Old Records and Spray Paint

by Dunglord

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Human, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Profanity
Length: 19966

All he does is stay inside all day, there has to be something that could get him out, right?

Maxwell is a weird human, he just stays inside all day. I may have found something that could get him out of his room, however. I just hope that it works...

Rated Teen for Language usage in both the story and music.

Published 2017-03-31 21:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-06-21 01:42:02 UTC

Chapter 1

Luna POV

I sighed in annoyance to myself as I trotted away from night court. Having been adjourned for the night, well, in this case, morning seeing as how it was already past 2 AM, I was finally finished settling petty arguments among our ponies. I thought to myself about the day's events as I walked down the halls. I paused for a moment however as I heard music flow out of one of the guest rooms.

I could hear a tune and beat flow out of the rooms, but I heard what seemed to be speaking. I felt giddy and rose my head up for a moment before I noticed that the speaking was in time with the beat. I sunk back down as I recognized what it was. Tia has told me about this type of music before, she called it 'hip-hop' if I remember correctly. I walked away from the room feeling more annoyed and feeling cheated in some way. The speaking I heard led me to believe that an actual conversation was occurring, but apparently it was just from the music Maxwell was listening to.

That room belonged to the Human, Maxwell. Maxwell was, for lack of a better word, strange. He never interacted with ponies unless completely necessary, to the point where he would actively take another route if he saw either Tia or me around the castle. Tia and I can never figure out why he feels the need to avoid ponies.

We had given him the chance to move to Ponyville in an attempt to make some friends, but he declined our offer. Only further secluding himself from the outside world.

When he had first realized that he was going to be stuck here forever, he asked for only three things, parchment, quills, and a record player. He had not asked us for anything else since other than more quills and parchment.

The Night Guards stationed outside of my door stood at attention as I walked by. I only nodded to them as I trotted into my room.

Sighing as I sat down on my bed, I removed my royal regalia. Still lost in thought about the human. He woke up so late in the morning and slept very late at night. I knew very few ponies who follow such scheduled on a daily basis. And even then, those ponies only did it because of their work.

He would still be up right now, right? Maybe I could watch him do whatever it is he does all day. I trotted out to my balcony and cast a perception spell on myself so that he would not be able to see me. I spread my wings apart and took off into the sky. I found his room easily and watched him from the skylight.

He was hunched over a desk and parchment was strewn all across the room. His major source of light seemed to be coming from a candle near his desk. I could hear this 'hip-hop' music still blaring over the speakers, The record that was currently playing seemed to have its cover on display. I could not tell what it meant, but it was a golden, human, hand curled up into a fist, which had another golden, human, hand pointing at it with two fingers and the 'thumb' pointing upwards. All on a blue background.

Less than a minute after my arrival, however, the record had ended. Maxwell had gotten up out of his chair and walked over to the record, sliding it back into the case. He chose another record from a very large shelf and pulled out the record it contained. He set the record down onto the turntable before putting the cover on display. The music that came from this record, unlike the last record, seemed to be more upbeat.

The human sat down back at the table again, but this time he seemed distracted by something. He kept looking away from his work and around the room every so often. He finally pushed aside whatever it was that he was doing and pulled out a fresh sheet of parchment. He wrote something down on the paper and pushed the chair away from himself. He walked with a purpose over to the window separating the room and balcony and taped the paper up. Curiosity got the best of me however and I glided down onto the Balcony to read the letter.

"If you really want to talk to me, don't stalk me. Knock on my door, Moonbutt."

At the time I was angrier about the fact that he recommended I knock on his door than the fact that he somehow saw through my perception spell. Come talk to him? How in sisters' name am I going to talk to a creature that actively tries to avoid me? It made no sense!

I huffed angrily and flew off back to my room.

The Next Day

Celestia POV

I glanced over at the clock, making sure that I would not be late to resume day court as I took a bite of my sandwich. I thought about a specific case between two ponies who were having a dispute about spilled cabbages of all things. Just as I was going to take a bite of my sandwich again, the doors in front of me glowed with blue magic and promptly swung open, revealing my sister.

Dressed in her usual regalia, she calmly trotted over towards the table and plopped down in a chair, and let out a groan that sounded like death while rubbing her eyes with her hooves.

"And a good afternoon to you too sister." She continued to rub her eyes before setting her hooves down onto the table.

"Sister, may I talk to you in private?" She asked, exhaustion clearly visible in her voice. I turned toward the head guard and gave him a slight nod. He returned the nod and every guard in the room walked out. By the time all the guards had left, Luna was sitting up straight in her chair.

"What do you want to discuss, sister?" She sighed before speaking.

"The Human."

"What about The Human?"

"He's been cooped up in that room for weeks now. He barely comes out of it, and whenever he does he tries so hard to avoid us." I swallowed the bite of my sandwich that I took before replying.

"Give him time, Luna. He's still trying to come to terms with the fact that he will never be able to go back home again."

"That's not the point, yesterday I tried to observe the human after night court ended. He somehow noticed I was there and stuck a note up for me to see that read, 'stop stalking me and knock on my door already.'"

"And?"

"How am I to talk to a creature that actively tries to avoid us whenever we are around?" I sighed before continuing.

"Have you considered the fact that Maxwell may fear being in public?" She stared at me before speaking again.

"Beg pardon?"

"How do I put this... Ah, do you remember how you celebrated Nightmare Night within your first year back from the moon?"

"But of course!"

"Do you remember how ponies first acted around you." She stopped to think for a moment before responding.

"They were fearful." She responded quietly.

"You understand why they were fearful right? They knew next to nothing about you other than you used to be Nightmare Moon, and that you were my sister."

"But Tia, that was different. Nightmare Moon promised to bring eternal night forever. Even after the Elements of Harmony reformed me, they still had a right to be scared of me because they knew next to nothing."

"And what about Zecora? They knew next to nothing about her, and yet ran away from her to the moment they laid eyes on her, did they not?" She grew silent after I said that. "It's just a theory, but what if he's trying to avoid that. The unintentional fear he might bring our ponies, just because he exists?" Luna was lost in thought for a while before I started speaking again. "If you really are concerned about him, then don't complain to me. Talk to him, see what he wants." Luna looked at me once more before getting out of her chair.

"Thanks, Tia."

"Anytime, Lulu." I responded, she turned around and walked away from me as I continued with my Sandwich.

Author's Note

In case you haven't figured it out yet, this story is heavily influenced by music. So yeah, this is gonna be fun.

Songs used this chapter.

RTJ - A Report to Shareholders/Kill Your Masters

Johnny Mathis - Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head

Chapter 2

Luna POV

Here I was, standing right outside of Maxwell's room. Why am I so nervous, I shouldn't be this nervous. I'm just here to talk to the human is all. Reluctantly I raised my hoof and rapped it against the door, there as no turning back now.

The door opened.

Maxwell POV

I grinned at Luna, who was obviously very nervous.

"So I see you got my message." I said.

"Yes..."

"Please, come in." I said while opening the door, she reluctantly walked inside.

[Current Record]

As she sat down on the couch, I pulled up the chair from my desk and set it in front of her.

"Let me guess, you're here because you're worried about me. Right?" She paused for a few seconds before replying.

"Yes."

"So what do you want me to do?"

"I want you to make friends."

"Then why don't I start with you?" That seemed to throw her for a bit of a loop. "Let's become friends." I stuck my hand out. "Maxwell." after a few seconds of hesitating, she stuck her hoof out.

"Luna" I grabbed her hoof and shook it before letting it go. "You know, there was one thing I wanted to ask you, what did you do before you came to our world?"

"I worked a simple desk job, it paid the bills and kept me fed. But at night, things got interesting." That seemed to grasp her attention. "I did street art, it got to a point where I had made a name for the outrageous shit that I did. You name it, I probably did it. That includes spray painting a pig on the side of the police station." Her mouth dropped open when I said that.

"Surely you are not serious! You defiled a police station?" She nearly yelled

"Yes, I did, and don't call me Shirley."

"Unbelievable" She muttered

"I never worked with groups, though, I always worked solo. There was too much risk, too much liability." She looked towards some of the papers on the floor.

"And let me guess, you're still trying to come up with ideas?"

"Well, I did come up with one idea..." I said sheepishly.

"Mind if I take a look at it?" She said with a smirk planted on her face.

"Promise you won't be mad?" I asked

"No guarantees." I sighed and got up out of my chair. I walked over to my desk and picked up a piece of parchment before bringing it over to her. I set it in front her.

"Here." I said.

[Visualize This]

I tried to read her face, she looked at it for a solid thirty seconds before breaking out into a huge grin.

"This is amazing, this is absolutely amazing." I rubbed the back of my head with my hand.

"You really think so?"

"Maxwell, It's simple, but brilliant. But pray tell, how are you going to get this all over the city?" She cocked her head to the side as she set down the parchment. I gave a huge grin and started speaking again.

"Tell me, have you ever heard of spray paint?" Her eyes widened.

"You're kidding, right?"

"Absolutely not." I could see the gears turning in her head as she thought to herself. All of a sudden she burst out into a huge grin.

"I won't tell Tia about this, and I'll get you all the spray paint you'll need under two conditions." Her grin seemed to widen even more. "When the time comes to defile the city, you'll let me help you out." I nodded at that. "You have to go and get the spray paint with me, out in public." Wait, what?

"No, absolutely not."

"Why not." she asked with a smirk planted on her face.

"I am not going out there, no way, no how. What if they stare at me? What if they start laughing at me?" I started panicking.

"You'll be with me, everything will be fine." She replied, calming me down a little bit.

"My answer is still no. I am not going outside." I said, crossing my arms.

"Is that so? I'll just take this to Tia then." Luna said while getting up and levitating the parchment I gave her.

"Wait wait wait. Fine, I'll do it. She grinned and dropped the parchment.

"Perfect, We'll go get the supplies tomorrow." She said before trotting out of the room.

I sat there wondering what just happened.

Sweet Jesus, what had I done.

[The next day]

[Current Mood]

"Luna, they are staring at me." I whispered harshly.

"It's fine, they have never seen a human is all." She replied in the same level I did.

"I don't like it." I said harsher this time.

"Too bad, Maxwell. You decided to come with me."

"Decided? I was forced!" More eyes were on my at this point.

"Forget about the semantics, it's too late anyways."

"Sweet fucking Christ." I muttered as we walked into the local hardware store.

"Hello there, can I he- oh my Celestia, Princess Luna!" The employee yelled before bowing down.

"Rise, my little pony. There is no need for that." Luna said gracefully.

"I- Is there anything I can do for you?" The employee said nervously.

"Could you please point us in the direction of the spray paint?" Luna asked.

"Certainty, please follow me." She replied before turning around and walking I held back and grabbed a card before catching up. We soon reached the spray paint and I started dumping a whole bunch of black and white spray paint cans. Luna just face hoofed.

"Seriously? Isn't that a bit too much?" grabbing some other brighter colors I replied.

"Nope, the scale of this project is gonna be fucking huge."

"Um... How huge are we talking here?"

"Really fucking huge. I just wanna make sure, you know what we are planning is technically illegal, right?" I said, pushing my cart towards the cashier, drawing more stares as Luna followed behind me.

