Something 'bout holes, but I don't know what.
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Something 'bout holes, but I don't know what.
Celestia peered at the compact text of the contract before her, thoughts and ideas slipping from her conscience like sand through an hourglass. "Honestly," she groused, narrowing her eyes to try and make the text more readable. "... they could use a bigger font."
"Saves on printing costs, I'd imagine." Luna answered her thoughts, sitting at another desk a short distance away. This is what their days had devolved into, mindless tedium coupled with bottomless boredom. "I think I read an analysis somewhere that using a smaller font saved somewhere in the neighborhood of fifteen thousand bits per year."
"Fifteen thousand bits that we're shorting some valuable members of our stationery community." Celestia grumbled under her breath, bringing the rounded end of her pen to her lips. She gnawed on the cap; something to do in the mindless hours of reading contract after contract. Not to discredit their constituency; there were dissertations, analyses, and reports to read, too!
She gleaned over half of the text on the parchment before her, and the page after, before adding a compact signature to the last sheet and bundling them together, labeled for return to whatever issuing party had been seeking them out. Extra funding for the astrology committee? A request for the education board to take two hours for lunch instead of one? She couldn't have said either way.
The emergence of Twilight's new kingdom in the burgeoning town of Ponyville had seen an almost inequine level of documentation introduced to their humble little diarchy. Twilight had insisted that everything they do now had to be documented, filed in triplicate, and notarized to assuage them of any culpability in upcoming debates. Along with so much paperwork had come one of the most despicable creations to ever disgrace the surface of Celestia's impressive lifespan: Lawyers.
"More for you, your majesty." Her aide had entered the office almost silently, his soft hooffalls lost amid the lush carpet. He had two full sheaves of paper in his saddlebags, each pressed so tight together she suspected some vacuuming spell was to blame.
"Crisp?" She asked the unassuming unicorn, who straightened at being addressed. "Why must you burden me so?" He gave a dry chuckle at the light jab, relaxing slightly.
"You could delegate, your majesty. I'm certain I could assist-"
"No," Celestia cut him off with a sigh, hanging her head. "It's our burden to bear, after a fashion. The price we pay for opening ourselves to Twilight's idea of a government, and how it ought to be ran."
"I suspect some choice words for the young princess are due."
"Choice." Celestia deadpanned, taking the stack of papers from her aide and setting them amid the others she was steadily plowing her way through. "What time is it?"
"A quarter to ten, your majesty." Crisp responded, closing his saddlebags and smiling at her. "Shall I send word ahead?"
"Please." Celestia nodded, returning her gaze to the paperwork before her. "I daresay I'll need every minute of our lunch today."
"Understood." Crisp nodded his acquiescence and departed as quietly as he had come. Luna hadn't even looked up as the two of them shared a quiet conversation, but she did speak in his absence.
"Lunch at Chez La Hay again? Is it Wednesday already?"
"'Tis indeed." Celestia affirmed, a faint smile finding its way onto her muzzle despite the dry report before her eyes.
The conversation with her aide had been, for all intents and purposes, code. Being royalty meant Celestia was entitled to several benefits, up to and including her own secrets and dalliances. Not even Luna knew of the arrangement she had with the other party alluded to in code, and she had a standing arrangement with the senior staff of Chez La Hay to indicate the princess did indeed take her lunches at the upstanding restaurant, alongside other important socialites and government officials.
Celestia's actual destination was actually down the street and around the corner from the restaurant, the distance traversed under the guise of a simple invisibility spell. It was a secret to everypony except her aide, and the owner of the establishment she quietly slipped into.
Pony Joe's Donut Shop was busy at this time of day, just ramping up into the lunch rush. Celestia had to cautiously maneuver around milling ponies, dodging between tables and booths, or the stools leading up to a white linoleum counter, across which confectioneries and coffee made their way in equal measure. Most ponies were too wrapped up in the delightful, fluffy heaven that filled their mouths to notice the casual brush of mane or tail, and any that had felt Celestia squeeze past paid no mind in favor of washing down sugary pastries with hot, delicious coffee.
