Wild Ride

by AdmiralTigerclaw

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Random, Shining Armor, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 2819

Queen Chrysalis discovers the meaning of 'dogfight'.

Queen Chrysalis, disguised as Princess Cadence, is hard at work preparing for the invasion of Canterlot. Over the last few days, she's been carefully milking Shining Armor, captain of the guard, for all the information on the capital's defenses she can get her hooves on.

But one such defense leaves her confused and curious. A brief conversation with Shining later finds the changeling queen trapped, terrified, and in for the wildest ride of her life.

Published 2012-07-08 19:44:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-08 19:44:02 UTC

Hop One: Kamikaze vs Jet Star

Chrysalis frowned underneith her mask of Princess Cadence as she stared at the strange, flat road that extended into the distance in each direction. She could see waves of heat radiate from its black, lifeless surface as it absorbed the heat of the noonday sun.

After a week of careful questions, and tours from Shining Armor, she had almost every possible point of defense of canterlot mapped out in her head. Every gate, every guard post, every locked door and the key that went to it. Soon, very soon, she could begin the invasion, and nobody, not even Celestia would be able to stop her.

But this was different... A big, flat, empty patch of ground, hard as rock, and painted with white lines right down the middle.

"So," she began, her curiosity getting the best of her at just how such a worthless stretch of flat land could ever be important for defense. "Dear, what exactly was this again?"

"A runway," Shining replied as he trotted up, glancing one way, then the other as if looking for something. "This is a new edition to the training grounds here. I got the idea from the Wonderbolts a few months back. And Grumane was more than happy to fill the order."

A distant whine caught the disguised queen's attention, drawing her eyes off to the far end of the barren surface. She could just make out something that looked like a silver bird through the waves of heat that shimmered and distorted it.

"What's it do?" she asked, trying to milk her 'love' for more information.

"Well," Shining followed her gaze towards the distant silver bird as it lazily moved around on the ground. "I've noticed alot of the guard have gotten a bit..."

Shining paused to find a delicate way to put his phrasing.

"...Lax." He finished. "Especially the pegasus guards. There's just been no real way to keep them in top form lately. I can't train them very well myself."

The unicorn stallion reached up and rapped his hoof on his helmet, emitting a series of metal clanks from it as he did so.

"And the wonderbolts are too busy most of the time to provide agressor training," he continued, returning his gaze to the distant whining noise. "So when Spitfire mentioned this, I figured it was worth a shot. And as far as I can tell, I think it's working."

The silver bird came to a halt. Chrysalis, her curiosity getting the better of her, started to advance onto the black surface trying to get a better look, even if she had to walk all the way down there. She jerked to a stop as Shining caught her.

"Don't," he stated sternly as she jerked her head back to him. "Just watch."

The whining picked up, dragging Chrysalis' attention back to the silver bird as it increased in volume. A moment later the whining surpassed the loudest droning she'd ever heard from her own army. A drone that had made her ears ring for days after she'd announced her plan to infiltrate and invade Equestria. The sound continued to climb to an unbelievable roar. Then the bird began to move, slowly tracking towards the duo, picking up speed until it raced along. Just when Chrysalis thought it was going to keep barreling down the 'runway' past them, it picked up, lifting into the air trailing twin jets of dragon fire as it surged high into the sky.

The roar that followed threatened to drown out her thoughts as she realized it was some kind of flying metal chariot, not a bird.

"We use those to train," Shining continued as the roar died into the distance above them, the vehicle passing through his shield unhampered. "The idea is to use them to teach pegasi how to fly and fight while being handicapped by something that can't turn as well as they can. We can also train earth ponies to fly them and supplement our forces. I heard just one of those flying overhead caused an entire buffalo herd to consider talks rather than attacking a frontier town. Amazing what a little noise does."

Chrysalis' head turned as the distant roar faded enough for her to recognize the whine once more coming from the far end of the runway. Her head turned, eyes latching onto another metal vehicle as it lumbered into position.

"That's right," Shining suddenly struck the ground with a hoof. "You've never really flown well, have you?"

Chrysalis easily hid her slight offense at the remark. She could fly just fine, thank you very much. But still...

Her eyes narrowed as she watched the metal bird, chariot... THING come to a stop, the whine coming from it intensifying.

She almost jumped when Shining spoke into her ear.

"You want to go for a ride?" he asked.

"Gentlecolts, this is your first hop."

'THOOM!'

Shining watched as the sunlight glinted off the metal of the F-14 as it raced towards his position on the ground. Opposite this, another, slightly smaller A-4 Skyhawk charged it down. Both aircraft looked set to colide.

"The jets you are flying against are smaller, faster, and more maneuverable," he continued into the radio headset in his helmet. "Just like pegasi. The clock is ticking, and as of now, I'm keeping score."

