapped the robe closed as she stared at Fluttershy, looking like her brain had just shut down. With a shake of her head, Sunset stood and walked over, slapping Twilight on the back to force the words out "Hello!" Twilight finally got out, coughing a bit afterwards, clearing her throat before saying in a more normal tone "Hi, it's nice to meet you, Fluttershy."

"H-Hello, it's nice to meet the both of you." said Fluttershy, still trying to hide behind her long hair but she managed up the smallest, cutest smile that caused all of Twilight's face to go red as steam seemed to come out of her ears.

Of course this reaction didn't go by unnoticed by Rarity, whose pleasant disposition had become quite strained "... yes. Well, I'll just go whip us up some tea real quick then, shall I? I'll leave the lot of you to get acquainted with each other." With that she quickly scurried to the back where her kitchen was and went about quickly boiling water, growing more and more annoyed as she heard voices come from the main shop. Every time a soft, too hard to make out voice spoke, Twilight's slightly louder voice would nervously laugh or say something that lead Rarity to believe that she was fully enraptured by Fluttershy.

As she boiler the water, her cat Opalescence came into the kitchen, jumping onto the kitchen table and meowing, wanting attention. "Oh. I know I shouldn't take it too seriously, Opal." sighed Rarity, not noticing the look from her pet that clearly said "feed me". "I mean, it's not as if Fluttershy did that on purpose, making Twilight infatuated with her. It's like when she had the boy I was interested in fawning over her at the coffee shop. Or how she totally caught Photo Finish's attention away from my fabulous garments the one time and was offered a modeling job." Thinking about all the times she had completely been passed over for her friend was making that green monster rear it's ugly head. Just when she'd thought she'd finally put it to rest... at this point Opal's whining was frequent, loud and incessant while she spoke.

"And it's not as if I'm not a catch." she said, giving a small flip of her hair as the steam started to build in the tea kettle. "After all, I am beautiful, witty, well mannered, graceful, I have a craft I'm very good at. Yes I certainly am quite the woman. A woman that should be able to grab the attention of any I desire. Except Twilight apparently. No matter how hard I try without practically grabbing her and kissing her in public! I mean, it shouldn't have to come to that! I should have caught her attention now! I'm a highly desirable young woman so why doesn't she fucking notice-?! AND SHUT UP OPAL!" Finally she snapped and chucked the box of tea bags at Opal with such force it knocked the white cat to the floor behind the table, out of sight.

".... oh dear. Opal?" said Rarity, having snapped out of her momentary rage as she tentatively approached the table. "... Opal? Are you alright?" She paused and immediately started to break into a sweat when the white cat pulled itself up, shooting her a glare that she'd seen plenty of time before. "O-Opal, darling, I didn't mean to-" The cat was back on the table, walking to the edge as her long, sharp claws came out. "Really we can talk about this!" And then the cat pounced.

"WAH-HA-HAAAAAA!"

Minutes later Rarity would come out with a tray, tea, cups, sugar, cream, looking the worse for wear with scratch marks on her face, hair messed up and rips in her clothing. "R-Rarity? Are you okay?" asked Fluttershy, placing a hand over her mouth upon seeing the fashionista's state. She was sitting next to Sunset while Twilight stayed sitting on the small platform, Sunset snickering while Twilight gazed curiously to Rarity.

"Quite darling, just another spat with Opal." said the young woman, giving a smile before setting the tray down on a table near Sunset and Fluttershy's seats. "Now, shall we continue Twilight?" she said, cheerfully picking back up and getting back to work. After her outburst in the kitchen, she managed to keep it together well enough throughout the rest of Twilight's fitting, working fast as she sketched up the idea, showed it to Twilight and found the perfect mannequin that was approximate to Twilight's size. However she almost snapped again when she tended to Sunset, Twilight was sitting next to Fluttershy, talking to her and sounding like she had a crush in her own cute, bookish way.

However this would not defeat her, no. When all three had gone, she threw herself into her work! Especially on Twilight's dress. Rich fabrics of blue with a slightly dark purple under blend, to look like the night sky, stars stitched in by hand that looked as if they could twinkle and shine! The shape, pleasing to compliment Twilight's body shape! Days were spent without rest, sometimes she might even forget to eat! But she would absolutely not skip showering or her beauty treatment, she wasn't crazy after all. When both were finally finished after a week, Rarity stepped back to see her work. Sunset's came out very well, like a sunset had been captured on a voluptious, pleasing, curvy form of a dress that no man could resist. But Twilight's... Twilight's was everything she had hoped it would be and more!

Rarity stepped back and wiped her forehead, admiring her works from a few feet away. There was a small rumbling that was growing louder but she supposed it was simply her stomach. But eating could wait, these were masterpieces, they were perfect! They were-!

And then part of the top floor of her building was taken out, the two dresses lost as a large, lizard-like drake with black lines and an orange mo-hawk and horrendous under bite slammed it's claw through, the two dresses lost who knows where as the spirit launched off her building onto a larger one. Rarity could only stare at where the dresses had been, eye twitching uncontrollably for a moment before stopping, her hand moving and glowing blue as she pulled her upstairs work room fainting couch over to her. Then she calmly sat down, took a deep breath...

".... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

"Rarity..... Rarity?.... Rarity wake up!"

The fashionista woke with a start, blinking and noticing that it was night now. She could tell because that big, gaping hole on the top floor of her shop was still there. With a groan, she covered her eyes with an arm "Whoever you are, leave me! For I am dead!"

"... dead?" asked a voice next to the first.

"Yes. Tragedy has struck! The dressed I've been working on are... are... THEY'RE GONE!" wailed Rarity, rolling over onto her stomach and starting to bawl her eyes out. She heard the two voices next to her speak, they actually sounded a little familiar, before a pair of foot steps walked away. Then she felt a hand rubbing her back, it felt rather nice...

"Rarity? C'mon it's not so bad, Sunset is going to go take a look for your dresses, we might be able to fix them up..."

Wait, Sunset? Then... "Twilight?!" squeaked Rarity, pulling out of her funk as she turned back around, feeling her heart start to race upon seeing the gallant, bookish mage lean over her.

Twilight had a soft, gentle smile on her face and was looking Rarity over to make doubly sure she was okay. "How do you feel? And uh, sorry about the spirit..."

"O-Oh, no worries! None at all." said Rarity, feeling giddy that the other as concerned for her. But that was quickly blunted when she got a better look around, sighing as she saw that not only was her work room exposed and a mess but her bedroom as well. Thank the goddess that Sweetie Belle was not over for a visit "Although... I have quite the mess on my hands."

"Yeah, you do." said Sunset, hoping back up through the hole, levitating two mannequins with dirtied, ruined dresses behind her.

"Utterly ruined..." said Rarity, looking utterly devastated that all of her hard work was for not.

