'Fluttershy takes it up the butt'

by The Frank

Rating: mature
Tags: Main 7 (EqG), Slice of Life, Comedy, Equestria Girls, Sex, Sunset Shimmer
Length: 4913

Sunset finds something scribbled on a toilet wall that she shares with her friends. Because it can't be true... can it?

Sunset finds something scribbled on a toilet wall and it's just so ridiculous that she has to laugh. Slightly embarrased, she tells her friends about it. She thinks they will just laugh too, because it just can't be true!

...Can it?

Rated M and added sex tag for raunchy comedy. All characters are over 18.
Coverpic by sumin6301

Slightly rewritten on the 1st of December 2018. A thing I didn't really like is now changed.

Now in an awesome reading by the captain Sand. Check it out! Also, this is the original version, if you want to compare.

Published 2017-03-29 21:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-12-02 19:49:16 UTC

Flutter like that.

The school day had snailed it's way up to lunch break, and Sunset Shimmer sat down with her friends at their usual table. It was wednesday, salad wednesday. Food was bland, weather slightly cloudy, and it was still two months left until summer break. It had been a most ordinary and rather boring day and yet Sunset wore a big, hearty smile on her face, to her friends surprise.

“So, Sunset, why the smile?” Rainbow, never the one to hesitate was the first to comment. “It looks like you’ve just heard a really funny joke.”

“Oh!” Sunset hesitated, “Well… uhm… I just saw an odd thing. That’s all, nothing special about that.”

“Well, sugarcube, judging from that smile, if it's that odd ah sure want to hear about it,” Applejack remarked, taking a sip from her glass of water. “It must have been something special.”

“No no, it’s really nothing. It’s just something silly, nothing to talk about really." But if Sunset hoped for her friends to leave the topic, she found her hopes crushed, as Pinkie spoke up.

“Silly? I love silly! Next to cupcakes and squeezing zits, silly is the best!” Pinkie took a bite of her salad, and smiled her patented Pinkie smile.

Rainbow looked at Pinkie, “You don’t have any zits.”

“Nope! My face is soft as a baby’s bottom!”

“So, how would you know about squeezing zits?”

“Oh. Cheese have them all over him. It’s our agreement. He can touch my boobs, I can squeeze his zits.”

Rainbow swallowed, “Ooookay… SO, Sunset! What was so funny?”

Sunset cheeks reddened, and she lowered her eyes. “Well, uhm…” She realised she had to say it but... it was hard.

“What?”

“It’s just… It's so embarrassing.”

“Why darling, you know you can tell us anything. If it’s too bad, you can just whisper it. I assure you we won't spread the word. Whatever it is you did, we will be silent.” Rarity leaned forward, presenting her willing ear to Sunset.

“Besides,” Rainbow added, “It can’t be more gross than Pinkie’s zits.”

Sunset got even redder. “Ehm...”

Rainbow’s eyes got wider. “Seriously? Okay, then I GOT to hear this. What is is? Did you forgot your panties after gym or something?”

Sunset shook her head. "It’s not about me… Or, well, partly, but… I’m not really sure I should talk about it. Sorry girls, I just saw it before lunch, and I... I couldn't help smiling when I saw it.”

Rarity raised a curious eyebrow. “But darling, what’s the problem? I mean, it can’t be that bad?” Then a thought struck her, “unless it is about… us.”

Five pair of eyes turned to Sunset, who still looked away.

“It is about us, isn’t it Darling?” Rarity put a hand on Sunset’s shoulder. Sunset nodded.

“Well, what is it then?”

“It’s just… stupid gossip. Someone, I don’t know who, is scribbling on the walls of the girls bathroom. It’s done with the same green pen, and it’s a new thing almost every week. I noticed the first two months ago. It’s just stupid things, but it’s… I just think it’s funny because it’s so far-fetched.”

“Well, what does it say then? Spill it, girl!” Rainbow threw her arms in the air in frustration.

Sunset frowned, and spoke reluctantly, “It just says things like… ‘Pinkie has a vibrator in school’, ‘If you want a good time, call Rarity on 5755-321743’, ‘Rainbow Dash is a sub’ and ‘Fluttershy takes it up the butt’. I mean… It's funny if one knows that you’d never…” Sunset noticed how the eyes of her friends, with the exception of Pinkie who smiled even wider, looked in every direction except on her. “Guys?”

Fluttershy blushed, but she still was the first to speak, “Well...uhm… I actually do that. Like anal sex, I mean. I like anal sex.”

