Am I Really Their Friend?

by pabrony83

Rating: teen
Tags: Sad, Equestria Girls, Suicide / Self Harm, Sunset Shimmer, Main 7 (EqG), Profanity, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 1451

It's the morning of the Battle of the Bands finale and I've got a lot on my mind thanks to the Dazzlings. "SciTwi Shimmer Chronicles" Book #1

Takes place during Rainbow Rocks.

After being confronted in a dark corner of CHS by the Dazzlings, I begin to wonder if there is truth to what they said.

Part of the SciTwi Shimmer Chronicles

Warning: triggers of self-harm, suicidal thoughts and swearing.

Now with a review from That one RationalCritic.

Update: now with an audio reading on my YouTube channel.

***Author's Note***

If you or someone you know or love is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. I know from personal experience that it helps.

Published 2017-03-30 12:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-04-16 00:39:30 UTC

Am I Really Their Friend? 2.0

Am I Really Their Friend?

"Oh, yes. You girls are sooo tight. And yet, they didn't ask you to be in the band."

"Probably afraid no one would want to see them play if she was in the group."

"Too bad. So sad."

Those words haunted and kept me awake last night. They spoke volumes to how I've been treated the past few months.

It had been two weeks since the fallout from the Fall Formal and along with Snips and Snails help, I finally finished rebuilding the front of CHS. Twilight Sparkle's friends visited me at lunchtime and after classes let out in a near futile attempt to get me to be their friend. Fat chance of that happening. They were only doing it because they were told to. I mean, I was just a complete asshole to those girls. I sabotaged Applejack's bake sales, ruined Rainbow Dash's reputation, dumped dog shit on Rarity during the Spring Fling, destroyed Pinkie Pie's decorations on numerous occasions and bullied Fluttershy to the point of tears, just for my personal enjoyment.

Principal Celestia then made the announcement of the Canterlot High School Musical Showcase the school was holding a few months later. So Twilight's friends began putting a band together to participate in said showcase. I was hoping to participate in the showcase myself but due to my "outstanding" popularity, I didn't care to pull off a solo act. So I decided to wait and keep my guitar skills to myself until Rainbow Dash and the other girls asked me to join them, which of course only happened after the Battle of the Bands. The only thing that did happen was them telling me "no offense" after what seemed like every sentence.

Of course, they put on a good show in front of the rest of the school but as far as privately, that's another story. They had sleepovers without me, zoned out when I needed someone to talk to and never even accepted my MyStable friend requests. Hell, they even changed their phone numbers between the time Twilight helped them figure out I drove a wedge into their friendship and when they smacked me in the face with the rainbow laser. I can understand why they changed their numbers but "my friends" didn't give me their new numbers until, again, after the Battle of the Bands.

As time grew closer to the event, I would accompany them to their practices hoping I would get an invitation to join the Rainbooms. My strength was slowly weakening as Rarity continued to take jabs about me and Flash and then claim to have forgotten that we used to date. I admit that I used him for popularity but I did have some feelings for him and being heckled about our break up on a daily basis hurt.

Is this really worth it? I would ask on my way home from school each day. I'm trying to make amends but no one seems to care.

Almost everyday I would come home to my rundown apartment, set my bookbag on the floor, lay on my bed and cry until my tear ducts ran dry. I didn't know why I kept going back everyday to receive the treatment I was getting.

One of these days I'm going reach my breaking point and I'll know then whether or not they... no, I won't know. I'll be dead. That thought would repeat in my head all day and all night. Sometimes that would bring an uneasy smile to my face.

Then the Dazzlings showed up. I knew they were trouble from the start but I couldn't quite place where on the trouble meter they sat. I sent a message the Princess Celestia, which was answered by Twilight. Well, it was read by Twilight, but as far as getting a response in the book, nothing.

A day later when Twilight came flying through the portal, I extended my hand to help her up. Her response? Looking her friends before hesitantly taking my hand. Some Princess of Friendship. And to put the icing on the cake, the five snobs knocked me out of the way to hug their friend and for her to tell them about the Sirens while I was forced to listen from a distance.

I wonder... I began to think as I subtlely caressed the knife in my jacket pocket. This may be my breaking point...

I shook the thought from my head and just tagged along behind them as the made their was to the Sweet Shoppe. That went even better than the interaction at the statue. Forced to sit on the arm of a couch, while they pulled up chairs for themselves. Pinkie Pie bought drinks for everyone, except me, so I had to do without one because payday wasn't until next week. And then the unthinkable happened.

"We can use that magic on the Sirens, just like when we used it on Sunset Shimmer when she turned into that horrifyingly awful winged monster. Um, no offense," came from the mouth of the Friendship Princess.

While I answered "None taken," in my head my thoughts returned the razor sharp pocket knife that was in my jacket.

I can't believe this, I thought as I held back my tears. Isn't she supposed to be an example for us to follow? She picked up on where the others left off.

As we made our way to the front steps after leaving the kickoff party, I stopped to "use" the restroom. I had read that humans sometimes take razor blades and cut their arms when they're depressed, claiming it helps them feel better. Well, I had a knife and my jacket was long enough to cover the cuts, so why not see if it works. I made two cuts on each arm, deep enough to draw blood but not deep enough that I needed stitches. They hurt like hell, but for some reason I did feel a little better mentally.

That should get me through today, I thought as I held some toilet paper to slow the bleeding some. Hopefully...

I rejoined the others on the steps a few minutes later, where Twilight was freaking out about the rainbow laser not working.

I had an idea about how the Dazzlings magic worked and the two-faced princess took my idea and ran with it. I'll admit she did give me credit for thinking of it but after formulating a plan to break the Siren's spell I hear this from our resident high-society upstart:

"And I believe you, Twilight, just became the Rainbooms newest member."

What the Tartarus am I?! Chopped liver?! I thought as I once again began trying to hold back my tears.

Thanks to Twilight needing a place to sleep, I got invited to my first slumber party.

I got up in the middle of the night to pee, due to drowning my sorrows in almost two liters of root beer. I was about to head back upstairs to bed when I noticed a light in the kitchen. I went to check it out and found Twilight leaning over the kitchen island working on the "counter-spell". We had a short talk about disappointing others before Maud showed up and freaked the two of us out.

I think she might've seen the cuts from earlier when I snacked on Pinkie's Reddi Whip because she looked at me like she had something serious to ask me before telling me "Never mind. It's not important."

Up until that last line I started feeling a little better. I had a feeling she was going ask me what was wrong but I guess I'll never know. I made a second trip to the bathroom, this time accompanied by my knife to add one more notch in each of my arms before going back to bed.

I tried putting on a brave face the next day for practice at Sweet Apple Acres but deep down I had a feeling I was wasting my time. I was pretty much there as a dog-sitter for Spike.

We checked in for the Battle of the Bands, they played "Shake Your Tail" and of course they completely ignored me when I tried playing peace-keeper. Five minutes later was my infamous encounter with the Dazzlings.

Author's Note

This was originally planned as a short, one off story. Due to demand from some of the readers, I made a sequel. The only reason I can think of as to why I decided to write this, was to help get me through the depression I was going through.

Click here for the next part in the series.

BONUS CHAPTER: The Original Am I Really Their Friend? (with comments)

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