"Not necessarily." said Twilight, standing up with a nod to Sunset as magic started to envelope one hand on each of them. With a snap, the dirt and grime was taken away and while the tears were not mended, the dresses were as flawless as when Rarity had finished. "Oh wow, Rarity, these are our dresses?" said the bookish mage, in awe as she moved forward to better check out her dress.

"Yeah, gotta' say I can see myself rocking this and getting some good game." said Sunset, giving an approving nod and a smirk.

That made all of the tension lift from Rarity's shoulders, the young woman sighing as she leaned back on her couch "Good. I'm glad you both like them! As soon as I fix up those tears they're all yours!"

Pausing, Twilight pulled back and looked around at the destruction "... that wasn't part of the deal though." Both Sunset and Rarity gave her questioning looks, prompting her to go on "Well, you offered to make the dresses for free, so fixing them seems like extra. And for something like this... maybe... we could help getting you some how?"

Taken aback by the kind gesture, Rarity gave a small shake of her head "Oh, no, lately I filed to update my insurance in case of spirit damage, I should be fine. I... I can simply move down to the lower section, I have to make sure nothing happens to my shop after all. Move all my things..."

"Then let us help." said Twilight, earning a look from Sunset that the mage promptly ignored. It only took minutes for the mages to move everything and get it squared away so no one could come in through the hole in the second floor to steal things. By the end of it Rarity was so touched that she gave them both a hug. Her hug with Twilight lasting noticeably longer and having some nuzzling added in.

"Unless you're going to fuck, hurry up Sparkle!" said Sunset, having finished her good deed for the year as she headed out to the truck.

Rolling her eyes, Twilight looked to Rarity and gave her a smile "Sorry about her. But I guess we'll see you at school tomorrow Rarity?"

"Yes, undoubtedly." said Rarity, seeing Twilight to the door and watching the two drive off before she closed shop and headed into the kitchen to sleep. While it didn't go how she had intended, it wasn't a bad outcome at all. Twilight had been so caring and sweet! Not only making sure she was okay but also helping to move her things and that sweet smile! With a wave of her hand, she pulled her kitchen fainting couch out and promptly fell onto it, intent on dreaming of the dreamy, gallant bookish mage.... up until she heard a cat shriek and something fluffy like a cat beneath her.

"... oh dear- WA-HAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Author's Note

So yeah, no Sex in the Daten City. I know PSG is supposed to be random as fuck but I guess I'm going for more structure.

Maybe a little on the light side as far as crude goes but eh, needed some character development and such. Hope you liked it.

Also hope you like the new cover art replacing that shitty old one. XD

Mage Fight!

Friendship, it's always a funny thing. Started either from common interests, necessity, for the benefits, an alliance for vengeance or just simply whatever. One day it can be all sunshine and fucking if you're friends with benefits or it can be a storm of pissy fighting and hate fucking. Depending on if you're into that of course. The point being that like any relationship, the status can change on the dime for just about any reason...

Inside the large oak tree that the mages Twilight, Sunset and their guardian Luna (still possessed by Celestia by the way) shared, there was an enormous clatter. Twilight had torn through her library (careful of the books of course) before she went through the rest of the house, looking in the refrigerator, under her bed, even in all of the bathrooms, growing more and more agitated as her search turned fruitles. "No.... No. No! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she finally cried out, standing up from checking under the couch, hands on her head.

"My hangover is saying you're too fucking loud." grunted Sunset, sitting on said couch and taking a big gulp of coffee as she watched Twilight pace about. "Or are you finally so sexually repressed that you went insane? If so, can you take it to your room? Or go find someone to fuck?"

"My book is gone goddess dammit!" swore Twilight, turning to face Sunset and making a motion with her arms as if to mime it out "MY. BOOK! It's a special ordered first edition book of Starswirl the Bearded's theory on magical portals through time and space! I rented it from Olympus's heavenly library! Do you even know how fucking long it takes to get a book on loan from there if you're not living in Olympus or even a demi-god?!"

".... and?" asked Sunset, reclining further on the couch and having another swig of coffee.

"... do you know where it is?" asked Twilight, her eyes narrowing as she studied the red haired mage.

"Why would I?"

"Sunset I'm serious! I haven't even gotten on my second read through yet! And do you have any idea of the fine I'll get if something happens to it?!"

"Well... there was this gray-blue book on the coffee table. I put my mug down on it and there was a ring, I told Spike to go clean it up." said Sunset with a shrug.

"WHAT?!" gaped Twilight, a ping coming from behind them and causing her to turn. The oak tree was also outfitted with an old fashioned elevator, the gated metal door of it sliding open as the boy with the green mohawk walked into the living room, holding up a book that was old and taken care of... except for the front that was wet from water damaged. And still had the coffee ring on it.

"Hey Twilight! Sorry Sunset, couldn't get it out. I would've asked Twilight or Luna, but Twilight was looking for something and Luna went to the front door just now..." he said, beaming and happy as he held out the book. Twilight reached out and took it with shaking hands, her head filling with the numbers of the fine she was going to receive.

"... whoops." said Sunset cooly, going to finish her coffee when Twilight reached over and slapped it right out of her hand. "What the fuck?!"

"Mother bitch Sunset! HOW COULD YOU!?" snapped Twilight, slamming the book down on the side table next to the couch, glaring at the other mage. "I know it's a long night being a slut and waking up hung over but you can fucking see the book before you set your coffee down!"

"Well excuse the fuck out of me, but it's just a damn book, not the end of the world." growled Sunset, headache rearing it's ugly head again as Twilight bitched her out.

"Dammit Sunset you're not the one that has to pay a fine! ARGH! Why are you such a bitch!? I mean yeah you were bitchy before but ever since we came here your attitude has been fucking rotten! You leave everything in a mess, you can't give a fuck about anything unless you can actually fuck it! I mean come on!" said Twilight, hands clenched, pissed and weeks of built up frustration coming to the surface.

"Hey at least I get exercise instead of being cooped up all day with books like some shut in!" Sunset snapped back, her hang over now saying that she'd had it up to here with Twilight's ranting. "Look, I'll buy you a new fucking book if you're tits are in that much of a twist over this, but don't take it out on me if you're not getting any action!"

"As if that has anything to do with it!" Twilight snapped back before crossing her arms "Besides, I so could have gotten some action from that Thunderlane guy you brought back a week ago."

"... what's that supposed to mean?" asked Sunset, eyes narrowing slightly.

"He was up after you passed out that night. Even I had to look up and take notice when he practically started throwing himself at me. Must not of been too thrilled after having his fun with you." said Twilight, petulantly deciding to go there and receiving results as Sunset glared at her, neither paying attention that right outside the window, dark clouds were gathering and thunder was starting to sound.

"Tch, oh yeah? Then maybe I should switch it up. Go for someone softer, shyer... I think I might just give Fluttershy a call and show her a real good time!"