Behind the counter, the proprietor and namesake of the establishment was busy shuttling donuts from oven to counter, and counter to waiting hoof, a constant exchange of yeast, flour, sugar, coffee, and bit. He was a paunchy buck, certainly nothing along the lines of a heartbreaker, but he had a certain gruff, roguish charm to him. Light stubble stood out on his muzzle, and his apron was stained or spotted with various fluids. Syrup, coffee, sweat. He was the antithesis of a Canterlite, disheveled and crass where so many others in this city were meticulous and courteous, if not eloquent.
He was so decidedly ungracious that Celestia couldn't help but take an interest in him. Long ago, when he had first arrived in the city, she'd been fascinated with him. Now, she considered the stallion one of her best friends, and a confidant to be trusted with some of the most sensitive matters of state. Or, as it were, the matters of one of the heads of state.
She tugged on his apron with a faint glimmer of magic. Once, a pause, and then twice more. He knew the signal well, they'd practiced it dozens - perhaps hundreds - of times over the course of their engagement.
"'Ey Ruby, I'm off fer lunch!"
"Wednesday already? Alright, Joe, you have a nice one!" Joe was a resourceful stallion, and could handle some of the larger rushes in the food industry flying solo, relying largely on a fair amount of preparation and gruff no-nonsense business practice. He only enlisted part-time help rarely. Ruby was one such mare, and trustworthy to boot.
Celestia - still invisible - followed Joe as he slipped into the back of the restaurant where they kept the ovens, supplies, and other accoutrements of a donut establishment. He wasted no time in stripping out of the apron and folding paper hat, leaving them hanging on a peg by the back door. Only once he was free of both his uniform and the restaurant did Celestia engage him again, this time with a firm tug of his foreleg.
"Mmph!" Joe froze, his lips plastered to hers, despite Celestia still being invisible. To anypony peering into the dim alleyway behind the shop, they'd simply see Joe standing there with his lips puckered, as if in thought, when in reality he would be engaged in a kiss with the princess, and an insistent one at that.
Celestia itched in the worst way. It was a low, dull, insistent heat in the pit of her stomach that seemed to buzz through her entire consciousness. The scent of grease, coffee, sugar, and stallion mingled in her nose as she let the kiss stretch on. She was breaking tradition like this. Normally, she would wait until Joe was somewhere more private before engaging him, but the past week had been so tedious that she couldn't resist any longer.
He was so crass, so imperfect, so un-canterlot in his demeanor and appearance that Celestia hadn't any choice but to fall for the buck, head over hooves.
"Gettin' a little frisky when we really ought not to." Joe muttered under his breath, an almost fetid odor of stale coffee and donuts. Celestia inhaled it deeply, relishing in the scent of him, of something so undignified and unrefined that most socialites shuddered at the mention of his name. She couldn't care less, knew it bothered him in some ways, but justified his actions in others
"I guess I should hurry, eh?"
"Please." Celestia whispered, as if afraid they would be heard. Despite the faintly steady stream of customers coming to and from the diner, she knew they wouldn't be, but still; her insistent, breathy voice spurred him into a light trot. She took wing to follow, flying overhead while Joe made his way to a nearby tenement.
He was doing well for himself, despite the grousing of the more well-to-do ponies of their fair city. His home was a spacious two-bedroom condo amid others; homes of mid-level government workers, mildly-successful artists, and single salaryponies. He had no immediate family, parents in a nursing home, children from a failed marriage living with their mother in Manehattan, and doing well for themselves as thanks to his successful business. He lived as a bachelor would, with a modicum of clutter. An unwashed uniform draped over the back of a chair here, untended paperwork taking up a quarter of the kitchen counter, dishes left on the coffee table, stained with the leftovers of whatever he'd eaten for dinner last night.
