Shining Armor is Best Colt

by Damaged

Rating: everyone
Tags: Night Light, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Shining Armor, Twilight Velvet, Slice of Life
Length: 6907

Shining Armor is my name, and my comfortable life is rudely intruded on by a little filly. Wait, who is "Twilight Sparkle"? I am talking about Mi Amore Stinky Plot!

Shining Armor had the best life ever. His Dad was literally the most awesome stallion in all Equestria (even though he was a cheat and played dirty). His Mom played even more dirty, and always seemed to win, but was the best mom in all of the whole of Equus.

It was perfect, just the three of them, until a filly intruded on their lives. Cadance von Cooties was her name, well, "von Cooties" was a title popularly applied to her. There is a reason she has this infamous title: she was a cootie sorceress. She could bend ponies' minds merely with the power of her cooties, and she was moving into Shining's house!

This was meant to be a one-shot, but the idea has stretched into 3 chapters. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them.

See This Blog for licensing.

Published 2017-03-25 13:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-28 13:28:06 UTC

Fillies Stink!

I looked from my mom to the pegasus filly. "Why does she have to live here?" Even I could tell my tone was petulant, but I didn't care. It was all stupid. "Fillies stink, Mom." It was a known fact, after all.

"Shining Armor!" Mom sounded upset, but I was more upset so I won. "You will apologize. Not everypony at school has family in Canterlot. Now, say you are sorry to Mi Amore, young stallion." She had her best frown on, which came close to trumping my own.

"Will not!" I glared at the pink pegasus. "She can stay at the school, or up in the castle!" As my mouth closed, I felt a flash of magic as something was teleported right inside; I knew the flavor, soap. "Mom!" The word was lost around the horrible lump of "bad taste" in my mouth.

Mom had won, soap trumped all the angry I could summon. She rubbed the soap inside my mouth and with me unable to talk, laid down the killing blow. "I will scrub the naughtiness right out of you, Shining. Now apologize to Mi Amore."

"P-Please, call me Cadance." My attention snapped to the filly as she spoke. There was so much pink to her it hurt my head just to look. I wanted to spit the soap out at her and levitate her away. "And please, it's okay." I froze, along with the soap.

"He still needs to apologize." I looked away from the "pile-of-pink" towards my mom. Her gaze was uncompromising, and ready to light me on fire if I kept up the behavior that spawned it.

When the soap disappeared, I knew I had to say something, and it would have to be a "good one." I sighed. "Sorry I called you stinky." I hung my head. Admitting that a filly wasn't stinky was just about the worst thing a colt could be made to do.

"Cadance will be staying in the spare room. You are going to help her with her bags, like a good gentlecolt." Mom's tone brooked no arguments, not that I could raise any now.

"Yes, Mom." I struggled and fought with my magic, eventually getting the pink stream to reach all the way up my horn. Focusing on the biggest bag, I levitated it up. Making sure I had a superior smirk on my lips (even if they were still dripping soap suds), I looked to Cadance. "Just tell me where you want it."

"Thank you." Cadance's words were typical of any filly, but a look at her face almost made me drop her bag. She looks cute I thought. The three words undeniably mine, but felt so foreign that I was sure it was mind control—probably to do with her cooties.

"Y-Y-Your welcome." I galloped, full pace. I had to get away from her so she couldn't see the blush on my cheeks. The temptation to throw her bag as hard as I could was great, but it was just too heavy to. Setting it on the floor just inside the door, I turned and had her right in my face again. "It's over there." I gestured with a hoof. "What did you have in that, bricks?" Yeah, that was totally why I blushed and thought she was cute, I was lifting a huge load of bricks around that the filly kept to make colts look stupid.

"My school books." She walked past me, unzipping the bag to show me she wasn't lying.

