Chapters The Chaotic Three: A Zany Story
Author's Note
Zany, Applespike, Jewel, Twinkle, and Cinnamon Roll are characters I read about in DisneyFanatic's Bride of Discord Trilogy. Though it takes place in that universe, this is not a sequel to that series. I do not own My Little Pony.
A Happy Reunion
POOF! The ticket seller at the Ponyville Train Station jumped as a pair of colts suddenly appeared on the platform in front of her.
“Here we are! Ponyville Train Station as promised!” one of them, a gray pony with a pink mane shouted.
“Thanks Zany,” said the other, stepping over the tracks to get to the platform. He was a light brown pony with a spiky green mane and a dragon's tail. “Though I wish you hadn't taken the scenic route.”
Zany rubbed his neck in embarrassment. “Yeah...well, at least we know there really is a pony-eating Yeti in Yakistan!”
“Hey, Zany! Applespike!” the ticket seller waved to them. “What brings you two here this morning?”
“My big sister Cinnamon Roll is coming home today,” said Applespike proudly. “I told Ma I'd meet her at the station.”
“I gave him a lift,” said Zany with a grin that showed off his fang. Besides his chaotic magic, it was the only odd thing he had inherited from his father. He and Applespike were half ponies. Zany's mother was Fluttershy, a pretty, yellow pegasus, and his father was Discord, a pretty odd-looking draconequess with even odder magic powers. Both he and his older sister, Screwball, looked like ordinary earth ponies...until you noticed their eyes had swirls instead pupils. Both had inherited their father's magic and his taste for chocolate milk.
Applespike's mother was Applejack, an honest, hard working earth pony. His father was Spike the dragon, former assistant to Princess Twilight Sparkle. He had the body of an earth pony but the long spiky tail of a dragon. His eyes were green with slit reptilian pupils. And he could breathe fire. Because of that, he was rarely picked on at school.
Before he was born, his parents had adopted two foals from the orphanage: Cinnamon Roll and her older brother, Cinnamon Stick. Cinnamon Stick ran a muffin shop in Ponyville with his wife Dinky Doo. Cinnamon Roll attended the Canterlot Culinary College, studying to be chef. The Apple family had some wonderful cooks, but this would be the first time any of them had become a chef! Applespike couldn't wait to see his sister. She was always trying out new recipes: especially ones that contained apples. Apple fritters, apple pies, apple pancakes, apple crepes, apple blintz... GURGLE! His stomach rumbled loudly.
Zany snickered at the sound. “You're sure eager to see her. Or is it all that great food you know she'll be cooking?”
Applespike grinned. “Can't have one without the other.”
WHOOO! The train whistle sounded. Both colts looked up as the train chugged into the station. Applespike eagerly scanned the windows of the passenger car. “There she is! Cinnamon Roll!” he yelled, waving his hoof.
“We're the only ones here. I doubt she'll miss you,” said Zany. At the same time he made a neon sign appear over Applespike's head. WELCOME HOME CINNAMON ROLL! WHAT'S FOR SUPPER?
The passengers quickly got off. A pretty, long-legged filly with dark brown fur and a cream colored mane trotted over to them.
“Hey, little brother,” she said, throwing her hooves around Applespike's neck. “I'm so happy to see 'ya!” She looked at Zany's sign and laughed. “Yes, Zany. You can eat with us tonight. How do apple dumplings sound?”
“No idea. How do they usually sound when you cook 'em?” he asked, grinning mischievously.
Cinnamon Roll looked puzzled for a second, then gave the chaotic colt a playful shove. “Very funny!” she said, laughing again.
“So, are we going straight back to Sweet Apple Acres” asked Applespike eagerly. He couldn't wait to taste his sister's apple dumplings. Cinnamon Roll shook her head.
“No, silly! Remember, I came home so Aunt Rarity could fit me for my ball gown. She said she had a new design that would look stunning on me!” Cinnamon Roll squealed in excitement. “I can't wait to see it!”
“Yeah,” grumbled Applespike. “Me too.”
“Oh! And I have a surprise for you! And you too Zany!”
Both colts looked at her eagerly. Cinnamon Roll always brought them treats from Canterlot. Zany honed in on her saddlebag, sniffing like crazy. “What is it?” he asked. “Where is it?”
“Right here!” a sweet tinkling voice chuckled. There on the platform stood a snow white unicorn with a silky purple and pink mane. She batted her long eye lashes at them then broke into a wide grin. “Applespike! Zany!”
“Jewel?” the colts managed to gasp before the unicorn filly threw her hooves around their necks and squeezed.
“Oh! I am so glad to see you!” she gushed. “Three years! I cannot believe it's been three years since I've been to Ponyville! I've missed it so! And I've missed you two most of all.” Jewel sniffed and rubbed her cheek against Applespike's, making him blush.
“We...we didn't know you were coming,” he said. He was shaking. His heart was hammering in his chest.
“I wasn't sure I would be allowed,” said Jewel a little bitterly. “My manager, Picture Perfect, thinks Ponyville is too rustic for a supermodel like me. But, since my mother IS one of the biggest dress designers in Canterlot and my father one of the nicest Canterlot stallions, he decided I could visit this once.”
“This once?” said Zany, wiggling out of her hug. “How long are you staying?”
“I leave on the train tomorrow morning,” she said sadly. “And don't get any ideas of trying to block the tracks with fudge ripple ice cream or turning the engine into a giant sewing machine, Zany! Picture Perfect's assistants always find ways to get around things.”
“No fair!” said Applespike. “You just got here and you have to leave?”
Jewel smiled. “You'll see me tonight. Everyone's going to Aunt Applejack and Uncle Spike's for supper at seven.” A mischievous look crossed her face. “It will be like old times.” She held up her hoof. “Chaotic Three Forever!”
Applespike and Zany tapped their hooves to her's. “Chaotic Three Forever!” they shouted.
Laughing, Cinnamon Roll, Jewel and Applespike stepped down and trotted towards the Carousel Boutique. Zany was about to follow when he spotted a lone figure on the platform. It was a pretty purple unicorn filly with a flowing lavender and pink mane. She wore a long traveling cloak similar to the one Princess Luna liked to wear on Nightmare Night, only this one was hot pink and covered in star swirls. She cocked her head and smiled shyly at him.
“Hi.” she said in a sweet voice.
Zany opened his mouth but for once, he had no words. A a little heart-shaped balloon appeared over his head. The unicorn giggled. Zany shook his head and quickly popped the balloon.
“Uh, hi,” he said blushing furiously. “You...uh...new to Ponyville?”
The purple unicorn looked at him in surprise. “It's been awhile since I was last here,” she said, smiling slyly.
“Well, things have changed in the last couple of years” said Zany. He stepped up close and smiled his brightest. “Care for me to show you around?”
The unicorn giggled. “Don't mind if you do.”
She levitated two suitcases, but Zany quickly snatched them from her. “Oh, no! I insist!”
“Such a gentlecolt!” she chirped. Zany walked ahead, eager to show the pretty filly around.
“So...you have family in Ponyville?” he asked.
“Yes,” she nodded with a smile. “It's been a long time since I've been here. I'm going to school in Canterlot and Princess Luna sent me to the Crystal Empire for a year to do some research...”
“Princess Luna!” cried Zany in surprise. “I didn't know Princess Luna taught!”
“Oh, yes. She teaches in-depth Astronomy, Metaphysics, and Equestrian law. I'm her star pupil,” she added with a blush of pride.
“Wow!” said Zany, very impressed. Of all the princesses, Luna was his favorite. He loved hearing from Aunt Pinkie Pie how Luna had scared everyone in Ponyville on her first Nightmare Night: turning the toy spiders into real ones, posing as Nightmare Moon to scare the foals, and (Zany's favorite) shooting a lightning bolt at Aunt Rainbow Dash! True, she could be very serious, but she definitely had a chaotic side! “Wish I could take lessons with her. I'll bet it would be more interesting than the ones I take under Princess Twilight.”
The unicorn filly, looked at him sharply. “What's wrong with Princess Twilight?”
“Nothing, really,” Zany shrugged. “Don't get me wrong, I love her and all, but she just lectures sooooo much! And don't get me started on her lists! She is so organized, she has lists for her lists!”
“Something wrong with that?”
Zany grinned slyly. “Let's just say, I'm not a big fan of organization. It's a little trait I inherited on my Dad's side.”
“I see,” the filly smirked. “By the way, you do realize that you're escorting me into town and you haven't once asked where I was going.”
“Oh, right!” Zany blushed with embarrassment. “So, where are you going?”
“The Carousel Boutique. I'm getting a gown for the Grand Galloping Gala. It will be my first time attending.”
“Really? It's my first time too! My Dad and I have been coming up with great pranks to play on those hoity-toity ponies!”
The unicorn giggled. “Can't wait to see them.”
Zany smiled broadly, showing off his fang. If the unicorn filly saw it, she didn't mention it. She was really pretty, he thought. So poised and ,yet, she had a good sense of humor. He wondered if she had a colt friend.
Before long, they reached the Boutique. Zany cringed when he saw his father floating near the entrance, reading an upside down newspaper and eating a bowl of cherry pits. He glanced nervously at the unicorn filly, wondering what she would think of the draconequess. To his relief, she did not seem to be scared or intimidated.
“Hey, Dad,” he said quietly. “What are you doing here?”
Discord glanced at his son over the newspaper. “I am waiting for your mother to finish getting fitted for the gown she will be wearing to the Grand Galloping Gala. All the girls are in there chattering and giggling about this and that. Ergo, the reason I am out here, safely out of earshot. They talk about us you know,” he added darkly.
The unicorn filly chuckled at Discord's words. “We do, you know. We really do!” Discord lowered his paper and squinted at her.
“Hello, Uncle Discord, “ she said with a grin.
“Hello, Twinkle Sparkle,” Discord nodded to her.
“TWINKLE SPARKLE!” Zany stared at the unicorn in disbelief as she removed her cape, revealing a pair of purple wings. Twinkle Sparkle! Aunt Twilight's daughter. His old rival! When they fought as foals, only Discord had been powerful enough to separate them.
Twinkle giggled as she relieved the dumbfounded colt of her baggage.
“Thanks for the escort, Zany,” she said winking at him.
The chaotic colt continued to stare even after she disappeared into the Boutique. Discord frowned at his son.
“Zany?”
“I can't believe it!” Zany whispered. “That was Twinkle! Twinkle Sparkle! I'd have never guessed...”
“Zany,” said Discord.
“It must have been the way she wore her hair. All flowing down the back instead of that bang cut like her mom has...”
“Zany.”
“It also looks darker. Maybe she's trying to look like Luna or something cuz...”
“ZANY!”
The colt stopped talking and looked at his father questioningly. Discord leaned in close and glared into his son's lollipop eyes. He pointed his lion's paw at the Boutique door.
“No!”
The Chaotic Three: A Zany Story
“And then she says 'Thanks for the escort, Zany'. Can you believe it! I almost shot lightning out my nose! I was that surprised!”
“That's nice, dear,” said Fluttershy, smiling. She was busy putting together a potato salad for dinner at Sweet Apple Acres. “Twinkle was very pleased to see you, too. She had us laughing at the joke she played on you.”
“I just can't believe it,” said Zany, floating on his back over his mother's head. “She's changed so much. For one thing, she's taller. I guess that's an alicorn thing. And her mane is all silky and flowing. You think Luna will teach her how it make it flutter all the time?”
Discord, who was busy boiling, peeling, and dicing up eggs all at the same time, growled low. “If we say 'Yes. Probably. Most likely.' will you give it a REST?”
Fluttershy glanced questioningly at her husband. “Is something wrong, dear?”
“Oh, no,” said Discord sarcastically as he diced the eggs into teeny tiny cubes. “I've just had to listen to our fifteen year old son flip his lid over some filly he used to fight with when he was a foal. You two never got along!” he said, pointing up at his son who was now dancing across the ceiling. “Remember all the times I had to separate you two and lock you in magic proof bubbles just so I could get some peace?”
Zany grinned. “Yeah, then we started rolling the bubbles at each other. I bet it sounded like a bowling alley downstairs!”
Discord growled again, showing every sharp tooth he had in his head. “Zany, I am serious! You are NOT going to date Twinkle Sparkle! I forbid it! Absolutely, positively forbid it!”
“Discord!” Fluttershy cried, spinning around to face her husband. “What is wrong with you? All those things are in the past. Zany can date who he wishes!”
“Not her!” said the draconequess putting his hoof down. “Remember, this is Twilight's daughter we're talking about. TWILIGHT! Princess Prissy! The OCD Poster Pony of Equestria! THAT Twilight!” Fluttershy and Zany ducked as Discord tried to dice up a raw egg. The yoke exploded all over him. “I have managed to accept my daughter marrying the prince of Changelings, but my son married to the daughter of the most obsessively organized, most un-chaotic pony in Equestria?” He shivered. “It doesn't bear thinking!”
“Marriage?” Zany dropped from the ceiling, flipped over, and landed cat-like on his hooves. “I'm only 15, Dad, and Twinkle's only 13. I just want to ask her to dance at the Gala. That's all. No need to worry about marriage. It'll probably never happen.”
Discord cleaned the yoke from his fur. “That's what they all say,” he muttered.
“My studies are coming along really well, Mom. I can do long distance teleportation spells now. Though, Princess Luna said I should be careful about using them. If you do a transportation spell, you never know where you might end up...”
Princess Twilight Sparkle listened quietly as her daughter Twinkle chattered about her studies. Her little filly was so excited to be Princess Luna's prized pupil. Twilight was proud, but she couldn't help feeling a little disappointed. “It's all nice dear,” she said quietly.
Twinkle looked at her mother strangely. “What is it, Mom? I thought you'd be happy that I was being personally mentored by a Princess!”
“I am,” said Twilight, smiling but Twinkle noticed the smile did not reach her eyes. “I just thought that... well, since Princess Celestia had been my mentor, that...well, you know.”
Twinkle laid her hoof on her mother's shoulder. “I know, Mom. You really love Princess Celestia. I do, too. But I'm really happy to be Luna's student. I wish you could happy with me.”
Twilight sighed. “I love Princess Luna, Twinkle, and I trust her as your mentor. It's just that...I don't know her all that well. You and the others have grown up knowing who she is and what she's like. I didn't have that opportunity until later in my life. And then I first knew her as Nightmare Moon.”
“I understand,” said Twinkle softly, nuzzling her mother's warm neck. She knew the story: how her mother and other members of the Mane 6 had activated the Elements of Harmony and turned Nightmare Moon back into Luna. After having been banished for a 1000 years, it had taken the Princess a long time to develop any relationships. But, she had done it and now the ponies of Equestria loved their princess of the night.
Twinkle glanced at her mother's face. A tear had escaped one of Twilight's eyes and was slowly rolling down her cheek. She wished she could tell her mother the whole truth about why Luna had chosen her. It would make her feel better if she knew. But the Princess had asked her to keep it quiet...at least for now. Twinkle grinned to herself. If her mother only knew...
Applejack hovered over Cinnamon Roll, watching nervously as her daughter boldly mixed the ingredients for her new apple recipe. Apples, sweet onions, and spices she had never even heard of were all going into a enormous pan to bake until suppertime. The southern pony bit her lip and sat on her hooves to keep from interfering. Her husband Spike, who was busy preparing the filling for the dumplings, shook his head in amusement.
“Come on, Applejack. I need you to roll out the dough for me.”
“Okay,” she said, reluctantly walking over to assist him. She slapped the dough onto a floured mat and began to roll it out. Still, she kept looking over shoulder...shuddering at each new ingredient her daughter threw into the mix. Spike gave her a playful nudge.
“Don't worry, babe. Cinnamon Roll knows what she's doing.”
“Yeah, I know,” said Applejack quietly. “But this isn't Canterlot or Manehattan. This is Ponyville. Folks around here have a different idea of what tastes good.”
“Well, I can't wait to try it,” said Applespike, giving his sister an admiring look. He carried a bowl of peeled apple slices to her. “I don't mind if it's fancy or not. You are the best cooker in the family...uh...” he glanced guiltily at his mother and Granny Smith who had just wandered into the kitchen. “After Granny and Mom, I mean.” he finished lamely.
“Nice save, son,” said Spike, grinning.
The half pony blushed and decided it would be safer to change the subject. “I was really surprised to see Jewel today. She hasn't been to Ponyville since she became a model. I can't believe how beautiful she is!”
Applejack frowned and rolled the dough harder. “Yeah, neither can I,” she muttered through clenched teeth.
“I've seen her pictures on those fashion magazines at the store. But to see her again in person...” Applespike smiled dreamily. “It was wonderful. Maybe, I'll ask her to dance with me at the Gala!”
“Now, don't get your hopes up, Sugarcube,” said Applejack, quickly. “Jewel's a sweet filly, I'm sure, but she lives a life a lot different from us. She's out modeling, and jet-setting with all those Manehattan folks. She may not have time for...well...folks like us.”
Applespike thought for a moment then shrugged. “Can't hurt to ask.”
“I hope it don't,” his mother murmured.
Spike looked closely at his wife's face. She was frowning, her bottom lip was trembling slightly. “Son, could you go check on your uncle Big Mac and see if he needs any help setting up the tables in the gazebo?”
Applespike nodded and trotted out the back door. Spike laid his claw on Applejack's hoof. “What is it, A.J?” he asked tenderly. “You worried about Applespike and Jewel?”
Tears leaked from Applejack's eyes. “Yes! You think I've forgotten how her mother treated you all those years ago? Led you on, then broke your heart!” Applejack left the table to blow her nose into a napkin.
Spike shook his head. “That's all in the past, A.J. Rarity and I talked it out. She apologized and I forgave her. Besides...” He stood up and put a comforting arm around her shoulder. “Remember when the Changelings attacked and tried to convince you that you were sloppy seconds?”
Applejack was too choked up to speak. She could only nod her head. Spike placed a claw under her chin, raising her face to look at him.
“It was Rarity who defended you and told me what they had said.” He looked deeply into her eyes. “Do you remember what I told you?”
Applejack gulped. “Rarity is a jewel, but I am pure gold.”
“That's right.” Spike kissed her tenderly on the lips. “And don't you forget it.”
“I just don't want our son getting his heart broke,” Applejack whispered. “Especially since Jewel is seeing someone else.”
“Someone else?” said Spike frowning.
“Some high-falutin' colt model named Stud Muffin! It's been in all the gossip pages. They've been seen together at all kinds of events. They're supposed to be attending the Gala together.”
Cinnamon Roll snorted. “That's because that manager of Jewel's insists on it. He thinks they make the perfect couple. Honestly, if it were up to Jewel, she'd choose Applespike or Zany in a heartbeat.
Applejack sighed. “I hope you're right.”
“Darling, it is so GOOD to have you home again!” cried Rarity hugging her daughter to her as if she would never let go. It had been three years since Jewel had last set hoof in Ponyville. Rarity, Fancy Pants, and Gemstone had all traveled several times to Canterlot and Manehattan to visit, but their time together was always cut short by Picture Perfect and his staff. It seemed like a miracle that she was there now. No appointments. No hovering staff. No cameras flashing. Just her little filly and her loving family.
“Is there a hug for me?” asked Fancy Pants, walking into the room.
“Daddy!” Jewel squealed, throwing her hooves around her father's neck. Fancy Pants closed his eyes and tried to keep from crying as he hugged her to him. “Oh, Daddy! I'm so happy to see you!”
“Not as happy as we are to see you, I wager,” he managed to say as the tears escaped from his eyes. He magicked a hoofkerchief from his pocket and blew his nose. “If only you could stay longer.”
Some of the happiness drained from the filly's face. “I can't. I have a dinner party tomorrow night in Canterlot. Then there's a photo shoot in Fillydelphia. Then I have to go through a rehearsal for my entrance to the Grand Galloping Gala. No one knows what it is yet, but Picture Perfect has something big planned for that night.”
“I'm not surprised,” said Rarity airily. “He is one the biggest names in fashion. Of course, he would want to show off his prized star!”
“Yes,” said Jewel quietly. “Of course he would.”
The three ponies wandered into the kitchen where Gemstone was putting the finishing touches on a cucumber, carrot, and tomato salad for the dinner that night. She paused just long enough to give her little sister a nuzzle.
“Good to see you, baby sister,” she said. “Sorry, I can't give you a hug but I've been cutting onions. Whew!”
“Whew, indeed!” cried their mother, waving hoof in front of her face. “You need a bath before we attend the dinner tonight. Use the jasmine soap. It should cut out the smell of sulfur.”
“Yes, Mummy,” said Gemstone dutifully. She turned to her sister. “So, how is life as one of Equestria's premiere supermodels? You getting to see the world like you hoped?”
Jewel shrugged. “Yes and no. Mostly I just see it through the window of my train car as we pass by. I have been to several lovely landmarks, but I was working and not able to explore.” She sighed wistfully. “It makes me think of the fun I used to have with Applespike and Zany. Like the time Zany was trying out his teleportation spell and accidentally sent us to Saddle Arabia in the middle of a sandstorm! Oh, we had a time trying to get back before anyone noticed we were gone.” Jewel looked around at her family's stunned faces. “Uh, maybe I shouldn't have told you that.”
“Do you ever hear from them when you're on the road?” asked Gemstone. “I know Applespike sends you letters at least once a week. Do you get them?”
“Yes, thanks to that spell of Aunt Twilight's.” When she had first left Ponyville, her friends had begged the alicorn princess to put the same messaging spell on Applespike that Princess Celestia had put on his father Spike. Picture Perfect wasn't happy with it, but there wasn't anything he could do to stop it. “I just wish I had alicorn powers on my end so I could send letters back faster.” she said.
“Does it bother your colt friend that you're exchanging letters with an old flame back home?” asked Gemstone, teasingly.
“What?” said Jewel in confusion.
“It's in all the fashion magazines, darling,” said Rarity “You and Stud Muffin are all the talk of Manehattan. The gossip columns can't talk of anything else.”
“Really?” said Fancy Pants, raising an eyebrow. “And when are we going to meet this young colt friend of yours? I hope he is a gentlecolt and treats you well.”
Jewel smiled weakly. “Don't worry, Daddy. You will see him at the Gala.” She did not say anything about how he treated her. “Be prepared for lots of photographers. Picture Perfect wants the meeting to look perfect!”
If they only knew how imperfect it really was.
Author's Note
I've only read one story where Spike actually kisses Applejack on the lips. So I made sure they smooched here.
The Chaotic Three: A Zany Story
It was 6:30. The guests were starting to arrive, but there was still a lot to do. Discord assisted Big Mac in hanging the lanterns in the gazebo while Zany helped Applespike lay the tablecloths. Fluttershy assisted Applejack in the kitchen while Spike counted the dishes and silverware.
“Let's see. There's us, Big Mac and Cherilee, Twilight, Flash, and Twinkle. Rarity, Fancy Pants, Gemstone, Jewel. Pinkie, Red Shoes, and the Tri-Pies. Discord, Fluttershy, Zany..er...are Screwy and Mothball coming too?” he asked Fluttershy.
“Oh, yes! They said they wouldn't miss it for the world,” said Fluttershy.
“Okay, then,” Spike quickly crunched the numbers. “That's twenty-five place settings and we have,” He checked his lists. “One hundred twenty-five plates, forks, spoons, and knives.”
Applejack grinned at Fluttershy's surprised face. “We host a lot of family reunions, you know.”
“Yoohoo! Is anyone here?” Rarity and Jewel entered through the kitchen door followed by Gemstone who was levitating a large crystal bowl containing her salad. “We're here! Fancy Pants insisted on assisting Granny Smith with the cider.”
“Where would you like this, Aunt Applejack?” asked Gemstone.
“On the table, Sugarcube. Right next to the potato salad. Thank ya'll for bringing the food! At least there's something everyone will eat,” she added darkly.
“Oooh! May I help set the table, Aunt Applejack?” asked Jewel sweetly.
“Sure, Sweetpea.” Applejack motioned her towards the tower of plates and enormous box of silverware.
“I'll get the plates,” said Gemstone, levitating the dishes so they flew single-file out the door. Jewel followed behind with the silverware. The sun was just setting as they reached the gazebo. Discord stood, looking up at the many lanterns hanging from hooks high in the rafters.
“Now?” he asked Big Mac.
“Eyup.”
Discord waved his paw and all the lanterns lit up with a bright, happy glow.
“Nice,” said Big Mac, nodding his approval. Discord smirked. It took a lot to impress the laconic pony into saying something other than “Eyup” and “Nope”. Both of them turned as the unicorn sisters approached.
“Place settings! So we are one step closer to getting this over with, hmmm?” asked Discord, grinning.
“Yes, sir,” said Gemstone. She and Jewel were used to the draconequess's off-the-wall remarks. Carefully, she laid out the plates as Jewel counted out the forks and knives. No one noticed her slipping the spoons under the table. Applespike laid the spoons on a clean tea towel while Zany powered up his magic.
“This won't hurt the food, right?” asked Applespike nervously. “I really want to taste those dumplings.”
“No,” said Zany, his spiral eyes starting to glow with chaotic magic. “It's just the spoons.” There was a quick blue flash, like the flash from a camera. The spoons glowed for a second then returned to normal. “Don't worry.” the chaotic colt grinned evilly. “This will be a prank to remember.”
Pinkie Pie and her family arrived next bearing boxes of sweet buttered rolls.
“I wanted to bring cupcakes," the party pony tried to explain. "But you're having apple dumplings, so that would be too much dessert. Can't believe I said that! You can NEVER have too much dessert! But, I thought sweet buttered rolls would be okay. They're sweet, but not dessert! Unless you want them for dessert, then you can put jam or honey or syrup--”
“Yes, thank you, Pinkie,” said Applejack, emptying the still hot rolls into a covered basket. Spike placed them on a tea trolley along side the other foods and rolled them out to the gazebo. The apple dumplings were left in the oven to stay warm.
They were placing the food on the table, when Twilight, Twinkle and Flash suddenly appeared in a bright purple POOF!.
“Sorry, we're late,” said Twilight blushing. “I was trying to make a pineapple upside down cake, but it didn't work out so well.”
Discord leaned on his eagle claw and smirked. “You know, you aren't supposed to bake it upside down, right?” he asked.
"Of course I do!" Twilight snapped. "At least I do NOW!”
“Oh, don't worry. Dad made the same mistake once,” said Screwball, floating down in a giant pink soap bubble. Her husband, Mothball, fluttered down beside her and thoughtfully popped it for her. “Only he put a whole upside down pineapple in it. At least he ate it.”
Everyone chuckled at Screwy's remark except Discord, who gave his daughter a dirty look. “How many times do I have to tell you not to interrupt me when I am mocking?”
Applejack surveyed the table. Everything was set. The food was ready to be served. She looked at her brother and Granny who both nodded.
“All right, everyone! Have a seat and let's eat!”
There were no seating arrangements. Everyone sat where they felt most comfortable. Discord, Fluttershy, Screwy and Mothball sat together at one end of the table while Applejack, Big Mac, Cherliee, Granny Smith and Spike sat at the other. Fancy Pants, Rarity and Gemstone sat next to the Apple family so Fancy Pants could assist in pouring the cider. Pinkie Pie, Red Shoes, Twilight and Flash sat near Discord and Fluttershy. That left the youngsters sitting in a group near the center of the table. Twinkle sat with the Tri-Pies on one side while Zany, Applespike, and Jewel sat opposite. Cinnamon Roll happily served her new dish to the guests.
“I hope you like it!” she chirped. “It's a new recipe I've been working on. I call it Apples and Onions!”
“It sure smells good, Sugarcube,” said Applejack, looking at the stuff doubtfully. Her's wasn't the only unsure look.
“I'm sure it's delicious,” said Rarity weakly.
Only Discord didn't seem daunted. “Apples and Onions? Never thought I'd hear those two words that close in a sentence. Sounds perfectly chaotic!”
He scooped a huge forkful into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. “I am very disappointed,” he said frowning. “This actually tastes good.”
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief and dug in with relish. Fancy Pants spoke for the crowd when he raised his glass of cider in salute.
"Excellent, my dear! My compliments to the chef!"
Cinnamon Roll glowed with pride. Spike squeezed Applejack's hoof under the table.
Meanwhile, the Tri-Pies were whispering to the Chaotic Three across the table.
“Oooh, I'm so excited!" squealed Raspberry. "Are you going to do a prank tonight?”
“What are you going to do?" asked Cherry. "Never mind! Let it be a surprise!”
“I'll bet it's good. Whatever it is!” grinned Blueberry.
Zany just smiled. “Wait, ladies. Just wait.”
Rarity watched in concern as Jewel loaded her plate with double helpings of potato salad and three sweet buttered rolls. The little filly dug in slowly, a look of bliss plastered across her face. That look was what kept Rarity from reminding her daughter of the supermodel diet Picture Perfect had her on. She looked so happy sitting there surrounded by her friends. A tear dripped down her face before she could catch it.
“Are you all right, Sugarcube?” asked Applejack quietly.
Rarity sniffed. “Yes, of course! I was just thinking how happy I am to have Jewel home. She's missed everyone so much.”
“Looks like she's missed the food too!" Spike chuckled. "Look out, Big Mac. You've got some stiff competition!”
“Eyup,” Big Mac smiled. He was glad to see the poor little filly enjoying her meal. She didn't look like she ate much.
“Well, it's all right for her to splurge this once,” said Fancy Pants sighing. “She'll be leaving us tomorrow. Dinner parties, photo shoots. At least we'll get to see her at the Gala.”
“Yes,” added Rarity. “And we finally get to meet her colt friend, Stud Muffin.”
Applejack looked up sharply. “You're...you're gonna meet him?” she asked.
Fancy Pants nodded. “I'm glad of the opportunity. It is most awkward watching your daughter being courted in the fashion magazines. At least he is being a gentlecolt and wishes to meet with us.”
Applejack's mouth went dry. She glanced at her son who was smiling fondly at Jewel. His father used to look like that long ago whenever he mooned over Rarity. The look made her sick.
“Excuse me, I'm going to check on the dumplings,” she said suddenly.
“I'll help you,” said Spike following her.
Cinnamon Roll looked questioningly at Jewel. The little unicorn had said nothing about Stud Muffin meeting her parents at the Gala. In fact, she hardly mentioned him at all. The only thing she had wanted to talk about was what Applespike and Zany had been up to. Then, she saw Jewel look at her brother. She saw the way her eyes softened and the happy little smile that played at her lips. Cinnamon Roll knew that look. It was the same look her parents shared sometimes when they watched the sunset over the trees. It the was same look Dinky gave her brother Cinnamon Stick when they got married.
“Dessert is here!” cried Spike hauling the apple dumplings on the tea trolley.
“Yea!” cried Pinkie and the Tri-Pies. An explosion of cupcake scented confetti snowed down.
The Chaotic Crusaders glanced at each other and grinned. Cinnamon Roll scooped the sweet golden-brown pastry into Granny's apple-shaped dessert bowls while Spike ensured everyone got served. Even Mothball, who only ate chocolate, got a little dab to try.
Rarity sniffed the sweet aroma and sighed. “Oh, it smells delectable, darling,” she said to Cinnamon Roll. “I can't wait to try it!”
“Me neither!” cried Pinkie Pie snatching up her spoon. Everyone else followed suit. For a moment, there was no noise but the sound of metal spoons hitting and scraping the dishes and the occasional “Mmmmm!” of a satisfied pony. Zany glanced slyly around the table.
“Any minute now,” he whispered.
Hiccup! Fluttershy placed a hoof over her mouth and blushed. “Excuse me—Hic!” She stared as a swarm of yellow and pink bubbles blew from her nose. “Discord!” she said, looking accusingly at her husband.
“I didn't—Hic!” Gray and green bubbles popped from Discord's ears.
Pinkie laughed. “That's funny—Hic!” Bubbles the color of bubblegum flew from her mouth.
“What in tarnation—Hic!” Granny Smith watched as bright green bubbles sailed past her eyes. Soon, everyone but the Chaotic Crusaders was hiccuping and blowing bubbles that matched their colors.
“ZANY DRACON (Hic) EQUESS!” Cinnamon Roll roared, brown and silver bubbles flying from her mouth. “I know you did this, you no good little stinker!” She snatched up a wooden spoon from the table and advanced on the colt.
“Take it easy, Cinnamon,” said Zany, looking unconcerned. “I didn't hurt the food. It's just the spoons.”
Cinnamon Roll was too angry to care. She raised the spoon to smack him. POOF! Zany turned it into a marshmallow mallet. She brought it down on him anyway. Just before impact there was another POOF! and the mallet turned into a large metal soup ladle.
“YEOW!” Zany yelled, covering his head with his hooves as Cinnamon Roll whaled away at him. He tried to cast a spell. “Teleport! OW! Freeze! OW! Marshmallow! OW! Help! OW!”
“That's enough, Sugarcube,” said Applejack, taking the ladle from Cinnamon Roll. “There's no harm done. I'll just get another set of spoons for everyone.”
“You okay, Zany?” Applespike asked, putting a hoof on his friend's back.
“Yeah,” said Zany rubbing his head where the ladle had first struck. “Wow! I didn't think your sister would get that mad!”
“All chefs are like that," said Jewel knowingly. "She is studying under that griffon Gustave Le Grande. And you know how bad tempered griffons are.”
Zany snorted. “What I'd like to know is who turned my marshmallow mallet into a metal ladle! Like I didn't know—Dad!”
Discord rolled his eyes. “What is it with all these accusations? You know I don't interfere with your chaos. Perhaps you should look to your sister. That sounds like a prank she'd play.”
“Not me,” said Screwy, grinning. “But I sure wish I had thought of it.”
Zany narrowed his eyes. He, his father, his sister, and Twilight Sparkle were the only ones present who could do transformations. It was not like Discord and Screwball to play a prank and not own up to it. And Twilight wasn't much of a prankster. Not like her daughter...
Twinkle! Zany stared suspiciously across the table where the purple alicorn was sitting, looking so innocent. She caught his glance and a huge wicked smile slowly scrawled across her face. Zany stared at her in surprise. Then a sinister grin mirroring hers spread across his face.
The rivalry was back on!
Author's Note
I read part of this chapter to my husband (who is not a fan of MLP). He said it sounded like psychedelic acid trip.
The Chaotic Three: A Zany Story
The express train to Canterlot chugged into the Ponyville station right on time. Jewel, for one, would not have minded it being late. Rarity, Fancy Pants and Gemstone took turns hugging her goodbye.
“I love you, my darling,” said Rarity with tears in her voice. “Please, take care.”
“I will,” she promised.
“My little filly,” said Fancy Pants, sniffing. “We'll see you at the Gala! Try to save a dance for your old father.”
“Of course, Daddy.” Her bottom lip trembled.
“I'll miss you, little sister,” said Gemstone, holding her tight. She turned her head to kiss her cheek then placed her mouth close to her ear.
“Zany told me to give you a message,” she whispered.
“What is it?”
Gemstone chuckled. “He said to be sure to look out the window as you leave Ponyville. That's all.”
Jewel nodded, wondering what the self-proclaimed Crown Prince of Chaos was planning to do.
“Miss Jewel?” A large black unicorn with a short cropped silver mane stood looking down at her. “You need to get on board now if you want to make that dinner in Canterlot. There will be photographers when we get there, of course, so you must look your best. Your beautician and dresser are waiting for you in the car. In Celestia's name! You didn't go off your diet, did you? That dress will never fit if you did!”
“It's all right, Goodnight,” said Jewel, smiling her most winning smile. “Everything is fine. May I introduce you to my family?”
The unicorn stallion snorted. “We don't have time for this! Now, get on board. Hup! Hup!” Jewel squeaked in embarrassment as he nudged her rudely in the cutie mark.
“I beg your pardon!” said Fancy Pants stepping forward angrily. “No pony mare-handles my daughter like that!”
Goodnight glared down at the white unicorn stallion. He was bigger than Fancy Pants but he noticed the white unicorn's horn was already charged and ready to fight.
“I apologize,” he said with a little ironic bow. “But we are late. Good day!” With that, he spun around and followed Jewel into the train car.
Fancy Pants glared after him, his teeth bared and his horn glowing brighter every second. Rarity stared. Never had she seen her urbane husband so enraged.
“Darling?” she said quietly, placing a hoof on his shoulder. Fancy Pants startled at her touch. Some of the anger left his eyes and his horn slowly powered down.
“Oh, Rarity,” he said, dropping his head. “What have we allowed our daughter to get into?”
“Soooo, how was your visit?” asked a buff colored earth pony as she wet and shampooed Jewel's mane. “You get to see those friends of yours? The dragon pony and the dracon...uh...the one with the crazy magic.”
Jewel smiled. “Oh, yes. It was like old times. Only we're not foals anymore. Zany has grown into a dashing young colt. And Applespike...” her smile wavered a little. “Is as sweet and wonderful as ever.”
“You get into any mischief?” asked a cream colored unicorn filly as she levitated three different outfits for Jewel's perusal.
“Maybe,” she chuckled. “Where is Goodnight?”
“In the dining car, talking to some muckity-mucks from the fashion scene. So, spill it! What did you and your friends do this time?”
Jewel told them all about the dinner party, the enchanted spoons, the multicolored bubbles, and the beating poor Zany had received at the hooves of the sweet Cinnamon Roll. The two mares almost rolled with laughter.
“You have some crazy friends,” said the buff colored mare, wiping her eyes. “I wish Picture Perfect would let you visit Ponyville more often. You look so much happier.”
“Yes,” said Jewel quietly. “So do I.”
“Hey! What's that?”
Jewel lifted her soapy head from the basin and looked. Both mares were staring out the window at a gray colt with a pink mane who was flying right next to the train. Jewel shouted and waved. Zany smiled, flashing his fang. He was wearing flight goggles and a harness with a long rope trailing behind him.
“What is that crazy colt doing?” the unicorn mare wondered. Jewel wondered the same thing. Zany pointed to her with his hoof then pointed behind him. Jewel looked and let out a gasp. A huge bird shaped kite hung in the air several feet above the train. Tied to it was a thoroughly frightened but very determined light brown pony with a green mane and dragon's tail.
“Applespike!” Jewel shrieked, waving to him. The dragon pony waved back, a sick smile plastered on his face. The two older mares, who of course had never seen either pony before, stared in wide-eyed surprise.
“Celestia on her throne!” breathed the earth pony. “And I was starting to think they were just some tall-tale you invented!”
“That gray one is flying without wings!" cried the unicorn mare. "How is he doing it?"
"Chaotic magic," answered Jewel with a shrug.
"Wow! I've never seen a pony who could do magic without a horn!"
“What is the meaning of this!” All three jumped as Goodnight burst through the door. “I have a train car full of the most prestigious ponies in the fashion world and there's a blinking freak show going on outside!”
“They're not freaks!” said Jewel angrily. “They're just my friends seeing me off.”
“Well that is just what we do not need,” said Goodnight, glaring out the window. His horn glowed bright yellow. Jewel watched as the rope connecting Zany to the kite suddenly burst into the flames. They all heard a far away cry of fear as the rope turned to ash and the kite nosedived towards the earth.
“No!” Jewel screamed, banging her hooves against the glass.
Zany did a neat u-turn and zoomed toward his friend.
“He'll never make it!” cried the unicorn mare, covering her face with her hooves.
POOF! A giant marshmallow appeared under the falling pony. Applespike belly flopped safely into the soft stuff and lay still, too shocked at his sudden brush with death to move.
Jewel went weak with relief.
“Now, the show is over you can get back to work,” Goodnight snapped at the two mares. He used his magic to yank Jewel away from the window and place her back in the beautician's chair. “Get that soap out her mane and condition it well. I won't have it looking like she's been living on a farm. And make sure her hooves are presentable.” He turned on the unicorn mare. “Use that lavender dress with the diamond shaped jewels. And make sure it is pressed and ready to go. And pick out a hat. The bigger the better. You know how they are in Canterlot...”
“You!” Jewel shouted, rising from the chair. “My friend could have been killed! What were you thinking?”
“Thinking about your image, my dear,” said Goodnight over his shoulder. “And what Picture Perfect would say if he knew about this.” His horn glowed again and Jewel was forced back into the beautician's chair. “I'm sure you wouldn't want that.”
Jewel quietly laid back and let the buff pony rinse her hair. With all the water splashing her face, no one noticed her tears.
"Marshmallow. Of all the things, it had to be a marshmallow."
"It was the first soft thing I could think of," said Zany, clenching his teeth as he concentrated on levitating Applespike out of the sticky confection. He could have just banished the marshmallow, but he didn't want to risk accidentally banishing his best friend. He gave an extra hard pull and the dragon pony slowly emerged, covered head to hoof in blobs of melted marshmallow.
"Now I know what a s'more feels like," Applespike grumbled.
"Hey, it's not my fault you belched fire when you landed!" said Zany, grinning. He conjured a box of graham crackers and a pack of Horshey's chocolate bars. "Want some?"
"Sure." Applespike shrugged. Zany scraped some of the melted marshmallow from his friend's back and slapped it on two squares of crackers and chocolate. They ate their s'mores in silence, watching as the train disappeared over the hills towards Canterlot.
"By the way," said Applespike after a while. "What the hay happened to the rope? I was scared half out of mind up there, but I don't think I breathed any fire."
"You didn't," said Zany, frowning furiously. "It was that big unicorn stallion in the car with Jewel. I saw his horn light up right before the rope caught fire."
Applespike's jaw dropped open in shock. "You...you mean he did it on purpose? Holy smokes! I could been killed!" His reptilian eyes turned a brighter shade of green. Little tongues of flame darted between his clenched teeth. "Wait till I get my hooves on him!"
"Stand in line," growled Zany, smoke billowing from his ears. "No one endangers my friends or ruins one of my stunts and gets away with it!"
"I didn't even get to show Jewel my banner," Applespike added, pulling a long, bedraggled piece of cloth from the mess.
JEWEL, WILL YOU DANCE WITH ME AT THE GALA? It read.
Zany patted his friend comfortingly on the back. "That's okay. You'll still have a chance to ask her at the Gala. And I'll have a chance to get even with that unicorn stallion. I've got to think up something extra special for him."
Applespike grinned. "Like a little...FIRE?"
Zany gave a wicked laugh. "My friend, I like how you think!"
“And it was the most outrageous behavior I have ever seen in my life,” Rarity declared angrily. She, Twilight, Applejack, and Fluttershy sat in the sauna with Twinkle, Cinnamon Roll, and Gemstone. All seven lounged on the benches wearing white robes, their manes wrapped in turbans.
“My goodness, that's awful!” said Fluttershy. “What did you do?”
“Too be honest, I was too shocked to do anything, Darling,” said Rarity. “I mean the brute just poked her in the flank like she was a sheep or something! Thank goodness Fancy Pants was there to defend Jewel from that ruffian. He was so angry, I thought they might duel right there on the platform!”
“Fancy Pants? Really?” said Applejack, trying not to laugh. “Oh, come on, Rarity. You exaggerate a lot, but Fancy Pants dueling? That's just too much.”
“I am not exaggerating!” said Rarity indignantly. “I promise, you would not have recognized him. He was that angry.”
“It's the truth,” said Gemstone nodding. “I've never seen Daddy like this before. He was in that stallion's face, his horn lit up and everything! He made that nasty stallion back down and apologize...though I think the brute was being sarcastic when he did it.”
“Well, I'm not surprised at how Fancy Pants behaved,” said Fluttershy, placing a hoof on Rarity's shoulder. “That is his daughter and a good father will always defend his little girl. Discord always defended Screwy, and still does.”
“Thank you, Fluttershy,” said Rarity, giving her friend a nuzzle. “I know Fancy Pants was unhappy that we were only able to see Jewel for a day. How I wish we had never allowed her to sign that contract with Picture Perfect!”
“How did that come about again?” asked Twilight. “Didn't Jewel meet him at the School for Gifted Unicorns?”
“Yes. He was in Canterlot 'scouting for a new face', he said. He discovered her when he was touring the school.” Rarity smiled sadly. “I was so happy for her. She wasn't doing as well at the school as she had hoped, so this seemed like a good opportunity for her. We never dreamed that contract she signed would be so exacting!”
“Oh! Is that why she hasn't been back to Ponyville in three years?” asked Fluttershy.
Rarity nodded. “I don't know what Picture Perfect has against Ponyville. I mean he's taken her to Appleloosa, and that's much more back woods than here!”
“Hey! That's my family you're talking about there,” said Applejack, frowning.
“I mean no offense, Darling,” said Rarity soothingly. “But it is smaller than Ponyville and they don't have any boutiques, spas, or anything that would interest a pony like him. Yet, he had no problem taking her there for a photo shoot with Stud Muffin.”
Only Cinnamon Roll noticed her mother stiffening at the mention of the stallion model.
“They're quite the pair, ain't they?” said Applejack with a forced smile. “Always going to parties and events together. She must really be keen on him.”
“She hasn't spoken to us much about him, but according to the magazines, it's a real romance. The handsome star stallion and his flawless filly. I'm quoting the magazine, of course , but it is a rather flattering description.”
“Yeah,” said Applejack under her breath. “Nice.”
The Southern pony was truthful, but that didn't mean she would share her thoughts and fears. Especially not with Rarity. She would never want the unicorn to know that Applespike, the offspring of Spike, was desperately in love with her daughter. Or that she feared that Jewel was playing with her son's affections.
“Getting back to the contract,” said Twilight. “How much longer does Jewel have before it ends?”
Rarity sighed. “Three more years.” There was a gasp from the other mares. Twinkle Sparkle, who had almost dozed off listening to the banter, suddenly snapped to attention.
“Three years? You mean she signed a six year contract?”
“Yes, dear. Picture Perfect insisted on it.”
“Oh, my,” said Fluttershy, looking distressed. “The contract I had with Photo Finish was no where near that long!”
“He said that's the way it's done now,” said Rarity, sighing again. “Six years and she has to do as he says. Meetings, photo shoots, special diets. It's ridiculous! Jewel's always been a healthy weight!”
“I thought she looked kinda skinny,” said Cinnamon Roll. “She sure tucked into that food last night. I hope she doesn't get in trouble for it.”
“Oh, I'm sure it will be all right,” said Rarity, shrugging. “It will take more than one little dalliance to affect her dress size.”
The mares continued their conversation but Twinkle Sparkle did not join in. Something Rarity had said about the contract bothered her. She wasn't sure what it was, but she believed she could figure it out once she got back to school. The school itself was closed until after the Grand Galloping Gala, but she would still be able to get into her room and access her books. She glanced guiltily at her mother. Twilight was enjoying her visit, and would be very disappointed if she cut it short. Oh, well. It wasn't that urgent.
“Twinkle?” The little alicorn jumped as Twilight nudged her. “Are you dozing off again? Rarity asked you a question.”
“Oh, I'm sorry, Aunt Rarity! What did you ask?”
“I just wanted to know if you had a colt friend lined up for the Gala, Darling” said Rarity smiling, slyly. “Jewel will be with Stud Muffin. Gemstone will be attending with a friend from Canterlot...”
“Green Clover,” said Gemstone quickly. “He's into lucky charms.”
“So, we were wondering if you had a date, Darling.” All the mares looked at Twinkle expectantly. The young alicorn blushed and looked at her hooves.
“No, I don't have anyone lined up. I wasn't planning on attending but Mom begged me and Princess Luna insisted I go this year.”
“Yeah, Twilight said you were Princess Luna's prized pupil,” said Applejack, patting her heartily on the back. “That's pretty high honor. We're all proud of ya.”
“Thanks,” said Twinkle, blushing even harder and hoping they didn't ask any more questions. “So Cinnamon Roll, do you have a colt friend lined up to dance?”
The little brown filly stared at the group like a deer caught on the railroad tracks with a train fast approaching. “Uh, yeah. I have....some...one lined up to dance with me. If he doesn't change his mind, that is.”
Applejack gazed lovingly at her daughter. “I'm sure he won't, sugarcube. Even he does, I'm sure you'll have lots of colts fightin' for the privilege to dance with you.”
Fluttershy giggled. “Keep cooking like you do, and you'll be married to one before you know it!”
Cinnamon Roll blushed a reddish brown. “Aunt Fluttershy! Really!”
