On Earth

by SureFreeD

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 2227

HiE fics are getting overused, how about a PiE lol Ponies in Earth

Twilight and Rainbow Dash are ready to test a 'cool' spell that will make Rainbow Dash twenty percent faster, as the spell is interrupted by a certain pink pony, they end up in a different world, where warfare, drugs, alchohol and other Earth traditions catch the ponies as they teleport directly into the United Kingdom, London, Dagenham. In a house. With a human. On a boat.

Published 2011-12-02 23:07:03 UTC
Last updated 2011-12-18 12:12:33 UTC

Damn it Pinkie Pie!

Twilight's speed spell didn't go as planned.

She was already casting the beam to her friend Rainbow Dash, but at the sudden noise of a certain pink pony, screaming like never before, this made Twilight mess up the whole thing.

She jumped, reverting the spell into something completely different, with a puff and a cloud of white smoke, the Pegasus and unicorn dissappeared from Pinkie's sight. Pinkie me gusta'd.

It all went downhill for the two ponies, first their vision turned into a blurry mess of different variety of colours, their brains felt like mash potato, their bodies felt like they were tearing themselves apart. But the pain ended in a matter of seconds, both of them realized that they were lying on something soft. Rainbow Dash was the first one to open her eyes.

"Ugh...Twilight, no more...speed spells...from you," Dash said, still beat up from the dimensional travel, but the ponies didn't know that they crossed between worlds.

"That...Pinkie...Pie, we are going to have a LONG...agh...talk." Twilight opened her eyes afterwards.

They gasped in unison.

Darkness, the only thing that was illuminating the white walls was the light coming from a large, rectangular box. A creature was sitting in a criss-cross in front of the box, with some kind of plastic, round things around his ears. The creature was holding some kind of white object with several buttons on it. It was menacly turning, twisting and pushing them.

"Umm...hello?" Twilight spoke.

The creature didn't respond, it was simply grinning.

"Hello?" Twilight spoke again, still no response.

"Listen here you weird thing!" Dash shouted directly at its ear. It turned his head slowly around, it's expression quickly changed. It dropped the white object and began backing away saying only one phrase.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUU-" it lasted three seconds. "UUUUUCK!?" The creature bumped the nearby table and fell down. The two mares simply stared in confusion. "Jesus, wha' the fuck?!" it spluttered out. "W-wha' are you?!" it was more shocked by the two mares rather than confused. Twilight regained her compusure.

"My name is Twilight Sparkle, and this is my friend Rainbow Dash...Dash...where'd she go?!" Twilight turned around three sixty degrees. Dash was in the kitchen room, in a fridge fiddling with various items.

"Woow, look at all this juicy stuff!" Rainbow exclaimed happily and continued her search, she picked up a blue metal can. "Look, we've got...b-beer, whatever that is, there is pizza!" she squealed in delight. "F-fish? Eeeww, why would you put that here?" she stopped for a moment, eyeing a big can of 'Red Bull'. "Hey, this looks like Red Pegasus, but it says Bull, why would it say that?" she giggled.

"RAINBOW!" Twiligh shouted as she saw the cyan pegasus riffle through the fridge. "Stop touching property that's not yours!" Twilight grabbed Rainbow Dash by her tail with her mouth and dragged her in front of the still shocked creature.
"I sincerely apologise for Rainbow Dash's silly behaviour." she said with a tiny blush on her cheeks.

"What are you?!" the creature said, inspecting their equine bodies. "Oh, so you're horses?" the creature raised it's eyebrow. Twilight stomped her hoof.
"We're not horses, we're ponies!" she raised her voice.

'Okay George, that was stupid acting, okay, just relax and make a good first impression, hell, they are from the My Little Pony show, Twilight is best pony!' Geroge thought to himself as he stood up, dusting himself off, he noticed that Twilight gasped at his sheer, one point seventy six height. He quickly realized this and crouched. 'Okay, first good impression, what the fuck, are they real?!' he thought to himself again.

"My name is George, a pleasure to meetchu, Twilight." he smiled and extended his hand, Rainbow Dash had an diabetic reaction to that.

"Whoa, you don't have hooves, what are those long things?" she pointed a hoof at his fingers. He thought about the baby dragon Spike and his claws. "They're like claws but much more softer." he smiled. "Can I touch them?" Dash's eyes sparkles as he nodded, but pulled away by Twilight.