I squinted at the volumes, trying to spot the one that dealt with mind-control by cooties. Without a better look I wouldn't be able to recognize such a horrid tome. Then I realized how quiet it had gotten between us. My hooves itched, and without another thought I bolted, racing for my own room and slamming the door. "Stupid, stinky fillies."

~~~~~+++++~~~~~

Comics. Comics could take me anywhere, and let me be whoever I wanted to be. Today I was SuperStallion, who watched over Maretropolis. I saved lives and was the coolest pony ever. I may look like just a unicorn, but I could fly using my own magic. I zoomed around the city in my head, weaving through buildings.

"Help!" The cry came from the top of a nearby roof. Zooming up I slammed down, one foreleg slightly bent in the best superpony pose ever. "Help, please!"

My head snapped around, my eyes narrowing on the owner of the voice. A pink pegasus wearing a skin-tight suit. My eyes narrowed. "You again?! What is this, some kind of—"

"Trap? Yes." As she spoke, her voice no longer colored with fear, the ropes snapped closed around me. "Like this? Impervium rope; not even SuperStallion can break it." The mare stepped closer, seeming to shrink as she did. "Dinner's ready."

I froze, blinked, and lowered my comic. Cadance had the door open and—judging by the way she carefully hadn't actually stepped into my room—clearly knew "the rules." Putting my comic down, I jumped off my bed and started walking for the door. I summoned my best "superpony" voice to reply in. "Thanks." My voice broke at the end of the word, making it sound silly. "Stinky plot."

"No problem, SuperStallion." When she said the name, my heart skipped a beat, then a second. "Last pony downstairs has to do the dishes."

"You're o—" The rest of my reply was lost in the sound of buzzing wings as Cadance raced off in a cloud of what I knew would stink horribly. "B…" I held back from the bad word; moms could hear those words no matter where in the house they were said. I summoned my dignity (more like scraped what was left of it from the floor), and followed Cadance downstairs.

"… and Shining said he wanted to do the dishes with me tonight. I really just want to help." Cadance's voice was horrible enough, but the words made my head jerk up in surprise.

"You didn't try to talk her into helping you?" Mom had focused on me, but my mouth was hanging open. She must want to infect me with more cooties I thought.

"Oh no, I asked him!" Cadance smiled up at Mom, and I saw the doubt melt away. More mind control; how far would this spread? "May I set the table?"

I took a step onto the stairs and—likely due to the mind controlling cooties—completely misjudged it and started to fall forward. A cerise glow wrapped around me as the ground fell away, and my heart raced until I realized Mom had a good grip on me. I had managed to tumble in mid-air—expertly of course—so that when Mom floated me down to the bottom of the stairs I was upside down. Before I could stop her with my mighty magic, she kissed my cheek. "Be careful, Shiny."

"Moooooom…" I groaned as she set me back on my hooves. "Not in front of the F I L L Y." I made sure to spell the word out, knowing for sure that Cadance wouldn't understand that. It was no good, I saw Cadance's ears twitch and swivel as I finished and entered panic mode.

"It's okay, C O L T, I thought it was A D O R A B L E." Cadance's smug look was insufferable and dumb. Okay, maybe just the first one. Using her wings, she finished setting the table for four while I glared on.

At last something interesting broke me from my boundless focus and I ran into the living room. "Dad!" Lowering my horn, I charged. My hooves pounded like thunder, blood thudded in my ears like the sound of war-drums, and I slammed into the best dad in all of Equestria's magic.

"Dear?" He was calling out over my head, so I tried to poke my hoof up at his snout to silence him. "I found a raging barbarian, what should I do with him?" Lashing out again and again, I was unable to silence his words with my hooves. At last I grabbed hold of one of his legs with my mouth. "Dear! Help I have been injured!"

I growled furiously as my dad collapsed under me. "He got you again, huh?" Mon found me standing on top of Dad as he feebly waved a hoof in her direction. "Oh no, I am not going near him when you have stirred Shiny up. We have a guest, remember?"

"The foal the school needed us to look after for a few days?" My prey found its second wind and I tumbled from Dad's side onto the floor. Pouncing back, I was wrapped in pale-blue magic and held up by my tail.

Dad carried me into the dining room again and, flipping me around in mid-air, set me down on a chair. I started trying to leap at him again, but his blue magic kept me anchored to the chair. "Next time…" And of course, the moment I gave in he let go. Dads play dirty sometimes—which is awesome. I was all set to make an advanced strike on Cadance, when Mom floated in dinner.

The next few moments passed in a rush, and only needed a few grunting sounds—mostly agreeing—before my plate was completely empty. When I looked up, I saw nopony else had even gotten halfway through their dinner yet. "I win!"

"Shining Armor!" Mom sounded more impressed than shocked—it was awesome. "Since you found the need to make a race out of dinner, you can wait here until we are all done."

"Yes Mom." I gave a sigh and looked down at what I thought was an empty plate, only to find an extra helping of Mom's potatoes on it. Darting a look to my dad, he only shrugged. I knew the "completely not innocent" look he gave me, though, and our forehooves met in a soft clop.

The extra food let me pass the time without looking around the table, but I finished even that before Mom was done. Finally, she set her knife and fork down. "Alright Shiny, you may—"