Celestia loved it - loved him - ever so much. It was a testament to the fact that he was so much different from the others in this city. Different even than her own sister, who seemed to rejoice in the tedium; the dull day-to-day of their bureaucratic lifestyle. He slipped in the front door, leaving it open for just a few moments longer than necessary, which allowed Celestia to slip in behind him. She dropped the invisibility spell and threw the deadbolt lock on the apartment the moment she was inside, rushing forward just as Joe turned around.
His roguish smile persisted into the kiss Celestia pressed upon him, much more hot and insistent than the last. She pushed him back with the eagerness of the embrace, her forehooves leaving the floor to wrap around him, drawing his body tight against her own. He was smaller than she was, as were most ponies, but not by terribly much. His stature, pudgy as it might have been, was a perfect complement to her own, fitting against her barrel as if he were molded to be there.
"Heavens above, Joe, I've missed you." Celestia panted between hot, insistent kisses, raking her hooves back through his unwashed mane.
"Same." Joe growled, short, to-the-point, punctuated by a delightfully firm nip against her neck. She shuddered at the brief flash of pain, her wings flaring out to fill the living room. Their insistent embrace had backed Joe up to the couch, which he haphazardly fell backwards onto. His hooves hooked around her barrel, pulling Celestia down atop him. She straddled Joe, a fire in her eyes, and in her core. She wanted him. Needed him.
And, judging by the insistent pressure against her belly, he 'needed' her, too.
"You certainly were missing me, weren't you?"
"Been since last time." Joe growled, still nibbling at her neck. She gave a soft 'aah' as he ruffled the coat along her neck just the way he knew she liked, eliciting a wing-stiffening shudder from the princess. An idle thought crossed Celestia's mind as she let him lavish attention on her. 'What would the upper-class citizens of this country think if they knew of my dalliance? What would the nobility have to say if they saw me, their immortal ruler, dry-humping a coffee-slinging restaurant owner?'
Joe flexed beneath her, lifting his insistent arousal up against her stomach, and the thought was banished to the moon.
'Fuck it.' Celestia lifted her hips, one hoof dropping between their bodies to light on Joe's throbbing cock. He was hot and insistent, already dribbling pre as she pushed him between her thighs, his flared head pressed to her glistening core. As he'd mentioned, the last release she'd had was their last engagement, and she needed it as badly as he did just then.
He entered her with no resistance, only giving another flex and a soft grunt of acknowledgement. Her hips moved slowly, systematically, working in a circle atop his own. She was no small pony, not by any stretch of imagination, and he wasn't the most well-endowed stallion in all the divine specimens she'd sampled in her lifetime. But they fit in a way that spoke an almost deeper, primal meaning. He was perfect inside of her, adjusting to the squirming pulsations of her aching marehood. He pressed all the right spots, in order, almost like clockwork.
She climaxed first, as was often the case, thanks to her pseudo-pegasus physiology. Her hot wetness grew more insistent between them, and she knew from experience if she were to look where they were joined, his shaft would be lathered in her erotic juices. She still rode him, though, smaller circles and softer gestures until the buzzing high of her orgasm faded away. When it passed, she grinned down at him, and he leered up at her.
"Gerrof, it's my turn."
"Haah, yes, please." Celestia acquiesced, climbing off of Joe and the couch both. She almost turned to trot into the bedroom, their typical arena of lust, when his teeth clamped down on her tail. She gave a throaty yelp as he hauled her to a pause, her back legs suddenly weak with the firm, almost painful pressure he was exerting on her back end. They did give, in a fashion, and she felt her hips drop a foot or so. Joe took the opportunity to mount her, his bobbing cock slapping against her belly several times as he adjusted to the height and angle.