"No. Physical. Contact!" Twilight furrowed her eyebrows, Dash frowned. "But why, I wanna touch 'im!"
Realizing what she said, Dash quickly felt warm blood run through her cheeks.

"We don't even know how be got here, so I suggest to keep your trap SHUT!" Twilight yelled, Dash backed away. The mares turnes their gaze on George. Twilight took his hand and shook it firmly, followed by Rainbow Dash.

"Wow, you gi'ls hav' some soft hooves." he smirked.

There was an awkward pause of silence.

"Umm...can we stay somewhere until I figure out how to get us back, it seems we're stuck here for a while," Twilight started.
"Sure, I have a few spare rooms and beds, feel free to use 'em." George smiled. Rainbow Dash's stomach growled loudly as she put her hoof against it. George snorted. "I guess somePONY is hungry." he stood up, towering over the ponies. "Twilight, Dash, come to the kitchen, we're goona 'ave dinner first, then we'll talk about everything we need to know about eachother." George started walking towards the kitchen.

"Sounds perfect to me!" Dash bounced in delight.

"Seems the right thing to do first," Twilight commented.

"Come on, the food isn't going to make itself would it?"

Sharing Liquid

A/N : 'My name is not George and I'm not self insert in any of my fics. Bastards.'

__

"So, what does this 'vodka' thing do?" Dash asked, eyeing the
white bottle in her hooves.

"It's like apple cider, but much, much more stronger." George informed. Dash simply shrugged and popped open the bottle, taking a good, long swig before regretting it.

"OhmigoshomigoshomiGOSH, It burns, my throat is on fire!" Dash started scratching her tongue, coughing and running around in circles. George giggled. He handed the pegasus a glass of cold water, within a second she drank it down.

"Twilight?" he gestured to the vodka bottle.

"No thank you, George." Twilight took an elegant and gentle swig out of her cup filled with red wine.

'These ponies, are so freakin' funny as shit!' he mentally laughed his ass off.

"I don't feel so go-good," Rainbow Dash burped before colliding with George. "Watch wher' ya goin' son!" Dash tried to immitate Applejack's voice. Rainbow Dash then bumped into Twilight. "Watch it, ya egghead," Rainbow said drunkly.

'Is this what I get for getting ponies drunk? Next level' he thought to himself again. He walked over the drunk pegasus.

"Haw, ya look cute, wanna do me?" Dash drunkly smiled. Her brain was a scrambled egg ad she didn't know what she was saying.

"I'm sorry to interrupted, but George, you simply look adorable, I would take you in at anytime." this made George back away.

'Where's Chuck Norris when you need him?' he mentally punned his own mind with a incorrect pun, which wasn't a pun at all.

'Okay, surrounded by two horny ponies that I've just met two minutes ago, what's my next move?' again he was making calculations in his mind.

"I d-don't feel well, agh, my stomach." Dash clutched her tummy, as it seems she was in pain.
"Dash, you okay?" Twilight asked in a concerned voice. Without any warning, the cyan mare puked on the tile floor, different variety of colors flew out of her mouth and splashed into the floor. "Eeww, gross!" she laughed at her own vomit.

'What is she laughing at, I have to get these ponies in bed soon, and no God, not the 'in bed' way.' he mentally slapped himself at that. 'Am I going mental?' he mentally- you know what forget it.

"Guys, I seriously need a lay down, George?" she looked up to him. "Huh,wa?" he broke from his thought. "Care to carry me?" Dash grinned. "Well sure, why not." he picked Dash up, her fur was so soft against his skin. George began walking upstairs, the short corridor revealing three rooms.

"Looks like we're going to talk in the morning." Twilight growled.

George entered the spare guest room, there was a double sized bed, he placed Rainbow Dash on it, as he began walking outside, he was stopped by a grinning Twilight in the doorway.

"Umm...excuse me Miss-whoa!" he was pushed back in the room by an invisable magic force, he fell on the bed, right next to a smiling Dash. Twilight leapt up to his chest.

"I think we're using one room for tonight." she blushed intesitvly, Rainbow Dash began nuzzling George's neck. As Twilight ran a hoof down to his chest and up to his chin.