As for Spike the dragon boy had been standing around, picking his nose as he watched the two bicker. At least up until a bolt of lightning teleported through the roof and hit him, shocking the boy and making him belch out some smoke.

Then Twilight did a back flip, pulling off both of her stockings and turning them into katanas "You keep your dirty hands off Fluttrshy!" she shouted, armed and ready to fight.

At the same time, Sunset had her underwear off and in gun form, aimed right at the other mage "Then shut the hell up!"

However before things could really get fun, the elevator pinged again, three figures stepping out of the elevator this time, one being Celestia in the driver's seat of Luna's body, Applejack and Rainbow Dash. The two high school seniors had varying degrees of discomfort shown on their faces, Applejack stoic but annoyed and Dash looking perturbed. Both of Celestia's arms were around their shoulders in a way that should have looked like a friendly gesture, but really...

"Hey guys!" piped up Dash, looking relieved to see the two mages, even if they looked ready to kill each other. "We uh, just came over to hang out. We would've been here sooner but your uh, guardian took us the scenic route through her bedroom..." The rainbow haired athlete's back stiffened as Celestia's hand moved down from her shoulder to her hip. Applejack had already slapped the other away before it reached it's target.

"It was certainly nice meeting you~" said Celestia, a flirtatious smile on the face. "And remember. I am single and looking to mingle." she said, giving a wink to the athlete before she moved past the two, giving Spike a quick slap on the back to make him hack up the piece of paper. She picked it up and looked it over "Hmm, alright mages, it looks like our clue for the next ghost is 'double'. Let's go!" Her cheer was cut short as she noticed Twilight and Sunset weren't going anywhere, Sunset back on her spot on the couch and Twilight sitting in a chair, both sulking. "Um, girls? This should be the part where you two go to your truck and whisk off to battle. Is something wrong?" she asked, raising a brow as she observed the two.

"Yeah, Twilight is being a bitch." scoffed Sunset, reaching for the remote so she could flip on the channel. "I'm not going anywhere with her."

"Fine by me." grumped Twilight, standing up and head over to the elevator, hen she paused and gave it some thought before grabbing Applejack, the farmer looking quite confused. "Come on, I'll need some help and I know I'll be able to handle this faster than if I was working with Sunset!" Although really she just wanted someone to just bitch to on the drive over.

"Oh yeah? Well that's fine by me! Let's just see you get anything done without me. Besides, at this point I'd rather hang out with rainbow girl any day over you!" said Sunset, pointing to Rainbow Dash who looked rather excited at the prospect of spending some one on one time with the sexy, firey mage. "So don't fuck with me, bitch!"

"Don't fuck with me either, whore." retorted Twilight, closing the gated door of the elevator so that she and Applejack could go on their way, leaving a still pissed Sunset behind.

"Um..." said Dash, running a hand through her hair and trying to look suave as fuck. "Did you mean what you said? That you'd wanna hang out with me?"

Glancing back over to Dash, Sunset replied "Who the fuck are you again?" Then she rolled her eyes upon seeing the athlete pout and look down "Come on, we got shit to do." Pulling on her leather jacket over her t-shirt, the red head lead the way down the stairs to the garage, wishing she'd been able to finish her coffee but finding other ways to amuse herself. "So, you wanna find a nice place along the way to fuck now or later?"

"W-What?" blushed Rainbow Dash, eyes widening before she asked "... really?"

"Mm, nah." replied Sunset, smirking as she opened the door to the garage. And found the truck was gone. "Mother fucker..."

"I swear to the goddess she's gotten unbearable!" snapped Twilight as she drove the truck, not really knowing where she was going but not caring much. "I mean, she reads books too! She knows better than to just set a drink down on a book like it's a goddamned coaster! What was she thinking!?"

"Uh, ya' mind slowin' down?" asked Applejack, buckled in, one hand grabbing the seat beneath her and the other on the 'oh shit' handle above the passenger's side door as they tore through the streets.

"I mean, I know this situation sucks! I wasn't happy either when Celestia sent us here instead of letting us into Olympus, I was so looking forward to that Olympian library! But you don't see me acting like an apathetic cunt! Why can't she just make the best of it?"

"Pedestrians!" yelped Applejack, pulling her hat down over her eyes, only looking when it didn't feel like they ran anyone over.

"And she used to be so much fun too. I mean, yeah she still partied and had intercourse a lot but we got along and we used to do more things together. I mean yeah not a lot because I was reading a lot but when we went to parties it was a lot of fun, or go driving, or-"

"PULL BAKC IN! YA' CAN'T BEAT THAT ONCOMIN' TRUCK!" cried Applejack, curling up with her hands over her head as Twilight gunned it and just barely missed clipping said truck. The blonde just about collapsed in her seat as Twilight finally pulled over, the farmer fighting to unbuckle herself before kicking the door open and falling out onto the sidewalk. "Oh sweet Goddess..."

Getting out of the car as well, Twilight came around and sat on the sidewalk next to Applejack "I don't know, what do you think?"

"Ah think yer' nuts!" griped Applejack, finally pushing herself up to her feet after her heart rate dropped back to more normal ranges and brushed off her clothes, grimacing upon seeing where they were "Great..."

Looking up, Twilight saw they were at some outdoor market sort of area but in a more seedier side of town. Things that weren't just selling junk were peddling more unsavory wares that really should've been sold more in the backrooms of shops. "So they're just allowed to that stuff out here?"

"Afraid so. Ponyville City's red light district is like the wild west. Guess the mayor's thought is that if'n they can be contained by bein' free
here, they won't feel they gotta' go to the rest of the city. However that works." sighed Applejack, adjusting her hat as she looked at a couple of vendors. "Looks like a sale this month, half off..."

"...and double your value." mused Twilight, tapping her chin before nodding "Might as well check this place out, it could be connection to the clue."

"Ya' sure 'bout that?" asked Applejack, looking as if she'd rather go just about anywhere else than in the red light district's open air market.

"It's about the best lead we got so far." replied the mage with a light shrug of her shoulders. With a little more prodding she got Applejack to go with her, looking among the vendors and seeing if any of them looked more evil spirit possessed than the others. So far there was no luck but Twilight was distracted when she came upon a vendor that sold books! Sure they were mostly dirty books but one never knew if there were any signed first editions or oddities at the bottom of the piles!

"Ahhhh, a connoisseur of the written word I see?"

She glanced up to see two dashing men, dressed similarly in blue and white striped shirts, brown slacks with bow ties and boater hats to match. Both took off their hats at the same time, showing the two had red hair white white stripes that was slicked back but one had a fine mustache on his face "Greetings Miss! I'm Flim!" said the non-mustached one "I'm Flam!" said the other before at once they said "And we're the Flim Flam brothers!"

Such fancy smut peddlers. And so on the nose too. "Um, nice to meet you." said Twilight, giving a polite smile before shifting aside some more books. "You certainly have some... interesting things here, but I don't think there's anything I would want."

