Butts

by VitalSpark

Rating: mature
Tags: Human, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 650

Winslow the two-headed dinosaur goes for a walk. He could never have imagined what would happen to him.

Winslow the two-headed dinosaur goes for a walk. He could never have imagined what would happen to him.

A collaboration between Sleepy Panda and VitalSpark as a gift to all humanity.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-30 11:31:44 UTC

The Only Chapter

Once there was a two-headed dinosaur named Winslow. He never wanted any heads but life dealt him a bad deal, so he simply made do. Today, one of his heads was having a migraine. Shrieking, Winslow ran outside and grabbed his axe deodorant. He unceremoniously sprayed a large woman right in her spleen. “I’m AMAZING, honeybun!” he whispered seductively into her nostrils.

“You stink! Worse than my spleen’s boyfriend’s ex-boss’s grandmother’s butt warts!” she screeched melodically, tearing off chunks of boob from her portrait of Princess Obama IV. Naturally, Winslow was terrified and aroused simultaneously. He moaned Japanese poetry which instantly transmogrified his second head into an electrical fireplace.

The arousal intensified with every ember and flicker. Soon he climaxed, screaming obscenities at Obama’s sexy boob chunks that splattered everywhere, plastering the large woman from above her head to below her rollerblades.

“OooOooOOooH,” she gasped, eyes rolling up and mouth foaming with Cheese-Whiz.

Winslow seized her tonsils, yanking them quickly and explaining thoroughly the laws governing tonsillitis in Venezuela.

“Thanks! I never would’ve had surgery because reasons,” she boomed, wincing and clutching her throat. Tears rolled down her chubby cheeks, splashing onto the rollerblades and drowning insects swarming around her ankles.

Winslow firmly grasped her ankles, licking dead maggots with enthusiasm. His arousal caused him to shudder with pleasure, releasing pent-up frustration with every hungry lick of maggot.

“Mmmm…” Fluttershy swaggered out from behind her shed, smirking and massaging between her thighs. “I feel curiously aroused,” she remarked into a megaphone. The crowd applauded half-heartedly and Fluttershy cried.

Winslow realized Fluttershy was secretly laughing at him. He furiously bit her flank, obscenely salivating buckets of preserved fish eggs and scented candles. Unfortunately the pungent aroma of Winslow’s saliva caused the large woman to vomit rainbows, so Winslow was forced to protect himself using his magical umbrella spell.

“You swine! How dare you vomit on my fabulous garden snakes?!” Winslow gasped, cleaning his snakes vigorously with vinegar. Somehow his acidic cleaning solution caused the snakes to catch fire, and the large woman let go of her dignity and seized Winslow’s balls.

“Arrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh!” Winslow groaned, doubling his arousal. Vinegar had splattered everywhere and it smelled sickly yellow, like a buttered lemon.

“You inglorious, uncivilized dinosaur!” the pegasus scolded. “Make nice with that big-boned bipedal sex machine!”

“I am a virgin!” she yelled. “And that’s why I wear chastity socks all over town, Miss Fluttershy.”

“Sorry, but you are slutty-looking and I declare that no man ever would ignore such a smexy booty as delicious yours!”

The dinosaur nodded, solemnly indicating that he completely agreed with Fluttershy. Growling, he thumped his chest and proceeded to groom the curly hair on the middle of his belly button. The hair glowed with the magic of friendship. Fluttershy gasped because she thought Twilight Sparkle had become Jesus, but actually Jesus was becoming the alicorn OC with zebra stripes adorning his buttocks and left testicle.

“Oh my God!!!” squealed the large woman. “What the bloody fucking hell is happening in this place?!”

Winslow covered her eyes with sardines, grilling fresh toast on his portable fireplace head. “This is going horribly wrong. I just wanted to purchase analgesics for my migraine.”

“You don’t deserve anal-whatevers, bitch,” Fluttershy engraved in his snakes with passionate knifework. It caused massive bleeding and the poor snakes perished, making the dinosaur break Fluttershy’s neck.

The large woman screamed with Jesus. “Stop committing sins! You sinners!” the saviour Christ commanded.

“I like burning toast. So why should I fear hell?” the dinosaur demanded.

Jesus convulsed in arousal. He’d never met rebellious reptilian dominatrixes like this dinosaur babe before. Something about this prehistoric succubus seduced so many slovenly sloths.

“I-I don’t… I just can’t do this right now,” said our Lord and Saviour Jesus H Christ Amen. And rays of sunlight shined from the holy anus until nothing remained of him.