Twinkle grinned mischievously at the yellow pegasus. “I'd like to see what you cooked to snag Uncle Discord!” Fluttershy blushed as the mares giggled.
“I'll have you know, Twinkle, that my wife is a fine cook. She makes delicious pies!”
The mares all gasped and turned to a steam-shrouded corner of the sauna where a long, lean figure was lazily reclining.
“Of course, she could bake a cake using cement and Froggy Bottom mud for icing, and I'd still have married her.”
“Discord!” said Fluttershy, stuck between wanting to chide him for spying and basking in his compliment. “How long have you been here?”
“Not long,” he said in a bored tone. “I just thought I'd stop in and see what you gals were up to. And you were right, Twinkle,” he added winking at the little alicorn. “They do talk about us!”
“Oh, come off it, Discord!” Applejack snapped. “We know that you fellas talk about us whenever ya'll get together by yourselves.”
Discord shrugged. “Oh, I talk about you all even if I'm by myself. I'm more free with my comments that way. Now, Twinkle Sparkle,” he added, looking at her slyly. “What is this I hear about you not having a date for the Gala? A lovely filly like yourself could surely find some colt to dance with. I'll bet Canterlot's just full of them!”
“So is Ponyville, Uncle Discord,” she replied innocently. Only Discord noticed the sly look on her face that mirrored his own.
“Yesss,” he answered slowly. “But, there is something you should know about the colts here in Ponyville.” He leaned in close and spoke in a stage whisper everyone could hear. “They are ALL highly poisonous!”
Fluttershy rolled her eyes. The other mares stared at the draconequess in confusion. What the hay was going on? Twinkle just giggled and patted his eagle claw. “Oh, Uncle Discord! If that were true Dinky would be dead!”
There was a moment of total silence as this sank in then every mare burst out laughing. Tears rolled down Rarity's cheeks. Applejack lay helplessly on her back, her legs kicking as she guffawed. Twilight snorted, pounding the bench with her hooves. Fluttershy giggled so hard, her whole body vibrated. Only Discord remained sober, though Twinkle thought she saw the corner of his mouth twitch.
“Such a little wise pony,” he muttered. “Must have inherited it from her father's side.”
“That's enough, dear,” said Fluttershy, finally getting control of herself. “Leave Twinkle alone.”
“My darling,” Discord purred sweetly. “I am only trying to ascertain that this mischievous little alicorn has no designs on our son.”
“What!” Twilight's eyes became round as soup bowls. “My Twinkle and Zany? Oh, no! No. No. No. No. No!” Twinkle squeaked as her mother wrapped her hooves around her neck and pulled her tightly against her. “There is no way my daughter could possibly have designs on your son. No offense Fluttershy! But there is no way, none what-so-ever, that Twinkle would even think of dating Zany! Isn't that right, Twinkle?” she added, squeezing her daughter harder on every syllable.
Twinkle croaked. “If I say 'no way' will you let go?”
Twilight quickly released her hold. “There! You see? Nothing! Ab-so-lute-ly nothing between them. At all!”
Twinkle looked from her mother's crazily smiling face to Discord's frowning, suspicious one then looked at the ground. “Yeah,” she said quietly. “Nothing at all.”
The Chaotic Three: A Zany Story
The morning of the Grand Galloping Gala was always one of the busiest in Canterlot. Sparkling clean tablecloths had to be draped over tables and adorned with vases of fresh cut flowers. A great crystal chandelier, which had been taken down for polishing the week before, had to be re-hung. It took three unicorns to lift it into place and a small Pegasus to quickly reattach it to the ceiling. A crew of ponies had to give the marble floor in the ballroom one last good sweep and ensure the windows were clean and free of smudges.
Twinkle Sparkle wandered in from the Grand Garden and watched as a group of Pegasi hung colorful banners from the rafters. If Pinkie Pie were here, she thought, she'd have the place decorated in no time with her party cannon. Of course, it would look more like a foal's birthday party, but it would definitely be more fun. At least Princess Celestia had allowed the pink pony to book the band for the event.
“Hey! Wipe your hooves!” one of the sweeper stallions bellowed. “We just finished sweeping there!”
“Sorry!” Twinkle carefully scraped her feet on a nearby mat.
“That's better,” said the stallion, mollified. He looked her over, taking in her horn and wings. “You can look around if you like. Just don't touch anything.”
“Thank you,” said Twinkle with an old-fashioned curtsy Princess Luna had taught her, then trotted inside. She had been in the palace many times, but she was always awed by its size and splendor. Unable to contain herself, she spread her wings and soared up to the high-vaulted ceiling. Looking down, she felt like an eagle looking for prey. She saw unicorns setting up the refreshment table, Earth pony maids dusting the grand staircase, and pegasi laying bunting over the lower rafters.
Suddenly a strange movement caught her eye. The skirt on one of the refreshment tables bulged and then slowly lifted as a pony's rear end came into view. Twinkle fluttered down to get a closer look. She stifled a giggle as she recognized the pony's gray fur and pink bobbed tail. Quietly, she conjured up a large firecracker and placed it on the floor between the pony's back hooves.
BANG!
“AHHHH!” The table jolted as the pony jumped in surprise. “OW! What the hay?”
“Hello, Zany,” Twinkle grinned into the colt's face as he emerged from under the table. “What are you up to?”
“Chaos, of course,” he grinned, showing off his fang. “Gala Prank Central. Here, take a look.”
Twinkle slipped under the tablecloth and looked around. She was astonished at the amount of stuff he had stored under there: whoopie cushions, dribble glasses, fake bugs, squirting straws, and bags upon bags of crystal candy.
“Three different candies turn you three different colors.” He smirked. “Thanks for being our guinea pig, by the way.”
Twinkle ignored the jibe. “How did you get here so early?”
“Dad teleported me here so I could set up my tricks in advance.”
“Oh! Is your Dad here with you?” Twinkle asked, looking around nervously.
“No, he's riding on the train with Mom. He doesn't like to be separated from her for too long. He gets scared something will happen to her.”
Twinkle breathed a sigh of relief. “So, is this all your tricks?” she asked.
“No. I've got a few more. Oranges with ping-pong balls inside, apple slices that taste like lemons! And one special trick that I'm saving for someone in particular.”
Twinkle noticed the evil grin that spread across the chaotic colt's face and was glad she wasn't that “someone in particular” he was referring to.
“Hey!” cried an outraged voice. “What are you doing? You can't be in here!”
“Busted,” Zany groaned, ducking back under the table.
“You can't just come in here! We're trying sweep!”
“Then I suggest you do your job and I shall do mine,” said a deep suave voice that sent a cold tingle down Twinkle's spine.
“This is Picture Perfect, first class photographer and agent to the most elite models in Equestria,” another voice broke in smoothly. “We have permission from the princess herself to do a photo shoot on the grand staircase.”
Picture Perfect? Twinkle's ears perked up at the name.
“Well, this is the first I've heard of it,” said the sweeper stallion suspiciously.
“Doesn't surprise me,” said the deep suave voice derisively. “You are just a broom pony. I doubt you would be informed of anything that doesn't pertain to a clean floor.”
Jerk! Twinkle thought as she peeked around the table at the newcomers.
The one called Picture Perfect was a tall sky blue unicorn with a flowing pure white mane that he tossed haughtily over his shoulder. He was followed closely by a pair of large unicorn stallions. The first had black fur and sported a spiky green mane. The other had yellow fur and a short white mane. Both wore dark sunglasses.
“I assure you that we do have permission to be here,” said the yellow unicorn. He slipped a few golden bits into the sweeper pony's apron pocket. “The sooner were are done, the sooner we will be out of your mane.”
“I promise you won't get into any trouble,” added a sweet tinkling voice Twinkle immediately recognized. “We're just taking a few photos before the crowds arrive for the Gala. That is all right, isn't it?” the voice asked plaintively
A big grin split the sweeper pony's face. “Yes, I suppose it's okay, little lady. The grand staircase is that way. Just holler if you need anything.”
“Thank you, sir!”
“Oh, my gosh!” Twinkle stuck her head into Zany's hiding place. “Quick! Come out! It's Jewel! Jewel's here!”
“Jewel?” Zany popped out from under the table just as his friend came into view. Jewel's mane was done up in the classic style of the Crystal Empire. Her gown was a pink drape that cinched at the waist then split, allowing her back leg to be visible almost to the cutie mark. Zany's jaw dropped in awe. She looked like an ancient Equestrian goddess! If only Applespike were there...
Suddenly Twinkle gasped and nudged Zany in the ribs with her hoof. Walking behind Jewel was a colt with shiny light-gray fur and a pink and blue striped mane. He wore a white striped vest with a knotted pink tie that matched the color of Jewel's gown.
“Who the hay is that?” whispered Zany.
“Stud Muffin,” Twinkle murmured back. “He's a top model. I recognize him from the magazines.”
Zany looked the colt model over. “He doesn't look all that special to me. Though, I admit, I do like that vest he's wearing. I bet the fillies would dig it.”
“If they don't bury you first,” Twinkle muttered. “Come on. Let's follow them!”
Stealthily, the two ponies followed the group to the grand staircase. Picture Perfect was positioning Jewel on the landing. She was looking coyly over her shoulder, her back leg thrust out through the slit in her gown.
“Perfect!” cooed Picture Perfect as he snapped the photo.
After a few more poses, he summoned Stud Muffin to the landing. The colt model looked bored with the whole thing but managed to smile cockily into the camera as he laid a hoof over Jewel's neck.
“Perfect!” said Picture Perfect again. He pulled out another camera and took some pictures of Stud Muffin by himself.
“Perfect!” he said, finally putting away the camera. “These will do for next month's issue. All we need now are pictures of the two of you at the Gala and then--” he paused for effect. “The Grand Finale! The two of you standing on a balcony. The full moon framing your silhouettes as you share your FIRST KISS!”
Zany gasped in horror. “Oh, no! Poor Applespike...”
“Sounds good to me,” said Stud Muffin leaning lazily against the banister. “But are you sure I have to greet Jewel when she makes her big entrance? I mean, do you really expect me to stand in line with a fire-breathing dragon and an insane draconequess?”
“Discord is not insane,” said Jewel, rolling her eyes. “He is the Spirit of Chaos. He behaves oddly, but I know he has a good heart. He just adores his wife, Fluttershy...”
“Oh, yes, the Element of Kindness,” said Stud Muffin sneeringly. “You just love to drop that whole Element thing, don't you?”
Jewel blushed. “I'm not bragging, Stud. I just don't want you to feel nervous around Discord. He truly is a reformed creature.”
The colt model smirked. “I heard he slapped his own wife down for trying to interfere with him,” he replied coolly.
“That LIAR!” Zany hissed between clenched teeth. His gray fur crackled with chaotic magic, begging to be released. “Dad was defending himself from Rainbow Dash and Mom got between them!”
“Shhhh!” Twinkle placed a restraining hoof on his back. She clenched her teeth as a big bolt of magic discharged into her. Luckily, it was not very strong, though she did smell of singed hair.
“That was an accident, Stud!” Jewel said, stomping her hoof. “Discord didn't mean to hit her! It was...”
“Oh, Jewel,” said Stud Muffin, shaking his head pityingly. “Isn't that what they always say?”
“Stay calm, Zany,” Twinkle whispered as she pulled the furious colt behind a giant flowerpot. “You don't want to do anything that will get you in trouble.”
“Trouble?” Zany snapped. “Don't talk to me about trouble! I've been in trouble so much, we know each other on a first name basis!”
“In trouble bad enough to be turned to stone?” she hissed back. “He's not worth it. Just let it go.”
Meanwhile, Jewel's temper was getting the best of her. “Don't you talk down to me, Stud Muffin! My mother was there and she saw what happened! If you don't believe her, perhaps you'd believe Princess Twilight Sparkle. She was there, too!”
“Oh, I knew you would pull her into this sooner or later,” said Stud Muffin, nastily. “Princess Twilight Sparkle! The Princess of Friendship! AKA: the weakest of the alicorns who can't do anything without help from a silly group of mares and a pet dragon!”
“That is enough, children,” Picture Perfect drawled, stepping between them. “We have a big night ahead of us. One of the last things we need is rumors being spread by disgruntled maids that you two were fighting. Come along, Jewel! Your mother will be coming with your gown before long.”
Hidden behind the flowerpot, Zany and Twinkle watched as the group slowly exited the room.
“Zany?” said Twinkle, her eyes boring furiously into Stud Muffin's back.
“Yeah?”
“Make. Him. Pay!”
“Wow! You've really outdone yourself this year, Rarity. These gowns are gorgeous!”
“Thank you, Twilight,” answered Rarity as she brushed Cinnamon Roll's mane into a stylish bun. Jewel, Twinkle, and Gemstone sat with hot rollers in their hair, patiently waiting their turn. “I always find inspiration in my friends and family.”
“It's nice for you to say so,” said Fluttershy with a little giggle as her daughter, Screwball, helped her into her gown. “Even if we do ask for something kind of... odd.”
“I have to admit, your choice of material was very unconventional,” Rarity sighed. “But it turned out better than I thought it would.”
“I'll say it did,” said Applejack, examining Fluttershy's dress up close. “I like the buttercups you embroidered on the hem. But ...er... why is made out of burlap?”
Screwball giggled. “It's a joke on Daddy. Mom asked him which gown he thought looked the best on her. He told her it didn't matter. She could wear a burlap sack and still be beautiful!”
“We'll find out soon enough,” said Fluttershy, blushing.
The mares all laughed easily at the joke. Being married to the Lord of Chaos had definitely rubbed off on the shy Pegasus. Before meeting Discord, she wouldn't have dreamed of being seen in a dress that others considered odd or different. Now, she was ready to waltz into a ballroom full of ponies dressed in a dolled up meal sack!
“I'm sure Discord will love it,” said Rarity. She slid the last bobby pin into Cinnamon Roll's hair. “There, my dear! Now, go get dressed.”
Cinnamon Roll raced to her mother who helped her pull the gown over her head. It was a real work of art. The bodice was a soft baby pink while the skirt was alternating panels of pink and gingerbread brown.
“It even has swirls of glitter like a cinnamon roll!” exclaimed Applejack, tears standing in her eyes. “Oh, I can't believe our little fillies have all grown up!”
“Yep, we're all growing up,” said Raspberry Pie, jumping on an ottoman.
“We're really getting bigger!” said Cherry Pie, twirling in front of the mirror.
“But not fatter!” said Blueberry Pie, rubbing her tummy. “I don't know where all the cupcakes go.”
“Daddy says we must have a hollow leg!”
“Oooooh, I wonder which one it is!”
“Well, mostly grown up,” Applejack amended.
Twilight quickly stepped in. “Why don't you girls go downstairs and see if your mom needs help setting up the band equipment,” she asked the Tri-Pies. “We'll join you when the girls are finished.”
“Okie Dokie Lokie!” The triplets chorused as they exited the room, their skirts flapping like flags behind them.
“Weren't you going to do their hair?” Twinkle asked Rarity.
“Oh no, darling! None of them would sit still long enough for that. Besides, I could take a steam roller to that hair and it would still look like a cone of cotton candy.” Rarity styled Jewel's mane into a becoming layer of ringlets and carefully secured them with jeweled barrettes. “There! I'm sure Picture Perfect would approve.”
“Yes,” said Jewel, quickly. “May I get dressed now?”
“Of course, dear,” said Rarity, smiling. “I know you must be eager to show yourself to Stud Muffin. Your father is probably downstairs talking to him now!”
“Oh, good!” Only Twinkle noticed the little unicorn cringe. “Perfect.”
“Drat!” Fancy Pants muttered as he checked his pocket watch for the umpteenth time. “It's getting late. Where is he?”
The dapper unicorn and his fellow stallions were all standing at the base of the stairs, waiting for their mares to emerge. Beside him, still clad in armor, was Flash Sentry. Discord floated nearby, dressed in a black tux and working a crossword puzzle. Mothball sat on his haunches, looking bored. Spike adjusted his top hat and admired himself in a nearby mirror.
“Hello, gorgeous,” he grinned at his reflection.
Applespike face-hoofed. “Pa, please! You're embarrassing me!”
“What?” asked Spike. “Can I help it if I got it?”
“If you got it, don't spread it around,” Discord muttered without looking up. “There might not be a cure.”
Applespike and Mothball managed to choke back a laugh. Spike glared at the draconequess, wondering if it was worth the risk to set fire to Discord's puzzle book.
“Hey, where's Zany?” asked Applespike, looking around. “He told me he'd meet me here.”
“Ah, yes, my son,” said Discord, grinning mischievously. “He should be along soon. If the royal guards don't catch him, that is.”
“Royal guards?” asked Flash, frowning. “What do you mean by--”
POOF! Zany appeared next Applespike. He was gasping for breath; his pink mane standing on end and his eyes big as saucers.
“Zany!” cried Applespike. “What's wrong? What...”
“Dad teleported me to the other side of the palace,” Zany said with a shudder. “I just witnessed the fat Duchess of some province or other taking a shower! She screamed, called me a Peeping Tom and hit me with a loofa! I had to jump over her fat angry husband and swerve around three guards to get out of there!”
“Oh, and I thought that was an empty suite,” said Discord innocently. “My bad! Why don't you run along now and set up your pranks? I'll wait for ...”
“Nice try, Dad,” Zany interrupted. “But I Pinkie Promised Applespike I'd stand by him when he asks Jewel to dance.”
“If that's okay with you, sir,” added Applespike, looking at Fancy Pants anxiously.
The unicorn stallion smiled kindly. “It's good of you to ask, Applespike. I wouldn't mind if you asked her to dance, but, I must warn you, she does have a colt friend. I don't know if he would be comfortable with her dancing with someone else.”
“I doubt he'll be comfortable with anything right now,” said Zany under his breath. Applespike glanced suspiciously at his friend, but did not ask any questions.
“Good evening, sirs,” said a low voice behind them. The group turned to look. Behind them stood a Griffon. His lion's body was a tawny brown while his eagle's head and chest were white. His wings ,which were folded to his sides, were brown with white tips. A plume on the back of his head stuck out like a cowlick.
“Evening,” said Spike, touching his hat the way he had seen the Apple family males do. “Are you lost?”
“Oh, no,” said the Griffon, slowly stalking over to sit next to Fancy Pants. “I know where I am, thank you. Is it all right if I join you?”
“Sure,” said Spike, looking questioningly at the others.
Discord rolled his eyes. “The only ladies upstairs here are our wives and daughters. Are you sure this is where you're supposed to be?”
“I'm sure,” the Griffon replied, eyeing the draconequess insolently.
Discord raised an eyebrow and was about to say something rather rude when Applespike cried out.
“They're here! They're here!”
All eyes turned to the staircase. Rarity, Twilight and Applejack came first. The white unicorn wore a black gown with multicolored jewels sewn into the skirt. The young princess wore a dark purple dress with silver star swirls. The honest Earth pony sported a breezy white gown with apple red trim.
“Stunning, my dear,” Fancy Pants murmured as Rarity smiled on him. “Absolutely stunning!”
Flash bowed deeply before Twilight. “Every inch a princess,” he said.
“Ain't you gonna say something, Spike?” Applejack smirked at her husband's stunned expression.
“I keep forgetting how beautiful you are without your hat,” he managed to croak.
“Wait a minute,” cried Discord, scanning the stairs. “Where is my wife? Where is Fluttershy?”
Rarity giggled. “Patience, darling. She'll be down soon.”
Gemstone came next, wearing a flowing red gown with white glitter hearts. Screwball followed in a lavender dress with lollipop swirls to match her eyes. Mothball immediately flew to her side and assisted her down the stairs.
“What has gotten into that boy?” Discord grumbled. “She's not made of glass!”
Zany's eyes widened as Twinkle appeared. Her gown was dark blue with silver crescent moons and pink stars that matched her mother's cutie mark. Her mane was done up in a majestic bun and secured with a silver tiara similar to Princess Luna's. She noticed the look on Zany's face and gave him a mischievous wink.
“Wow,” Zany whispered. He did not realize he was floating away until Applespike grabbed his leg.
“Better get down before your dad notices,” he hissed.
Discord, however, was not in the frame of mind to notice anything. He stood with his arms folded across his chest, his eagle claw drumming impatiently on his elbow.
“Yes, yes-- Rarity is a genius and all the girls are gorgeous and blah-blah-blah! What I want to know is where is my Fluttershy!”
“I'm right here!”
Discord looked up. Fluttershy stood on the landing wearing her dress. Her head was held high, a sweet but devious grin on her face.
“Fluttershy--” Discord's eyes slowly took in what she was wearing. “What-- ?”
“Do you like it?” she asked with a throaty giggle that sent a shiver up his spine. “You did say I would look beautiful even in a burlap sack.” She fluttered her eyelashes at him. “Do you still think so?”
“Oh, yeah!” shouted Discord, sweeping her off her hooves and planting a big kiss on her lips. “I so love being right!”
Cinnamon Roll came next. Spike and Applejack fought back tears as their little filly made her way downstairs in her shimmering gown.
“Sacre' bleu cheese!”
The couple watched in bewilderment as the Griffon eagerly stepped forward. His beak hung open in awe. His eyes shone bright in adoration. Cinnamon Roll stopped right in front of him. She smiled but tears stood in her eyes.
“You made it,” she whispered.
“Told you I would,” he whispered back.
“What in the wide world of Equestria is going on?” asked Applejack, unable to tear her eyes away from the spectacle of her daughter making cow eyes with a Griffon.
“I think that's her...date,” Spike gulped. He felt like a giant claw had wrapped itself around his chest and was squeezing him tightly. He wanted to grab Cinnamon Roll and run away! He wanted to set fire to that little...uh...whatever young Griffon males were called!
The sound of Discord's dark chuckling broke in on his thoughts. The draconequess smirked at Spike, thoroughly enjoying the dragon's confusion.
“Well, well! Guess who's coming to dinner?” he chortled.
Screwball snorted. “You're one to talk, Daddy. Remember how you tried to exterminate Mothy?”
“I know I can't forget it,” Mothball shuddered.
"Both of you fell in love with and married a pony.” Screwy gave her father and Spike a sharp look. “Don't tell me you see something wrong with this.”
“Of-- of course not,” said Spike, smiling anxiously. “There's nothing wrong with it.” He cast another glance at the couple. “Nothing at all.”
“Everypony,” said Cinnamon Roll, turning to the group. “This is my friend Gulliand. He's the nephew of Gustave LeGrande.”
“A pleasure to meet all of you,” said Gulliand with a bow.
“Same here,” said Applejack, with a smile that did not quite reach her eyes. “I'm just a little surprised Cinnamon Roll didn't mention you to us.”
“Well, I kinda did, Ma,” Cinnamon Roll said, blushing. “You know, that day...at the spa?”
“Oh, yeah! I remember! You were worried he would change his mind about the dance. And then Fluttershy said--” Applejack put her hoof to her mouth. She really did not want to repeat what Fluttershy had said. “So-- uh-- what are you doing in Canterlot?” she asked Gulliand.
“I'm studying to be a chef, Madame.”
“Great! We could use another chef in the family!” Applespike blurted.
Discord quickly covered his mouth with his lion paw to stifle his laughter. Cinnamon Roll and Gulliand blushed crimson. Applejack and Spike looked as if they were about to faint. Zany poked his friend in the ribs.
“Way to go, pal. I think you broke your parents.”
Applespike looked from one shocked face to another and wished he could disappear like Zany. Meekly, he slipped through the crowd to stand alone at the foot of the stairs.
“You dummy!” he berated himself. “Cinnamon's gonna really be mad now!”
Suddenly, a flash of movement caught his eye. He looked up saw Jewel standing forgotten on the landing above. Her gown was glittering white like fresh snow on Hearth's Warming Eve. A scattering of tiny purple jewels adorned the skirt. Her mane hung in charming ringlets that framed her beautiful face.
“Oh, wow!” Applespike murmured, his heart pounding loud in his chest. He had always thought her to be beautiful, but tonight she looked like a dream. He climbed towards her but it felt more like he was floating.
Jewel barely glanced at him as he came to stand beside her. Her eyes searched the crowd of family and friends below then stared through the archway into the hall.
“Where are they?” he heard her murmur anxiously. “Where are they?”
“Jewel,” he said, touching her lightly with his hoof.
“Applespike,” she whispered desperately. “Have you seen them?”
“Who are you talking about?”
“Picture Perfect. He was supposed to bring Stud Muffin and the photographers from the magazines. Where are they?”
Applespike frowned at the mention of of the colt model. “I don't know,” he replied shortly. “We've been standing here for almost an hour and haven't seen hide nor hair of them.”
“Oh, poo!” Jewel stomped her little hoof. “Now what am I supposed to do? Picture Perfect said he wanted to photograph me coming down the steps in my gown. That's why I waited to come down last! Now he isn't even here!” She stomped her hoof again.
Applespike frowned. “That doesn't sound like the Jewel I know,” he said quietly. Jewel looked at him in surprise then hung her head, blushing.
“You're right. It isn't. I'm sorry, Applespike. I'm just upset because Picture Perfect isn't here and I don't know what he wants me to do.”
“Well, why don't you do what YOU want to do?” asked Applespike sensibly.
Jewel snorted softly. “You don't know Picture Perfect. He likes things a certain way. If anything goes wrong, he can get...rather nasty.”
“Well, it's his fault he ain't here to guide you! Now, come on,” Applespike offered his hoof. “Let's get with the others.”
Jewel looked longingly at the crowd below. Cinnamon Roll and – Goodness! Was that a Griffon?-- were the center of attention. Fluttershy and Rarity stood next to Applejack who looked a little pale. Her father and Flash stood next to Spike. Discord was saying something she couldn't hear but, judging by the looks Fluttershy kept shooting him, it was probably something inappropriate. YES! Jewel thought. That was where she wanted to be! She took Applespike's hoof and let him escort her down the staircase.
“Jewel, darling!” Rarity cried as she hurried to meet her daughter. “I'm so sorry we missed your debut! We were trying to help Applejack and Spike. They're having a bit of a dilemma but I believe they will be all right.”
“My dear little filly,” said Fancy Pants with a trembling smile. “So beautiful! I feel like I should kiss your hoof!”
“Daddy,” Jewel blushed at the compliment.
“Thank you for escorting her, Applespike,” he said, smiling at the half-pony. “You are a true country gentle-colt.”
“Thank you, sir. It was my pleasure.”
“Okay, every pony!” Twilight Sparkle's voice rose above the crowd. “If we're all here, I guess we can head over to the Gala!”
All of the ponies paired off with their respective dates. Twilight and Flash took the lead followed by Discord and Fluttershy. Rarity and Fancy Pants came next with Gemstone and Jewel beside them. Spike and Applejack came next with Cinnamon Roll and Gulliand on one side and Screwy and Mothy on the other. Twinkle drifted to the back of the line. Zany appeared next to her.
“So, care to dance?” he asked without looking at her. Twinkle glanced at him, then decided to play along.
“Sure, if your Dad doesn't have a conniption.” She stared straight ahead and tried to keep a straight face. “I noticed Stud Muffin was absent from the line-up.”
“Yes, he was.”
“You know anything about it?”
Zany shrugged. “Maybe.”
Twinkle couldn't help grinning. “How bad?” she asked.
“Not enough to get turned to stone, but enough to show our displeasure.” He turned and gave her a cocky smile. “You'll find out later, I'm sure”
Applespike, meanwhile, was sidling up to Jewel.
“Hey, Jewel.”
“Yes?” she replied in a soft voice that made him feel weak as a rag doll.
“Um. I was wondering...if it's okay with you...would you like to--”
“There they are!”
Three unicorn stallions charged the group. Twilight, Discord, Fancy Pants and Screwball quickly fired up their magic, preparing to fight if needed. Jewel gasped and waved her hooves at the others.
“No, no! It's all right. I know them!”
Twilight and the others stood down and let the unicorns approach. The one in the lead ran straight to Jewel, putting himself between her and Applespike.
“My dear, you really should have stayed by the staircase and waited,” he hissed in her ear. “It's fortunate we found you before the Ponyrazzi did!” he added, looking disdainfully towards Spike and Applejack.
“I'm sorry, Goodnight,” said Jewel. “I was expecting to see Stud Muffin and Picture Perfect, but they weren't there.”
“There's been a change of plan.” said Goodnight urgently. He stomped his back hoof , barely missing Applespike who had been trying to get past him. “You need to come on...”
“My good fellow,” said Fancy Pants, drawing himself up most regally. “I was under the impression that I would be meeting my daughter's suitor tonight. I was rather disappointed he did not show up. I'm sure it isn't a slight against us, but I am hoping you could offer an explanation.”
Goodnight rolled his eyes in impatience, but managed to reply politely.
“Stud Muffin sends his apologies. He came down with a sudden illness this morning and had to cancel all engagements.”
Twinkle glanced at Zany who suddenly sported a halo.
“Oh, I'm sorry to hear that,” said Fancy Pants. “Nothing serious, I hope.”
“Oh, no. Not at all. Doctor says he should be better by tomorrow. It didn't come on until after this morning's photo session, so Jewel should be fine.”
“Thank goodness,” said Rarity. “Did the doctor say what it is?”
“He said it was very rare. In all of Equestria, there has only been one confirmed case. He called it...Blue Flu.”
The Chaotic Three: A Zany Story
“Blue Flu?”
All the ponies looked at each other in confusion—except Discord, who looked sharply at his son.
“It's almost like regular flu,” Goodnight explained hurriedly. “Except it doesn't last as long.”
“And it turns you blue,” muttered Discord.
“Yes.” Goodnight cut his eye suspiciously at the draconequess. “It is unfortunate, but luckily, we have a backup plan. Come now, Jewel,” he added, with an exaggerated bow. “Your public awaits!”
Applespike watched longingly as Jewel was led away towards the teeming crowd of photographers. Flash bulbs popped and cameras whirred. Reporters called questions as they closed around the little unicorn filly like the tentacles of a hungry octopus.
“You okay?” Zany asked, brushing against him.
“Not really,” the dragon-pony shrugged. “But I'll be all right.”
Twinkle looked at him pityingly. She wanted to tell him that he could always ask Jewel to dance later, but the way the little unicorn was being mobbed made that unlikely. Maybe, she thought, something could be arranged...
“Twinkle Sparkle! My faithful pupil!”
The little alicorn looked up in surprise. “Princess Luna?” she cried.
“'Tis I,” said the dark alicorn, smiling. All the ponies except Discord and Gulliand bowed to her. Twinkle ran to her mentor and nuzzled her affectionately.
“Why are you here?” she asked. “You never come to the Gala!”
“I'm not staying long, but I wanted to see you in your gown.” Luna stepped back to admire her as Twinkle turned and posed. “You look stunning, dear. I love the stars on the skirt. Such a loving tribute to your mother!”
Twinkle was going to point out that the design also contained crescent moons as a tribute to her teacher, but something in Luna's eyes warned her not to mention it. “Thank you, Princess,” she said simply.
“You should be proud of her, Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
“I am,” said Twilight shyly, her cheeks glowing with pride.
“Wow, Princess Luna!” Zany managed to gasp. He had seen her several times but never this close. “You accepting any new students?”
“Greetings, Zany,” said Luna, chuckling. “No. I am afraid Twinkle Sparkle is my only protege. Besides, my knowledge of Chaotic magic is limited. Your father and Princess Twilight would be the best teachers for you.”
Zany made a face. “Princess Twilight! But she's so-- OW!” Twinkle's hoof struck his shin bone in warning. “Uh, she's so...very....thorough. She really knows how to cover a subject. Really...reeeeeeally...cover it.”
“Thank you, Zany,” said Twilight, cutting her eye at him for the lopsided compliment.
Princess Luna smiled. “Well, I must attend my duties. Good night, all. I hope you enjoy the Gala!” The dark alicorn backed away a few steps then vanished in a little pop of magic.
The group met with no other interruptions until they reached the Grand Hall. The Canterlot elite immediately swarmed Twilight, wanting to be seen greeting the Princess of Friendship. Others surrounded Rarity and Fancy Pants, exclaiming over how they missed them, though few had offered to travel to Ponyville to visit. A delegation of Apple family members from Appleloosa heartily greeted Applejack and Spike. Fluttershy's friends with the Nature Society and Bird Watcher's Club surrounded her and Discord.
“Love your gown, Flutters.”
“Ooooh, burlap! How original!”
“Way to recycle, Shy!”
“Hey! Where's yours, Discord?”
The nature ponies cheered as Discord changed his tuxedo into a burlap jacket. The words “Appleloosa Corn Meal” were written on the back.
“Time for the fun to begin,” said Zany, rubbing his hooves together in anticipation. He turned to Applespike. “You coming?”
“Yeah,” said his friend, perking up a little. “You got that spell ready that you were working on?”
“Oh, yeah! I just need you to help me activate it.” Zany looked back at Twinkle, who looked alone and forgotten among the mass of ponies. “You want to join us?” he asked her. “We could always use an extra hoof.”
Twinkle smiled. “No, thanks, guys. I think I'll stick close to mom for now. And I won't forget that dance!”
“You asked her to dance?” asked Applespike incredulously. “Your dad's gonna have a cow when he sees you two!”
“Well, we could always use the milk,” said Zany, shrugging. “Don't worry! Mom can handle him. Come on, let me show you the Prank Cave...”
An hour later, Twinkle stood at the punch table, trying to pick out a glass and straw that would not dribble or squirt. She could hear Zany and Applespike giggling under the table.
“So help me, Zany,” she muttered. “I get any punch on this dress because of your tricks, I'll give you a bigger headache than Cinnamon Roll did.”
“Look for the holes in the glasses,” said Zany without coming out. “The straws are all mixed in and look alike, so you're on your own there. Just send Dad the cleaning bill if you choose wrong.”
Twinkle found a regular glass and by sheer luck picked a normal straw.
“I thought you were with your mom,” said Zany.
“I was, but she ran into some friends from school and they got to talking so I wandered off.” She took a sip of punch and looked around at the other guests. A lot of them had faces whose color did not match their coats. “I see a lot of ponies have been sampling the candy,” she said.
“Yeah, and they love it!” Zany said excitedly. “Especially the foals! We had to restock the dishes three times already. I'm telling you, if we could talk Applejack or Big Mac into selling this stuff, we could make a fortune!”
“We'd have to talk to Granny first,” Applespike reminded him quickly. “After all, she calls the shots at the farm. But, I think she might go along with it.” He stuck his head out and looked up at Twinkle. “Say, have you seen Cinnamon Roll anywhere?” he whispered. “Ma and Pa are looking for her.”
“I saw her earlier, talking with some of her Canterlot friends. Gulliand was still with her.” Twinkle slowly scanned the room then shook her head. “I don't see her. Maybe they went out in the garden.”
“Why would they go in the garden?” asked Applespike, genuinely puzzled.
“What!” cried Zany incredulously. He stuck his head out so he could look his friend in the face. “They probably went for the same reason you'd take Jewel if you could. To make out, of course!”
“What!” the dragon-pony's eyes grew perfectly round. “That's crazy! She can't make out with him!”
“Why not?”
“Griffons have beaks! You need lips to kiss, Zany!”
The chaotic colt face-hoofed. “Well, maybe they're nuzzling or cuddling! What difference does it make any--”
“Hey! I see Jewel,” said Twinkle suddenly. Both colts stopped their argument to look in the direction she was pointing. Just a few yards away stood their friend. The crowd of reporters had thinned, though a few still hung around, hoping to get a candid picture or witty quote. The three huge unicorns from earlier surrounded her, keeping most of the curious ponies at bay. The black unicorn called Goodnight appeared to be the one in charge.
“That's him!” said Zany suddenly.
“Who's him?” asked Applespike.
“That unicorn who burned the rope and almost got you killed!” Zany's fur began to crackle with magic again. “The same one that tried to stomp you earlier! I thought I recognized him!”
Applespike's eyes glowed green with growing anger. A trickle of smoke escaped the corner of his mouth. “Ready to use that spell of yours, Zany?” he asked.
“Oh, yeah!” said the colt, sliding back under the tablecloth. “Just wait for him to get closer.”
Twinkle looked from the colts to their intended target. “What exactly are you planning to--”
“You may want to move over, Twinkle,” Applespike warned her as he joined his friend under the table. “Zany's still working on his aim.”
The little alicorn was going to ask again when she saw the unicorn in question walking towards the punch table. She moved to one side and made like she was sampling the apple slices with caramel dip.
“Yummy,” she said, biting into one. URK! It was one of Zany's lemon flavored slices!
The huge unicorn hardly glanced at her as he filled a cup with punch and levitated a straw into it. The straw immediately turned and squirted the stallion in the face.
“Blast it!” He picked another straw with the same result. “ARG! Stupid practical jokes!” he snarled.
He refilled the glass without a straw and snatched up a small plate of carrot sticks, almost knocking Twinkle over in the process.
“Watch what you're doing, brat!” he snapped over his shoulder as he turned away.
“I wasn't doing anything,” Twinkle snapped back.
The stallion flicked his tail disdainfully. “Watch your mouth, filly, or you'll find--”
He never got to finish. His eyes suddenly went wide. With a wild whinny of pain, he leaped into the air, twisting and bucking. His silver hooves turned bright orange. Green flames licked up the sides.
“YEOW! MY HOOVES ARE BURNING! MY HOOVES ARE BURNING!”
DING-DING-DING-DING-DING!
“Stand back, everyone!” Discord appeared wearing a firefighter hat and carrying a hose. He sprayed the unicorn head to hoof, but mostly in the face. Next he conjured a kiddie pool and forced Goodnight to stand in it while wearing a ducky swim ring and a snorkel. Steam rose from the pool and shot from the furious pony's nostrils.
“No need for thanks,” said Discord, grinning. “Just doing my duty!”
“Get away from me!” Goodnight snarled through clenched teeth. He shook himself off and stomped back to the group. More than a few ponies were laughing and popping pictures.
“Come along, Jewel,” he said haughtily, directing her towards the ballroom. “This is no place for you.”
Jewel obeyed but not before glancing back to grin at Applespike who she caught peeking from under the table.
“You're in fine form tonight,” said Discord, addressing Zany as he banished the kiddie pool and the water with a snap of his eagle talon. “First Blue Flu and now this? Yes, I know you're the one who made that colt sick so don't bother denying it! I only have one rule with chaos at the Gala and that's no hurting ponies-- unless it's in self defense.”
“Then it's Anything Goes,” said Zany, winking. “Got it, Dad!”
“Glad you do. The dancing is about to start and I better not miss waltzing with your mother to defuse another situation.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Oh, and tell Twinkle Sparkle she can come out from behind the table. I'm not going to banish her to the far reaches of Equestria if she shares a dance with you. Going out in the garden to have a little private time, however....” Discord added as he leaned over the table and smiled wickedly into the startled alicorn's eyes. “That is a very different story!”
“Yes, sir,” Twinkle gulped.
“Glad we all understand each other, then. Adieu!” The draconequess disappeared in a whirl of red.
“I best be going, too,” said Twinkle, turning away.
“What?” cried Zany, chasing after her. “Don't tell me you changed your mind about the dance!”
“Of course not!” Twinkle giggled. “Pinkie Pie's going to lead everyone in the Cowpony Stomp and I don't want to miss it.”
“Yeehaw! That's mine and Ma's dance!” Applespike hollered joyfully. “Wait for me!”
All the colts, fillies, and foals ,along with most of the grown-ups from Appleloosa, were gathered near the stage. Pinkie leading the crowd in a line dance before the band took the stage had become a sort of tradition at the Gala. There were a few snooty older ponies who refused to join in, calling it “peasant dancing”, but a majority of the crowd participated. Even Fancy Pants, to his daughters' delight, enjoyed doing the Electric Glide.
“Okay, everypony!” Pinkie's voice boomed over the speakers. “Are you ready to get this party started?”
The crowd erupted in a cheer. Applespike edged his way through the throng to stand beside his mother. Twinkle and Zany lined up with him.
“All righty, then! Hit it!”
The music boomed and everyone followed Pinkie's lead as she danced across the stage.
“It's just a step to the left
A slide to the right.
Dancing in the yard
With the full moon's light.
We're all havin' fun
We don't wanna stop
Everypony's lovin'
The Cowpony Stomp!”
For the next five minutes, ponies from all over Equestria: rich and poor, young and old, unicorn and pegasi, Earth pony and Griffon danced together as one. Applespike, dancing beside Applejack and surrounded by his Appleloosa kin, could feel the harmony pulsing through the crowd and vibrating through his bones. A glance at Twinkle and Zany told him they felt the same. As he turned, he caught sight of Jewel standing on the sidelines, watching the dance. Goodnight stood beside her, his nose wrinkled disdainfully. Apparently, line dancing was something else she wasn't allowed to do.
“Oops! Careful, Sugarcube,” said Applejack, trying to keep from stomping on her son. “You missed a step.”
“Sorry.” Applespike made the quarter turn and kept the steps. But his mind was on Jewel; forced to stand out, not allowed to be a part of the party.
“All right! That was great!” hollered Pinkie as the music ended to wild applause. “Now let's give it up for our band, straight off their tour of Japony! Fillies and Gentle-colts, I give you FURR-IN-ER!”
“Whooo hooo!” Princess Twilight's voice rose above the applause.
“YES!” Rarity cried, rearing up in a very unladylike manner. “Oh! I always wanted to see them when I was a filly! They are so wonderful!”
“Whoooweee! Another blast from the past!” whooped Applejack. “I hope they play 'Waiting for a Mare Like You'. That's about the only love song I ever liked.”
“Another nostalgia band?” asked Discord, rolling his eyes. “Last year it was Haulin' Oats and the year before it was that Minotaur group Hay-Seed Dee-Seed. Where does she find them, at the old ponies home?”
“Says the draconequess who played air guitar with Angus Youngcalf,” giggled Fluttershy, giving her husband a playful shove. “You know you like the music as much as we do.”
Most of the younger ponies, having grown up listening to their parents' music, enjoyed the band as well. Fillies giggled as some of the colts danced and posed to “Juice Box Hero”. Not to be outdone, Zany played a vicious air guitar while wearing dark glasses, spiked bracelets , and a single hoop earring. He also tricked out Applespike with a red bandanna, dark glasses, and an apple tattoo on his shoulder. Together, they stood up on their hind legs and lip-synched the chorus.
“...A Juice Box Hero
With stars in his eyes...!”
Twinkle and a few unattached fillies gathered around the two, dancing and egging them on. Not that they needed any encouragement. Both colts took after their respective fathers when it came to showing off. Zany slid to his knees, jamming on his imaginary instrument. Applespike bared his teeth and whirled his arm like a windmill. It was then, he noticed Jewel watching from the sidelines. Her eyes were locked on him, her face glowing with enjoyment. Applespike gave her what he hoped was a cocky grin and threw himself into the performance with gusto.
He wasn't aware he had wandered from the group. He didn't notice the ponies parting as he played his way through. He wasn't aware of anything except the music and Jewel's shining face, drawing him like a flame draws a moth. Soon, he was standing in right in front of her, just a few feet away.
“Jewel...”
STOMP! An enormous silver hoof slammed down in front of him.
“What does Picture Perfect pay you for if you can't keep the riffraff away better than this?” hissed Goodnight to the other two unicorn bodyguards. “Take her to her parents. Tell the band to play something slow so we can get some photos of her dancing with her father. I will take care of things here,” he added, glowering at Applespike.
The dragon-pony felt all the bravado drain out of him as the enormous unicorn leaned over him menacingly.
“You are a stubborn little...whatever you are,” Goodnight growled disgustedly. “But I have had enough! If you come near her again, I will tell the Royal Guards that you are a danger to the princess and then you will have to spend the night in the dungeon with hay and water and just a pile of old straw for a bed. Do you understand?”
Applespike swallowed nervously. “But...you can't! Princess Celestia would never--”
“Oh, but the guards would,” Goodnight grinned nastily. “They are very vigilant when it comes to protecting their precious princesses. It would all get sorted out eventually, but not before you end up locked in a cell and your parents spend their lovely evening trying to bail you out. So...” he sneered. “Think it's worth it?”
Applespike glanced at Jewel being herded through the crowd. His first thoughts were valiant: of course she was worth it! She was Jewel! His loyal, kind, generous, sweet friend whom he had known since he was a foal! The dungeon? Ha! He'd go to Tartarus for her! And bring back Tirek's horns on a velvet pillow!
Then reality hit. The unicorn had made it clear. Whether he gave up or not, he would not be dancing with Jewel that night. Besides, the thought of a prison cell paled next to the thought of his parents' shattered evening. He hung his head in defeat.
“Wise choice,” Goodnight smirked. He turned away and the tip of his tail whipped across the dragon-pony's nose.
“Are you okay?” asked Twinkle, appearing beside him.
“Yeah,” Applespike nodded slightly.
“We saw him standing over you just now,” said Zany, frowning. “Did he threaten you? So help me, I'll give him another Hot Hoof if--”
“NO!”
Both Twinkle and Zany stared at their friend in surprise. Applespike shook his head apologetically.
“Sorry. But I think I've had enough dancing for the night.”
“What! But we were just...” Zany started, but his friend had sadly turned away. “Where are you going?” he called after him.
“To get something to eat. Hopefully, I can remember which snacks you didn't enchant.”
Zany started to follow him but Twinkle laid a restraining hoof on his shoulder. “Leave him alone,” she said.
“But...”
“He doesn't want to talk right now,” said Twinkle firmly. “Maybe later. Just give him time.”
Zany hesitated then sighed. “Okay, fine. But we check on him after this next song, okay?”
“Okay!” The two wove their way back to the dance floor. The first song had ended to wild applause. Suddenly the lights dimmed and a disco ball shined little flecks of light across the room.
“Couples dance!” Pinkie's voice squealed over the loudspeakers. “Get your partner and hold them close.”
Zany gave Twinkle a crooked smile. “Well, you heard Aunt Pinkie. Hold me close!”
Twinkle snorted and tried to think of a snappy comeback, but none came to her. She looked into his cocky face, his fang glinting and his eyebrows waggling comically, and felt something tug in her chest. She always kept up a defense when she was around Zany. She never knew when his friendly teasing would lead to him playing an annoying practical joke. Now that defense was slipping away. The sarcastic grin she always used to deflect his chaotic personality was melting into an honest, soft smile.
“Okay.”
“Huh?” Zany's jaw dropped and his eyes widened in shock as Twinkle slid her hooves over his shoulders and pulled him in close. He put his hooves on her waist, intending to push her away. Instead, they slid around and pulled her closer into him.
“What the hay am I doing!” he thought as he glanced anxiously at his Dad. Discord, however, with his wife in his arms and her soft cheek resting against his, wasn't in the mood to notice much of anything. Zany gazed down at the little alicorn in his arms. Her head was now resting on his shoulder. Her warm breath lightly tickled his neck.
Hesitantly, he lowered his head. Hmmmm. Her fur and mane smelled like a nighttime bath with soothing lavender and just a hint of vanilla. He closed his eyes and sighed. He had never held a filly in his arms like this before-- and it felt good.
“I've been waiting for a mare like you
To come into my life...”
The two of them swayed slowly to the music, their eyes closed like a pair of dreamers, unaware of the other ponies swaying beside them. Unaware of the three pairs of eyes riveted on them.
“That's so sweet,” sighed Fluttershy, watching her son with his first slow dance.
“Humph! I should have sent her to Yakyakistan when I had the opportunity,” muttered Discord balefully.
“Twilight,” Flash murmured. “It's kind of hard to slow dance when your partner's head is turned the other away.”
“I can't tell if they're kissing or not,” Twilight whispered frantically. “No. She's just got her head on his shoulder. Whew! Can you face this way so I can watch them over your shoulder?”
Zany and Twinkle continued to sway. The little alicorn sighed and lightly nuzzled his neck, making him shudder as a feeling like tiny electric shocks ran down his spine. Twinkle lifted her head.
“Did I tickle you?” she asked.
“You did...something,” said Zany with a nervous chuckle.
Quietly, they settled back into the rhythm, each one wondering about what had just happened. After a while, Twinkle's mind wandered back to something she had thought about earlier.