"Ahhh, I see. Perhaps you'd like something a bit more, upscale perhaps?" mused Flim, stroking his chin.

"Something perhaps, first edition? Something less common?" added Flam with a grin before motioning to the boxes in the alleyway behind them. "We have plenty more back here young lady! If you'll take a moment."

Sketchy as fuck to say the least, but Twilight figured it was at the mouth of the alleyway and that she could take care of herself. She was directed to a boxed but the flaps seemed stuck, so with a little muscle she finally opened it! Only to have triggered some sort of trap since a large puff of powder was thrown in her face, stinging her eyes and making her sneeze. It was distracting enough she didn't notice that Flim and Flam's skin turned dark, the two brothers becoming more spirit like as Flim raised a knife.

"Twilight! Watch out!" called Applejack, having kept an eye on her since she didn't trust those Flim Flam brothers (they actually tried to swindle granny out of the deed to Sweet Apple Acres in exchange for a couple boxes of those dirty books!). So she charged in like an angry bull, bowling the spirits over and sending them all tumbling down into the alleyway.

When the brothers came to a stop, Flim had managed to pin Applejack down, knife to her throat as he sneered "You're that brat from the farm! We had to keep peddling these crappy books after you sunk our plans to go straight!"

"By takin' mah family farm?!" Applejack replied back incredulously but unable to argue much more as she felt the knife edge against her neck.

By now Twilight had managed to get the stinging powder out of her eyes and saw what was going on, her hands took off her stockings, twin katana ready to strike when Flim and Flam pulled Applejack to her feet "I don't think so little Miss Mage! Not unless you want to risk your friend's life!" crowed Flim, smirking when Twilight paused "Good, now-"

"Duck Sparkle!"

On instinct Twilight ducked just as a motorcycle drifted into view of the alleyway, Rainbow Dash driving while Sunset stood up top, aiming her gun and shooting the knife out of Flim's hand. While Dash kept skidding off to the side and crashed into one of the vendors, Sunset had jumped off and joined Twilight in the alleyway. "I knew you needed me. Just stand back and I'll take care of this Twilight."

"What?! I was going to be fine, I didn't need your help!" protested Twilight, glaring a bit at Sunset.

"Uh, guys?" said Rainbow Dash, having managed to pull herself out of the crash and walk over to the alleyway, trying to tug the helmet off of her head.

"You're such a fucking liar! That spirit had a knife to blondie's neck and you were just standing around." scoffed Sunset, crossing her arms as she and Twilight locked gazes. "So much for being able to do better without me, huh?"

"Why you-!" began Twilight, gritting her teeth.

"ALRIGHT THAT'S 'NOUGH!" shouted Applejack, pulling her arms back and elbowing the Flim Flam brothers so hard they were sent flying down to the other side of the alleyway as the farmer stalked forward. "Both of ya' are actin' like fuckin' children when ya' got spirits ta' exterminate!"

"Oi, like this involves you cowgirl!" snapped Sunset.

"It does when Ah get dragged inta' this thing n' Ah have ta' hear how ya' been pissy cause ya' been denied goin' ta Olympus, but ya' shouldn' be takin' it out on Twilight!" continued on Applejack, well and truly pissed by this point. "So jes' say yer sorry n' make up already!"

And of course the red headed mage replied as thus "Nah." Pure petulance.

"Why did I expect anything different? Like you fucking care." groused Twilight.

"Uh, guys?" said Dash, interrupting a new argument as she pointed to the end of the alleyway. It was at that point that the buildings were pushed to the side, revealing a large wood and metal mech operated by the spirit possessed Flim Flam Brothers.

"How do you like, Applejack? BEHOLD! Our Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 is reborn after you quashed our plans to run an apple farm! Now it's the Terrific Terrible Titan 10000!" said Flam, twiddling his mustache evilly before both he and Flam got back on the controls, causing the two long pipe arms to shoot out as large barrels for fists were set to ram right into the group. Immediately the mages got in front of Dash and Applejack, throwing up shields that offered protection but no grounding as the force sent the four young women flying back. But while the athlete and the farmer were able to get out of the way, Sunset and Twilight were pounded into the ground by a pummeling of blows from the machine.

"Ha-ha! See the power of our brotherly teamwork? You foolish mages never stood a chance!" crowed Flim, flexing his arms as he saw Sunset and Twilight just lying there in the crater.

"I simply can't understand why anyone would be afraid of them brother! All bark and no bite from a virgin book worm and a red head with parental issues!" continued Flam.

While the brothers continued their gloating, Sunset glanced over to Twilight "So... these pricks are annoying."

"Very much so..." agreed Twilight, turning her head to glance back at the other "Truce?"

"Truce." said Sunset, her smirk matched with Twilight's as they both suddenly shot to their feet and shouted at the same time "SO LET'S KILL 'EM!"

They took the Flim Flam brother completely off guard when they jumped at the same time, hitting the mech in the middle and sending it falling back onto it's ass. "Shit! Brother quick!" called Flim, pressing buttons and getting the mech back on it's feet.

"I'm on it brother!" called Flam, pulling some levers and causing an arm to shoot out right at Sunset. The red head jumped high and over the fist as it hit the ground, continuing her run up the arm towards Flam, striking him right in the face and sending him up into the air where she jumped after and continued the pummeling before landing a shot right in the spirit's chest.

"Sunset's strength..."

At the same time Flim tried to move the mech to tackle Twilight, but the mage channeled magical energy into her katanas, sending waves of magic as sharp as her blades to not only slice through the mech but into Flim himself.

"Twilight's technique... separate they're strong enough, but their true power shines through when they work together! They are the mages, Sunset and Twilight!"

"That's nice... but how'd you get here Luna?" asked Rainbow Dash, staring at the arm around her shoulders again.

"N' get yer' hand offa' mah ass!" snapped Applejack, just as the mech and the brothers exploded, the two men landing on the ground, singed, unconscious, but otherwise fine as two Harmony Bits fell to the ground at Sunset and Twilight's feet, each picking up one.

"As the goddess says, I have been and always shall be, your friend." quoted Celestia with a nod.

"... isn't that from a movie?" asked Dash.

As the bell from their oak tree house rang in the distance, signaling the vanquishing of another spirit, Twilight and Sunset made their way to the truck, Sunset leaning out the passenger's side window as she asked Applejack and Dash "So since rainbow girl's bike got wrecked, you two need a ride or what?"

However before either of them could answer, two hands grasped their shoulders and pulled them back, Celestia giving a rather bright smile on Luna's face "Oh don't you worry about them. You two head home now on your own, I'll make sure these two are taken care of~" she said, in a way that made both Dash and Applejack's eyes widen slightly. Soon Twilight and Sunset had peeled out of there, leaving Celestia to start guiding the two high school seniors down the sidewalk "Well that was exciting, how about we grab a bite to eat along the way? The food is delicious at the Pink Kitty club." she said, licking her lips in a way that made the two young woman think she wasn't talking about food in the traditional sense.