I was off my chair and running, but wasn't getting anywhere. "Mom?" I recognized her magic as it held me in the air. "Dishes, Shiny." All four of my legs fell straight, limp, and lifeless. I have to do the dishes… close to a filly my thought was filled with despair and a loathing for the horror my life had become.

"It's not so bad, Shining. Look, Cadance is going to help." Dad pointed a hoof to the kitchen, where the pink pegasus was already running hot water into the sink. Clearly, Dad had suffered a turn. To think, cut down in the prime of his dad-hood. "Go on, the quicker you start, the quicker you finish."

A funeral march started to play—or it should have—as I dropped back to my hooves. Head down, I walked with slow, halting steps into the kitchen. I gave a sigh and reared up to start working on the plates.

"I'll do the drying. You will be better at washing anyway." Cadance sounded entirely too bubbly and happy; she was definitely up to something. Using my horn, I started lifting plates into the hot bubbly water, my mind zooming away from the task as I went. Grab a plate, scrub a plate, pass it on. "Thank you." It was all fine until she spoke, until she reminded me that a horrible, stinky filly was beside me. I replied in the only way that seemed appropriate.

"Phbbbbbb!" Flawless victory. Even when blowing a raspberry, superpony Shining Armor was the best at everything. Closing my eyes, I struck a pose. "I guess you helped, but—" I gasped as a splash of water hit my face. "Hey!"

Cadance looked right in my righteously outraged eyes. I was about to come back with a perfect one-liner (just like SuperStallion), when she beat me to the punch. "You're cute, Shining Armor." I froze up, I stared past her like she wasn't there. When she left, I had no clue, those two words kept rattling around my head like a pair of manic pin-balls. At last I unfroze and looked around for the evil cootie-sorceress.

Trotting out of the kitchen, I found Dad sitting in the living room alone, reading a book. "Where did she go?" My demands earned a surprised look from Dad.

"Cadance or your mother? Both went to their respective beds. Something a certain colt should be doing." Dad's words stoked the fires of rage higher.

Stalking to my own bedroom, I made a solemn vow. "I will never let that filly get the better of me!"

Author's Note

Support me on Patreon or fuel my writing on Ko-Fi!

Join me on Discord. Warning, said chat may contain NSFW material and should be considered adult in nature.

Awesome ponies who are already helping to keep me in keyboards and rum:
Canary in the Coal Mine
Daremo
Mary Rowland
Boulder
A.P.O.N.I.
Mephia
Nils
Ian
Dio-Drogynous

And special thanks to the following, for careful eyes and friendly words:
Jeffh4
Vutava
Cross Lament

Everypony Stinks!

For being a superpony, I sure had to do a lot of planning in the morning. I heard von Cooties step from her room and head downstairs—but still I waited. When Mom yelled for the third time I knew it was the perfect time. Grabbing my bag and tossing it on my back, I trotted out of my room and down the stairs. "I am running late, Mom! Can't slow down!" I turned for the door, completely ignoring everything.

"Shining Armor!" Mom sounded angry, but she wasn't anywhere near her maximum level yet. I reached the door, only to find it glowing with Mom's glowy magic. "You will come here right now young stallion."

As I turned, I noticed the window wasn't open; Mom was learning. "What, Mom? I am going to be really late!" I trotted over to her and looked up. The storm-cloud of an upset frown swung completely to a warm smile. This was so much worse than angry-Mom ever could be, for one I couldn't possibly defy her.

"You are going to walk Cadance to school with you, Shining, and you need to straighten your mane." I felt Mom's magic start working at my mane and realized I was completely trapped. "And don't worry about being late, I talked to the school already."

"Oh, so we can wait until after lunch? Awesome!" My comic books waited for me, were practically singing my name from my room. I got two steps before Mom's grip on my mane tightened.

"I don't want to be a fuss Mrs. Velvet. I know where the school is, and I don't want to make Shining late." The wave of cootie-stench was almost overwhelming as Cadance walked up beside Mom. Her left wing held two packed lunches, and clearly both were mine.

"See? No fuss!" I used my own magic to grab for both bags, trying to get them away from the Queen of Cooties. Our eyes locked and I realized I had a tougher opponent than I initially thought; maybe she wasn't a queen after all, Empress of Extremely-Bad-Smells. "My lunch?" I gave a gentle tug on both packages again.

"Here you are." Cadance was using mind-games: she only passed me half of my lunch.

"There," Mom gave one last tug on my mane, "all done. Now be nice and show Cadance around, dear." All I could do, it seemed, was huff a reply and stomp outside.

"Bye Mrs. Velvet!" Cadance was wasting time. Of course I was going to show her how to get to school… if she could keep up. I glanced back—from the end of the street—and saw Cadance chasing after me with her wings flicking furiously. "Wait up!"

Dashing around the corner, I was out of sight (and thankfully smell) of her. With the school in sight I charged at a gallop—SuperStallion flew! The wind blew past my face, and I saw other foals heading in to first class. As I reached the door and the end of the line of foals both, I stopped and panted.

"Hey, Shining." The voice of my best buddy got my full attention. "Hey, who is that?" I saw Flash just inside and, puffing out my chest like the hero I was, clopped my way up to him.