“Zany?” she asked softly.
“Uh huh?”
“I was thinking.”
“About what?”
“About Applespike and Jewel.”
Zany lifted his head. “What were you thinking about them?”
“I have an idea how we could get them together,” she said. “Tell me what you think.”
Twinkle put her lips to Zany's ear and whispered her plan. The colt's face slowly broke into a mischievous grin.
“I like it! And I know the perfect place...”
Discord watched with narrowed eyes as Zany leaned in to whisper in Twinkle's ear.
“Um...Dear...your claw is digging into my ribs,” Fluttershy complained.
“Sweet Nothings!” Discord hissed. “He's whispering Sweet Nothings in her ear!”
“So?” asked Fluttershy, tapping his claw with her hoof until he loosened his grip.
“SO? Sweet Nothings always lead to Sweet Somethings! We've been married long enough for you to know that!”
Fluttershy rolled her eyes and sighed. “Yes, dear.”
Meanwhile, Flash Sentry was rolling his own eyes in frustration. “Twilight, that is the third time you've gasped in the past two minutes. What is our daughter doing that is so shocking?”
“They're whispering to each other. And Zany just smiled! I know that smile,” Twilight growled. “That's his 'I'm-up-to-no-good' smile! He's going to do something any minute, I just know it!”
Zany, it turned out, was planning something. The song was about to end and he wanted his first dance to finish with a dramatic flair.
“Get ready, Twinkle,” he said putting a hoof on her lower back.
“Ready for what?” she asked, confused.
“I'm going to dip you.”
“Dip me in what?” asked Twinkle in alarm.
Zany laughed. “No! I'm going to dip you backwards. You know, like in that show 'The Filly and the Beast'.”
“Oh! No, Zany! You can't do that!”
“Why not?” asked Zany, taking her hoof. “My Dad does it with my Mom all the time.”
“Yeah, but your Dad is a lot bigger than your Mom and—WHOOP!”
Twinkle was swept backwards with only Zany's arm on her back for support. The chaotic colt grinned smugly down at her.
“Told you I could-- Uh Oh!”
The smug look disappeared to be replaced by one of dismay as Zany realized his hold was slipping. Panicking, Twinkle grabbed the first thing she could get hold of, which, unfortunately, happened to be Zany's neck. The colt's eyes bugged out.
“No, Twinkle! Leggo before I—WHOA!”
Twinkle hit the floor with a little scream, dragging Zany down on top of her. For a stunned moment, they lay still, staring into each others faces. Then Twinkle began to giggle. Zany, relieved they were not hurt, joined in.
“THAT DOES IT!”
Zany stopped laughing as a large gloved hand grabbed him by his bob-tail and dragged him off Twinkle. Discord, his face like a thunder cloud, was holding a fishing pole, reeling in his son as if he was a big mouth bass. Twinkle scrambled to her feet only to be tackled by her mother.
“Are you all right, dear?” Twilight asked, hugging her neck tight. “That bad boy didn't hurt you, did he?”
“No, Mom,” Twinkle gasped. “I'm fine!”
“Luckily, I put an end to this nonsense when I did,” said Discord, holding Zany upside down like a landed shark. “I don't know what I was thinking, letting you dance with that little pony Lolita!”
“Watch it, Discord!” Twilight snapped. “That's my daughter you're talking about!”
“Well, that's my son YOU were talking about! Calling him a bad boy!”
“So? Everyone calls me that,” Zany muttered.
“Your son was on top of my daughter!” Twilight yelled. “What should I say?”
“Actually, I accidentally pulled him down on me,” said Twinkle shyly.
“Twinkle, please. He had the whole thing planned, I'm sure!”
“Oh, don't deflect the blame here, Twilight Flopple!” snarled Discord. “That little seductress of yours has had her eye on my son since she returned to Ponyville! If I hadn't--”
“I'm sorry. Is there a problem here?”
Everyone turned to look as Princess Celestia approached. The white alicorn held her head regally, but an amused smile played on her lips.
“I haven't seen you two this much at odds since the time Discord stole the Elements of Harmony. What is going on?”
“Well you should ask,” replied Discord, drawing himself up self righteously. “Your faithful pupil's daughter is putting the moves on my son and I am putting an end to it!”
“Oh, puh-leez!” said Twilight, rolling her eyes. “Zany was all over Twinkle and you know it!”
“Ahem!” Celestia cleared her throat pointedly. Discord and Twilight both fell silent. The princess looked them over as if they were two children who had just embarrassed their mother at the market. She glanced at Twinkle and Zany, mischief dancing in her eyes.
“I know you are both loving parents who worry for the welfare of your children,” Celestia addressed Discord and Twilight kindly. “And I would hate for that love to cause a rift in your friendship. So I propose that for this next dance Twinkle shall dance with her father, Flash Sentry, and Zany shall dance with his mother, Fluttershy!”
“What!” cried Discord, glancing at his wife who was already walking away with their son. “But what about--?”
“Oh, don't worry,” the princess interrupted smoothly. “It's only for this next dance. In the meantime, you will be Twilight Sparkle's partner.”
“He will be what?” asked Twilight, horrified.
“Oh no, you don't Tia!” cried Discord, crossing his arms across his chest. “You may be the boss of these ponies, but you are not the boss of me!”
Celestia smirked. “Oh, Screwball?”
“Yes, princess?” asked Discord's daughter, appearing beside her.
“I believe Princess Twilight Sparkle and your father need a time-out. Would you do the honors?”
Screwball grinned sweetly. “It would be my pleasure, your Highness.”
Discord was aghast. “No! Screwy, don't you dare--”
He snapped his claw to escape but was too late. A large pink magic-proof ball closed around him and Twilight. Giggling, Screwy slowly made the ball smaller, forcing Discord and Twilight closer together. Soon, the two were pressed cheek to cheek, chest to chest, and hoof to claw.
“Good thing you brushed your teeth,” muttered Twilight.
“Wish I could say the same for you.” Discord muttered back.
“Thank you, Screwball,” said Princess Celestia. She turned to the crowd and raised a golden hoof. “Now, my little ponies, let the dancing resume!”
The band broke into another slow love song that soon had the whole room swaying, including Discord and Twilight who sullenly rocked back and forth in their magical prison. Zany glanced at Twinkle over his mother's shoulder.
“Sorry” , he mouthed.
Twinkle shrugged. “It's all right. ”
Zany inclined his head towards Jewel who being rounded up by Goodnight and his crew.
“We still on?”
The little alicorn grinned. “I wouldn't miss it for the world.”
Author's Note
Man, am I showing my age. Anyone catch the band references? In case you didn't, here they are:
The Chaotic Three: A Zany Story
Jewel lay in bed next to Gemstone, listening to her sister's soft snores. The older unicorn had dropped off almost as soon as her head hit the pillow, utterly exhausted from sharing dance after dance with her colt-friend and sampling all the delicious foods. Jewel was exhausted too, but not for the same reason. She was exhausted from being herded from one end of the room to another just so she could be seen the company of some important pony who usually never bothered to speak to her. She was exhausted from having to stand on the sidelines, watching while everyone else danced and had fun. And she was very tired from watching the others eat all the delicious vegetables, fruits, cakes, pies and eclairs they wanted while her mouth watered and her poor tummy rumbled!
GURGLE! Jewel groaned quietly as her empty stomach complained. How she wished she had told her family! They would have gotten her something to eat. But they were all so tired and ready for bed, she didn't have the heart to ask. She would have gone herself but one of Picture Perfect's unicorn stallions had been assigned to watch her. It was doubtful he would have let her eat anything more than a carrot stick.
Sighing, Jewel carefully slid out of the bed without disturbing her sister. Quietly, she tip-hoofed over to the window and looked out over the grounds. The Gala was over but she could still see a few ponies lingering in the garden, enjoying the beautiful night. The full moon shone softly, casting it's silver light through the window.
Bitterly, Jewel recalled Picture Perfect's plan for her to kiss Stud Muffin with the moon in the background. Thankfully, the Blue Flu had put an end to that scheme. Or, rather, Zany put an end to that scheme. Jewel smirked. She had caught a glimpse of him and Twinkle spying on her during the photo shoot that morning and was certain he had overheard Stud Muffin's nasty remarks regarding Discord and Fluttershy. She knew what Zany could do when he got angry, and thought the colt model had gotten off easy. Unlike that bully, Goodnight.
Goodnight! A devilish grin spread across Jewel's face as she recalled the big stallion's undignified bucking as his hooves started burning. Then having to be rescued by Discord and forced to stand in a paddling pool with that silly ducky swim ring around his middle! It had taken all her will power not to hit the floor laughing in front of all those ponies. It served him right! It served him and Stud Muffin right! The horrid, narrow-minded, little tattle-tails!
Jewel chuckled quietly, reminded of a little song she, Zany and Applespike used to sing whenever someone told on them.
“Tattle-tail, tattle-tail
Hang your undies on a nail.
Hang 'em high, hand 'em low
Hang 'em in a studio!”
How she wished for those days again!
POOF! Jewel jumped as a flash of magic quietly popped behind her. She whirled around and saw the dark shape of a pony standing next to her bed. Quickly, she charged up her magic.
“Who's there?” she whispered, pointing her horn at the intruder.
“Don't shoot!” a familiar voice whispered back. “It's me. Twinkle Sparkle.”
“Twinkle? Oh, thank goodness!” Jewel breathed in relief as she powered down her horn. “I was afraid you might be a crazed fan. What are you doing here?”
“I came to fetch you,” said Twinkle.
“Fetch me?” asked Jewel, taken aback. She glanced at her sleeping sister. “Fetch me for what?”
Twinkle grinned. “You'll see! You ready to go?”
“What, now?” exclaimed Jewel, horrified. “But, I'm still in my nightgown!”
The little alicorn rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Jewel, what is it with your family and clothes? Okay! Okay! Just take it off and we'll go.”
Jewel removed her gown and laid it carefully across her pillow.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“You'll see. Don't worry.” Twinkle threw a hoof across Jewel's back and closed her eyes. The unicorn had no time to wonder before they vanished in a huff of magic. They reappeared in a well lit hallway before a large wooden door.
“Where are we?” asked Jewel.
“Shhh!” Twinkle shushed. “We're a few doors down from your parent's suite. That big unicorn is right around the corner.”
Quietly, they opened the door and slipped inside. Twinkle lit a few lamps, revealing a sitting area with cyan colored cushions and a low rectangular table. To the right, was an arch that led out to a wide balcony. Jewel stepped out onto it and admired the moonlit view.
“Beautiful,” she breathed.
“This was supposed to be Aunt Rainbow Dash and Uncle Soarin's suite,” Twinkle explained. “That's why it has such a big balcony.”
“Oh, what happened to them, by the way?” asked Jewel. “Gem was hoping to see Prism.”
Twinkle shook her head. “I don't know. They wrote Mom that Aunt Rainbow passed out during a practice run in Whinnyapolis. The safety team caught her before she crashed.”
“Thank goodness! I hope it's nothing serious.”
“They're running some tests at the hospital up there. Mom and Aunt Pinkie are taking the train up there tomorrow to check on her.”
Jewel sighed. “I wish I could go with them. I would like to see the Dash family again.”
“Me, too,” said Twinkle. “Even if the twins do get on my nerves.”
POOF! Both fillies looked over their shoulders as a strong burst of magic popped behind them. Twinkle smirked.
“Well, speaking of things that get on my nerves,” she murmured to Jewel.
“Hello?” Zany's voice called. “Twinkle, where are-- Oh! There you are!” The draconequess-pony stepped out onto the balcony. “I was worried I had the wrong room.”
“Zany!” Jewel threw her hooves around his neck. “Oh, I'm so glad to see you! Is Applespike here too?”
“I'm right here,” the colt in question replied, emerging into the moonlight. Jewel released Zany to slide her arms around Applespike.
“I'm so happy to see you,” she murmured, resting her head on his shoulder as she held him to her. Applespike gulped as he timidly slid a hoof around her slim waist.
“I- I'm glad to see you, too,” he whispered.
Jewel nuzzled his neck, drinking in his scent. Like the other members of the Apple clan, he smelled of sweet apples. But, he also smelled of fire and heat. The two smells combined to form the delicious scent of sweet, syrupy apple pie with hot, flaky crust.
GURGLE! Jewel blushed in embarrassment as her tummy rumbled loud enough for everyone to hear. “Pardon me,” she said.
Zany grinned. “That was you? For a moment there, I thought a Manticore had gotten in here!”
All four ponies fell out laughing. Jewel most of all. These were her friends, she reminded herself. She didn't have to put on airs for them.
Twinkle was the first to recover. “So, Jewel-- hee-hee! Are you hungry?”
“Simply starving!” Jewel replied emphatically. “The last time I ate anything was when Aunt Applejack offered me some carrot sticks for a snack.”
“Really?” said Twinkle, wide-eyed. “That's when we were all getting dressed for the Gala. That's been hours ago!”
“I know. Goodnight was supposed to get me some punch and carrots, but--” She glanced at Zany and Applespike, then looked quickly away. “Well, you saw what happened.”
Zany guiltily rubbed the back of his neck with his hoof. “Yeah, sorry about that,” he said.
“Don't be!” said Jewel. “It was worth it to see that ruffian get what he deserved.”
“I can try to raid the royal kitchen,” Twinkle offered doubtfully. “If I can remember where it is.”
“No need. I got it covered!”
Everypony looked at Applespike as he produced a bulging burlap bag.
“When it comes to food, we Apples are always prepared,” he said proudly.
The three ponies made themselves comfortable around the low table as Applespike spread out a feast. There were fresh apple slices, carrot sticks and celery sticks with a cup of creamy ranch dressing for dipping. There were half a dozen buttermilk biscuits with apple butter spread, some apple brown betty, and four oatmeal raisin muffins. Lastly, he pulled out a small bundle wrapped in brown paper.
“And now,” he said imitating a Prench accent. “Zee Piece-d-Resistance !” He opened the bundle with a flourish. “Viola !”
“Oh, my gosh!” Jewel squealed. “Eclairs!”
“From the kitchen of Gustave LeGrande, himself,” said Applespike with a bow. “Cinnamon Roll made sure we got plenty to take back to Granny and the folks at home.”
“Oh, my!” Jewel breathed, her eyes taking in all the good food. “It's all so wonderful. I don't know where to begin!”
“I know where I'm going to start,” said Zany, levitating an eclair to his mouth. He bit into it, a look of utter bliss on his face as he tasted the rich cream filling. “MMMM! Magnifique !
The others dug in. Applespike doled out the muffins and the remaining eclairs, then slathered apple butter on the biscuits and passed those around as well. Twinkle started slowly with the fruit and vegetables. They didn't often get farm fresh produce in Canterlot, so the crisp, juicy apples and carrots were a treat. After some hesitation, Jewel ate a few bites of celery then went straight for the pastries and biscuits.
Applespike watched her eat with a mixture of admiration and awe. Like his Uncle Big Mac, he liked seeing some pony enjoy their food-- especially when it was prepared by a member of his family. He admired the way she ate. She was so dainty, taking such ladylike bites. Not a blob of butter or crumb of pastry smeared her face or littered her coat. What amazed him was the sheer amount of food she was putting away. Despite her tiny bites, she managed to polish off a muffin, two biscuits, an eclair, and most of the apple brown betty in just a few minutes.
“You weren't kidding about starving,” said Zany in amusement. “Any pony trying to muscle in on your food would lose a hoof!”
Jewel giggled and daintily wiped her lips with a paper napkin. “I was hungry. I haven't had a feast like that since the dinner at Sweet Apple Acres.”
“Wow,” Applespike murmured. “Don't they feed you at all those fancy dinners you go to?”
“Fancy dinners in fancy restaurants with fancy food on fancy plates,” she sniffed in disgust. “Tiny portions that taste like cardboard! Nothing savory or sweet, like your sister's Apples 'N Onions. And then, even if I wanted to eat it all, I couldn't because I'm on a DIET!” The others looked at her wide-eyed as she viciously spat out that last word.
“That's crazy!” said Applespike, frowning. “You've never been fat.”
“Tell that to Picture Perfect,” Jewel replied, leaning back into the cushions. “He's convinced I'm as big as one of your Mom's prize winning hogs.” She giggled as she patted her full tummy. “If I keep eating like this, I soon will be.”
“We all will,” said Twinkle, levitating some apple brown betty to her mouth. “Mmmm! Canterlot has good food but it doesn't compare to Ponyville's.”
“Nothing compares to Ponyville's ,” agreed Zany with a sigh. “The clouds there make the best cotton candy.”
“I hope I can visit there again soon,” said Jewel. “I miss my family but I also miss being part of the Chaotic Three!”
“We miss you, too,” said Applespike.
“Yeah!” Zany added. “We hadn't been able to pull off any really good pranks until you came back to Ponyville.” He rolled on his back, laughing. “That was the best! All those bubbles floating around, and everybody blaming Dad!”
“And Cinnamon Roll whacking you over the head with that ladle,” said Twinkle with a little snorting giggle.
Zany gave her a sour look as Applespike and Jewel choked back their laughter.
“Right,” he said. “I still owe you for that.”
“Oh! Turning my face green wasn't enough?” asked Twinkle, instantly on her guard.”
“Too tame,” Zany shrugged. “I think I should up the ante. An eye for an eye and a hoof for a hoof.”
Jewel sat up in in alarm. “Zany!” she cried. “You surely wouldn't consider hitting a lady?”
“Of course not!” he said, placing a hoof over his heart. “My father taught me to never strike a lady--”
“Are you about to say that I'm not a lady?” asked Twinkle, her eyes glinting dangerously.
Zany snorted. “Don't be silly! Of course not! I was going to say my father taught me to never strike a lady...with anything hard!”
“Huh?
Twinkle noticed the marshmallow mallet over her head a second too late. She managed one outraged squeal before the thing began pummeling her head.
“Zany! You-- little-- weasel!”
“Weasel?” said Zany, suddenly sporting a long wiggling nose and whiskers. “I prefer mongoose, myself. But, I guess they're all in the same family.”
Twinkle growled. Angrily, she lit up her horn and pointed it at the marshmallow mallet.
“No, Twinkle!” cried Applespike. “Don't blast--”
PLOMP! Globs of melted marshmallow flew in every direction. It covered the table, the cushions, and all four ponies.
“--it!” Applespike finished.
“Goodness!” Jewel looked down at the splattered mess on her fur then tentatively ran a hoof through her mane. “Ugh! It's in my hair! I hope you can do something about this!” She said, glaring at Twinkle.
The little alicorn looked sheepish. “Sorry about that,” she murmured, scraping the sticky confection from her horn. “I'll have you fixed up in a minute.”
“Humph! And that was my favorite weapon, too,” Zany muttered as he pulled a sticky glob of marshmallow from his forehead. He yelped in pain as both of his eyebrows came off with it. He used his magic to reattach them. “Looks like somepony has anger issues.”
“No,” Twinkle growled “I have a Zany issue.”
“Could you two stop fighting for a minute and get this cleaned up?” asked Applespike, leaning in between them. “There's no way we can go back to our rooms looking like this.”
The two rivals slowly backed down.
“I've got it,” said Twinkle, powering up her horn. There was a flash and all traces of the melted marshmallow disappeared. Jewel checked her mane and sighed in relief.
“Oh, much better!”
“The party's not over yet,” said Zany, grinning. “You've eaten. Now, the fun can start.”
All three ponies watched as he stood on his hind legs, his forelegs over his head. His eyes glowed and magic swirled around him. Jewel and Applespike gasped as the guest room underwent a dramatic transformation. The ceiling rose up until it was soaring as high as Celestia's throne room. Purple and red banners emblazoned with diamonds and apples rippled down from the rafters. A crystal chandelier formed overhead, catching the light of the moon as it shone through the window and reflecting its rays as tiny bits of soft silver light.
“It's...it's...beautiful,” Jewel murmured. “This...this is grander than the great ballroom!”
Zany turned without a word and pointed his hooves at Jewel and Applespike. Both ponies gasped as his magic enveloped them.
“What the hay...” cried Applespike, looking down at himself. He was wearing a shining white jacket with an apple-shaped ruby attached to the chest. A fragrant apple blossom decorated the lapel. He turned to Jewel and, for a moment, almost forgot to breathe. The pretty unicorn was decked out in a shimmering silver gown. A silver tiara with three diamond shaped crystals adorned her head. The dragon-pony gulped. She looked every inch like a princess!
“Very impressive,” said Twinkle, nodding approvingly.
“Not finished yet,” murmured Zany. In a flash, a turntable appeared along with a very bewildered looking DJ Pony. She lifted her dark glasses and gave Zany a questioning look.
“Yeah, sorry to disturb you this late. You mind putting on some slow music for my friends here?”
The disc jockey regarded the group for a moment then shrugged and gave a cheerful nod. Soon, the first haunting strains of “Unbridled Melody” was playing.
“So, Applespike,” said Zany, giving his befuddled friend a hearty nudge. “Isn't there something you want to ask Jewel?”
“Huh?” Applespike blinked as if coming out of a trance. “What?”
Zany rolled his eyes. “Ahem!” he said, pointing both hooves emphatically towards the pretty unicorn.
The dragon-pony blushed. “Oh, right!” He turned to Jewel, who was looking at him questioningly. “Jewel. Um. Would you care to dance with me?”
A soft blush crept over the white unicorn's cheeks. “I would be delighted,” she said.
As if in a dream, Applespike took her hoof and slid an arm around her slender waist. Jewel smiled at him as she placed a hoof on his shoulder. Hesitantly, he led the dance. Nothing fancy, just small rocking steps that led them in a circle. Jewel looked up at him, her face glowing with delight.
“You dance very well,” she complimented.
Applespike smiled. “I've had some practice at the hoedowns. They play slow music there too.”
They did not speak again until near the end of the song.
“Say, Jewel.”
“Yes?”
“Would you mind if I dipped ya'?”
Jewel giggled. “Not at all!”
Twinkle and Zany gasped in horror as Applespike dipped Jewel backwards. The little unicorn went down until her back was only a foot from the floor. Applespike held her there in his strong arms, his dragon tail stuck out for balance. Boldly, she released her hold on his shoulder and held her hoof over her head in an elegant gesture. Each stared adoringly into the others eyes.
“Shoot! They make it look so easy,” Zany muttered. “Maybe you need to lose weight,” he added to Twinkle.
“Maybe you should try bucking apples for a living,” Twinkle retorted. “It would definitely make you stronger.”
Applespike effortlessly raised Jewel back up in time for the next song. This time both of her hooves slid around his neck and her head lay against his shoulder. The half-pony sighed happily, his own hooves encircling her waist, his muzzle nuzzling her mane. They closed their eyes in utter bliss and slowly swayed to the music.
“When a stallion loves a mare,
Can't keep his mind on nothin' else
He'd trade the world
For the good thing he's found...”
Applespike sighed again, breathing in the sweet floral scent of her mane. Mmmmm. Sweet magnolias! His favorite flower next to apple blossoms. He held her a little closer, his heart beating hard in his chest. He had danced with other fillies, but none of them had ever made him feel like this. He felt excited and nervous, but also warm and comfortable. Wasn't this the way his father had once described being in love?
Softly, he nuzzled her cheek, hearing her sigh at the pleasant sensation. The sound made his heart soar. She had not startled or pulled away. She had enjoyed the intimate touch! He buried his face in her mane, feeling like he was dancing on air!
He opened his eyes a crack and was puzzled to see the chandelier close by. What was it doing so close to the floor? And wasn't the ceiling supposed to be higher than this? Why, he could almost touch...
UH OH!
He glanced down and saw Zany and Twinkle laid out on the cushions far below, watching them.
“Nice touch,” said Twinkle.
Zany shrugged. “I try.”
Panicking, Applespike tightened his hold on Jewel's waist. The little unicorn, unaware of what was happening, returned the embrace. The dragon-pony glared down at his friend.
Down! He mouthed. Down! Now!
Zany shot him a sour look but complied.
Party Pooper! He mouthed back.
Jewel sighed as the dance ended with them both planted back on the floor.
“That was lovely,” she whispered.
“I liked it, too,” said Applespike, wiping the cold sweat from his brow. “You mind if we go out on the balcony for a bit? I could use a little air.”
“Of course,” Jewel replied. “My goodness! You weren't joking. You're perspiring horribly.”
The two of them stepped out onto the moonlit balcony. A cool breeze caressed their faces and played in their manes. Luna's moon was higher now, casting shorter shadows across the landscape.
“I wish we could see the valley from here,” said Jewel softly.
“That would be a sight,” agreed Applespike. “You could see the main road to Ponyville over there.” He pointed to the left. “And the railroad track going towards Appleloosa and Cherry Town over here...”
“How do you know all that?” Jewel marveled.
“The stars. My family does a lot of stargazing out on the farm.”
“I remember,” Jewel murmured. “Mother used to take us out there to watch the meteor showers.”
“Yeah,” Applespike chuckled. “Aunt Fluttershy always had to leave Zany at home because he'd try to ride them. Those were good times.”
“Yes,” the little unicorn sighed. “I wish I could go back in time and do it over again.”
Applespike snorted. “Aren't we a little young to be talking like Granny and Aunt Goldie? Besides, my family still has stargazing parties and we all still get together for the meteor showers. And Zany did actually get to ride one, though he burned his tail clean off doing it.”
Jewel giggled. “I remember you wrote me that! I just wish I was there to see it.”
Applespike glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. Slowly, he stole an arm around her shoulder and drew her close.
“You're not happy being a model, are ya'?” he asked quietly.
“What?” Jewel said, looking up sharply. “Don't be silly! Of course I...I...” She looked into his kind, earnest eyes and the lie she was telling died on her lips. She dropped her head with a moan. “You're right. I hate it.”
“I thought so.” Applespike softly pressed his muzzle into her mane. “All that talk about diets and bad fancy food was a dead give away. That and your not being allowed to enjoy yourself at the Gala.”
“I never dreamed it would be like this,” Jewel whispered. “I imagined being a model as a wonderful, glamorous life. I thought I would travel, see the sights, and meet new ponies. But it's work, Applespike. Not like the work you do. You plow a field or buck apples and you can see the good work you've done. I have to pose and and smile and wear whatever outfit Picture Perfect demands I wear. Then I have to wait for the reviews. If they're good, I get all the praise as if I'm the most brilliant filly in Equestria. If they're bad...”
Jewel choked. “I get all the blame.”
Applespike pulled her to his chest and let her cry into his jacket. Once her sobs had abated some, she managed to continue.
“The only sights I've seen is what I can see from the window of a railroad car or a hotel balcony. When we stopped in Appleloosa, a pretty buffalo named Little Strongheart tried to speak to me but Goodnight called her a dirty cow and sent her away.”
“The varmint,” growled Applespike, low.
“And now Picture Perfect has that insufferable colt model, Stud Muffin! He started a rumor that we were a couple so Stud Muffin could get some publicity. Now I have to be seen with him almost everywhere I go and appear to be happy with him.”
“But you're not,” Applespike confirmed.
“Dear Celestia, no! He's a bigger jerk than Goodnight, if that's possible. I didn't realize until I came to work for Picture Perfect that there were such bigots in Equestria! I'm afraid growing up in Ponyville where the pony races have always gotten along didn't prepare me for this!
He thinks Earth Ponies are stupid and that Pegasai need to be reminded of 'their place'. He thinks Minotaurs need to be banned, Griffons banished, and a certain draconequess we both know returned to his spot in the Canterlot Gardens. I'll spare you what he thinks of dragons.”
“I can imagine,” said Applespike, nuzzling her mane again. “I'm half dragon myself, and even I'm scared of them.”
Jewel chuckled at that. Softly, she rubbed her face into his jacket while he played with her hair. They stayed like that for a long time, neither one speaking. The only sound they could hear was the music from the turntable. After awhile, Applespike sighed.
“Why don't ya' come back to Ponyville with us?” he asked quietly. “I know your family would be happy if you did. I know...I would be.”
Jewel shook her head against his chest. “I can't. I'm under contract.”
“So?” asked Applespike. “Aunt Fluttershy was under contract to Photo Finish but she was able to quit when she got sick of it. So can you.”
“No. I can't Applespike.” Jewel raised her head and looked earnestly into his eyes. “For starters, this is Picture Perfect we're talking about, not Photo Finish. Aunt Fluttershy's contract was only for two years. When she quit, the only thing Photo Finish demanded was that she not model for anyone else. My contract is a lot stricter.
I'm contracted for six years. I've already worked three of them, so I've got three more to go. If I quit, not only would I be forbidden from modeling for anyone else...but I'd have to pay a penalty.”
“How much?” asked Applespike.
Jewel sighed. “One million bits.”
“Whoa!” Applespike felt like some pony had knocked the air out of him. “That's a lot of bits!”
“I think that's how much Picture Perfect figured I could generate for him,” Jewel shrugged. “He wasn't far wrong.”
“Whoa,” Applespike repeated. One million bits! Granny Smith could sell Sweet Apple Acres and not get anything close to that amount! Only some Canterlot gentle-pony would have that kind of cash.
“What about your Dad?” he asked. “He's rich. He could pay it.”
Jewel shook her head. “Daddy's rich but not that rich. A million bits would be a big blow to him.”
Applespike thought about that for a moment. “I don't think he'd mind it. In fact, I think he'd think it was worth it just to have you home again.”
Jewel sighed painfully. “There's more to it than that.”
“What else is there?”
“My mother.” she whispered. “Picture Perfect swore he'd ruin Mom's businesses in Manehattan and Canterlot if I didn't do as he said. Those boutiques are her pride and joy. It would kill her to lose them.”
Applespike shook his head. “That's crazy, Jewel! Your Mom is one of the best designers there is! Folks have been shopping her stores for years. On top of that, she's one of the Mane Six! A national hero, for crying out loud! How could some jerk like Picture Perfect ruin her?”
“By spreading slander and gossip, that's how! Believe me, he excels at it. And nothing sells a gossip magazine faster than dirt on a well known or respected pony.”
“Does your mother know?”
“No, I haven't told her or anyone else.” Jewel lowered her eyes. “I...I don't want them to worry about me.”
The dragon-pony couldn't help but chuckle at that. “Isn't that a parent's job? Worryin' about their young-uns?”
Jewel did not answer. She bowed her head and closed her eyes tight as if trying to fight back tears. Applespike gave a sigh of defeat and gently guided her head back to his chest.
“I'm sorry,” he murmured. “I've just missed you so much these past three years. I hate to think it might be another three before I get to see you again.”
Jewel felt her chest tighten and tears prick her eyes.
“I missed you, too,” she whispered.
“You don't know how happy I was to see you that day at the train station,” he went on. “It was like Hearth's Warming had come early. And that picnic under the gazebo was one of the most wonderful dinners I've had in a while...because you were there to share it.”
Slowly, Jewel lifted her head and looked into his face.
“Applespike?” she said, her voice shaking with emotion.
“Yes?”
“I...I want to give you something. I was supposed to give it to Stud Muffin, but I want you to have it.”
Applespike's eyes widened in surprise as she slid her hooves around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss on the lips.
I'm dreaming , he thought, his heart pounding in his chest. This can't be happening!
Then he felt her lips, warm and sweet against his and everything else melted away. His eyes slowly closed. His arms hugged her body tightly against his. The kiss deepened. A delicious thrill went through him as she softly moaned against his mouth.
They pulled apart a moment later; both of them breathing hard, neither of them releasing their hold on the other.
“That was...” Applespike gasped.
“Yes.”
He leaned in closer until their lips were barely brushing.
“Jewel?”
A delicious shiver went down her spine when he whispered her name.
“Yes?”
“May I have...more?”
“Oh, yes!”
Neither of them heard the balcony curtain close behind them. Nor did they hear the words Zany muttered to Twinkle as they helped themselves to the leftover food on the table.
“After fifteen years, it's a about darn time!”
Author's Note
Sorry it's been a while since my last post. I hope ya'll like it.
The Chaotic Three: A Zany Story
Author's Note
This is not very long. The next one will have more action in it.
Revelation on a Train
Attention all passengers, all trains will be begin boarding in five minutes. Please, make your way to the appropriate platform at this time. If you don't know which platform you should be at, I suggest you check your ticket stub because it's written on there in black and white! I mean, honestly, do we have to do everything for you?
Please, secure all baggage and children at this time. Any foals left unattended will be given away free to loving homes. Keep all heads and hooves inside the cars at all times--
“Discord?”
“Yes, dear?”
“I know you're bored, but could you please come with me and let the station ponies do their job.”
“Fine,” Discord huffed, tossing the microphone to a nearby ticket seller.
“And give the nice conductor pony his hat back.”
“No problem,” chuckled the conductor as Discord reluctantly relinquished the cap. “This sort of thing happens to me all the time. Of course, it's usually foals.”
Discord huffed again, then shrugged. “Just as well.” He snapped his talon and a blue striped engineer's cap appeared on his head. “The engineer's job is always more exciting.”
“Oh, dear,” sighed Fluttershy. It was going to be an interesting ride back to Ponyville.
She guided her husband to the platform where the train to Whinnyapolis was waiting. Rarity, Applejack and Spike with their families surrounded Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie as they prepared to board.
“You let us know what's goin' on right away!” said Applejack, hugging Twilight's neck.
“Remember, you can always send a message through me or Applespike,” Spike reminded her.
“I will,” Twilight promised.
“Give Rainbow-Dash our love!” cried Rarity. “And we hope she's all right!”
“Tell her to let us know if she needs us,” added Fluttershy.
“If you see Prism, tell her I'm thinking of her!” said Gemstone.
“Us too!” cried the Tri-Pies, hugging their mother from three sides. Their father, Red Shoes, stood on stilts to reach Pinkie for a kiss.
“Have a safe trip my Precious, Perfectly Pink Party Pony,” he murmured.
“You, too! My Super, Stupendous, Sweet, Silly Stallion!” Pinkie cooed back.
Discord grimaced. “That is so syrupy it should be served on pancakes,” he muttered.
Twinkle nuzzled her mother. “Bye, Mom. I love you.”
“I love you, too, Sweetie.”
“Here's a bag of food for your trip!” said Cinnamon Roll, hoofing over a medium sized burlap bag and a small black iron pot with an iron cover. “This is some Vegetable Gumbo Gulliand made. It's really good. I hope you like it.”
“Are you kidding?” asked Pinkie, lifting the lid to take a sniff. “Mmmmmm! How can I not like something that rhymes with two of my favorite words?
“Which words are those, Pinkie?”
“MUMBO-JUMBO!”
“Why--” Cinnamon Roll started to ask, but Applejack stopped her.
“Don't ask.”
“All aboard! Train leaving for Whinnyapolis!” one of the conductors called out.
With one last wave, Twilight and Pinkie hurried aboard. The others waited until they were inside, then quickly made their way to the Ponyville platform.
Twinkle Sparkle followed the group at a distance. She watched Zany, who was walking next to Applespike. With him occupied, she was free to study some of his finer qualities. He was a handsome colt. His gray fur was rough and uncombed, but it made him look dashingly rugged. He did not have the muscle tone that Applespike had, but his slender shape was pleasing.
Twinkle grinned. She felt the urge to pop up next to him and ask if he would like to go to Doughnut Joe's for a hot chocolate. Next time he was in Canterlot, that is. And if his Dad didn't mind. And her mother never found out.
“Are you all right, Twinkle?”
“Huh?” Twinkle blinked and turned to Gemstone. The unicorn was looking at her strangely.
“I'm sorry. You just looked a little lost.”
“Oh, I'm fine, Gem,” answered Twinkle quickly. “I'm just thinking about how much I will miss all of you.”
Gemstone glanced at her slyly. “All of us? Or mainly a certain pink-haired colt who enjoys practical jokes?”
Twinkle blushed fiercely. Gem giggled.
“It's all right. I promise I won't tell anyone.” She leaned in and added. “Just between you and me, I think you two would make a nice couple.”
Twinkle blushed so hard, she could hear her heart thumping in her ears.
“I didn't see Jewel at breakfast this morning,” she said, desperate to change the subject. “Has she already left for Manehattan?”
“I'm afraid so,” sighed Gem, shaking her head sadly. “They came and took her away before the sun came up. We had thought they'd let her stay a while so they could get some pictures of her eating breakfast with the Princess. Instead, they woke us all up at 4:00 this morning to get her dressed and on the first train out! Daddy was none too happy about that.”
“I'll bet,” said Twinkle, putting an arm around the older unicorn's shoulder.
“I think they did it to hide Stud Muffin's illness,” Gemstone whispered. “I caught a glimpse of him when they came for Jewel. He was wearing a cloak and dark glasses, like he didn't want anyone to recognize him. He was still a little blue.”
“Really?” Twinkle could hardly keep from grinning. “That's too bad.”
“Come along, Gemstone!” the fillies heard Fancy Pants call. “The train is boarding, sweetheart!”
“Coming, Daddy! Bye, Twinkle!”
“Bye!” Twinkle watched as the little unicorn rejoined her family. Rarity and Fancy Pants carried themselves with their usual regal bearing, but she could see the sadness in their eyes. The little alicorn gritted her teeth. There was something wrong with Jewel's contract, she just knew it! Her search through the law books, so far, had turned up nothing but she wasn't about to give up. She still had one resource left that she had not tapped into yet...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Applejack sat beside Spike, feeling the steady rocking motion as the train chugged towards Ponyville. The beautiful countryside flashed by the window, but her eyes were riveted on her son, Applespike. He was sitting with Zany about four seats down from them, staring out the window. Applejack bit her lip as the chaotic colt placed a comforting hoof on her son's shoulder.
“Oh, Spike!” she murmured to her husband. “I'm so worried about our baby! He ain't done nothing but stare out that window since we left the station. Do you think it broke his heart, not being able to dance with Jewel?”
Spike glanced at his son. “Don't worry, AJ. Applespike's fine. He's probably just a little tired from last night.”
“Yeah, we all were a little tired,” Applejack conceded. “Letting Zany spend the night with us last night probably wasn't the best thing either. Still...” she sighed. “I wish he and Jewel could have shared just one little dance.”
Spike laid a soft kiss on his wife's forehead. It might be best, he thought, if she didn't know about the little blast of magic that had come from the boys' room in the middle of the night. Or that their snack bag had mysteriously vanished and returned a lot lighter. Or that their son and wakened that morning smelling of biscuits, brown betty, apple blossoms – and magnolias.
There were just some things only a father could understand.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Applespike sat quietly in his seat, his head propped on his hoof, staring out the train car window. Despite the pretty view, his mind was far away. Last night was by far the most wonderful night of his life and he wanted to relive every moment of it! The easy meal, with no adults to eavesdrop on the conversation or give them unwanted advice. The slow dance, holding Jewel in his arms as they swayed together in harmony. And the kiss, soft and sweet, her lips tasting like apple brown betty. Then the next kiss. And the next kiss. And the next...
Zany watched in amusement as a dopey grin slowly spread across his friend's face.
“Twitterpated,” he muttered. “Completely and utterly twitterpated. Hey, Equestria to Applespike!” he added out loud. “Come in, Applespike!”
“Huh?” the dragon-pony startled. “What? What is it?”
“Nothing, I'm just bored. It's a long ride back to Ponyville and I was hoping you could keep me entertained.”
Applespike sighed irritably. “By doing what? Juggling apples while riding a unicycle upside down over a pool full of hungry hydra?”
“If you're volunteering...” Zany grinned, showing his fang. Applespike, for once, did not protest or look worried. If anything, he looked annoyed. The chaotic colt frowned.
“Okay, I want you to quit ignoring me. You know I can't stand that!”
“Sorry,” Applespike apologized. “I just can't stop thinking about last night.” His head strayed back to the window and the dreamy look returned to his eyes.
“Ahem!”
“Oops! Sorry. It was one of the best nights of my life! I can't believe I finally got to hold Jewel the way I've been wanting to all these years.”
“You're welcome,” said Zany with a smirk.
“It just felt so good and so right,” Applespike continued. “And when she kissed me... it was like the most amazing feeling in the world! Like our lips were meant to touch. Like--”
He suddenly stopped.
“Like what?” asked Zany.
“Great Celestia on her throne!” Applespike whispered. His mouth hung open and his green eyes were round as soup bowls. Zany became alarmed.
“What is it?” he demanded. “Tell me!”
“Zany!” the dragon-pony managed to croak. “I'm...I'm...I'm in love with Jewel!”
The chaotic colt rolled his eyes...then put them back in his head. “Tell me something I don't know next time,” he grunted.
“No, shut up and listen to me! When I turned thirteen, my Pa and I had...The Talk.”
“Birds and Bees thing?” guessed Zany.
“Sort of. He told me about...well...that . But he also told me about how it feels to be in love. He said the first time he and Ma kissed, it was pure magic. His heart was racing but kissing her felt so good and comfortable. He said it was like their lips were meant to touch.”
“Yeah, so?”
“So?” Applespike clopped him on the noggin. “Don't you see, Zany? That's how it felt with Jewel! I mean, I've always had a thing for her but it was more like a really big crush. But this! This is the real thing! I'm in love!”
“Are you sure?” Zany asked sourly, rubbing his forehead. “It's not like you've got much experience kissing fillies.”
“Yes, I have!”
Zany smirked. “Third cousins don't count. OUCH!” He cried out as another clop struck him between the ears. “Will you cut that out!”
“Well, quit goofing around. I'm serious.”
“So am I! Before last night, when was the last time you kissed a filly?”
Applespike blushed. “This past Summer Sun Celebration. I was slow dancing with Nutmeg Sprinkles.”
“Nutmeg? The Earth pony filly with the light-brown fur and lavender mane?”
“Yeah. Well, we danced together most of the night. Then, well, we sorta ended up kissing under the oak trees in the park.”
“How was it?” asked Zany, leaning in close.
Applespike rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. “It was – nice. I liked it. Her lips tasted kinda like pumpkin pie. And they were soft. It felt like I was rubbing my lips against velvet.”
“And?”
“Well, that was it. I mean Nutmeg is a sweet filly and I enjoyed kissing her, but that was all. There was no spark like there was with Jewel. No...thrill.”
“Humph!” Zany grunted. “I think I'd be thrilled if I got a kiss from Nutmeg Sprinkles. She's quite the cutie.”
“Why don't you ask her out? She isn't dating anyone right now.”
Zany looked uncomfortable. “Yeah...um. The thing is...I...kinda...did.”
“And?”
He blushed. “She turned me down.”
“Oh, sorry.”
Zany shrugged. “Happens to me all the time. The fillies seem to like me, they just don't want to get too close for some reason.”
“Well,” said Applespike choosing his words carefully. “You have pulled some interesting pranks on them in the past.”
“Like on class picture day when I turned everyone's faces pea-soup green right before the photographer took the photo?” Zany chortled.
“Well, I was thinking about the time you turned that snobby filly's mane and tail into live snakes,” Applespike shuddered. “That really freaked everyone out.”
“It's not like they were poisonous or anything,” said Zany defensively. “Besides, she deserved it. She was trash talking Aunt Rarity in front of Jewel and Gemstone. I couldn't let that stand.”
“Maybe, but it was really scary, Zany. You have to admit, you do some crazy stuff when you're ticked off. And the fillies...well...Jewel told me that most of them think you're good looking and kinda charming when you want to be...”
“But...” Zany prompted.
Applespike sighed. “They're scared of what you might do if you ever got mad at them.”
“Oh.” The chaotic colt deflated visibly. “Yeah. I guess they would be worried about that,” he muttered.
“I'm sorry.”
“Hey, that's their problem,” said Zany, perking back up. “Now, getting back to you and Jewel. If you say you love her, I believe you. The question is what are you going to do about it?”
“D-- do?” The dragon-pony was taken aback by the question. What was he going to do? Ask Jewel to marry him?Build her a little farm house like Uncle Big Mac had for Cheerilee? Carry on with his job at the farm? Save some money? Have foals... WHOA! Applespike shook his head. What was he thinking? They were only fifteen years old! They couldn't marry for at least another three years. Besides, Jewel might not want a farm house or foals. What if--
“I think you're overthinking the question,” said Zany, cutting into his thoughts. “What I meant was: what are you going to do about it NOW?”
“Oh.” Applespike's jumbled brain quickly re-sorted itself. “I need to tell her! She needs to know how I really feel!”
“Exactly!”
POOF! Paper and quills appeared in front of Applespike. He quickly laid the paper across the seat, took the quill in his mouth and immediately set to work.
“You're welcome,” said Zany with an elaborate salaam. He made himself a little hammock in the air above where his friend was busily writing and flopped down in it. Only when he was sure no one could see him did he let the cocky grin slide from his face. He didn't want Applespike to know much he envied him.
The Chaotic Three: A Zany Story
Jewel sat at a desk in the big private train car Picture Perfect used whenever he traveled. She was supposed to be autographing some glamour pictures, but her quill hung in midair. Her eyes were far-away and dreamy.
He was holding her to him. She was trembling in his strong arms.
“Jewel?” His lips were just brushing against hers, sending a tingle down her spine. “May I have…more?”
“Oh, yes!”
“I'LL SUE!”
Picture Perfect’s outraged shout startled her out of her daydream. He was standing nearby, conferring with a small elderly unicorn with mint green fur and a grizzled white mane. The poor fellow flinched at the sudden outburst.
“You may have a case, Mr. Perfect,” he said in a thin, shaky voice. “I've looked through all my medical journals and the only case of Blue Flu ever reported was for a draconequess named Discord. It's even suggested he created it himself.”
“Doesn't surprise me in the least,” said Goodnight, guarding the door. “When I informed Jewel's family about the disease, the draconequess spoke like he was familiar with it.”
“I'll sue!” Picture Perfect roared again, stomping his massive feet. The private train car rocked with the impact. “The pictures I planned to take at the Gala would have sold out magazines! It would have been the biggest news in fashion! I'll sue him! I'll sue that freak for everything he's got!”
Jewel quickly turned her head to keep them from seeing her grin. How she would love to see the hot-headed photographer just try and sue Discord! How could he possibly think he could deal with a creature who was capable of ripping the very fabric of reality and send him packing to another dimension? The draconequess, she was sure, would not take the lawsuit seriously. She could picture him showing up for court wearing a long blonde wig and a dress. “I'm being Sued?” he would say. “Sue is such a boring name. What's wrong with being Betty-ed? Or Veronica-ed?”
“Forget the lawsuit!” cried Stud Muffin, cutting in on her thoughts. Most of the blue was gone from his fur, but there were still splotches where it looked like he had been sprayed with grape juice. “That thing is a menace! I say we demand that those stupid mares turn him back to stone immediately! That would show him!”
The little unicorn filly bit her lip to keep from retorting that one of those “stupid mares” was her mother. Goodnight rolled his eyes at the colt model but managed to reply patiently.
“That would be a good idea, Stud, but you are forgetting that one of those mares is actually married to that thing. It's highly unlikely she would cooperate in turning him to stone.”
The mint green unicorn, who was looking more uncomfortable by the minute, cleared his throat. “Excuse me, but the train will be leaving in a few minutes. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”
Picture Perfect shook his head. Goodnight stepped forward, levitating two small bags of bits.
“Thank you for your time, doctor. Here is your fee for your services,” he hoofed over the bags. “And a little extra for your silence.” He leaned down so he could look the old pony in the eyes. “We would appreciate it if you did not discuss Stud's appearance with any reporters. Understood?”
The doctor gulped. “Yes, sir! My lips are sealed!”
“Good,” Goodnight smiled. He turned to a yellow unicorn bodyguard. “Escort him out, Fair Weather.”
“That blasted draconequess!” Picture Perfect swore as the door closed behind the doctor. He reared up and brought his huge hooves crashing down on a stool, smashing it to smithereens. Goodnight and the other bodyguard coolly shielded themselves with their magic as one of the stool's legs sailed across the room. Stud Muffin quickly hid behind them.
Coward! Thought Jewel.
She remained at the desk, busily signing the stack of photos. She could not shield herself and write at the same time, but she feared if she stopped, Picture Perfect would notice. She really did not want his attention on her right then.