"Yes. But it's going to be fun." She replied. More stares came my way.

We quickly left the store and started walking towards the castle. This was going to be fun.

I spent the next few week exploring the city, much to the surprise and joy of both Canterlot and the Princesses. They all knew that there was a human living in the castle, but he was too shy to come out for some reason. Next thing they knew, the was walking among them seeing the sights and talking with them. of course, they would be happy.

I was constantly approached by curious ponies at first both of us were apprehensive. They had no idea what I was like, and I had no idea if they were going to be friendly. Thankfully everything went well due to the help of Luna on my first day out of the castle. I made many friends who I ran into on the streets.

My true purpose outside however was more sinister than the residents of Canterlot, minus Luna, knew about. I was scouting for empty walls and marking them down in a small notebook I was carrying around.

'If only they knew' I chuckled to myself as I jotted down a potential street into my book.

[Later]

Luna knocked on the door, quickly stopping the record I ran over to the door and opened it. it was about 11 at night. She had set up a new rule that night court would no longer be in session on Wednesday nights.

Don't look at me like that, she did it herself.

"Luna! So good to see you, please come in, come in." I opened the door, allowing her to step inside.

For the past few weeks, Luna had been visiting me weekly, I had taken this opportunity to make her listen to the music I constantly too. Of course, many of the words were lost on her due to cultural differences. I had to explain some of those words really meant. She was shocked at the context of one word in particular.

I'll give you three guesses as to what word that was, and the first two don't count.

"Please take a seat." I ran over to the record and sleeved it before picking out one of my favorite records. To Pimp A Butterfly. It was time. I walked over to Luna and started speaking.

"Alright, here's the deal, I'm gonna put this record on, if you don't like it, then too bad. Because this is not only one of my favorite records that I own, but it is considered one of the best records of all time among its competition." She scoffed at me before speaking.

"Don't be so dramatic, just play the record already.

[Listening Material]

She listened to the first minute of it, her face visible with confusion before turning to me.

"It's not bad..."

"Just overwhelming, right?" She nodded, "Anyways, let's move on." I pulled my notebook out of my pocket and set it down on the table. "That should be all the possible locations we can hit during the night." She looked over the locations and started grinning.

"Perfect."

"Just to make sure, do you really want to go through with this?"

"For the love of- yes, OK? the last five times you asked that I gave you the same response." She scoffed at me again.

"OK, then can you do me a favor, and make a bunch of replicas of this cutout?" I tossed the cutout in front of her, it was the same picture of Celestia looking evil with the word 'OBEY' Underneath it.

"Easy." Within 30 seconds, I had 20 exact replicas of the cutout.

Now it was my turn to say "Perfect" as I sat down next to Luna.

"Well, what now?" She asked.

"Now, we just listen to this record." I said to her as I leaned back on the couch, she followed suit moments later.

Author's Note

Fun fact, Lunas reaction was the same reaction my mom had when she first listened to Westly's Theory

Songs used.

Tommy Dorsey & Orchestra -Tea For Two Cha Cha (instrumental)
Stealers Wheel - Stuck in the Middle with You

Chapter 3

[The Next Week]

I breathed in and out rapidly, nervous as fuck. Tonight was the night. I was sitting down on the couch in my jeans and sweatshirt with a bandanna tied underneath my sweatshirts collar. A flat cap was firmly planted on top of my head. I looked around the room, the stencils were lined up against the wall. Next thing I know my vision was replaced with blue and I was momentarily falling towards the ground. I crashed with a thud.

"Ow."

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" I heard Luna say, I got up and noticed that I was in her bedchambers. "Are you OK?"

"I've been better." I groaned out. I stood up, it may have been a Wednesday, but we weren't listening to music today. I turned to face. She was no longer wearing her royal regalia, instead, she was wearing a hoodie. Her mane a tail, instead of being ethereal, looked like a normal ponies hair, which was sky blue. "Nice look, it really suits what we are about to do." She smiled at me.

"Thanks!" She replied.

"Alright, before we start, we need to set a few ground rules. Rule one, don't stay to admire your work, we have all day tomorrow to do that." She nodded. "Rule two, if you see the authorities, run. Run and don't stop. In this case, teleport me and you back to the castle. Worst come to worst, just bail me out of jail later and make sure that I only have to do community service." She spoke up this time.

"I should be able to teleport both of us back here." She responded.

"Ok that good, now let me ask you one la-"

"Yes, I know that we are doing something illegal. now can we go?" She said with a scowl on her face.

"Fine, let's do this." I said pulling up my bandanna so it covered my mouth and nose, she nodded her head and levitated the paint cans and templates and started walking out towards the balcony. She also levitated me up in the air and onto her back. "Luna, please don't tell me you're planning what I think you're planning." I squeaked out in fear. She just giggled and took off. I held onto her neck for dear life and started yelling. "LUUUUUUNAAAAAAAA PUTMEDOWNPUTMEDOWNPUTMEDOWNRIGHTNOW!" Mere seconds later we landed at our first spot. I fell off her the moment we touched down and started dry heaving. She trotted towards me and put her hoof on my shoulder.

"Maxwell, are you alright?" She asked. I dry heaved for a few seconds more before sitting up.

"Don't, Don't ever do that again." I panted. She just smiled as I got up and started levitating a spray paint can towards me. I grabbed them both. "ready to begin?" I asked her. She just nodded.

[Listening material] - [Something Upbeat] [Something Darker]

We walked towards the wall, looking around and making sure that no one was watching us. Once we felt safe, we started spraying over the stencil. She was able to reach much higher than I was able to and use more stencils and cans that I was able to, making the process much faster. The darkness of night helped to cover us. Once I felt that we had accomplished our goal, I whistled causing her head to turn towards me.

"Next Stop." I said. She nodded and picked me up with her magic. "Don't go as fast this time."

"Wimp." She replied as I preemptively grabbed her neck for dear life. To be fair, she did make an effort to be slower this time.

The rest of the night was like that, along with a few close encounters. At the very last wall, we broke rule one and stared in wonder at our work before hoof bumping each other.

"I guess that's a job well done." I said, she just laughed.

"Tia is going to be so angry tomorrow." She giggled, before teleporting both of us back to my room. As much as the guards were concerned, she was listening to music with me on a weekly basis.

She hoof bumped me one more before walking out of my room. Tomorrow was going to be interesting...

[The Next Day]

I looked down at the newspaper

CANTERLOT DEFACED

Canterlot was in for a rude awakening this morning, as somepony had gone around the city and spray painted pictures of Celestia looking foreboding with the word, 'obey,' underneath each picture. It is unclear at this time who-

BANG BANG BANG I heard from the door, had she figured it out already? Oh well.

I walked over and opened the door, only to be greeted by two Day guards.

"Maxwell, you are under arrest for over 200 counts of vandalism." One guard said, levitating a pair of hoof cuffs.

"Alright, I'll go peacefully. There's no need for the hoof cuffs anyway seeing as how they won't fit me." The guards looked at each other before shrugging. I walked out of the room. One guard stood in front of me while the other guard flanked me. It was time for my death march.

[Listening Material]

I was grinning like a madman the entire walk. One of the guards decided to speak up.

"Um, if you don't mind me asking, why did you do it?" The guard said sheepishly, obviously breaking protocol. I just grinned.

"Ten bits says Celestia asks that question. If she does you'll get your answer." I replied.

Servants and other guards were staring in curiosity, the mysterious human who had probably captured the heart of Luna was being escorted by two guards.

We soon reached the throne room, I was immediately greeted by someone acting as my defense attorney. She wore a scruffy blue suit over her black fur. Her mane was an electric yellow. "Hey there, my name is Just Rights," She said, "And you are an idiot. The princess is offering a plea deal, I really bucking recommend you take it."

"I'm not a dumbass you know, I'll take the damn deal, why the fuck are you even here anyways?"

"Because you need a public defender seeing as how you're on trial, no matter how short that trial is."

"God fucking damnit." I muttered as I walked into the throne room.

I was instantly greeted by a peeved Celestia sitting on her throne, with her sister sitting right next to her, nervously twiddling her hooves.

"Alright, how did you find out so fast?" I asked her. She intensified her glare.

"A disguised princess holding a bag of paint with a human on her back tends to attract a lot of attention. Even more so if said human is screaming said princesses name out of pure fear." She replied.

"I'm sorry." Luna squeaked out.

"Why did you do it?" Celestia asked, her glare intensifying even more than I thought was humanly (is it ponily in this situation?) possible.

I grinned and turned over to one of the guards who smiled sheepishly. I turned back to Celestia.

"Celly, Celly, Celly, we have a saying back home. 'Don't ask me why, ask me why the fuck not.'" My lawyer and Celestia just face hoofed.

"Let's just move on, I'm giving you one plea deal, I'll give you a pardon for all the crimes you committed last night if you paint a mural on the wall outside of the castle in front of the public." Celestia said, her glare gone, her look was replaced with one that you may find on a tired mother of three. I turned around and attempted to walk.

"Yeah, I'll just get directions to the dungeons and serve my sentence there."

"You do realize that your sentence is going to be three months with eligibility for parole after two months if you decide to reject the plea deal, right?" I paused. "Please, take this deal. It's one of the best things that you can do in this situation." I turned around and groaned. "You have found something that you like to do, which is not staying in your room all day. Even if what you like to do is inherently illegal, I'm willing to give you a healthy, legal, outlet for it. I don't want to see you spend the rest of your life in that room only listening to music for the rest of your life." Celestia had a pleading look in her eyes.

"God fucking damnit, fine, I'll take it." I already had an image in my mind anyways.

[That next day]

Here I was, at a meeting table with both Celestia and Luna, a piece of parchment in front of them.

"Well, I won't say its what I was expecting." Luna said.

"It's morbid." Interjected Celestia.

"You asked for concept art, and you have it. I'm still open to taking jail time."

"No, this is fine." Celestia replied, rubbing her face with annoyance as she set the parchment back down on the table. "I'll let you paint this one." She sighed. I just smiled in glee.

Author's Note

Music used
NWA - Express Yourself
Vince Staples - Little bit of this Little bit of that

George Baker - Little Green Bag

Chapter 4

Ponies stared at me as I walked down the street reading the newspaper. The sun had barely risen, and Celestia was still asleep, probably. That didn't stop many ponies from making their morning commute to work.

Human Pardoned For Vandalism

The Human known as Maxwell has been pardoned by Princess Celestia for over 200 counts of vandalism under the condition that he continues produces art in a legal fashion instead. Starting with creating a mural on a wall just outside of the Royal Castle. When asked why he chose to vandalism the city with the help of Princess Luna, he replied by saying that he did it as a prank on Celestia.

I sighed as I dumped the paper in a passing garbage bin. More ponies were staring, absolutely fan-fucking-tastic. I approached a blank wall that was being guarded by two guards. As soon as I came near they approached me and started speaking.

"Maxwell, we will leave everything in your hands." The guards said before walking away. Well I guess it was time. I wrapped my bandanna around my face and took off my sweatshirt before getting to work.