"Siddown." Joe growled, his mouth still full of her tail. Celestia didn't hesitate even a moment as her haunches plopped onto the carpet. It was such an undignified, embarrassing posture, her posterior thrust out with her forelegs half-bent, keeping her knelt forward far enough that he could still service himself with her dripping cunt. And service he did, pushing into her with almost no warning. Celestia didn't care. She couldn't possibly bring herself to, in that moment. She felt him fill her as only a stallion could, twitching and pulsing inside of her molten innards.
"F-fuck," Celestia breathed, hardly an utterance. It felt as if it had been an age, when in reality it had only been a week. Just one orgasm would never be enough for her. She felt a second approaching at the rough, callous treatment, spurred on by the insistent tugs on her tail. Joe showed no quarter with his assault, plunging his flared cock deeper into her with each thrust, adding jerking tugs along with slow, insistent pulls. Each new sensation rushed through Celestia's physique, making her wings flare wide and open, her tongue hanging haphazardly out of her mouth. "Fuck!"
"Yeh?" Joe grunted around the ephemeral strands of her tail. "Tell me how yeh wan' ih!"
"Harder!" Celestia panted, screwing her eyes up in concentration. "Fuck me harder!"
'So undignified. You're being rutted like some hussy in heat, and you can hardly control yourself.' Her self-admonishment wasn't punitive in nature. Well, perhaps a bit, but Celestia knew it would help. She felt no shame for her actions here. The rough nature of her relationship with Joe, the secret she kept in making sure even her own sister didn't know of this, her choice in stallion...
It all helped lend to the idea that she was different from all the others. The high-strung, uptight, judgmental ponies who looked down their noses at the world and sneered with disdain at anything that didn't fit perfectly into their pretty little world, that stood out from what their preconceived notion of what 'acceptable' and 'good' were.
Celestia was being fucked as if the stallion's life depended on it. He had reached a fever pitch of thrusts, plunging into her gaping cunt with enough force that his testicles swung up to impact her clitoris, furthering her own orgasmic endeavor.
"FUCK!" He grunted, hilting himself inside of her. She felt a flood of warmth kiss her womb, thick and ropy as it sprayed all over her inside. She felt herself grow more wet at the emission, certainly not helping the mess back there, but making her so self-assured that this is what she wanted, what she needed. The sensations thundering through her veins - love, lust, appreciation, relief - were amplified all the more by the setting. A quiet condo in the industrial section of Canterlot, on the neglected floor of a bachelor's apartment, surrounded by the scent of sweat, sperm, stale coffee, and unless she was mistaken, mold.
Nopony - not her sister, not their uptight constituents, not even the servants at the castle, would ever deign to stoop so far, to subject themselves to such seemingly embarrassing treatment from an unkempt, 'disgusting' stallion.
On that front, Celestia considered herself better than them. She could do what so many others would consider unseemly, or embarrassing, or improper, and it would make her feel all that better for having done it. Joe was a perfect gentlepony, had been shy when they had first engaged one another. She could remember him, five years younger, with only a little less paunch on his barrel, a little more hair in his mane and tail. He'd been only a little more energetic, but much more nervous. She looked over her flanks at him, heaving breath as if his life depended on it, drooling into the strands of her tail, his seed oozing out of her flexing cunt.
"I love you, Joe." She crooned.
"Five years ya been sayin' that." Joe chuckled, spitting her tail out onto her back. "I wonder if you're ever gonna get tired of it."
"Only if you ever get tired of dealing with my demands." Celestia stood, feeling Joe slide out of her. That absence of presence, of pressure inside of her, coupled with the tickling dribble of sperm sliding down her thigh, made her shudder. "I feel so dishonest, sometimes, meeting like this. Under false pretenses."
"Hey, I'm good with it. You know I am." Joe's expression was hard; serious. "I know it'd be a big deal if we was found out. Embarassin' to ya. I don't want that on your head, and you don't want it on mine. We're golden, babe. Always have been, always will be."
That admission, no matter how many times she heard it, still made her heart swell. She kissed him again, sweetly, without tongue or the insistent need for gratification.