Luckily, no shrapnel came her way. Goodnight calmly took out a notebook and added the stool to their list of expenses. Picture Perfect, having vented his anger, flopped down into an overstuffed chair with one arm laid dramatically over his eyes. It reminded Jewel of her mother whenever she had one of her “fainting spells”.
“Oh, my head!” he whined. “Tell Buff to come. I need a scalp massage.”
The buff colored hairdresser appeared a minute later and set to work gently massaging his temples. It wasn't long before his face relaxed and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
“That draconequess has ruined everything,” Picture Perfect murmured. “The picture of them kissing on the balcony with the moon in the background would have been perfect. Utterly perfect.”
“Couldn't we go back there tonight?” asked Stud Muffin. “They'll let us in again, won't they?”
Goodnight shook his head. “It's too late. Every pony knows you were not in attendance at the Gala. Readers wouldn't buy into it.”
“I need another venue,” Picture Perfect said sighing. “Preferably one with a perfect view of the full moon.”
“Perhaps the top of the Manehattan Empire Building?” suggested Fair Weather, stepping through the door. “It's a popular place.”
“Precisely why it won't do!” said the photographer, slamming his hoof into the arm rest. “Every pony wants to meet their love there ever since that sappy show “Sleepless in Sea Bridle” came out! No, no, no! It has to be some place special.”
“I know a place...”
Jewel put a hoof to her lips. She did not mean to say that out loud! Picture Perfect cocked his eye brow quizzically.
“And what place would that be?” he asked. “Nothing involving a monument, I hope.”
“No,” Jewel replied quietly. “It's a place I've visited many times. It's a tall hill covered in soft green grass overlooking an apple orchard. A big apple tree grows on its summit. I used to climb up there with my family to sit in the shade and have a picnic.” A dreamy smile crept across her face as she spoke. “It was so lovely. We could watch the orange sun sink into the pink clouds on the horizon or watch the full moon rise all silvery over the trees.”
“Very poetic,” said Picture Perfect, dryly. “And just where is this place you are referring to?”
“Sweet Apple Acres Farm. Just outside Ponyville.”
“Of course, it is,” the photographer snorted derisively. He closed his eyes. “Thank you for the suggestion, but I believe I will pass.”
“But why?” asked Jewel, fighting to keep her voice calm. “What is wrong with Ponyville?”
“Like I told your mother, Ponyville is too--”
“Rustic. I know. But, that didn't stop you from taking me to Appleloosa and Dodge City. What is it about Ponyville you don't like?”
“Let's just say, I have a problem with some of the residents,” he answered, lazily waving a hoof.
“What?” Jewel narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean by that?”
“What he means,” said Goodnight, cutting in smoothly. “Is there are certain ponies there that it would be best you not be associated with.”
“Really?” Jewel gave the black unicorn a withering look. “And which ones might that be?”
Goodnight smirked. “Don't play dumb with me, Miss Jewel. You know which two I am talking about.”
Jewel glared at him, her chest heaving, tears pricking her eyes.
“My friends,” she managed to whisper. “Applespike and Zany.”
Goodnight nodded.
“They are the reason you have kept me away from my family? Away from Ponyville?”
“You are a high-society fashion model, my dear, not some little clothes horse for a two-bit boutique,” he explained condescendingly. “You are a paragon of mare-ish beauty! Fillies want to be like you. Colts want to date you. How long do you think that would last if any of them knew about your friendship with those freaks?”
“Well, if he wasn't related to Discord, the draconequess boy would have some potential,” Picture Perfect admitted lazily. “A little grooming, something to hide his eyes, and the fillies would flock to him. That other one, the dragon-pony, now that one is a lost cause.”
Jewel's temper was quickly reaching boiling point.
“How dare you say that about Applespike! He has the cutest, sweetest face I have ever seen!”
Stud Muffin snickered. “With a dragon tail draggin' behind him!”
The other unicorns chuckled at the joke. Jewel leaped from the desk in fury. She charged up her horn and pointed it at Stud Muffin who quickly darted behind Fair Weather.
“It is a lovely tail!” she cried. “And he is a lovely pony and a better gentle-colt than you could ever hope to be! He is sweet. He is kind. He is polite. And, despite what you think, he is beautiful!”
The unicorn bodyguards just smirked as Stud Muffin glared at her from behind the yellow unicorn. None of them considered her enough of a threat to warrant putting up a shield. Picture Perfect chuckled darkly.
“I figured you were sweet on one of them.” He turned to Goodnight. “Looks like I owe you five bits.”
Goodnight bowed to his boss. “I always suspected it was the dragon-pony. You should have heard the way she screamed when I burned that rope and she thought he was plummeting to his doom.”
“You pig!” Jewel cried, turning her horn on the black unicorn. Angry tears poured from her eyes. “You could have killed him, you horrible, disgusting brute! I'm glad they gave you that hot hoof at the Gala! You deserved it!”
The other two bodyguards gasped and backed away from Goodnight. The dark stallion was no longer smirking. His face was like a volcano ready to explode.
“They? ”
Jewel choked. The power drained from her horn as her anger was replaced by fear. She had never seen Goodnight so furious before. The unicorn stallion towered over her then slowly lowered his head so his enraged eyes burned into hers. Now she knew how Spike must have felt when he confronted King Sombra.
“They? ” he repeated, his voice quiet but menacing. “Do you mean that those two freaks of nature, those two abominations, are the ones responsible for my pain and utter humiliation at one of the most prestigious soirees in all of Equestria? They are the ones who made me a laughingstock before all those rich and important ponies? They are the reason my picture will soon be in every tabloid across the land under the heading: "Gala's Most Embarrassing Moments"? I have THEM to thank for this?”
Jewel stood still as stone, hardly daring to breathe as Goodnight bared his teeth in her face. She was terrified. She remembered her father standing up for her at the train station. Despite being smaller, he was ready to fight to defend his little girl. Oh, Daddy! I wish you were here now!
“I think she gets the picture, Goodnight,” said Picture Perfect soothingly. “You must forgive him,” he added to Jewel. “The poor fellow's been in a lather all night trying to find out who played that nasty trick on him. Now that he knows, he can get a good night's sleep and dream of restitution.”
“I want revenge!” Goodnight snarled.
“I know but 'restitution' sounds nicer. No need to frighten the filly any more than you already have.”
WHOOO! The train whistle blew long and loud, startling everyone. The ponies braced themselves as the train lurched from the station. Once it smoothed out, Picture Perfect relaxed back in his chair and motioned for Buff to continue the massage.
“You know, my dear,” he said, addressing Jewel. “It might be best if you went to your private car to finish signing those pictures. We all need a chance to...calm down.”
“Yes, sir,” Jewel answered meekly. She levitated the photos and quills and turned to leave.
POOF! A scroll appeared and landed on the floor at her feet. Goodnight glared at it. The other bodyguards braced themselves for another explosion. Picture Perfect huffed in exasperation.
“For crying out loud, girl! Get out of here! And take that blasted letter with you!”
“Oh, yes! By all means, get out!” Goodnight shouted after her as she hurried from the room. “Go write to your precious little freak! Let him know how I plan to burn his hooves off for what he did! That and feed that blasted draconequess boy to a Tatzlwurm!”
“Tatzlwurm?” she heard Picture Perfect murmur before the door closed behind her. “There's an idea...”
Jewel ran down the corridor, not caring if any pony could see her or what they might think about her rushing around. She almost crashed into the wardrobe pony who was stepping out of one of the berths. The cream-colored unicorn pressed herself against the wall as Jewel raced past.
“Goodness! Slow down, dear! You'll get someone hurt.”
“Sorry,” Jewel called over her shoulder, but did not slow down until she reached the last car on the train. It was her own private car; big, luxurious, and the envy of Stud Muffin, who had to share a car with the other stallions.
She quickly went in and locked the door behind her. Carelessly, she tossed the unsigned photos and quills onto a table then flopped down across her bed, buried her face in a pillow and sobbed. She had argued with Picture Perfect and his sycophantic ponies before, but never had she felt so frightened as she had looking into Goodnight's fiery eyes.
The brute! The horrible, cruel brute! She shuddered.
“I quit,” she whispered into the pillow. “I quit. And I mean it this time. I will not be a party to some pony who would willingly harm young colts! I will write Mummy and Daddy right away and tell them...tell them...”
Jewel curled up miserably on the mattress. Oh, who was she fooling? She wasn't going anywhere. Quitting the School for Gifted Unicorns to sign with Picture Perfect was her mistake. She had made her bed, and now she would have to lie in it. Who knew it would be so hard?
A gentle knock on the door roused her.
“Who is it?” she asked sharply.
“It's me, Buff! I brought you some chamomile tea.”
Jewel wiped her eyes with the back of her hoof and unlocked the door. The buff colored mare wheeled in a tea cart loaded with everything needed for an afternoon tea-- except for the food. Sighing, Jewel poured herself a cup then checked the sugar bowl. She was surprised to find it full of sugar cubes!
Buff smiled. “Just a little something to cheer you up.”
“Thank you.” Jewel stirred three lumps into her tea and put one in her mouth to crunch on.
“Are you all right, sweetheart?” Buff asked, pouring herself a cup. “They were mighty hard on you.”
“I'm fine,” said Jewel, without looking up. She took a sip from her cup then added another lump of sugar. “Thank you for asking.”
“I worry about you, honey,” the Earth pony said quietly. “You're too young to have to put up with this. Don't you think about quitting?”
Jewel shrugged. “All the time. But I keep going. I really can't afford to stop.”
Buff nodded and sipped her tea. She knew all about the unicorn filly's contract. Picture Perfect waved it over the child's head like a flag whenever he thought she was getting out of hoof.
“I understand, child,” she said after a moment. “But it weighs heavy on my mind. Especially with Goodnight making threats against your friends. When I left, it sounded like he and Picture Perfect were planning something nasty.”
Jewel shook her head. “I wouldn't worry too much about that. Picture Perfect refuses to travel to Ponyville and I doubt Goodnight would dare go there to get revenge. Not with Discord and the Mane Six there. Besides, my friends are pretty powerful. They can take care of themselves.”
Buff poured Jewel another cup then topped off her own. “If you don't mind me asking, how did you ever get mixed up with those two? I mean, I know your Mom is friends with their Moms and all that, but--”
“How could a sweet, pretty little unicorn like me be friends with a dragon-pony and a colt of chaos?” Jewel grinned. “We've known each other since we were infants. I always enjoyed playing with them. You never knew what might happen with Zany around!
I remember once when we were six, he turned us all into goldfish so we could swim in his mother's koi pond. It was fun until Applespike was carried off by a hawk. Zany had to turn him back into his real form to save him. You should have seen the look on that bird's face when it realized it had caught a pony!” Jewel giggled.
“Not your average play date,” Buff murmured.
“Nothing was ever average with them! Not even our practical jokes. Remember the joke I told you about; the one we pulled on my last visit to Ponyville? That was tame compared to some of the pranks we’ve played. I remember one time I swiped some pepper and some corn kernels so we could create a spell that made ponies sneeze popcorn! Then there was the time--”
THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!
Both mares jumped at the loud knock on the door.
“Miss Jewel, is Buff in there with you?” a male voice called through the door. “Picture Perfect needs her to file his hooves.”
Buff made a face. “Tell him I’ll be there in a minute!” she called back.
“Oh, he also told me to check that tea cart and make sure there was no cream or sugar on it!”
“Okay!” Buff snatched up the sugar bowl and looked around for a hiding place.
“Quick!” Jewel whispered, opening the window with her magic. The flustered mare dumped the sugar on the tracks, bowl and all. Jewel closed the window and unlocked the door.
“Come in!”
“Thank you.” Fair Weather bowed to Jewel as he stepped into the room. He closely inspected the tea cart for incriminating evidence, and seemed disappointed to find none. His eyes darted around the room, taking in every detail: from the unsigned stack of photos to the window Jewel had forgotten to lock back.
“Sorry for the intrusion,” he said, once he had finished his inspection. “Picture Perfect is worried about you gaining weight before the next photo shoot.”
Jewel sighed wearily. “And when will that be?” she asked.
“In two days. We’ll be stopping at the Crazy Pony Memorial. Better make sure your cowpony costume is ready.” He turned to Buff. “Come on, now. Some stallion is awaiting his hooficure.”
The hairdresser mare followed him out, taking the tea cart with her. Jewel locked the door after them then flopped down on the bed. She smiled sadly. Talking with Buff had brought back some pleasant memories: the night Applespike had tried to catch a falling star in a butterfly net, the time Zany made her birthday cake come to life and dance the Samba, or the day all three of them rode on the back of a giant bass that lived in the lake! She sighed. Those were such wonderful times!
Reluctantly, she turned her head to look at the unfinished pile of photographs. There weren’t very many left. She could finish signing those later. They wouldn’t be mailed out to the fan club until next week, anyway, and…
Jewel gasped. Applespike’s letter! Good heavens, she had forgotten all about it! She sat up, frantically searching the table for it. Had Fair Weather taken it or, maybe, Buff? No! There it was, next to the photos!
Breathing a sigh of relief, she levitated it over to the bed and switched on the reading lamp. It was strange, she thought, for Applespike to send her a letter in the morning. Usually, he sent them in the evening, when he knew she might be alone. She wondered what was so important that it could not wait. Carefully, she broke the seal and began to read.
Dearest Jewel,
I hope you are able to read this. I wrote it on the train to Ponyville and the car rocks a bit. I just want to tell you that last night was one of the most…No! Correction! It was THE most wonderful night of my life!
Holding you in my arms, feeling your cheek against mine, smelling your sweet magnolia scent; it all felt so good and so right. When you kissed me-- how can I describe it—it was like the most marvelous thing in the world! I felt like one of Pinkie’s balloons floating away and you were the string, keeping me anchored. I didn’t want it to end. I still don’t. I’ve sat here for the past hour or so, staring out the window, remembering the feel and taste of your lips. And the memory just keeps getting sweeter.
You know, I’ve always had a crush on you. Ever since we were toddlers, and your Mom brought you to play with us. You were the prettiest little foal and you had the sweetest giggle. Sometimes, I encouraged Zany to do something crazy just so I could hear it. You were always a good and faithful friend. But, now, I feel more than a crush and I want more than a friend.
Jewel. I love you.
I truly, deeply love you. And I know I want to be with you…forever. You may not feel the same, but some part of me, deep down, says you do. We can’t be together now, but, believe me when I say, I will wait for you! As long as it takes. I love you.
Yours Forever,
Applespike
Jewel choked back a sob, her eyes filling with tears.
“Applespike,” she whispered.
Jewel. I love you.
“I love you, too.”
I truly, deeply love you.
“I truly, madly, deeply love you.”
I will wait for you. As long as it takes.
Jewel brushed her muzzle against the parchment. It smelled of hot apple pie. His scent. Softly, she kissed the paper, caressing the words as if they were his lips.
“You won’t have to wait long,” she whispered. "I promise."
t�[��
The Chaotic Three: A Zany Story
“Applespike said you received a letter from Twilight?”
“Oh, my goodness! What does it say?”
“Is Rainbow okay?”
Spike stood soberly before the crowd of ponies assembled in his family’s kitchen. Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Granny Smith sat at the table. Discord and Fancy Pants stood behind their respective spouses, ready to lend support. Cheerilee leaned against Big Mac near the door. Cinnamon Stick, Dinky, Applespike, Screwy, Mothy, and Zany stood anxiously next to their parents. Gemstone sat on the floor, hugged on three sides by the Tri-Pies, who, in turn, were being hugged by their father, Red Shoes.
“Thank you all for coming,” said Spike officiously. “To answer your questions: yes, Twilight did send me a letter about an hour ago. I have not yet opened it, so I do not know what it says. I wanted to make sure everyone was here before I did. Just in case…you know…things aren't...okay.”
Fluttershy stifled a sob. Discord laid a paw on her shoulder and glared impatiently at Spike.
“Well, the gang’s all here,” he snapped. “Now, cut the preamble and open the letter before I turn you into a pair of dragon skin boots!”
“Oh, right,” Spike gulped. Quickly, he broke the seal, unrolled the scroll, and began to read.
“Dear Friends
I’m sorry this letter is late. The train was delayed, so Pinkie and I did not arrive in Whinnyapolis until almost midnight. We stayed at a hotel next to the hospital and went to see Rainbow Dash this morning.
She was pacing the room when we got there; mad because she couldn’t leave until she got the last test result. Soarin’ was there. So were the twins with Apple Blossom and Aquafresh and Prism. We talked and joked with them, but it was clear that everyone was worried.
The doctor finally came in about an hour later with the results. He tried to make Pinkie and I leave because we were not family, but Rainbow told him that we were good as family and if he didn’t cough up the test results right then and there, she was going to buck him head first out the window. Needless to say, he gave her the results.
There was no evidence of a concussion, low blood sugar, or low blood pressure. In fact, all the tests came back negative…except one. The doctor said Rainbow Dash was healthy, but she might want to take it easy for the next few months, considering that she is about nine weeks—"
Spike choked on the next word. His green eyes widened and his mouth dropped open.
“What is it, Sugarcube?” asked Applejack, laying a hoof on his arm. “Is…is it really bad?”
Spike blushed a fiery red and handed the letter to her. Applejack quickly read.
“Okay. Okay. No concussion…blah, blah, blah…Here we go! ‘She might want to take it easy for the next few months, considering that she is about nine weeks…’” She paused, her eyes wide, the corners of her mouth twitching.
“Nine weeks what, already!” Discord shouted.
Applejack burst out laughing. “Nine weeks PREGNANT!”
“WHAT?!!”
Fluttershy, Rarity, and Cheerilee’s mouths dropped open in shock.
“YAHOO!” Red Shoes was thrown backwards and Gemstone nearly hit the ceiling as the three party ponies leaped into the air “A baby! Aunt Rainbow’s having a baby!”
“Oh, I’ll bet Prism is thrilled!” Gemstone squealed.
“Yup, you’re right,” said Applejack, reading the letter. “It says here: ‘Everyone was in a state of shock at the news, except for Prism. She was so excited, she kept turning back flips until she crashed into the bathroom. When she came out, she insisted on helping with feeding and diaper duty!’”
“Doody,” Zany snickered.
“Once he got over the shock, Soarin’ was delighted. He had been so worried about Rainbow, he just broke down and cried. Rainbow punched him on the shoulder and called him a big cry-baby, but there were tears in her eyes, too.
We will be heading back to Ponyville in the morning. Pinkie insisted on throwing Rainbow a “Thank-goodness-you’re-having-a-baby-and-not-suffering-from-an-incurable-disease” party. She’s also called dibs on hosting the baby shower.”
“YAY!” Confetti exploded over everyone as the Tri-Pies cheered.
“Little cakes with booties on ‘em!” cried Raspberry.
“Centerpieces made of baby toys!” yelled Blueberry.
“Tiny umbrellas to keep the baby dry!” squealed Cherry. Her sisters looked at her strangely. Cherry giggled. “Just kidding! I know what a shower is!”
“Are you all right, my dear?” asked Fancy Pants, studying his wife’s ashen complexion. “It’s good news! Your friend isn’t sick and she’s having a child. I thought you would be thrilled.”
“I…I am happy,” Rarity answered, fanning her face. “I’m glad Rainbow is all right. I’m just shocked. I mean…a baby? At her age?”
“She’s the same age we are,” said Cheerlilee, sounding a little insulted.
“I know that, dear,” Rarity replied, soothingly. “But I thought our days of having babies was over. I mean, we have grown children who are married. They’re the ones who should be having the babies—not us!”
“Wow, Rarity,” said Applejack, grinning mischievously. “I didn’t know you were ready to be a GRANNY!”
“Whut?” asked Granny Smith, looking around. “Who’s callin’ me?”
“Don’t be silly, Applejack,” Rarity replied, tossing her mane. “Gemstone is not married yet and Jewel has at least another three years before she can consider matrimony. I’m nowhere near ready to be a Grandmama!” she added grandly.
Applejack shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind being one. Problem is we’ve already got one Granny in the family. Maybe I oughta follow Rainbow’s example and have another baby of my own.”
“Huh?” asked Spike, looking at his wife in alarm.
“Don’t worry, Pa. Ma’s just joking,” said Cinnamon Stick. “At least, I hope so,” he added in a whisper to Applespike.
“I wouldn’t mind being a grandmother.”
Everyone turned to look at Fluttershy, who had a soft, dreamy look on her face.
“I think it would be wonderful. A little grandfoal to cuddle, and hold, and rock to sleep," she grasped Discord's talon and held it to her cheek. "We could read her stories, sing her lullabies, and give her toys to play with.”
A big grin slowly spread across Discord’s face. “And give her all the chocolate milk and cotton candy she wants!”
“Yes,” Fluttershy giggled.
"In other words, we're gonna spoil the kid rotten!"
Fluttershy laughed. "Yes! Utterly rotten!"
“And after she’s been spoiled, and wired with sugar, we give her back to her parents!” Discord snatched up his wife and swung her delightedly in the air. “Brilliant! What a wonderfully devious and chaotic plan, my dear! I cannot wait to put it into action!”
“He is joking, right?” Mothball muttered in his wife’s ear.
“I only wish,” she muttered back.
“Hmmm,” Rarity tapped her chin thoughtfully. “I hadn’t considered that. Perhaps being a Grandmama does have its advantages.”
“Yup, it sure does,” agreed Applejack, eyeing Cinnamon Stick and Dinky. The couple gulped. “I’d love to spoil some little Apples till they’re rotten to the core!”
“Is there anything else in the letter?” asked Gemstone. The conversation was making her a little uncomfortable.
Applejack looked at the scroll. “Yeah. Twilight says that Rainbow and Soarin may be coming back to Ponyville in a couple of weeks. They have to report to their commander and let them know what’s going on. Meanwhile, Lightning and Thunder are gonna take their places in the airshow.”
Dinky smiled. “I know they’ll like that.”
“But what about Prism?” asked Gemstone. “Does it say anything else about her?”
“Let me see. Oh, yeah! Prism plans on coming back to Ponyville with her parents so she can help them with the baby when it comes. Oh, and at the bottom, it says:
PS: Tell Gemstone, Raspberry, Blueberry, and Cherry that Prism sends her love and thanks for the well wishes. She will see them soon.
PPS: Please tell Cinnamon Roll that we thoroughly enjoyed Gulliand’s gumbo. Pinkie Pie says he’s a keeper.
Applejack blushed and quickly rolled up the scroll. “Well, that’s it. That’s the news. Any…um…anybody got any questions?”
Granny Smith raised her hoof. “You said that Rainbow feller is havin’ a baby?” she asked.
Applejack closed her eyes and put a hoof to her forehead. “For the last time, Granny, Rainbow Dash is a GIRL! She’s had three young’uns. Apple Blossom is married to one of them, for cryin’ out loud! You were at the wedding!”
“Yes, but I thought that Soarin girl was the groom’s Ma! Dangnabbit! Now you got me really confused!”
“I think it’s time we were going,” said Rarity hurriedly. “Thank you for reading the letter, dear. We’re so happy Rainbow Dash is all right.”
“Yes, thank you, Applejack and Spike” said Fluttershy, tugging on Discord’s arm. The draconequess, who was thoroughly enjoying Applejack’s frustration with Granny, reluctantly followed her to the door.
“I find these intergenerational dialogues to be quite amusing,” he murmured. “The younger pony trying to communicate with the doddering, hard-of-hearing older pony. Misunderstandings abound, and hilarity ensues. All right, dear, I’m coming,” he grumbled as Fluttershy shot him a warning look. “The conversation was getting dull anyway.”
“Say, Ma,” said Cinnamon Stick. “Who is Gulliand?”
“Oh! But it looks like it’s about to get interesting again!” said Discord, whirling around.
“And why did Pinkie say he was a keeper?” asked Dinky. “Is he her special somepony?”
Discord stifled a laugh. “You don’t the half of it!”
“Discord!” Fluttershy hissed. “Screwy, help me.”
Screwball grabbed her father with her magic and dragged him out of the house. Mothball closed the door behind them.
“That was unfair!” Discord pouted. “I just wanted to see their reactions when—”
“A GRIFFON! MY SISTER IS DATING A GRIFFON!”
“--they tell them. Drat!”
“Don’t worry, Dad,” said Zany, appearing in a flash next to him. “I stayed behind and saw the whole thing!”
“That’s my boy!” Discord placed his finger on his son’s head and viewed the memory. “Hee-hee-hee!” he giggled. “I didn’t know a pony’s eyes could bug out that far!”
“Just let it go, Mom,” said Screwball before Fluttershy could reprimand her menfolk. “They’re not hurting anyone. Besides, you have to admit, it is kind of funny.”
Fluttershy grinned. “I suppose it is.”
She, Screwy and Mothball walked to the gate and waited for Discord and Zany to catch up.
“Mom,” said Screwy after a moment. “Were you serious about all that stuff you said about wanting to be a Grandmother?”
“I meant every word,” Fluttershy giggled. “Except for the part about the chocolate and cotton candy. I just agreed to get your Daddy on board.”
“Do you think Daddy wants a Grandfoal?” asked Screwy, looking back at Discord.
“You know your father. He makes jokes and acts like he doesn’t care, but, deep down, I know he does. I think he would be thrilled to be a Grandpa.” Fluttershy noticed Screwy and Mothy sharing an uneasy glance. “Oh! I’m sorry sweetheart! I didn’t mean to pressure you! Whatever you and Mothy want to do is fine with us.”
“What are they wanting to do?” asked Discord, appearing directly behind his daughter and son-in-law. “Join the circus and go on tour with Red Shoes? Go hunting for the Snark? Oh, I know! Raid the Horshey Chocolate factory and go for a dip in the chocolate vat!”
“Actually, Dad,” said Screwball. “Mothy and I just want to come home with you and Mom.”
“Oh,” Discord sighed. “The at home with family thing. I was hoping for something a bit more exciting, but, whatever.”
“Oh, you never know,” said Mothball a little nervously. “It might be interesting.”
Zany pouted as his father prepared to snap them back home. “I would have liked to swim in chocolate.
Author's Note
Surprise! I wasn't originally planning to make Rainbow pregnant, but I thought about how funny and unexpected it would be. Besides, she's a tough mare who wouldn't just faint! This explanation sounded the better than concussions or serious ailment. Concussions are not the light injuries people thought they were. They can lead to personality disorders and even death.
The Chaotic Three: A Zany Story
Author's Note
Sorry this took so long. I had some computer trouble then I had writer's block for a while. But here it is, the next chapter. Happy thanksgiving.
Truth and Consequences
The brakes squealed as the train approached the little country station. The steady click-clack of the wheels slowed to a crawl, then stopped with a bump and a hiss of steam.
Jewel peeked out the window of her private car, admiring the pretty little Earth pony town with its thatched roofs, dirt streets, and massive green cornfields that stretched as far as the eye could see. Nearby, a large, emerald green Earth pony with a golden mane was hauling a wagon full of cornmeal. She was not surprised to see his cutie mark was a slice of cornbread.
Jewel plopped down at her little table and slowly read over the letter she had addressed to Applespike.
Dearest Applespike,
You don’t know how much joy your last letter has given me. I, too, treasure our beautiful evening together. I spent most of the train ride yesterday, reliving it. Feeling your strong arms around me, breathing your warm apple pie scent: I felt so happy and safe. When you dipped me back, I could see the love and the warmth shining in your eyes. I’ve been told many times over the years that I was beautiful, but seeing it in your face made it real.
And how can I describe your kiss? It was warm and delectable, like sweet, rich cocoa on Hearth’s Warming Eve. Like liquid love, flowing into me, filling my heart till I thought it would burst. It felt so amazing, I didn’t want it to end. I’m on the verge of tears just trying to write this.
I love you, Applespike. I truly, madly, deeply love you with all my heart.
I am going to write my parents soon and ask them to meet us in Manehattan so we can discuss my contract with Picture Perfect. We may be able to work something out so I can come home to stay. You were right. I do belong in Ponyville with my family and the dragon-pony I love. Hopefully, I will be with you soon.
Love you forever more,
Jewel.
The unicorn filly laid a little kiss at the top of the page before quickly slipping it into an envelope. She hesitated a moment as she considered adding a warning about Goodnight’s vendetta. No, she decided, sealing the envelope. Applespike and Zany were safe in Ponyville. There was no need to worry them unnecessarily.
The corridor was mostly empty when she stepped out of her room. The black unicorn bodyguard with the green mane was guarding the exit to the platform. Fair Weather, carrying a towel and washcloth, was slipping into the shower room. Buff and the wardrobe pony stood in the corridor, talking excitedly about the up-coming photo shoot. Jewel grinned. They weren’t the only ones who were excited.
Applejack’s cousin, Braeburn, had told everyone in Ponyville about the monument the Buffalo nation had built to honor the great Chief Crazy Pony. His likeness had been carved into the side of a mountain, one enormous hoof pointing over the Buffalo land. It was the biggest such monument in all Equestria. Jewel couldn’t wait to see it, so she could tell Applespike all about it.
“Good morning, Mountain Mist,” she greeted the green-maned pony cheerfully. The big unicorn did not return her greeting, but stared at her expressionlessly. Jewel managed to keep a smile on her face.
“I’m just going over to the post office to mail a letter,” she said, opening the door with her magic. “I’ll be right back.”
SLAM! Jewel jumped back with a cry as the heavy door slammed shut in her face.
“Sorry,” Mountain Mist rumbled. “But I cannot allow you to leave the train.”
Jewel’s mouth fell open in shock. “W-w-what?”
“Picture Perfect’s orders.”
“Really!” she huffed, glaring up at the stone-faced pony. “And may I ask why?”
Mountain Mist shrugged “He didn’t give a reason. He just said you were not allowed to leave the train.”
The little filly stomped her hoof. “This is silly!” she cried, haughtily brushing past Mountain Mist. “The post office is right over there! Now, please move aside while I--”
Jewel let out a frightened squeak as the huge stallion reared and brought his hooves crashing down just inches from hers. Slowly, he lowered his head so his cold, hard eyes glared disdainfully into hers.
“I take my orders from Picture Perfect, not you,” he growled. “And my orders are that you stay on the train. If you don’t like it, you can walk your hoity-toity tail back to your room and stay there!”
Jewel gasped at the bodyguard’s rudeness.
“How dare you! You do not talk like that to a lady! Now—"
“Is there a problem here?”
They both turned to see Fair Weather looking at them quizzically. His fur stood on end where he had hastily dried himself. His wet mane was wrapped in a turban.
“I could hear you in the shower! You’re lucky Goodnight is with Picture Perfect, or he’d have—”
“Fair Weather,” Jewel cried. “Mountain Mist says Picture Perfect has forbidden me to leave the train, but I have a letter that needs to be mailed! Surely, there’s no harm in me going to the post office. It’s right over there, just beyond the station. I’ll just mail the letter and come straight back.”
Fair Weather shook his head. “Sorry, Miss Jewel, but Mountain Mist is correct. We were ordered not to let you off the train today.”
“Oh, this is nonsense!” fumed Jewel. “What possible reason could he have to keep me here? I really need to mail this letter!”
“If the letter is that important, I can mail it for you,” Fair Weather offered, his magic reaching out to take the envelope.
“Uh…” Jewel pulled it back, regarding the yellow unicorn suspiciously. Fair Weather was Picture Perfect’s number two pony. Since when did he run errands for her? “I don’t think so.”
“Oh?” the yellow unicorn looked insulted. “Is that a problem, Miss Jewel?”
“Well,” Jewel thought fast. “You’re still wet from your shower and these streets are made of dirt. I would hate for you get all muddy. But perhaps Buff could take it?” She glanced back at the mares and gave the buff-colored pony a pleading look.
“That will work,” Fair Weather nodded. “And while she mails your letter, you and your dresser can look through your wardrobe and find that cowpony costume. You haven’t worn it in a while, so it may need altering.”
“That’s fine,” Jewel readily agreed. “Thank you, Buff,” she added as she passed the letter to her friend.
“No problem,” the mare assured her, taking the letter in her teeth.
“Come along, Miss Jewel,” said the wardrobe pony with a sigh. “The sooner we get this over with, the better.”
“Right.” Jewel fell in step behind the cream-colored unicorn, but she couldn’t help glancing anxiously back at Buff.
“Are you okay?” the wardrobe mare asked. “You look worried.”
“I…I’m fine,” Jewel assured her. She looked back once more and, to her relief, saw Buff exiting the train. “Everything is fine,” she added with a smile. “Now, let’s get to work, shall we?”
“Finally! Here it is!”
The cream-colored unicorn held up a brown garment bag with the word “Rodeo” written on it.
“Oh, thank goodness,” sighed Jewel, as she picked her way over mounds of discarded costumes and props. They had been searching for almost two hours through nine clothes racks and two chests. “I never realized I had so many outfits! Let’s take a look at it and see if it needs any work done.”
The wardrobe pony removed the bag and levitated the costume for their perusal. The top consisted of a cream-colored blouse with a red vest trimmed in black. The skirt was white with black spots, like those on a milk cow. A cherry-red cowpony hat finished the ensemble.
Jewel wrinkled her muzzle. “Really? Picture Perfect wants me to wear that?”
The wardrobe pony looked doubtful. “Well, it looked nice on you at the rodeo last year,” she said.
“Yes, but that was the rodeo. All the performers were dressed like that. It would look fake and foalish if I wore that to the Crazy Pony Monument!”
“Like a foal dressed for Nightmare Night,” the older mare smirked.
“Yes! That’s exactly what it would look like!” Jewel giggled. “Oh goodness, that reminds me of the night my sister and I went as cowpony fillies. Our outfits were pink with white hearts. We even had some pistols that shot confetti. Applespike went with us dressed like a cow. You should have seen it!" She burst out laughing. "We were herding him all over Ponyville, yelling ‘Get along little doagie!’ I thought Mummy and Aunt Applejack were going hurt themselves laughing at us!”
“How cute! Where was your other friend? The dracon—uh—the magic one.”
“Oh, he was running around, playing tricks on ponies. He played a good one on Aunt Rainbow Dash that year. He turned her thundercloud into—”
“Aren’t you supposed to be working?” a cold voice interrupted.
Jewel and the wardrobe pony turned to see Goodnight standing in the doorway.
“You were supposed to find a simple cowpony costume,” he snarled, looking around at the piles of clothes littering the floor. “Can’t you do anything without turning it into a blasted party?”
“We did find it,” said Jewel defensively, levitating the costume for him to see. “We were just going to start cleaning up when you came in.”
“It sounded more like a pair of fillies at a blasted slumber party to me,” Goodnight replied derisively. He kicked the nearest pile of clothes. “Get these up!” he snapped at the wardrobe mare. “They cost too much to be left lying on the floor. When you get through with that, check the costume and see if it needs to be altered. Honestly, do I have to tell you fools how to do your job?”
“Yes, sir. No, sir,” the wardrobe mare murmured meekly as she started rehanging the clothes. Jewel, burning with anger, managed to hold her tongue and help sort the piles.
“That costume needs to be ready by tomorrow,” the unicorn bodyguard continued. “We’ll be arriving at the Crazy Pony Memorial Monument around ten, so it better be ready.”
“It will.”
“Um, about the costume,” Jewel managed to say. “I really don’t think it will work for this photo shoot. You see it—”
“That is for Picture Perfect to decide, not you,” Goodnight interrupted coldly. “You will wear what you are told and look happy about it. Now, clean up this mess and come to dinner. Stud Muffin will be waiting.”
“Don’t argue,” the wardrobe mare whispered desperately as Goodnight took his leave. “It’s no good talking to him. He’s still raging about that hot hoof incident at the Gala.”
“I still say he deserved it!” Jewel hissed back furiously. She snatched up the pile of costumes Goodnight had kicked and hung them neatly in the closet. “The pig!”
“Well, you just watch yourself around him,” said the mare, giving her a meaningful look. “I don’t think your friends are the only ones he wants revenge on.”
Jewel snorted. “He wouldn’t dare hurt me. Not while I’m a top model and making Picture Perfect rich. The most he can do is make my life miserable, which he does anyway.”
“Yes,” the wardrobe pony agreed darkly. “He does excel at that.”
Jewel was still angry when she showed up for dinner in the dining car. Stud Muffin was seated at a corner table, his back to the other patrons. Goodnight stood nearby, making sure they would not be disturbed. Jewel took the seat opposite the colt model, facing the car full of curious ponies.
“About time you showed up,” Stud Muffin hissed. “The food should be here any minute.”
“Good,” Jewel replied, smiling as if he had just paid her compliment. The sooner we get this over with, the better.
"Bon Appetite!" A unicorn waiter suddenly appeared, placing their dinners on the table.
Jewel's dinner was a plain, no-frills salad with a tiny cup of red vinegar. Stud Muffin’s was a savory fettuccini alfredo.
Unlike her, the colt model was not on a diet and was allowed to eat whatever he wanted. It was pure torture, watching him eat all that delicious food and knowing she could not have so much as a forkful! Stud Muffin knew this, and mercilessly taunted her.
“Mmmm!” he sighed dreamily as he took a bite of his pasta. “So nice and creamy. And the garlic seasoning is perfect. My compliments to the chef.”
“Be sure to tell the waiter,” Jewel chirped cheerfully as she primly took a bite of salad. It was very good: the lettuce was crisp, the carrots were sweet, and the tomatoes were juicy. But it was hard to enjoy it when her mouth was watering for creamy, garlicky pasta!
“Mmmmm! And garlic bread,” Stud Muffin continued, levitating a delicious buttery slice for her to see. He bit into it with relish. “Wonderful!”
“I’m glad you like it, darling,” Jewel replied sweetly, trying not to notice the rich, savory smell wafting her way. “This salad is very good, too. Such crisp greens! I wonder how they keep them so fresh.”
Stud Muffin smirked. “Too bad you’re on a diet,” he murmured. “I might let you have a bite.”
“How generous,” Jewel smiled, showing every tooth in her head. “I would absolutely love to bite you…as hard as I can.”
“That is enough,” Goodnight hissed from the corner of his mouth. “Need I remind you that you are in public? Now, shut up and eat your food, both of you. Picture Perfect wants to meet with you regarding tomorrow’s photo shoot. And wipe that wolfish grin off your face, Jewel!” he added low. “Every pony in here can see you!”
The two finished their meal in silence. When they rose to leave, a few ponies came forward to ask for their autographs, which Jewel and Stud Muffin were more than happy to provide.
“Come along,” Goodnight grunted as the last autograph seeker happily skipped away. Jewel and Stud Muffin obediently followed the unicorn bodyguard down the corridor to Picture Perfect’s room. Mountain Mist and Fair Weather, who were guarding the door, moved aside to let them in. The photographer pony, himself, lay sprawled out in his recliner, as Buff administered a relaxing scalp massage. An ice-cold glass of hard cider levitated nearby.
“Ah, good. You’re here,” he said, lazily opening one eye. “I understand you have both found your costumes for the photo shoot tomorrow. Did they need any altering?”
“Mine didn’t,” said Stud Muffin proudly. His costume was identical to Jewel’s, only it had chaps instead of a skirt. “It fit perfectly.”
“Mine didn’t need altering either,” said Jewel. “But, I don’t—”
“Splendid!” said Picture Perfect, taking a sip of his drink. “Now, here is what I envision for tomorrow’s shoot…”
Jewel sighed in exasperation. There was no sense trying to talk until they had listened to the photographer’s grand idea.
“Just picture it,” he said, gazing dreamily at the ceiling. “A rocky ridge, overlooking a valley covered in brown grass and evergreens. On this ridge stands a lone tree, gnarled and bent by the wind and weather. In the distance, the orange sun is rising…”
Jewel’s eyes widened. Wait a minute! A ridge? With a tree? And an orange sun? The pig! That was my idea!
“And under this tree, with the orange light filtering through the branches, will be the two of you…gazing deeply into each other’s eyes as you share your first kiss!”
Jewel gave a small gasp. Great Celestia on her throne! How could she have forgotten that was what the photo shoot was all about? She glanced at Stud Muffin, who waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively. She quickly looked away, blushing ferociously.
“It will be perfect,” said Picture Perfect, grinning dreamily. “Utterly perfect.”
“If they let us climb up there,” said Jewel quietly.
The pony photographer, cut his eye at her. “They who?”
“The Park Rangers. I read there is a trail you can take that lets you see the face close up, but they don’t allow anyone on the ridge above it.”
Picture Perfect stared at her quizzically. “What in Tartarus are you going on about?” he demanded.
“The—the monument,” Jewel stammered. “You said we were doing a photo shoot at the Crazy Pony Memorial Monument.”
“Oh, for crying out loud!” moaned Picture Perfect, shaking his head. “I’m not taking pictures of the monument, you silly girl!”
“Wha-what?” Jewel’s mouth fell open in confusion.
“A colleague told me about a ridge across the valley from the monument that offers the perfect light for a romantic shot. Honestly,” he added with a derisive chuckle. “You thought I was going to take pictures at the monument? Oh, please! You ought to know by now that I don’t do monuments.”
Stud Muffin snickered behind his hoof. Jewel blushed then quickly drew herself upright in a perfect imitation of her father.
“I’m sorry,” she answered coolly. “I forgot that.”
“Anyway,” continued Picture Perfect after a moment. “That is what we will be doing tomorrow. Make sure you get plenty of rest. You will have to get up early in the morning and I do not want red eyes with dark circles under them. I expect you to have your make-up on, your manes coiffed, and your costumes ready to go when we arrive. We will have only a small window of opportunity to get the right shot, so be on time. I believe that’s all, isn’t it?” he asked, looking at Goodnight. The bodyguard nodded gravely. “Very good. You may go now,” he murmured, waving them away with his hoof.
“See you later,” Stud Muffin murmured as he exited the room. Goodnight held the door, waiting for Jewel.
“Just a moment, please,” she told him, then turned back to Picture Perfect. “There is something I need to speak to you about regarding tomorrow’s shoot.”
“Really?” The photographer turned his head indolently so he could look at her. “And what could that be, my dear?”
“I believe there is a problem…”
“Really?” he repeated, his eyes narrowing dangerously. “What sort of… problem?”
“Well,” Jewel scraped her hoof nervously on the carpet. “It’s the costumes.”
“The costumes?” Picture Perfect snorted in surprise. “That was unexpected! Now, what is this supposed problem with the…ahem …costumes?”
“I…I don’t think they’re quite right for this shoot,” said Jewel. “I mean, those costumes were meant for the rodeo, which is like theater…with cows. They just wouldn’t look right in a real-world setting.”
“Interesting,” the photographer murmured. “Very interesting.”
“Yes, but perhaps we could—”
“Interesting that you would use that excuse.”
Jewel stared in confusion. “I’m sorry?”
“Oh, come dear,” Picture Perfect chuckled darkly. “I’m not stupid. I know you would rather be set on fire than kiss Stud Muffin on the lips.”
“I-I don’t know if I would rather be set on fire,” answered Jewel, with a weak laugh. “But, I must admit, I am not very enamored with him.”
“Yes, such a strange predicament,” the sky-blue stallion drawled. “A young handsome colt any filly would swoon over. But, of course, you prefer your boys furry, scaly, and able to breathe fire.”
Jewel blushed. “Well, I must admit, I am rather partial to a certain dragon-pony. He is a very dear friend.”
“A very dear friend, indeed,” Picture Perfect grinned. He looked like a cat who had cornered a mouse and was about to pounce on it. “I dare say, there aren’t very many ponies whose kisses are like hot cocoa on Hearth’s Warming Eve.”
Jewel felt the blood drain from her face. “Wh-what?”
“Like liquid love flowing into you. Such an interesting line. Reminds me of Changelings, sucking the love out of their victims.”
Jewel stared at the photographer in growing horror. “I-I-I have no idea what…”
“Oh, please,” Picture Perfect rolled his eyes. “It’s all in that letter you tried to sneak by us today. Luckily, Mountain Mist and Fair Weather were on the ball and able to intercept it before it reached the post office.”
Jewel glanced at Buff. The hairdresser pony dropped her eyes and blushed a deep crimson.
“Scandalous,” he continued. “I take it you snuck out of your parent’s room the night before we left. That was the only chance you would have had to be alone. Such a pity. And I thought I could trust two such upright aristocrats to guard their daughter. Now, I know better.”
“It wasn’t their fault,” said Jewel, finding her voice. “A friend of mine transported me from the room while they were sleeping.”
“Which wouldn’t have happened if they had put up that protective force field, like I told them.”
“My parents trusted me!” Jewel retorted, stomping her hoof.
“Funny thing to say after you’ve been caught red-hoofed betraying that trust,” snapped Picture Perfect. “Sneaking out with colts in the middle of the night and getting up to Luna knows what.”
The little filly tossed her head haughtily. “It wasn’t like that! I met Applespike along with some friends. We danced together and we kissed. That was all. I did nothing that my parents would be ashamed of. However,” she added, a devious grin on her lips. “I must confess to one little dalliance.”
Picture Perfect craned his neck towards her eagerly. “Yes?”
She glanced away shyly then dropped her voice to a whisper. “I ate an éclair.”
“WHAT!”
“Oh, and some Apple Brown Betty. And a muffin. And biscuits slathered in apple butter.”
“STOP!” bellowed Picture Perfect, looking truly scandalized. “Good heavens, girl! Have you no shame? Have I taught you nothing about the importance of maintaining your figure? Bright Celestia at noon!” he groaned. “Your clothes will be bursting at the seams! We’ll need to have them all let out. Oh! How could you do this?”
“There, there,” said Goodnight soothingly as he refilled Picture Perfect’s glass with hard cider. Jewel wrinkled her nose at the sick-sweet apple smell. “Everything will be all right." He gave Jewel a scathing glare. "I’m sure one little dalliance won’t make much of a difference.”
“Yes, you’re right.” Picture Perfect panted, taking a few sips then laying back in his chair. “How silly of me. What, oh, what are we going to do with her, Goodnight?”
“Well, she has certainly gotten out of line lately,” said the unicorn bodyguard, smirking. “I think a penalty is called for.”
“Yes,” said Picture Perfect, a cruel smile spreading across his face. “A penalty! Please, do the honors, my friend.”
“What…what penalty?” Jewel asked nervously as the giant unicorn advanced towards her. “What are you talking about? Don’t you dare lay a hoof on me!”
“Relax, Jewel," said Goodnight smoothly. "You know I would never strike a filly. But, there are other more effective ways to punish an errant little pony. For instance, do you recognize this gown?”
Jewel stared as a life-sized, full-color photograph of Fluttershy floated in front her.
“Well, yes. That’s the gown my mother designed for Aunt Fluttershy to wear to the Gala.”
“Oh, so you readily admit that this…travesty of fashion was the work of your mother? Good heavens! Is this really burlap?”
“Yes! Aunt Fluttershy asked her to make it. It was meant as a joke on Uncle Discord.”
“Well, I’m afraid the joke is on your mother. You see, Picture Perfect knows a fashion critic at Rouge magazine and she agreed that your mother showed very poor judgement in agreeing to create this monstrosity and allowing it to be worn at such a prestigious event as the Gala." Goodnight chuckled darkly. "I must say, this critic is no friend of your mother and was quite ready to rip into her. The review will be out next week. You can read it then.”
Jewel bit her lip in anger. She wasn’t really worried about her mother; Rarity had endured the slings and arrows of critics before. But poor Fluttershy! She would be mortified when she found out her gown had caused her friend to become a laughingstock. Still, the little unicorn stood defiant.
“That’s not much of a threat,” she said tossing her mane. “You’d have to do better than that to hurt my mother’s business.”
“Yes. But what about your father?”
“What about him?” asked Jewel sharply.
“Why, look at this photograph of him, the poor stallion.”
Another huge photograph hovered in front of Jewel. This one was a picture of her and Fancy Pants dancing at the Gala. Her father’s face was glowing with fatherly affection. Her face, however, was turned to the side, her eyes narrowed, her lips pulled down in a frown.
“Tsk, tsk, tsk,” Goodnight tutted. “The poor fellow. He doesn’t realize how embarrassed his daughter is at having to be seen with him after the disgraceful way he behaved at the Gala.”
“How dare you!” Jewel cried. “There isn’t a disgraceful bone in my father’s body!”