“What?”

“Yes… I tried it some month ago and... I actually… have a hard time nowadays to reach orgasm without a dick up my butt.”

Sunset stared at her. “But… you don’t have a boyfriend.”

Fluttershy lowered her eyebrows. “Are you saying you need a boyfriend to enjoy sex, Sunset?”

Sunset waived her hands reassuringly. “No, no! Of course not, I if anyone know that. But… Well, anal sex just feels like something you don’t do on the first date.”

Fluttershy relaxed. “Oh. No, I agree. I usually wait ‘til the third.”

“But, how…”

“Friends with benefits. Lots of them. But I won't mention any names, I hope you understand.”

Sunset blinked. “Oh, eh… Of course I understand. But… so...yes... Rarity?”

Rarity’s red cheeks stood out a great deal from her white skin. But she tried to keep a steady voice. “Well, darling… No good reason to deny it, I guess. But it’s nothing big, really. They call, I come over, everyone is happy.”

Sunset stared with her mouth open. “But… but… Why?”

“Sewing needles are expensive. And it’s nice to feel appreciated. My phone rings more or less every day.”

“Ooo...kay… but... you realise it is illegal in Canterlot, right?"

Rarity looked at her. "Illegal? What do you mean? Sure, not everyone likes to be public about it, but it's not against any laws!"

Sunset gaped. Then she said slowly, "Rarity... I can't believe you can be so casual about selling your body to men..."

Now it was Raritys turn to gape at Sunset, she rose from her seat and exclaimed, "Wu... wha... Sunset! I am not a prostitute! I sell sex toys!"

"SE... sex toys? But... but... 'they call, you come over?" Now Rarity looked away, seemingly a bit ashamed for her outburst.

"Ehrm... now that you say it dear, perhaps I choose a somewhat ambiguous expression. But I assure you it's nothing fishy. I do personal delivery and I help with... eh... colors and fittings."

Unsure how to proceed with this information, the table was silent until Pinkie stood up and started to wave her hand. “Oh, me! Me! Me next! Pick me!”

Sunset sighed. “Ok… So, Pinkie? The vibrator?”

Pinkie grinned. “Yeppers peppers! I have it in me right now!”

“In… you? You mean…?”

“Yep! Right up my little girly cave!”

Now it was Rainbow who spoke. “Little… girly cave?”

“Yep, that’s what mum calls it! Usually I just keep it in there, but if the lessons are boring, I turn it on. I came three times on mr Cranky’s lesson yesterday!”

Sunset facepalmed. “Pinkie…”

“What? It was really boring!”

“Okay, Okay… Moving on. Rainbow?” But Rainbow Dash was silent. And then, a large, muscular man moved up behind her.

“Hullo Girls, AJ.”

“Hi, Big Mac.”

To everyone's surprise, he leaned over and placed a hand on Rainbows leg. “How’s Mah little pet doin’?” Rainbow muttered something. “Ah didn't hear ya…”

A slightly louder, “I’m good, master,” came over her lips. Big Mac smiled a slightly wicked smile.

“Good. Wouldn't wanna be havin' to punish ya for misbehavin’. That would be bad, wouldn't it, pet?” Rainbow bit her lip. “Mhm.” He removed his hand, and turned to walk away. “See ya saturday then, pet. After school, AJ. See y’all later, girls.”

The silence was thicker than oil now. AJ had her eyes nailed to Rainbow. “So… when were ya goin’ to tell me about yer screwing mah brother?”

“And more important, what do you see in him?” Rarity added.

Rainbow smiled slightly. “Well… you know. A farmboy can use a shovel in a way that a girl loves.”

Even Applejack was stunned after that. After more than ten minutes of silence, Sunset spoke. “Well.. That sure was something. I was wondering who’s behind all this, but it doesn't feel that important right now. So… Thanks everybody for sharing? I’m not sure if I should be grateful or call TMI, but… thank you for being honest.”

“Oh, and also girls, since the cat is out, just give me a call and I'll send my catalogue over." She paused. "Oh, but Sunset, dear! We all have been... except one, darling.” Rarity had regained some of her composure, and looked at Sunset.

“What?”

“You. There has to be something about you. And Applejack!”

"Nah. We already know she's butch," Rainbow butted in, and Applejack glared at her. But Sunset looked away and was silent long enough for Pinkie to finish her salad and everyone's pudding. (Avocado.) "...Yeah. But it’s the only thing that isn’t true. And that was the first thing I read, and because it wasn't true, I thought your’s… well.” Then she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Darling, we’ve all had some rather… personal things spilled out. So just say it. Honestly, you should be glad it’s not true.”

