Morning routine

by drFraud

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 1011

What's a Diamond dog to do each morning, why start it of course

Canines brushed? Check.
Ears scratched? Check.
Coat groomed? Check.
Writing a checklist? Check.
Teeth grinding alicorn with a messy bed mane?
Right on que.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-23 20:06:04 UTC

Beginning of the day

I trudged through the night, my paws a soft pitter patter in the rising dawn. I stood there, looking at the rising sun. Celestia as always has outdone herself. I sniffed at the air, its crisp and cool. Autumn is going to be passing us soon.

I slowly open the door of the dwelling in front of me, being very mindful of the noise. Don’t want to wake anybody up… at least not just yet, it’s still too early. I go through my vest looking for my pocket watch. I opened the intricate mechanism.

-6 am. Right on time.

I slowly make my way through the room, scanning the books that seem to cover each and every inch of the wall. With a spark of inspiration, I stretch my arm and push one of the books just a hint to the left. With a soft smile on my muzzle I carry on to the bathroom glancing once more out the nearby window.

What a beautiful morning. I opened the door to the bathroom, my towel, heavy duty toothbrush and coat brush in my paw. The bathroom is as clean as I remember it.

The wooden flooring gleamed in the light from the window. The tub, spick-and-span. Mirror? Polished to a shine, and the usual cosmetics are all where they should be, right down the exact same position. Exactly perfect.

I stood in front of the mirror and opened my muzzle. Checking for cavities, when you eat diamonds the teeth need to be in pristine condition. None of that lack of hygiene the other Diamond dogs are so known about.

No cavities? Nice.

Looking at the mirror I throw a smile at myself, eyes gleaming with mischief.

-What should I do today? - I muse out loud while grabbing a healthy dose of toothpaste. Ruby flavour of course.

Id roll my sleeves now if I had them. Oh well, I shrug, I have what I have. On to the brushing.

I work back to fourth, molars to fangs, fangs to molars, top to bottom and, of course, behind the teeth. I brush for solid three minutes, counting by diamonds.

-One diamond, two diamonds, three diamonds...

While I'm counting, I take a glance out the window. I see someone I presume is Pinkie Pie bouncing around... At least I hope its Pinkie. I honestly should come more often here than I do. Why, don’t I?

Oh well, thoughts for later date. Still no idea what I want to do today… Pranks? Nah. Draw? Nope, need something else.

While I muse, I grab a small emerald from my vest pocked and nibble on it for a solid moment before I remember, dang, I was brushing my teeth.

-Whelp, starting over again.

I take a look outside the window again. Suddenly my sensitive ears pick up movement beyond the door.

-Ah, she’s up. – I spit in the basin. -Wonderful timing.

I gargle some mouthwash, spit it out as well the check my pocket watch.

-Hmm, I should have another couple of minutes or so…

I quietly open the door and drag my backpack in the bathroom. Making as little noise as possible as to not spoil the surprise I rummage through. Finding a small ornate box, I gently pick it up and place it on a shelf next to the mirror. She won’t be able to NOT see it.

With that part done I go back to grooming. I check my paws and start cleaning between my claws. I hear a feint sigh coming through the door. I take a look at my pocket watch again.

-Earlier than usual, strange, maybe some of those lessons are finally stuck onto something. –

Pocket watch back in the pocket and back to grooming.

All claws clean and without chips? Excellent.

I pick up a brush from the shelf next to the mirror and go through my muzzle, head and all the way down my neck. Through the stomach area and as much as I can reach on my back before I brush my tail.

Checking myself over I find myself satisfied. Clean, presentable and, more importantly, distinctly lacking any speck of dirt.

My ears perk up as I hear the door of the bathroom open and a sharp intake of air.

-Patchwork!! What are you doing in my bathroom!? AGAIN!?

I quickly turn my head and size up the alicorn princess in front of me. Twilights bedmane is the stuff of adorable nightmares, one side all over the place and the other in a strange curl that twisted upwards. I tilted my head sideways, one of my ears up and the other one folded backwards.

-Quick Patch, think of something random. – I quickly say to myself.

Are you still talking to yourself when you think? – Twilight deadpanned.

Suddenly, as soon as the idea hit my head I jumped in front of Twilight. She didn’t even flinch. Of course, SHE of all ponies knows I wouldn’t harm her. I grabbed her head with both paws and in one swift motion mash our lips together while intently watching her reaction.

Shock, ears perked up as well as her pupils dilatated. I saw her blush. I retracted, lavender on my lips. I smack my lips a couple of times.

-Hmm, interesting.

-Wha, ha, bwa… - She stammered. That adorable blush still on her muzzle.

I grabbed my backpack, put the coat brush, toothbrush and the towel in it and ran out before the inevitable brain reboot.

The streets were blurring past me as I ran as fast as I could. I think I saw that overly pink pony yell something like “See ya tomorrow Patchy”, although how did she know my name I couldn’t remember right now.

I made it to the edge of the town before a loud yell spread like a shockwave through Ponnyville.

-PATCHWORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Huh, I think I saw the library jump into the air for a moment.

Ah, now I remember why I don’t visit more often.