Johnny Bravo meets the Cutie Mark Crusaders
Today is a beautiful day, just like any in Ponyville and always will be- unless its hurricane season. No clouds above to block Celestia's sun from view and ponies go along the roads and paths to their destinations in the early morning. Days like these are all Applebloom ever really saw when not playing around with her friends Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. Not only that but she had chores to do, time consuming and repeatitive chores at that.
A typical day. And a typical day was too boring for Applebloom to do any crusading, not without her cohorts to think up another of their amazing ideas. So she decided to do just that, well after she finished repainting the barn... again.
It was getting close to noon now, but at least her chores are done.
"Applejack! Ah'm goin' crusading!", and with her brief message to her busy and hard working sister, Applebloom rushed of to adventure. Packing some leftover breakfast of course, active fillies like her got to eat after all. As she ceased her galloping as her desination was in view, the perfect secret clubhouse that nopony definitly suspected was a clubhouse, she saw Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle impaitiently waiting for their late friend.
"Sorry Ah'm late gals, got caught in chores is all", thankfully Applebloom wasn't breathless due to her fit lifestlye otherwise her crusading would have to wait more for her to rest, and they don't like postponing crusading.
"Don't worry Applebloom, its only a few minutes", Sweetie Belle assured her friend with her adorably squeaky voice,"plus we still haven't decided what to do yet and with you here we can finally get started".
"Yeah, well now that you're here we can finally start! So what we gonna do today? Tree growers? Javelin launching? Speed eaters?", the ecstatic nature of Scootaloo shone through and bombarded her friends in rapid succession. They were all used to this so it didn't bother them.
"Well... the first one Ah'm not too sure of, will takes yoo long ah suppose. Hmm, done that one already and got covered in tree sap again", recalling all of her memories was easy, someone in the group had to keep tracks of what worked and what didn't.
"Oh please don't remind me. Rarity was mad at me for getting my mane dirdty, especially just after getting it pampered! Can we do something that won't result in tree sap?", Sweetie Belle whined.
"How about the Everfree! There are always things to do in there and we have never really gotten hurt have we? So if we are as careful as we are always then by logic we are always safe!", Scootaloo's brilliant logic insipired and astounded many ponies, even Twilight would be amazed... probably, she was mostly sure though.
"Of course! Brilliant thinking Scoots, lets head off before it get too dark though, sis might worry for me and call a search party", With the totally assuring thought of not travelling at night, the trio raised their hooves together and shouted with glee, "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS EVERFREE CUTIE FINDING!!!".
As so the crusaders started another mission that will probably get them thier cutie marks, at least in their heads, and sprinted off into the darkening and malicious Everfree forest.
Deeper into the forest, where no combs or mirrors resided, a brave and handsome man by the name of Johnny Bravo suddenly poofed into existence... face first into the yucky ground.
"That's the last time I trust one of Carl's machines to make my smartness go up", the muffled voice of that man was almost cool enough to levitate him off the ground, but when is he ever lucky?
What did get him off the ground though was his fluent and swift moves, to not damage his luscious blonde Elvis hair. As he finally gets over it- 10 seconds with quality mirror time- he gets to grip with his surroundings.
"Woah mama! Uhhhhh... Carl? Did you smarten me up? Is this what you nerds see everyday? Forest, weird plants, mud and even more mud... wow I don't wanna be smart anymore", observing the alien-like surroundings depressed Johnny, to live in such a world where reality is so disgusting that can easily ruin his looks just like it almost did. He's too amazing for that though.
This made him frown, but then smiled as he just came up with a brilliant idea.
"Now what did Momma say when I was younger? Oh yeah! If I don't see you, you don't see me! This means that the glasses on a nerd are like super binoculars but as I only have my cool shades that means I'm invisible!", Johnny thanked Momma for such sound and useful advice as he finally uderstood the species of the nerd... not really of course.
"Now lets explore my new kingdom, and hopefully it can give me wonderful frosted sugar bits!"
He didn't have to much luck in that endeavour.
"Gals, how much longer? We've been going for days!", it has only been around five hours but Applebloom has already lost her patience, " Ah mean its night already! We either go back or try find our cutie marks quickly!"