Sunset gave a small smile. “Yeah, perhaps. Well, it said ‘Sunset is a screamer’. And...‘Applejack eats Sunset’s pussy in the showers’. And that has not happend!"

All the eyes around the table turned to Applejack, who had pulled her hat over her eyes, and sat in silence, apparently deep in thought. Then she rose, and took Sunset’s hand, and dragged her from the table. Sunset protested, “What are you doing, AJ?”

“Ah need to think of mah reputation. Honesty, y’all know. And ah’m gonna make an honest woman out of you.” Sunset stopped.

"Oh. Well um... Ok, I guess but... I’m not a screamer!”

Applejack pulled her closer and whispered. “Yer will be.”

And then they were gone.

***

In the girls bathroom, the janitor mr Discord was busy cleaning the floors. Suddenly he looked around, checking that he was alone. Then he produced a green pen from his pocket, and wrote “CRANKY DOODLE HAS A PRINCE ALBERT” on the wall.
“Oh, Matilda will be sooo grateful for this,” he chuckled to himself.

Author's Note

Just a doodle, nothing serious. Somewhat inspired by Mytrilmoth's Just girls talking dirty, but mostly just something that was done in under three hours.

I still regret nothing, though. Ok, one thing. But it's done now.

Bonus: The labours of Sci-Twi.

Two weeks after the revealing wednesday came a very much same-ish Sunday.
Sunday was rehearsal day for the Rainbooms, with their new rehearsing room being Rainbows spacey basement. Applejack and Sunset arrived at the Rainbow recidence together hand in hand. Before they rang the bell, Applejack gave Sunset a quick peck on her cheek, and with a mischievous smirk, she gave her a slight bite on her neck. Sunset gasped, giggled a bit and said “Can’t wait until tonight, can we?”

“Oh, ah can wait. Ah just wanna make sure YA can’t.” And then she placed her hand on Sunset's inner thigh and slowly moved it upwards. Sunset gasped again and quickly removed the hand. “A-Applejack!”

“What? Is mah little unicorn afraid of some good ol’ cowgirl lovin’? Tonight, ah'll make yer neigh..."

Exactly the moment of Sunset blushing like a traffic light, the door opened and a tall, slightly overweight rainbow haired man opened. “What? You girls already stopped kissing? Dang it, here I thought I’d get a free show!”

Sunset was a bit stiff but regained her usual smirk soon enough. “Ha ha. In your dreams, Mr Hothoof.”

Bow Hothoof laughed and replied, “I will call you tomorrow morning and tell you then. Come on in girls. Precious is already downstairs preparing. I’m off to pick up her mom from work, but I gave her some pizza money if it takes too long. Don’t do anything I wouldn't do.” He closed the door and left. Sunset and Applejack rolled their eyes and made a few comments about older men in general and their rock bottom sense of humour, and Rainbow Dash’s dad who had started to dig. They went down into the basement where they found Rainbow sitting with an acoustic strumming some chords. However, she was looking slightly odd compared to her usual attire. She wore a mid-calf long light ivory dress with a light pleaded skirt a la Marelyn Moeroe, complete with white high heels and earrings. Even her hair looked different, as a wide bandeau kept it behind her ears.

“Wow Rainbow! That’s something else… But it actually suits you perfectly! Why the change? Has Rarity been on the warpath?” Sunset walked over to Rainbow and touched the fabric. It was the real deal. “Wow! This had to be expensive!”

Rainbow blushed, but looked surprisingly comfortable. “No, it’s… master. He wanted me to... look pretty..”

Applejack smiled. “Yep, that Big Mac alright. ‘The six-year scratch’ is one of his favourites.”

That moment Pinkie stormed down the stairs. “Hi girls! Wow Rainbow! Nice dress! You look just like that girl with the ukulele!” And with that said, she sat down behind the drums and began her warm-up ritual, which was hitting every part of the drumkit thirteen times each in random order. During that time it was impossible to speak anyway, so Applejack and Sunset took up their respective instruments and began to tune them. The irregular, but steady, drumming drowned everything else so much that they didn’t even hear Rarity and Twilight “Sci-twi” come down the stairs until they stood next to their instruments and microphones, respectively.

“Oh, hi girls! We didn't hear you, “ Sunset said when she looked up. “Now we’re only waiting for Fluttershy."