“There are some elite in Canterlot who would disagree," Goodnight shot back. "After all, he chose to leave Canterlot to live in Ponyville with your mother. Some think he’s become too much of a rustic. He certainly proved it at the Gala. I noticed he knew all the steps to the ‘Cowpony Stomp’.”
Jewel ground her teeth. “I was not embarrassed in the least! I’m glad my father has learned how to line dance and have fun. And he wasn’t the one I was annoyed with. I was glaring at you for threatening Applespike!”
“Well, my dear, you have been warned to guard your emotions in public,” said Picture Perfect, grinning cruelly. “Too bad you let your guard down this once.”
“Yes," continued Goodnight. "Imagine how heartbroken and humiliated your father will be when this story hits the gossip magazines.”
Jewel glared up at Goodnight, tears streaming down her face. “You monster! You wouldn't dare!”
Goodnight shrugged off the insult. “I do what I have to do, my dear. You know how it is. Oh, don’t worry,” he added comfortingly. “I haven’t sent the story... yet. I won’t have to. As long as you do what we tell you.”
"And what is that?" she asked, drying her eyes.
“First of all,” said Picture Perfect, sitting up in his recliner like a king passing judgement. “You will remember who is charge here. You will do as I say. You will wear what I tell you to wear. You will eat what I tell you to eat. And you will kiss whomever I tell you to kiss and look happy with it!
Secondly, there will be no more letters sent to your friends or family without my reviewing them first. And absolutely no more sappy love letters sent to your darling Applespike. If the gossip columns got ahold of one of those letters, we would be ruined for sure!
Lastly,and I want this made clear," said Picture Perfect, leaning forward so he could look her directly in the eyes. "There will be NO renegotiation of your contract. You signed on for six years, and for six years you will stay. If you refuse, your father will have to pay me a million bits. If he still wants to, that is, after that embarrassing story breaks."
Picture Perfect roughly cupped her chin. "You are making me very rich, my dear. And I have no intention of letting you go."
Jewel kept her head up as she exited the room. She nodded politely to Fair Weather and Mountain Mist, though she guessed from the smirks on their faces, they had been listening at the door. She trotted down the corridor, moving like a pony on parade. Stud Muffin popped out the bathroom only to step back as she trotted past. The wardrobe mare poked her head from the door of her berth and gave Jewel a sorrowful look.
"Buff told me what happened while you were at dinner," she whispered. "Mountain Mist followed her out and forced her to give him the letter. She wanted to warn you, but she never got the chance."
"It's all right," Jewel managed to whisper back. "Tell her I forgive her."
Jewel stepped into her private car and locked the door tightly behind her. Once she was alone, all of her proud strength drained out of her, leaving her weak as a newborn foal. She stumbled and fell to her knees on the rug. Her head almost touched the floor as she sobbed her heart out.
"Oh, Daddy," she whispered. "How I wish you were here."
The Chaotic Three: A Zany Story
It was just after nine, and Luna’s moon shined brightly in the night sky over Sweet Apple Acres. Applespike lay in bed, covers up to his chin, sleepily admiring the shadows the silver light cast across the floor. Outside his window, the leaves of an old oak swayed in the evening breeze. Their shadows danced over his blanket. It reminded him of a story Spike used to tell about a little princess who wanted the moon so badly that the Court Jester climbed a tree outside her window to catch it. Or maybe the Jester just told her he did. Applespike shook his head. He was too tired to remember the story.
He had helped plowing the fields that afternoon, proudly wearing the neck yoke his Uncle Big Mac had worn as a colt. Plowing was harder work than apple bucking, and he was utterly exhausted, but he had done a good day’s work and earned an approving nod from his uncle. That was all that mattered. He frowned, recalling what Jewel had told him about her job.
“It’s work, Applespike. When you plow a field, or buck apples, you can see the good work you’ve done.”
He hadn’t really thought about it before, but she was right. It was a pleasure to look back on his work and feel pride in it. He sighed, wishing Jewel had taken him up on his offer and returned home. He had been dreaming of her every night since the Gala, and the dreams were warm and sweet.
Slowly he closed his eyes. He could see the moon shining over the hill with the lone apple tree. A red and green checkered picnic blanket was spread on the ground. His parents were there, smiling excitedly. So were Rarity and Fancy Pants and Gemstone.
“Surprise!” they cried, moving aside to reveal Jewel, wearing a beautiful silver gown. She smiled at him, tears like diamonds in her eyes.
“I’m home to stay,” she whispered.
Applespike felt his heart soar as he nuzzled her. Their parents watched, beaming with joy as the two of them shared a kiss. Above them, the silhouette of an alicorn flitted across the moon’s surface as Applespike contentedly cuddled his true love.
Across the Everfree Forest, in the Castle of Discord, Zany had finally drifted off to sleep. He was in the Canterlot Palace, being ushered into the Princesses’ throne room.
“The Crown Prince of Chaos has arrived!” a guardspony loudly announced.
Celestia and Luna both bowed low before him. “Your majesty!” they cooed.
“Please," he responded grandly. "Just call me Zany.”
“What can we do for you, Prince Zany?” asked Luna, grinning broadly.
“Things have been getting too predictable around here,” Zany answered, plopping himself down on the throne. “Tomorrow, the sun should do a loop-de-loop as it comes up, then turn plaid. Red and green, I think! It should also be snowing popcorn in the mountains and nacho cheese should be flooding the rivers.”
“Yes, Zany,” answered Celestia.
“And there should be plenty of broccoli and corn chips along the banks for the ponies to dip in the cheese.”
“I'll see to it," said Luna with a curtsy. "Is there any other way we can serve you?"
“Yes, please call in the royal masseuse to massage my back. It’s a little achy.”
Luna clapped her hooves and a massage table appeared. The masseuse was a pretty filly with light brown fur and a lavender mane. She regarded Zany hungrily as he laid himself face down on the table.
"What would the Prince like?" she asked in a sultry voice.
"A nice, gentle massage on my upper back will do for starters, Nutmeg," he replied.
The filly set to work, gently kneading the muscles between his shoulder blades.
“Oh, that is perfect,” Zany sighed, a huge grin scrawled across his face. “That is utterly--OUCH!”
“Sorry,” said Nutmeg. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“That’s okay, just don’t let it—OUCH! That’s my head!”
“Sorry! I didn’t mean to hit you.”
“Are you sure?” asked Zany suspiciously. “I’m starting to think that—OUCH! That was my flank you hit!”
“Sorry, Prince Zany,” the masseuse apologized. “Oops!” Her hoof smacked Zany hard right on the cutie mark.
“OW! What is going on? OW!” he shouted as more blows rained down. “Stop-- OW! Smacking-- OW! My flank! YEOW!”
“Sorry, Prince Zany.”
Zany rolled off the table and rubbed his stinging backside.
“What in Tartarus is wrong with this dream?”
A giggle seemed to come from one of the stained-glass windows. He looked up sharply, but all he saw was the image of Twilight Sparkle and the Elements of Harmony.
“Very funny, Princess,” he grumbled. "Very funny."
Slowly, the train screeched and bumped to a stop at the Ponyville station.
“Ponyville!” the conductor bellowed. “Passengers for Ponyville, please exit the cars!”
The doors opened. A streak of white and purple leaped from the last car and galloped down the platform.
“After her!” voices bellowed. Jewel did not look back. She ran down the street, her heart beating hard in her chest: past the post office, Sugarcube Corners, and the library until she reached the Carousel Boutique. She threw open the door and slammed it behind her, locking it tight.
“Mummy?” she called. “Daddy? Gemstone? I’m home!”
There was no answer. “Hello?” she called, lighting up her horn. “Anypony here?”
In the light, she could see the room was empty. Where was the furniture? Where were her mother’s ponykins? Where were the drawers of buttons and bolts of cloth? Jewel’s heart beat harder in rising panic. Where were they? Where were her family?
“How did I just know you were going to bolt here?”
Jewel squeaked as Picture Perfect loomed out of the shadows, an evil grin spreading across his face.
“I warned you, Jewel! Your family is ruined. Your mother had to sell off her stores. Your father’s a poor broken stallion. Your darling sister had to go to work in the Cherry factory.”
“No!” Jewel screamed, looking around desperately.
“Oh, yes! Take a look outside.”
Jewel looked out the window and saw Rarity and Fancy Pants sitting dejectedly on a street corner in Manehattan. Their white coats were stained gray and they were so thin, she could see the bones through their skin.
“Mummy! Daddy!” Jewel bolted out the door, but Rarity and Fancy Pants were gone. She looked around for them desperately when her eyes fell on Goodnight. He was standing in the middle of the road, blocking her way. A wide grin split his face.
“Well, well, well, look at what I have here,” his voice bellowed triumphantly.
Jewel gasped. Bound, gagged and hanging upside down by their tails were Applespike and Zany. The black stallion laughed maniacally.
“Time for payback!”
The ground shook and a giant tazlworm broke through the earth.
“No!” cried Jewel as Goodnight dangled the terrified colts over the creature’s enormous maw. Fair Weather and Mountain Mist appeared, holding her back. Goodnight grinned cruelly.
“Come and get it!” he called.
“No!”
“ENOUGH!”
There was a flash of light, and the images turned to mist and wafted away. Jewel found herself alone in a field of soft blue.
“It was only a dream,” she whispered in relief. “It was only a dream.” She looked up and saw the dark, lean silhouette of an alicorn slowly approaching.
“Oh, Princess Luna!” she cried, bowing low. “Thank you! Thank you, so much!”
The alicorn giggled like a filly. “Rise, Jewel,” she said. “You don’t need to bow to me.”
Jewel looked up sharply. That didn’t sound like Princess Luna’s voice! She squinted suspiciously at the approaching alicorn. She seemed a lot shorter close up. And where was her crown and royal regalia?
“Who—who are you?” she asked nervously.
“It’s all right, Jewel. It’s just me.” A soft beam of light shone on the mysterious alicorn, revealing a lavender-colored body and pink and purple mane and tail. Jewel’s mouth dropped open in shock.
“Tw-Twinkle?” she stammered.
The little alicorn nodded.
“But-but how? I thought Princess Luna was the only one who could walk the Dream Realm!”
“I think I’ve always had the power,” said Twinkle, shrugging. “I remember nap time at school when I was a foal, I could sometimes see what my classmates were dreaming. I never said anything, because I didn’t want anypony to think I was spying.”
“Oh!” Jewel gasped as realization struck. “No wonder Princess Luna took you as a pupil instead of Princess Celestia!”
Twinkle nodded. “Princess Celestia has no power over the Dream Realm, so she couldn’t be my mentor.”
“Goodness! Does your mother know?”
“No. Only Princess Luna and Princess Celestia know about it right now. They wanted to make sure I had control over my powers before they broke the news.”
“I see,” said Jewel as she let the realization sink in. Her friend and former playmate was a Dream Walker! How exciting! But, oh! The little unicorn blushed as she remembered one of her most recent dreams. “And, um, how many times have you entered my dreams?”
“This is the first time,” Twinkle assured her. “I have looked at the dreams of some of my other friends, though. I’ve looked at Zany’s quite a few times.” The alicorn chuckled slyly. “I may have even sabotaged them a little. Usually, I leave the nightmares to Luna, but your dream called to me and I had to do something.”
“I’m so grateful you did!” Jewel threw her hooves around Twinkle’s neck and sobbed into her coat. “It was awful!”
“I saw,” said Twinkle comfortingly. She stood still and let her friend cry herself out. “You have a lot of fear in you, Jewel, that you manage to hide from your family and your friends.”
Jewel nodded, her face still buried in Twinkle’s shoulder.
“You want to tell me about it?”
Jewel gulped, then slowly nodded. Twinkle listened without interrupting as the little unicorn poured her heart out. She spoke about the threats, the million-bit penalty, and Goodnight’s plans for revenge. Her voice broke as she spoke about the loneliness and isolation she felt, not being allowed to see her friends or family.
“And this morning, I wrote a letter to Applespike,” she said. “Telling him… how much… I love him. I promised I would talk to my parents about renegotiating my contract. The letter never made it to the post office. One of Picture Perfect’s henchponies intercepted it and showed it to him. Now, he has forbidden me from posting any letters that haven’t been reviewed by him. He also punished me by sending a photo of poor Fluttershy’s burlap gown to Rogue magazine for some horrible fashion critic to tear my mother’s reputation apart!”
“It won’t work,” Twinkle said soothingly. “Your Mom has a rock-solid reputation. Besides, I heard a lot of ponies were really taken with the burlap gown idea. We’ll probably see a lot of them at the next Gala.”
“But, that’s not all,” said Jewel. “He has a photo of Daddy and me at the Gala. In the picture, it looks like I was annoyed with him, but I wasn’t! And now, if I don’t do as he says, Picture Perfect will send the picture to a gossip magazine, claiming that I’m ashamed of my father! Oh, Twinkle! If the magazines run that story, my father will be devastated! He’ll be a social outcaste! And it will be all my fault!”
The little alicorn looked grave, then closed her eyes, deep in thought. Jewel waited anxiously, for her to speak. The fact that this was Twinkle Sparkle, the same filly who had accidentally sprayed her with melted marshmallow a few nights earlier was forgotten. This was Twinkle Sparkle, a protégé of Princess Luna and a Dream Walker! She would know what to do.
Twinkle slowly opened her eyes. “And you have no way of contacting your parents? No one you can trust to get a letter to them?”
Jewel shook her head. “I have friends, but they’re too terrified of Picture Perfect to help me.”
“Well, I can get a message to them this time. I can send it through Spike or Applespike.”
“Applespike would be better,” said Jewel. “Tomorrow is delivery day. Spike and Applejack will be out of town.”
Twinkle nodded. “Okay. I’ll do that for you. Of course, you can’t keep relying on me to relay messages for you. I’m still in training so I’m not going to always be available.”
“Then, what should I do?” Jewel whispered.
“There’s only one thing I can think of, Jewel, and it’s not something I’d usually recommend.” Twinkle looked the little unicorn gravely in the eyes. “You need to get away .”
Jewel’s mouth dropped open. “What?”
“You need to get away from Picture Perfect and his gang.” Twinkle spoke slowly, putting weight to her words. “As long as you stay, he will continue to have power over you. And after what you told me, I wouldn’t be surprised if things didn't get worse.”
“But…but…I’m his star," Jewel protested. "Surely, he wouldn’t hurt me.”
Twinkle shook her head. “I can see your fears, Jewel. I know you don’t really believe that.”
Jewel bit her lip, then a great rage exploded inside her. “It’s all Twilight’s fault!” she screamed, tears pouring from her eyes. “Your mother had no business recommending me to the School for Gifted Unicorns! If I hadn’t been there, Picture Perfect would have never seen me and I wouldn’t be in this mess now!”
Twinkle’s eyes widened in shock. “Mom thought you had great potential. I remember you were always quick to pick up new spells.”
“I didn’t belong there!” Jewel reared up and pounded Twinkle’s chest with her hooves. “She only sent me as a favor to Mother, and you know it!”
“ENOUGH! ”
Jewel squeaked as Twinkle grabbed her and held her suspended with her magic. The little alicorn’s nostrils flared furiously. “Is that what you really think?” she demanded. “You think my mother lied to get you in? Let me tell you something, Jewel, my Mom loves Aunt Rarity but she would never recommend someone to the School for Gifted Unicorns unless she thought they showed promise! And you did!”
Jewel shook her head, the only part of her not frozen by Twinkle’s spell. “But the spells I had to learn at the school were so hard! I kept making mistakes. Everypony else was mastering these spells, while I struggled.”
“Hey, my Mom is great with spells, but it took her years to master some of them. Her strength lies in her knowledge and her tenacity.” She set Jewel down and released her from her magic bonds. “You have talent, Jewel. You just didn’t give it time to let it grow.”
Jewel bowed her head. “I messed up. I knew I had messed up not long after I joined Picture Perfect, but I was too ashamed to say so. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell my parents that I had failed at something else.”
“Your parents would understand, Jewel. I’m sure it took your mother a while to find her niche, too. But getting back to your problem, I don’t see any other way for you. This jerk has cut you off from your family and friends and he refuses to listen to you. You’re going to have to run away.”
“But…but what about his threats?”
“What? That picture of you and your dad?” Twinkle snorted. “What good would it do Picture Perfect if you left him to be with your father. Actions speak louder than any old photo.”
“But…but…the million bits!”
“Don’t worry about that,” said Twinkle with a smirk. “I’ve done some research and I may be able to help you. What do you say?”
Jewel’s body shook with emotion, her legs buckling under her like a newborn foal. She had daydreamed of running away many times; slipping past the watchful eyes of her guardians, going incognito, avoiding detection until she finally made it to Ponyville. But her plans had always remained just a daydream. The idea of actually setting out on her own was frightening, there was so much that could go wrong! But it was also… so exciting! To go on an adventure after years of being shuttled around, guarded as closely as the Princesses’ crown jewels, sounded exhilarating! She thought about Zany and Applespike, and knew what they would tell her to do.
Twinkle remained patiently quiet as Jewel thought this through, but she could feel their time was ending.
“Jewel, you’re starting to wake up. I’ll get word to your parents, but I need to know what you plan to do.”
“I’ll do it!” cried Jewel. “I’ll leave tonight if I can! I have a plain traveling cloak I can wear and a few bits in my purse.”
“Good! Make your way to Canterlot! Don’t try for Ponyville, that’s the first place they’ll hunt for you.”
“Thank you, Twinkle!” called Jewel as her friend’s image began to dissipate. “And please, tell Applespike I love him! And I’m coming home!”
Author's Note
The story Applespike was thinking of was the Caldecott award winning book "Many Moons" by James Thurber.
I think this chapter and the last one are very timely, considering all the revelations coming out of Hollywood about young actors being abused. I just wonder if I should have given this story a "T" rating instead.
The Chaotic Three: A Zany Story
“One for the blackbird
One for the crow
That will leave
Just two to grow.”
Applespike chanted to himself as he dropped four corn kernels into the hole his Uncle Big Mac had just dug. Cinnamon Stick followed behind with a hoe, quickly covering the seeds with earth. His wife, Dinky, and Big Mac’s daughter, Apple Blossom, worked the next row over. Apple Blossom had returned to Ponyville that morning to help with the planting.
“Too bad Thunder Dash couldn’t come help,” Dinky lamented, as she levitated the seeds. “I bet we’d be done in no time.”
Apple Blossom snorted. “Don’t kid yourself. The last time my husband helped Daddy with the plowing, he took out a split rail fence, a wind mill, and almost knocked over the silo. Believe me, he’s better off with the Wonderbolts right now.”
“Faster is definitely not better,” Cinnamon Stick agreed. “Like instant grits or oatmeal.”
“Oooh, yuck!” said Apple Blossom and Applespike with a shudder.
“Besides, planting corn’s not that hard, just kinda repetitious. I can’t say the view is inspiring,” Cinnamon Stick added, indicating his baby brother’s tail wagging a few paces ahead of him.
“Well, if you ain’t the lead pony, the view never changes,” said Applespike, quoting their mother.
"Nope," agreed Big Mac.
The ponies laughed and continued with their work. They had been at it since sunup and the field was close to being completely planted. They were working on the last four rows when Granny rang the bell for dinner. They washed their dirty hooves at the pump then quickly filed in around the kitchen table. The boards were literally groaning under the weight of the food. There was butterbeans, rice with mushroom gravy, fried green tomatoes, fried veggie sausage, and crispy hoe cake.
“Ya’ll dig in, now,” Granny ordered. “Ya need to keep up your strength!”
“Eeyup,” agreed Big Mac, sitting at the head of the table.
All the ponies dug in with relish. Despite having known the Apples all her life, Dinky was always amazed at how much food the Earth ponies put away. After a helping of beans, sausage, and hoe cake, she was full; but the others loaded their plates several times.
“Have some more, Dinky darlin’,” said Granny filling her plate with more beans and a helping of rice and gravy.
“Thank you,” the little unicorn sighed, knowing it was useless to protest. She forced down a few more beans and some of the rice before pushing away her plate. “Goodness, I don’t think I can eat another bite.”
“I hope Thunder is eating well without me there,” Apple Blossom fretted. “He and his sister get so caught up in their routines and such, they forget to refuel. I asked Aqua Fresh to keep an eye on ‘em for me.”
“I’m sure they’re in good hooves,” said Cinnamon Stick reassuringly. He applied some extra gravy to his rice. “Aqua Fresh is a tad flighty, but she’s pretty reliable.”
“Bet her cookin’ isn’t as good as yours, though,” said Applespike, putting in his two bits. “I love your sour dough bis—BEEEELCH!”
The Apple family quickly ducked as a flume of green fire erupted from the dragon-pony’s mouth.
Applespike slapped a hoof to his mouth, his cheeks flaming red with embarrassment.
“Excuse me.”
“Tarnation, boy!” cried Granny. “Cover your mouth when you do that!”
“Sorry, I-I didn’t know I was gonna—”
“Oooh, what’s that?” asked Dinky.
Everyone looked where she was pointing. Lying on the table, right in front of Applespike’s plate, was a scroll tied with a red ribbon.
“Wow, little bro,” murmured Cinnamon Stick. “You’ve never burped up a scroll before. Who’s it for?”
Applespike picked up the scroll and read the address.
“It-it’s for me,” he said in surprise. Quickly he untied the ribbon and unrolled the parchment. “It’s from Twinkle Sparkle!
“Maybe she’s sweet on ya’,” said Granny, with a wink. “You are a fine catch, you know.”
“Granny!” Applespike blushed.
“Don’t tease him, now,” Big Mac gently admonished. “Let him read.”
Applespike gave his uncle a grateful smile, then turned his attention to the letter. Everypony continued to eat. They were all curious, but too well bred to ask what it said. They watched his face as he read, his green reptilian eyes following the words on the paper. Suddenly, his eyes widened and his mouth fell open. The Apple family looked at each other worriedly.
“What is it, bro?” asked Cinnamon Stick, touching his arm. “What’s wrong?”
Applespike sat frozen, his eyes big as soup bowls, his breath coming in quick staccato gasps.
“APPLESPIKE!”
The dragon-pony jumped as Big Mac thundered his name. He looked at his uncle then at the frightened faces around him.
“S-sorry,” he said. “I was just so… so…” The corners of his mouth twitched upwards into an awkward smile. “May—may I be excused?” he asked, looking desperately at Granny. “I--I have to go.”
“Of course, young’un,” Granny replied kindly. Applespike rolled up the scroll and ran for the door. He paused just long enough to throw on a saddlebag and stuff the parchment down inside it.
“Where are you going?” asked Dinky.
“I’m goin’ to see a pony about a dog,” Applespike replied, then darted out the kitchen door.
Dinky looked confused. “He’s going to the animal shelter?”
Cinnamon Stick sighed and shook his head. “I’ll explain later, dear,” he murmured. “Want some dessert?”
“Hey! How’d you git in thar? Git out!”
A large Earth pony stallion wearing a railroad detective uniform pointed his nightstick at a small gray-cloaked figure peeking out from one of the boxcars. The figure gave a little squeak and ducked back inside.
“Oh, no you don’t!” The stallion rushed forward and blocked the boxcar’s door from sliding closed. The cloaked figure sat, cringing in the shadows. “Git out of thar, right now!”
“Y-yes, sir,” said a small frightened voice. A pale, pretty face emerged from the cloak’s hood and two beautiful blue eyes regarded him fearfully. The stallion raised an eyebrow.
“You sure don’t look much like a hobo,” he grunted as the little filly gracefully alighted from the car. “What are ya, a runaway?”
“You could say that,” the filly replied meekly.
“Thought so,” the stallion turned his head and spat on the gray gravel. “We get all kinds out here, but you’re the first unicorn runaway I’ve ever met. Don’t look so surprised,” he snorted when the filly gasped. “I’ve seen plenty of them high-falutin’ unicorn mares wearin’ them hooded cloaks. The horn always makes a lump under the hood.”
He jerked his head towards the boxcar. “You got company in thar?” he asked.
“No, sir. Just me.”
“Better be just you.” He poked his head inside the car and glanced around. “The Railroad’s got a strict policy about ponies stowin’ away—what is this? ”
The filly blushed guiltily as the Railroad pony raked out three apple cores and five carrot tops. He glared down at her angrily.
“Bad enough that you’re runnin’ away, but you got to steal from hard workin’ ponies, too? Do you know how much this stuff could fetch at the Market in Canterlot?”
“Yes, sir. And I am very sorry,” said the unicorn filly in a gracious voice, very unlike her earlier cringing tone. “I’m afraid I didn’t have a proper meal last night, and I was quite hungry. Will this cover it?”
Five bits levitated from under the cloak and landed on the boxcar floor near the stallion. The pony looked from the coins to the ruined produce then pushed two of the coins back.
“It ain’t worth that much,” he muttered.
The filly smiled as she pocketed the two bits. “You must be related to the Apple family,” she said.
“Distantly,” he admitted with a flush of pride. His eyes narrowed. “What does a fine talkin’ little unicorn like you know about the Apples? Whar are you from?”
“Ponyville. It’s a long story, but I desperately need to get to Canterlot. I have a friend there who can help me reunite with my family. Do you know how far it is from here?”
“An hour by train. Three if you go by wagon,” the stallion grunted. “You can check with the ticket office. But no more ridin’ in boxcars! It ain’t safe fer a little filly like you.”
“Yes, sir. And thank you!”
Jewel trotted daintily away, thankful the stallion had not turned her over to the authorities. It seemed everything had been going right for her. Her escape had been surprisingly easy. The train had stopped at a small country station to take on some late-night travelers. A freight train heading towards Canterlot sat the next track over. Luckily, the protective spell Picture Perfect had on her private car only prevented anyone from entering. It didn’t stop anyone from leaving. The window proved to be just the right size for a little, starved filly to squeeze through.
Jewel stepped up to the ticket window. “Excuse me!”
A brown mare with a black mane, looked down at her curiously. “Yes? How kin I help ya?”
“I was wondering, how much is a ticket to Canterlot? I understand it’s only an hour away.”
“Yes’m,” said the mare. “From here to Canterlot is ten bits.”
“Thank you,” Jewel pulled out her little purse and carefully counted the coins. There were three whole bits, four half-bits, and some silver. Not enough to equal ten bits. Drat! She thought wryly about her bank account in Manehattan, and what a great lot of good it was doing her right then.
“Well, I suppose I shall have to walk,” said Jewel with a sigh. She levitated the coins back into her purse. “Which road leads to Canterlot?” she asked the ticket seller.
“That road over yonder,” said the mare pointing to a brown dirt path that meandered into the green hills. “It ain’t a bad road, but it’s a pretty long walk for a little filly, like yourself.”
“Oh, I’ll manage,” said Jewel, primly. The mare raised an eyebrow and looked doubtfully at Jewel’s dainty, well-manicured, little hooves.
“You know,” she said, slowly. “A friend of mine, Big Bart, is takin’ some produce up to Canterlot today. Maybe you kin travel with him.”
The ticket seller stepped from behind the counter and escorted Jewel to a grass covered lot behind the station. There stood a large wagon filled with baskets upon baskets of pears, cantaloupes, and assorted vegetables. Standing next to it was a large light-green stallion with a yellow mane, wearing a battered straw hat. He looked at them curiously as they walked up.
“Mornin’, Bart,” said the ticket seller. “This here filly needs to get to Canterlot. Kin she ride with you?”
The big stallion regarded Jewel with big kind eyes and slowly nodded. “Eyup!”
Jewel couldn’t help but smile at that. Big Bart reminded her so much of Big Mac that she felt she could trust him.
“Hop in,” he told her, pointing to the wagon seat. Jewel did as he said while the stallion hitched himself up.
“Thanks, Bart,” said the ticket mare. “I gotta get back to work, now. Good bye, young’un! And good luck to ya!”
“Goodbye, ma’am. And thank you!”
The big stallion turned his head towards Jewel. “Ready?” he asked.
She nodded and held on tight as Big Bart turned the wagon onto the road. Soon he broke into a steady trot and the two of them were headed to Canterlot.
Applespike raced down the path through the Everfree Forest. It was a good thing, Discord had a protective spell on the road or the dragon-pony would have ended up as a snack for some creature. His mind was far away, thinking about the letter.
Dear Applespike,
This is very important! I need you to get word to Aunt Rarity and Uncle Fancy Pants to come to Canterlot immediately! Jewel is running away from Picture Perfect, and she will need her family as soon as possible. I don’t know where she is now or if she was able to get away, but she told me last night that she was leaving. Go to my Mom and ask her to use a locator spell to find her. After she locates her, Discord could use his powers to teleport her to Canterlot. Tell him to send her to Twilight’s Tower on the School for Gifted Unicorn’s campus. I’ll take care of it from there.
Thanks,
Twinkle Sparkle
PS: Jewel said to tell you that she loves you and she’s coming home.
That last line was enough to make him grin and bounce like Pinkie Pie at a surprise party. She loved him! Jewel loved him! Squeeee! Some of the forest creatures hiding in the shadows watched him, shaking their heads at his antics. It wasn’t long before Discord’s castle was looming in front of him. He rang the doorbell which made a loud thrupping sound, like a whoopie cushion being sat on.
The door swung open in an instant, revealing Zany wearing a red smoking jacket and sipping chocolate milk from a fancy balloon-shaped glass.
“My dear Applespike,” he said, imitating a high-society accent. “Welcome. What brings you to Casa de Discord this fine afternoon?”
“I need to see your Dad, right away," Applespike panted. "It’s important.”
“Really?” replied Zany, leaning lazily against the doorframe. “Well, I’m afraid Dad and Mom are out of the castle at this time. Until such time as they return, I will be the In-House Grand Master of Chaos.”
“Rats!” Applespike stomped his hoof in frustration. “When do you expect them back?”
“How should I know?” Zany shrugged. “They went on a shopping trip to Whinnypeg with Screwy and Mothy to buy some fancy Bittenberg Lace for the new baby.”
“Already?” Applespike wrinkled his muzzle. “The baby’s not due for another eight months and we don’t even know what sex it is. Not that it makes any difference. Aunt Dashie would have a conniption before she’d let any kid of hers wear lace.”
“Oh, it’s not for Aunt Rainbow Dash,” said Zany, swirling the milk in his glass then taking a quick sip. “It’s for Screwy.”
The draconequess colt grinned as he watched his friend’s eyes widen in surprise. He conjured a wooden box of pink and blue cigars and offered them to Applespike.
“Congratulate me,” he said proudly. “I am going to be an uncle.”
Applespike eyed the cigars distastefully. “I don’t smoke.”
“Neither do I,” replied Zany, taking a blue cigar and biting the end off. “It’s bubble-gum.”
The dragon-pony took a bite from one of the pink cigars. It tasted like strawberries.
“So, when did you find out your sister was expecting?” he asked.
“Last night. She and Mothball came up to the castle with us and dropped that little bombshell. My parents went crazy.
“Yeah. It’s some fancy, expensive clothes brand. I think Rarity bought some for her girls once.”
Zany snorted. “If the kid is anything like Mothy or Screwy, that gown won’t last long. Anyway, Dad teleported everyone, except me, to Whinnypeg this morning and I have no idea when they’ll be back.” Zany paused and blew a heart-shaped bubble. “So, what’s so important that you need to see Dad?”
“I got a message from Twinkle Sparkle.”
POP! Blue bubblegum coated Zany’s muzzle. He looked sharply at his friend, a green wave of jealousy rising in his chest. He quickly tamped it down and tried to look unimpressed.
“Well, that’s nice,” he drawled. “And what did old Twinkle Toes have to say to you?”
“It’s Jewel. She’s needs help.”
Zany suddenly became serious. “What kind of help?”
“Here’s the letter,” Applespike hoofed over the scroll. “Twinkle thinks Jewel may have run away from Picture Perfect, but she’s not sure. She asked me to get Twilight to use a locator spell to find her, then your Dad could transport her to Canterlot.”
“But, why to Canterlot?” asked Zany, looking up from the letter.“Wouldn’t she be better off here, where we can protect her?”
Applespike thought about that for a moment then shook his head. “I don’t think so. Picture Perfect’s got her under that contract. Even if we kept him from taking her back, he could still hurt her by ruining Uncle Fancy Pants and Aunt Rarity.”
“Not if Dad kicked him and his goons to the dark side of the moon,” Zany grinned, showing his fang.
“Yeah, and have all them fancy ponies in Manehattan yelling at Princess Celestia to turn your Dad back into stone. No, Zany. Twinkle’s got a plan and I think we need to follow it.”
“Oh, all right,” Zany sighed. He poofed away his jacket and chocolate milk. “We’ll do it Twinkie’s way. But there’s no need to go to Twilight’s. We can just use my Mom’s magic mirror. It’s a lot faster than a locator spell and it’ll save us a trip to town.”
“I guess that’s okay,” Applespike considered. “As long as your Dad won’t mind.He wasn’t too happy the last time you used it.”
“That’s because I was spying on Twinkle.” The draconequess colt blinked and, in a flash, the two of them were standing in front of Fluttershy’s vanity. The enchanted mirror lay face-down next to a butterfly-shaped brush. “He won’t mind me using it to locate Jewel.”
Zany lifted the mirror with his magic and turned the shiny surface to face them.
“Show us our friend, Jewel,” he commanded.
The two watched the mirror’s surface as it blurred then showed the little unicorn wearing a gray cloak and sitting on a wagon seat. Applespike gasped in delight, one of his hooves reaching for the image. Zany quickly smacked it away.
“No touching. It messes up reception,” he warned.
The two continued to look at the image. Jewel appeared to be talking to someone, but they couldn’t hear anything.
“Audio, please,” said Zany.
“Really, Mr. Bart, I appreciate you letting me ride with you to Canterlot, but I must insist on paying you for your fruit. I know how hard you must have worked to harvest it.”
“Nope,” a deep voice responded.
“Goodness, you are stubborn,” Jewel huffed. “Very well.” The colts watched as she levitated a large yellow fruit onto the wagon seat beside her, then, glancing around furtively, slipped a golden bit into the basket. Giving the fruit a quick polish, she levitated it to her mouth and took a juicy bite.
“Is that what I think it is?” asked Applespike, his eyes narrowing. “Is Jewel eating a…PEAR!”
“Naw! There’s only one,” said Zany, grinning.
“Very funny,” the dragon-pony muttered. “She and I will definitely have to have a talk about this.” He studied the image for a moment then shook his head. “I can’t make out any landmarks. Is there any way the mirror could show us more?”
“Yeah. Show us more,” Zany ordered.
Slowly, the mirror pulled back, showing more of the scene. They could see the wagon and the large yellow-green stallion pulling it. (Sure enough, he had a pear for a cutie mark.) The road was just a regular dirt brown road going over regular green grass-covered hills. There were some bushes and some buttercups in a field and a tall pine tree…
“Whoa! Stop!” cried Applespike. The mirror paused. The half-pony squinted at the image then jumped back with a cry.
“Really? Where is it?”
“It’s a farm-to-market road north of Canterlot. It goes to this little farming town called Rocky Ford. Uncle Big Mac and I went there last summer to deliver some apples and pick up some cantaloupes.” He pointed at the scene in the mirror. “I remember us passing that big pine tree! It had a big crooked branch that hung over the road.”
“How far is that from Canterlot?”
“Hour. Hour and a half. Depends on how fast they’re going.” Applespike shook his head in wonder. “I can’t believe it! I can’t believe she managed to get so far on her own!”
“She’s a member of the Chaotic Three,” Zany said grinning wickedly .“Wily as a chimera but gentle as a dove.”
Applespike chuckled at the description. “Bet she gets that from her Mom. Remember that story about Aunt Rarity and the Diamond Dogs? Now, I know Diamond Dogs ain’t too smart to begin with, but the way she managed to convince them to—”
“What’s that?”
Applespike paused and looked to where Zany was pointing. Squinting, he saw what looked like a very fine brownish cloud rising from the hills far behind the wagon.
“That’s a dust cloud,” he muttered. “Somepony pulling a wagon or going mighty fast.”
The two half-ponies shared a look.
“Show us that dust cloud,” murmured Zany.
The image blurred then cleared, showing the brown cloud and the ponies who were making it. It was two unicorn stallions, both unusually big and powerful looking. The muscles bulged and rippled under their black fur as they ran. One had a green mane, the other had silver.
“Aw, manure pile!” cried Applespike, using his uncle’s favorite cuss word. “It’s that varmint, Goodnight and one of his pals!” Smoke wafted from his nostrils. “I’ve about had enough of him.”
Zany, for once, was more focused than his friend. He had the image give them an aerial view so they could see the distance between the cart and the two pursuers.
“They’re still a good way behind them,” he said. “The cart’s moving at a steady pace, but at the rate they’re running, they may catch them soon.” He looked worriedly at Applespike. “I don’t think she’s gonna make it to Canterlot.”
Applespike paced back and forth, growling in red-faced rage. Smoke billowed thickly as green flames flickered between his clenched teeth. He stopped and looked sharply at his friend. “Think you could teleport her to Canterlot from here?”
Zany shook his head. “No. Dad could do it if he was here, he’s always been good at teleporting others. I can’t. Not unless I’m actually with the person when they teleport. And, well... you know how great I am at that.”
“Well, we have to do SOMETHING!” Applespike bellowed. Flames shot from his mouth. Zany quickly threw up a heat shield to keep himself and his parents’ bedroom from going up in smoke.
“Okay! Okay! Calm down, already!”
The dragon-pony stopped the flames, and stood gasping for breath. Zany dropped the shield and brushed a few scorched hairs from his mane.
“So, are you saying that you actually want me to go to Jewel and try to teleport her to Canterlot?” he asked.
“No,” Applespike answered hoarsely. “I want US to go to Jewel and teleport her to Canterlot!”
A wicked grin scrawled across the young draconequess’ face. He threw his hoof over his friend’s shoulder and gave him a hearty shake.
“Your wish is my command!”
POOF!
Jewel sat on the wagon seat, enjoying the peaceful day and the warm sun on her fur. Such a blessed quiet! No constant clacking of steel wheels, no screech of brakes, no shouts, no dull clunk of hooves on wood. Just the steady clop, clop, clop of Big Bart’s feet and the sound of the wooden wheels turning on their axle. She regarded the big stallion fondly. He didn’t talk much, but he was kind and very generous. Very unlike the stallions she had left far behind.
Big Bart glanced back at the pretty unicorn filly. Good thing the ticket mare had brought her to him, he thought. It wasn’t a good idea for a little thing like her to be traveling alone. He knew thieves often watched the road, waiting for the chance to rob somepony. He personally hadn’t had any problems. His sheer size was enough to scare off any would-be robbers.
The cloud of dust he saw rising in the distance behind them concerned him. It couldn’t be another cart. Whoever it was, they were coming hard and fast. He picked up the pace and hoped for the best.
POOF!
Applespike looked around. They were not on the farm-to- market road they had seen in the mirror. They appeared to be on top of a low mountain, overlooking a flat land of brown grass and sparse pines.
“Hey! What are you doing up there?” a deep gruff voice shouted.
The dragon-pony looked down and found himself looking into the broad outraged face of a bull buffalo.
“No one is allowed to climb on top of the Crazy Pony monument! Of all the disrespectful things!”
“Sorry, my bad,” said Zany, smiling sheepishly. “And we weren’t climbing. We were teleporting.”
“Really? Where’s your horn, then?” the buffalo ranger snorted.
“Uh, no time to explain. Bye!”
POOF!
An intensely cold wind hit both ponies as they materialized again. Applespike, shaking, looked around him. They were standing on a vast frozen lake with no sign of land in sight.
“Wrong again!” he shouted.
“S-s-sorry!” Zany apologized. He was starting to turn a little blue.
Applespike grabbed his friend and gave him shake. “Come on, Zany!” he cried. “Try again! For Jewel’s sake, try again!”
Zany nodded. “Th-third time’s the ch-charm!”
POOF!
“Hang on, young’un!”
Jewel tucked herself down in the wagon bed, hanging on for dear life as Big Bart broke into a run. The wagon bounced and swayed, sending pears and cantaloupes careening from their baskets. The little unicorn used her magic to put everything back, hoping nothing was too damaged for him to sell at the market.
She had seen them! Goodnight and Mountain Mist chasing after them!
Big Bart ran as fast as he could. Glancing back at his pursuers, he had to admit they didn’t look much like robbers, but, he had seen the look of fear on the little filly’s face and that had been enough for him. If he could get her to Canterlot, maybe somepony in law enforcement could help.
“STOP!” one of the unicorns bellowed.
The big Earth stallion responded by putting on an extra burst of speed.
Suddenly, the wagon stopped. Big Bart whinnied in shock as his body was jerked violently backwards. He sat down hard. Looking back, he saw a green aura surrounding the wagon’s wheels.
“Thank you, Mountain Mist,” said a silver-maned unicorn, moseying up to the wagon .“This will only take a moment, then we will be out of your mane,” he added, tossing a bag of bits to the Earth stallion.
Jewel cowered down under the wagon seat. She tried to cast an invisibility spell, but she was too frightened to concentrate. Goodnight’s face appeared over the side of the wagon, his lip curling in cruel triumph as he glimpsed her.
“Come out, my dear. It will be so much easier if you cooperate,” he said sweetly.
SPLAT!
An over-ripe pear smashed into his face. Jewel scrambled from her hiding spot and dove over the side of the wagon.
“Oh, you are going to regret that!” Goodnight shouted, wiping the pear from his face. Jewel ducked under the wagon as he chased after her. “Get out from under there!” he bellowed.
Jewel crawled towards the front of the wagon, until she was beside Big Bart. The Earth stallion stood up and placed a protective hoof around her.
“Enough of this,” Mountain Mist grumbled. He seized Jewel with his magic and started to drag her away. Big Bart tightened his grip on her.
“Nope,” he grunted.
“Let go, you stupid hick! Let go or—”
POOF!
The green-haired unicorn fell on his flanks in surprise as a pair of colts, one gray and one with a dragon tail, suddenly appeared in front of him.
“WE’RE HEEEEEEERE!” yelled the gray colt, flashing a sharp looking fang.
“Applespike! Zany!” Jewel squealed.
The chaotic colt rolled his eyes .“Honestly, do you always have to put his name first? What’s wrong with Zany then Applespike?”
“Watch out!” Applespike pushed Zany’s head down and shot flames in the direction of Goodnight, who was taking aim at Zany's back. Goodnight dodged then fired his horn at the dragon-pony. Zany blocked the shot with a shield, then cast his own chaotic spell. PLOP! A gigantic blob of gooey melted cheese landed on the unicorn, coating him horn to hoof.
“Nacho average defense spell,” the chaotic colt quipped.
His gloating was cut short by a flash of green magic from Mountain Mist’s horn. The blast knocked both colts to the ground, stunning them. The green-haired unicorn smirked as he powered up his horn for another go.
“HEEEEEAHHHH!”
Mountain Mist whinnied in pain as a stinging spell struck him right between the eyes.
“Take that!” cried Jewel, zapping him again and again. “You nasty, low-down, letter-stealing, little tattle-tail!”
She was so busy punishing the stallion, she did not see Goodnight freeing himself from his cheesy prison. The little filly squeaked in fright as his magic wrapped around her, pulling her roughly to him.
“I got her!” he shouted to Mountain Mist. “Hurry! Teleport us back to the train station!”
“NO!” cried Applespike and Zany scrambling to their feet.
THUNK!
Everypony froze as a heavy bag of bits struck the silver-haired unicorn right below his horn. Goodnight's eyes rolled up in his head as he fell into a heap on the ground. He was out cold.
“Bullseye!” Big Bart rumbled low.
Jewel quickly rushed back to her friends. “Zany! Get us out of here!” she cried.
“I’m on it!” Zany grabbed his friends in his hooves and prepared to teleport.
“Wait! We can’t leave Big Bart!”
“Don’t worry, we’re not!” Zany quickly added the big stallion to his spell then focused as hard as he could.Canterlot! We need to get to Canterlot! He thought, bringing up every image of the royal city he could think of.
Mountain Mist, his face covered in stinging welts, furiously turned his horn on the group. A bright dangerous-looking aura gathered on the tip.
“Zany!” Applespike cried.
“I got it!”
The green-maned unicorn fired his spell. The flash was blinding. The sound was deafening. It was a powerful spell. Maybe too powerful. Mountain Mist raised his head to survey the damage, then cursed. Except for Goodnight unconscious on the ground, he was alone.
Jewel and her friends had escaped.
Author's Note
There are a lot of things I want to explain about the chapter. First is Applespike telling Dinky that he is "Going to see a pony about a dog." My father used to tell us that whenever we went for a Sunday drive and wanted to know where were going.
The Chaotic Three: A Zany Story
Author's Note
Sorry this took so long. It's kind of a filler chapter, but I hope ya'll like it.
The Not-So-Great Escape
Big Bartlett Pear was a simple farmer. He had always lived a simple life: raising pears on his family’s modest farm in Rocky Ford. If he needed to get from one place to the other, he either walked or took the train. Never in his wildest dreams did he imagine being magically teleported anywhere.
It was so strange. First, he was standing in the middle of a dirt road. The next thing he knew, it felt like something had yanked him right out of his horseshoes and, in a flash, plopped him down somewhere else. That somewhere else proved to be what looked like a…restaurant?
Jewel looked around in confusion at the booths and tables full of surprised and curious ponies. “Um…where are we?’
“I dunno.” Applespike sniffed the air. “Smells like a…bakery.”
“Yo! What is this?” an irate voice cried out. They looked to the speaker. He was a light beige, unicorn stallion wearing a white uniform and baker’s cap.
“Donut Joe!”
Applespike face hoofed. “All the landmarks in Canterlot, and you had to bring us to the Donut Shop?” he snapped.
The chaotic colt gave a tired shrug. “I was hungry.”
“Don’t start, you two,” said Jewel before Applespike could retort. “The important thing is we are safe and in Canterlot. We just need to get out of here and—"
“Hey! You’re not going anywhere little lady!” said Donut Joe, stepping from behind the counter to block their path. “Not until you get him and that—that—wagon thing outta here.”
“Wagon!” They all turned to look where Joe was pointing. Sure enough, there was Big Bart’s wagon, still loaded and still attached to its owner. Zany slumped down in a heap on the floor.
“Ugh! No wonder I’m so tired,” he groaned. “Teleporting all that extra weight.”
“This is why I don’t allow ponies to teleport into the restaurant!” Donut Joe continued his rant. He walked around the big Earth stallion and his wagon. “You could have crushed one of my customers, dropping in like this!”
“We are very sorry,” said Jewel, using her most gracious voice. “We did not mean to inconvenience you. I promise, we will remove it immediately.”
Applespike studied the shop's front door, measuring it with his eyes. “Uh, I don’t think the wagon is gonna fit through here,” he murmured low.
“I could teleport it out,” said Zany doubtfully.
“NO!” Big Bart snorted, planting his hooves on the tiles as though he were about to be dragged to prison. “No teleportin’!” Zany, for once, didn’t try to argue.
“Maybe you could widen the door,” suggested Jewel. “Like the way you raised the ceiling in the palace.”
Zany grinned. “Yeah,” he said, rising up. “I think I can do that.”
“Whoa, now wait a minute,” Donut Joe started, but Zany was already working his spell. He stood on his hind legs and pointed his front hooves at the door. His eyes glowed white as his magic gathered around the portal. Ponies nearest the exit quickly moved out of the way. Slowly, Zany spread his hooves as though he were parting an invisible curtain. Slowly, the door’s frame began to stretch and widen, scrunching the walls like an accordion as it did so.
"Great Luna in the sky!" the baker pony groaned, covering his eyes with his hooves.
Applespike stood behind Zany, giving him guidance. "A little wider," he whispered. “A little more…A little more...That’s good! Right there!”
Zany held his position as the dragon-pony guided Big Bart and the wagon out the door. Once they were safely in the street, Zany slowly moved his hooves together, shrinking the door and smoothing the walls back to their original shape.
Donut Joe nearly collapsed in relief, while his customers cheered. Only Jewel noticed that the chaotic colt was breathing hard and sweating.
“Are you all right, Zany?” she asked.
