Princess Cheese-It

by Flutterpriest

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Shining Armor, Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance
Length: 1871

Cadance wants to spice up the bedroom a bit. But it may be just a bit too cheesy for Shining.

It's Cadance and Shining Armor's special night. When they finally settle down in the bedroom, Cadance decides she has a special surprise for her lover. When Shining agrees to get a little spontaneous in the night, he finds he may have signed up for more than he could handle. Will he crumble under pressure? Or will everything turn out Gouda in the end?

Published 2017-03-22 19:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-22 19:00:02 UTC

Looking Gouda-nough to eat

The lights were slowly going out one by one in the Crystal Palace. It was Friday evening, and while some guards still continued their patrol, the castle was lightly staffed. While most of the Crystal Empire bustled below, shuffling to parties or meeting friends at their usual dives, the palace was quiet. Even baby Flurry Heart was put down to rest and sleeping soundly. In fact, the only creatures who weren't working or down for rest, were the Prince and Princess themselves.

Shining pressed his lips against the inside of Cadance's neck. His forehooves were wrapped tightly underneath her back, and hers wrapped tightly around him, pulling him close to her body. She bit her lip, eyes closed, breathing heavily. Her mind swam in a world of desires too sensual and passionate for word or description. Shining traced his lips across her soft, sensitive form, his breath warm against her fur. His mind circulated around a single thought.

'I've been waiting all week for this.'

"Shining," Cadance said, her voice airy and distant towards the end. "Hold on a sec."

Shining stopped, looking up to his wife. He looked down into her deep violet eyes and couldn't help but feel that same burning passion that he felt those years ago the night after their wedding.

"Yeah?" he asked.

Cadance bit her lip and tossed her eyes shyly to the side, as if embarrassed by what was on her mind. She looked back into her husband's deep royal blue gaze and felt more at ease.

"I think... I think I want to try something a little different tonight."

'Shoot,' Shining thought.

"Sure, babe," Shining said, his voice moving to a lower, more seductive tone. "Was there something you had in mind?"

Cadance giggled lightly, then pressed her lips against her husbands. He could feel the way her body pressed against him, and he felt his body temperature rise. His heart pulsed. She broke away from the kiss.

"How about I try slipping into something more... tasteful?" she says, adapting her own tone to something she likely saw from a movie.

"Mmm. Is it roleplay tuesday already?" Shining teased, pressing his lips against his wife's neck once more.

Cadance giggled in what could only be described as girlish delight.

"We should do that again," Cadance said. "It's been awhile since we've done that kink."

"When you're down, I'm down."

Cadance took a hoof and pushed Shining off of her playfully. She rose to sit on the bed, as Shining eyed her form, his mind full of want and lust.

"Don't go anywhere," Cadance teased. "This will only take a second."

Then, with a quick flash of bright blue magic from her horn, the room was filled with light, then she was gone.

Well, except for an abnormally large cheese cracker in front of Shining, lying on the bed. The Cadance-sized crisp had two pink wings, a pink horn, and his wife's manestyle.

Shining paused for a moment to try and absorb what in the world he was now seeing. He tried to take in every little inch of the salt crusted, crunchy treat before him, but with every second he stared at it, there were only more questions popping up in his head.

"Uhh," He said involuntarily. "C-cadance?"

Yet, as the stallion sat on the bed, eyes locked on the perplexing object in front of him, there was no reply.

'First, there was wife,' Shining thought to himself. 'Then there was magic. Now there is a cracker.'

Shining paused, carefully putting the careful pieces of this confusing puzzle together. These cheese squares were Shining's favorite snack. Cadance knew this. But, this particular abomination in front of him was... strange, to say the least. No, it seemed like his wife went on a trip to the cheese-square factory, accidentally fell in one of the vats, then they put this on the crystal throne to see if anypony would notice.

Shining definitely noticed. For one, that tiny hole in the middle of the cracker wasn't big enough. Two, he would need some lube or something. But more importantly, three, why would his wife want to be fucked as a cracker? Sure, they've done the whole 'eat off each other' thing before, which was wonderful until they got to the chocolate pudding dessert. Then they agreed the cleanup wasn't quite worth the goal. The oral was great though.

But that wasn't the point, considering his wife was now a colossally over-sized snack. At this point, Shining did the only thing that came to his currently blood-deprived mind.

"Cadance, did you turn into a Cheesy Square?" he asked the object in front of him.

Which was promptly returned by silence, since crackers don't have mouths. Shining rose off the bed, thoroughly flabbergasted.

"Why would you turn into a Cheesy Square? That doesn't make sense! You can't sex a cheesy square. You eat the-"

And suddenly, Shining froze in his tracks. His eyes widened in horror.

I want to try something a little different tonight

'Oh Celestia, she wants me to eat her.'