[Listening Material] - [Rock] [Rap]

I picked up the spray paint can and shoot it vigorously while staring at the wall wondering where to start. I finally stopped shaking the can and walked over to the wall and started at the bottom, I drew the outline of a human bust shot and an arm extending from the left, with the hand leading into a water gun pointed at the head. By this point, I had drawn a larger crowd. walking over to the right of the mural, I started drawing jagged clouds that spread out the further it got from the head. Satisfied with the outline, I filled a paint pan with black paint and started filling in the body and hand.

At this point there were at least five news crews around, including one from Equestia daily, I could barely make out that they were talking into the camera, bingo. I walked over to the news reporter and listened in.

"This creature may have been pardoned by Princess Celestia, but is he really safe? Will he plan something like this in the Future?" I tapped her on the shoulder. Visibly startled she turned around. "Oh, yes?" She asked.

"May I borrow the mic for a second." I asked. She extended it towards me, surprised that I could speak. I grabbed the mic and prepared myself to speak, making sure that I would not laugh while I did it. "Alright, hey Kids! Don't do School, Eat your drugs, and stay in vegetables!" I said into the mic. The camera pony was laughing at the absurdity of what I had just said while the news pony just facehoofed. I handed the mic back towards the camera pony who was still in stitches and walked back over to my work.

"I guess that answered our first question." The news pony said into the mic.

About halfway through the day, Luna came to visit me. I watched as she glided down to the ground.

"You made Tia spit out her morning coffee with your little prank." She said with a smirk on her face I just grinned.

"I'll take that as a compliment, now are you gonna help or just stare?"

"Stare." She replied before gliding up to top of the wall

"Of course you are." I muttered as I picked up the roller and went back to work. "So how was your day miss night sky?"

"Miss night sky?"

"Miss Sunshine is reserved for sun butt." She snickered at that.

"Sweet Faust, you really are immature." She giggled while sitting on top of the wall in a very un-princess like fashion. "Why are you wearing that bandanna anyways?"

"Because I always wear it whenever I do street art." She just rolled her eyes.

At the end of the day when the sun was set and the moon was in full blast, I saw Celestia fly down from they sky, A frown planted on her face.

"Evening Celly! How you doin'?" I asked, knowing the answer.

"You can't go one day without making trouble, can you." She replied, landing down onto the ground.

"Evening sister." Luna said from the top of the wall.

"Evening Lulu," Celestia replied before turning back to me. "Take that silly bandanna off your face, you're not a criminal, so why are you wearing it?"

I started packing up all my gear as I began to speak, "Because it's a tradition to hide who you are when you do shit like this without the permission of other people. Even though what I do now is legal, I keep it as a reminder of where I started." I loaded up my things into the cart that the guard ponies had left earlier. "Even then, I'm making it a tradition to wear this whenever I paint in public because it obviously pisses you off." I looked towards her with a cheeky smile which was useless because of the bandana I wore. This just caused her to facehoof, much to the pleasure of her currently chuckling sister. I hooked myself to the wagon and started walking towards the castle.

[The Next Day]

I had swapped my paint roller and spray paint for a paint brush. There were more ponies standing around the wall when I first arrived than yesterday. The staring was still very unnerving.

"Alright, Alright, I get it, I'm a mysterious fuckin' creature, That doesn't mean you guys should stare the whole damn time." I yelled, they looked towards the ground sheepishly and I went back to work.

I added the finishing touched to the project and stepped back from it. It was a human silhouette holding a water gun to his head, but instead of blood coming out of the other side, the blood splatters had been replaced with flowers. I could hear luna land behind me as I stared at my work.

"Breaking rule 1, are we?" She said.

"That was different, what we were doing was illegal, this is legal, no need for that here." I spoke underneath my bandanna. Still staring at my work.

"What are you going call it?"

"Censorship."

"You are so dramatic." She replied while I loaded everything onto my cart.

"Too bad, that's it's name." I replied while walking away.

Author's Note

Songs used.
Chicago - Listen
Critical Madness & Joell Ortiz - To The Top

Chapter 5

BANG BANG BANG

Fuck, what time was it? 9 AM? Fuck, it's too early for this shit. I haven't done anything illegal, have I? No, I haven't.

BANG BANG BANG

Oh fucking...

"It's 9 AM, I'm still sleeping for god's sake!" I screamed at the door before flopping down onto the bed. Next thing I knew, my door was flung open. "Alright, fine, I'm up. What do you want Celly?" I spat out angrily.

"You seriously forgot we had a meeting with the art director for the Canterlot Museum of Art?" She asked me, an infuriating smile planted on her face.

"Who?" Before I knew it, I was in the air being dragged away while in my PJ's. "Are you fucking serious?" I yelled out, Grabbing onto the door frame for dear life as Celestia dragged me away. "Wha- hey! Put me the fuck down!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Maxwell." Celestia said in a voice reminiscent of a psychotic AI, before ripping me from the door frame.

"You fucking cunt put me down right fucking now!" I yelled much to the enjoyments of the guards (And horror of the maids) As I tried to grab onto anything and everything that I could use to escape, resulting in many broken vases and torn curtains. Eventually, I was floated into a meeting room and flung onto a table.

"Asshole." I muttered, much to the horror of the Unicorn sitting at the table.

"Oh lighten up."

"You wake me up at 9 in the morning, dragged me out my room, and into a meeting with... Whats your name?"

"Ink drop."

"Into a meeting with Miss ink drop here." He continued without skipping a beat.

"Ink drop." She said quietly. She let go of my hand as I found a way off of the table and onto one of the seats. Celestia nodded to her to continue speaking. "I represent the Canterlot Museum of Art, recently a few of my colleagues were provided the opportunity to see you work on your art. We were wondering if you would like to do the same thing for our museum." I just stared at the pony. I could see her shifting nervously as I thought about it. My mind wandered on to what I might like for breakfast. Maybe a cup of coffee with scrambled eggs and toast, maybe a fruit salad. What's that sound?

"Maxwell." Celestia nearly shouted

"Pancakes!" I yelled in surprise, figuring out what I wanted for breakfast. This just earned a confused look from Ink Drop and a facehoof from Celestia. "Sorry I was thinking about breakfast. Anyways, I'll do it under one condition. Whatever I make is what you get, It will not be toned down or censored because it may hurt people- er ponies feelings or traumatize the foals or shit like that. Sound fair?" The pony nodded.

"So long as ponies are allowed to see you paint, then yes, that sounds perfectly fair." She said.

"Great!" I yelled out while abruptly getting out of my chair, toppling it over. "I'm going to find something to eat." I walked out of the room before walking back into it again. "Two questions. One, where the flying fuck am I exactly? And two, Where is the dining hall?" Celestia just facehoofed again.

[That Night]

[Luna POV]

"And that is why I believe that this scoundrel should be evicted. He plays loud music at 4 in the morning." The pony in front of me spat out, pointing to the defender.

"So allow me to understand this. Instead of being reasonable and going to the police, you decided to bring it here first?" I said.

"Umm..."

"Case dismissed."

Both ponies trudged out of the courtroom as I rubbed my temples in annoyance. Please let there be something to get me out of this. Thankfully a night guard came into the throne room.

"Um... Princess? I thought that I should inform you that the human has been listening to the exact same album all day."

"Oh, sweet sister. Night court is temporarily adjourned until further notice." I said before trotting out of the room and towards Maxwell's room. He only listened to that song on repeat whenever something was on his mind.

[Listening Material]

I burst open the doors to his room.

"Sweet Christ, what the fuck!" Falling off the couch. "Not this fucking shit again! Fucking hell!" I levitate the needle off the record and sleeved the record. "What the hell are you doing Luna!"

[End of Listening Material]

"I am doing this for you own good." The human stared at me before sighing.

"What do you want?" He asked.

"What's on your mind? You wouldn't be listening to that song on repeat otherwise." She asked me. I just stared at her before walking over and picking up another record and putting on the turntable.

[Listening Material]

He sat down and stared at me before speaking. "How was your morning? Don't answer that, it was rhetorical." He said sticking his finger up when I opened my mouth. "Mine was shit, Celly woke me up at 9 in the morning for a meeting I forgot I had, and basically forced me into doing another mural for the art museum." I forgot that Maxwell had that meeting. "I basically promised to make something offensive to display, but I'm having trouble coming up with something, I mean I came up with something, But I don't know if it will be any good." I sighed.

"Just show it already you dramatic fool." I said. He stuck the paper out and I levitated it towards myself. It was edgy, I'll give him that. "I like it."

"Really?" This conversation reminded me of our first normal conversation that we ever held.

"It's... interesting, and there is a definitive message behind it."

"Sorta reminds me of /r/im14andthisisdeep."

"What?"

"Nothing, it's something from back home." He sighed. "There I told you what I was planning, will you go now?"

"Fine." I trotted out of the room, but not before taking that specific Tyler The Creator record that caused me to come here.

"Oh come on!"

"You'll get it back tomorrow, find something else to listen to on repeat." I said, trotting out of the room.

"Fucking hell!" I could hear him yell as I trotted away.

[The Next day]

[Celestia POV]

"And that is why I believe the orange trees should belong to me." The pony to the left said before the doors to the throne room ungracefully slammed open, presenting a human with his hair sticking up in every direction, which seemed to accompany his bloodshot eyes rather well.

"CELLY! I HAVE FOUND THE PERFECT PROJECT!" He yelled before falling down face-first onto the floor, not having tripped over anything. I craned my head to make sure he was ok until a near ear-shattering sound filled the room causing me to face hoof.

SNORE

"Can somepony please bring Maxwell to his room." I said with a deadpan.

Author's Note

Welp, I feel like publishing the story at this point.

On an unrelated note, spring break ends on monday.

Kill me.

Songs used

Tyler the Creator - Answer

Dr. Dre & Snoop Dogg - Deep Cover

Chapter 6

[Maxwell POV]

I made my way to the museum, still trying to wake the fuck up. Why the fuck was I even doing this right now? The Sun wasn't even fucking up yet! As I passed many ponies who waved at me, I resisted the urge to flip them off out of annoyance. It took a great deal of effort not to do that. Why the fuck do they get to be so fucking cheerful, bitch I just fucking woke up, do I look like I want to be fucking waved at?

Thankfully the museum was not far away. I walked in through the entrance, immediately being greeted by Ink Drop. I noticed that the museum was open 24 hours a day.

"Good morning, Maxwell."

"Good morning to you too."

"If you would please follow me." Ink drop said, leading me towards a room labeled, 'Human' The door was large, and the room even larger, On display was a wall. I stood in front of the wall and stared at it in wonder. It was unpainted, which was a minus, however that is something that could be easily rectified in a matter of hours. There was also an abundance of ponies who were staring at me waiting to start. I turned to Ink Drop.

"Mind amplifying my voice a bit?" I felt a glow around my throat. "Thanks." I said, hearing a louder version of myself. I turned my head to face the crowd.

"I would like to inform you of a few facts. Fact one, you are going to be wasting your time today watching me whitewash a wall, fact two," I put my bandanna on and took off my sweatshirt. "The spray paint cans back on my planet contained harmful chemicals when inhaled, so much so that prolong exposure would cause problems with the body, almost always resulting in major complication in later life. You think I'm kidding but I know MANY of my elders who died of lung cancer years after graffiti left its infancy stages because they did not know at they needed to wear respirators when they were creating dope as fuck murals. Something that graffiti artists now know. Thankfully here in Equestria, there are no harmful chemicals in the paint (or water) so the use of respirators is not a requirement, allowing me to wear my trademark bandanna."