"Maybe the forest isn't so full of ideas as I thought," Scootaloo replies trying to gain the favour of the option to go home.
"Well geez, what did ya expect Scoots, a bouquet of cutie marks?", Applebloom's loud snarky comment was met with a sheepish smile.
"Girls! Be quieter! You might attract attention from the animals!", Sweetie Belle shrieked frantically.
"Okay Sweetie, but this forest just gets to me ya know? Been feelin' angsty for a while too...", Applebloom lowered her voice at this realising that it was not smart to draw attention.
The Everfree was dark now and looming over the fillies, daring them to spring traps of Poison Joke, Manticores and Cockatrices. It was unnerving and made them rethink their fruitless mission.
"At least there are no Timberwolves", Scootaloo remarks to try to bring up their morale and hopes, not realising Murphy was listening.
RROOOOAAARRRR!!!!
"Ya had to say it didn't you? RUN!", Applebloom's explamation was enough to make the fillies high tail it out of there.
"SOMEPONY HELP US!!!"
Just less than a mile away was Johnny calmly strolling through the Everfree...at night...admiring himself in his trusty mirror and not paying attention to where he is even going.
"Man, I'm pretty", just adding the finishing touches of gel to his hair to get it in its normally pristene condition, Johnny contiuned with confident steps. So confident in fact that the animals in the forest were surprised enough to just watch as he passes by, all lost in a trance of surprise and jealousy.
"SOMEPONY HELP US!!!"
"Huh? Who called me?", seemingly confused by the sudden shout, "Could be a beautiful chick! Ima coming baby!"
"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
The three fillies ran as fast as their little hooves can carry them but was just not enough to get away from the determined predators. It seemed hopeless as the Timberwolves were only a few hooves behind Sweetie Belle who was the slowest of the group, time seemed to almost slow down as when they turned a corner, the forest converged in front of them which effectively blocked their route of escape. Would this be the end for them? ~~Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z!~~
Of course not, Johnny Bravo just happened to be nearby, sprinting at full speed through the shubbery, nearing the crusaders ( or chicks in his mind).
The fillies stopped, having no where to run now and out of breath, turned around with frightful gazes at their doom. So did the Timberwolves stopped, almost relishing in the young ones fear and what they thought was acceptance of their demise.
"JOHNNY BRAVO IS HERE LADIES!", just entering the edge of the clearing did the handsome man appear from with his arms displayed outwards in an appealing pose. Looking around he noticed some strange things, mini-horses and not-so-mini strange dogs. Thinking that his new nerd-vision has passed its expiry date, he just imagined some bullies and three young human children and immediatly charged right at the bullies, not even thinking that he has always been beaten by weaker foes.
"Hoo ha hooah! Take the kudo chop you nasty bullies!", his lightning fast blows were so fast that the Timberwolves didn't even realise that they were being attacked. Once they did however, and not liking the fact that they were taken unaware started to growl menacingly at Johnny and crouched ready to pounce. When Johnny realised he wasn't doing much and only made the bullies seem insane, he backed off and came to an astounding conclusion.
"This won't end well", just after he finished speaking the Timberwolves jumped on him and fought against their prey in a massive cloud of dust, conveniently obscuring any actual damaging blows aside from the occasionaly claw or fist peaking out of the cloud.
Eventually the Timberwolves got so bored of such a weak prey they didn't think Johnny or the fillies were worth it, and just stopped their fighting and walked away to find more challenging and less pathetic prey. They stopped fighting out of pity, ouch. Luckily no one noticed why the Timberwolves just left and thought Johnny won out of pure strengh.
"This is gettin' old really fast", as Johnny got his senses together he noticed he wasn't alone and hurriedly cleaned himself up, almost as if the fighting never really happened. The crusader were gobsmacked and in awe of their hero for winning the impossible fight and coming out of it mostly unscathed.
Sweetie Belle was the first to respond to their unique situation,"Wow! You were amazing mister! Thank you so much for saving us by the way, we really appreciate it."
"Yeah, not to sound rude of anything, but why are you out here mister and whats your name?", curious little Applebloom asked their saviour.
