This is why we can't have nice things.
This is why we can't have nice things.
By:Prince Galaxy
Edited By:Chrome Masquerade
It's been six months since Equestria appeared. They decided that they had the right to exterminate a sentient species; seven billion of them. They almost won. Key word, almost. There were only one thousand of us left, but that's when I discovered some... Special things.
One day I took a sniper rifle and jumped, did a three sixty, and I shoot every single one of my dummies in the head, do that three times again and you realize, shit is off. So yeah, I have the aim of a Demi-god. So what?
Fast forward to tomorrow, I play poker. Is it normal that I get the best cards every time?
Fast forward again. This was unexpected. I put on my sunglasses to be cool. The world around me obeys my command, seems like normal everyday life. Right?
"Well, time to take our land back. Wanna spectate?" I asked.
"I don't see how I cou- Oh yeah, forgot about the whole super power thing."
"I'm going to get the show going. Time to snipe some fools." I said.
--Equestria Day Court--
"So, who is next?" Celestia asked.
"A human apparently; a child. Clearly not the sharpest tool in the shed."
"Let him in." Celestia said.
"Hello! So, I'm here to threaten your nation to a war unless you give us all our countries back and a lot of other shit." I stated.
"Why don't you take it directly? I'm sure my guards would be glad to convert you." She said with a grin.
"It's called trying to talk before doing." I said.
"Unfortunately, your kind isn't known for doing that." She returned.
"Wow, low blow." I said.
"It's the truth that hurts most." She said, giggling. A princess needs to cool off sometimes.
"Using that logic, admit that you can't control the sun." It. Is. On. You could hear a faint explosion in the distance. Yes...Yes...The memes and swag are working...
"It doesn't matter. All your kind will be converted. Now, little child, let the guards take you to get converted. It's going to make your life a lot better!" She said.
"How about... No." I said.
"Well, if you don't respond peacefully, violence will have to be employed.Shining Armor! Take him." She ordered.
Time to make this as cool as possible. With a flick of the wrist I went invisible.
"Potions, alchemy, fackin' magic!" I said as I launched a grenade that de-activated all magic.
"My magic doesn't work! I can't see him!" Shining Armor said.
"The more you have... The more it hurts when it all gets taken away from under your hooves." With that said, I walked up behind Shining Armor and sliced his throat open.
"How could you!?" Celestia shouted.
"Because there is one thing that I know... It's that a six inch blade never loses reception." That's when half of all the military of Equestria fell to the ground, cold. Dead.The power of badass.
"You see, my teacher told me that, for how shy I was, I should be quiet. I didn't listen to her advice." Boom, all the military infrastructure gone!
"What dark magic is this!?" She asked, enraged.
"All your base is ours!" And down goes a quarter of their military, again. "And another one!Another one!" Down the entire military goes. The elements had arrived by now.
"Stop now, you demon, or we will destroy you with the elements of Harmony!" Twilight said, clearly not noticing her brother's body.
"Nu, I don't wanna." I answered.
With that they shot their rainbows at me. But I retaliated with a dab. Hell, it worked! And the elements blast off again!
"BY THE POWER OF DORITOS!" An aura started forming around me."MOUNTAIN DEW!" The aura enveloping the entire throne room."MLG GAMING!" The aura started representing the things that I said. "SWAG!" The aura becoming more complex with ancient writing. "THE MIGHTY MLG SNIPER RIFLE AND THE OBEY CAP!" Cause I could. "TO CREATE THE ULTIMATE SWAG SUNGLASSES OF BADASSERY, AND, THE FINAL WEAPON, THE GOLDEN KNIFE!" And with that, I stabbed Celestia, her body disintegrated with her shouting, "Nooooooooooooo!".
My mission was done. Humanity was back on top with the power of MLG, I was on the throne. On my right was Luna...
WAIT, SHE DID WHAT!? SHE BOWED?!
"To the grand master of gaming, I shall forever worship you." She said.
"Ok, consider me as your equal. I'm a liberalist." I said.
"Ok, can you teach me how to... Badass?" She asked.
"Yes, but you have to prove yourself and put our culture back on track. You will be accepted as a nation of our world. Also, go get the elements.
Don't know where they went." I said. "Wow, it is Lit AF!" I done did it!
The End...
BUT WAIT!
Author's Note
One shot yolo.
AND A LOT OF BADASS, COOL AND SWAG.
Where are the elements?
By:Prince Galaxy
Edited By:Chrome Masquerade
"Soooo... You have any idea where they are?" I asked.
"I know as much as you know." Luna said.
"OK... Aha! The elements... Without the bearers." With a sigh. we followed the hoofsteps. it's been... seven hours.
"So, why did your sister want to conquer us?" I asked.
"She hated your technology and said you were evil. Your attitude, your way of thinking, and practically everything else." She responded.
"Seems nice. I see that she derived that the only logical conclusion was to let a race -sentient, might I add- go extinct, since human actions were bad. So, yeah." I said.
"Sorry. At least we're better now, although we're hanging by a thread." She responded.
"Hey, I made sure to go green and we're in our golden age now. Half of us have forgotten, a quarter don't give a shit, the others are hunting ponies and we're trying to keep them under control.Can't say the same for the ponies. Half of them are complying and co-existing with us, but the other half are openly trying to strike our police officers down. We've got them under control and are trying to rehabilitate." I stated.
"The elements! Trying to strike down police..." She said. You could hear a faint sound, mostly "Desist!", or "Get down!".
"Oi! Stop it!" I shouted, which only resulted in AJ and RD rushing at me.My guards just put up two riot shields. They still went, but not my fault if they get brain damage. If they don't have any yet.
"You!" RD screamed, before slamming into the riot shield. AND WE HAVE A WINNER. RD IS KO. RIOT SHIELD 1, RD -10
"Takes dedication to be dumb." I said.
"Savage!" Luna giggled.
"That's my power in a nutshell." I said.
"Good point." By that time, the elements were staring at us mouths agape, probably because of Luna.
"How could you, Luna!?" They all shouted.
"What?" And that was when the darude sandstorm appeared. A lot of swearing was done.
"Darude." I said.
"I agree." Luna affirmed.
"Get them in rehab. Finally! Could not care less at this point." I said.
"So... what now?" Luna asked.
"BO3 or CS?" I said.
"BO3!" She exclaimed, excitement in her eyes.
The actual end.