Watching where he pointed, I saw Her. "We gotta run. She has crazy cootie powers. If you are close enough to smell her you will be done-for!" Shock registered on his face a moment before it turned hard. You can always trust a good friend to know when it was time to take everything absolutely seriously as I thought the words, Flash grabbed me and pulled me further inside.

"Then we have to warn everypony!" Flash looked left, then right. "All the colts will be safe until at least tomorrow, none of them are stupid enough to approach a cootie-infested-filly." I nodded along with his reasoning.

"So we have to warn the other fillies." I lifted a hoof up to stroke the tiny bit of white fuzz of my chin—it's what Dad did when he had to think. "I've got it! We tell them she is so stinky all the foals at her last school had to leave, and the teachers too, and if anypony gets too close they will start to smell too and have to leave school!"

Flash was staring at me in shock. For a moment I wondered if the Ultimate Empress of Cooties was behind me, but then he opened his mouth. "That is the best plan I have ever heard. It can't fail!"

"But there is a problem with it." Admitting there was a problem with my master plan was disheartening, but essential to working around the problem. Flash stared at me with a look of shock and curiosity. "One of us needs to talk to fillies." I lifted my hoof and set it on Flash's shoulder. "I couldn't ask you to do it, Flash."

"I volunteer!" Flash stood straight as a die, his little wings raised in the air. "Sir! I need to do this. For Equestria!" I watched him charge past me without a word, if I said something it might break his nerve.

Somepony began ringing the bell for first class, and so I queued up to head in with the others. Flash trotted up to me, looking proud as punch. "How did it go?"

"I spoke to Cheerilee." Flash's cheek had a suspicious amount of blush in it. I sniffed him and almost coughed—he stank of filly. You brave soldier. You will be remembered my thought was focused on my best friend, and how that could have been me. "She said she would warn all the other fillies to keep away from her."

Opening my mouth to reply, I found it too late to talk to my friend; class was starting. Once everypony had their seats, I noticed that Cadance was nowhere to be seen. In my special school book—the one reserved for drawing in when a teacher wasn't looking at me—I began to draw stinky pink fillies with flies and stuff zooming around them, and bonus stink lines.

"Class," Miss Apple addressed the whole class, "we have a new student joining us today." She gestured to the door. Sure enough, it opened to reveal Cadance wearing a big smile. "Please make Mi Amore Cadenza welcome."

Mi Amore Stinky Plot I wrote the words under the drawing I made and grinned. As I watched, a glorious thing happened: Cadance walked up to an empty desk and sat down, while the sound of desks being scraped on the floor echoed through the room as other foals tried to keep their distance.

Too distracted to pay attention to a mere maths class, I focused on my drawings, and by the time class was over I had quite the collection of stinky fillies in my book. And a worn-out pink pencil. A good thing, pink is totally a filly color, best it be gone forever I thought as I looked at the nub.

"Hey Shining, class is over!" Flash bopped me in the side of the head once, so I turned to face him and lowered my horn. "Whoa, calm down!"

Calm was my surface. I was SuperStallion in disguise as I walked slowly from class. As we got outside with our lunches, I carefully set mine down and launched myself at Flash. "SuperStallion never fights where there could be co-lingual damage!" Flash was good at fighting too, though, and gave as good as he got.

Soon we were both puffing hard; a truce had been called. "SuperStallion, shall we team up?" Flash pointed out into the playground, right at the perilous pink pegasus. "A foe greater than any we have faced threatens Equestria!" This was why Flash was literally the second best colt ever: he got what really mattered.

"Of course!" Floating both our lunches over, I opened mine and gave Flash his. "It looks like your warning worked, Colt Wonder, everypony is keeping their distance." I bit into the candied apple Mom had packed, the sweet treat melting in my mouth.

"Hi Flash." The tone was all wrong. My ears twitched at the slight lisp of a mouth filled with metalwork. I turned my head to trace the path to where my ears were pointing, only to see Cheerilee. The apple I was eating turned sour, clouds filled the sky and it began to rain. Well, maybe just the first bit. "I told all the other fillies, but are you sure she really stunk out a whole school?"

Flash had taken a direct hit to his colty-smell for me, I had to back him up. "Of course! Didn't you hear about it? Some town," I waved my candy-apple off into the vast distance, "oh, of course you wouldn't have, not now. She was so stinky…" I had both Flash and Cheerilee hanging on my every word, perfect. "… they abandoned the town. Even the timber wolves ran away." I lowered my head, considering the topic well-closed.

A combined gasp from Flash and Cheerilee was my signal to sink the nail in the coffin, but when I looked up I saw them both hugged together in their fear. My mind raced to deal with the level of cootie-infestation my friend was suffering from. Don't show fear I thought, as I lowered my apple back into my bag. Inhaling slowly, I used my magic to aim the hose at them just before turning on the tap.

"Shining Armor!" At Miss Apple's yell I let go of hose and tap; my horn snuffing out to hide what I had done. She was yelling, of course, because Cheerilee and Flash were yelling. "Turn that hose o—" Oops, the hose was whipping around and now Miss Apple was just as soaked as Flash. I looked around, found my lunch-bag and tried to make a run for it.