Rarity smiled mischievously. “Oh, she’s right behind us. She just has to… take it slow today. But Rainbow, darling! You look wonderful! If I had know you liked those kinds of dresses I would have booked you a time. Or perhaps I should arrange a session with your ...master instead” Rainbow looked like she was going to burst, and had her mouth open with a reply. But then they all heard irregular steps down the stairs and turned to look. And there was Fluttershy, walking very awkward and careful. “Hi girls!” She greeted in a slightly strained voice.

“What’s the matter, sugarcube? Ya look like ya tripped.”

“Oh, it’s… nothing…. OW!” Fluttershy had tried to sit down but flew up the moment her tush touched the seat.

“That sure don’t look like nuthin’ to me!”

Fluttershy blushed. “Oh, uhm… it’s my own fault really. I had… some friends over yesterday and decided to try to go double. One in the butt and one in the coochie. And perhaps it was a bad idea to bring the two most… well-endowed on for that.”

All the others bit their lips. “Ouch,” said Sunset. "Guess that was a one time then.”

Fluttershy made big eyes. “Are you kidding? I came four times! I just have to keep Sandalwood on the top all the time.” When she realized she actually given a name she put her hands over her mouth and blushed. Rarity patted her shoulder. “Don’t you worry, darling. We are no snitches. And it’s nice to hear you are truly expressing yourself.”

“No, she’s not, Silly! She’s getting her field plowed and her sewer plumbed! That’s getting fucked, not… mfff!” Pinkie found Rarity’s hand over her mouth. “It was an expression darling, there’s no need to be so blunt about it!” Rarity glared at the Pink girl. Rainbow however saw an opportunity to gain back some pride from the teasings on her frilly dress, and said, “Speaking of that… how’s business, Rarebear?”
Rarity frowned. “Humpf! Rainbow, even if I did indeed ‘spill some’ last time, I am very strict on discretion for cystomers, “ She paused, deep in thought. “But I think I can share with you the fact that for some reason Mrs Cranky called me some days ago and asked how to deal with a Prince Albert piercing. I told her to never use tongue piercings at the same time and no rough hand movements, otherwise she would be fine.”

“Oh, ask me! Ask me!” Pinkie jumped in her seat. Rainbow looked at her with hesitation. “Ok… not sure I want to know, but… ok, Pinkie?”

“I started to use a buttplug! Fluttershy inspired me! And Rarity sold it to me!"

Fluttershy blushed but still wore a small proud smile, and Rarity muttered "so much for discretion". Not sure what to reply, Sunset only said, “Uh… Good for you, I guess? Any…complications?”

“Nope! It feels great! “She thought for a moment. “But the first days it felt like I had to go and do number two all the time. I almost flushed it down the toilet three times by mistake! But it felt really nice! And it’s cleaner now!”

Twilight had listened with bigger and bigger eyes all the time, and now she couldn't hold back. “What in the world are you talking about?”

Sunset and the others explained. Twilight frowned. “That’s just… well, congratulations, Sunset and AJ. You look great together. But still! Your story implicites that just because something is written in green ink on the wall of the ladies room at CHS…”

“The one on the second floor.”

“Whatever! It still is just superstition! Sure, things happened, but you would have probably found this out by your own anyway! There is no way that the writings are the reason! And I will prove it! Was anything written about me?”

Sunset thought for a while. “Not that I have seen, but I haven’t been there for some days.”

“Well, darling, I might be of service then. I wasn't going to mention it, since it’s rather rude, but… “

“Rude? Compared to what was written about us?” Rainbow crossed her arms and frowned. Rarity cleared her throat. “Well, um, darling… While you do have a point, the thing about Twilight… it was more, uhm... Ours were just statements, this is more of an insult.”

“Well, what does it say then?”

“Ehm… ‘Twilight Sparkle is totally a virgin and will stay that way forever and ever’.”

Everyone looked at Twilight, waiting for a reaction. She stared at a chair, thinking. Then she raised her head and ran out of the basement. “See you in a week! This requires research!” They heard the door close behind her. The other rainbooms shrugged their shoulders and began rehearsing.

***

One week later, and another rehearsal. Everyone was there, except Twilight. There had been very little heard of her during the week, and no one was sure if she was even going to turn up today.

But she did. But this was a different Twilight, and hadn’t it been for her standard nerdy glasses, it was almost like Midnight Sparkle had returned. She wore her usual skirt, but it was cut much shorter, and with every other step she flashed her black lacy thong panties through the fishnet stockings. She wore a black and purple corset with a leather jacket over. Her hair was loose, and on her feet she wore large high heel boots. She stepped into the centre of the room, raised her arms to the ceiling and shouted, “ I DID IT!”