"Cadance, sweetie," Shining said, walking towards the unmoving, silent snack form of his wife. "I-I don't think this is a good idea. I mean. What if something goes wrong? I mean, you know that whenever I try to sing Flurry's Night Night Night song my voice cracks and she wakes up. You're her favorite. I-I can't do this alone."

The Cheesy Cadance Square remained silent, because it is a snack food.

"C-can't you give me a sign or something? I mean. I'm all for trying something once, but isn't vore kinda... you know..." he paused, tipping over his words. "weird?"

He turned to the closed bedroom doors, and considered that he should go get some help. Maybe this was a spell just gone catastrophically wrong. Maybe his wife was so overcome with desire that she didn't perform the spell properly.

On the other hand, if she is just keeping up this roleplay act, and Shining brought somepony else into the room, that would pretty much put an end to Roleplay Tuesday for forever. Missing last week's date night was hard enough on Shining. He needed this.

"I-if you're going to be okay. Just, give me a sign," he says, sitting back down on the bed.

When Shining sat down, the spring mattress underneath them sent a shockwave through the rest of the bed. Since the snack was sitting right side up, it fell over onto the pillows.

'Oh god, she's presenting. Well, good enough for me.'

"Alright," he says. "Here we go, I guess."

Shining crawled up the bed towards the cheddar dusted square, the weight of what he was about to do wracking his brain with guilt. He moved up to the square and took in a deep breath. He could smell the artificial flavors in his nose, which reminded him of all of his late night game sessions with friends as a teenager. But it didn't stay long, when he remembered he was about to eat his wife.

He put out his tongue, his body trembling slightly, and tasted the outer edges of it. Somehow, his wife perfectly managed to replicate that cheese square taste, but instead of being impressed, he was only thinking about what part of her body he might have just licked. He hoped it wasn't a hoof. Cadance wasn't okay with hoof things.

But he knew he couldn't dodge the issue for long. His body moved from trembling to a full out shake.

"A-are you sure?" he asked, his voice quivering and weak.

The Princess Cracker didn't say a word.

"O-okay," he said. "Here we go."

He opened his mouth, closed his eyes, and took a large bite out of his wife. He could immediately taste that familiar crunch of cheesy goodness. The flavors swirled through his mouth and begged to be washed down with a nice cold soda. But tears formed in Shining's eyes. He just bit off a part of his wife. He wondered what part he bit off. A lady bit? A teat? One of her hooves? How could they live if Cadance only had three hooves?!

Tears welled in Shining's eyes as he munched down on the treat. But he couldn't. He couldn't do it. His once favorite treat turned sour in his mouth. Instead of swallowing, he took the mushy chewed cracker from his mouth and patted it back on the cracker.

"Cadance, I can't do this. I'm sorry. This is just too-"

The door to their private bathroom opened, and Princess Cadance stepped into the room.

"Dude, Shining. What the heck? What did we decide about eating in bed?"

Shining paused, staring at his wife, who was holding a saddle, riding crop, and dawned in a very ornate black dominatrix outfit with fishnet leggings.

"I, wha?" Shining said, his mind officially broken.

"How did you even? Why does it look like me?" Cadance asked.

The time was one week ago. Cadance was out on a trip with Celestia and Luna to the Griffon Kingdom. Shining lies in bed, watching a movie on their bedroom television. He reaches into his box of Cheesy Squares, and doesn't realize that one had evaded his grasp,and dropped right underneath his wife's pillow.

"I... I thought you turned into... I thought you were a-"

Cadance looked over to the snack that was in her spot in bed.

"Wait, did you chew part of that, spit it out, and put it back?"

Shining fumbled with his hooves and looked between him and his wife, unsure of what to say.

"I thought it would. I dunno. If you used magic to change back, then-"

"That's not how pony transformation works, Shining!" Cadance said, raising her voice. "If that were me, I would only have three hooves now. Do amputees turn you on?" she said sarcastically. Then she pauses. "Do amputees turn you on?"

"NO!" Shining screamed. "And I'm not into vore either! I-I just wanted to do something that would make you happy. A-and I thought you turned in to a tasty snack."

Shining looked down to the ground dejectedly, unsure of what to think. His wife saw her husbands distress, then shook her head and smiled. Cadance moved over to the bed, lifted the treat off the bed with her magic, and then wiped off the crumbs.

"Well, that's sweet," she said, sitting beside him. "But I would have picked something way better than a Cheesy Square."

"W-wait, you aren't mad?" Shining asked, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"That was really, weird. And confusing," she added. "But no, I'm not mad. Right now, I've spent forever trying to get this zipper right, and I just want to ride you until your hooves give out."

Shining snickered, shaking his head.

"Well, alright then. I can get back in the mood. I'm just happy everything turned out alright."

Cadance pulled her husband close to her and planted her lips on his. Then, she pulled away, her eyes half lidded.

"But Shiny, if you do eat in the bed one more time," she says, placing the saddle on his lap. "You cheddar think twice."