~~~~~+++++~~~~~

"Why did you spray Flash Sentry and Cheerilee with the hose?" Principal Tutor gave me the same sigh as Dad did when he found me doing something that had a long and complicated series of reasons as to why it had to happen. "Well?" Oh no, I waited too long to reply. At least this time there was a simple answer.

"Cooties." I nodded. It explained everything. But when the Principal raised one eyebrow—and held it there impressively—I felt my iron resolve start to squish like jello. "Cheerilee was covering Flash with cooties. I saved his life." I puffed out my chest proudly.

"And then Miss Crab Apple had these… cooties… too?" I sighed in relief at the Principal's words—she understood.

I nodded. "All fillies have them, and I heard Mom say last week that she knew Miss Apple in school when she was a filly. At least now we know she doesn't have them anymore."

"Young Stallion, I can promise you that every filly, and ex-filly, is given a complete and thorough de-cootying before being allowed into a classroom." The Principal's words surprised me, I looked on in growing awe as she continued. "Twice. And I can promise that no pony on these school grounds has cooties anymore."

"You… are… the… BEST!" I jumped up onto her desk and held my hoof high for a bump, and of course I got one. "Thanks Principal Tutor!"

The Principal's hoof rubbed my mane. "Now go back to class, and be sure to apologize to Miss Apple for soaking her without reason. I promise you she is cootie-free." I snapped a sharp salute—that I had been totally practicing with one of the Royal Guards that patrols down our street—and turned for a high-speed desk dismount.