“Yeah," he managed to gasp. "I just... overdid it. Teleporting... all that weight. And then I had to... work that spell on the door…”
“I understand,” said Jewel gently, patting his shoulder. Magical exhaustion: when a magic user pushes him or herself beyond their limit. She had seen a few unicorns at the school suffer from it after trying a difficult spell. But this was the first time she had seen Zany affected with it.
“Poor thing,” she said. “Sit and rest for a moment. I’ll be right back.”
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“To get some donuts, of course,” Jewel giggled. “You think I’m going to let a chance like this pass me by?”
Zany nodded. He closed his eyes and took deep, cleansing breaths while he waited. It had been a long time since he had suffered from Magical Exhaustion. Not since the time he had accidentally caused an avalanche of strawberry ice cream on a mountain outside Ponyville and had to save the town by catching it in a giant waffle cone. There were a lot of tummy aches in Ponyville that night.
Jewel returned, skipping happily while levitating a white paper bag. “Come on, let’s join the others.”
They found Applespike and Big Bart patiently waiting for them. Jewel opened her bag and hoofed out donuts to everyone.
“I’ve been wanting one of these for years!” she said, levitating a triple chocolate fudge donut with rainbow sprinkles. Her eyes rolled up in ecstasy as she bit into it. “Mmmmm!Sooooo goooooood!”
“So, where do we go from here?” asked Zany around a mouthful of chocolate-chip donut.
“We go to Twilight’s Tower,” replied Applespike. “Twinkle said she could take it from there.”
Zany chuckled. He was feeling less tired and more like his old self. “Yeah. I’d like to see what old Twinkle Toes has in mind.”
“I can guide us there,” said Jewel, smiling mischievously. “A group of us used to sneak out at night and go adventuring, so I know a lot of back ways.”
“Ahem! ”
All three ponies turned to look at Big Bart.
“Um, Market?” he asked pointedly.
“Oh, I’m sorry! Down that way.” Jewel pointed to a nearby street. “Keep going straight, three blocks, and you’ll see it. And Mr. Big Bart,” she added, placing a hoof on his massive shoulder. “Thank you so much for all your help.”
Big Bart smiled and tipped his hat in response.
"Yeah," Zany added. "You're a great shot with a money bag."
“We couldn’t have saved Jewel without you, that's for sure” muttered Applespike, looking at the pavement. It felt awkward for him to be thankful to a member of the Pear family. "We appreciate it."
The green stallion cocked his eye at the dragon-pony, studying him for a moment.
“Who are your folks?” he asked suddenly.
Applespike was surprised at the question. “Uh, my Ma is Applejack and my Pa is Spike the Dragon. They’re from Sweet Apple Acres in Ponyville.”
“Thought so,” said Big Bart, smiling sadly. “I knew your Grandma Buttercup. She was a wonderful mare.”
Applespike’s mouth dropped open in surprise. How? How could a Pear have known his Grandma Buttercup? The big stallion had to be about the same age as Big Mac, and all the Pears in Ponyville had moved away before he was born.
“How-how-how did you….”
“Better ask your Granny,” Big Bart answered quietly. With a final nod to the group, he headed down the street Jewel had shown him and was soon lost to sight among the buildings.
“Wow,” Zany muttered as he watched the stallion disappear. “This rescue is turning into a real soap opera.”
“A what?” asked Jewel.
“Never mind.”
“Maybe we should head on out,” said Applespike. “I’ll feel better once we’re safe at Twinkle’s.”
Jewel guided them down a nearby street then turned into a shaded alley. They carefully sidestepped around the garbage cans and ducked under the huge leaves of an elephant ear plant somepony had allowed to grow wild.
“Good grief,” muttered Applespike as he freed himself from a vine hanging from a third-floor balcony. “You used to come this way at night ?”
“Well, not by myself,” answered Jewel, grinning. “It was a group of us, mostly first-year students, out for a little adventure. Some of the colts liked to slip away to watch the pegasi street racers, but most of us went to the donut shop.”
“Pegasi street racers?” Zany murmured, looking around at the tall buildings that turned the streets into narrow canyons. “I bet that would be cool.”
The colts followed Jewel as she turned down another street then ducked into another alley. The alley came out on a pleasant street with ivy covered walls. Lush ferns decorated front steps and bright flowers grew in window boxes.
“This way leads to the campus,” Jewel told them. “I don’t know the name of the street, we just called it Flower Row because of all the window boxes. The Canterlot Culinary College is on the right, up here.”
They glanced at the grand ivy-covered arch with the sign shaped like a golden cooking pot. Jewel and Applespike continued on, but Zany paused for a moment to rest. The delicious aroma of something spicy and savory wafted into the street. Zany breathed in deeply. Mmmmm! Spicy marinara with garlic bread! Soooo gooood!
Zany didn’t realize his body was floating until his head hit the arch. “Ouch!” He rubbed his head ruefully. “Stupid stones,” he muttered as he slowly lowered himself to the street. “Why do they have to be so hard?”
A bubbling giggle from the other side of the ivy-covered wall made him look up in annoyance. Was somepony laughing at him? The giggle was followed by a masculine chuckle.
“You are so silly sometimes, my little sweet bun,” a stallion’s voice murmured, low and intimate.
Zany grinned mischievously. Sounded like somepony was having a little rendezvous in the cooking school’s courtyard.
“And you are so sweet, Gulliand,” she murmured.
Zany’s eyes went wide. Cinnamon Roll!
Gulliand chuckled again. Gently, he combed his talons through Cinnamon Roll’s creamy hair. The filly closed her eyes, sighing pleasurably.
“Zany, what are you doing?”
The chaotic colt almost jumped out of his skin as Applespike suddenly appeared next to him.
“We’ve got to get Jewel to Twilight’s Tower as soon as we can! We don’t have time for—”
His rant was cut off as Zany seized his muzzle and turned him towards the scene in the courtyard. The dragon-pony gave a muffled squeak, his eyes bugging at the sight. The Griffon’s head was bowed over the little mare, his eyes shut as he enjoyed the intimate connection. Slowly, Cinnamon Roll slid a hoof up his neck. It was then Applespike noticed the silver band on her brown ankle. The dragon-pony frowned. Since when did his sister wear jewelry?
“What is that thing she's got on?” he hissed.
“That’s a Promise Bracelet,” whispered Jewel, slipping up next to him.
“A what?”
“A Promise Bracelet,” Jewel repeated. “Stallions sometimes give them to their Special Someponies as a token of their love." She gave a happy heartfelt sigh. "It’s usually a precursor to an engagement ring.”
“Engagement!” the dragon-pony choked on the word.
Zany quietly snickered. “Looks like we might both be uncles soon,” he whispered, giving his friend a playful nudge.
“Excuse me?” said Jewel, looking at Zany quizzically .
“We’ll tell you later,” whispered Applespike who was becoming very uncomfortable. “We need to get outta here before one of them sees—URK!”
All three members of the Chaotic Three stared dumbfounded as Cinnamon Roll lazily raised her head and kissed the Griffon on the end of his sharp, curved beak. Gulliand’s talon cupped her head, holding it in place as the kiss deepened.
“Wow,” breathed Zany. “Looks like Griffons can kiss, after all.”
“W-w-we really should go,” said Jewel, blushing furiously. “Come on.” She herded Zany back into the street, but Applespike lingered, unable to tear his eyes away from the sight.
“WHEEET! ” He jumped as a bird burst noisily from the thick ivy near his head. Cinnamon Roll and Gulliand jerked away from each other, looking around wildly. Applespike ducked but not before his sister managed to lock eyes with him.
“APPLESPIKE?”
“Oh, manure pile!” The dragon-pony took off at a full gallop. Behind him he could hear Cinnamon Roll's angry yells.
"That better not be you, Applespike! I'll tan your hide, sneaking around like that!"
He zoomed past Zany and Jewel "Run for your life!" he called over his shoulder. "Cinnamon's coming!"
An ear-splitting screech like a cross between an eagle's shriek and a lion’s roar sounded behind them, followed by the heavy beat of wings.
“Oh, Tartarus!” muttered Zany, breaking into a run. “Heads up! We got Griffon problems!”
“Don’t go straight!” Jewel called as she galloped after them. “Turn left onto that side street up ahead.”
They took the turn and found themselves in what looked like a small park. There was a stone bench surrounded by small trees growing in large ornate urns. Large ferns hung from sconces set in the walls. Glossy bushes covered in fragrant pink camellias formed a living privacy fence. Nearby, a small fountain quietly trickled water into a stone basin. It was a soothing, tranquil place but the Chaotic Three only had one thing on their minds.
“This way!” said Jewel. "If we turn right at the next street, it'll bring us to--UH OH!"
They screeched to a halt as a large winged shadow dropped down at the far end of the street, blocking their get away. The little unicorn quickly shoved the colts behind the camellias.
“Quick! Hide! ”she hissed.
Cinnamon Roll barreled full speed onto the street. Her hooves scraped the cobbles as she slid to a halt in the little park. She looked around, panting heavily. There was no sign of the guilty colt; just a unicorn filly wearing a traveling cloak sitting on a bench calmly eating a donut.
"Excuse me," she said addressing the filly. "Did you happen to see a dragon-pony bolt through here?"
The little unicorn just shrugged and shook her hooded head.
Cinnamon Roll snorted in frustration. Gulliand quickly glided over to her.
“There are too many awnings on these streets,” he complained. “I thought I saw two colts run this way but I lost sight of them.”
“I’ll bet the other colt was Zany,” Cinnamon Roll growled. “Probably practicing one of his teleporting spells. I ought to skin him alive!”
The brown filly prowled around the park, looking behind the pots, peering into the camellias, and peeking under the ferns. She glanced under the stone bench but didn’t see anything. The little unicorn just sat and continued to eat her donut.
“I suppose they got away,” said Gulliand after a while. “Perhaps they teleported somewhere else?”
“Maybe,” Cinnamon Roll snorted, stomping her hoof. “That didn’t even occur to me! Grrrr!”
She glanced up at the Griffon and noticed the concern in his eyes. She dropped her head, feeling very sheepish. “I’m sorry, flying off the handle like this. I bet you think I'm crazy."
“It’s all right,” said Gulliand soothingly. He put a wing over her and drew her close. “I'm a Griffon. We invented flying off the handle.”
"I'm not even sure that really was Applespike we were chasing," Cinnamon Roll murmured as she leaned into him. "But it sure looked like him."
"Of course, Cherie ," he murmured back. Slowly, he escorted her from the park. "Come, let us go back. It's almost time for that lecture on Japonese cuisine."
The little unicorn watched them until they disappeared around the corner.
“You can come out now. They’re gone.”
“Thank Celestia!” gasped Zany. He and Applespike tumbled stiffly from under the stone bench. The chaotic colt lay sprawled on the cobbles, sweat dripping from his forehead. “I didn’t think I could hold that invisibility spell much longer.”
“You sure had me worried,” said Applespike, stretching himself. “We were flickering in and out like a lighting bug towards the end there.”
Jewel looked down at Zany. “Are you sure you're all right?” she asked, worriedly.
“I will be,” the chaotic colt grinned. “Nothing a little rest and a donut can’t fix.”
Jewel rolled her eyes and gave them another donut apiece. The two happily munched while Jewel kept watch. Luckily, neither Cinnamon Roll or Gulliand returned for another look.
“Mmmm, that was good,” Applespike murmured as he licked the last traces of sugar from his lips. “How many of those did you get, by the way?”
“An even dozen,” Jewel replied, primly snatching up the bag and tucking it under her cloak. “I'm saving the rest for when we reach Twinkle's.”
“Well, that's all the incentive I need!” said Zany, rising to his hooves. “Let’s go!”
Jewel went first, peeking cautiously around the corner. Seeing the coast was clear, she motioned for the colts to follow her. Quickly, they trotted down Flower Row until they reached the School for Gifted Unicorns campus. Applespike and Zany were very impressed. The school building was shaped like an enormous house with rows of arched windows and three pointed towers shaped like witches' hats. Colorful swirls decorated the roof. Zany closed his eyes. He could feel the magic flowing and popping inside it.
"Come on," said Jewel, guiding them to a broad walkway that bypassed the building. "Twilight's Tower is this way."
The three received some odd looks from a few unicorn students, but no one bothered them. Jewel kept her hood pulled up to hide her well-known face. Applespike and Zany flanked her on either side, nodding politely to passersby. Zany had to flash his fang at a colt who showed too much curiosity in Jewel. The colt blanched then quickly turned away. Jewel trotted a little faster.
"That's it, up ahead!"
She led them to a tall alabaster tower with a golden onion-shaped dome. A stone staircase leading to the top wound around the building. Jewel didn't pause, but rushed up the steps two at a time. Since wakening from her nightmare the previous night, her only goal had been to reach Canterlot and the safety of Twilight's old home. She could hardly believe she had made it! It seemed incredible! Wonderful! Freedom!
She rang the doorbell, dancing in eagerness. After what seemed like a long time, the door opened.
"What's going on?" asked a sleepy-eyed Twinkle Sparkle. "You know I always sleep late after a night lesson."
"It's me, Twinkle!" cried Jewel. "It's me! I made it! I really made it!"
The little alicorn rubbed her eyes and squinted at the unicorn filly. "JEWEL?"
"Yes! Yes! It's me! I made it!" Jewel flung her arms around Twinkle's neck and sobbed into her fur. "I really made it!"
Twinkle held her close and patted her back comfortingly. "I'm glad you did," she murmured.
The sounds of clattering hooves and wheezing pants made her look up. Applespike appeared, slowly followed by a trembling and totally exhausted Zany.
"Too...many steps," he wheezed. "Need...elevator!"
"Zany? Applespike? What are you doing here?" asked Twinkle. "Where is Discord? And Aunt Rarity and Uncle Fancy Pants?"
Applespike bit his lip and looked guiltily at the ground. "Oops."
"You FORGOT!" the little alicorn glared at him over Jewel's shoulder. "Jewel's parents are the two most important ponies we need AND YOU FORGOT!"
"Well, Discord wan't home," he explained nervously. "Then we checked the magic mirror and saw Jewel was in danger so we went to rescue her...and...well, it's just been one thing after another... But don't worry!" he added as Twinkle's frown deepened. "We'll find a way to fix this. I promise!"
"In the meantime," said Zany, reaching under Jewel's cloak to retrieve the bakery bag. "Care for a donut?"
The Chaotic Three: A Zany Story
“Blast it!”
Goodnight glared up at the transparent pink shield that engulfed the tower.
“So much for the element of surprise. What do you make of it, Fair Weather?” he asked, turning to the yellow unicorn.
Fair Weather studied the pink bubble and shrugged. “It’s just a standard anti-teleporting spell, similar to the one we use.” He stepped forward and gently poked the shield with his horn. “Should be easy enough to break—”
CRACK! BOOM! A bolt of blue lightning shot into the unicorn, shocking him and throwing him backwards. Mountain Mist regarded his stunned companion.
“You were saying?” he smirked.
“So, it has a defense mechanism built in,” Fair Weather coughed. He stood up and shook the singed hairs from his mane. “That draconequess halfling is smarter than I thought. This may take a little while.”
“Get to work, then,” said Goodnight. “We’ll guard you. As soon as it goes down, we’ll all teleport in. You both remember the plan?”
“Yes,” replied Fair Weather. “You take the draconequess. I handle the dragon-pony. Mountain Mist grabs Jewel and teleports out.”
“Assuming the little hussy is still there,” Mountain Mist growled. “She could have teleported out before the shield went up.”
“Are you forgetting the locator spell?” asked Goodnight, motioning to a tiny object floating in the air above them. It was a hair barrette with a purple pentagon-shaped jewel on one end. It bumped against the shield like a bee trying to get at a flower.
“Just look at it!” Goodnight grinned. “Do you think it would be trying so hard to get in if its owner wasn’t here?”
“Oh! So that’s how you found us so quickly!”
Goodnight cried out in dismay as the barrette disappeared with a pop. He looked around frantically, but all he saw was a flower bed and a small fountain with a statue of a pony squirting water from its mouth.
“Show yourself, you half-breed draconequess brat!” Goodnight bellowed, lighting up his horn.
“Awww! How did you know it was me?”
The voice was coming from the fountain! Goodnight turned in time to see the gray stone statue turn its head and spray water in his face. The unicorn quickly shook off the water and fired his horn. The fountain exploded, sending gray stone flying in all directions.
“Hey, no need to be so mad,” Zany taunted, appearing on Goodnight’s back. “Just be happy I was a spitting fountain and not a pee--”
“Get off of me!” The silver maned unicorn reared and bucked. Zany held on tight, digging his hooves into Goodnight’s ribs.
“Yeeeehah!” he cried, sporting a Stetson hat similar to Applejack’s. “Ride ‘em cowpony!”
ZING! A green beam of magic shot past his head, startling him. He let go of Goodnight and leaped into the air where he hovered like a hummingbird. Mountain Mist took aim and fired a volley of green bolts at him. Zany quickly threw up a shield, grunting as the blast sent him careening backwards.
Tartarus! These guys don’t fool around!
He vanished in a POOF of pink magic.
Mountain Mist and Goodnight stood back to back and looked around cautiously.
“Come out and fight!” Goodnight bellowed. “We know what to expect from you!”
“Ha! But, no pony expects the MANE-ISH INQUISTION!”
The burly unicorns whirled around and saw three identical gray colts with swirling eyes dressed in long, flowing red robes and wide brimmed hats.
“Put ‘em on the rack!” cried the first figure.
POP! A gigantic dish rack appeared under the startled ponies. Snarling, Goodnight blasted it away. He had no sooner freed himself when he was assaulted by a flock of flying sofa cushions.
“Now for the comfy chair!” cried the next red-robed figure.
An overstuffed arm chair appeared under Mountain Mist, the arms grabbing him around the waist and holding him tight. POP! The green maned unicorn teleported out of the chair’s grip then shot a vicious green spell at the three red-cloaked Zanys. The draconequess dodged just in time as his doppelgangers vanished into mist.
“What’s the matter?” he asked. “You don’t like Monty Piebald’s Flying Circus?
“Enough of this!” Goodnight blasted away the sofa cushions, sending up a thick cloud of feathers and fluff. “I believe it is time for the secret weapon.”
“Are you sure?” asked Mountain Mist, frowning. “I thought you wanted to wait until we were inside?”
Goodnight growled. “I don’t think I can wait until we’re inside! I want to punish that little freak—”
“You do realize I can hear you, right?” asked Zany, reappearing on a low-flying cloud. “I may be a freak but that doesn’t mean I can’t hear, see, taste or smell. Speaking of which, when’s the last time you guys had a bath?”
Zany kicked the cloud causing a deluge of soapy rain to pour down on the unicorns.
“Ow!I can’t see!” cried Mountain Mist, blinking and rubbing the soap from his eyes. Goodnight squinted up at the cloud and the grinning draconequess. He blinked the water from his eyes and took careful aim.
ZAP! Zany threw himself backwards as a gray-green bolt tore a sizable hole in his cloud.
That’s weird , he thought. I thought his aura was yellow.
Another bolt ripped past his left hoof, startling him from his thoughts. He teleported away just before a third bolt struck the cloud, utterly disintegrating it.
“Blast it!” Goodnight roared, his body shaking in fury. “I just KNEW I had him!”
“Goodnight! Mountain Mist! I’ve got it!” cried Fair Weather. The two dark unicorns looked at him expectantly. There was a flash of pale yellow magic and the pink shield flickered out. “Get ready to teleport!”
“Oh, no you don’t!”
Fair Weather fell back on his haunches as the shield popped back up, glowing pinker than ever. The yellow unicorn scrambled to his feet and shot another beam at the shield. It flickered out again but quickly came back up.
Zany appeared between Fair Weather and the shield, sporting a long white beard and holding a great wooden staff.
“You shall not pass,” he said gravely.
The unicorn snarled and shot another yellow beam at the tower. Zany swung his staff like a baseball bat, knocking the spell into the sky.
“And it’s a home run for the home team!” he bellowed.
Mountain Mist joined the fray, firing his vicious green bolts at the draconequess. Zany grunted as he batted these away as well. Fair Weather took advantage of the distraction to deactivate the shield again. Zany cursed and quickly reactivated it with a kick of his hoof.
These unicorns are really asking for it.
He levitated above them, holding the staff menacingly over his head. His eyes glowed white and lightning shot from his body. He glared down at the three unicorns and spoke in a deep echoing voice.
“YOU SHALL NOT PA—”
ZAP! A gray-green bolt of magic struck him square in the chest, slamming him against the tower hard. Zany collapsed to the ground lying on his back. He tried to rise but collapsed back as a mounting dizziness filled his head. What’s wrong with me? I need to get up! His stomach churned sickeningly. He felt hot. And so, so very weak.
“Bullseye!” a triumphant voice cried.
Zany lifted his head but had to drop it back down to keep from throwing up.
“W-w-what?” he managed to gasp.
“Like my spell?” asked Goodnight, leaning down to grin in his face. “I had it designed it especially for you. I call it Eau de Tazlwurm.”
Tazlwurm! Zany closed his eyes and whimpered. The one thing with the power to stop even a full grown draconequess! He heard Fair Weather deactivating the shield, but there was nothing he could do to stop him. Never had he felt so miserable and helpless.
“All clear,” said Fair Weather. “Get ready to teleport!”
Zany groaned as he felt himself being magically lifted. Goodnight chuckled darkly.
“Feeling miserable?” he asked. “Don’t worry. You’ll have company soon enough.”
The tower loft was dim. Thick dark curtains covered all but the highest windows. A flash of emerald green aura yanked them back, letting in the afternoon sun.
“Thank you, Mountain Mist,” said Goodnight graciously.
The three unicorns looked around them cautiously, their horns charged and ready for action. Their eyes took in every detail of the loft: the books, the shelves, Twinkle’s bed, and the sparse furnishings that made up the living space. There was no sign of anything--or any pony-- else. Zany whimpered as Goodnight dumped him roughly on the floor.
“Spread out and search,” Goodnight ordered. “Make sure you scan using your invisibility detector spell. And watch out for that dragon-pony thing. I’m sure he’s up here, too.”
Slowly the stallions walked around the loft. A beam of light shone from their horns like different colored flashlights. Zany could only guess these were the invisibility detection spells. Mountain Mist scanned the little kitchenette and the dining area. Goodnight shined his spell over the bookshelves and the curtains. Fair Weather checked the closets and the bathroom.
Zany lay where he was. His body ached but he no longer felt hot and his stomach had finally stopped churning. Could the spell be wearing off? Could he work his magic? He noticed a quill laying on the floor nearby. He tried to levitate it but fell back, exhausted. Nope. Not yet.
Meanwhile, Mountain Mist had made his way to the sofa and was gingerly lifting it with his magic.
WHOOOSH! The black unicorn leaped into the air with a frightened whinny as green flames erupted around his hooves. Applespike surged to his feet, snarling and roaring like an adult dragon. He kicked the upended sofa with his powerful hind legs, sending it flying on top of Mountain Mist.
Goodnight struck the dragon-pony with his gray-green Tazlwurm spell.
“Gotcha!” he cried triumphantly. His glee was short-lived. Applespike grunted in pain but did not go down. Instead, he spun around and sent the unicorn to the floor with a slap of his dragon tail.
“STOP!”
Applespike roared furiously as Fair Weather’s magic seized him, wrapping around him like vines. He struggled, but the harder he fought, the tighter the vines gripped him. In no time, he was hogtied, gagged, and hung upside down with all four legs in the air.
“Well done, Fair Weather,” said Goodnight, wincing. He rubbed his bruised jaw tenderly. “I forgot. That Tazlwurm spell only works on magic users. Oh, well…” He lifted Zany so the draconequess was hanging in mid-air next his friend. “I think it’s time we had a little chat with you boys.”
Zany managed a cheeky grin. “Okay, I’ll start. Sooo…you think the Cowponies are going to the Super Ball this year?" He winced as Goodnight administered a stinging zap on the end of his nose.
“Let me be more specific. Where is Jewel?”
“Sheeth gawn,” Applespike managed to mumble through his gag.
“Gone?” said Goodnight, pretending to sound surprised. “My dear boy, we know she was in here after your friend’s shield went up. And he certainly didn’t have the power to teleport her after it went down.”
Applespike shook his head.“Sheeth did hit huhsef!”
All three unicorns chuckled at his answer. “Oh, please! That stupid filly couldn’t teleport across a room, let alone out of one.”
“Jewel is not stupid!” Zany spat indignantly. “She’s the smartest, most sly, most resourceful filly I have ever known! And if you think we're gonna give her up to you, then you’re the one who’s stupid!” Applespike mumbled in agreement.
The silver haired unicorn grinned at the insult. “Such a pair of noble colts,” he said sweetly. “So loyal! No matter! I know just the thing to bring her out of hiding.”
Goodnight’s horn glowed and a bright orange ball of flame appeared above the colts. “I believe I still owe you for that humiliating hot hoof at the Gala.”
Both colts gulped.The flame was as big as a buck ball. They could feel the heat of it hot on their fur.
“Now, let’s see. Who should go first?” Goodnight teased. “The big-mouthed draconequess…” Zany gritted his teeth as the ball came close to his hooves. “Or a certain filly’s special somepony?” Applespike’s eyes widened in fear.
The unicorn chuckled darkly. The orange flame cast a sinister light across his face. “Oh, this is a no-brainer,” he said and lowered the flame towards Applespike’s defenseless hooves.
Zany laughed. “Wow! You really are stupid!”
Goodnight stopped what he was doing to glare at the draconequess. “Beg your pardon?”
“Look at him, he’s half dragon!” said Zany, rolling his eyes. “Dragons are immune to fire. Everypony knows that!”
Goodnight studied the dragon-pony for a moment. “I do believe you are right,” he conceded. “I would hate to waste this spell on someone who couldn’t feel its effects.” He shifted the flaming ball back to Zany. “Thank you for the information.”
“No! Ith nuh tue!” Applespike mumbled, fighting the restraints. “Peez! Duh bun him!”
“Sorry,” replied Goodnight, grinning ferally as he brought the flame closer to Zany’s exposed feet. “I’ve already made my decision.”
Zany squeezed his eyes shut, gritted his teeth and prepared for the worst.
CLUNK!
Zany opened his eyes at the dull metallic sound. He looked up at his captor and saw the stallion’s eyes rolling back in his head. The ball of flame, as well as the spell holding him, sputtered then went out.
CLUNK!
Fair Weather groaned then toppled over like a felled oak. Applespike felt his magical restraints loosen then dissipate into nothing.
Mountain Mist lit up his horn and looked around desperately for whatever it was that had laid his companions out. Only Zany and Applespike saw the frying pan floating directly behind him.
SLAP!
Mountain Mist yelled as the pan smacked his flank hard. He whirled around but the pan followed him.
SLAP!
Another painful smack landed right on his cutie mark. The colts laughed as the unicorn spun around like a dog chasing its tail, trying to get away from the flying frying pan. No matter which way he turned, it stayed on his tail.
“You’ve been a bad, bad pony,” a sweet tinkling voice chided, the pan striking Mountain Mist’s bottom on every syllable. “A-very, very- bad- lit-tle- po-ny.”
“Where are you?” Mountain Mist bellowed. “Show yourself, you little wench!”
“Goodness, I see you still don’t know how to properly address a lady!”
The big unicorn looked up to see Jewel standing on one of the rafters. He bared his teeth as he fired up his horn.
CLUNK!
Mountain Mist went down in a heap, a lump forming on the back of his head. Jewel teleported to the floor and looked disdainfully at the unconscious unicorns.
“And for your information, I can teleport across a room. I just can’t teleport out of one.” She turned to her friends. “Are you two okay? They didn’t hurt you, did they?”
“Just my pride,” replied Applespike, rubbing the back of his neck. “I wasn’t exactly expecting you to have to rescue us .”
Zany chuckled.“The damsel rescuing the dragon for a change!”
“Oh, goodness!” cried Jewel, looking at the draconequess. “You don’t look very well at all! What happened?”
“Don’t worry, I’m fine,” Zany replied, rising shakily to his hooves. “Goodnight hit me with a Tazlwurm spell, but it seems to be wearing off. Still can’t use my magic yet, though.”
“I hope you’re okay to run,” said Applespike, throwing open the door. “We need to get out of here before they recover.”
“Too late, dragon whelp!”
The door crashed shut. The three friends turned to see Goodnight rising slowly to his hooves.
“You are coming back with us, little Missy, if it is the last thing we do!”
“And it will be!”
Applespike tossed a small white object that bounced off the unicorn’s nose and landed softly at his feet. Goodnight glanced down at it.
“A marshmallow?” he snorted derisively. “That all you got, freak?”
Zany pushed Jewel down. “Duck! Quack-quack!”
KA-BLOOP!
A literal Mount Hoofsuvius of sticky, gooey marshmallow exploded in all directions, coating everything in a thick layer of sugary whiteness. It covered the walls, the books, the furniture, and all three unicorns. Goodnight roared as he pawed at the sticky confection that covered his eyes. He could hear the sound of the door opening and hooves clopping on stone.
“NO!” He lunged but fell face first into an enormous bank of marshmallow goo.
"NO! You're not getting away this easily! I'll get you, Jewel! I will make you pay for this!"
But the Chaotic Three were too far away to hear.
Author's Note
I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. Most of it was figuring what to leave out.
I do want to note, that when I first started writing this story, I had only read Bride of Discord, Daughter of Discord, and Son-in-Law of Discord. I had not read the other side stories like: CMC: the Next Generation. So, my character ideas are very different from DF's. I am currently reading CMC now.
The Chaotic Three: A Zany Story
A small crowd of local residents, unicorn students, and faculty were gathered on the lawn near Twilight’s Tower. The students stood apart from the grown-ups, murmuring to each other.
"What's going on?"
“Don't know. I just heard an explosion and then a pink aura appeared around the tower.”
“Probably Twinkle practicing potions again,” a filly snorted, rolling her eyes.
“I don't know," said a studious looking colt wearing thick black framed glasses. "I thought I heard a voice say 'You shall not pass'."
The filly snorted again. “You sure that wasn’t the Potions professor talking to you?”
“Oh, Ha-Ha!”
None of those gathered noticed the three teen-aged ponies who disappeared down an alley between two nearby buildings.
Jewel led the way, following the cobbled street as it wound its way past several upscale buildings. She knew this neighborhood all too well. This was the elite district, where her father had once lived. The houses here were beautiful, many of them built from the same materials as the royal palace, and intricately designed. One mansion, in particular, sported a porch with tall, fluted marble columns and a statue of Princesses Celestia and Luna on each side. It had a horseshoe shaped drive and a flowerbed full of orange roses and white day-lilies. Jewel stopped in front of the mansion’s black iron gate.
“I believe we’re far enough away, now,” she panted. “We can rest.”
“Thank Celestia!” Zany flopped down, leaning against the fence. He was breathing heavily. Sweat poured from his forehead. Jewel looked at him worriedly.
“How do you feel? Are you still weak?”
Zany shook his head. “No. I’m just not used to running everywhere like this. Man, I hate being without my magic!”
“You might want to build up your strength," said Applespike, smiling mischievously. "Twinkle did suggest I get you a job bucking apples.”
“Gee, thanks,” Zany replied sarcastically, giving his friend a dirty look. “Sheesh! Like I’m the first colt to ever drop a filly on the dance floor.”
“Shhh! Keep it down, you two,” Jewel hushed them. “This is an elite neighborhood. I don’t want the gatekeeper chasing us away.”
“So, where are we going?” asked Zany, lowering his voice. “We sure can’t go back to the tower. And what about Twinkle? She’s gonna freak when she finds us gone. Not that I’d mind seeing that…” he added with a grin.
“I sent her a message right after you put up the shield,” said Applespike. "To let her know Goodnight and his gang were at the tower.”
“Did you hear back from her?”
“Not yet,” Applespike replied, looking worried. “I hope the message was able to get through the shield.”
Zany considered. “No reason why it shouldn’t. The shield only blocked anyone from entering the tower. It wouldn’t stop a magic message from being delivered.”
“I hope she contacts us soon,” said Jewel, glancing nervously down the empty street. “They’ll be after us before long. Nothing keeps Goodnight and his team down for long.”
“I don’t know,” said Applespike, thoughtfully. “That Marshmallow Bomb stuff is pretty hard to get rid of unless you know how.” He grinned. “I remember it took Zany almost all night to get all the foals and parents unstuck after Nightmare Night.”
“And if Goodnight and his crew do get loose, they’ll still have to find us,” Zany added. “Which will be hard to do, considering I interrupted their locator spell.” He held up the purple jeweled barrette for them to see. Gently, he brushed back Jewel’s mane and slid it into place. “We should be okay for a while.”
“Thank you, Zany,” Jewel murmured gratefully.
“Just what do you think you are doing here?”
The Chaotic Three almost jumped out of their fur. Standing on the other side of the black iron gate was a tall unicorn stallion wearing a gray gatekeeper’s uniform. He glowered down at them, his nose wrinkling.
“This is a private residence,” he coldly informed them. “You need to move on.”
“We are so sorry,” said Jewel, using her most regal voice. “We didn’t mean to be a bother. We were only resting…”
“Then I suggest you rest somewhere else,” the gatekeeper interrupted brusquely. “This is a private residence.”
“Excuse me,” said Applespike coolly, his country accent becoming thicker and slower. “But we ain’t on your property. This here’s a public street and you don’t have the right to chase us off of it.”
“This gate is private property,” replied the gatekeeper, sniffing as if he smelled something bad. “And you are blocking the drive.”
“Blocking?” asked Zany. He looked pointedly up and down the street then between the iron bars of the gate. “I don’t see anyone trying to get in or out.”
“That is neither here or there!” The gatekeeper picked up a stout stick with his magic and poked the colts through the bars. “Now move along!”
“Boys, please,” Jewel hissed, trying regain control of the situation. She smiled politely to the stallion. “I am so sorry. We will—OH!”
She cried out as the stick roughly struck her on the shoulder. Applespike bared his teeth, his eyes glowed bright green.
“That tore it!”
WHOOSH! The gatekeeper let out a frightened whinny as a bright green flame suddenly turned his stick to ash.
“ARGH! Call the police! Call the Royal Guard! Call the—”
“Oh, zip it!” snarled Zany, waving his hoof.
“UMF!” A zipper appeared on the stallion’s mouth.
“Wow,” said Zany, looking at his hooves in surprise. “Looks like I’m back in business!”
The frightened stallion fled to the gatehouse and slammed the door. Jewel grabbed her friends galloped with them down another street. They passed other mansions, some with iron gates and some without, but they did not stop. Finally, they reached a small plaza with a large white marble fountain. The three sat on the downwind side and let the mist cool them off.
“Well,” said Applespike, after a while. “I always wondered why your Daddy was so willing to up and leave Canterlot for Ponyville. Now, I know.”
“It is beautiful,” replied Jewel, looking around sadly. “But some of the ponies here can be quite cruel. They treated my mother badly and were mean to Gemstone. That’s why Daddy moved the family to Ponyville.”
“This town needs an anemone!” cried Zany, blowing on a noise maker.
Both Jewel and Applespike looked at him strangely. “What would they do with a spiky sea critter?”
The draconequess rolled his eyes. “No, no! One of those things that makes you go to the bathroom. You know--”
“We get it! We get it!”
Zany sighed and leaned his head against the cool marble. “So, what do we do? Move on or just wait for a message from Twinkle?”
BRAAAAAAP! As if on cue, Applespike belched. A few nearby ponies turned up their noses in disgust. In front of him lay a folded piece of notepaper. Jewel picked it up and opened it.
“It’s from Twinkle!” she said excitedly.
“No kidding,” Zany muttered. “So, what does it say?”
“Sorry for the delay. I was out of parchment. I had to borrow this from the pony at the ticket office. If you must leave the tower, head towards the palace. Don’t try to go in one of the main entrances. Dad’s back in Ponyville and none of the guards know you. Cut through the Canterlot Gardens to the back of the palace. There’s a service door there. It’s usually guarded by an older pony named Silver Spear. He’s a close friend of Dad’s. Just tell him that you’re friends with Twinkle Sparkle and he should let you in.
Signed Twinkle Sparkle
PS: Don’t do anything to get Silver Spear in trouble. I mean it, ZANY!”
“Humph! As if I would ever do such a thing!” Zany snorted indignantly, a halo appearing over his head.
“Do you know how to get to the Canterlot Gardens from here?” Applespike asked Jewel.
The little unicorn stood up, tossing her mane back as she examined the different avenues around the plaza.
“That street over there,” she said, pointing to a broad road across from them. “That should take us to the main entrance.”
The Canterlot Garden was one of the most popular tourist sites in Canterlot. The beautiful combination of seasonal flowers and striking artwork made it must-see for school field trips, artists, and plant enthusiasts alike. It was too late in the day for any school field trips, but there were still plenty of tourists to blend in with. One large group was made up of elderly mares wearing floppy straw hats. Every last one of them had some kind of flower for a cutie mark.
“Wow,” Applespike murmured to Zany. “I haven’t seen this many old mares since Granny’s last birthday party.”
“It’s the Equestrian Garden Club,” Zany murmured back. “Mom’s a member of the Ponyville Division.”
Jewel sandwiched herself between her two friends and they all slipped past the gate unnoticed. They followed the stone path past beautiful displays of flowers and statuary. Jewel gazed at the grand statue of a mare standing on her back legs while proudly waving a flag. The sweet smell of roses and the heavier perfume of gardenias hung in the air. The little unicorn sighed, wishing she could stop and enjoy it.
“Well, well, looky here,” said Applespike, stopping suddenly.
They had reached a fork in the path. In front of them was a tall stone pedestal with no statue on it. Applespike pointed to a plaque below it.
Here once stood the stone statue of Discord the Draconequess. Disharmony freed him from his prison but love freed his heart. Let this empty pedestal bear testimony to the freedom only true love can bring.
“How sweet,” murmured Jewel.
“Yeah,” said Zany, sniffling a little. “Mushy.”
“Ooooh, Mummy! Look, at the pretty unicorn!”
Jewel froze as a tween-aged filly wearing a pink pinafore and holding a flower shaped balloon pointed her out to a middle-aged mare.
“Look, Mummy! She looks just like that pretty model from the magazines!”
The mare, a fancy unicorn with an expensive saddlebag laid across her back, sighed and gave Jewel only the barest glance.
“Yes, darling, she is pretty. But you know the real Jewel would not be running around Canterlot like that. And certainly not with those two ruffians.” She added with a sniff.
“Let it go, Zany,” Jewel hissed as the draconequess glared after the rude mare. “We don’t want to cause a scene right now.”
“Of course not,” said Zany, grinning meanly. “I promise she won’t find that tarantula in her saddlebag until she gets home.”
“Zany!” Jewel sighed but couldn’t help giggling at her friend. “I do wish I had had time to grab my traveling cloak. I don't want anyone recognizing me and giving us away.”
Applespike tapped his chin thoughtfully.
“I may have just the thing,” he said, reaching into his saddlebag. They watched curiously as he fished out a square of green crystal candy.
Zany laughed. “The Zany-Apple Color Change Candies!”
“The one and only!”
Jewel looked at the candy dubiously. “Um, is that what you gave out at the Gala? That candy that changes the color of your face?”
“Yep. Delicious and safe to eat!” announced Applespike.
“Wears off after two hours or can easily be removed with a simple spell,” added Zany.
“Why do you sound like an advertisement?” Jewel asked, looking at them strangely.
“We’re hoping Granny Smith will give us permission to sell them,” Applespike explained. “We’re still working on our pitch.”
“I see. And how is this going to help?”
“It’ll disguise your face, silly,” said Zany. “Anypony looking at you will think you’re sick and they’ll leave us alone.”
Jewel gave them a deadpan look. “So, I’m supposed to be sick. But, I’m well enough to go for a stroll through the Canterlot Gardens?”
Zany shrugged. “Didn’t say the plan was perfect.”
Jewel sighed. “Oh, all right. Give me the candy. I suppose we can bluff our way through if we have to.”
She levitated the candy into her mouth and sucked on it. It tasted like sour green apples. She couldn’t feel anything happening or sense any magic, but the delighted grins on her friends’ faces told her it was working.
“Whoa, green is definitely not your color,” snickered Applespike.
“And the purple spots make you look like a toadstool,” added Zany.
“I don’t care if it makes me look like a five-headed hydra, as long as no one recognizes me,” replied Jewel, with a prim toss of her mane. “Now, come on. The palace is this way.”
They took the path to the left and trotted in the direction of the royal gate. As Zany predicted, most of the ponies took one look at Jewel’s sickly face and hastily turned away. They had almost reached the garden’s famous hedge maze when they found their way blocked by a group of the same elderly mares they had seen earlier.
“Traffic jam up ahead,” said Zany, conjuring an air horn.
“Don’t you dare!” Jewel punched the draconequess on the shoulder. “You’ll give the poor ladies a heart attack.”
“Let me handle it,” said Applespike, stepping forward.
“Are you sure the Infinite Iris display is this way?” he heard one of the mares ask, holding up a map. “I thought it would be in the greenhouse.”
“Oh, no, darling,” another replied. “It’s near the lily pond along with the new statue of Mage Meadowbrook, the healer.”
“Oh, I’ve heard it’s a lovely statue!” said a mare with a rosebud for a cutie mark. “And that the pond was remade to look like her bayou home!”
“Um, excuse me, ladies!”
The mares ceased talking and looked questioningly at the young dragon-pony standing before them. Applespike smiled and gave a polite bow.
“I’m sorry, but do you mind if me and my friends cut through? We’re in a bit of a hurry.”
“Such a charming young man!” cried the mare with the rosebud cutie mark. “Such lovely manners! Of course, you may come through. Let’s move aside, girls so they can…Oh! My goodness!” The mare gasped in horror as she caught sight of Jewel. “You poor child! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?”
“Oh!” cried Jewel, feeling like a deer caught on the railroad tracks with a fast approaching train. “I…um…”
“It’s all right, ma’am,” Zany cut in smoothly. “She just came in contact with some Poison Joke is all.”
“Poison Joke?” another mare looked at him quizzically. “You must be mistaken, young man. There is no Poison Joke in the Canterlot Gardens. I think she's having an allergic reaction to something.”
“Allergic reaction!” cried a unicorn mare with a lily for a cutie mark. “You cannot mess around with an allergy!” She grabbed Jewel’s face with her hooves. “Can you breathe, darling? Do you feel dizzy? Is there any swelling? I’ve got an Equi-Pen in my purse if you need it.”
“Oh, no! No! No! No!” cried Jewel, pulling away. “My breathing is fine, thank you.”
“Are you sure, dear?” asked the mare levitating a rather large hypodermic needle. “I really don’t mind--”
“SPIDERS!”
The ladies of the Equestrian Garden Club screamed as a swarm of inky black spiders suddenly appeared from the grass at their feet and attempted to climb their legs. The mares forgot all about Jewel as they reared and bucked like colts at a rodeo, trying to shake off the spiders before galloping away. The spiders chased them a little way before melting back into the grass from which they came.
Jewel gave Zany a look.
The chaotic colt just shrugged. “Well, at least we know their hearts are okay.”
“Aha! There they are!"
Goodnight and his cohorts appeared amid the chaos of the stampeding mares. A small velvet bag floated in front of them.
Jewel gasped. “My bit bag! Oh, no!”
The three stallions broke into a run.
“This way! Into the maze!” cried Zany, pushing his friends inside. They raced down the hedged corridor then turned into the first hall on the left. This took them down another corridor to the right which hooked around and led into a dead end.
“Now what?” Jewel asked desperately. “No matter where we hide in here, they’ll find us with that locator spell!”
“We’re not gonna hide,” replied Zany, his eyes glowing white.
A white, glowing spiral appeared on the green hedge in front of them, parting and bending the branches into a circular shaped hole. Zany leaped through, then motioned to the others to follow. A series of holes appeared in the hedges ahead of them, then closed back after they passed.
“We’re cutting straight through,” Zany explained. “But those losers are gonna have to follow the maze. It’ll buy us some time to get to the palace.”
“There’s the exit,” said Applespike, taking the lead. All three burst through the last hole and galloped towards the exit.
POP!
Goodnight, Mountain Mist, and Fair Weather appeared in front of them. Applespike stopped so hard he almost sat down. Zany and Jewel skidded to a halt behind him.
“Well, that didn’t work the way I hoped,” muttered Zany.
Goodnight pointed his horn towards the draconequess and fired his gray-green spell.
“NO!” Jewel leaped forward, producing a blue bubble around herself and her friends. The Tatzlworm spell struck the shield and quickly fizzled out.
Goodnight’s jaw dropped in surprise. “W-what? How?”
Zany threw his arms around his friends. Crash helmets appeared on their heads.
“Magic Health Bubble. Bye!”
With a sizzling hiss like a Romane candle, Zany shot into the sky dragging his friends along with him. The dragon-pony closed his eyes and tried not think about what would happen if they fell. He opened them again as blasts of green and yellow magic zinged past them.
“Get us out of range!” he hollered in Zany’s ear. The chaotic colt nodded and put on an extra burst of speed. They were soon as high as the highest tower in Canterlot, the city spread out below them like a foal’s toy town. The Garden was far below and the ponies, mere dots.
Suddenly there was a red flash from one of the spires. A firework exploded nearby, forming the shape of a lightning bolt superimposed on a capital C.
“They’re calling out the Canterlot Royal Air Force!” Jewel shouted. “We need to get out of here!”
Zany dove and swung in a wide arc around the palace. Both Jewel and Applespike gasped as they glimpsed the valley far, far below. Zany turned, flying lower until they were at the same height as the palace towers. He grinned as they approached a tower with a telescope and a silver crescent moon emblem on the balcony.
“Permission to buzz the tower,” he said in a staticky sounding voice.
“Huh?”
They zoomed past the tower, close enough to blow open the curtains and make the telescope spin on its tripod. Zany zipped away, snickering as he heard the Canterlot Voice bellowing behind him.
“WHO DARES BUZZ OUR TOWER WHEN WE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP?”
“Zany!” cried Jewel. “We don’t have time for this!”
“Head for that balcony!” Applespike shouted, pointing to a large balcony with an arc shaped door.
Zany zoomed down and made a neat three-point landing on the balcony. The three quickly slipped inside, pulling the curtain closed behind them. VROOM! The shadows of three Pegasi zoomed past the curtain. The three waited in silence until they were sure they were gone.
“Do you think they saw us?” asked Applespike.
“No, I think they would have followed us if they had,” replied Zany, popping away their crash helmets. “I think we’re safe for the moment.”
“Where are we?” asked Jewel, cautiously lighting her horn. The room looked like a posh apartment, the walls painted a soft blue. There was a sitting area with fluffy cyan-colored cushions and a low heavy-looking table.
“I'll be doggone!” said Applespike, his eyes lighting up. “This is the room we got together in after the Gala! Here’s the table where we ate!”
“And that balcony is where we shared our first kiss,” Jewel blushed as she lovingly nuzzled his neck. “How could I forget?”
Zany rolled his eyes at the lovebirds. “Get a room, you two,” he muttered as he turned away to check the hall. He quietly opened the large wooden door and listened carefully.
“No sound of alarms—yet,” he reported. “We should be okay as long as we stay out of sight.”
“What about Goodnight and his locator spell?” asked Jewel, worriedly. “There’s no way we can hide from that!”
“Well, they’re out there and we’re in here,” said Applespike, putting a protective arm around her. “And I’m pretty sure the guards won’t let ‘em in.”
“You don’t know Goodnight,” she replied, leaning into him. “He can be very persuasive.”
“Your parents will be here any minute,” said Zany. “Then Goodnight and his pals can’t—”
BRAAAAP! Applespike slapped a hoof to his mouth as he burped up another letter.
“Excuse me,” he said, smacking his lips in distaste. “Eww! I wish Twinkle would quit using that notepaper. It tastes worse than Granny’s herbal stomach medicine!”
“What does it say?” Jewel asked eagerly as Zany unfolded the note. “Are my parents here yet?”
Zany quickly read the note. “There’s been a delay,” he said, his face falling. “Cows on the track. Twinkle says it could be another hour before the train comes.”
“Another hour!” cried Jewel.