I poured out the white paint into a paint pan and dipped the roller in the white paint. "Now, I only have two rules. Don't touch the wall, and don't ask what my end product is because it spoils everything. Do feel free to ask questions, however, because I will try to answer them to the best of my ability. If you ask stupid questions, however, I will answer them with anger, sarcasm, and snark. In some instances, I will answer with a combination of the three. Now, does anyone have any questions?" An earth pony in front raised his hand. "You, there."

"Is it true that you like annoying Celestia?"

"Buddy, you have no idea how true that is. Any other questions?" No other pony raised their hands. "Alright, I'll start then."

[Listening Material]
I turned to the wall and started painting it white. I was approached by many ponies that day, and I answered all of their questions. A few of them were press and wanted to confirm rumors. Apparently, there was a rumor floating around that I was banging Luna, seeing as how it was becoming common knowledge that she visited me once a week. To which I responded, "All we do is listen to records with each other." Many of the questions took place during the beginning of the day, allowing me to work faster in the afternoon. The evening, however, was a completely different. Many ponies got off work at that time. So the museum was jam packed, and the crowd increased three-fold. By that time the wall had dried and I was ready to move on, only to be interrupted by a surprise visit from the royal sisters.

I was shaking up a can of black spray paint at the time when I saw both Celestia and Luna enter the room, almost simultaneously every pony in the room bowed.

"Rise my ponies, there is no need for that here." Celestia replied in her motherly voice as she walked towards me.

"Hey Celly, Hey Luna," I said while ripping off the default spray cap of the can with my teeth before spitting it out. "Hows it hanging?" I placed a wingtip cap adapter with Lego cap on top. Allowing me to create thin lines.

"Everything is well at the castle, though both the maids and guards do miss hearing music pour out of your room." I smiled underneath my bandanna as I sprayed the spray paint can towards the ground trying to get the paint to come out, which is successfully did. I turned towards the wall and started spraying.

"Oh well, that's too bad. Anyways, if you don't have any questions, then I'm afraid that you can't be this close to the wall, that goes for you too Luna." I said to them both. The rest of the room was slack-jawed at my response, even more so when Celestia just chuckled and turned to her sister.

"Let us go, Luna. we should watch from afar anyways, seeing as how we are blocking a good portion of the room from seeing the wall." Celestia said before trotting off, Luna soon followed, but not before giving me a hoof bump which I returned in kind. Lowering the jaws of even more ponies, something that I had no idea was physically possible. Eventually, when the sun fully set, many ponies were treated to the sight of Celestia and Luna using both of their magic in unison. A rare sight to see. Soon after the sun set, however, I left. Much to the disappointment of many ponies.

The next day was more or less the same, albeit with a larger turnout than the last day. There was, of course, many more question than yesterday. I was, however, able to complete the project it was working on, Luna was right, it did hold a message.

The picture was of two men facing each other. One man wore a blue suit and another man wore a red suit. Both of them were shaking hands with each other with phony, creepy grins planted on each other. Both of them was holding a knife behind their back, however, making the picture more sinister. When Ink Drop asked me what I called it, I told her 'Peace Negotiations.'

For the next few weeks, it was just that. make a mural, which took four days, and take a break for a day or two to let the ponies come and see what I made.

It was like that for the next few weeks until the fight...

Author's Note

No, Don't worry, there won't be a fight scene next chapter. It's not that kind of story.

Chapter 7

[Luna POV]

"FUCK YOU, YOU SUN HUMPING WHORE" I heard Maxwell scream, before the doors to the dining room slammed open. Maxwell walked out, His head low with a face was one of fury. As I neared him I tried to call out his name.

"Ma-"

"Fuck off." Was all he said, interrupting me. I looked on in confusion as he just walked away I trotted into the dining room to find sister rubbing her temples.

"What the buck was that?" She just sighed and set her head down on the table.

[Maxwell POV]

I stormed out of the castle in anger, who the fuck did she think she was? That fucking whore. Just because she happened to RAISE the fucking sun, and at one point the moon as well, does not give her the right to say something like that. Ever. I stormed towards the gates of the castle, much to the surprise of the guard's ponies. I kept walking as I spoke

"Open the fucking gates." They stood there, frozen in fear, of course, they were fearful, no pony had ever seen you like this before. "OPEN THE FUCKING GATES!" I yelled out, snapping them out of it. The rushed to unlock the gates, I kept walking towards the gates. As soon as it unlocked, I kicked them open and stormed away from the castle grounds. Ponies moved out of the way as I made my way to the museum.

[Luna POV]

Where was that blasted human? What was he thinking yelling at sister like that? I flew across the night skies looking for him. It was 11 at night on a Tuesday, so there would not be many ponies out and about at this time. I could not find him anywhere. On a hunch, I decided to fly to the museum. Looking into the skylight, I saw the human standing in front of the wall.

[Maxwell POV]

Credit where credit was due, Ink Drop was really good at making sure that whenever I wanted to paint, a wall would be available for me. I ripped off the spray cap with my teeth and replaced it with my normal wingtip cap adapter with a Lego thin cap.

"Time to go to work." I muttered to myself

[Listening Material] - [How Much A Dollar Cost] [Blacker The Berry] Choose One.

I walked over to the wall, attempting to make my own throw-up, each time messing something up which always resulted in a, "fuck," coming from my mouth. Mess up "Fuck." Mess up "Fuck." Mess up "Fuck." Mess up "FUCKING BULLSHIT!"

Eventually, it got to a point where I was messing up faster than I could get the words out of my mouth. Why was I angry, why were we fighting earlier? Why do I feel lonely? Why can't I approach anyone? Why can't I make friends on my own? It all became too much. I threw the spray paint can against the wall in anger, causing it to rupture and spray out on its own from the leak. I walked over the wall and punched it repeatedly, my sanity had snapped. "MO," punch, "THER," punch, "FUCK," punch, "ING," punch, "BULL", punch, "FUCK", punch, "ING", punch, "SHIT," punch. I stepped back from the wall and collapsed in a heap. The blood on the wall mixed with the black paint, creating a pool of paint and blood at the bottom of the wall. Other than the splotch of red from my outburst, the brick wall seemed to be covered in mostly black from my failed attempts. I sat there for a few minutes. staring at what I had done. My hand hurt, my hand bled, but I did not care. I rubbed my face with my hands, coating some of my face with the blood.

I got up, I picked up the ruptured can of black spray paint and took off the wingcap adapter with my teeth, before chucking the can at the wall again, making me feel a little bit better. I picked up a can of white spray paint and ripped off the default cap, placing the wingcap adapter and Lego thin cap on top. I walked over to the wall this time, knowing what exactly I had in plan. Short, fast, curved Stroke, I had it down in one go. I collapsed onto the ground in a heap, laughing when I finished. Of course, why did it take me this long to figure it out? I laughed like a maniac, it was a sad laugh, a laugh of a broken man who just let out all of his emotions. I could feel something sit down next to me, Looking up I could see it was Celestia.

[End Music]

"How did you find me?" I panted out in exhaustion.

"I didn't, Luna had a hunch that you were here, she was right." We sat in silence for a while longer before she started speaking again. "What is it?"

"It a throw-up, designed to be done almost exclusively illegally. It was something you got up in under two minutes. Expect to see more of it around down." I said with a chuckle. Surprisingly making her laugh. We continued to sit in silence. "What the fuck were we even fighting about?"

"I honestly have no clue." She looked over at my hand before looking at me. "Does it hurt?"

"Is the moon up." I snarked back softly, drained of my energy both physically and emotionally. She just smiled at me, for once it wasn't a smile that I was annoyed at.

"Would you like some help?"

"Please." I could see her horn glow as I slowly fell asleep, sneaky cunt. Oh well, can't do anything about it now.

Chapter 8

The next day mainly consisted of me trying to ride out the full effects of the pain medication that Celestia gave me. That and listening to To Pimp A Butterfly on repeat until Luna came around for our weekly music session. When she entered she looked at me with concern, concern that was well placed considering my current state. I was lying down on the floor, face down with drool coming out of my mouth, awake as well.

"Maxwell? Are you alright?"

"I'm high as fuck, what do you think." I said, getting up out the pool of drool I happened to make. She just rolled her eyes and used magic to clean it up. I stumbled towards the record player and put away To Pimp A Butterfly, and switched it out with Deltron 3030. Doing that, I stumbled over the couch and plopped down, before letting go of my body, allowing my head to rest on Luna's shoulder. We sat like that for a while before she started speaking again.

[Current Song]

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure"

"Why don't you write more?" I froze up. "I saw some of your writing among the drawing that you have created, and I have to say it's more creative than some of the novels that have reached the bestseller list in the past decade."

"No, no no no no no, Fuck that. I said yes to painting, but writing? The shit that I come up with will have people calling for my physic eval within ten minutes of it being released!" I yelled out. "Did you even see the demented shit that I wrote down?"

"If I hadn't saw it, I wouldn't be talking about it."

"Just, drop it, ok? I may or may not write something in the future. I promise you, that if I do write something in the future, you will be the first pony to know. Ok?" She just sighed.

"That seems reasonable." We sat in silence for a bit longer before she broke the silence. "Is this not the fourth time we have listened to this album, I mean I love the anti-consumer sentiment it has going for it, however listening to the same music over and over again does tend to get a bit boring after all." I just looked up at her.

"No. I know what you're planning, and the last time we went out together we ended up fucking with half of Canterlots empty walls. So no."

"Oh please, it's just a trip down the the record store, nothing more, nothing less."

"...Fine, now will you allow me to ride out the full effects of the pain medication? I really don't want it to go to waste." I said, popping another pill, Luna just face hoofed as I did so.

[Luna POV]

I had been switching records with my magic for about 2 hours at this point, Maxwell was fast asleep. I tried leaving Maxwell and letting him sleep on his couch for the rest of the night. But he just seemed to grab me in a bear hug while sleeping, I could barely make out him saying, "Mine," when he did so. Every attempt at escape has resulted in him clinging onto me for dear life despite being asleep and high on pain meds. Suddenly the door opened slightly. Sister stuck her head into the room looking around before laying her eyes on me. She started grinning like a mad pony when I mouthed the word, "help," before slinking back out of the room, leaving me to my fate. I swear the next time she tries to eat cake, I will chuck it out of the window for that stunt she just pulled. I suppose I could listen to Wolf by this Tyler the Creator fellow the for the third time again...

[The Next Day]

[Maxwell POV]

[Listening Material]

Luna and I walked down the street, with a grin planted on my face, and a frown on hers.

"Ya know, I'm getting a serious sense of deja vu here." I said to Luna who just responded with a groan.

"Owwww."

"What happened?" I asked.

"You happened."

"Me?"

"Yes, you. You wouldn't let me leave last night, so I basically spent the entire night sleeping with my back propped up and now it's sore." She grumbled. I Stopped walking for a few second while I tried to figure out what she just said.

"What?"

"You fell asleep and grabbed me in a bear hug, I wasn't able to leave because every time I moved you intensified your grip." I stared at her before laughing uncontrollably.

