Remember, Remember The 5th of November!
A Touch of Sanity
Twilight Sparkle was engrossed in another one of her afternoon study sessions when Spike came bursting through the door. “Twilight!” The exasperated dragon exclaimed. He was out of breath and panting heavily when he came to a full stop before the princess of friendship, chest heaving as if he’d just run a marathon.
“Spike?” Twilight had been engrossed in a particularly interesting excerpt on the courting rituals of southern dragons—a gift from Dragon Lord Ember—when her assistant barreled in. The look on her face was somewhere between curious and annoyed. She had a great deal of reading to catch up on and did not welcome this disturbance in the least. What could be so important as to warrant such an eccentric entrance?
“We…have…a…problem!” Spike sputtered between breaths. He was still hunched over and Twilight surmised that he must have run up from one of the lower levels of the castle to be so winded. The dragon did have short, stubby legs and while that didn’t mean he couldn’t run when he wanted to, having to climb all those stairs must have been trying.
“What is it now?” Twilight asked, her attention going back to the open parchment on her desk. She was still brushing up on her Draconic. The glyphs were particularly challenging and she had two translation books ordered from the Royal Canterlot Library to assist with the reading. Twilight also had blank parchment to the side where she could jot down notes, questions and musings on her findings. At this rate, she’d run out of parchment and would have to begin writing on the desk.
Speaking of which, “Didn’t I send you out to buy more parchment?” The alicorn asked.
“I did!” Spike, his breath returning, exclaimed. “It’s downstairs. But look, Twilight,”
“Hmm?” Twilight regarded Spike with a neutral face.
Pointing toward the balcony, Spike said, “They’re…revolting.”
Twilight’s eyebrow went up. “What? Who?”
“The animals…they…they…they’ve turned against us.”
Twilight followed Spike’s claw, regarding the the balcony as if noticing it for the first time. “Huh?” Putting down the quill she’d been levitating with her horn, Twilight trotted over, Spike right on her hooves, and stood atop the crystal balcony of her castle. It was a lovely spring afternoon. Celestia’s Sun was up and Ponyville was a typical hustle and bustle of activity. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until Twilight looked down and saw, “What the…?”
Below her, gathered in a group and with signs raised, were scores of animals in what looked like a protest movement. There were mice, geese, ducks, raccoons, hares, squirrels, chipmunks, blue jays, chickens, pigs, badgers, hawks, eagles, beavers, turtles, frogs, and one particularly large bear. At the forefront of the gathering, a stark-white rabbit with a puffy tail was blaring something into a loudspeaker at his fellows. Naturally Twilight could not understand rabbit-speech, but it was apparent that the other animals could and they raised their voices as one.
Each animal held up a sign. One read, “THE FAUNA, UNITED, WILL NEVER BE DEFEATED,” while another angrily declared, “NON-PONIES GOOD, PONIES BAD!” A sheep wearing a Guy Fawkes mask held up a doll of a purple alicorn with a hastily drawn starburst cutie mark, hanging from a stick.
Twilight was speechless. It took Spike to snap her out of it. “I told you!” He jumped up and down. “The animals are revolting. It’s the end of days! We’re doomed!”
Twilight shook herself out of her stupor. “Don’t be silly, Spike,” she said in a calm, collected voice. Having regained her composure, the princess said, “I’m sure this is just some misunderstanding. I’ll go down and talk to them and get this all straightened out.” Why she did not simply fly or transport down to the ground one could not say. Perhaps Twilight thought it would be too flashy an entrance, or maybe she just wanted to show the animals that she was no better than they were and would greet them as she would any other guest: at her door with a smile on her face.
That smile quickly vanished when she opened up the palace doors and found that the animals had lit the doll of her on fire and were watching it burn. How they went about it she could not say, but the bloodthirsty jeers of the crowd made her eyebrow twitch and her blood run cold. Spike never left the safety of the castle and just poked his head out from behind the door, his body trembling.
The princess cleared her throat. “Ahem! Gentle animals, how may I, the princess of friendship, assist you this fine…CELESTIA!” Twilight cried as a flaming arrow zipped over her head to embed itself right into the half-open doorway. This made Spike scream and duck for cover, the bolt still quivering from the impact.
Suddenly a wave of angry calls—insults most likely—were hurled at Twilight from a hundred different snouts and beaks. Seeing her only seemed to rouse them further. The burning doll had shriveled up into black, the body falling off while the head continued to hang. The sheep holding it pointed at Twilight then back at the head as if to say, “This is you!”