Class was the same (this was geography), so I was back at my desk after a mumbled "Sorry" to the teacher. Opening my book, I looked up attentively, and noticed Cadance was still dealing with an "exclusion zone." My magic picked up a pencil and I began to draw again. I was about to add the stink-lines and flies, when something hit me She doesn't have cooties anymore, the Principal cleaned them off!

The nub of my pink pencil soon turned into not even a nub. A nubette? A nubling? Diet nub? I launched it at the trash basket up front when Miss Apple had her back turned. "Flash?" I leaned over to my soggy best friend. "Can I borrow a pink pencil?"

Flash stared at me with daggers in his eyes. There was a tense moment when I thought a war was about to start, but then at the last moment he used a little wing to pluck one from his case. "Here." It was just about the most disappointing gift I had ever gotten—I could have done with another fight.

"Thanks." I tuned class out completely, everything faded into background scratching in my mind while I worked. A bit more fluffy here. A more rounded curve to her jaw. I looked briefly at Cadance, trying to judge how feathery her wings were.

I almost didn't notice the bell ring, and Flash got up and left without me. I sat alone, finishing my drawing. I was completely focused until I heard the sob. SuperStallion was on duty right away, and although it sounded like a filly I would not turn down a distress call. Then I saw the source of the sob: Cadance.

My heart beat faster, she hadn't even seen I was here, she thought she was alone. SuperStallion couldn't stand a pony crying, however. Getting up and grabbing my bag, I walked over to her. "W-W-What's wrong?"

"Nopony likes me. They all run away when I try to make friends, even the other fillies!" A slight tingling built in my heart at the explanation. I tried to follow as she broke into full tears now. "I thought it would be different here, I didn't think anypony would hate me just because of how I look."

I wasn't SuperStallion anymore. I stepped closer, closer than the desks that had been pulled away from hers. "I… I am sorry." I felt terrible. It was obvious what had happened, I had made a pony cry. I stepped closer still. "I didn't mean to—"

Fear filled me. If I was a pegasus, my wings would be standing on end. Cadance was wrapped around my neck hugging me. "I just don't know why they all ran away?!"

"It was my fault." Mom had always told me that when you really mess up, only the truth can save you. "I told Flash to tell them all that you were stinky." Her sobbing stopped at least, but when Cadance jerked her head back from me I could still see tears in her eyes. More was needed. "I am sorry I did that, you don't…"

"What?" I never knew one word from a filly could demand so much. I looked into her eyes.

"You don't deserve that. I get a little carried away sometimes." I was done for. I couldn't close my mouth now that her eyes bored into me. I had to keep talking, had to fix what I had done. "I will confess tomorrow, I'll tell them it was all a fib…" I saw a slight smile pull at her lips, and then it all sunk home for me: a filly was hugging me, smiling, and staring into my eyes. "Oh b…"

I ran. I bolted. I galloped for all I was worth and didn't look back.

Author's Note

Support me on Patreon or fuel my writing on Ko-Fi!

Join me on Discord. Warning, said chat may contain NSFW material and should be considered adult in nature.

Awesome ponies who are already helping to keep me in keyboards and rum:
Canary in the Coal Mine
Daremo
Mary Rowland
Boulder
A.P.O.N.I.
Mephia
Nils
Ian
Dio-Drogynous

And special thanks to the following, for careful eyes and friendly words:
Jeffh4
Vutava
Cross Lament

I Stink!

Stealth was out of the question. This was worse than when SuperStallion was hypnotized and became evil. Using my magic I threw open the front door and slammed it suitably behind me. The stairs were no obstacle, I charged up them without even giving it a second thought. I gave my bedroom door the same treatment as the front door, slamming it soundly behind me.

"Shiny? Are you okay?" Mom's voice came from the other side of my door, but there was nopony alive I wanted to see right then.

"Go away, Mom." I fussed at a box in the corner of my room and found that old copy of SuperStallion. Floating it over, I held it up so my eyes were hidden behind it.

Of course, Mom wouldn't be a mom unless she opened the door to find out what was wrong. "What happened? Did somepony do something bad?" Of course somepony did, Mom, it was me the thought was bitter.

"No. I don't want to talk about it." I hated each word because they made more tears come. I turned the page to see SuperStallion stealing candy from a filly, a scene that had puzzled me in the past—fillies were not meant to posses such things—but now even the word "candy" made me think of Cadance.