The two aircraft merged in front of him, passing just a few lengths apart.

Chrysalis was thrown sideways in her seat as the larger jet she was in snapped a roll on its nose. The only thing that held her in place was the overly tight harness. She grunted, suddenly feeling regret in having agreed to this.

"I lost him!" the pegasus in the seat in front of her snapped. "Wait-"

The jarring sideways motion became a crushing weight in her chest as Canterlot seemed to revolve around them on her left. Then just as suddenly as it started, the weight vanished, replaced by a jarring roll in the oposite direction.

"Still with me back there Princess?" the pegasus' voice called back. "It's always rough on you the first time, but you get used to it. Try to keep an eye on the other plane and learn to anticipate what I'm about to do!"

Then the sensation yanked the disguised queen to the side as the sky traded places with the ground. Canterlot Castle appeared for a brief moment. Chrysalis resisted the urge to dry-heave.

The queen had seen pegasi fight, she'd seen changelings fight... She'd even had a few flying sessions to get an idea of what her own armies could or would do when it came down to a fight.

But this...

She felt the nose of the vehicle she was in start to climb, giving her just enough warning to brace herself before the crushing downward force rammed her into her seat again. The world and sky turned above her as she tried to look out of the canopy. For just a moment, she felt it was a mistake as she caught sight of something shiny and fast ripping past her field of vision, almost having scared her had she not been to busy trying to keep her body in place, and her transformation under control.

"Oh no you don't!" the pegasus in front of her snapped angrily. How could he sound so relaxed under this kind of stress?

The ground and sky traded places again, the ground swinging around behind them as the vehicle started climbing. Chrysalis felt the crushing weight reduce as they came out of their turn.

"You're mine Jet Star!"

The changeling queen's eyes caught a glint of metal to the left, and immediately braced herself, successfully staying in place as the craft spun like a top and pitched over. The sky and ground reversed in their dance, and suddenly canterlot was below them, looking like a splash of white paint on the land, or maybe a bird dropping the way she considered the ponies.

Despite facing almost straight down, Chrysalis was still pushed into her seat as the vehicle began to accellerate. In the corners of her vision, she could see the wings of the craft gently swing back, clouds of vapor intermittantly appearing as they dove.

"Come on, COME ON!" the pegasus in front griped. They rolled gently as they dove. Chrysalis watched helplessly as the ground started to get much closer, much faster. A spire of jagged cliff caught her attention, overriding her discomfort with the raw desire not to be turned into a splatter mark like the city.

"WATCH THE MOUNTAIN!" she snapped, her tone absentmindedly reverting to her queenly authority.

The pegasus seemed to take heed of the invoked command without questioning it, or her tone. A minor but pleasing point for the queen. The vehicle yanked, increasing its clearance with the rocks as they flashed by a safe distance away.

"Sounds like you're getting the hang of it!" he called back. "Hold on to your flank!"

Crushing force again. Canterlot was now disturbingly close to them as they turned. Her bedroom suite in one of the castle towers flashed by as they passed through the shield and out the other side of it in just a few seconds. The speed they were traveling at hitting home as that happened.

The disguised queen bit back a choice, terrified swear.

"Hah!" the pegasus laughed. "We just buzzed the tower! How pissed do you think Celestia is?"

Chrysalis didn't answer, opting instead not to destroy the pony that had her life in his hooves until AFTER she was safely back on the ground.

A flash of metal streaking to the left alerted her to an oncoming turn, and her body just managed avoiding the sideways yank...

"Let's TURN AND BURN!" the pegasus shouted.

The yank morphed into a combination of the sideways pull along with the brutal crushing force as the sky and ground twirled dizzyingly in the changeling's vision. Chrysalis tried her best to distract herself from the fact that the ground was ripping by frighteningly close by trying to remember everything she could about how her soldiers flew in air combat. However, this failed miserably as she came up blank.

The corkscrewing sensation stopped as the vehicle righted itself, replaced with another nose-yanking climb. The disguised queen quietly whimpered and squeezed her eyes shut as the force redoubled. She couldn't keep track of what was going on with the world spinning every which way. As a result, the sudden twist and inverting dive caught her off guard, slamming her around once more.

Chrysalis snapped her eyes open, anger and terror mixing in her brain as clouds whipped by. She was just about to end this foolish insanity when the craft spun again.

"You're NOT getting away!" the pegasus snarled. "HANG ON PRINCESS! This one's gonna' be rough! Ready-"

Rough? ROUGH!? If everything else wasn't rough, what was-?

"Hit it!"