Still shaken by the arrow, Twilight seemed ready to flee when she reminded herself of who and what she is. “Hey!” She snapped. All forms of courtesy were gone as she glared daggers at the protesters. “What the hay was that all about? What’s got your tails in a twist?” An eagle shrieked. “And feathers?” An alligator hissed. “And scales?”
The small white rabbit with the loudspeaker declared something loud and pointedly at the princess. When he finished, the animals raised their voices as one as if to support him. Twilight looked closely at the rabbit, her eyes widening. “Wait…is that…Angel Bunny?”
Spike poked his head out. “Yup.” Then pulled it back in.
“You’re leading this movement?” Twilight bit back a chuckle. “Whew! For a second there I thought this was something serious. I mean, when Spike told me the animals were revolting I thought…hey!” The sheep with the Guy Fawkes mask brought up a second doll of Twilight, this time nailed on a cross. “Stop that!”
Angel Bunny spoke through his loudspeaker.
“I don’t understand you,” Twilight said.
Glaring at her, Angel Bunny, raised his paw, palm forward, only to twist it to the side. Like a well-trained army, the protesters parted side to side. A lone figure strode through, head bowed, eyes lowered, wings at her sides. Twilight’s eyes bulged. “Fluttershy?” She watched her friend approach until she stood halfway between Twilight and Angel Bunny, the latter bringing his paw back forward so that the animals closed ranks.
Looking sheepishly at her friend, Fluttershy nervously kicked at the ground. “Umm…hi, Twilight. How are you?”
Twilight ran toward her friend, putting a hoof around her. “Are you okay? Have you been hurt?”
Fluttershy gasped. “Goodness no! My friends would never hurt me.”
“Your friends?” Twilight glanced over at the animals, then to Angel Bunny, then back to Fluttershy. “They’re all your friends?”
The pegasus nodded. “Yes. Well, except Mr. Goldfeather over there. He and I are more acquaintances, really.”
“Fluttershy, what in Equestria is going on? What’s got these animals so riled up?”
Hesitant at first, Fluttershy regarded Angel Bunny who was standing with his arms crossed and a determined look on his face. The rabbit gave her a stern nod. Looking back at Twilight, she sighed. “I’m sorry to bother you, but Angel Bunny and the other animals have decided they had enough of the second-class treatment they’ve been receiving and are here to protest before what they see as a symbol of the right-hoof movement.” She glanced up at the castle. “Friendship Castle and,” she looked down, “you, Twilight.”
“Me? What did I do?”
“You’re a princess of Equestria. You represent a government that for centuries has ignored and overlooked the other half of its populace, the non-pony half, while giving privileged status to earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns.” Fluttershy sat down and began to rub her hooves together. “They…they demand that you step down as princess and that an interim government be instilled until elections can be held that will place non-ponies in positions of authority alongside their pony kin.”
Twilight’s jaw dropped. “Huh?”
“It’s a revolution!” Spike’s voice cried from behind the door.
“Actually it’s more of an equal rights movement,” Fluttershy said. “But I guess hard-core conservatives would see it that way.”
“I am not conservative!” Spike snapped back. “I just don’t want to die!”
Twilight pinched her muzzle with her hoof, unable to fully accept what she was dealing with. Evil tyrants and maniacal ponies was one thing. Animals declaring for equal rights? She wasn’t prepared for this. “So let me get this straight. Angel and the other animals want equal representation in government?”
“And the private sector,” Fluttershy stated. “Many animals are private business owners. Unfortunately, they can’t sell their wares because the law forbids allowing pets in stores. Oh, they also wish to abolish slavery.”
Twilight jumped backward. “What? There’s so slavery in Equestria!”
“The term ‘pet’ carries with it implications of ownership. If an animal is a pet it is the property of some pony, which means that animal has no rights under Equestrian law or of natural law, which decrees that all living creatures are born free.”
“The law of nature?” Twilight said. “Isn’t that the same law that propagates the concept that it’s okay to kill one another for food?” Fluttershy nodded. “And you’re okay with that?”
“Well, I don’t kill for food. Neither does Angel Bunny or most of my animal friends.”
Twilight pointed at the crowed. “I see a freaking puma, a fox, several birds of prey and…Sweet Celestia, is that a timber wolf back there? Do you know what those things eat?” Twilight cut off Fluttershy’s response, “Us! They eat us. Not to mention each other. Tartarus, they’d probably eat your other friends right now if you let them.”
The pegasus nodded. “Maybe. But that is how nature intended them to be.”
Twilight smacked her forehead. “Hello! Nature also intended for the sun and moon to rise and set on their own, the weather to be unpredictable, and the crops to grow by themselves. Yet we do all that now and all of Equestria has benefited.”