"Okay Shiny-dear. When you feel ready, come downstairs—I made cookies." Of course Mom would use cookies; she literally made the best cookies on the whole planet. I gave a little sigh, now my eyes and mouth were watering.

"Thanks, Mom." I stayed steadfast, my eyes unable to make sense of the comic through the distorted lens of tears. My bedroom door opened and closed again, the sound of heavy hooves leaving made me relax only a fraction. "I am such an idiot."

"Yup." Cadance's voice made me jump a full foot off the bed. My comic went flying and I ended up on my hooves facing down the intruder. "You left your things in class." She twitched a wing, showing that she had my bag on her back.

"Go away…" I stopped myself just before I called her "stinky," and even the thought of it made more tears rush to my eyes. My voice wavered and I could barely get a sound out. "I just want to be alone."

"Well, you can be alone if you want." Cadance stepped closer to my bed, and hauled my bag off her back. "But if you are, can we be alone together?" I turned my head and glared, unable to tell if she was rubbing my own misdeed in or not.

Looking at Cadance, studying her face, I could see the quickly rubbed runnels of fur that trailed from each eye. I could still see the frown—or how she would frown if she weren't smiling now—that she had worn in class, when I told her what I had done. "That's stupid." I was so sure of my logic that I forgot to gather my beloved comic from the bed.

"Well, now we have both done stupid things today." Cadance plucked up the comic before I could grab it, and now I didn't dare without risking tearing it up. "SuperStallion Issue seventy-five?" She turned around and plopped down on the floor beside my bed, her back to me. "It was another storm-filled night in Maretropolis. SuperStallion, in his guise of Colt Kanter, was relaxing in his apartment when…"

