Tea is better when it's served cold
The girls were having a relaxing tea break on top of Twilight’s palace. They were trying out ice tea and liked it quite a lot.
“It’s okay.” Rainbow said sipping her tea, not very much pleased at the frozen beverage that’s usually served hot. “I sure wish we could have normal tea.”
“Yeah.” Applejack said, licking her ice cube of tea in the cup. “I’m not sure it’s meant to be this delicious.”
“So you really do like it?” Twilight asked them and they all nodded candidly. “Great! I also made salsa dip for bananas to go with it.”
“Bananas?” Applejack said in hatred. “The arch enemy of the apple. Here, give me some.”
Twilight levitated the dish with the cut up bananas and salsa over to Applejack and the farm pony flung some banana into her mouth.
“Tastes like heaven... I hate it.”
“Then why did you eat it all dear?” Rarity asked, looking as Applejack had finished the bowl, disgusted in herself.
“Because, you don’t start a war... unless you plan on winning it. Now.” Applejack said, pulling out a bowl of cut up apples. “Does anyone want to taste delicious Apple family grown apples?”
“Ooo!” Starlight Glimmer said delighted as she sat on the cushioned chair in the distance. “I’d love some!”
“Sorry did someone say anything?” Applejack said, ignoring the call.
“Me, I did.”
“The wind is sure making a strange noisy breeze tonight.”
Starlight stopped her attempts to be heard and just sighed, looking down to the ground.
“Jeeze, Applejack.” Rainbow Dash said, looking at her friend confused. “You are not being as awesome as you usually are. What’s up?”
“Argh... sorry.” Applejack just said, frustrated in herself. “Well not really. See, I found out the other day that Filthy Rich wants to kill me and take over the farm.”
“Oh.” Fluttershy said in a shocked peeped, licking her cube and getting dry ice on it. She spat it out and asked. “What are you going to do?”
“Well the apple family don’t take threats lightly. So we’ve buried the body and have to keep low for a while in our publicity.”
“S-sorry...?” Rarity said, astonished and had to ask. “Buried... the body?”
“Filthy Rich?” Pinkie said in a gasp.
“Never mind. You girls just don’t understand the complexity of business.”
“Applejack.” Twilight begged to know. “Did your family do something the rest of us have only dreamed of, and killed Filthy Rich?”
“We didn’t kill him. The shovel did.”
“This is so shocking! I always thought Fluttershy would be the one to kill first!” Pinkie said in utter amazement and Fluttershy looked at her with a soft smile.
“If only you knew, Pinkie Pie... if only you knew.”
“Huh?” Pinkie said, barely catching a whiff of Fluttershy’s quiet words and the meek pegasus just said softly.
“Nothing...”
“So what do you think you’ll do now?” Rainbow Dash asked Applejack.
“Probably turn myself in. Seems like the decent thing to do.”
“You’d think that.” Fluttershy whispered with a wink. “But it isn’t.”
Applejack cocked an eyebrow up at what her friend said and just replied. “Yeah... no... the guilt has just been eating me up inside. I feel so bad, like I need to kill again to stop these feelings of boredom and depression.”
“The taste of blood is addictive.” Fluttershy said with a secret smile and Applejack looked at her, sighing.
“Haven’t tasted blood.”
“You will.”
“Girls, girls! I think we need to stay on topic!” Twilight said, interjecting and they all turned their eyes up at her. “Applejack obviously is a homicidal maniac, and we can’t just accept that as normal.”
“But I thought friends were meant to love each other for who they are!” Rainbow Dash said in defense of Applejack and the orange pony mumbled under her breath.
“You’re next... you little bitch.”
Rainbow thought she heard something but couldn’t make it out.
“I have an idea!” Starlight shouted from away and Twilight said to her annoyed.
“Starlight, aren’t you meant to be keeping guard for clowns. You know we’re scared of them.”
“I just think that-”
“Do you want to be put back in the closet? Do you want THAT?”
“...” Starlight remained silent, then just mumbled out. “...No”
“No, indeed.” Twilight said annoyed and turned back to her friends, rolling her eyes. “Prodigies, they think they know everything about nothing.”
Starlight had tears in her eyes.
“I hope she didn’t hear me say that...” Twilight said nervously, realising she had spoken quite loudly. “After all, I am the princess of friendship, not of the friendless like what Starlight’s gonna be.”
The girls all laughed besides Starlight and Pinkie just squeaked out a giggle.
“Ooo! Burn.”
“I think we’re getting a little of track here, darlings.” Rarity said to her friends. “Applejack is obviously very dangerous now, so I think we should lock her up in my bedroom with chains and ropes and hoof cuffs.”
“That sounds kinda like SMBD?”
“Oh quiet you, Applejack,” Rarity said getting flushed in herself. “I just think you need to let out a bit of your aggression and my place is the perfect place to do that.”
“Maybe she could be locked up in my house too?” Rainbow Dash said eagerly, looking at Applejack with hungry eyes. “Once you’re done with her.”
“You girls do know I’m not gay?” Applejack had to confirm. “And I will find a way to escape and kill you.”
“Huhuhuhuh....” Rainbow and Rarity both sighed, Rarity adding on.
“It’s always the dangerous ones that hit the spot every time.”
“Everytime.”
“I should know...” Fluttershy whispered in a secret hidden grin.
“Should we be concerned about this, Twilight?” Pinkie asked the purple alicorn, afraid a little now. “because I think everypony is talking and acting a bit... off hinged...”
“Probably because of that spell I cast a while ago, seeing if I could make us stronger in our elements. Applejack how long have you been feeling murderous?”
“Since last week.”
“I’ve been doing it since birth...” Fluttershy whispered. “The animals are the only ones who fight back.”
“That explains it!” Twilight said, ignoring Fluttershy. “Girls, I think I know how to fix all our problems!”
“How?”
“Let’s pretend none of what Applejack did ever happened, lock her up in my closet till she finally decides to come out, and replace her with Starlight Glimmer!”
“I like that idea!” Starlight called from away.
“Starlight, damnit, CLOWNS!”
“AHH!” Starlight screamed as clowns started to climb the castle towards them.
“The world just hasn’t been the same since that virus was introduced...” Twilight remorsed and the battle for their lives began again.
Author's Note
I know the characters are OOC, but that's intentional. Trying my hand at comedy writing again. I don't know if this is funny or not, but a lot of it made me laugh.