Meanwhile as the two mages drove away with the evening sun to the side of them, Sunset reached into her pocket and took out her Harmony Bit "Here... you can put it towards that fine you're going to get. And I got some extras saved up to help you start paying it off."

"... really?" asked Twilight, surprised but taking the bit that was offered to her.

"Yeah." said Sunset, continuing to stare ahead as they drove on, things quiet for a bit. "... I didn't really mean to wreck your book. I was just careless. It sucks being here. I mean it's kinda fun but it sucks, you know?" sighed the mage, resting her cheek against her fist.

"Yeah, I know." said Twilight, voice soft. "But... as sad as it is, you've been my longest and only friend, I don't want this to wreck that."

"It won't." assured Sunset, then a smirk coming to her face as she glanced over "But that is very fucking sad. Nerd."

"Whatever, jerk." said Twilight, smiling as she flashed back to when they first met as children. Afterwards they continued driving back on towards home, the quiet much more warm and tension-less between them now.

Author's Note

Alliteration is hard but so worth it. XD

And woo! Another chapter! Admittedly it's not that astounding, the one before this was more or less halfway done but put on the back burner for awhile. XP

Anywho enjoy the mild insanity and see you next chapter!

Saving Ryan's Privates

June 15th, XXXX,

It feels like an eternity has passed and still no sign of our boys returning home. It's so long, it's been so hard on all of us to wait for their return. I can't remember specifically what they look like, but I can recall how big and strapping they were, hard working men, sticky and just a bit salty from the hard work they put in. While they've been away we have been hard at work building once again, so that when they come home on that engorged vessel, throbbing with power and the head parting the waves into port, the first thing the boys will see after us is that perfect round structures, ready to be inhabited as new life is started.

She paused in her writing, hearing a signal sound through the streets. The button had been pressed! Repeatedly! It wasn't a drill! She closed her diary and smoothed her dress, a wonderful little number, pre-war chic, before she ran out of her apartment and headed to the streets with other females. After freshening up each month, they worked tirelessly on new batches, waiting with bated breath to see if their boys would come home so they could guide them to new life! They made it to the port and waited by the docks Muff City of , a bright light in the sky dimmed as-yes! It was the vessel! It looked so long and big! They didn't doubt that a whole bunch of sea men were coming!

She was excited as anyone else, shielding her eyes to get a better look-! Wait... something was wrong. The color... the shine... and it was...
humming? It was a decoy! Everyone cried out as they fled the docks, taking cover as what started off as subtle vibrations began to rock the city! The enemy's weapon had returned and as it swept back and forth, buildings began to collapse, pipes were burst as water sloshed onto the streets, everything getting wetter! It all built up until finally there was a great big flood! The water meant to nourish their boys wasted as it flooded out beyond the port and away to places beyond! With it's purpose fulfilled, the enemy vessel receeded, leaving the females to pick up the pieces and look to the batch they'd made, thinking that once more when that certain time of month rolled around, their hard work would be for not...

However as she went home and picked through the fallen clutter to find her diary, a resolve gripped her. In order for their boys to come...
something had to be done.

Meanwhile that morning in Ponyville City, the local milk woman was making her rounds. Daisy Jo was going at a good click down the road in her car, crates of milk in the back, ice cold and ready to be delivered. The curly haired, middle aged woman was just about to a familiar tree house when she spotted something up ahead. The brunette squinted her eyes before they snapped wide shut when she saw it was that boy with the green mohawk! Just-! Just sitting in the middle of the road and taking a nap! Daisy honked her horn, loudly and repeatedly, which seemed to wake him up but now he was just staring, wide eyed and screaming! NOT GETTING OUT OF THE WAY!

"OH DEAR GODDESS-!" cried Daisy, slamming on the brakes and trying to turn to get out of the way, a couple of loose bottles in the crates flying forward her into wind shield, shattering and spraying white all over Daisy and the inside of her car. But it was no use! Her bumper hit the boy right in the head, sending him flying right into the mail box and causing it to bend and warp from the force before Spike hit the ground, not moving.

Once the car had stopped, the hefty woman scrambled out of the car and over to the bleeding boy "Oh goddess! Oh goddess! Oh goddess! Are you still alive?!" she said, picking Spike up in her arms, panicking more when his eyes weren't opening. She reached for her cellphone in her pocket when she paused, an icky shiver running up her spine when she suddenly felt a tongue lapping at her cheek.

"Tasty... gimme more of your milk." said Spike, forehead still bleeding and starting to mix in with the milk on Daisy but the crazy boy had a grin that reallly shouldn't of been on the face of a ten year old.

Meanwhile inside the tree house, Sunset and Twilight were in the kitchen, the former pouring a bowl of cereal while the latter was having some toast and reading the morning newspaper. They didn't even blink when they heard a loud shriek from outside and the sound of a car screeching off down the street. "Finally... the milk lady is late." said Sunset, only having to wait a few more moments before Spike came in, still bleeding but with a crate of milk bottles in hand. "Thanks dude." said Sunset, reaching over as Spike passed on his way to the fridge, grabbing a bottle so she could add milk to her sugary breakfast.

However the peace would not last long as a pained scream echoed through the hallways, followed by a pained looking Celestia possessed Luna came in, knees knocked and looking red in the face. "What part of 'I have a hang over every fucking morning' don't you understand Luna?" griped Sunset, rubbing her forehead as she reached for her coffee, Twilight glancing up from her newspaper to see what was going on.

"Gone..." said Celestia, still sounding to be in pain as she lurched towards the table. "They're all gone... mine, yours, Twilight's!"

"What's gone? The last bit of your sanity?" asked Sunset, leaning back in her seat. Of course this was very bad for Celestia because she now had a full view of Sunset's morning attire, which was just a pair of sexy panties and a tight tank top.

"URGH! Just.... just leave me alone!" she cried, knowing she could just jump Sunset or the game would be up! Or would it be worth it? So worth it... with those long, smooth legs, those perky breasts!

"Don't you even think about it sister!" came Luna's sharp command, which forced Celestia turn her gaze away. And then over to Twilight, who was dressed in oh so adorable pajamas with stars on them! And just beneath was....

"Oh dear sweet me! I'm in pain!" cried Celestia, doubling over as she fell to her knees, breaking out in a sweat as the pressure increased. "WHERE ARE THE FUCKING DILDOS?!? THE VIBRATORS?! ANY FUCKING TOY?!!!!"

"Geez, calm down already." said Sunset, crossing one leg over the other as she leaned back, not knowing it was driving Celestia wild. "If you can't find a toy use your fingers. It works right in a pinch." said Sunset, smirking as she held up a hand, flexing and moving her fingers in a suggestive way.