Chrysalis felt the thrum of the vehicle below her increase and then got squashed into her seat as they began to turn. The force intensified, feeling like the entire swarm had decided to come and sit right on top of her. The corner's of the queen's vision darkened as the sky whirled. Clouds, mountains, and city danced in her vision as vapors coalesced around the craft. The darkness continued to creep in as her vision narrowed down to a single bright tunnel, the sounds around her fading to a murmer.

Chrysalis breathed a sharp gasp as the weight lifted, everything coming back full force, almost giving her a headache if she had time to actually think about it.

"Still awake?" the pegasus asked casually. "That was seven Gs."

This was insane!

They jerked and spun again, Canterlot coming back into view as the pegasus in front of her continued to guide the metal coffin she was stuck in on a path she couldn't understand.

"He's taking the long way! I know a shortcut!"

For a moment, Chyrsalis felt her body become weightless as the nose dipped, rolled, and yanked. Canterlot castle was now directly ahead of them in all its glory, surrounded by Shining Armor's glowing shield. There was a vibration as the vehicle's thrumming increased, going smooth as the castle began to race at them.

"Supersonic!" he snapped. "I hope Blueblood's wearing ear plugs!"

The disguised changeling choked in horror as the causeway connecting two of the towers raced right at her.

"Who am I kidding?" the pegasus joked.

Chrysalis screamed as the causeway became a blinding wall of white. Her body yanked as the vehicle rolled, castle tower bluring by impossibly fast. For just a second, the changeling swore she saw Princess Celestia's shocked face tear by so close she could almost reach out and touch it.

The castle was replaced by dozens of rooftops, each hurtling by as they raced right above Canterlot, yanking one way then the other, then pulling back hard. Chrysalis felt her stomach attempt another dry heave, forcing the changeling queen to lean her head back to fight it off. In the overhead rear-view-mirror she noticed that at some point her disguise had slipped, her changeling fangs and disjointed horn a stark contrast to the would-be bride she was immitating.

With a quick, panic-stricken scowl, she hid the telltale features with a flash of green. Luckily, it seemed her brief slip hadn't caught the attention the pegasus as he concentrated on the air ahead of them.

"There you are Jet Star!" the pegasus crowed as they wound their way along. "Nowhere to run now!"

Chrysalis could hear a strange, intermittent whine begin. It was at such a tone that seemed to bore into mind like a drill. It continued for several seconds before it became a steady drone, piercing her soul. Whatever it was, the pegasus in front of her let out a whoop of joy.

"Jet Star's DEAD!" he snapped in finality.

To the changeling's great pleasure, they leveled off into a more recognizable pattern of smooth, level flight. The kind of flight Chrysalis was more comfortable with.

"Get your flank away from the castle and return to base IMMEDIATELY," a gruff, angry tone crackled around them.

Chrysalis found herself smiling as she let out a sigh of relief.

"Yes sir," the pegasus in front of her replied. Then she could see him turn his head slightly, trying to look back at her.

"Still alive back there?" he asked.

'Cadence' gingerly hopped off the Tomcat's ladder, a strange, almost vacant expression on her face as Shining trotted up to her. He was there just in time as she tried to wobble a few steps, her legs shaking to the point the disguised changeling almost fell over.

"How was it?" Shining asked. He had the slightest hint of a grin hiding behind a mask of concern. However, Chrysalis could sense his immense mirth and shot him the best death glare she could muster.

"Never... again," she managed before even that proved to be too much effort.

Shining Armor chuckled as he turned to put a hoof around her shoulder. The hidden mirth melted away into a more familiar hint of love that the changeling queen immediately pounced upon. It only clicked after a few seconds just how hungry she was. Even though a passenger, that flight had been extremely hard work.

"Let's go grab something to eat," Shining suggested as if reading her mind. "I bet you're hungry after that spin with Kamikaze."

'Cadence' nodded weakly, already well into her own little meal as the captain of the guard lead her safely away from the evil metal bird and its insane pilot.

'Note to myself...' she thought idly between 'bites' of love. 'Before the invasion, find some excuse to send that monstrosity as FAR away from Canterlot as possible. And once I rule this place... DESTROY that runway so that I may never have to experience another day like this... EVER AGAIN!'

Author's Note

Like what you've read? Try some of my other works on for size. Even my scrapbook contains some fun bits to tantalize your mental taste buds. Just click on my author name at the top of the story and browse the work.

Consider also some of my audio work as posted on SoundCloud and BandCamp.

If you want to try some anime-related reading, the story Sleeping With the Girls can be checked out indirectly from the brightly lit link to TVtropes. (The page gives you a rough overview of the story as a whole. Spoilers should be a given.)

And of course, if you'd like to support me, you could buy my compendium work from bandcamp (linked above), or support me through monthly donations via Patreon. (And I'm still confused how people get that little patreon icon in their author's notes. Haven't found the source for it yet.)