"Oh- Oh my god!" I yelled while trying to catch my breath. "You're telling me, the princess of the night, the literal goddess of war, was bested by a sleeping human high on pain meds!" As soon as I said that, I doubled over laughing. The look she gave me along with the mumbling underneath her breath just made me fall over and laugh even harder. "Oh my god! Wait till the press hears about this." By this point many ponies had heard about what was going on and were starting to snicker at it as well, causing Luna to become angrier and start talking in ye olden ways.

"Art thou done yet?" She growled. I took that as my queue to settle down. I lowered my laughing into chuckles. And stood up.

"Yeah, I'm done. Though next time, don't be afraid to use your magic on me if you really need to." I said. We walked in silence for a few moments before I spoke again. "Hey luna, you remember that night?"

"The night where I threatened to warp your Run The Jewels 2 album after we listened to it 3 times in a row?"

"I still feel like you were unjust in saying that. No, the night where we fucked up Canterlot."

"What about that night."

"You were the first creature that I ever collaborated with when it came to graffiti in a long time, and all things considered, I think everything went well enough."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah, I was wondering if you wanted to do something like that again in the future." She paused a bit before responding.

"I'll think about it." She said. we continued walking before eventually reaching the record shop. I opened the door for her.

"After you."

[Later]

Luna and I were walking back to the castle. She was levitating all the purchased records with her magic, the

"About what I said earlier..." I said

"Hm?"

"You wanna take this shit to next level?" I asked.

"Take it to the next level how?"

I pulled out my lock pick set I always had on me, 4 starter picks and 3 tension wrenches. "Little known fact, I used to pick locks for fun. Even lesser know fact, I laced Cellys bed sheets with itching powder a week ago."

"That was you!?" She exclaimed.

"Whatever, that's unrelated," I said, popping a pain pill. "The point is, I can access places, and with your help and magic, we can turn the entirety of this city into a goddamn canvas. My only question is, do you want to join me?"

"Yes," She answered immediately, "Only because you would do something stupid and end up getting yourself hurt."

"O ye of little faith?" I asked, walking sideways facing Luna before promptly tripping over my foot and falling down on my shoulder, causing Luna to face hoof. "Ow"

"I prove my point."

Author's Note

Deltron 3030 - Positive Contact

Stealers Wheel - Stuck in the Middle with You

Chapter 9

I walked slowly through the halls of the castle, deep in though of both worry and curiosity.

It had been about three days after my outburst at the Museum, The wall that I had created had not yet gone up on display yet, due to the fact that I needed to create an explanation for the piece of, "art," that I had created, if you could call it that. Typically, whenever contemporary art was created today, the museum held off on displaying it for a week at most. The reason being that it would allow the producer of the art to create an explanation for the art that would be displayed publicly.

Obviously, the pieces of art that were done on a 3-day LSD binge had no explanation and were left up for interpretation.

For some reason though, Celestia and Luna both wanted to be present when I was to give Ink Drop the parchment with the explanation. I have no idea why, but I know one thing for sure, nothing good can come of this.

I finally reached the door the the conference room where the scheduled. I hesitated and stood in front of the door for a bit before mustering up the courage to open the door. I could hear both Celestia and Ink Drop speaking.

"I just find it concerning is all." I could hear Ink Drop say.

"I fully Understand, Oh Maxwell, there you are." Celestia said, looking up as soon as the door opened.

"Hi Celestia, Luna, Miss Drop." I said to them. They just simply nodded their heads when I said their names. I took a seat at the head of the table closest to the door. "Miss Drop, you usually send someone to get my explanation for my murals whenever I complete them, what is the occasion?"

"Princess Celestia asked me to hold off sending someone, instead she decided to kill two birds with one stone. We would like to go over the contract currently in place after you give us the explanation for your latest project." I nodded before looking down at the parchment I brought with me.

"Would you like to to read it out loud or just give it to you?" I asked still staring down.

"Out loud, please." Luna replied. I sighed before I started speaking.

"During the creation of this piece, I was not in a stable mind. I had just finished fighting with Princess Celestia, ending the fight with a choice of words not suitable for public ears. In my fury, I let my body go where it wanted, and it ended up at the Canterlot Museum of Art. I don't know why I was so angry. I had kept my emotions bottled up for too long, and the bottle was starting to crack under the pressure. I was angry about everything really, I tried to patch the bottle by painting that night. I tried to create a throw-up, a type of tag that you spray paint onto a wall, designed to be done quickly so that you could paint, and move on before anybody came around and caught you in the act. However, it did not go as planned.

"I was using black paint at the time, as you can see. I kept on messing up, making the crack in the bottle larger. Every time I messed up, the crack increased in size, until it broke. When that metaphorical bottle broke, so did I, In anger I threw the can of spray paint at the wall and started punching the wall in anger. The brownish red splotches all over the wall is not from me throwing a paint brush into the wall, it is actually my blood. The end result was three fractured fingers, multiple bruised bones in my hand and wrist, and many lacerations on my knuckle. Thankfully pony magic was able to fix my hand, and only three days later all I feel in my hand is just some soreness.

"After I let everything out, I stumbled back from the wall and fell into a heap, the once dark red brick wall had been replaced with random lines of black that one would find on a foals daycare art project, accompanied by my blood on the wall. I took some time to think about what I wanted off that wall, what did I want to create. When it came to me, I discarded the black can of spray paint by throwing it at the wall again, making me feel a little bit better. I picked up the white can of spray paint, finally knowing what I wanted. The end product that you are looking at is what I finally came up with when all of that rage left my body.

"The metaphorical bottle that had broken is still in use today, as a reminder of why to not bottle emotions. After everything that happened that night, I'm just happy that no one was hurt in my anger." I finished. The three ponies just stared at me with mixed emotions. I just slid the parchment over towards Ink Drop who levitated it into a folder. I cleared my throat. "Anyways, since that corny shit is out of the way, what is this about reviewing the contract?" Celestia nodded and started speaking.

"The current contract with the museum allows the crown to suspend the contract indefinably until further notice. Seeing as how we have the power to call upon such a clause in said contract, we have decided to do exactly that. Maxwell, until further notice, you are hereby suspended from painting for the Canterlot Museum of Art." Celestia said, her poker face in full force. "As cliched as it is to say this, we are doing this for your own good."

"What the fuck? You're the one who pushed me into taking this contract because I finally found something to do that does not involve being in the castle the whole damn day!" I yelled out in anger, I stood up and slammed my hands down onto the table.

"And that is a part of the problem, You have found something to get you out of the castle, but it is not what we had in mind. Admit it, other than your trips into the city with me, the only place you go is to the art museum. Am I correct?" Luna interjected. I Stared at both of the sister before sitting back down with a huff.

"No, you're right. You guys should be happy that I am going somewhere at least."

"And we are, we just want you to do more than just going to work then coming home."

"Fine, sure, whatever," I said. Celestia turned toward Ink Drop.

"Ink Drop, you are free to leave." She just nodded her head and got out of her chair before trotting out of the room. When the door closed, Celestia started speaking again. "So I hear that you would like to work with my sister."

"I was thinking about it," I replied. "She can use magic, I was thinking that with her help I might be able to get projects done faster."

"I said yes because I thought it would be fun to hang out with him again." Luna interjected once more.

"I don't disapprove of it, I just want to make sure that you two won't do anything illegal again."

"We'll try." I said, getting up out of my chair. "Now if you excuse me, I'll go back to drawing up designs for future murals." I said before getting up out of my chair and walking out of the meeting room.

Chapter 10

I looked up at the wall in front of me as tried to figure out where to start. The owner of a local bakery had been kind enough to give us permission to create a mural on one of his unused walls. I looked back down at the parchment still trying to find out where exactly to start.

"Ready to start?" Asked Luna, I turned my head towards her. She decided to forgo her normal regalia today. And her ethereal hair had been replaced with her normal, light blue hair.

"Yeah, I'm still trying to figure out where to start, though." I said, looking back down at the parchment. "Wait, got it, let's start here." I said, pointing at a specific spot on the paper. I lowered the paper so that Luna would be able to see it.

"That seems like an ideal spot."

[Listening Material]

Luna lowered the bag of paint related materials and the ladder she was levitating and pulled out a can of black spray paint. She levitated the can towards the wall and started to spray, I put on my bandana and walked over to the other end of the wall and started to spray as well. Since I did not have magic, I needed to use the ladder fairly early on. Even though I was working slower than Luna, I still did a substantial amount on my end.

Ponies crowded around, just like the first day I painted in public. but because a princess and human were present, there were many more ponies than normal.

Eventually, when the outlines for everything were created, Luna picked up multiple cans of spray paint with her magic and went to town. I climbed back down the ladder and picked up another can of spray paint. And after a few minutes of that, I went back down and picked up another can of spray paint. This happened repeatedly for the next twenty minutes until I felt satisfied with the end product. Eventually, I went back down and waited for Luna to finish up.

"Ready to add the finishing touches?" I asked when she finally set down the spray paint cans she was using.

"Yes, I think it is time." She replied. Pulling out many paintbrushes and small bottles of paint. She handed me a platter of paint and a brush, I walked back up the ladder and continued where I left off, painting in the fine details. She did the same. About two hours after that, we had finished painting the mural. I jumped off the ladder and tossed the paint platter to the side before removing the ladder from the wall.

"Looks good." I said.

"Agreed." she replied, it was a mural of Celestia looking down from her balcony out onto the city, With Celestia smiling down upon the city, the sun was setting and her horn was glowing at the same time.

"Oh, I almost forgot." I said, picking up a brush and the discarded platter. I dipped the brush in white paint and walked over the bottom right corner of the mural. I wrote down 'M&L' in the corner before stepping back. "There we go."

"M and L?"

"Maxwell and Luna." I said, sticking out my fist.

"That makes sense." She replied, hoof bumping my fist. I turned towards the crowd, which was three hundred ponies and growing, not including the various news ponies gathering around the mural, trying to get a glimpse of it. "Ready to head back?"

"Yeah, let's go." I said, walking away from the mural, Luna levitated all of the painting materials into the bag before catching up with me.

[End Music]

[A Few Days Later]

[Luna POV]

Celestia and I sat down in front of a large TV, waiting for the evening news to start its eventual broadcast.

"Are you sure that this was a good idea?" Celestia asked, her nervousness barely visible. A skill she had acquired over thousands of years. It was, however, something that she could never hide from me.

"Sister, you need to relax, Maxwell is going to be alright." I said, turning back towards the TV. All of a sudden, loud music that one would find in news shows started blaring on the TV before fading out on a pony sitting at a desk.

"Hello, and welcome to The Equestria News Network. I am your host, Clear Voice. Today's top story is not even a story, it's an interview. The interview in question is with the one, the only, human of the castle. Ever since Maxwell arrived in Equestria, he has been shrouded in mystery. However, for the first time ever, he has allowed us to conduct an interview with him." The anchor turned towards Maxwell. "Hello, Maxwell."

"Hello, Clear Voice."

"How are you today?"

"I'm doing well, how about you?"

"I'm doing good as well, Now let's start with a simple question. What do you like to do?"

"Usually I like listening to my records that I came to Equestria with. Other than that, spray painting."