"Shall we re-locate to the bedroom?" She asked, her husky tone evident of the growing arousal. Joe was no spring chicken, but he was still a stallion, and she was (admittedly) a very beautiful mare.
"Sure thing, toots." Joe's lecherous smile preceded a playful smack against her rump, shooing her into the bedroom. She cast a coy smile over her withers at him, adding a bit more sway to her hips, more chances for her tail to swing aside and reveal her delicate, oozing pussy to him.
His bedroom was, in stark contrast to his living room, immaculate. The spread was finely-woven high-thread Saddle Arabian cotton, and would feel absolutely luxurious against her coat. Sure enough, as she sprawled on the covers, it felt not unlike sliding into a spa's oily bath, or taking a dip in creamy syrup. She luxuriated in the feel of it against her coat, writhing atop the bedspread with her legs splayed open, shameless and brazen.
She could tell he was fixated on her marehood, the delicate pink lips flared and glistening with arousal. She was already aching for another orgasm by the time he plopped himself down between her legs, his hot breath washing over her coat. She knew what was coming moments before it arrived, but she still hadn't prepared herself for the shock of it.
"AAHN!" She cried out, her back arching with the sudden jolt of pleasure that rocked through her. His tongue dragged a long, slow, luxurious lick up her damp petals, putting just the right amount of pressure at the right time to spread her open, tease her entrance with the faintest brush of pressure. He was heedless of the remnant of his own release, lapping through congealed pockets of thick sperm, almost as if he were cleaning her from the inside out.
'What's the point in getting clean when getting dirty is so much more fun?' Celestia mused, writhing atop the covers still. He stilled her with a single hoof laid on her stomach, massaging small circles to keep her calm. The firm pressure served to elicit a soft, crooning noise from the back of her throat, and her entire body buzzed with pleasure, practically singing with joy. 'Maybe we should move our meeting up to twice a week? Certainly we can find some time on the weekends...'
Her internal thoughts had distracted her, and she had missed him re-adjusting. He stood between her thighs now, his pulsing stallionhood bobbing in the air before her splayed petals. She wrapped her hooves around his neck, urging him closer. He obliged, pressing against her - pressing into her with an insistent, low groan. Their lips met at the same time their hips did, with his penis buried between the two of them completely.
Celestia's tongue spilled out, seeking his, and that musty, lingering taste of a stallion who'd eaten breakfast and not found the time to brush his teeth yet again. It was crass, improper, perhaps even disgusting by some more austere standards. But to Celestia, it tasted of Joe, of the stallion she'd confided in for five full years, who had shared intimate moments like these and his own secrets in equal measure.
Their love was unconventional, as would any that Celestia partook in. Their dalliances were not relegated solely to the erotic. There were many times, particularly in the past, that they had spent the lunch hour in each other's hooves, wiling away the time with idle banter, pointless chat, or simple, contented silence. Other times, when they had managed to trade the lunch hour for an evening, they would sleep wrapped in one another, enjoying the presence offered by the other's kind, understanding soul.
But most of the time, Celestia was hungry for him, and he for her. His thrusting increased in tempo, making her body shake with each new kiss of pelvis on pelvis. She would loose a thin whimper from the back of her throat each time he hit that spot inside of her, urging him on, coaxing their coupling to an even more meaningful conclusion. She would hold out for him, and he would rush to meet her, but the incongruous peaks came at different times. She bucked her hips into the air, lost in the thundering wave of pleasure.
His cock was expelled from her cunt with a spray of juices, product of a vicious orgasm that would have been unseemly, unsanitary in other company. But for Joe, it was everything he needed to spur himself to the last height, his hoof wrapping around the shaft of his cock to stroke himself to completion.
Celestia felt the ropy expulsions land on the coat of her stomach and chest, pooling where they gathered in volume, each one painted across her body in a lewd display of loving attention. Any other mare would balk at being on the receiving end of such a disgusting assault, the sticky strands inevitably clumping into the hairs of her coat and making grooming oneself a disgusting, unsightly chore.