“Yeah,” he sighed. “That’s what it says. I’m sorry.”
Jewel hid her face in Applespike’s fur as the dragon-pony nuzzled her comfortingly. Zany was about to say something when he heard the muffled sounds of hoof steps coming from the hall. He put a hoof to his lips, then quietly slipped over to the door to listen.
“I know this is highly irregular, sir,” a deep voice echoed down the stone corridor. “We don’t normally allow civilians access without clearance...”
“We never allow civilians access without clearance,” a gruff voice replied.
“Yes, sir. But this fellow was very… insistent. Something about foalnapping…”
The sound of heavy hoof steps could be heard coming down the hall.
“I assure you, Captain, this is necessary.”
Zany gritted his teeth as he recognized Goodnight’s smooth voice.
“The poor child is in the hooves of two miscreants, one with strange powers. Luckily, I have a spell that can neutralize him…”
The chaotic colt did not wait to hear more. He raced back to Applespike and Jewel and threw his arms around them. A second later,the big wooden door flew open. But the friends were no longer there.
POOF!
The three found themselves in what looked like a large and very elegant bathroom. The walls were grayish-blue with an enormous silver mirror along one wall. Underneath the mirror was a marble vanity with a silver basin. Across from this was a large white claw-footed tub, surrounded by a gauzy white shower curtain with silver edging. The room was steamy and filled with the smell of camphor and peppermint.
Jewel wrinkled her nose at the smell.
“Goodness, where are we?” she asked.
“We’re in a room on the other side of the palace,” Zany explained. “That should give us time to discuss our next move.”
“Uh, maybe not,” said Applespike, pointing a trembling hoof towards the tub. "Look!"
The gauzy shower curtain pulled aside, revealing the round, fat face of an elderly powder-blue unicorn mare. Her mouth and eyes were opened wide in anger and shock.
“AAAAAAAAAAH! REGGIE! THE PEEPING TOM IS BACK!”
“What, again?” a muffled male voice cried from the next room.
“Drat it!" groaned Zany. "I thought they would be gone by now."
“AAAAAAH!” the unicorn mare screamed again. “AND HE’S BROUGHT FRIENDS!”
“Madam, please calm down,” said Jewel. “I assure you, this was an acci—WHOA!” She ducked as a bar of soap flew past her head.
“Don’t try to reason with her,” cried Applespike pushing her towards the door. “Let’s just get—HEY!”
A stream of hot water sprayed over him and Jewel, soaking them thoroughly. The dragon-pony blinked water from his eyes and caught sight of Zany getting whacked on the bottom with a bath brush.
“Get us out of here!”
“On it!” The draconequess took a step towards his friends and slipped on the bar of soap. His friends watched helplessly as he face planted on the tiles .
“Ow!” he groaned, rubbing his nose.
“I say, what is going on in here?” The door flew open revealing a fat unicorn stallion wearing a gold-colored smoking jacket and carrying a cane. He eyed them all, his gaze falling on Zany.
“You again, you dirty-minded little miscreant!” he cried raising his cane to strike. Applespike jumped between them, grunting as he took the hit meant for his friend.
“Thanks,” said Zany.
“I owed you one,” the dragon-pony shrugged.
“Stop that this instant!” cried Jewel, knocking away the cane with her magic. The unicorn stallion lost his balance and fell on his back with a painful thud.
“REGGIE!” cried the old mare. She glared at the intruders. “You brutes! How dare you harm my husband! You heartless scoundrels! Take that! And that!”
The three scrambled out of the way as bottles of shampoo, mane conditioner, and bath salts flew at them. They maneuvered around the prone stallion and dashed into the sitting room.
“Get us out of here!” Jewel cried.
“I’m working on it!” replied Zany, trying to think.
Suddenly, the door to the apartment flew open. None of them had time to react as a gray-green spell struck Zany in the side. The draconequess hit the floor, groaning in pain.
“Oh, man. Not again.”
Goodnight coolly stepped into the room followed by two unicorn guards. Applespike pushed Jewel behind him.
“Freeze!” cried the guards, their horns aimed at Applespike.
“Please, don’t shoot!” cried Jewel, throwing her arms around the dragon-pony. She buried her face in his coat and sobbed. “We-we give up.”
“No!” murmured Applespike, holding her to him. “I-I Pinkie Promised...”
"You've been hurt enough because of me," Jewel whispered. "It's better this way."
Goodnight stood over them, grinning in triumph. He grabbed Jewel roughly with his magic and pulled her to him.
"End of the road, foalnapper!" he said to Applespike. "Now, you'll pay for your crime."
“What?!” cried Jewel. "I wasn't foalnapped! I--UMPH! Goodnight quickly gagged her muzzle with a spell and dragged her to the door.
“Thank you, gentlecolts, for your assistance,” he said to the guards. “I'll leave you to your business while I escort this filly home.”
“No so fast, sir." A tall Pegasus guard wearing a Captain's insignia blocked his path. “Foalnapping is a serious offense. We need to make a formal report.”
Goodnight snorted. "Of course you do. But don't you think the poor filly has been through enough?" He made show of hugging Jewel and caressed her mane.
The Captain stood stone faced. "Rules are rules, sir. I'm sorry."
Meanwhile, Applespike was wracking his brain. There had to be a way out of this! The two guards were no longer aiming their horns at him, but they were both alert and watching him. Zany lay at his feet, shivering, unable to do anything. Doggone it! He thought. There has to be something I can do! Suddenly, his eye fell upon a nearby table. It was covered with parchment, inkwells, and quills. His eyes widened as an idea blossomed.
"Excuse me, sirs," he said to the guards, using his best manners. "May I please write my folks and let 'em know where I am? It won't take but a moment."
The two unicorn guards glanced at each other then nodded. "Okay. But no funny business."
"Yes, sir. Thank you."
Applespike wrote a quick note. Carefully, he rolled it up and breathed a gentle flame. The guards were surprised but said nothing as the magic smoke wafted from the room.
Meanwhile, Goodnight was still arguing with the Captain of the guard. The big stallion had drawn himself up to his full height so he could look down at the shorter officer.
"You are being very heartless, sir," said Goodnight sniffing. "She has been through so much. Surely, you wouldn't have her relive it?"
"I apologize, but I need her testimony," replied the Captain firmly. "As she is the victim, it is crucial we get her statement."
Goodnight gritted his teeth in frustration. Blast this stubborn Pegasus! He briefly considered teleporting them away, but that would bring the whole Royal Guard down on his head. He tried again.
"Sir," he said quietly. "Surely we can come to some sort of an agreement." He lifted a bag of bits so only the Captain could see.
Jewel saw the look on the Captain's face and knew he wasn't having any of it.
"How dare you try to bribe a Royal Guard! I know my duty and it is--"
"What is going on here?" a regal female voice demanded.
Everypony froze.
It was Princess Celestia.
Author's Note
Whew! This was one long chapter to write. I hope it was worth it.
The Chaotic Three: A Zany Story
Princess Celestia stood in the doorway to the apartment, her long horn almost touching the lintel. Her signature pastel colored mane bannered behind her majestically as her eyes coolly surveyed the room. Her face reminded Applespike of the way his mother looked whenever she walked into a room and caught him doing something he shouldn’t. The two guards glanced back at the princess then renewed their stance guarding the prisoners. Goodnight tightened his grip on Jewel, forcing her head down so her face stayed hidden. The elderly unicorn couple hobbled in from the bathroom, the mare supporting her husband. Only the Captain of the Guard had the sense to address the princess.
“Your Majesty,” he said, bowing low.
“What is going on here?” Celestia repeated.
“An invasion of privacy, your Majesty,” cried the fat unicorn mare, her mane wrapped in a towel. “That Peeping Tom I told you about earlier, he just burst into our apartment again! And he actually had the gall to bring his friends! Thankfully your guards were able to subdue them and now they can receive their just punishment!”
“Quite right,” grunted her husband, as he painfully eased himself into a chair. “Throw the book at them, I say!”
“I shall personally see to it,” answered Celestia with a regal nod. She turned to the Pegasus. “Captain, please report!”
“Your Majesty,” said the Captain. “The guards at the rear entrance received a report that a filly had been foalnapped and that the culprits had slipped into the palace undetected. This stallion—” he indicated Goodnight. “Was using a locator spell that led us to the filly and her abductors. Apparently, they teleported from that room to this room where we found them. This stallion,” again, he pointed to Goodnight. “Neutralized one of the culprits. The other, surrendered peacefully.”
Celestia nodded. “And the filly?” she asked.
“She has been recovered unharmed. I am trying to get a statement from the victim for the report but—” the Captain narrowed his eyes at Goodnight. “Her alleged guardian appears reluctant to cooperate.”
“I am only thinking of the poor child’s psyche,” Goodnight insisted, cursing himself for trying to bribe the guard. “She’s been through so much already.”
“I understand your concern,” the princess said gently, looking down at the black stallion. “But the Captain is right. We must make a full report. Please—” she held up her hoof as Goodnight tried to protest. “I promise you, we will be gentle.”
Celestia bent down and smiled softly at Jewel. “Come here, child. Let me look at you.”
Jewel timidly stepped forward as Goodnight reluctantly released her.
“Your Majesty,” she murmured, raising her head.
“Good Heavens!” Celestia cried, her eyes going wide. “What happened to you, child? You look like you’ve been eating one of those color changing candies from the Gala!”
Jewel gave a small smile. “I have, your Majesty.”
The princess chuckled. Her horn glowed and Jewel’s face returned to its natural color.
“Thank you, Princess,” said Jewel.
“You are welcome, my little—” Princess Celestia gasped in surprise. “JEWEL!”
The little unicorn nodded.
“The youngest daughter of Rarity and Fancy Pants?”
Jewel nodded again.
“Good Heavens!” cried Celestia. She looked at the Captain reproachfully. “A child of one of the Element Bearers was foalnapped and no one thought to alert me?”
“Begging your pardon, your Majesty, but we didn’t know,” replied the Captain, bowing again. “This stallion only told us a filly had been foalnapped. He did not tell us the name of the victim.”
“But, I wasn’t foalnapped!” cried Jewel. “I ran away! Goodnight just…” She looked back at the black unicorn and saw his cold eyes drilling into hers, daring her to call him a liar. Jewel gulped. “He just… misunderstood.”
“I see,” said Celestia, not missing the look of fear on Jewel’s face. Her light magenta eyes flitted suspiciously toward Goodnight, but she said nothing. She turned to the guards. “And who do you have there?” she asked.
“The alleged foalnappers, your Majesty,” replied the unicorn guarding Applespike. “They both appear to be Earth Pony colts except this one seems to have a—dragon’s tail?”
“Dragon’s tail!” cried Celestia. She stepped closer to get a better look. “Applespike! The son of Applejack and Spike the Dragon!”
“The same, your Majesty,” the dragon-pony bowed before her.
The princess smirked. “I gather you’re the one who sent me that note just now, asking for help.”
“Yes’m, that was me. Sorry I lied to you fellers,” he added, looking at the guards. “I was pretty desperate.”
“Just like your parents,” said the princess, chuckling. A whimpering groan made her look down. “And who else is here?”
The chaotic colt opened his eyes and gave the monarch a sickly smile. “Hey, Princess! What’s up?”
“Zany Draconequess,” Celestia sighed, shaking her head. “Why am I not surprised to see you in on this?” She took in his sickly appearance. “What happened to you?”
“He got shot with a Tatzlworm spell,” Applespike answered for his friend. “It takes away his powers and makes him sick as a dog.”
“So, I see,” said Celestia, giving Zany a sympathetic look. She turned to the Captain. “I want these four ponies brought to the throne room immediately for questioning.”
“At once, your Majesty.”
“But, Princess!” cried the elderly unicorn. “What about—”
“Do not worry, Duchess,” replied Celestia, cutting her eye at the Chaotic Three and Goodnight. “I promise you, justice shall be done.”
“Come along,” ordered the Captain, motioning for Goodnight and the others to follow him. The big unicorn did as he was told, keeping Jewel close to his side. Applespike followed, flanked by one of the guards while Zany was levitated and carried downstairs to the throne room. Once there, they were lined up before the royal dais. Applespike and Zany were placed on the left, while Goodnight and Jewel stood on the right, the black stallion keeping his body between the little unicorn and her friends.
Zany slowly rose and sat on his haunches. “So, what do we do now?” he murmured.
Applespike shrugged. “Tell the truth, I guess.”
Zany snorted. “I just knew you’d say that! Oh, well, whatever works.”
Princess Celestia took her place on the dais and motioned for a light gray unicorn mare with a brown mane done up in a bun to join her. The mare adjusted a pair of black-framed glasses on her muzzle and raised a pen and paper with her magic.
“Ready when you are, your Majesty,” she said.
“Thank you, Raven,” the princess nodded, then turned to group. “Now, my little ponies, we are going to get to the heart of this matter. I will ask you questions and I fully expect you to tell me the truth .”
Zany could have sworn she glanced at him when she said that last word. Celestia turned to Goodnight. “Let us start with you, sir. State your name, please.”
“Goodnight, your Highness,” he replied with a bow.
“Mr. Goodnight, would you mind explaining why you came to our palace claiming there was a foalnapping?”
“I would not mind at all, your Highness,” said Goodnight smoothly. “I work for Miss Jewel’s manager and guardian Picture Perfect.”
“Guardian?” asked Celestia, cocking her eyebrow.
“Yes, Princess. And since I work for him, that makes me loco parentis .”
“Loco parentis?” muttered Applespike. “What the hay is that?”
“A crazy parent,” Zany quipped.
“I was sent to find her after she was discovered missing from her train car early this morning,” Goodnight continued. “We assumed she had been foalnapped.”
“Really?” asked Celestia, arching a suspicious eyebrow. “And yet, you did not think to contact the authorities?”
“Jewel is a popular fashion model. We did not wish to cause a panic amongst her fans. Besides, we had a very good idea of who the culprits were,” Goodnight glared pointedly at Zany and Applespike. “So, I used her favorite hair barrette to create a locator spell and we were able to trace her to Canterlot. When my associates and I attempted to rescue her, we were set upon by these two hooligans! We chased them to the Royal Canterlot Gardens, but they flew away like a rocket and took refuge in the palace.”
Celestia turned to Zany. “That wouldn’t happen to be the reason the Royal Air Force was called out, would it?”
“Maaaaaaybe,” Zany grinned cheekily.
The Princess rolled her eyes then turned back to Goodnight. “Please continue, sir.”
“We alerted the Royal Guards. They escorted us to a room where they were hiding, but they teleported away before we could catch them. Luckily, the Duchess and her husband were able to slow them down so we were able to apprehend them.”
The princess nodded. “Thank you, Goodnight.” She then turned to Jewel. “Now, I would like to hear from you, my dear. You stated earlier that you had not been foalnapped, that you ran away.”
“Yes, your Majesty,” Jewel replied, stepping forward.
“Please, tell me why you ran away.”
“Well, it was because of my manager, Picture Perfect. He does not approve of my friendship with Applespike and Zany.”
“For obvious reasons,” huffed Goodnight.
Jewel bit her lip. “Applespike and I have been writing each other ever since I became a model. Picture Perfect was not happy about it, but he tolerated it. Until last night…”
“What happened last night?” asked Celestia softly.
“I…I wrote Applespike a letter and Picture Perfect intercepted it,” Jewel whispered, tears standing in her eyes. “He took it and read it. Then, he told me I would not be allowed to send anymore letters without his approval.”
“I see.” Princess Celestia stepped down to the floor and raised Jewel’s tearful face with her hoof. “And what was wrong with the letter, sweetheart? What did it say?”
Jewel closed her eyes, the tears running down her cheeks. “I…I…I wrote Applespike. And I told him…” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “That I love him.”
“Oh!” said Celestia. She glanced at Applespike whose cheeks were burning bright pink. “And why was that a problem?”
“We were protecting her image, your Majesty,” said Goodnight, bowing. “To keep her name out of the gossip magazines and to protect her from certain colts who want to take advantage of her affections.”
“That’s a dang lie!” cried Applespike, smoke trickling between his clenched teeth. “I would never take advantage of Jewel!”
“And yet the two of you encouraged her to run away! No doubt to carry out an illicit rendezvous.”
“You, jerk! I would never—”
“Have a romantic rendezvous?” Goodnight grinned like a cat that had trapped a mouse. “Tut-tut, my boy. Have you already forgotten your secret meeting on the night of the Gala? Or your lover’s kisses? How did Jewel describe it in her letter? Ah! Sweet and delectable as hot cocoa on Hearth’s Warming Eve.”
Applespike gulped, blushing furiously.
“That is enough!” Celestia cut in sharply. She offered Jewel a tissue to dry her eyes. “Please, continue, dear.”
“I wasn’t sure what to do,” said Jewel, sniffing. “Luckily, Twinkle Sparkle—.” She paused, remembering she could not reveal her friend’s secret. “Twinkle Sparkle…contacted me that night. I told her what was going on and she suggested that I run away.”
“Oh, Jewel, what a lie you are telling,” Goodnight chided sweetly. “How could Princess Twinkle Sparkle have contacted you, when I put up a spell yesterday afternoon that blocks all magical communications?”
The little unicorn gasped. “WHAT!”
“It was necessary, my dear,” Goodnight replied. “You were getting a lot of mail, some of it sent by magical means. I put up the spell for security reasons.”
Jewel shook her head. “That wasn’t the reason! You only did it to block Applespike! And Twinkle didn’t send me a letter! I spoke with her and she—”
“Spoke? Are you saying she teleported into your car last night?” Goodnight grinned. He was enjoying this. “Have you forgotten the anti-teleportation spell I placed on your car? Besides, I find it highly doubtful that Princess Twinkle, being a junior alicorn, could have teleported from Canterlot all the way to the Northern Buffalo Territory.”
“She didn’t teleport!” cried Jewel, stomping her hoof in frustration. “She came to me in a—” She gasped and placed a hoof over her mouth.
“In a what?” asked Goodnight with a sneer.
“Um…” Jewel turned to Princess Celestia. She closed her eyes and tilted her head slightly as if asleep. The white alicorn’s eyes widened in understanding.
“Never mind,” she said, holding up a hoof. “It is enough to know that my sister has her own methods of communication and has undoubtedly taught them to Twinkle. Now, my dear, please explain why Twinkle advised you to run away.”
“Picture Perfect…he threatened me,” said Jewel. She gritted her teeth as Goodnight gave a disbelieving gasp. “He…he had embarrassing pictures taken at the Gala. He threatened to use them to ruin my mother and humiliate my father if I didn’t comply with his wishes. I knew he would not allow me to write to them and warn them. When I told Twinkle about it, she suggested I run away.”
“Oh, Jewel, I can’t believe you are telling such stories,” said Goodnight, shaking his head sorrowfully. “We take many pictures whenever we attend such events,” he explained to Celestia. “We use some of them to critique Jewel’s performance. As a celebrity, she must learn how to keep a good face. Some of her pictures were less than favorable.”
“But he DID threaten me!” cried Jewel. “He sent pictures of Aunt Fluttershy’s Gala gown to someone at Rouge magazine to embarrass my mother!”
Goodnight tutted and shook his head. “No, dear. I told you someone else had sent a picture to Rouge. I was just trying to warn you.”
Jewel trembled, seething in speechless rage at the way Goodnight twisted the facts. She wasn’t the only one. Tongues of green flames flickered between Applespike’s clenched teeth and magic crackled in Zany’s fur.
“My powers are back,” he hissed to Applespike. “I'm gonna teleport us out of here. I just need to grab Jewel…”
Before the dragon-pony could reply, a herald called out from the doorway.
“Mr. Picture Perfect requests an audience with your Majesty!”
“Let him in, please,” replied the princess with a nod of her head.
The guards stood aside, allowing the unicorn photographer to enter. He was followed closely by Fair Weather and Mountain Mist. Applespike, who had never seen Picture Perfect before, shivered at the sight of the sky-blue stallion with flowing white mane.
“Your Highness,” he said, bowing low before Celestia.
“Mr. Picture Perfect,” the princess replied with cool politeness.
“I must thank your guards for their assistance is locating Jewel. Indeed, I have been very worried about her all day! You can imagine how horrified I was to awaken this morning and find her gone! And after her parents entrusted me as her guardian !”
He grinned at Jewel as he emphasized that last word.
“I understand,” said Celestia, nodding. “I too know the responsibility of being the guardian of a young filly. But, I trusted my ward and treated her with respect. I never tried to cut her off from her friends,” she added coldly.
“Ah! But it was necessary, your Majesty,” replied Picture Perfect, shaking his head. “Jewel is a beautiful gem with a reputation to keep up. Those two colts are miscreants and troublemakers! My assistant Goodnight can attest to that.”
“They are the ones responsible for the ‘hot hoof’ I suffered at the Gala,” said Goodnight, giving the boys a piercing glare. “Jewel confirmed that.”
“Not to mention the father of that one ,” Picture Perfect pointed a hoof at Zany. “Deliberately ruined my opportunity for photographs that evening by making Stud Muffin sick! He gave him Blue Flu.”
Zany snorted. “Don’t flatter yourself. My Dad wouldn’t know Stud Nuthin’ if he fell on him out of a cloud. I’m the one that gave him the Blue Flu. And I did it for no other reason than because he’s a jerk.”
“You see, your Highness?” said Picture Perfect, triumphantly. “This is why I had to bar them! This is why it was necessary to cut off all communication with them! Between the two of them they would destroy Jewel’s illustrious career and make her the laughingstock of the modeling industry!"
He turned to Jewel. "I’m sorry, my dear,” he said, speaking in a fatherly tone. “I’m sorry that you misunderstood my actions. I imagine you thought I was being harsh. Come back, now, and let us let bygones be bygones.”
He offered her his hoof. Jewel slowly shook her head and backed away. The photographer gritted his teeth in impatience.
“Enough of this nonsense, Jewel. Return with me and I will forgive this little escapade.”
Jewel glared at him but did not move. Princess Celestia stepped forward and placed an enormous wing over the little filly.
“You do not need to go with him, if you do not wish,” she said.
“Ah, but she is forgetting her contract,” growled Picture Perfect. “If she quits before her contract is ended, she must pay me a million bits!”
“A million bits?” said Celestia, her eyebrows almost arching into her hairline. “That is an exorbitant amount of money, Mr. Perfect.”
“No one forced her to sign the contract, your Majesty,” the photographer answered with a shrug. “If she is unable to pay the penalty, then, being a minor, it will be up to her parents to pay it. Which they can’t, can they? ” The stallion asked wolfishly.
The little filly hung her head. “No.”
“Very well, then. Stop this foolishness and come—"
“NO! DON’T DO IT!”
Everyone looked to the doors as a little purple alicorn with a blue and pink mane charged past the guards.
“Princess Twinkle Sparkle to see your Majesty!” the herald scrambled to announce.
The little alicorn skidded to a halt before Princess Celestia. She was panting and covered in sweat.
“Twinkle!” cried Jewel and looked expectantly towards the door. Her heart fell when she saw that no pony else had come. “W-where…?”
Twinkle shook her head. “Not yet,” she managed to gasp. “Soon.”
“Twinkle Sparkle, daughter of my faithful student,” Princess Celestia greeted her. “My dear sister’s prized pupil, I understand you have a hoof in this matter.”
“Yes, Princess Celestia,” Twinkle nodded. “I do.”
“So, you admit it,” said Goodnight, seizing the opportunity to step forward and loom over the teenaged alicorn. “You are the one who endangered Miss Jewel by encouraging her to run away! You should be ashamed of yourself!”
Twinkle drew herself up to her full height, which barely brought her up to the unicorn’s chest, and gave him her best impression of Princess Luna’s intimidating glare.
“I believed she was in greater danger in your care than she would have been on the run,” she replied icily. “I told her to come here to Canterlot so I could help her.”
“Yes, help her meet up with her dragon-pony lover,” huffed Goodnight, edging closer. “Such reckless, thoughtless behavior is very unbecoming a princess of Canterlot!”
Twinkle knew he was trying to intimidate her. “Well, I’m not a princess of Canterlot,” she said boldly. “I am the daughter of Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship, whose Kingdom is centered in the simple town of Ponyville. I told Jewel to leave because I feared for her safety. I ordered her to Canterlot so I could reunite her with her family.”
“That is enough, Goodnight,” said Picture Perfect before Goodnight could reply. “The poor child has obviously been misled.” He turned to Twinkle and shook his head pityingly. “I don’t blame you, my dear. You just wanted to help your friend. But I’m afraid she and her friends have taken gross advantage of you. Honestly, tricking you into believing she was in danger?”
“It was no trick,” retorted Twinkle.
“Of course, you would say that,” the photographer continued. His patronizing tone put the little alicorn’s teeth on edge. “You are young and quite naive…”
“There was no trick,” Twinkle repeated, her voice calm and firm. “Jewel was afraid when I contacted her. I could feel it.”
“Nonsense!” Picture Perfect snorted dismissively. “You’re just a foal. You know nothing about such things--”
“Oh, zip it!” she snapped, rolling her eyes.
“UMPH!” Picture Perfect pawed at his mouth as a zipper suddenly appeared on his lips. Twinkle shot a frown at the grinning draconequess colt.
“You’re welcome” he said, giving her an elaborate salaam.
“AHEM!”
Zany, Twinkle, Goodnight, and Picture Perfect turned to Princess Celestia who was regarding them all with a withering look. Twinkle and the big stallions all looked away uncomfortably. Only Zany was able to look into the monarch’s face, grinning his devious grin. Celestia had to turn away before she burst out laughing.
“I have heard enough,” she said. Her horn flashed and Picture Perfect winced as the zipper disappeared from his mouth. “First of all, from what I can gather, there was no foalnapping. Therefore, no charges will be brought against Zany and Applespike. Secondly, it is obvious to me that Jewel was very unhappy with you, Mr. Perfect, and that is what led her to run away. I will not force her to go with you, however, I must uphold the conditions of the contract. If she wishes to leave your employment—” Celestia gave a disgusted sigh. “Then she must pay you the million bits.”
“But, I can’t,” Jewel whispered, biting her lip in fear. Picture Perfect stepped forward triumphantly to seize her. “No. Please, no.”
“Not so fast!” cried Twinkle, putting herself between Jewel and the exultant photographer.
“Out of my way, little princess,” he growled, brushing past her. POOF! Twinkle teleported directly in front of him, her front hooves pushed against his barrel chest.
Not so fast,” she repeated. “There was another reason why I encouraged Jewel to come to Canterlot.”
“Well, what was it?” Picture Perfect snapped. “I haven’t got all day!”
“I have reason to believe that her contract may be invalid!”
“What?” Picture Perfect gave a bark of derisive laughter. “That is ridiculous! Now, stand aside!”
“One moment, Mr. Perfect!” said Princess Celestia, holding up one golden-shod hoof. She lowered her head to Twinkle’s level. “What makes you think that, my dear,” she asked.
“Well, your Highness,” replied Twinkle, with the authority of a courtroom lawyer. “One of my many studies as you know is Equestrian Law. When I overheard Aunt Rarity discussing Jewel’s contract with Picture Perfect, she mentioned something that struck me as odd.” She turned to the impatient photographer. “Is it true, sir, that you signed Jewel to a six-year contract?”
“Yes, six years is the maximum amount of years a pony may be contracted. What does this have to do--?”
“Is this your first time working with ponies under the age of 18, Mr. Perfect?” Twinkle asked.
“As a matter of fact, it is,” he replied, rolling his eyes. “What are you—”
“I’m getting to that,” Twinkle interrupted smoothly. “Now, I understand you have a lawyer who handles your business contracts. Miss Mare Culpa?”
“Yes.”
“But, she is not the one who handled Jewel’s contract, is she.”
“No,” Picture Perfect snorted impatiently. “I was in a hurry and she was not available, so I hired a lawyer named Salty Goodpony to handle it.”
“I see.” Twinkle turned away and slowly paced to where the princess was standing. “And this Salty Goodpony, he has experience drawing up contracts?”
“Yes. Otherwise, I would not have hired him.”
“Did Mr. Goodpony have experience in drawing up contracts for juveniles?”
“I-uh,” the unicorn stallion was taken aback by the question. “I—don’t know. I would assume so.”
“Interesting,” Twinkle murmured. “You would think that a lawyer with his experience would know that the longest a pony under the age of 18 can be contracted for—” She paused for effect. “Is three years.”
There was a collective gasp of surprise. Even the guards, who were trained to remain stoic, stared wide-eyed for a moment. A smile slowly crossed Celestia’s face.
“Coltgan’s Law,” she said, nodding her head in approval. “Very good, my sister’s faithful pupil!”
“Excuse me?” cried Picture Perfect.
“Coltgan’s Law,” The princess explained. “It was a law implemented by my sister and me to protect underaged ponies from being exploited. It stipulates the conditions under which a minor can work.”
“Exactly,” said Twinkle, whirling to face Picture Perfect again. “And one of the conditions is that an underage pony cannot be contracted for more than three years. According to Aunt Rarity, Jewel has worked with you for three years. Therefore, per the law, she has already fulfilled her obligation to you and should be able terminate her contract without penalty.”
Picture Perfect stood frozen, his sides heaving in growing fury. He glared down at the smug little alicorn. Jewel had tried his patience, but this upstart of a filly utterly enraged him. Luckily for him, Goodnight smoothly took charge.
“Very clever, little princess,” he said. “But, you are forgetting one thing. Miss Jewel signed the contract, and by signing it, she agreed to the conditions in it.”
“I didn’t know!” cried Jewel.
“Then you should have had a lawyer present when you signed,” Goodnight replied with a cruel smirk. “Caveat Emptor . I believe we are done here.”
“Not quite,” replied Twinkle, holding up a hoof. “You see, once I realized that Jewel had signed for six years, it occurred to me that there might be other things wrong with her contract as well."
“Again, Caveat Emptor! ” Goodnight huffed impatiently, stomping a hoof.
“Which is why I subpoenaed your office for a copy of the contract,” Twinkle concluded.
Goodnight nearly choked. “What?” he demanded.
“I subpoenaed your office for a copy of Jewel’s contract,” Twinkle repeated calmly, her eyes flitting towards the doors to the throne room.
“What kind of trick is this?” Goodnight demanded. “You’re just a foal. You do not have the authority to issue a subpoena!”
“BUT I DO!”
Everypony but Princess Celestia and Twinkle winced as the Canterlot voice thundered across the throne room. Princess Luna stood in the doorway, her head held high, her dark mane bannering behind her like a starry night.
“Princess Luna to see…” the herald began.
“No need. They know it is I,” Luna told him, a hint of a smile on her lips. She stepped up to the dais.
“Sister,” she said, addressing Celestia formally.
“Sister,” Celestia replied, a smile playing at her own lips. “I wasn’t expecting you for a few more hours.”
“Aye! It appears I was not meant to finish my slumbers. First, I was rudely awakened by somepony buzzing my tower this afternoon.” She glared at Zany, who was sporting a halo. “Then, one of the guards came knocking upon my door, informing me that my faithful pupil was requesting my assistance in the throne room.”
“Yes, Princess Luna,” Twinkle bowed before her mentor. “Thank you for coming on such short notice.”
“T'is all right, Twinkle Sparkle. I know you would not disturb me unless it was a matter of great importance.” The princess studied the ponies gathered before the dais. She gave Jewel a hint of a smile.
“You are Jewel? The daughter of the Element of Generosity and the noble Fancy Pants?”
“Yes, your Majesty,” Jewel bowed.
“It has been a long time since I last saw you. I am very familiar with your friends, though,” Luna added, glancing at Zany and Applespike. “My faithful pupil, Twinkle, informed me of your dilemma and asked that I assist in her research.”
Luna’s horn glowed and a small stack of documents appeared and spread themselves out neatly before her.
“Now, then,” she said, adjusting a pair of reading glasses with lens shaped like half-moons on the end of her muzzle. “Ah, yes! As suspected, there are many violations of Coltgan’s Law in this tract.”
“As I said before,” snapped Goodnight, disrespectfully. “Caveat Emptor! ”
“TACE! ” Luna bellowed, the power of her voice laying the offending stallion’s ears flat. “You DARE try to intimidate ME with thy knowledge of Ancient Equestrian! T'is but a drop in the bucket to mine own! Now, cease thy rude noises and allow your princess to speak!”
Goodnight, properly cowed, dropped back.
“As I was saying,” Luna resumed. “I found many violations of Coltgan’s Law in this contract. First, of course, is the length of the contract itself. Then, there is the matter of hours worked. A pony of tender years cannot be expected to work more than five hours a day, and never at night.”
“Begging your pardon, but I do not recall any photo sessions lasting more than three hours,” remarked Picture Perfect. “And though Jewel did attend evening functions, it was as a guest, and should not be labeled as work.”
Luna nodded. “Next, is the matter of pay. Under the law, a portion of a young pony’s wage must be put into a savings account." She regarded Picture Perfect darkly over the top of her glasses. "That, I have discovered, has not been done.”
“That is easily remedied," the photographer replied. "Jewel has a bank account in Manehattan that has hardly been touched. Some of that money can be transferred into savings along with a portion of any future earnings.”
Luna nodded again. “And lastly, there is the matter of parental permission.”
“There is paperwork, your Highness. It gives me the right to act as her guardian and seek medical treatment for her, if needed.”
“So, I see,” said Luna, pulling a document from the line. “But that is not what I am referring to. I mean parental permission to sign the contract. ”
“Her parents knew about it and were present at the signing,” asserted Picture Perfect.
“Perhaps.” The princess of the night sifted through the papers until she found the page she sought. “But, they did not co-sign on the contract.”
She levitated the page, giving everyone a clear view of the signatures.
Picture Perfect looked puzzled. "But, they gave their permission! I have witnesses to prove they did!"
“Verbal permission is not enough, Mr. Perfect," Luna replied. "According to the law, ALL contracts with underaged ponies MUST be co-signed by a parent or guardian. THIS one has not. Therefore, this contract is NULL AND VOID."
Picture Perfect's eyes widened as he stood in stunned silence. His face darkened like a thundercloud at sunset. His body trembled with repressed rage. Jewel stepped closer to Princess Celestia. She had never seen the volatile unicorn so enraged and she feared what he might do. Then, just as she thought he would explode, he seemed to deflate. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily.
“Very well,” he said quietly. “I shall arrange for Jewel's things to be packed and sent to her parents' residence at once. Her money will be transferred into a savings account at the bank in Ponyville.”
“Thank you, Mr. Perfect,” Jewel replied graciously, still keeping her distance.
The photographer bowed to the princesses then turned to leave. His henchponies followed in his wake. Only Goodnight looked back, glaring darkly as the dragon-pony and draconequess cheered and hugged their filly friend.
“You did it! You did it! You’re free!” they whooped.
“Congratulations,” said Twinkle.
The next thing the little alicorn knew, she was being mobbed by the Chaotic Three, hugging her from three sides.
“Thank you, Twinkle!” Jewel cried, pressing her cheek against hers. It was wet with tears.
“You were great!” cried Applespike, giving her a hearty hug around the neck. “The way you stood up to them bullies!”
Twinkle felt a thrill go down her spine as something warm and soft brushed her ear.
"You were incredible," Zany whispered.
“Well done, dear sister,” Celestia congratulated Luna.
“Twas nothing," the dark princess demurred. "It was Twinkle who alerted me to this injustice."
She sighed happily as she watched her protege surrounded by her friends. "She is indeed turning into a fine princess of Equestria!”
Meanwhile, outside the palace gates, Picture Perfect was already scheming his next move.
“Blast that fool, Goodpony!" he growled. "I shall sue him for this! Fair Weather, I need you to check with Culpa! Tell her to make sure Stud Muffin’s contract is up to code!"
"Yes, sir."
"Mountain Mist, I need you to arrange for Jewel’s possessions to be sent to Ponyville, posthaste. Get Buff to help you!"
"Yes, sir."
"Sweet Celestia in an oak tree, what a mess!" he groaned. "We need to put a positive spin on this before the gossip rags get hold of it! Can you handle that, Goodnight?”
There was no answer. Picture Perfect paused and looked around for his faithful assistant.
"Goodnight?"
But the black unicorn stallion was nowhere to be seen.
Author's Note
Phew! This one was a hard chapter to write! We are getting near the end now. Sorry for the cliffhanger. I promise, this is the last one.
The Chaotic Three: A Zany Story
“I must say, Luna, I am very grateful for Twinkle’s intervention.”
Princess Celestia sat on the dais beside her sister, watching the young ponies celebrate Jewel’s release. Zany had conjured a platter of cupcakes and a party cannon that looked suspiciously a lot like Pinkie Pie's. The four were taking turns firing it.
“I almost let that horrid stallion take Jewel away.” The princess of the sun shook her head in disgust. “I just assumed the contract was legal. It was stupid of me not to question it.”
Luna laid a comforting wing over her sister’s back.
“It was an honest mistake, Sister,” she murmured. “And one, I’m sure, you will never make again. Do not worry yourself about what might have been. Just be glad that all is well.”
“You’re right,” Celestia conceded, nuzzling her sister’s cheek. “Thank you, Luna.”
“You are welcome,” the dark alicorn replied. She watched the little white unicorn take her turn at the cannon and frowned. “Still, I believe the stallion should have been made to pay a penalty, especially after the terrible way he treated the poor child.”
“I agree,” Celestia nodded. “And if he had not willingly surrendered like he did, I certainly would have penalized him. Unfortunately, we lack the proof to proceed any further. For now, I will leave it to Jewel and her family to decide what to do.”
“Very well,” Luna grumbled. She hated seeing justice only half served. “But, you may be sure that I will share any information I have with her fam—"
BOOM!
The Royal Sisters shrieked and hugged each other as an explosion rocked the throne room. The Royal Guards ran in, spears at the ready, to defend their princesses. A crystal chandelier rattled and tinkled overhead as confetti and streamers rained down on everything. Zany stood next to the cannon, his face covered in soot.
“Oops! Too much powder in that one.”
“We’re all right, thank you,” Celestia called to the guards. “You may return to your posts.” She turned to Zany reproachfully. “I believe it would be safer if you moved your celebration to the garden.”
“Of course, Princess,” replied Zany, giving her an exaggerated bow. “Come on, everypony! Let’s get outta here and see what this puppy can really do!”
The princesses helped themselves to the cupcakes as the four ponies filed out with the party cannon. Luna shook her head.
“Think we should alert the guards?” she asked.
“It would be best,” Celestia agreed. She bit into a cupcake with vanilla icing and purple sprinkles. “I’d hate for them to declare another state of emergency. Mmmm! This is good cake!”
“Okay, Applespike, let ‘er rip!”
The dragon-pony pulled the cannon’s trigger.
BOOM! They all watched in awe as a glittery ball flew into the air and exploded like a supernova. The glitter sparked and crackled like tiny colored fireworks while apple scented confetti and balloons snowed down on the revelers.
“Yeehaw!” Applespike cheered. He swept Jewel up in his arms and spun her around before planting a big kiss on her lips. The little unicorn giggled in delight. It felt so good to be free! Not having to worry about what anypony thought. Not having to hide her feelings. Not having to hide her love. She slipped a hoof around Applespike’s neck and brought him in for a softer, more intimate kiss. The dragon-pony sighed as he melted into it.
“I love you, Applespike,” she breathed as they parted for breath.
“And I love you, Jewel,” he whispered.
Zany watched them, a stab of envy pricking his heart. He did not begrudge Applespike having Jewel’s love. He had never loved her that way. But he did envy their happiness. When would it be his turn? Who would ever give him, the Crown Prince of Chaos, a chance at love?
A soft sigh caught his attention. Turning, he saw Twinkle watching the couple with a soft, far-away look. Her eyes were lidded and a sweet smile played on her lips as her hoof softly, slowly stroked the fur on her chest. Zany stared. Twinkle had never looked so vulnerable. So... alluring.
Twinkle slowly looked away, her face hardening when she noticed Zany watching her.
“So, is it my turn to fire this thing?” she asked, brusquely.
“Yeah,” replied Zany, frowning at her rudeness. “Just give me a minute to conjure up some more ammo.”
“Cinnamon scented confetti, if you got it,” said Twinkle. “With lots of sparkles.”
“Right. Lots of spiders coming right up!”
“WHAT?” The little alicorn cried, giving him a shove. “I said sparkles and you know it! Don’t you even pretend to misunderstand—AAAAH!”
A vicious gray-green beam of magic struck Twinkle, knocking her to the ground. The little alicorn groaned as a sickening dizziness filled her head. Zany lay next to her, his eyes squeezed shut, his mouth opened slackly as he whimpered in pain.
“Two birds with one stone. How convenient!”
Twinkle weakly rolled her head to see Goodnight standing over them, a fierce grin lighting his face. He lifted his hoof and for a frightened moment, she thought he was going to bring it down on her. However, he was only stepping over them. He had another target in mind.
Jewel screamed and Applespike shouted.
“Get behind me!”
The dragon-pony took a deep breath and let loose a sheet of green flame. Goodnight didn’t even pause as he erected a heat resistant shield. Applespike charged, then spun around to deliver a debilitating buck to the enemy.
“Oh, no you don’t!”
Applespike’s eyes bugged out as the unicorn’s magic grabbed him and tossed him high in the air. The dragon-pony flailed as his body plummeted back to earth, landing in a freshly tilled and fertilized rose bed.
“Manure pile,” he croaked. “Ugh! Literally.”
“APPLESPIKE!” Jewel screamed, running to help him. Goodnight fired his Tatzlworm spell, striking her in the side. The little filly cried out as she collapsed weakly to the ground. Her body shivered. She felt cold, painfully cold, and her stomach churned sickeningly.
“Aw! Is the precious, little filly feeling ill?” Goodnight taunted. Jewel whimpered as he lifted her up, holding her upside down with all four hooves in the air.
“I have been thinking, my dear,” he continued. “And I believe I have made a grave miscalculation in how to get my revenge on your pathetic friends.” The black unicorn circled her prone body like a predator preparing to strike. “You see, I was trying to inflict pain on THEM. But, after seeing how much they care for you …how much you mean to them…”
Jewel squeaked in fear as a blazing orange ball of flame appeared directly above her. Goodnight chuckled darkly. “I believe I have come up with a much more effective method of punishment.”
“N-n-no!” cried Zany and Twinkle, desperately trying to rise, only to fall back weakly. Applespike staggered to his feet but the fall had knocked the breath out of him. The stallion laughed at their helplessness and brought the flame closer to Jewel’s defenseless hooves.
ZAP!
The young ponies stared in shock as a blast of light-yellow magic slammed into Goodnight, knocking him backwards. Jewel landed on the ground with a whimpering groan.
“I do believe I told you once that no pony marehandles my daughter!”
Jewel turned her head in the direction of the voice.
“DADDY!”
Fancy Pants strode regally into the garden, his aristocratic face hard as stone. He was followed closely by Rarity and Gemstone. Rarity stared wide-eyed at her husband.
“My goodness, Fancy…” she gasped.
“Jewel!” Gemstone brushed past her mother to kneel at her sister’s side. “Oh, Jewel, darling! Are you all right?”
Jewel smiled weakly. “I am now.”
“Well, T.C.I.F!” cried Zany, drunkenly waving his hoof. “Thank Celestia It’s Fancy!”
“Good Heavens!” cried Rarity, noticing them for the first time. “You poor darlings! Here, let me make you more comfortable.” She pulled a blanket from her saddlebag and tucked it still folded under Zany and Twinkle’s heads. “There, just lay still until you feel better. We shall take care of matters here.”
Meanwhile, Fancy Pants strode up to the where the black unicorn lay. His blue eyes, so jolly and kind, were now cold and piercing.
“Get up!” he snapped, as if he were ordering a dog.
Goodnight glared back, but slowly rose to his feet. The enormous stallion towered over Fancy Pants, the aristocratic pony’s horn barely reached his jaw. The white unicorn was unimpressed.
“I distrusted you the moment I met you,” he said coldly. “You were rude and very unkind. But, I never thought even you would stoop so low as to hurt a defenseless filly!”
“Defenseless?” Goodnight snorted. “I still have a knot on the back of my head where that little hussy hit me with a frying pan! Perhaps, if her mother were a proper lady instead of…”
“ENOUGH!” Fancy bellowed. All heads turned as the urbane unicorn jabbed a hoof at the offending stallion. “I challenge!”
Goodnight looked surprised then grinned. “I accept.”
“W-what are they doing?” asked Gemstone, gathering Jewel closer to her.
Twinkle craned her neck to look at the posturing stallions.
“Oh, my gosh!” she gasped. “I can’t believe it! Uncle Fancy just challenged that jerk to a duel!”
“What?” Zany crawled over the little alicorn to see what was going on. “Has Uncle Fancy flipped his lid? Now, that is the definition of loco parentis! ”
Applespike cautiously approached Fancy Pants.
“S-Sir?”
“Stay back, my boy,” said Fancy Pants, not taking his eyes off his enemy for a second. “This is just between us. You cannot interfere.”
“But, I needed to warn you. He’s got a spell that makes magic users sick and…”
“Thank you for the warning. Now, please step back.”
Applespike opened his mouth to protest, but the determined look on Fancy’s face kept him silent. It wasn’t fair! Goodnight was bigger and so much stronger! But, this was his uncle’s fight. Reluctantly, he backed away and joined the others.
Slowly, the two stallions walked in a counter clockwise circle, neither taking their eyes off the other. Gradually, the circle increased in size, until they were at least ten paces apart. Goodnight shook his silver mane and pawed the ground eagerly. Fancy Pants did not move but remained focused on his opponent.
Twinkle grunted as Zany leaned into her side.
“Shouldn’t someone say ‘Go’?” he whispered.
“No,” replied Twinkle, giving the draconequess a nudge in the ribs. “One of them has to make the first move, then…”
Goodnight struck first, a golden beam aimed at disabling Fancy’s horn. The white unicorn quickly dodged and shot a spell at the enemy’s unprotected legs. The dark stallion blocked with a shield. He fired another spell and vine-like tentacles erupted from the ground to wrap around Fancy’s ankles. Fancy Pants did not struggle but magicked a thorny rosebush to smack Goodnight on the flank. The dark unicorn bit his lip to keep from yelping in pain. He incinerated the thorny bushes with a fire spell then turned to Fancy, who had managed to escape the vines.
“Playtime’s over, runt!” Goodnight snorted. His horn glowed and a wave of scorching golden fire descended on Fancy Pants.
“Great Celestia!” cried Rarity, burying her face in her hooves.
Fancy simply lit his horn. A geyser of water shot from the ground, turning the fiery tsunami into steam. The dapper unicorn calmly cleaned the moisture from his monocle.
“Is that the best you can do, old chap?” he asked.
Snarling, Goodnight fired another disabling spell which Fancy Pants again dodged. The white stallion parried with a boxing spell that delivered a solid upper cut to Goodnight’s chin. The dark stallion shook off the blow then retaliated with a vicious swinging punch. Fancy blocked but grunted at the force of the blow. Goodnight continued to pummel him with blasts of magic, keeping the smaller unicorn on the defensive.
“Using brute strength,” Twinkle harrumphed in disgust. “How gauche.”
“Well, it seems to be working for him,” snapped Zany in frustration. “Man, I wish I had my magic!”
Despite the magical barrage, Fancy Pants had not lost his focus. When Goodnight paused for a moment, the white unicorn made his move. The dark stallion grunted in surprise as a light-yellow blast of magic struck him in the chest, flipping him onto his back. He laid there for a moment, catching his breath. Fancy Pants, politely waited for him to recover.
“Oh, why does Daddy have to be such a gentlecolt?” fretted Jewel. “That brute wouldn’t have done the same for him.”
As if to prove the point, Goodnight tossed his horn, slinging pebbles into Fancy’s face. The regal pony just barely managed to block in time.
“I think that’s the point,” said Applespike, his respect for the former Canterlot socialite growing by the moment. “He’s too good a stallion to stoop that low.”
Goodnight blasted another spell, trying to hit his opponent in the chest. Fancy blocked but stumbled slightly under the violent assault. Sensing weakness, the big stallion struck again. The white unicorn grunted, digging in his heels as the impact pushed him back. Another violent blast struck home and Fancy staggered, his shield weakening. One more blow. The dapper unicorn cried out as the blast struck his shield, shattering it like glass.