"What made spray painting so appealing to you?"

"It's honestly been something I've been doing for a long time, even before I came to Equestria. I did not grow up in a good neighborhood during my youth, I grew up in what you may call a ghetto, because of this I was exposed to crime and drugs on a daily basis. One type of crime that carried on with me into my adulthood was street art. Back home, during my youth, street art was almost always done illegally. I guess it may have been a combination of both creating art, and the allure of doing something illegal that pushed me towards spray painting as a hobby. Even after I became an adult, I continued spray painting. Despite the fact that I lived in an upper middle-class environment just prior to my arrival in Equestria." Maxwell said, visible choosing his words carefully.

"That is very interesting," Clear Voice said before asking another question. "Now, there have been some rumors about your diet." Maxwell smiled slightly at that and started speaking.

"Those rumors about being a carnivore are not that far off. In fact, I am an omnivore, meaning that I can eat both greens and meat, with meat making up most, if not all, of my protein intake. Thankfully my need to eat meat has not resulted in any problems, I have Princess Celestia to thank for that. I usually get most of my protein from either eggs, fish, and chicken, all of which is readily available at moments notice to accommodate for Griffin ambassadors. However, red meat will, unfortunately, be off-limits to me as long as I live in Equestria."

"If you don't mind me asking, why is red meat off limits?"

"For a multitude of reasons, cost, rarity, but most of all, ethical reasons."

"Ethical reasons?"

"How do I put this," Maxwell said while thinking. "Ah, almost all of the creatures which I would normally get red meat from back home, are sentient creatures here. So creatures such as cows, deer, and lamb are are unfortunately off limits seeing as how they are all sentient."

"Do you miss red meat?" Clear Voice asked hesitantly.

"Of course I miss it, can I do anything about it? Not particularly, thankfully I've come to terms with my current situation." Maxwell replied. I looked over at my sister, who seemed to be in deep thought. I looked back over at the TV when Clear Voice started speaking once more.

"I would like to take a few moments to ask about your art style." Maxwell just nodded. "Many ponies describe your art to be... dark."

"I tend to get that a lot."

"Why do you make such art?" Clear Voice asked, his voice was absent of anger, instead it was replaced with curiosity, thankfully Maxwell was able to recognize that and responded.

"I like to make thought-provoking artwork. At the end of it all, that is my goal. quite frankly, I don't care if anypony gets offended at my art. In fact, I get happy when it happens because it means that they looked at my artwork and thought about it before reaching a conclusion."

"Well what about your art with Princess Luna, if you don't mind me asking?" Maxwell smiled a bit before responding.

"Luna and I do our artwork with one end goal in mind, to have fun from start to finish. When I make art with her, I don't mind if the end product has no meaning, I just care that both of us had fun."

"Following on with the topic of Princess Luna, it's common knowledge that you two spend at least one day a week with each other. This has led many ponies to assume that you are in a relationship with Princess Luna. Can you give us the truth about this matter?"

"Ohhh, I knew this question was coming." Maxwell said while leaning back in his chair. He sat back up before continuing on. "I am not in a romantic relationship with Luna, and I currently have no plans to enter a relationship like that with her at all. As far as both of us are concerned, we are just really good friends with each other, and we prefer to leave it that way." Clear Voice nodded once more before speaking.

"Well, those are all of the questions we have for today. Thank you for coming out to see us today."

"Thank you for having me on the show." Clear voice smiled before turning back to the Camera.

"Up next, we'll be talking about-" Celestia turned off the TV with her magic.

"Honestly, I'm impressed. He handled it better than I expected him to." She said.

"Have a little faith in him, Sister." I said while smiling. I stood up and trotted out of the room, Maxwell was to return soon and I would be there to greet him when he arrived.

Chapter 10

[Maxwell POV]

"So let me get this straight. You can look at the dreams of anypony?"

"Yes."

"And you have guards every night who do just that when you are in night court?"

"Yes."

"And you want to teach me to control my dreams?"

"Yes."

Luna had just finished explaining how she could, 'dream walk,' and how it was one of her duties as a princess to do so. It was a lot to take in

"But why?"

"Because you could create whatever you want in your dreams."

"Anything?"

"Yes, anything. Can we get started already?" She asked impatiently, I was still hesitant about it.

"Ok, but why?"

"Oh for Faust's sake, can we just get started already?" She said in annoyance.

"Fine, what should I do."

"Lie down."

"I'm not into ponies, Lu." I replied

"For the love of all that is holy, Maxwell, if you don't stop messing around I will make you go to sleep!" She yelled.

"Fine, I'll fucking lie down." I said, lying down on the couch. Once I was down, I asked a question. "What now?"

"Close your eyes." I closed my eyes and began speaking just as I heard the tinkling of magic coming from Luna's horn.

"I just wanna say, if I wake up and I'm... whoa." The darkness had been replaced with a bluish purple haze, with stars sparkling in the distance. "Where am I?"

"The dreamscape." Luna said, who was right beside me, I just noticed that I was standing up. "This place allows to you create anything you want."

"Anything."

"Yes any... thing..." Luna said, looking around. The dreamscape had changed into a parking lot, with a generic looking muscle car in the middle of it.

"Ohhh baby." I said, walking towards the car, a smile plastered on my face. I hopped in and pulled out a set of keys from somewhere. Rear wheel drive, stick shift, my fucking dream car. I turned on the car and noticed that Luna was sitting in the passenger seat. "I can do anything?" I asked one last time.

"Yes." I smiled even harder. before shifting the gear.

[Listening Material] - [Oh My Darling Don't Cry - RTJ] [Call Ticketron - RTJ] Pick One

I peeled out of the parking lot and onto the dark street. once I hit the road, I went full pedal to the metal and blasted down the road. I saw a turn coming up and drifted into it, smiling like a maniac the entire time. Luna, now accustomed to my reckless driving, started smiling and pulled down the windows. I spent a few minutes going way above the speed limit, bobbing and weaving between cars and drifting into corners. Eventually, I peeled into a parking lot and drove straight to the middle where I started doing doughnuts.

"Holy fuck yes!" I yelled out while spinning the car around in circles.

Luna had become accustomed to my driving seeing as how she was Hanging out of the window while whooping and hollering at the same time. Eventually, I stopped doing doughnuts and peeled out of the parking lot and back onto the street. Luna made sure to stick her head back into the window until I hit the street once more, once we hit the straight away, she stuck her head back out of the window again.

But all good things must come to an end. After a while, I eventually came to a stop in the middle of the road, right in the middle of a bridge.

[End Music]

"That was fun." I said, huge grin planted on my face. Luna and I stepped out of the car. "So how my driving?"

"I don't think cars are supposed to do that." She said with a smile on her face.

"I don't see you complaining, in fact, if I remember correctly you were hanging out of the window Heath Ledger style." I replied. She cocked her head not understanding what I said. When I thought of that specific scene from The Dark Night, her head came back into a normal position.

"Oh." She replied. That's when it hit me.

"Wait, you can view my memories?" I asked, accidentally thinking of a project that I was planning. Something that Luna, and especially Celestia, was never to see until it was completed. She facehoofed.

"Seriously?" She deadpanned. "Are you seriously planning something like that again?"

"I'm sorry! I can't help it!" I yelled.

"When do you plan on doing it?" She asked.

"Not telling." I replied, thinking of the date. I promptly facepalmed while she smirked. "Right, you're a god, and we're in my head." This caused her to chuckle.

"Oh, Maxwell. If you do this, I'm not helping with it directly, we don't need a repeat of last time. What I will do though, is make your goal a bit easier to accomplish." She said, amusement audible in her voice.

"Oh really? How?" I asked.

"Spoilers." She said, a cheeky grin plastered on her face.

Author's Note

I have no fucking idea how to end this chapter. So fuck it, here it is. Next chapter is going to be a blast though.

Chapter 11

[The Gala]

The Gala

The Goddamn Grand Galloping Gala

It was finally here, and it was finally time to put my plan into action. I had it all planned out, while the orchestra on stage was taking a break backstage during their intermission, I would go on stage and do my thing. And it was going to be amazing.

Right after I finish this glass of whiskey though, can't let it go to waste.

I downed the rest of it in one go just as the orchestra on stage finished. Tipping the bartender a few bits, I hopped off the very small barstool and started walking towards the stage, only to be stopped by Luna.

"Don't make me regret not stopping this." Was all she said before walking off. Continuing my journey to the stage, I was able to get on it without trouble due to the guards that I had bribed earlier. I walked over to the mic and tapped it, capturing the attention of everypony in the room.

"Hello all, you may already know me. If not, then allow me to introduce myself. I am Maxwell, currently the only human in Equestria, as far as I know of. As many of you know, I absolutely love making Princess Celestia's life Tartarus. Well, I'm here to kill two metaphorical birds with one metaphorical stone." This garnered a blank look from everypony in the crowd. Including Celestia, who could only stare in slack-jawed horror.

"Now you may be asking, 'What is this second metaphorical bird?' Allow me to answer. Many times I have been approached by ponies both in, and out of the castle for permission to listen to my music. And ever request to do so, has been declined, except for one blue princess. However, I am here to give you a glimpse into the world of human music."

I walked over to the nearby Grand Piano, and sat down on the seat that was too low for me, I had been preparing for this for a few weeks now, Craning my neck down, I put my hand into position and began to play, and sing.

[What She's Got - Ray Jessel (God rest your soul, you beautiful bastard)]

Being gay can be a problem, it's true
But being straight can have its problems too

This earned me a few cocked heads, ripe with confusion

I met this girl and she's just great
But the problem is that I am straight
You ask: "How can this be?"
Listen and you will see...

She's got that style
She's got that smile
She's got the talk
She's got the walk
She's got that zing
There's just one thing
She has a penis

This earned me an annoyed groan from Luna and an inaudible squeak of anger/embarrassment from Celestia. The Nobles in the crowd just stared in slack jaw horror. While the normal ponies snickered from behind their hoofs.

She's got that flair
Knows what to wear
She's got that face
That girl is grace
She's got pizzaz
Too bad she has
A penis
She's got a penis

This earned me even more laughs from the ponies, some of the nobles were starting to warm up to the song. I could barely make out Celestia's eye starting to twitch.

Now nobody's perfect, I must admit
Say, how many times do all the pieces fit?
She's got more going than most other dolls
Oops, I forgot about the balls...

By now Celestia was talking to a head guard, who just cocked his head in confusion. He was one that I paid off, and because I, technically, was not causing a disturbance, they really could not do anything.

But she's so hip
This babe's a trip
She's distinguée
She's got cachet
She's quite a dame
Ain't it a shame
A crime that's heinous

Those lips, those eyes
And big surprise
That penis

Queue More laughing from the ponies. By now, most of the nobles and normal ponies were laughing their plots off, whereas some of the more stuffier nobles had just opted to get the hell out of dodge.

There's always some failure, always some flaw
Ain't that what they call Murphy's Law
But male genitalia, that's where I draw the line
Besides, hers is bigger than mine...

The laugh after that last line was deafening, I should probably get my ears checked for titnitnus.