"I am Johnny Bravo, the one-man army!", proudly he stood in a heroic pose, happy to have helped the children and maybe get a good word in for their pretty sisters, not thinking that maybe they really are mini-horses and so are their sisters.
"Ummm, whats a man?", Scootaloo tilted her head at this, looking like a typical adorable child, unless your called Suzy.
"Serious?"
"Yep serious"
"..."
"..."
"Why are Scootaloo and Johnny silent?", Sweetie asked confused at the situation.
"Ah dunno", there was nothing to really make sense of for some reason.
After some precious thinking time Johnny came up with a answer,"Uhhh well me, you know a human just like you?".
"I'm not a 'hugh mun' mister Johnny, but I know I am a Scootaloo the pony, the one and only!"
"Ah'm Applebloom"
"I'm Sweetie Belle.And I really like your mane..."
"AND WE ARE THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS YAY!!!"
"Ahhhhh! Don't shout like that, my ears are gonna bleed! And what do you mean your not a human?", Johnny tried to stop the ringing from the agonizing shout of the well known ear-ruining combined voices of three fillies.
"Well we are ponies, you know...a type of Equus Caballus?", Sweetie was happy to use a word that nopony/human would probably know.
"Pony, Human... Well, they both start with the letter 'N' so there should not be much difference right?", this was too much thinking, not enough fixing hairstyle that even the crusaders can sense will be common.
The group continued to argue about species and Johnny's nerd vision, but as no one was going anywhere with the topic they decided to go home, well the crusaders at least as it was dark and would most likely get grounded when they return. Johnny decided to tag along as if there was civilization, that meant hair products, and he was running dangerously low.
"So uhhh, how long 'til we get there?", long treks in forests were not in his best intrests,"I mean this is not good for my hair! Do you know how much effort I need to make it look this good? Not much as its naturally like this but still."
Sweetie Belle checks her internal clock,"I'm not sure, maybe a couple of hours at best by my gueses."
They stayed silent for the rest of the journey, the days danger was enough for all of them and didn't bother to do anything but to just walk farward with a weary thousand yard stare plastered on their faces.
Eventually, Luna's moonlight pierced the canopy of the Everfree as it finally thinned out. This lifted all their spirits and sprinted onwards, even Johnny which truly didn't know what to do, in a zombie-ish state and just followed Sweetie Belle as she seemed the more nerdier of the three and could help get rid of his nerd vision. The three crusaders split up without a word, and Johnny followed Sweetie.
"Hey, umm, Sweetie was it? Can stay over your place for the night? I will leave tomorrow so don't worry", walking and talking was getting more difficult for Johnny and he badly needed rest.
Sweetie was in the same position as him and just nodded, whether he saw that or now didn't really matter as they were going to sleep one way or another. Eventually they were in Ponville proper.
Rarity's boutique came into view and the duo beamed with smiles and dashed inside and up the stairs, completely ignoring the sleeping Rarity on a sewing machine with fabrics of all colours littered around the place. Johnny jumped onto the red velvet couch that seemed to come out of a drama movie and Sweetie plonked onto her grandiose bed. Sleep claimed them all instantly including Applebloom and Scootaloo from half the town away at the same time.
In the early morning when the sun hasn't risen yet, sparks emitted from just a meter away and the abnormal happened. Johnny didn't notice or even stir when the swirling vortex of green that appeared noisily. When it finally stabled out a figure of a woman's head peaked out of the vortex.
"Oh my Johnny! I'm so happy your safe! Oh your asleep... well come on my baby, let me take you home", Momma's distraught voice sounded out,and sneered at someone behind the vortex, " And you better not get Johnny mixed into one of your stupid experiments again Carl!"
"Y-y-ee-ss ma'm!", Carl was terrified of Momma but would probably forget her words in a day so he payed no attention to it.
As Momma lifted Johnny's sleeping form with his thumb in his mouth, she transported him though the vortex and back home.
True to his word, when Sweetie woke up Johnny was gone. And true to her word, Johnny's nerd vision was gone the next morning too.
THE END.
Author's Note
This is my first story so please tell me how well I've done. If there was some mistake or it sounded stupid at times then please tell me. Thank you!