Celestia loved every moment of it, her hooves scooping up the larger bits to ferry to her mouth. Salty, and almost vile. But the symbolism, of showing Joe just how hungry she was for him, on a physical and sensual level, was worth enduring the taste in her mouth. Would be worth enduring more, if she knew what was coming next.
Joe straddled her face, his oozing shaft still dribbling the last tendrils of cum onto her lips. She licked him free of the last bit of sperm, swallowing the bits despite the protest of her gag reflex. She'd have much more to swallow than just that, and she welcomed the challenge readily. His shaft pressed into her mouth, opening her lips forcefully. She let her muscles go slack, swallowing around his shaft, her breathing coming in the threads that managed to seep around the blockage of his cock. She could hold her breath for an inordinate amount of time, making her quite skilled at fellatio. She could bob her head for minutes at a time without needing to stop, let her drool coat the flesh, her tongue spilling out of her muzzle.
She liked to be on top for this. Asserting herself when she knew Joe liked it most, she changed their positions, rolling atop the pudgy stallion to take control of the situation. He sprawled out beneath her, caught halfway through his refractory period with a semi-hard erection. She felt him overcome that hump after another minute's devoted attention, growing to full stiffness in her mouth. Her ministrations didn't pause, or even slow, as he arrived at full mast once more. She straddled his face, giving him perfect view of her matted coat and eager fuck-hole, but kept it out of reach of his mouth. It wouldn't do for him to take a measure of control back from this situation; she was in control now, and he would have to deal with it.
He wouldn't. She knew he wouldn't. He knew she knew he wouldn't, and they were better off for it. She gagged on his cock now, the guttural expression of her desire coinciding with a spray of saliva that would spatter his testicles and stomach. She was showing that she wanted him more than air, that her hunger was overriding the barest, most simple need to breathe.
He responded with another blast of cum, rocketing directly past her tongue and down her gullet. She slurped at his seed, gulping the load down as strand after strand pulsed into her mouth. Earth Ponies were renown for their emissions, however, and she couldn't capture it all. She released his cock with an explosive breath and more saliva, both her spit and the syrupy emissions of her stallion coating her lips and face. Hungrily, she lapped at his shaft, cleaning the last bits of semen from it.
But there would be no more. He was spent, and she was full.
"Fuckin' A, you're gettin' more and more hungry. Like a succubus."
"Hah. You wish." Celestia chuckled, adjusting so she stretched out beside the spent pony beneath her, kissing at his neck tenderly. "They can push you through your refractory period by force of will alone. Not to say I couldn't, with a bit of handy magic..."
"Please, no." Joe chuckled, loosely wrapping a hoof around her, pulling her close. "I think I've got enough - more than I can handle."
"Suit yourself." She cooed playfully, capturing his lips for a brief moment. The kiss was brief, intimate, and heartfelt, especially in the aftermath of the depraved events they'd just partook in. They lay like that for a few long moments, simply maintaining contact at the lips, their breath mingling together in the space between their noses. She could smell the scent of Joe; sweat, sex, and the cloying vapor of sugar and coffee.
The smell of her stallion, as crass, unrefined, and ugly as the others in this city might have said he was.
"Welcome back. Have a good lunch?" Luna hadn't moved from her spot behind the desk, the stack of paperwork in her 'in' tray only marginally smaller than it had been.
"I did indeed." Celestia bubbled, smiling at her sister. Luna glanced up from the paperwork, back down, then did a double-take, a slight smile spread across her lips. She got up from her desk, padding around to advance on Celestia. The elder sister almost balked, but Luna raised a hoof to wipe at the corner of Celestia's mouth.
"You must have had the salad; you missed some ranch dressing."
Horrified, Celestia watched Luna lick the bit of white fluid off of her own hoof.
