If The Walls Could Speak, They'd Ask You Why You Put This Mare In Charge
There is nothing more lonely or thought provoking than sitting alone and having tea. That's what Princess Celestia had told her so many years ago.
Granted, the princess had been trying to conceal that she was nursing a hangover from a fifteen-years-old Cadance at the time, but the words sounded wise so Cadance liked to repeat them to herself to make her situation sound more impressive. At least it would sound better than ‘Ruler of an empire is dining solely at a table designed for about twenty ponies’.
“Well, this certainly is riveting,” Cadance muttered to herself before taking a sip from her teacup. Like the walls, floor, table, chairs, and pretty much everything else in the castle, it was made of crystal. Or at least a crystalline substance, she wasn't too sure. For all she knew it was painted to look like it was made of crystals. It wouldn't surprise her.
Cadance pushed her seat away from the table, standing up and giving a smile so sweet that it could turn someone off candy for years. “Oh Shining,” she said in a slightly sing-song voice. “Wouldn't it be nice if you could join me for dinner? We've been so busy lately, it's such a tragedy!”
Cadance stepped to the side, using her magic to shift her manestyle into what could more easily be described as a mullet. When she spoke again, her voice was much deeper. “Well Cadance, that would be great, but you know that I'm gonna be busy tomorrow with training the guards to fight benevian snake monsters. Smoky Shield almost lost her leg last week!”
Cadance jumped back to her original position, letting her mane fall into its former, albeit more messy, position. “But Shi-i-i-i-ining, it's been so long since we just sat down and had a meal together. Why don't you let Flash take over?”
Cadance fell into her Shining persona, shaking her head vehemently. “Honey, you know what happened last time I let Flash take over training.”
She took a third spot right behind her chair. She pulled her mane into a mass of spikes. She had to wonder how Flash was able to keep it in one place without copious amounts of hair gel. “C’mon Shining, can't you just let that whole incident with the battle axe go? Iridescence made a full recovery!”
Cadance went back into Shining mode, giving the space where ‘Flash’ had stood a cold glare before glancing back at ‘Cadance’. “Anyway I'm just not sure if I have the time. Besides, don't you have a ton of work to do with petitions and all? Plus Flurry?”
Cadance became Cadance again, a shocking thing that, and waved a hoof dismissively. “Don’t worry, Shining. I can just put in some work before then to even out the load and ask Sunburst for a favor. As for Flurry-” Her voice vanished as she put a hoof to her chin. “Who is taking care of Flurry right now? I could’ve sworn Sunburst was taking care of her today, but he's off visiting Starlight in Ponyville so…” Her eyes widened as she managed to put two and two together. “Flurry!” With that, Cadance pulled open the dining room doors and flew out the room.
“Okay, now you’ll be seated here, alright Flurry?” Cadance sat Flurry down on the high-chair next to her. As it turned out, everypony had somehow forgotten to put a place for her in their schedules, thus meaning that Flurry had been given the freedom to do whatever her heart could desire.
Apparently her heart desired to teeth on her crib.
“Now, where were we…?” Cadance took a seat herself, pulling her chair back to the table before taking a sip from her teacup. She sat there for a few moments before groaning. “Okay, officially bored. People have waaaaay over-romanticized the act of drinking tea.” She glanced at Flurry, flashing her daughter a small smile. “What do you think I should do? Got any tips for mama?”
Flurry gave Cadance a curious look before she turned to the teacup. She reached for it with her hooves, making groans of effort that Cadance couldn’t help but see as adorable.
“What, you want this?” Cadance lifted the cup with her magic, giving it a twirl. Flurry’s eyes were then transfixed by the magical display, staring wherever Cadance’s light blue aura went. The princess of love began levitating the cup around her daughter, making sure to keep it slow so as not to spill anything.
Flurry smiled and giggled as she tried reaching out for the cup. It didn’t take a genius to know that her little goo’s and ga’s meant that she wanted to try holding the cup.
Cadance chuckled, finishing off her drink before levitating it into her daughter’s waiting hooves. “Here you go, sweetie.” Flurry got to work immediately, looking over the dish with the level of wonder and excitement that only a toddler could have. Or Shining Armor when he gets a new comic. “Just be careful, it’s made of-”
Smash!
...It retrospect, it’s probably a poor choice to give a crystal cup to a toddler with a short attention span and alicorn level strength.
“...Okay, new plan. We’re getting you a babysitter, young lady.”
Cadance shut the dining room door behind her, a plate and a new cup of tea held firmly in her magical grip. “I give that mare about twenty minutes before she snaps and calls for backup. Until then, however…” Cadance took a seat at the table. “I’m gonna have a snack.”