"It-It doesn't work! No matter how hard I try-!" said Celestia, shivering and shaking, feeling the pressure build as she made herself stand up. "It's like... It's like I'm denied access!" she wailed, both hands on her forehead before she looked to Twilight, a crazed look in her eye. "I-I need help. Yes. Help. Twilight~" she said, stalking over and grabbing the young woman's hands, making Twilight jump in surprise and her eyes widen slightly. "Oh Twilight, so cute, so innocent~ You're just what I need~"

"Sister desist!" insisted Luna, gaping as she saw her hand move to caress one of Twilight's thighs, making the mage's entire face turn red. Thankfully a bowl of cereal was smashed right in Celestia's face, pushing her back and away from Twilight who gave a sigh of relief.

"Yeah, go find a hooker then. I'm so over this convo." said Sunset, stretching her arms above her head with a yawn.

"Don't you get it?!" asked Celestia, slamming her hands down on the table, not bothering to wipe the milk or cereal off of her face as she looked at the two mages. "This isn't an isolated incident! On the news, it's nationwide! Toys have gone missing, women unable to get off unless they pair with a man! And I REFUSE to touch sausage! But riots are breaking out! Frustrated women all across the country are at their wits end! High school girls can't de-stress! Women in positions of power are on edge and ready to make this country go down! And politicians can't come on time! I mean... that's normal but still!"

She paused, seeing the two mages and even Spike looking at her with a bored expression. Celestia's eyebrow twitched before she continued "In short! To be without orgasm is to be cut off from the divine! The world is in Tartarus girls when we should be able to taste Olympus! Even I as a servant of Celestia am dying! My body can't take it!" Again Celestia twitched, but this time she seemed to go off the edge as magic crackled around her "Oh goddess! I can't take it! Being here, this is hell! I'M GOING TO BLOW! I'M AT MY LIMIT! RAAAAAVEN!" she cried out before a flashing pillar of light exploded around her and once it was gone, Luna's body collapsed onto the tile floor, twitching lightly.

"... did Luna call out Celestia's assistant's name?" asked Twilight, a brow raised.

"Sounds like it..." said Sunset, watching as Luna slowly pushed herself up, blinking and seeming much more relaxed. "Feel any better?"

"Erm... I think so?" said Luna, looking down at her hands and wiggling her fingers. It seemed she had her body back for the moment, at least until her older sister had calmed down. Then through the hole that the pillar of light had shot through came a bolt of lightning, frying Spike and causing him to let out a belch of smoke before coughing up a piece of paper. Picking it up, Luna read aloud "Toy Factory. That's your cue girls, you need to head to Ponyville's adult toy factory to figure out what's going on."

"Fuck Luna is getting weird..." said Sunset, giving a light shake of her head as they drove down the highway. "I think it's a gene her and Celestia inherited..."

"Somehow I doubt what Celestia has is passed down through genetics. But I am worried about Luna. Think she's finally snapping?" asked Twilight, looking up from her book to Sunset.

"Who knows. Either way it looks like we reached the city's nethers." said Sunset, pointing to the factory that was ahead, it had a couple of small buildings with two large sphere buildings that had a long tower in between them. They ran the truck right through the chain link fence, right over the sign that labeled this as basically being owned by the resident rich man Filthy Rich. They pulled right up to the entrance, deciding, deciding the best course of action was to penetrate and conquer as per usual, but when they walked up to the front doors, they spotted a security guard there, so sticky he was stuck to the wall and passed out. Sunset caught a whiff of something and smirked "Well now, isn't that a familiar scent... reminds me of that lady's night I had with Sapphire Shores and her women back up dancers~"

"Charming." said Twilight, giving a shake of her head as she opened the double doors into the factory itself. However it seemed that the place had suffered a recent sticky flooding which looked to have been splashed just about everywhere. They stepped deeper inside, surrounded by machinery on all sides.

"Geez, talk about tight quarters." said Sunset, glancing around for whatever spirit had obviously done this.

"We'll still be able to get the job done. We're not pulling out." said Twilight.

"Girls! Intruders!" came a call from above, shadowy spirits of all sorts coming into view, looking like ghosts from the waste down but from the waste up looking like women from a bygone era of white picket fences and being a stay at home woman. "No blockers allowed!" said one woman, causing a cheer to rise up from all of the rest, the group advancing.

"So you're the cunts responsible for this..." said Sunset, crossing her arms and looking unimpressed. "You got your sticky stuff all over this place, what's up with the mess?"

"This factory should never have been erected! It's counter productive to everything we've ever worked for!" said one woman, holding up a toy before throwing it harshly to the ground. "Tricking us, thinking our boys were coming! Then nothing! And our structures are left to whither away every month! It's just the tip though!" This raised a cheer from the group of spirits, all in agreement. "Not just fake vessels but other tools as well! Others have never even seen the vessels our boys come in on! It's not right! It's why we became spirits so we can finally see our boys come home! Today the factories! And tomorrow all vessels will come pounding into the ports!"

"Hey, I like my beef as much as the next gal' but what, you're going to make sure that gets served to me every night?" deadpanned Sunset. "Newsflash I like going out for tacos more. So if you're going to try and fuck with me, then get ready to get fucked!"

"You jerk off! We'll see about that!" said one spirit, the rest growling as they circled around the two mages.

"Careful." said Twilight, taking off her stocking while Sunset got her panty gun out "It's not gonna be good if they get in your eye."

"Yeah, might burn a bit." said Sunset, smirking as she said along with Twilight "Oh pitiful spirits, lost in the darkness and born drifting between Olympus and Tartarus."

"Girls rub it out quick!" cried one of the spirits, the group suddenly all attacking at once. But Twilight and Sunset only smirked.

"You know what comes next. REPENT MOTHER FUCKERS!" In a hail of bullets and sword cuts, the spirits fell, exploding into nothing with shrieks and cries.

Which somehow was enough to make the entire factory explode. Cause explosions are cool.

August 27th, XXXX

I found my mother's old diary and I am continuing to keep the record. Bravely she went down, to make sure our boys could come. Muff City has returned to normal and the structures are ready, our boys are coming home with plenty of wood, hard and firm that can be used. Thanks to the other's spirit, our boys are coming, hard and fast, with great stamina, soon they will be here-

The alarm was raised, she stood from her desk and smoothed out her dress before running out of the apartment, other females following her to the port. There was a bright light and... yes, yes! That was the vessel! It was so big! It was spreading the waves apart and coming! It was ready to unload! They could see the first few faces of their boys and-

Wait... wait where was it going?! It was pulling out it-!

They heard a noise echoing from outside and a loud splat...

Author's Note

Greetings viewers, believe me when I say I STRUGGLED with how to handle this chapter. If you are a Panty and Stocking fan, then you know this chapter was going to be based on the Pulp Fiction episode. But obviously there were reasons as to why the adaptation would be difficult all things considered.