“No!” cried Rarity.
Goodnight laughed in triumph. He rose up on his hind legs, towering over the aristocratic stallion as his horn lit up with a gray-green aura. Fancy Pants raised his head... and smirked.
BOOM!
Goodnight whinnied in shock as a thundering wall of sound struck his body with the force of a wrecking ball. It sent the dark unicorn flying, tumbling end over end until slamming him into the garden wall. For moment he stuck there, splayed out like a bug on a windshield, then he peeled off, face-planting into the grass. A trio of blue birds circled and tweeted around his head.
“Where did those birds come from?” asked Gemstone.
Zany shrugged. “I thought it would be a nice touch.”
Fancy Pants smoothed back his hair and primly adjusted his waistcoat before trotting back to the group. He looked tenderly down at Jewel who was staring at him with diamond tears in her eyes.
“Are you all right, my dear?” he asked.
Jewel threw her arms around his neck and sobbed happily.
“Oh, Daddy!” she whispered.
“You were wonderful, Daddy!” praised Gemstone.
“Thank you, my dear.”
“Good job, sir,” said Applespike. “Good job.”
“I second that!” cried Twinkle.
“I third it!” Zany added.
“Thank you, all,” replied Fancy Pants smiling demurely. He looked to his wife and noticed the fashionista staring at him with wide eyes. A blush spread across his muzzle.
“I am sorry you had to witness that, my dear,” he apologized. “But, this was a grave affront and had to be address—MMPH!”
His words were lost as Rarity wrapped her arms around his neck and hungrily pressed her lips to his. Fancy’s eyes dilated in surprise, then slowly closed as he eagerly returned the kiss. The youngsters stared at the couple in surprise.
“Have you ever seen them kiss like that?” Jewel whispered to her sister.
“Never,” Gemstone whispered back, her cheeks turning red. “But, I’m glad that they are.”
“—and since the cows refused to leave the tracks, we had no choice but to abandon the train and make our way on hoof.”
“Fortunately, a cart happened to be passing on its way to Canterlot and the driver asked us if we needed a ride. Once we explained our predicament, he brought us here posthaste and dropped us off at the palace gates.”
“A wonderful chap,” said Fancy Pants. “A miller, I believe. Refused any payment. He just said he was happy to help.”
“Then, the guards told us you were in the garden with a party cannon…and, well, you know the rest,” said Rarity as she softly nuzzled her little daughter.
The unicorn family stood in the grand foyer of the palace, waiting for their ride home. Princess Celestia had generously offered to have them flown back to Ponyville in her own personal chariot. Applespike was going with them but Zany opted to stay and, in his own words, “help clean up”. Twinkle promised to make sure he did.
“I’m so glad you came when you did,” said the little alicorn. “That Goodnight had us all in a bad way.” She shuddered at the memory. “I hope I never get struck with a spell like that again.”
“I do not believe he will be casting any more spells where he’s going,” replied Fancy Pants with an uncharacteristic smirk. After the duel, the Royal Guards had come and taken Goodnight away to the dungeon. Applespike, remembering the dark unicorn’s threat at the Gala, couldn’t help but smile.
I sure hope he likes his hay and water , he thought.
“Where did you learn to fight like that, Uncle Fancy?” asked Zany.
“Well, I was a member of the dueling team in school,” the unicorn stallion replied demurely. “We weren’t permitted to use such violent spells during competition, though some of us did practice them in secret.”
“Too bad Ponyville doesn’t have a dueling team,” mused Zany. A wicked grin scrawled across his face as he imagined the spells he could use on unwitting opponents. “That would be fun.”
“Until they made you follow the rules,” Twinkle snorted. “You’ve never liked any organized sport.”
“I still say hockey sticks and croquet mallets bring something to Buck Ball,” muttered Zany.
Meanwhile, Applespike was glancing at Fancy Pants, steeling himself for what he knew he had to do. Slowly, he stepped up to the urbane stallion and nervously cleared his throat. Fancy Pants looked down at him curiously.
“Yes, my boy?” he asked kindly.
Applespike nervously licked his lips. “Sir…I…I just want to ask you--” His voice faltered. He cleared his throat and tried again. “I want to ask you, sir… if I may, please... date Jewel?”
“W-what?” asked Fancy Pants with an incredulous laugh.
“I am in love with Jewel!” Applespike blurted. “She is the most wonderful filly I have ever known and I would do anything for her! I know I ain’t a well-to-do gentlecolt, sir, but I love her and that should matter more than all the bits in—”
“Applespike, please!” Fancy Pants interrupted, holding up a hoof. “I understand what you are trying to say. I am just surprised that you thought you had to ask!”
Applespike stood in stunned silence as the stallion placed a kindly hoof on his shoulder. “I would be more than happy to give you permission to court my daughter. If she is willing, that is.”
“I am,” said Jewel, blushing happily. “Perhaps, we could go up to the hill with the lone apple tree and watch the stars.”
“Bring the blanket and I’ll bring the refreshments,” replied Applespike, a blush crossing his own muzzle. “Apple dumplings and plenty of cold, sweet milk.”
Further discussion ended as a large Pegasus guard entered the foyer and announced that the chariot was ready. Rarity, Gemstone, and Jewel all kissed Twinkle and Zany ‘Good-bye’ while Fancy Pants gave them each a grateful, heartfelt hug. They watched as the unicorn family plus Applespike disappeared through the enormous arched doorway that led to the chariot yard.
“Well, that’s the end of another whirlwind adventure,” Zany sighed deeply as the heavy door closed behind them. “I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the end of the Chaotic Three.”
“They’re still your best friends, Zany,” said Twinkle comfortingly. “You three might not pal around like you once did, but I know they’d never desert you.”
Zany shrugged. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. After all, your moms didn’t stop being friends with my mom just because she married the Lord of Chaos.”
Twinkle raised an inquisitive eyebrow. “So, what are you saying? You think those two are gonna get married some day?”
“Hey, I ship it!”
Twinkle looked at him strangely, then decided to change the subject.
“I guess we better get started cleaning up,” she said. “It shouldn’t take long to tidy up the throne room and the garden.”
“And your tower,” Zany added.
“And my t—WHAT?”
“Yeah,” said Zany, airily waving a hoof. “We kinda made an eensy, teensy mess in the tower when we escaped and…”
“ZANY DRACONEQUESS! WHAT IN CELESTIA’S NAME DID YOU DO TO MY LOFT?”
“Wow!” Zany muttered, waggling a hoof in his ear. “You’ve certainly got the Canterlot Voice down pat. Now, if you could make it thunder and lightning—”
“Oh, for crying out loud!” cried Twinkle in exasperation. She teleported them both to her tower loft.
Author's Note
Not the last chapter! One more to go!
The Chaotic Three: A Zany Story
A Zany Ending...or Beginning
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!”
Zany wisely conjured himself a pair of earmuffs as Twinkle’s scream of horror hit decibels even Pinkie Pie at her most excited could not reach. He could swear the floorboards vibrated. The loft was in worse shape than he remembered. Almost everything in the neat little room was coated in sticky white marshmallow: the walls, the windows, the furniture, the books. OH, Great Celestia! The books! He was surprised Twinkle hadn’t fainted dead away when she saw all her tomes buried in marshmallow. Luckily, all of them had been shelved when the bomb went off, or the damage would have been worse.
“You know, technically, this was not my fault,” said Zany when Twinkle stopped screaming to gasp for air. “Applespike is the one who actually threw the Marshmallow bomb.”
“Which you provided!” growled Twinkle through clenched teeth.
“Which I provided,” Zany conceded with a nod. “But there’s no need to panic. I can fix this.”
“You better fix it, buster! Or I’ll make sure you have nightmares for a year!”
The draconequess brushed off the threat. “Just watch.”
Zany's eyes glowed white, encasing everything in his magic. Carefully, he applied the spell he had used to clean up the foals on Nightmare Night. At least these were inanimate objects so he didn’t have to be too gentle. Slowly, the hardened confection peeled off the books, the shelves, and the windows. There was some resistance from the furniture and the rugs as the sticky stuff clung to the fibers but he managed to remove it without doing too much damage. The rug looked a little faded and the couch cushions were a little rough, but Twinkle was not picky about that.
The little alicorn simply nodded her head in approval.
“That’s better,” she said quietly.
“Thank you for the crumbs from your table, Mrs. Hives,” said Zany with an ironic bow. “Does this suit you or does your threat of nightmares still stand?”
Twinkle blushed and looked away, ashamed. “I’m sorry, Zany. I shouldn’t have lost my temper. I know you guys were just defending yourselves.”
Zany gasped. “Excuse me? Have I heard right?” He placed a hoof over his heart and pretended to swoon. “Is Twinkle Sparkle actually apologizing to me ?”
“And you’re making me regret it already,” Twinkle grunted.
“Sorry, but I can’t help it!” Zany turned a gleeful mid-air flip. “This is a momentous occasion! It is the first time I can remember you ever apologizing to me.”
Twinkle raised a disbelieving eyebrow. “Honestly?”
“Yeah. Whenever we got in trouble for fighting, I was the one who always ended up having to apologize. Of course,” Zany added with a chuckle. “I was the one who usually instigated the fights, so I guess it would make sense that I would be doing all the apologizing.”
Twinkle grinned. “Like the time you made my book snap like a crocodile and then chased me with it?”
“Yeah,” Zany laughed, showing his fang. “Or the time we were playing firefighter and I singed your tail?”
“And mom had to trim it so I ended up looking like a colt from the back,” replied Twinkle sourly. “You kept calling me ‘Twink-tail’.”
“I forgot about that!” Zany laughed so hard, he rolled onto his back. “Oh, I’ve really got to write that one down!” A notebook and quill appeared in front of him. “T-W-I-N-K-T-A-I-L.”
“I was at a disadvantage when it came to name calling,” Twinkle huffed. “There isn’t much you can do with a name like ‘Zany’.”
“I don’t know. I thought ‘Zany Insaney Broccoli Chow Meiny’ had a ring to it,” Zany replied, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “Though, you did call me ‘Lamey” once. That kinda got to me.”
“I forgot that one!” the little alicorn giggled. “So, I did manage to zing you!”
“You’re the only one who dared to,” replied Zany. “Jewel and Applespike are my closest friends. We’d get annoyed with each other sometimes, but we knew each other’s limits and respected that.”
Twinkle stopped giggling. “So, are you saying you didn’t respect me growing up?”
Zany thought about that a moment. “No, it wasn’t that. You were just so aggravating! Little Miss Orderly! Little Miss Goody-Two-Shoes! You were just begging for me to bug you! Besides,” he added, pointing to her horn. “You were an alicorn with some pretty amazing magic for your age. I knew you could handle it.”
“Humph!” Twinkle grunted. “Glad to know you thought I was such a bad flank.”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong! You were a scaredy-cat at first. But once you learned how to control your magic, you were able to hold your own,” Zany grinned wickedly. “For instance, I knew you wouldn’t freak if I did THIS!”
POOF!
“What…” Twinkle eeped in surprise as a nest of hissing green snakes suddenly appeared in her face. She threw up a hoof to slap them away then realized they were attached to her head. A slithering sensation on her flank and legs told her that her tail was also involved.
“Maredusa,” she said dryly as she magicked her mane and tail back to normal. “Nice to know you actually read the ancient myths.”
“I just read it for the monsters,” said Zany, shrugging.
“Really? Do you remember this one ?”
ZAP!
“What the—” Zany saw his reflection in a nearby window. His head was not changed, but his body was like a giant vulture. “You turned me into a Harpy!”
“Yes!” Twinkle crowed. “Or should I say a Zarpy ?”
“Leave the puns to the expert, Sparkle!” Zany growled as he changed himself back. “Or should I say Spidermare ?”
POOF!
The little alicorn fought down a scream as a cluster of spiders suddenly appeared, crawling through her mane and making a web on her horn.
“Good one, Zany” she said, trying not to shudder as she banished arachnids. “Or is it Fleazy ?”
ZAP!
“WHOA!” Zany couldn’t help but screech and dance as a horde of fleas invaded his coat.
“Oh, you are asking for it, Twinkle Toes !”
POOF!
Twinkle looked down and saw all four of her hooves had turned into purple feet with toes!
“I’ll get your goat , Zany!”
ZAP!
“Hey!” Zany found himself turned into a little gray goat with two tiny horns. His stubby goat tail twirled furiously as he glowered at Twinkle.
“Oh, you have made a baaaaaaaad mistake,” he bleated.
POOF!
Twinkle squeaked as she sprouted a coat of long, thick fleece.
“I’ll bet you feel sheepish ,” Zany sneered.
“Maybe,” she grinned.
BUZZ!
Zany’s pink mane and tail fell to the floor in a heap.
“But I’m not the one getting sheared ,” teased Twinkle.
POOF!
Twinkle found herself encased in a giant marshmallow.
ZAP!
Zany was trapped up to his neck inside a giant zucchini.
POOF!
Twinkle grew the back legs of a kangaroo.
ZAP!
Zany grew the long, gangly legs of an emu.
“Enough of this!” yelled Zany.
POOF!
Twinkle’s horn was replaced with an upside down vanilla ice cream cone.
“What? Zany!” the little alicorn cried, realizing she could no longer work her magic.
“I win!” cried Zany, hoof-pumping. “Whoo-hoo! I win! I always knew I would win if we were ever left alone long enough to duke it out!”
Twinkle stepped up to him, vanilla ice cream melting down her muzzle. “Who said I conceded defeat?” she asked primly.
“Excuse me?” Zany huffed. “I took your horn, little filly! You can’t do magic without it, so I win!”
“But I haven’t admitted defeat,” Twinkle insisted with a smirk. “And it’s still my turn.”
The draconequess colt grinned in her face. “What are you gonna do without a horn?” he sneered.
“This!”
Zany gasped in surprise as Twinkle lunged forward and planted a kiss on his lips. Magic crackled through his fur, making it stand on end. His mane stiffened and his bobbed tail stood up like the bristles on a broom.
POP!
Twinkle slowly pulled back as her precious horn was restored. Zany stared at her wide-eyed, his brain trying to process what had happened. Tentatively, he licked his lips. They tasted of vanilla ice cream.
“Thank you, Zany,” said Twinkle, breaking him from his trance. She started to back away.
“Stop!” cried Zany, finding his voice. “We—we’re not done!”
“You gave me back my horn,” Twinkle teased. “Doesn’t that mean you admit defeat?”
“No,” he said. He was breathing hard and his voice was husky with emotion. “It-it’s my turn.”
Twinkle raised an inquisitive eyebrow. “Your turn for what?” she asked softly.
Zany’s response was to pull her to him, capturing her mouth with his. He moaned softly, savoring every detail. Her lips were soft and plush like velvet and tasted of sweet vanilla. Twinkle kissed him back, her arms encircling his neck. Magic crackled through his body and into hers. Twinkle whimpered at the sensation. This was not like the angry blast of magic she had channeled when Zany had wanted to hurt Stud Muffin. This was soft, warm, and tingly like a massage with tiny little fingers ruffling her fur.
“Zany,” she whispered when their lips finally parted.
“Yes?”
She swallowed hard. “This-this feels…”
“Right?” he whispered back. Twinkle could only nod.
They kissed again, melting into each other like chocolate.
“Well, well, well! What have we here?”
Zany and Twinkle both ‘eeped’ in surprise. They looked up and found Discord frowning down at them, his lion’s paw and eagle talon crossed over his chest. Standing right beside him was a blushing, slack-jawed Princess Twilight Sparkle.
“Twinkle?” she managed to squeak.
“So ,” said Discord. “I return home after an exhaustive search of every baby shop in Winnypeg, thinking I can relax and put my feet up for a while, only to find out you have gone missing! Not just you, but Applespike, too! I am about to pull out your mother’s mirror when who should come flying into Ponyville but Rarity and her family with Applespike in Tia’s personal chariot! They inform me that you are in Canterlot, cleaning up some of the mess you helped make!
THEN, while we are still imagining the glorious mayhem that must entail, Twilight here gets a message from Princess Luna letting her know how proud she should be of Twinkle for standing up to bullies and seeing justice done for poor Jewel! So, the two of us come to Canterlot, me to collect you and Twilight to congratulate her daughter, only to find you two-- in here-- alone-- SNOGGING!”
Zany put himself between Twinkle and Discord as his father’s red irises burst into flames.
“N-n-now, Discord,” Twilight stammered. “Let’s not be too hasty. Let’s hear what they have to say.” She looked hopefully at Twinkle.
“Yes,” agreed Discord, glaring down at Zany. “What do you have to say for yourself?”
“Well,” said Zany, his arm slowly easing around Twinkle’s waist. “I just have to say…Goodbye!”
POOF!
The couple vanished.
The draconequess and alicorn stared at the empty space where the two budding lovers had been. There was a long uncomfortable silence. Finally, Discord let out a long, defeated sigh.
“Well, I guess there’s only one thing left to do.”
“What's that?” asked Twilight.
Discord threw his arms open wide and smiled his big, toothy, mischievous smile.
“Welcome you to the family!”
Twilight gulped. "Eeep!"
Author's Note
Finally, the end of a "Zany Story". I had a lot of fun writing this and I do plan to write a sequel and side story some time. I also have some ideas outside DF's DoD Universe I want to try.
The Chaotic Three: A Zany Story
The time went swiftly by. At least, it did for Applejack, Twilight, and Rarity. Cinnamon Roll left the day before the Gala to help her griffon mentor prepare the food for the event. Twinkle accompanied her, claiming she needed to finish some research. Flash Sentry, who was called to Canterlot to provide extra security, promised to watch over the girls on their trip. Their mothers stood on the train station platform, trying not to cry.
Rarity met them at the station with their respective gowns already finished and carefully wrapped to keep them clean.
“Make sure you hang them when you get to your rooms,” she instructed them. “If they get wrinkled, a little steam should smooth them out.”
“Thanks, Aunt Rarity,” the girls chorused as they hugged the Unicorn fashionista goodbye.
Applejack, Spike, and Applespike brought bags of snacks for the trip. “You know it's not that far to Canterlot,” said Twinkle to Applespike as he slipped a paper bag of goodies into her saddlebag. “I doubt we'll even have time to get hungry.”
Applespike shrugged. “You know how we Apples are when it comes to food. You don't have to eat it on the train. You can wait till you get back to the school.”
“Thanks,” Twinkle glanced around. “Where's Zany?”
“He couldn't come. His dad's got some crazy idea that you two are going to run away together so he sealed him in a magic proof bubble and locked him in his room. He asked me to tell you 'Goodbye' for him.”
“Well, that's ...nice of him,” said Twinkle, thinking that didn't sound like Zany at all. She was a little disappointed. She had hoped the chaotic colt would show up, at least to get revenge for the ladle incident. “Tell him...'Bye'...and I'll see him at the Gala.”
“All aboard!” called the conductor, and the three travelers hurriedly boarded the train. Cinnamon Roll sat opposite Twinkle Sparkle and Flash. She bounced in her seat, eager to be going.
“Well, you're certainly happy to be returning to Canterlot,” said Flash, grinning. “You must be excited to be helping Gustave with the food this year.”
“Oh, yes, sir! It's a real honor. I can't believe he chose me to be his assistant! Well, me and Gulliand.”
“Who is Gulliand?” asked Twinkle, frowning. “That doesn't sound like a pony name.”
“It isn't. He's Gustave's nephew. He's studying to be a chef, too, but he's not into eclairs. He does stews and soups. He makes a delicious gumbo!”
All three ponies had eaten a good breakfast that morning, but the mention of food had their stomach's rumbling. Twinkle opened the bag Applespike had given her. There were apple slices, of course, with a little cup of peanut butter to dip them in, an apple brown betty wrapped in wax paper, a bunch of grapes, and a tiny paper bag tied with pink yarn. Twinkle untied the yarn and peeked inside. Green sour apple crystal candy! Her favorite! She popped it into her mouth and began to suck on it. Mmmmm! So tart but so good!
"Hey, no fair!" cried Cinnamon Roll, searching through her bag of goodies. “That little stinker didn't pack me any candy!”
“Me neither,” said Flash. “Maybe Twinkle is supposed to share—Great Celestia! Twinkle! What's happening to your face?”
“Huh?” asked Twinkle, turning to her Dad.
“Oh my gosh!” cried Cinnamon Roll, her eyes wide. “Twinkle! Your face! It's... GREEN!”
“With purple polka dots!” added Flash.
“WHAT!” Twinkle pulled out a mirror to examine herself. Her face was green as a Granny Smith apple with light purple polka dots spotting her cheeks and muzzle. How in Celestia's name...? The candy! Twinkle spat it out. Ugh! Her tongue was green with purple polka dots too!
“ZANY!” she shouted. Cinnamon Roll and Flash hid their giggling behind their hooves. Though Twinkle knew Zany was nowhere near, she thought she could hear him laughing too.
“Laugh while you can,” she muttered as she used her horn to change her face back to normal. “Just wait until the Gala!”
Locked in his room in his magic proof bubble, Zany rolled with laughter watching Twinkle in his mother's magic mirror. It was the same mirror she had used to see her friends when his father first took her as his bride and refused to let her go. It would not have worked inside the bubble, but Applespike had tied it to the bedpost so he could watch.
The look of shock on the alicorn's face when she realized what had happened was priceless. Oh, he needed to play that part again! The scene rewound and he happily watched it again and again. Too bad there was no audio, but he didn't want his Dad hearing it and taking the mirror away.
Zany frowned as Twinkle easily turned herself back to normal.
"Drat! I knew I should have made that spell more complex!" His bubble prison rolled across the floor as she paced, deep in thought. "Applespike needs to smuggle me some more candy. Maybe hot cinnamon apple this time. Ooooh! Maybe candy that makes you breathe fire!" He shook his head. The Princesses might not like it if the guests accidentally burned down the palace.
“I guess I better stick with the color changing spell,” he decided after a long while. “Green with pink polka dots would be best. I just need to change the variables so it's a little harder to undo.”
"Sounds like a plan to me!"
"Dad!" Zany jumped as Discord appeared directly in front of him. "Wha-- what are you doing in here?"
"Looking for your mother's magic mirror. And I seem to have found it!" Discord floated over and untied the knots with a flick of his claw. His eyebrow went up as he gazed at the image in the mirror.
Zany bit his lip. "You're not going to keep me going to the Gala, are you?"
"Of course not!" Discord snorted. "Pulling pranks at the Gala is a long-standing tradition with us! I wouldn't let something like that alicorn Lolita keep us from it!"
"Oh, good," sighed Zany in relief.
"Of course," added Discord, grinning slyly. "That doesn't mean I'm not above forcing my son to watch a few hours of Granny Smith having her hooves scaled and polished."
"ARG! NOOOOOO!
It was afternoon when the train reached the Canterlot station. Flash Sentry gave his daughter a big hug before heading to the palace.
“I'll see you later, my little filly.” he said. “If you need anything, you know where to reach me.”
“Same here, Dad,” said Twinkle, grinning. “Love you.”
Cinnamon Roll walked beside Twinkle as they made their way through the narrow avenues to their respective schools. The two fillies trotted in easy silence, the Earth pony keeping her eyes on the street ahead while the alicorn gazed up at the grand buildings that rose up on either side. Before long they reached an ivy covered arch with a sign shaped like a golden cooking pot hanging from the top of it.
“See you at the Gala!” called Cinnamon Roll as she trotted under the arch.
Twinkle waited until her friend was safely inside before trotting confidently to the Unicorn school campus. The school was mostly deserted. Even the library was closed, much to her annoyance. Oh, well. She had plenty of books in her room. Maybe one of them would have the answers she needed.
Twinkle's “room” was actually a tower: the same tower her mother had lived in while studying under Princess Celestia. Many of her mother's books and things were still there. Twinkle sighed happily as she closed the door behind her and breathed in the bookish smell. She hung her new gown in the closet with some fresh cedar chips to keep out the moth then trotted upstairs to the bedroom. Rows of shelves lined the walls from floor to ceiling. The shelves were loaded with books, scrolls, diagrams, maps, globes, binoculars, and telescopes.
Twinkle perused the sections. “Let's see: Astronomy...Biology...Culinary Arts (need to give that to Cinnamon Roll)...Dragon Lore...Ah-ha! Equestrian Law!” She levitated the heavy books to the floor and checked the titles. “Consumer Law. Real Estate Law. Business Law. Family Law. Ah! Labor Law!” Her face fell. The book was as thick as a feather mattress!
Twinkle sighed. “Looks like I've got my work cut out for me.”
Princess Luna flew over the School for Gifted Unicorns campus. Everything was quiet and peaceful. Most of the students were at home with their families. The ones who stayed were most likely in their bunks with the curtains drawn. She was about to leave, when something caught her eye. A candle was burning in Twilight Sparkle's tower!
Luna flew in for a closer look. She landed on the balcony quiet as an owl and silently stepped inside. Twinkle lay on her bed, her head resting on an enormous book laid open in front of her. Her eyes were closed and she was snoring softly. The princess chuckled.
"Back so soon, my prized pupil?" she asked.
Twinkle snorted and jerked her head up. "Oh, Princess Luna!" she said yawning. "Is it night already?"
"Aye, child. The stars emerged over an hour ago and the moon has been set on its path." The dark alicorn stepped up to the bed and peered curiously at the open book. "A little light reading?" she asked with a smirk.
"Just doing some research for a friend," answered Twinkle.
Luna twisted her head to look at the page. "A law book!" she said, raising her eyebrows. "Don't tell me your friend has run afoul of the law!"
"No, your majesty. I'm researching Equestria's labor laws. A friend of mine signed a contract that I'm not sure about and I was checking to see if it was legit." Twinkle looked ruefully at the huge book. "But I think it's going to take a little longer than I thought."
Luna smiled. "Well, remember you have a ready resource in me. After all, I helped write most of laws myself." The princess of the night plopped herself down on the rug next to the bed. "Now, tell me about your visit home. It has been a long time since you last went to Ponyville."
"I had a ball!" Twinkle giggled. "Wait till you hear about the joke I played on Zany!"
"Zany?" Luna grinned. "The son of Discord? Do tell!"
Twinkle gleefully related what had happened at the train station and the look on the chaotic colt's face when he realized he had been flirting with his old rival. Then she told about the prank he had pulled at the dinner party and the consequences he had suffered at the hooves of the vengeful Cinnamon Roll. Princess Luna giggled helplessly, wiping tears with the back of her hoof.
"And then--hee, hee, hee-- you turned the marshmallow into a ladle! That is priceless, Twinkle! Priceless!"
The little alicorn and her mentor laughed like school girls at a sleepover Luna had a reputation of being serious and strict, but she also had a mischievous streak a mile wide and loved a good prank almost as much as Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. Twinkle's relationship with the princess was not the same as the one her mother had with Celestia. Twilight regarded Princess Celestia as a wise mother figure who could do no wrong. Twinkle regarded Princess Luna as a wise older sister who sometimes made mistakes, but always made up for them.
"Well," said Luna, after she had laughed herself out. "Zany is definitely a colt who may be needing a lawyer one day! Oh, my! I heard he is attending the Gala this year. Is that true?"
"Oh, yes! And he has been planning pranks for the past two months. I guess it's a good thing I'm attending this year. I can help keep an eye on him."
"Really," said Luna slyly. "Are you sure there isn't more to it than that?"
Twinkle blushed and looked away. "Maybe. I wouldn't... mind too much is he... asked me to...dance. But please, don't let Discord hear that! He might banish me to the moon...or even another dimension!"
"He won't hear it from me," promised Luna.
They were interrupted as Twinkle's stomach growled loudly, reminding her she had not eaten any supper. She pulled out her leftover bag of snacks and dumped them onto the bed. There were some grapes left and the brown betty still wrapped in wax-paper. Twinkle offered some to Luna.
"I've already eaten, thank you." The dark alicorn sat patiently as her star student polished off the grapes and the pastry. Twinkle remembered to daintily wipe her lips with the napkin Applejack had thoughtfully included.
"Well,my prized pupil," said Princess Luna after a while. "You have told me some amusing stories about your friends. But, what about your mother? How is she taking the news that her daughter is being mentored by a princess of Canterlot?"
"She's very proud. She told me so herself," said Twinkle, looking away. Luna placed a hoof on her shoulder.
"But she wishes it was the other princess of Canterlot doing the honors, doesn't she?"
"Please don't be angry," begged Twinkle. "Mom does like you and she trusts you! She just doesn't know you like I do."
"I am not angry, Twinkle," said Luna soothingly. "Your mother was Celestia's pupil. It's only natural she would want the same for you. Besides," she added with a wink. "your mother doesn't know about your special talent, does she?"
Twinkle shook her head. "It was hard, but I kept it quiet, just like you asked."
"Good. Now, I wasn't planning on giving a lesson tonight. But seeing as you're rested and awake..."
Twinkle leaped off the bed and stood eagerly beside her mentor. "Ready when you are, princess!"
"Very well." Princess Luna lowered her head. Her horn glowed like a full moon on a clear night.
"Here we go."
The Chaotic Three: A Zany Story
“Then Jewel led us across the campus and, well, here we are,” concluded Applespike. He and Jewel sat at a table across from Twinkle Sparkle, enjoying a snack of milk and donuts. The dragon-pony wasn’t exactly thrilled with the milk, which was not farm fresh, but Jewel filled her glass again and again.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve tasted whole sweet milk,” she explained as she licked the milk moustache from her lip. “Celestia help me, if somepony offers me another glass of skim or coconut milk, I believe I will scream!”
“I always wondered how you get milk from a coconut,” Zany mused as he lazed in a hammock Twinkle had fashioned for him from an old blanket. “I mean, what do you squeeze? Where are the udders?”
PFFFFFT! Milk sprayed across the table, hitting Twinkle in the face.
“Sorry,” Jewel managed to choke.
“It’s okay.” The little alicorn wiped her face with napkin. “If only Cherry Signfield, up there would take a nap, like I TOLD him to—” she added, giving Zany a glare.
“Well, I’m sorry, but Jewel’s story was so interesting I just had to stay awake to hear it.” Zany turned on his side and peered proudly at the little unicorn. “You did good, kid,” he said, levitating his glass of milk and clinking it against hers. “You did good!”
“What did I tell you about that!” Twinkle cried. She seized his glass with her aura and wrestled it away. “No magic! The only cure for Magical Exhaustion is rest.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” the chaotic colt muttered petulantly. He rolled onto his back and stared at the rafters. “Of course, I’d probably sleep better if I had a blanket and a pillow. Honestly, Twinkle, being the host and all, you could offer to make your guests comfortable.”
Twinkle sighed.“Fine.”
She tossed him a small blanket and feather pillow. Zany looked at them, a big mischievous grin spreading across his face.
“Could you cover me up?”
“What?”
Zany looked down at Twinkle with big sad eyes and a quivering lip. “Could you please cover me up?” he asked again.
Twinkle took a deep breath and counted to ten. “Of course,” she answered sweetly. She tucked the pillow under his head and spread the blanket over him. Zany wriggled happily down into the hammock.
“Is that better?” Twinkle asked.
“Yes, thank you.”
“Good. I need to talk to Applespike about—"
“But, could you plump up my pillow?”
Twinkle gritted her teeth. “What?”
“Could you plump up my pillow for me,” he repeated. “It’s a little flat.”
Twinkle’s face blazed red. “All right,” she snapped. She flew up so she was hovering over the draconequess, snatched up the pillow, shook it out, and gave it a few good whacks with her hoof.
“Anything else?” she growled as she tucked it behind his head again.
Zany looked thoughtful.“Ummm…”
“Ask me for a teensy-weensy glass of water and you lose a fang!”
“I think I’m okay for now,” said Zany airily. He wriggled comfortably down into his cocoon and waved a dismissive hoof. “Ask me later.”
“What did you want to talk about, Twinkle?” asked Applespike before the angry alicorn could turn the hammock into a slingshot and send his friend crashing through the roof. “We got Jewel. What else do we need to do?”
“We need to get Jewel’s parents up here as soon as possible,” replied Twinkle, fluttering down to her place at the table. “They need to be here so they can claim her. Otherwise, she may have to go back with Picture Perfect.”
“W-what!” the little unicorn blanched. Applespike threw a protective arm around her and drew her close to him. Angry smoke billowed from his nostrils.
“I’d like to see the varmint try and take her!” he growled.
Twinkle shook her head. “If her parents aren’t here, she may have no choice. Jewel is a minor. Picture Perfect is her legal guardian when Rarity and Fancy Pants aren’t around. If he has a good lawyer, it wouldn’t take much for him to convince the authorities to hoof her over to him.”
“He does have a good lawyer,” Jewel despaired. “Mare Culpa. One of the best business lawyers in Manehattan.”
“I’ve heard of her,” Twinkle tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Is she the one who drew up your contract?”
Jewel shook her head. “No.That was a stallion lawyer from Canterlot named Salty Goodpony. Picture Perfect was in a hurry to get me, so he hired him to handle the details.”
“A cheap lawyer, no doubt,” Twinkle snorted derisively. “This might be easier than I thought.”
“Twinkle,” Applespike leaned towards her, eagerly. “Are you hintin' that you know a way we can get Jewel out of that contract?”
The little alicorn grinned. “Maybe…” she said. “I can definitely throw doubt on it. I’ve done some research on the Equestrian Labor laws and I believe Jewel’s contract may be in violation of those laws.”
Jewel pressed her trembling hooves to her mouth as a small tear trickled down her cheek. “Does…does this mean my contract is null and void?” she whispered hopefully.
Twinkle sighed and shook her head. “I wish it were that easy. The problem is you signed the contract. Any lawyer worth their salt would argue that, legal or not, you signed and accepted the conditions listed in it.”
“But I didn’t know!” Jewel cried. “I would have never signed if I had known!”
“I know that, sweetheart.It’s okay.” Twinkle dried the unicorn’s tears with a hoof-kerchief. “Here, blow.” She held it as Jewel blew her nose and carefully wiped her muzzle. “I said it wouldn’t be easy. I never said it was impossible.”
“But, how?” asked Applespike.
“The answer to that, my dear dragon pony, would require more research,” replied Twinkle, grinning again. “Luckily, I have a friend who has taken an interest in the case and has agreed to assist with my investigation. I am expecting news from her anytime now.”
“So, what do we do now?” asked Jewel.
“We get a message to your parents, telling them they need to come to Canterlot at once.” Twinkle levitated her quill, inkwell, and parchment to the table and began to write. “Hopefully, Picture Perfect won’t realize you’re here, and that will buy us some time.” She glanced at Applespike. “Have you ever sent a message to somepony other than Jewel?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’ve sent Ma and Uncle Big Mac invoices and receipts before.”
“Perfect.” Twinkle quickly read through her letter before rolling it into a scroll and tying it with a red ribbon. She gave the scroll to Applespike. The dragon-pony balanced it on the end of his hoof and softly blew on it. A small green flame engulfed the letter, reducing it to ash and smoke. They all watched as the tendrils of magical smoke swirled upwards then disappeared.
“Well, that’s out of the way,” said Twinkle briskly. “Now, we just have to wait.” She looked at Jewel and noticed the weariness in the unicorn’s eyes. “Looks like Zany isn’t the only one who’s worn out. Why don’t you lay down and take a nap? You can use my bed.”
“Oh, I couldn’t impose,” Jewel protested.
“It’s okay,” Twinkle assured her. “I have a class in an hour so I need to be up anyway.”
“But we woke you up,” Jewel continued as the little alicorn lifted her in her magic and laid her in the bed. Twinkle plumped the pillow and gently tucked her in. “And you were up all night, guarding our dreams—”
“Shhh!” Twinkle shushed her, glancing over her shoulder at Zany’s hammock. Jewel put a hoof to her lips. Oops!
“What was that?” asked Zany, raising his body enough to look down at them. “What are you guarding?”
“Nothing! Nothing at all,” Twinkle assured him, grinning broadly. “Nothing for you to be worried about. Absolutely nothing. At all!”
Zany looked at her strangely. “Then why are you talking the way your mother does whenever she gets nervous? And why do you have that creepy grin?”
“Oh, uh, no reason. Come on, now. You really need your rest." She flew up and gently pushed him back down into the hammock. “Let me tuck you back in and make you all comfy.” She adjusted his pillow and tucked the blanket in securely around him. She then set the hammock to gently sway back and forth. “There, isn’t that better?”
“Uh, yeah,” said Zany, giving her a suspicious look. “Perfect.”
“Good! Now, I need to get a shower and get to class! Applespike, you can nap on the sofa if you like. I’ll just get you a blanket…”
“That’s okay.I’m not tired,” Applespike replied.“ Besides, somepony has to stay awake since you’re not going to be here.”
“Good point! Here, you can read this while I’m gone.” Twinkle removed a book from a nearby shelf and laid it on the table in front of him. “I think you’ll like this one.”
“Uh, thanks,” the dragon-pony smiled politely. “Farmer Colt by Laurel Ingot Wild. Sounds…great.”
“If you like it, I’ll lend you the other books in the series,” Twinkle smiled.
Applespike blanched.“S-series?”
“Nine books total. Just tell me what you think and I’ll hook you up! Now, I really need to get bathed. We’ll talk some more when I get out.” With that, Twinkle trotted to the bathroom and locked the door.
“Well, the apple sure didn’t fall far from the tree,” Applespike muttered, glancing at the book. “Hope she doesn’t want a book report.”
Jewel chuckled softly and nestled down into the bed. Mmmm…the pillow and sheets smelled pleasantly of lavender and vanilla. Such a calming, soothing smell. She closed her eyes and let all the fear and tension drain out of her. She was safe. She was among friends. Nothing could harm her.
“Humph,” Zany muttered as he closed his eyes, the hammock’s rocking lulling him to sleep. “I know what I heard. Guarding dreams. I…wonder…what…that…Mmmmm.”
Applespike looked at his friends dozing off in their respective beds and listened to the sizzling sound of water coming from the bathroom.
“Oh, well,” he shrugged, plopping down on the rug with his book. “Guess I ain’t got nothing better to do.”
“Big Bits Brony, come to the front of the class.”
Little Almond sat low in his desk. Big Bits and his gang of bullies had bragged that if the teacher ever tried to discipline them, they were going to thrash him! They were all big farm ponies and the teacher was so little. It just wasn’t fair!
Big Bits rushed up the aisle. "Come on, boys! Time for the fun!" The little Earth pony teacher calmly stepped from behind the desk. There was a hiss and a long black snake whip wrapped itself around the bully’s leg. The teacher jerked and the huge colt hit the floor with a thud that shook the schoolhouse. Big Bits’ gang of bullies trembled at the back of the room as the teacher thrashed and drove their leader from the schoolhouse.”
Applespike lay on a rug under one of the big windows reading the book Twinkle had given him. The dragon-pony wasn’t a big fan of reading, but he was enjoying the story. It was about a farm pony named Almond who lived back in the days before Granny Smith was born.
He grinned as he read how the teacher thrashed the big bullies. Served the varmints right! He turned the page and almost laughed at the illustration of the blubbering Big Bits getting whipped by the smaller stallion while Almond looked on in awe.
The bully in the picture resembled the big unicorn henchponies who worked for Picture Perfect. Wish I had a black snake whip, he thought. I’d show those varmints a thing or two!
A small yawn like the cooing of a dove, made him look up. Jewel raised her head and looked around blinking.
“Goodness, how long have I slept?” she asked.
“Little over two hours,” replied Applespike. “I’ve just been sitting here reading and listening to the two of you saw logs.”
“Did I snore?” Jewel asked, horrified.
“Like a hog in mud,” Applespike grinned. “Oh, come on, Jewel, I’m just teasing!” he added as the little unicorn buried her head under the pillow in embarrassment. “It was more like a cat purring.”
She poked her head out and looked at him. “How big a cat?” she asked.
“A kitten,” he assured her. “A teeny-tiny, itsy-bitsy, wee-little…manticore kitten.”
The dragon-pony ducked as the pillow came flying at him.
“Honestly, Applespike! You’re getting as bad as Zany.”
“Hey! No one is as bad as Zany!”
Jewel grinned then glanced around the room. “Is Twinkle still in class? I thought she might be back by now.”
“She told me she was going to the train station after class. The next train from Ponyville comes in at 4:00. Hopefully, your folks will be on it.”
“I’m sure they will be.” Jewel picked up the pillow and placed it back on the bed. “If not, I can expect them on the next train. What time is it?”
“A little after 3:00,” said Applespike, glancing up at the wall clock. “You can get a little snack if you’re hungry. Twinkle said we could help ourselves to anything in the pantry.”
“Water is fine with me.” Jewel levitated a cup to the faucet and filled it with cold water. She sighed as she sipped it down. “Goodness! Being away from Picture Perfect must have affected my taste buds. Even the water tastes good to me!”
“That’s ‘cause it’s fresh straight off the mountain,” Applespike explained. “It’s colder and a little sweeter than the well water back home, but not quite as good for waterin’ crops. I’ll bet it’s better than that water you been drinking on the train.”
“Definitely!” She filled her cup again and drank it down slowly, savoring every drop. “It’s even better than Manehattan, and they always claim to have the best.”
Applespike sniffed. “That’s ‘cause they gotta pipe water in from the in-land mountains. It’s not good and fresh like it is here.”
Jewel chuckled. “Since when did you become such an expert on water, Professor?”
“I had to do a report on water quality for my class project last Fall. I learned quite a bit about—BRAAAAAAAP!”
“Good heavens!” Jewel ducked as green flames erupted from her friend’s mouth. Zany sat up with a cry.
“What the hay—WHOA!” The hammock flipped over, dumping the chaotic colt onto the floor. “Ouch!”
“Are you all right?” asked Jewel, helping him up.
“Yeah, the floor broke my fall,” Zany muttered. He shook himself head to tail. “Tartarus! That was a loud one!” he said, looking reproachfully at the dragon-pony. “What did you do, eat a hydra?”
“I think I burped up a scroll,” replied Applespike, searching the floor. "Oh, here it is!" The dragon-pony picked the scroll up off the rug and quickly untied the ribbon. “It’s got to be from Twinkle. She’s turning me into a regular mailbox!
“Oh, I hope it’s about my parents!” said Jewel, clasping her hooves. “Perhaps they came early.”
She waited eagerly as he quickly read the letter. Suddenly, the grin melted from his face. His eyes widened and his face lost some of its color. Jewel and Zany exchanged an anxious look.
“What? What is it? What’s wrong?”
Applespike gulped. “Picture Perfect’s henchponies just arrived at the station.”
Jewel’s mouth dropped open in horror. “W-w-what?”
“Twinkle saw them get off the train. She recognized Goodnight and the others from the Gala.”
Zany caught Jewel as her trembling legs buckled under her. “No!” she groaned. “They can’t be here! They just can’t!”
“Well, if Twinkie says they’re here, then they’re here,” said Zany brusquely as he gently lowered her to the floor. She sat back on her haunches with her face buried in her hooves. “The question is: What are we gonna do about it?”
Applespike shook his head. “I don’t know. L-let me think…”
“Think!” cried Jewel, lowering her hooves to glare at him. “What is there to think about? I need to get away! I need to get far away!”
“Jewel, I don’t think—”
“Please, Zany,” she begged, literally throwing herself at his hooves.“Please, teleport me away! Anywhere! Just do it!”
The chaotic colt bit his lip, unsure of what he should do. Luckily, Applespike came to his rescue.
“Don’t you dare, Zany!” he commanded, jumping between them. “Her folks are probably on their way right now. If you send her away, it’ll mess up everything!”
He turned to Jewel who was sobbing on the floor. “You have got to calm down, Sugarcube,” he said gently but firmly. “Running away now ain’t gonna help you. We need to stay put as long as we can. Goodnight and his gang might guess you’re in Canterlot, but they don’t know you’re here in Twilight’s Tower.”
“And if they do, we’ll be ready for ‘em!” added Zany, flashing his wicked smile. He held up his front hooves and a brilliant flash of blue lightening arced over his head.“The Crowned Prince of Chaos is back in the house, baby!”
Jewel couldn’t help but give a little choking laugh at that. She sat up and wiped her eyes with the back of her hoof. “Thank you, both. I’m sorry for falling apart like that. You’re right. We need to stay if we can. Any suggestions?”
“Yeah,” growled Zany, suddenly sporting a green military helmet and clenching a blue bubblegum cigar in his teeth. “We prepare to fight! Applespike, you and Jewel secure the loft. I’ll guard the perimeter.”
“Wait!” cried Jewel. “Shouldn’t we have weapons? Just in case?”
Zany gasped in mock horror. “You doubt the awesome powers of the Crowned Prince of Chaos to protect you from harm? You wound me, girl.” There was a whizzing sound and the feathered shaft of an arrow appeared in his side. He plucked it out and tossed it away with a shrug. “Luckily, it’s just a flesh wound.”
“Zany.”
“Just kidding! Here you are!” A large cabinet appeared behind him, filled with a wide assortment of peculiar looking weapons. “So, what are you in the mood for? I got missile launchers, party cannons, cheese poppers, marshmallow bombs, singing swords, Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulators and, my ultimate secret weapon, THIS!”
Zany held up a black iron frying pan.
“Seriously,” muttered Applespike.
“Hey! Never underestimate the power of a frying pan!”
“Let me see it,” said Jewel, seizing the pan with her magic. She lifted it over her head and swung it down in a vicious arc. Both colts stared wide-eyed as the pan cleaved the air just inches from their muzzles. “I’ll take it,” she giggled sweetly.
“Well, I’ve already got fire,” said Applespike, thoughtfully. “But, maybe…the marshmallow bombs. I remember those from the Haunted Candy Factory you did last Nightmare Night.”
“Ah, yes! Kid tested, mother disapproved!” Zany gave him a small wooden box with a picture of a flaming marshmallow on it. “You remember how to use them?”
The dragon-pony nodded. “Just throw, then duck.”
“That’s my boy!” The chaotic colt thumped his friend on the back. “Okay, if everybody’s ready, let’s take up positions! Good luck, and Celestia bless!”
With a quick salute, he and his cabinet of weapons was gone.
Jewel gazed curiously at the box of Marshmallow Bombs. “Um…what exactly does a Marshmallow Bomb do?”
Applespike chuckled. “You’ll see soon enough. All I can tell you is that it’s pretty impressive.”
Jewel grinned. “I’m sure it is, if Zany designed it.”
She sighed and leaned into him, placing her head on his shoulder. The dragon-pony put his arm around her, pulling her closer. He could smell her sweet magnolia scent mixed with the smell of chocolate and sugar.
“I’m still scared,” she whispered into his fur.
Applespike hugged her tighter, brushing his lips against her mane.
“It’s okay,” he murmured. “You got Chaotic magic and dragon fire on your side, now. You’re gonna be all right.”
Jewel closed her eyes and tried not to think of her nightmare: her two best friends, gagged and bound, being dangled over a Tazlwurm’s maw. She did not realize she was trembling until Applespike cupped her chin and raised her head to face him.
“I promise,” he murmured, his green reptilian eyes gazing softly into hers. “Ain’t no pony gonna take you away from me.”
“Pinkie promise?” she asked.
“Cross my heart and hope to fly,” his lips brushed against hers as he whispered the words, sending a delightful tingle up Jewel’s spine “Stick a cupcake in my eye.”
His kiss was warm and Jewel melted into it. Both of them felt the spark, telling them that this was right, that this was good. Applespike’s arms encircled her waist, pulling her closer.
WAAAH! WAAH! WAAH!WAAH!
Jewel and Applespike jumped back in alarm as a siren sounded outside.
“What the hay?” shouted Applespike, looking around. Jewel ran to the window.
“It-it’s Zany!” she cried.“He’s casting a spell!”
Both of them watched as a pearly pink bubble surrounded the tower.
“It’s a shielding spell,” said Jewel. “It keeps anyone from teleporting in.” She clasped the dragon-pony’s hoof tightly. “D-do you know what this means?”
“Yeah,” said Applespike grimly.“They’re here!”
Author's Note
Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulators: belongs to Warner Bros. Looney Toons.