She's got class
She's got that sass
She's got that chic
She's got mystique
She's smooth, she's hot
She's got the lot
Except a mound of Venus

It's a tragedy
But where that should be
She's got a penis

She's got a penis

My life's a mess
Cause under that dress
She's got a P-E-N-I-S
Yes!

Hundreds of hooves stomped against the ground as the ponies in the audience cheered. I got up out of the chair and walked to the front of the stage, and bowed deeply before standing back up and walking to the microphone near me.

"Thank you! Thank you so, much!" I yelled into the microphone, barely overpowering the cheering ponies. Once the quieted down, I began speaking again. "If you need me, I'll be at Doughnut Joes. Oh and Celly? I'm not sorry." I hopped off the stage and immediately made a beeline towards the door. The moment I was out of sight from the majority of ponies in the previous room, I burst into a full-on sprint, laughing maniacally as I ran to my room. No doubt, Celly would be dealing with the fallout of my little stunt, might as well get as far away from her as I could in the little time that I had available.

Chapter 12

[Music]

The moment I exited the ballroom, I bolted into a sprint, the destination being my room. I ripped off the blazer and flung it to the side as I neared my destination. If I was lucky, Celestia would be way too pre-occupied with nobles to even try and apprehend me herself. And the guard would deliberately drag their hooves attempting to apprehend me, because I paid them off.

I threw open the doors to my room and slammed them shut, stripping down to my underwear before quickly throwing on jeans and a hoodie. I grabbed the duffel bag near the door to my balcony and turned back, eyeing something on my desk. I Dropped the bag and looked over, On it was a necklace of some kind on top of a piece of parchment.

"If you are reading this, then I have a feeling this might be useful to you. For now, just know that the necklace can turn you into a pony for as long as you wear it. I recommend that you wear it as soon as you exit the castle grounds. The rest is not important right now, read the rest of this letter on the train. Stay safe, and stick in the shadows." My eyes shot to the bottom of the letter, where Luna's signature was proudly displayed.

"Clever girl." I whispered to myself, dashing back to the bag and throwing the necklace and the letter inside. I heard a loud thud come from the door.

"Maxwell, step out of the room before we drag you out!" An authoritarian voice said, probably was a guard. I should have paid them more. I bolted to the porch and looked down, it was about a one-story drop from here. I dumped the bag and hopped over, I hit the ground as the door opened, and hugged the wall.

"Crap, he's not here. Report back to Princess Celestia, he's escaped, and initiate lockdown protocol, no one out unless they've been thoroughly vetted and searched."

"Yes, sir!" Another pony said. They left the room and I bolted towards the perimeter, I had maybe a couple of minutes before the lockdown went into effect, just barely enough time to escape. I ran as fast as I could to the fence and threw my bag across before vaulting over it, running like the wind as pegasai deployed from the castle, I ducked in a nearby alleyway as I heard wingbeats above my head.

[Stop Music]

I crouched down and opened the bag, pulling out the small golden necklace and throwing it over myself. I felt my field of view warp to become lower to the ground as I felt my limbs morph, The pants I was wearing slid off, but I was still able to wear the sweatshirt. No wing or horn, peach fur, and a black mane, I can work with that.

"Nice" I muttered, tucking the necklace into my sweatshirt. I was somehow able to manipulate the bag, and I threw my jeans inside of it before zipping it up and throwing it over my back. I slowly walked out of the alleyway and onto the street, making my way to the train station. From here it would take me around 15 minutes. And I have a feeling the guards won't bother me because I don't look like a human.

The walk was mostly uneventful, except for the fact that guards were stationed at every corner of the city on the lookout for the sole human who had escaped their clutches. I silently giggled to myself about that as I walked onto the platform and boarded the train. The sun would be rising in the next few hours. I dropped my bag to the ground, took a seat and handed my ticket to the conductor.

Making sure the car was empty, I pulled out the rest of the letter.

"If you're reading the rest of this, then congratulations, you have managed to evade the guard, and have secured a way out of the city. But I assume that you'll need a place to stay once you do get out, as such, I have set up an account with the treasury that only you and I have access to. It should cover all costs needed in order to rent a hotel room and food. Once you do make a transaction on the account, I will be able to locate you and will come to assist you. Now The necklace you are wearing should allow you to be able to consume most, if not all, pony foods. But since it is largely untested. I would recommend only sticking to just fruits and vegetables for now. I have also set up the account under the name, 'Paint Can.' So when asked, that should be the name under the account, and your new identity for now. Other than that, I hope to see you soon, stay safe and well my friend.

-Luna"

I turned the note around and saw a few notes on the back. The account number was there but more importantly, there was another number there that I could contact in case of emergency. Celestia should calm down after a few days, give or take, and my face would be plastered all over the news by the time the sun rose. This is gonna be fun.

=============================

As I stepped off the platform of the bustling station of Manehattan, I walked over to a small vendor.

"Hey there, how much is a newspaper?" I asked.

"One bit, always has, always will be." He said in a thick accent. I slid a bit across the counter and took the newspaper.

"That's a strange getup you got there, you outta town?" The stallion asked.

"Kinda, just came in from Canterlot."

"Did you hear the news yet?"

"About?"

"The Human. It's on the front page, apparently, he made a ruckus at the gala." I looked down.

Human Sings Extremely Raunchy Song at Grand Galloping Gala. Princess Celestia Furious, Nationwide Ponyhunt Underway

I grinned a bit.

"Yeah, that sounds like something he would do."

"You know him?"

"Oh, we've met." I looked over and gave him a knowing wink. He seemed to get the message as his jaw dropped. He quickly picked it up off the ground and looked with a rabid grin on his face in an attempt to find any eavesdroppers.

"Whydya do it?" He asked in a low whisper.

"Because why not." I whispered back.

"Got anything else planned?"

"Can't tell yet." I responded, walking away from the stand and out onto the street. I hailed down a cab and hopped in.

"Where to?"

"Take me to a fancy hotel."

"There are plenty of fancy hotels in this city son, which one?" I smiled a bit.

"Surprise me." Was all I said, the stallion shrugged and began trotting towards the destination while I took the newspaper and began to read it.

'Last night the human known as Maxwell sung an extremely raunchy song for the entertainment of those at the Grand Galloping Gala. Princess Celestia was not informed of this prior to its delivery, and is reported to be furious by what seems to be the humans latest attempt at getting himself into trouble.' I chuckled at that 'Shortly after, the entire castle went into lockdown, and not long after, a pony hunt was started in order to search for the Human, who is reported to have fled the city in order to avoid Princess Celestia's wrath.' Damn right. 'However, the Princess stresses that this is not an ordinary manhunt. If the Citizens of Equestria do feel like helping the human escape, they can do so without repercussion should they choose to do so.' Nice to know. 'One major piece of information is that Princess Luna is apparently assisting with the escape of the Human. Right now his whereabouts are unknown, but personally, we at the Equestrian Post can't wait to see what he cooks up next.' Looking down at the paper, I noticed the author as one Ink Quill

Fantastic, not only is the whole of Equestrian youth probably on my side, but I think I might have free reign in order to create more art. If all goes well, this might strongarm Celly to get my contract with the Musem back. The carriage slowed to a crawl.

"We're here."

"Where did you take me to?"

"The Ritz-Marington"

"Damn, good choice." I stepped out of the cab and paid the fare, along with a nice tip.

As I walked into the hotel, the bellcolt opened the door for me. I noticed many species loitering around the lobby, many ponies, a few zebra and horses and minotaurs, and even an adolescent dragon. Walking up slowly to the desk, I shifted the duffle bag around my back and pulled out the note Luna had left me.

"Hi, how can I help you?"

"Yeah, I would like to rent out a one pony room please?"

"Alright, do you have an account you can pay from?"

"Yes, its this account right here." I provided the number.

"Alright, and what is the account name under?"

"Paint Can." The Front Desk Associate walked over to a nearby terminal and punched in the number before walking back.

"Everything checks out sir, Your room is on the fifth floor, room 537, the elevator is in the back. Thank you."

"I should be thanking you." I replied as I trotted away from the elevator, key in hand.

As I slowly turned open the door to my room, I looked around to make sure no one had followed me. It was highly unlikely, but then again with Celestia leading the helm, I can't be too careful. I set my bag back down on the ground and looked around a bit before walking out of the room, and into the city once more. I had a bit of scouting to do, Didn't matter if I was tired or not, I needed to do this.

===========

Yeah, this seems like a decent spot. I thought to myself as I looked over the bridge, Carriages zipped past me as I looked over the edge and down into the water below. If this went right, then ponies would wake up with something fun one morning in the near future. I grinned and began walking back towards the island of Manehattan.

==========

Pay phones are useful and good for covering your tracks. In this case, I wanted a bit of publicity. So I dialed a number leading to the number to the Equestrian Post Canterlot Branch.

"Hi, this is the Equestria Post tip-line, how can we help you?"

"Hi there, I would like to speak to Ink Quill please?"

"May I ask who is calling?'

"Maxwell." The line went silent.

"As in-"

"Yeah, I need his help, can you put him on?"

"Certainly, please hold." It took about a minute before a voice on the other end spoke

"Who is Ink Drop?"

"Uh, Director of the Canterlot Art Museum?"

"Oh sweet Celestia, it's actually you."

"Wait, are you two related?"

"Yes, but that's not important. Why the Tartarus did you call this number, and more importantly, why the Tartarus did you call me?"

"Saw your article, considered your corporation an ally, and I need a bit of help."

"Isn't Princess Luna assisting you?"

"Yeah, but I need help outside of the royal family, something from a reporter for a project I need kept under wraps."

"First off, where the buck are you?"

"Manehattan."

"Manehattan?" He echoed.

"Manehattan." I repeated

"Unbelievable, how did you escape?"

"Can't tell, would give too much away, all you need to know is in around 36 hours, say around 2 AM, if you have one of your crew at the Manehattan bridge at the City end, I will meet them there and show them a special project that will be completed by Dawn. Codeword, blueberry. Gotta go, sights to see and things to do, take care."

"Wait, wait a minute!"

"What."

"Why are you doing all of this." I paused, before finding the right words with a smile.

"To annoy the fuck out of Celestia." Was all I said before hanging up.

=====

As I turned on my lights to the hotel room, I jumped as I saw a Dark Blue pegasus lying on my bed flipping through a magazine.

"Luna?" I asked. She turned to me and gave a warm smile.

"Maxwell." She responded back.

"How mad is she?"

"Pretty mad."

"I thought so. So why the hell are you a pegasus?" I finally blurted out.

"Perception filter. Changed my size and decreased visibility around my head where the horn should be."

"Magic, right, forgot, but why?"

"Because I can't be seen in my normal form without potentially giving away your position."

"Oh."

"So, knowing you, you have something planned by now."

"Maybe, maybe it involves the Manehattan bridge, maybe it doesn't."

"Oh sweet Faust."

"I said maybe."

"And we both know what that maybe actually is." Finally unfreezing, I walked over to the bed and laid down on it, draping my head over her back.

"So you game?"

"Somepony has to keep you from accidentally killing yourself."

We sat in silence for a few moments, before she spoke once more.

"You know, when I originally had the goal of getting you outside of that room, I didn't exactly mean it like this."

"Hm?"

"Like this, you having to escape Canterlot and become a 'Criminal' of sorts."

"It just seems so absurd."