As you may or may not know I take the premise of the same episodes of PSG and usually follow them closely in adapting them to chapters. Unless of course changes must be made in part or entirely, but I came upon the question of how to recreate such golden perfection that was Pulp Fiction.

And then. Inspiration!

So I hope you like my spin on the adaptation and stay tuned for more fun!

A Clockwork Diet

In the city of Ponyville, lovely ladies came in all shapes and sizes. Unless of course you bought into the western ideal that the perfect size was skinny as a fucking twig. In which case, mankind has devised all sorts of diets in order for women to be the same skinny ass weight as others who don't even have to do a morning jog once a week to be skinny. Seriously, how is that even fair to compare regular people to people like that with high metabolisms and trainers and shit? And how is it even beautiful to resemble a walking bag of bones with that freaky ass leg gap, I mean come on!

"Mmm!" squeed Pinkie after she took another bite of a white cake roll before her. "Delicious! Mrs. Cake has really outdone herself this week!" she said before shoveling more bites into her maw.

"Do you normally eat this many sweets?" asked Twilight, glancing down at the many boxes of sweets on the table. "It doesn't seem like your daily diet is healthy."

"Bleh! Who needs dieting?" said Pinkie, pouting as she stood up and put her hands behind her head, thrusting her hips "Ladies and guys love curves! Nice and soft and plenty of cushion for pushin'!... whatever that means!" Retaking her seat, she picked up a plate just as Spike made a lunge for the table, missing the plate of cake entirely as he slid across it and landed on his head on the other side. "C'mon Twily! I brought over plenty of sweets from Sugarcube Corner so that you and Sunset can enjoy! Oh and Spike too!"

"Well, I'll gladly have some if that's the case." said Twilight, smiling as she put down her book and picked up a fork instead. "But I wouldn't bother with Sunset, she's not a fan of sweets."

"Really?" asked Pinkie, just as the elevator dinged and a Sunset wearing a sexy jogging suit with a towel around her neck and earbuds in came in.

She seemed to be in a good mood up until a few steps in, they she stopped, nose wrinkling as she said "Ugh, why does it smell like a gummy bear sharted in here?" Then she looked to the table and all the sweet treats before snorting "Don't tell me you're going to eat all of that, Twilight?"

"Why not? Pinkie brought them over and they do taste good." said the bookish mage, taking another bite of cake.

"Cause eat all of that and you'll blow up in a week." scoffed Sunset.

"Yeah right." said Twilight, giving a light roll of her eyes "You know I have perfect control of my diet and that means if I wish to indulge for a bit then I can."

"Riiiight, say that when you got some tits on your back."

"Look, just because you don't like sweets doesn't mean I can't have them." said Twilight, seeming crossed before smirking "And it's hardly my fault if I can indulge while you have to jog every day. Jealous much?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna laugh my ass off when you're as big as a house, Sparkle. See if your books help you then!" retorted Sunset before heading up to her room to have a bath.

~The Next Night~

Twilight frowned as she looked at herself in the mirror, clad only in silk undies as she pinched at her sides... that didn't happen before. Was she... getting a muffin top? Oh no, what if Sunset found out!? No, she had to be rational about this, she was just getting paranoid, right?

A trip to the scale said otherwise.

"Oh no!" gaped Twilight, unable to understand how this happened! Then she did her breathing exercise to calm down "No big deal, my carefully planned diet was just off recently. I'll get back on track, tighten it up a bit and then I'll be back to normal! Add in a morning jog as well and Sunset won't even notice!"

~One training montage of light jogging and healthy eating later~

"How is that possible?!" Twilight said, dumbfounded as she had not only NOT lost the weight... but GAINED weight! That was illogical! Impossible! "... I hate this moment so much."

The next thing she knew, she had bought one of those weight loss belts that vibrated the fat away. Okay, she knew it was probably a bunch of bunk but she was desperate to try and lose weight before Sunset found out! Which was why she was sitting in the living room, reading her book and really tightening up on her meals. She was already going over plans in her head when the elevator dinged and Sunset came in... with an arm full of small boxes that looked like they came from the Sugarcube Corner bakery! Twilight quickly shut off the weight loss belt before Sunset could hear it.

"Hey, I'm back from rocking out with my cock out. Pinkie Pie spotted me and shoved all these boxes into my arms, saying they were for you. Smells like more of that sweet shit."

"Uh-huh." Twilight said absentmindedly, trying to ignore the rumbling in her stomach and the memory of how good those little treats tasted. "Sorry, I've already eaten so I don't want them."

"Seriously?" asked Sunset, opening a box before her face blanched "Ugh, this one smells the sweetest of all, it's some kind of chocolate roll looking thing."

Mmm... chocolate.

"Well either way, guess Spike is getting the runs tonight! Hey Spike!" she called, waiting for the small dragon boy to appear before tossing all of the boxes at him. Twilight could feel her heart break little by little as her stomach cried out for the sweets lost. Apparently her anguish was noticed as she rested her head against the pages of her book, mourning the loss. "Oh, so you did want 'em?" asked Sunset, acting coy at the moment.

"Did you decide to shut the hell up?" retorted Twilight, a bit on the grouchy side from her new diet.

"Hey Twilight~" called Sunset in a sing song voice, resting on the back of the couch with a cat-like smirk.

"Yes whore?"

"Are you on a diet? Come on you can tell me!"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-! "No! Why would you think that?" replied Twilight in what was perhaps the most un-casual tone ever. However she had no words when Sunset reached down, lifted up her shirt and revealed the weight loss belt. Twilight tried to push her shirt back down but Sunset would always pull it back up.

"Peekaboo. There it is. Still there. Hi there. Yup, still there." taunted Sunset every time she lifted it back there until finally Twilight stood up and moved away from Sunset completely.

"IT IS MERELY A SCIENTIFIC TEST TO SEE HOW RIDICULOUS THE ADVERTISING FOR SUCH ITEMS ARE! MOVE ALONG PLEASE! NOTHING TO SEE HERE!" said the mage as she headed for the elevator, leaving Sunset and Spike in the dust. Leaning back against the wall and crossing her arms, Twilight scowled "Not a big deal, I'll just have to turn up the heat on this diet! Then I'll shed these extra pounds and be back to normal! THIS I SWEAR!"

~Cue the even more intense training montage where Twilight practically works herself to death and eats practically nothing for the sake of stressing out over a few pounds and to get Sunset off her back!~

Moment of truth. She had worked hard these past couple of weeks! She'd reduced her calorie count down to single digits, she'd run marathons around the city, she'd resisted every sweet from Sugarcube Corner Pinkie had left in the fridge! And now she had lost!...

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing. In fact, she'd gained even more weight. Twilight could practically feel her spirit leaving her body...

".... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" she screamed before turning and running down the hallway to the fridge "FINE! IF SCIENCE HAS FAILED ME THEN THERE IS NOTHING LEFT! I ACCEPT MY FATE YOU DAMN SWEET FASCISTS!" she said before stuffing her face with every single Sugarcube Corner sweet in the fridge! SUNSET BE DAMNED!

"Whoa! Intervention time!" said Sunset as she and Spike came into the kitchen "Look, I know I was harsh before and I didn't say anything about that extreme diet shit, but c'mon! You can't just fast and then binge!" Although at the crazed look Twilight gave her... "Alright, alright! Backing off!"

~The Next Morning~

As concerned as Sunset was over her friend's maniacal zeal for dieting, bitch still had to sleep! So she was snoozing in her bed when there came a rumbling. Nothing to get up for. Then a strong shake. That got her up. Until finally something crashed through her wall and pushed her right out of the tree house! "WHOA!" she cried, hitting the front lawn with Spike before she righted herself "Okay, what the fuck is-WHAT THE FUCK?! Twilight, what happened?!" she gaped, seeing a giant, fat Twilight sticking out of the tree house like she was Alice in Wonderland!

"... I don't know what you mean."

"Don't give me that! Twilight, seriously, you're like trashy talk show fat!" said Sunset, sitting on the lawn and gazing up at her giant of a friend. Then a bit of a grin came to her face "Well... I didn't want to do this buuuuut, I did say I would. Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! It didn't happen in a week but damn you're even bigger than our house!"

"Keep laughing and you'll be the main ingredient in my next breakfast burrito!" snapped Twilight while Sunset and Spike both continued to laugh.

At least up until a bolt of lightning came down and struck Spike. Then Luna (yes the real Luna, because as much as Celestia would love Twilight in any shape or size... this was kinda too much even for the goddess you know what I'm sayin'?) came out from nowhere and hit Spike on the head, forcing him to cough up a clue to the spirit that was around the city somewhere. "Mages! We have a clue from Olympus!" she said before slapping Sunset upside the head to quiet the redhead down before pulling up the projector screen, which showed a bunch of different women around Ponyville city having grown HUGE. "Apparently our clue is very specific this time, because now we know that the reason women all around the city are swelling up are because of the sweets purchased at Sugarcube Corner bakery!"

"No way." said Sunset before smirking "So what you're saying is that this stuff is chocked full of some evil spirit stuff that's doing this? Hey Twilight! You getting all this?" she called up to the huge mage.

"Dammit! If Pinkie had anything to do with this- Okay, let's kick some spirit ass! RAWR!" cried Twilight, pulling herself free from the tree house and standing tall like an obese Godzilla as she towered over all!

"Now you're talking!" said Sunset, jumping up and landing on Twilight's shoulder "Let's get all Primal Rage up in this shit!"

"Ms. Cake?" Pinkie called, knocking on the door that was behind the counter and lead into the main part of the bakery. "Mr. Cake and the twins haven't seen you in awhile! And people want more sweets!"

"Sure thing my dear!" came the sing song voice of Mrs. Cake as soon out on an escalator came more sweets.

"Great!... and um, when can I get back in the kitchen again?" Pinkie asked hopefully.

"Not yet my dear! I still have so much work to do!"

"Oh... o-" then came an explosion behind her! Sending her through the door as she squealed out "-KAY!!!"

"Hm, Pinkie? You know anything about this?" asked Sunset as she and giant Twilight looked upon a large factory of conveyor belts, along with a Mrs. Cake who obviously had an evil spirit inside of her, as large as Twilight, round and plump with her tits hanging out that she shot icing out of to decorate and fill the cakes with.

... what, why're you looking at me like that?

Growling, the giant possessed Mrs. Cake said "You dare interfere with my sacred mission!? My husband loves me for me and soon the rest of the city will love others for themselves! I will show them that diets are for dickweeds! That fat is fructose-tastic! That there's more of you to love now that-"

"Sounds like a crock of shit." deadpanned Sunset as she jumped up onto a catwalk, panties already in gun form. "Be happy being fat but don't make other conform to what you want, bitch! Now put down your sugar shooters cause we're shutting down this fat factory!" Of course Sunset couldn't help but snicker when she looked at giant Twilight because come on, it was still a little funny.

"How dare you! This is a haven for all those overweight that wish to be loved and appreciated! Perhaps it's about time you joined the bandwagon skinny missy!" And then giant Mrs. Cake's sugar tits multiplied into about a baker's dozen as she grew that many arms to fire with.

.... shut up, you had to be there.

"Open wide dearie! You're about to get a mouth full of Mrs. Cake's special cream!" said Mrs. Cake as she fired her tit cream cannons! And then someone somewhere started jerking off. Because you know it's happening and now you can't un-know that fact.

"Oh geez! I can't take a load that big!" said Sunset, covering her mouth and bracing for impact!

"I got this! I'M FIRING MY PARTY CANNONS!" said Pinkie Pie, having somehow set up a double bakers dozen of cannons on the opposite side and firing a load of confetti to counter Mrs. Cake's sticky sweet load of icing!

"Nice, thanks Pinkie!" said Twilight as she stepped forward "Evil spirit lost between Olympus and Tartarus!" began Twilight, her stocking starting to glow as she took it off "Be purified by the garments of these mages and banished from your host! REPENT MOTHER FUCKER!" And then she struck with a mighty!... slap.

"Uhhh..." began Twilight, raising up her sword and seeing that the stocking was all stretched out "Whoops, guess they weren't meant for a girl my size." she said sheepishly.

"Whatever! I'm getting out of here!" said Mrs. Cake, deciding to book it but not making it far as Sunset jumped through the air and landed in front of her, gun aimed right at Mrs. Cake's belly!

"Not so fast! You're not getting away that easily pippy long-titty!" declared the red headed mage as she smirked and pulled the trigger "Choke on this!"

"NOOOOOOO!" cried Mrs. Cake, the evil spirit dissipating and returning her to normal size, her husband, children, and Pinkie rushing up to check on her as four friendship tokens fell to the ground.

"Geez, would've thought we'd get a token per pound. Ah well." sighed Sunset with a light shake of her head as she picked them up. At that exact moment, Twilight shrunk right down to normal size, both surprised and happy over the sudden weight loss "Hey, you're back to being skinny and cute again." commented Sunset.

"... cute?" asked Twilight with a small blush before her hair was ruffled.

"Don't let that get to your head." retorted Sunset, lightly sticking her tongue out at the other mage.

"Yay! Everything is back to normal! Who wants sweets!?" called Pinkie Pie, causing Sunset to gag lightly and Twilight to go a little green.

Author's Note

Back in the saddle again! I'm starting to get some umption for gumption to start writing again. XD

This was a fun one near the end because like, how do you even explain this? You can't even comprehend this shit in the actual episode.

The only thing you do know? Someone somewhere was totally jerking off to it.