This brought a chorus of boos, hisses, growls, jeers, and insults hurled at the princess of friendship. Angel Bunny put down the loudspeaker and gave Twilight two thumbs down.
Fluttershy shook her head. “It’s that type of thinking that has brought these animals out here today, Twilight. Sure we may take care of the weather, grow the crops, and keep the celestial bodies moving, but who provides the milk for our tea and coffee? Where do we get our eggs and butter? Who makes the honey? Who keeps our crops from being overrun by locusts or protects our homes at night? Our animal friends have contributed to the lifestyle we’ve come to cherish and they are not appreciated for it. You don’t see a sparrow representative in the royal senate, or see two collies enjoying lunch at a café. Cows give of their bounty freely and without protest, yet are they allowed to make a monetary profit from their contributions?”
“Fluttershy, you are surrounded by animals all the time. You love them and treat them like equals. How can they think you don’t care about them?”
“This isn’t about being cared for,” Fluttershy said sternly. “This is about equality.” She looked to Angel who nodded at her. “And free carrots delivered every Friday.”
Twilight glowered.
“Sorry. Angel needed something to give up during the negotiations. He figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask.”
Twilight wasn’t having any of it. “Look, tell your friends I sympathize with them and will take their concerns up with the princesses during the next summit.”
But Fluttershy shook her head. “I’m afraid that won’t do.”
“Then what do they expect me to do? I can’t just step down from my position. That would be asking for too much, for Celestia’s sake!”
“And another thing,” Fluttershy went on. “Animals want freedom of religion as well.”
“You have got to be,”
Fluttershy went on. “Alicorns are an Equestrian concept. It is meant to deify a pony and grant them a sovereignty over all others.”
“Concept? I’m standing right here!” A vein appeared on Twilight’s forehead. “You’ve seen the other princesses, Fluttershy. Ponies respect us. Sure some might see us as deities, but I’m certainly not a goddess. I still sleep with a stuffed animal at night.”
“It’s true. She does,” Spike’s voice said from far away.
“Quiet you!” Turning to the animals, Twilight said. “And even if we are worshipped by some, there’s no law stating that you must. You don’t have to…what? Why are you shaking your head?” She asked Fluttershy.
“No pony.”
“No pony what?”
The pegasus clarified. “The term automatically excludes non-ponies.”
“It’s a saying.”
“It’s racist.”
“Oh come on!” Twilight threw up her hooves in frustration. “Now they want to change what we can and cannot say in public? Isn’t that infringing on our freedom of speech?”
“You can just say ‘no one’ or ‘any one.’ It really isn’t asking for too much.”
Twilight’s brow furrowed. “It sounds like you’ve taken their side.”
“I’m not on any pon…I mean…I’m not on anyone’s side, Twilight.” Fluttershy glanced over her shoulder. “When Angel Bunny began gathering the animals for this protest, they chose me to serve as liaison between our two sides. That they chose a pony instead of one of their own proves they are willing to look past our differences for the greater good. They are peaceful creatures.”
“One of them is holding a doll of me nailed to a cross.”
The sheep in the Guy Fawkes mask neighed.
“Granted. But there are extremists in every group. Take Starlight Glimmer, for instance.”
“This isn’t the same thing.”
“What about Nightmare Moon?” Fluttershy asked.
“That was complicated.”
“King Sombra?”
“He was a jerk!”
“The Flim Flam Brothers?”
Twilight growled.
“Lightning Dust? Wind Rider? Suri Polomare? Dr. Caballeron? Even I became unpleasant after attending one of Iron Will’s seminars.”
“Okay, so there are a lot of bad ponies out there. That doesn’t make us all bad.”
“No. But that doesn’t give us the right to make all the rules, either.” Behind Fluttershy, one of the animals cried out something indecipherable to pony ears. The other animals took up the chant with Angel Bunny blaring it in his loudspeaker.
“What are they saying?” Twilight asked.
“They’re saying equality for all, or equality for none.” Fluttershy waved calmly at the animals to settle down. “Personally, I applaud them for exercising their rights, and I don’t think they’re being unreasonable. I mean, would it kill us if, say, Miss Menudo over there were to run for government office?”
“It may kill me.” Twilight thought a moment. “Or maybe I’ll kill her first.” She narrowly avoided a spinning axe that came flying through air. The blade caught itself on the dame door as the arrow shaft, shaking so violently that Spike yelped. “HEY!” Twilight glared daggers at the sheep wearing the Guy Fawkes mask, the one who’d thrown the axe. Instead of the cross, the sheep now had the Twilight doll lying headfirst atop a guillotine. One yank on the rope, and the blade came down, chopping off the doll’s head. The sheep pointed at Twilight.