"Because it is."

More silence.

"Oh by the way, do you have the crystal?" I asked I heard the faint shimmer of magic as a crystal was levitated into my view. "Nice." I grabbed it out of the air and tossed it towards my duffle bag. "That should come in handy later."

"I still feel like that song, in particular, is extremely jarring, especially to such a new audience."

"Oh lighten up, you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs."

"And what, pray tell, is the omelet in this scenario."

"Can't tell you yet."

"Will it be grand?"

"Grander than you can possibly imagine."

"Should I be worried?"

"A bit."

"Do you need anything else."

"This time tomorrow, come back with all of my painting gear. I think I'm gonna ride it as a pony for a week or so, take a majority of the clothes with you back to my room. Come back at night around this tomorrow near the Manehattan bridge and I should be ready."

"You sound tired." I closed my eyes.

"I've been up for over 36 hours now." I said with a yawn.

"Couldn't sleep on the train?"

"No was too nervous." I felt myself slacken. Luna noticed, and positioned my head on the pillow as she enveloped me with a wing.

"Then sleep." I felt my eyes close my body relaxed into a dreamless slumber

========
Luna POV:

As I warped back to my chambers, I removed the disguise and crashed onto the bed. That damn human somehow roped me into his scheme to defile the cities of Equestria, and by Faust it was the most fun I have ever had since the wars of the olden days. I grabbed a pillow and held it tight as I pondered what exactly he had in store for tomorrow.

THUD THUD THUD

I looked over at the door.

"Yes?"

"It's Princess Celestia, She would like to talk to you." One of my guards said.

"Send her in." I replied, launching myself off the bed and trotting slowly towards the door.

As my sister walked in, I saw she had a knowing smile on her face, something that made me visibly stiffen.

"Hello, Lulu." She said softly as the door closed behind her. "Mind explaining to me why an account was created with the treasury that only you and a pony by the name of 'Paint Can' have access to?" Her smile turned into a smug grin.

"Well, you see."

"Don't. Keep your secrets. I won't pursue this avenue of capture, that'll just make it boring. Besides, your reaction just confirms my beliefs."

"Truly?" A grin began to form on my face.

"Yes, sister. I'll just increase the number of guards roaming in Manehattan for the time being." And just like that my grin fell.

"Really, sister."

"I can't let him get away scot-free for just leaving like that, at this point he's probably under the assumption its a game of some kind, and what kind of pony would I be if I didn't keep the game going."

When I woke, Luna was gone, and the sun was streaming in through the curtains. Looking down at my bag, I noticed that a majority of my clothes were gone, save for one full set. I noticed an object on the desk and walked towards it, it was a blank sheet of parchment with a bunch of markers. Just in case I wanted to brainstorm. I already had something in mind though.

I mostly stayed in my room that day, ordering room service for my meals. Then, when the moon was at its highest, I left. I grabbed my bag, and other belongings, and stuffed it all into said bag before leaving for good.

As I walked to the front desk in the lobby, I looked around to make sure that no one was following me.

"I would like to check out please." was all I said, handing him the room key.

It didn't take me long to reach the bridge, I saw what seemed to be a unicorn mare with a pegasus stallion holding a camera of some kind. Perfect. I dipped into an alleyway and changed back into human form, throwing on some clothes before anyone saw me naked. I threw the bag over my shoulder and left the alleyway, sticking to the shadow of shops that had closed down for the day. Once they were in earshot, I listened for a few moments.

"Are you sure he's coming? He seems late." The stallion asked.

"Ink Quill said he would be here, and he verified that it was the human that contacted him." The mare responded.

"I dunno it just feels off."

"Good instincts kid, only a madman would meet someone on the run." I said, their heads whipped to me, along with the camera. "Codeword."

"Uhh, Blueberry?" The mare responded.

"Good enough." I stepped out of the shadows and extended my hand. "Maxwell."

"Anchor Mare." the Mare said, bumping my hand with her hoof.

"Snapshot." The Stallion chimed in repeating the same actions as his partner.

"Lower that camera kid, the last thing I need is for the guard to be tipped off about a camera crew following a bipedal figure." He obliged, but still kept the camera pointed at me, Good enough. "Come along now, we don't have all the time in the world, but it should be just enough time for me to complete this.

"Uh sir, if you don't mind me asking, where did you keep all your paint."

"It's not with me at the moment, but it should be here right about now." I said, hearing wingbeats above my head. I saw a disguised Luna land right in front of me, a crate on her back. "Bout time you showed up, I would have been in a heap of shit if you hadn't got here in time."

"Well, I'm here." She peeked over my shoulder and spotted the camera crew. "Who are they?"

"They're tagging along, I have a plan for them."

"Excuse me? Who are you?" The mare asked. Luna just blinked before she facehoofed.

"Right I'm in disguise." She lifted the disguise and immediately the camera crew gasped. "Don't bow, the last thing we need is to attract attention." She redonned the disguise and dropped the crate on the ground. "That should be everything, a large amount of paint, and a long string of rope, and should you fall I'll be there to catch you, along with assisting you as well." I had already begun tying myself up to one of the railings on the bridge.

"Good to hear, now make sure they can see what I'm working on while I do it. I vaulted myself over the railing and dropped down to the wall.

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The Camera crew followed me the entire time I worked, throwing questions here and there about what exactly it was I was doing, and what my plans were, I was tight-lipped about that second thing though. As I hoisted myself back onto the bridge, I turned to the news crew.

"You know, all things considered, you guys are better than what I was expecting, so I'm gonna extend an offer to you."

"And?"

"You can come with me, I have two more pieces planned, both in different cities, you'll have to stick by my side for a majority of it, but other than that, I can pay for your living costs and food costs."

"And the other option?"

"You can leave now, publish your story, and I'll go back to Canterlot to turn myself in."

"I say we take what we have and go." The Camerapony said

"Wait a second though, this could be the scoop of the year, following around a pseudo wanted individual while he commits crimes of some sort that are partially sanctioned by the crown." The mare blurted out. "In fact, this IS the scoop of the year, we would be fools not to take it."

"What in Tartarus are you doing." Luna whispered in my ear.

"Causing mayhem" I replied. I turned back to the duo and spoke. "So, have you made your decision?" The stallion looked at the mare before speaking once more.

"Buck it, if this gets us arrested I quit."

"And I'll hand down a pardon." Luna replied.

"Tartarus yes we're in!" The mare nearly yelled. I just grinned.

"Well, let me find an alleyway and change. First stop Las Pegasus"

====================

I stepped off of the train station in Canterlot, Luna had already teleported back to the Castle, and I had left the news crew back in Manehattan. I looked at my watch, 5 minutes till 8. Perfect. I walked down the street relishing in the stares of bewilderment as I seemed to casually walk in the direction of the palace. But I wasn't going there, I was going to a small electronics shop near the castle. Or more specifically, the display case that was viewable from outside.

"I stared at it as I waited, the news was on, and with my luck, it should be just in time."

"Sir Maxwell?" I heard a voice behind me.

"I'm under arrest yeah yeah yeah just hold on a second."

Then, it began.

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"We start tonight, with a special segment from our Studio in Manehattan." The Anchor on the TV said. "One of our correspondent, Anchor Mare, had the rare opportunity to follow a creature on the run from the law. You may know him as the Defacer of Canterlot, or even the Creature with No Filter, but his name is Maxwell. And he provided The Equestrian Post with a rare opportunity to watch him work against the law."

[Begin Music]

The studio cut to a clip of Maxwell rappelling down the side of the Manehattan bridge.

"When I first met Maxwell, I didn't know what to think, he seemed to be extremely uptight about his work, the fact that he allowed us access to see him and Princess Luna work in such conditions was for lack of a better word, unprecedented." Anchor Mare said in a voiceover.

"Hand me that black paint." Maxwell was heard saying.

"What do you need black paint for?"

"To create an outline."

"But it was clear that he did have a goal set out when he created each and every single one of his pieces when we were with him." The camera zoomed out to show that of a mare in a police hat, winking. She had a doughnut in her mouth, and her baton resting across her shoulder. "When asked why he created this piece, his response was, 'I just thought it looked cool.'"

"It was on the trains and during the scouting missions that we got to know him better, and he opened up about why he vandalizes public property."

"I dunno, the thrill, the loneliness, the nostalgia, maybe I'm insane, maybe it's all four." A pony version of Maxwell said, he was eating a pizza while he stared in the distance. "That is a nice wall." He muttered.

"It was only during his third mural, in Vanhoover, that we discovered why he worked alone."

"I had a partner once, before Luna."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Always told Luna she was the first. Here, she is, but back home there was someone else."

"What happened." He continued to paint.

"It was a normal night, just him and I roaming around town, tagging every wall we could find. Little did we know, we stumbled on gang turf."

"What happened." He just continued to paint.

"We got caught. I ran, he fought. I heard gunshots, and the next day his corpse is floating down the river. It was my fault he died, I led us there, I should have left earlier, but we didn't. I don't take partners anymore, No one else is gonna die if I fuck up, only me."

"Is that how you've always felt?" He stopped painting and looked off into the distance.

"Yeah. I should have died that night. It was my idea to tag until the break of dawn. But here I am instead."

"But you let Luna help you with your work, why?" Maxwell looked over to Luna and smiled slightly.

"She was insistent and threatened to leak my plans if I didn't." He said with a slight chuckle "She and her sister helped to bring me out of my shell, got me an actual job. And this is how I repay them." He continued to paint.

"What are you gonna do after this?"

"Turn myself in."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"No caveats."

"Nope, just take my punishment and move on. If I'm allowed to continue to create art after this crime spree, then you already know what to expect."

The camera panned over the last mural, One of both the solar sister with their respective planetary body behind them before zooming in on Maxwell signing at the bottom corner with an M&L

"Is there anything you would like to tell the audience before you go back to Canterlot?"

"Yeah. Follow your dreams, but have a backup plan in case [censored] hits the fan."

The footage cuts to Anchor Mare, standing in front of a video screen staring into a camera.

"When I first met Maxwell, I wasn't sure what to expect. I knew he had no filter, but even then I wasn't expecting to get much out of him other than how he conducts his work. But as time grew on, I learned more than I was expecting. I learned about a creature that loves the thrill of creating art where he shouldn't. Whether it could be classified as a coping mechanism or just a way to express himself, or maybe it just being a combination of them both is up to you to decide, and for him to reveal if he so chooses."

Maxwell POV:

I felt a wing envelop me as I stared at the TV. glancing to my side, I saw none other than Celly, looking at the TV alongside me.

"I think they did a good job, what do you think?" She asked. The impromptu crowd that had amassed to watch the broadcast just stared at us, I leaned into her a bit and wrapped my arm around her neck.

"Yeah, I think they did." I said in a low voice. we stared a the television a bit longer, which panned over my most recent works.

"Let's go home, Maxwell." Celestia said.

"For once, I agree with you." I replied. And so, we slowly walked back towards the castle, where my punishment awaits.

Author's Note

I don't think I can top this. I don't know if I'm done with this story or not so stay tuned in case I decide to vomit more content.

Songs
Elvis Presley - A Little Less Conversation
OMEGAH RED feat. MF DOOM and RZA - Books of War[