Rarity spoke first. “What have you done?”

“Everything! I’ve been with men, women, and intergenders! I have had vanilla sex, threesomes, foursomes, and some where I lost count! I have been making sweet love on white sheets, had rough anal sessions in warehouses and given blowjobs to nasty smelling old men in backstreets! I’ve done almost every fetish in the book and then some. I am scientifically the biggest slut on Equus, and I did it all FOR SCIENCE! Virgin forever! Ha! Take that, green ink!”

The room was silent. No one had any idea how to respond to that. But after three minutes of silence with Twilight looking wildly across the room, Rarity once again spoke. “Twilight, darling… when are you born?”

“Does that matter?” Twilight spat back.

“Just answer me, please.”

“September the third, so?”

Rarity sighed. “Do you know what sign you have?”

“No, and why should I care? It’s completely unscientific!”

“Well, let me tell you then. It means you’re born in the maidens sign, which in latin is called ‘virgo’... which also means virgin. So… no matter what you do… you will always be a virgin.”

Twilight looked like a deflated balloon. "What?"

"The green text was referring to the meaning of the zodiac, and from that point of wiew, you will always be a virgin." She quickly added, "Oh, but look at it from the bright side! You have done a lot of things few people would... dare to do, and you gained some real life experience! Isn't that wonderful?"

Twilight sank down on her knees and wept. "Mum's going to kill me."*

***

Vice principal Luna's Office. The door opened, and an angry janitor stepped in.

"I saw Twilight Sparkle yesterday?"

"Yes?"

"I also saw the new thing written on the toilet wall a week ago."

"I'm sure you did."

"I did not write that. SOMEONE stole my pen."

"Oh, I know."

His anger cracked up into a huge smile. "It was hilarious! And she fell for it, hook, line and sinker! I loved it! But, next time you want to do this, just ask to borrow my pen, ok?"

Principal Celestia stepped out from the shadows of her sisters office and placed the pen in the Janitors hand.

"No promises."

THE END

*Twilight Velvet did not kill Twilight. She did the second worst thing; told her everything about her sexual experiences as a teenager. Twilight felt death would have been preferred.

Author's Note

I had conviniently left Sci-Twi outside the story and simply had it to take place just after Rainbow Rocks... and then OmniFox made a comment wondering where she was. And unfortunately... it gave me ideas. And this is the result. I am... no, still no regrets.

Liked it? Try some of my other stories. The coochie snorcher that could.
I want to be a vampire!
Or perhaps Chasing eternity.

Now that you're already here, you might as well stay for a while.

Epilogue: Celestia and Discord...

Author's Note

By chance I re-read this story and just had this idea. And well... now you know about mostly everything. Although I ended up regretting something... I regret nothing, again.
Thanks to Mustlovefrogs for input.

Epilogue: Celestia and Discord...

"YOU DIRTY, FILTHY OLD JERK!"

The door to the janitors office was kicked open by the shapely legs of a very, VERY angry principal. Celestia proceeded to step inside, slam her fists onto the desk and glared at the Janitor while she leaned forward. The door slammed shut behind her, creating a gush of wind that gave her hair an extra threathening flow.

Mr. Discord looked up from the crossword in The Trottingham Times. If he in anyway was affected by the entrance and angry demeanor from the intruder, he didn't show it. Instead, he neatly folded the newspaper and took of his glasses. That made Celestia even angrier, and she was tempted to try if she actually could punch through the table.

"I must say, Principal, that it seems like you are a tad bit upset! You need to calm down, you might burst a vein like that. A drink perhaps to calm you down!? Coffee? Tea? GinandTonic? Seaweed smoothie? Great detox! And I must say you look lovely today!"
It was merely weeks before summer break and the two sisters had for once skipped their usual pants and had went for light summer dresses. Celestia stood in front of Discord wearing an orange and yellow dress with bare shoulders, and she bitterly regretted that she had choosen to wear something oh-so-NOT-intimidating.

"Shut up, Discord. I am not in the mood. Now you listen. This business about the pen has gone to far. No, don't say anything. It was all fun and games at the start. And yes, I did choose to... borrow it a few times. But even a principal gets to let her hair loose from time to time. Now..."

"I must say that your hair looks pretty floating all the time, my dear principal."