“I guarantee you the real thing’s going to be a lot harder than that to kill than that!” Twilight glared hotly at the gathering. Ignoring Fluttershy, she addressed the crowd directly. “Listen to me, all of you. I don’t have the authority to create new laws or to change old ones. My position is strictly ceremonial. I’m an element of harmony, defender of the realm, and a royal liaison of Princess Celestia whom I assist in matters of national defense and stability. I’m a student of magic with no political aspirations. I am the last pony who can do any of the things you’re asking for.”
“And in time you will rule,” Fluttershy said. “Ceremonial or not, Twilight, you do wield certain political influence. That time you presided over the dispute at the Trader’s Exchange in Rainbow Falls, for one. Or the time you prevented all-out war with Yakyakistan. You opened diplomatic relations with the dragons to the south and, from what Spike told me, ran the last Princess Summit in Canterlot like a queen.”
“Actually, Spike was the queen.” Twilight scowled back at the entrance. “Who nearly ruined everything!”
“I stand by my bad decision-making,” Spike’s voice said back.
Realizing this was getting them nowhere, Twilight sighed loud enough for all to hear. “Look, the least I can do is run your list of demands by the mayor. I’m sure she’d be more than willing to make a few changes if it means keeping the peace in Ponyville. Will that suffice?”
Before Fluttershy could answer, Angel whistled for her to come over. She and the rabbit had a private conversation, whispering, while Twilight looked on. It went on like this for some time. Twilight was growing impatient. She kept tapping a hoof on the ground, waiting for their answer. When the two finally parted it was Fluttershy, a big smile on her face, who spoke. “Your terms are acceptable.”
“Finally!” Twilight pointed. “Now, can you ask your friends to please get off my lawn?”
“Certainly.” Fluttershy nodded to Angel who in turn nodded to the protesters. Like a well-trained army, the animals about-faced and began to march away from the castle. Miss Menudo, the sheep in the Guy Fawkes mask, pointed an angry hoof at Twilight before making a slitting throat gesture on her neck. Then, she too turned to follow the rest of her comrades.
Angel Bunny followed the procession but Fluttershy stayed behind a moment to address her friend. “Thank you, Twilight.”
“For what? All I did was make a promise I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep. You know how stubborn the mayor can be. What’s she going to think when I come up to her and suggest allowing a pair of woodchucks to open their own crafts store beside Derpy’s muffin shop?” She shuddered. “Can you imagine having tea with a timber wolf?”
“Actually,” Fluttershy started, “they’re not bad company.”
Twilight gawked. “You didn’t.”
“Open mind, Twilight Sparkle,” Fluttershy walked away. “Open mind.”
When she left, Twilight returned to the castle. Spike was still hiding behind the door and slammed it shut when she entered. “Is it done?” He asked. “Is the uprising over?”
“There was never an uprising,” Twilight grumbled.
“But Twi,”
“There was no uprising,” the princess said more sternly. “I don’t want any news of this leaving Ponyville. Times are strange enough as it is.”
Spike chased after her. “But wouldn’t word get out eventually?”
“Yes. And by that time I hope to have a better explanation to Princess Celestia as to why I, the princess of friendship and alicorn of magic, gave into the demands of a bunch of wily critters, one of whom threatened my life if I did not comply, only because I had books to read.”
Spike paused. “Uh, isn’t that what you do all the time?”
“Spike, I can do a lot more things than I normally do. The truth is, reading is all I have that keeps me sane and right now,” she sighed loudly, “I really need a touch of sanity.”
Not far from the castle, Fluttershy and Angel Bunny walked side by side. Actually, Fluttershy trotted, the rabbit hopped by her side. “I think that went well, don’t you?” She asked her first non-pony friend.
“Could have been better,” Angel replied. “I still think we should have stormed the castle, taken the book pony hostage, skewered the purple dragon.”
“Violence never solves anything, Angel,” Fluttershy said.
“You’re dealing with animals. We use violence all the time.” Then Angel added, “Law of nature and all that.” He smiled throwing Fluttershy’s words right back at her.
But Fluttershy was ready. “Nature is change. We all change. Sometimes that change is not what we expected or wanted.” She looked ahead to where the sky met the horizon. “But it all starts with us.”
“And if we don’t get what we asked for?”
Fluttershy smirked. “Then next time,” she turned to Angel Bunny, “We let Miss Menudo do the negotiations.”
Author's Note
I've had several sequels planned for the longest time, though never one for "Only I Know," which several readers seemed to like. Twi and Flutters are my top two ponies, with AJ coming a close second. I had fun putting them together. I've got more ideas in the works so here's hoping the slump's over!