I wanted to tell her to go away, and I would have used bad words to do it, except then my thoughts beat me with what I had done. Telling her to go away was every bit the same kind of thing that I had already done. Instead, I turned around and stared at the wall, ears turned to listen while I remembered every perfectly drawn panel of the comic.

~~~~~+++++~~~~~

"… I will never do that again." Cadance had been really good at reading, better than I would have been. She hadn't even stumbled on the made-up words in the comic. "That's actually pretty cool."

I jerked my head up and looked at her. "What, really? Fillies are meant to like the cute comics, the…" I shuddered for more than just effect, "pink ones." I was confident in my dislike for pink, right up until my brain interrupted with the question, Then why did you spend all day drawing pictures of pink fillies?

"Ugh, don't get me started on that!" Cadance sounded genuinely annoyed. "The nice ponies I was living with last seemed to think that is what a little filly would like. Luckily I had a friend who did like them, and swapped as many as I could for BatMare."

She had my full attention now. "BatMare? SuperStallion's greatest ally? Oh dang I love those!" I had to rub the last of the tears away from my eyes to yank a box from the corner of my room. "I have all of them!"

"I never got to read the first one, I…" She trailed off, her mouth staying open just a little as she looked at me. At last she closed her mouth into what was a wide smile. I suddenly had to look away, I couldn't stand looking at her grin, nor could I work out why my cheeks were feeling hot. "How about I trade ya?"

My ears twitched at the question. "Whatcha got?" I turned back and saw my special school book held in Cadance's pink hoof. "That's already mine!"

"Nope, some of these things in here are clearly mine!" Her voice was infuriating, and stupid. I suddenly remembered what some stuff I had drawn was, and felt that heat in my cheeks again. "So, you get the book back for the comic. Except for one."

"Gimme my book back!" I railed against the idea of bartering it back, that it was stupid and was literally a loss for me. I snorted a few times in annoyance, staring at my greatest foe ever. "Alright, but you have to read it again." She has infected you with cooties, she is controlling your mind, Shining Armor! my thoughts drove a wild jab of panic into my system, if she was really taking control of my mind how did I know everything wasn't her doing, just like Doctor Control-o in the comic?!

"Deal!" The word snapped me out of my panic for a moment.

I looked down at the BatMare #1 floating beside me. It was in a special plastic slip, and Dad had told me I wasn't aloud to touch it with anything but magic. "Here." It tore at my heart to give it over, but I did, I deserved to lose something after what I did today.

"This is a first issue?" Cadance's eyes were huge as she stared at the comic in its special sleeve. "I'm not supposed to even touch this, am I?" The question took me by surprise.

"Nope. Here, I'll hold it so you can read." My horn sparked to life, and I gently drew the comic from the plastic slip and carefully opened it. Laying down on my bed, I held the comic up so Cadance could read it.

"I'm BatMare!" We could both see the comic while she read, and I found myself shifting a little to get comfortable. " 'You're a freak!' one of the—"

"Shining!" Mom's voice interrupted Cadance and got both of our attention. Opening the door, I saw a surprised expression on her face before she schooled it into a smile. "Dinner's ready, you two." She turned and left us.

I closed the comic back up and, when Cadance held up the plastic sheath, I slid it back reverently. Part of me hoped she would give me the comic back, another part was sure that she shouldn't. My mind flew to the end of the SuperStallion #75, where Colt Kanter made up for his day that totally wasn't his fault, by doing things for the ponies he had been mean too. "Let's go have dinner."

Walking downstairs, I saw Dad and Mom were already at the table, and were looking at each other in an odd way. Climbing up on a chair, I had the oddest feeling I was being watched. Looking up from my dinner I realized my greatest fears were realized. "What?" Three sets of eyes were locked on.

"Nothing, dear." Mom tried to hide a smile with a mouthful of food.

I turned to Dad next, who quickly looked to Mom, then down to his own food. At last I turned to Cadance—who winked. My mouth dropped open, ready to demand what the joke was. Slow down. Think. What would SuperStallion do? the thought pulled me up short. Of course, he would cover his identity, relax, act completely calm, and do something to put the heat off. "I saw Flash and Cheerilee hugging today." Perfect, complete distraction.

"Well, they are at that age." Mom winked to Dad, and then Dad winked back. I was safe, though.

Then something ate at me. I looked to Cadance and remembered one of the things SuperStallion never compromised on. Inhaling, I opened my mouth. "But I did something bad today." Mom and Dad both turned their heads to look at me. "I… I made the other foals not want to play with Cadance."

"It was okay." Cadance's voice startled me so much my snout nearly hit my potatoes on the plate. "He said he was sorry." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She was covering for me!

"Well, that's the main thing." Mom smiled at me, the "parental stare" that had started to form faded completely. I looked to Cadance, and got another wink.

Dinner wasn't really a race this time, not when nopony else could keep up with me. I was sitting up straight, trying to make sure everypony knew I had by humming. "You could start on the dishes if you want?"

"Okay." My acceptance got a surprised stare from Mom and Dad. Even I was a little shocked at it. But I headed for the kitchen and its relative safety from odd looks and filly-winks.

~~~~~+++++~~~~~

"Shining?" Flash's voice caught me by surprise. I stopped trotting. "Shining," Flash leaned in and cupped his hoof, keeping to a whisper, "you know there is a filly beside you, right?"

"Well duh." I puffed out my chest. "Just the coolest filly in Canterlot. Don't tell anypony, but she reads BatMare!"

"You know I can hear you, right?" Cadance's words yanked us out of our huddle.

"Really? You read BatMare? Pfft!" Flash strutted up to Cadance and looked at her suspiciously. "I bet you don't even have one with you now. A real fan would—" He froze, Cadance pulled out a comic—thankfully she wasn't bringing the #1 to school—and showed him.

"Told you she was cool." I put one foreleg over Flash's back. "Now, we need a plan. We have to make sure everypony in school knows how awesome Cadance is as quickly as possible…" Inside, SuperStallion stood proud again. I puffed out my chest and trotted beside my two friends, barely noticing the tingling on my flanks.

Author's Note

Christmas Day, 2016 was when I came up with the basic outline for this plot. Talking with friends, discussing cute and silly ideas. I hope everypony had a good laugh as Shining Armor learned quite a bit from this little situation. What is in for his future? By the time Twilight Velvet tells him the good news, I think he will be a bit more comfortable around fillies.

Of course we all know the tingling on his flanks was just a horse-fly or two, and who can guess which of the drawings that Cadance got to keep?

Ultimately, just a fun little write. Be well everypony!

~~~~~+++++~~~~~

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