"I said SHUT UP! It did a few good things too, it managed to give one or two people a push in the right direction. 'Sweetie and Silver XOXOXO', 'Pink clothes doesn't suit Glitter Shell', 'No more Stairway to heaven for Flash Sentry'... Those were good. But now..." Celestia leaned in closer and whispered, "You had to make it personal, didn't you, you asshole. You just had to take advantage of this. Bastard!" Celestia spit out the last word, and it almost landed right on mr. Discords nose. He furrowed his brow, but was still as calm as before.

"Advantage, you say? Why, are you accusing ME..."

"Who else would get the idea to write 'Discord and Celly swims in a pool full of Jelly?"

Discord stared at her for a moment. And then he started to laugh. Celestia frowned. "It is not funny!" She muttered through her teeth.

"Oh, but my dear Celestia, it is! We have been had! Because as marvellously chaotic it is, I had no hand in it. Someone else took the pen and used it against us."

"I don't believe you! It's perfectly your style!"

"Now now, my dear Celly, with that lame rhyme? Even if Jelly is fun, I wouldn't dream about putting you in that kind of position! I like you! Compared to a heck lot of your predecessors, you are sooo much more FUN!" Then he paused to think, "And besides, where would you find a pool of Jelly? For real?"

"In my backyard."

"...Come again?"

"It was written on the wall with this pencil. It had to happen, right? So I thought, 'better get it over with'. It took the whole day, but it's done."

Once again Discord laughed, this time so hard that tears began to flow. "Ce...celly...oh I can't breathe... I can't breathe... you... you really did..."

Celestia still leaned forward, but her face was now confused. "What? What 'i really did' ?""

Discord blew his nose. "Thing is, the pen... the pen does not force you to do anything. Sure, it's a magic green pen. But the magic comes when people read about themselves... And then they start to think. And when they start to think, really think, really re-evaluate their whole existence... that is where the lovely chaos begins!"

"You used it to pull of lame sexjokes!"

"I am a dirty old man, Celly. I have to have some fun! To see people break their shells, try something they haven't dared before... it's hilarious! But the thing is, no one is forced to do anything. Strong minded people can avoid it." He paused. "Tragically, that means we will never see Miss Harshwhinny arrive early on thursdays to use her pink rabbit before class. Also, I don't understand what Cherrilee has against dogging."

Celestia blinked, and took a step back. "Not... forced?"

"Not forced at all. So apparently you want us to swim in Jelly. Which is fine by me by the way, I would LOVE to cover my body in thick sugary mass as long as I get to use conditioner on my beard. What taste is it? Blueberry?"

Celestia stared at her hands. Then she said, "Discord, if you thought it would stop me being angry with you... You are VERY wrong! I'm not only angry, I am disappointed! Very disappointed!"

"Disappointed? ...Alright, you... How so?"

"Because everyone else got something sexy and hot! Cranky had a Prince Albert, miss Inkwell started wearing a thong in class, the lunchlady have learned to use Tinder, and I swear that when I last saw Cinch, she wore a dogcollar engraved with 'cumslut'! And all I got was some damn jelly!... Also, it's strawberry."

Discord looked at her with honest curiosity. "So... what do you want?

Celestia sighed. "Something. Anything! I just want to get laid! I want to find a decent guy who knows what he's doing and can keep it up! And not some... bluehaired kid with a scar who just stares at my tits and comes before he's out of his pants! I want to drag that guy home and just let him make me orgasm myself through the rest of the day and scream his name and other random profanities without a care about our neighbours!"

"Oh. Well... I have nothing special to do today..."

Celestia looked at Discord from top to bottom and up again. She still wasn't convinced that he wasn't behind it. Weirder plans had been concieved, especially by him. And yet...

"I can do 84 pusch-ups. And I have yet to try to actually do the deed in a pool of Jelly. I ALSO wear a rather tight pair of Ralph Lauren briefs today that my tailor swore is very flattering. Wanna see them?"

Celesta pinched her nose and muttered "you dirty old man", but nevertheless did she grab his arm and pulled him out of the office. "It's not like I'm wearing panties anyway. The safeword is 'pastry'"

As they left, three people emerged from the shadows. Vice principal Luna, Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle stood and looked after the pair as they walked down the corridor, turned a corner and left. They high-fived each other, and Twilight produced the green pen from her backpack, giving it over to the VP. Then they went their separate ways, Luna hiding the pen somewhere neither Discord nor Celestia could find it.

But one last thing was written on the wall before that.

"Vice Principal Luna has the hottest butt in the school."

And it didn't matter whether the pen had magic or not, because that statement was indeed true.