She cleared her throat, smiling proudly as she waved a hoof over her plate. “As everypony can see, what I’ve having tonight is a hayburger. Made from the finest crystal hay in our best fields, we’ve also imported some lettuce and tomatoes straight from Equestria. The ketchup is the secret recipe of none other than Heinz himself, while the mustard is a special Prench topping. I’m actually not sure where the buns come from, but I don’t really care.” She levitated the burger to her face, looking as serious as one could be while staring down a burger. “And now, ladies and gentlecolts, without further ado…”
No matter what one believes about the princesses and their ability to rule, virtually everypony in Equestria agrees that they are all the epitome of grace and poise, paragons of virtue and dignity. They are proud, majestic, and above all respectable being! Nopony can pretend otherwise.
Except for those who’ve seen them eat, of course.
Cadance wolfed down the burger at a speed that most would consider frightening. It didn’t help the matter that when she finished, ketchup was splattered across her lips like blood. Her wide smile certainly didn’t do anything to dissuade the idea either.
She threw her hooves into the air, leaning back such a dangerous degree that it was almost like a taunt to Murphneigh to carry out his universal law. “Woo! Ten outta te- Woah!”
Thump!
Murphneigh is not to be trifled with, Cadance learned as she picked herself up from off the ground.
“Okay,” she muttered as she set her chair back into a sitting position. “That certainly wasn't princess-like.”
As she took a seat, Cadance’s eyes fell on the teacup. It didn't look too different from any other teacup, yet some part of Cadance felt like she was being watched. Analyzed. Critiqued. As if the teacup was offering its two bits on the spectacular display she'd just given.
She knew it was just her imagination. She knew it was stupid to even consider, but hey. Nobody could see, why shouldn't she indulge herself?
“I'm sorry,” she said to the teacup with a sardonic smirk. “I don't believe I asked for your opinion.”
The teacup stared back at her defiantly. Or at least in Cadance’s mind it did. To anypony else it looked like a normal old teacup.
Cadance rolled her eyes in mock annoyance. “Listen, you're not exactly one to judge, okay? At least I have a flank to fall on.”
The cup sat there, stunned into silence by Cadance’s words. A single droplet of tea fell from the rim, like a teardrop that was sweetened with lumps of sugar.
Her eyes opened wide. “How dare you call me that? Just because I used to be a pegasus does not give you the right to use that kind of language with me!”
The cup didn't flinch at the sound of Cadance’s words. It spoke volumes about the cup’s character that it could stay cool under fire, and by royalty no less. Truly, it was a model for dishes everywhere.
Cadance’s eyes narrowed. “Now that's just uncalled for. Keep acting like that and I'll have to take drastic measures.” She gave the cup a few moments to speak its piece. “Don't think I will, huh? Then look over here.” Cadance levitated the cup into the air, giving it a clear view of the cup that Flurry broke. She made a mental note to clean it up later.
Cadance grinned in such a way that only a mare mad with power could. She set the cup down. “So, have I frightened you into submission yet?”
They say that in times like this, you really find out what a person’s made of. Harsh times can bring out the best and worst in ponies, and in dishes that's no different. For several seconds, the cup sat in silent contemplation. For a moment, Cadance thought she won.
For a moment.
Cadance’s eyes darted to the nearly plate, a look of heartbreak and betrayal masking her features. “Et tu, plate? I thought we were friends? I thought...I thought we had something special.”
The plate stared back at her, no regret in its pristine features. It was at peace with its life, and with the consequences of its actions. As long as it was with the cup, it was happy.
Cadance snarled. “Fine, if you traitors care for each other so much, then you'll die together!” She grabbed both the plate and the cup with her magic. They sat at her mercy, helpless and afraid before they were flung against a wall. The two shattered on impact, with the remaining tea splashing against the ground.
Her bravado died almost instantly. “Oh...Wow, I uh...May have gotten a bit too into that…”
Before she could move, the doors burst open. Shining Armor, clad from horn to hoof in his personal armor, leapt into the room with his horn blazing. “Cadance, are you okay? I thought I heard trouble!”
Cadance glanced at the shattered dishes and Shining followed her gaze. “Um...It’s a long story. How about you tell me what happened at work? Any reason training took so long?” She smiled as wide as she could. Maybe if I pretend it never happened, he won’t bring it up again.
Shining’s eyes were still on the crystalline remains. Cadance could see the gears turning in his mind, likely trying to decide whether or not he actually wanted to know whatever happened here. Thankfully for Cadance, he apparently deemed he didn’t and turned back to her.
He took a seat next to Cadance, giving her a sheepish look. “Sorry, there was a bit of an issue at training. Turns out Flash is not to be trusted with anything larger with a spear and Iridescence still holds a grudge.” He shrugged. “I’m a bit more interested in what you did while you were waiting, sweetie.” He glanced at the ruined dishes once more. “Did our fine china upset you or something?”
Cadance slumped back in her seat, her cheeks burning with embarrassment. “You could say that...” she mumbled.
Shining chuckled. “Well maybe you can tell me all about it later. First, how about we get something to eat? I’m starving.”
Cadance agreed wholeheartedly.