'Oh heeell no, I ain't gettin' sued for bestiality!' he thought. He tried to stand up but Twilight and Rainbow Dash kept him pinned. "Get off me, Twilight!" George insisted. "Nuh uh, not until you release the magic cream inside me." Twilight said seducevly.

'Oh double heeeeeell no, I ain't into this pony fetish!' he mentally shouted in his mind.

George heard a 'ziiiiip' noise come from something. He looked at Twilight, her horn was glowing and she had the most sexist grin ever.

'Shit, not good, she's unzipping my trousers, gottam think fast!'

"Twilight, wanna share him, or should take turns?" Rainbow asked.
"I think we should share him, he's big enough for the both of us."

'I need an excuse, and fast, how about, say that I'm gay, nah terrible idea, they'll want me to prove it ugh. How about, say that I'm tired, yeah!'

"Hey gi'ls, I'm too tired for this, how about some other time, I've got work tomorrow." he rubbed his eye to show how tired he was. The two mares giggled. "Silly, nopony or even you, work on weekends!" Rainbow informed.

'Well thanks, Miss Fucking Approval, cool story bro.'

"And besides, what's the worst that could happen? Now stop being such a fiddle and let us to it!" Twilight raised her voice.

'Cool story bro.'

"Just lay there and let us take care of it all."

'Cool story bro, I mean it.'

Twilight Yes

"Twilight, G-T-F-O from my stomach!"

"What the hay does that mean?"

"Get. The. Fuck. Off. Now Twilight."

"Ugh...fine." Twilight stood up, and then sat on the bed. "I'll stay here for the night." she rolled on her side.

"Sure, whatever, just don't come near the fridge." George said, he stood up from the bed and began walking towards the door.

"George." Twilight stopped him, he turned around. "What?" he said. "I love you." a sly smile spread across her face. "No you don't, you're just drunk, sleep it off." he said and turned away from Twilight.

George descended the stairs, he entered the kitched and opened the fridge door, taking out a can of Monster. He went back to the living room where his television and xbox resided. He slumped back down on the couch, sipping on the drink.

"Ponies..." he said, he placed the can on a table and took the xbox controller. He continued his gameplay of Battlefield Three.

__

Several hours later he passed out. Salivia dripping from his mouth open mouth. There was a knock on the front door that woke up him up. He stood up, wiping the salivia away from his lips. Proceeding towards the door and turning the handle. Outside was standing a girl. Prefebaly his age. Long blond hair, a blue shirt that exposed her bellybutton. Dark skinny jeans, and a smile on her face.

"Hey Chloe." they both shared a quick kiss. "Hi George." she said, he motioned her for to come in. "Sorry 'bout the mess," he apologized. They sat on the couch, George wrapped a hand around Chloe. "So, hows the enlisting going?" she asked, resting her head on him. "They accepted, but I gotta wait another two weeks before I get to training." he replied. "But why do you want to go, ain't you afraid of...you know." Chloe said worryingly. George sighed. "I wanted to join the Royal Marines since I was a kid, if not them, I'll go to USA and join the American Marines. I want to be a soldier." he smiled. "But what if they kill you?" Chloe asked, gently nuzzling him. "Meh, they'll replace me." George said flatly. "What about your parents, won't they be worried for you?"

"My dad is in jail and I don't see my mom that much, so yeah, I don't give two shits about my parents."

"Oh...sorry I asked." she kissed him on the cheek. "So, about that party..." an evil grin began to from on her face. "Oh yes, I still remember it, shit I forgot the vodka box!" he quickly stood up. "Wait, I'll go and get it, it's upstairs in my room." he bolted up the stairs.

__

George opened his bedroom door, only to reveal a posing Twilight on the bed.

"Come and get me, you big boy." she said seducevly.

'What the fuck is wrong with these ponies!?'

"Twilight, shut up and go to the guest bedroom. Now!" he reached under the bed and took out a white box. Twilight gasped.

"Are those condoms!? Oh yeah!"

George facepalmed.

"Twilight, if you say ONE more sexual related thing, Imma whoop your ass SO hard you'll go back to Equestria!"

"You meanie-weenie-innie-ginnie-lolwut-pants!"

George turned around, to see a very unamused Pinkie Pie.

"Oh shi-..."