Ah Esh Hoers

by Banjo64

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Random, Pinkie Pie, Human, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy
Length: 1539

Equestria has an other-worldly visitor! Too bad he had a small handicap.

When a mysterious stallion appears out of a portal, Twilight Sparkle is ecstatic. Who knows what other-worldly knowledge this stranger could possess?

Unfortunately for her, that knowledge may prove somewhat limited as this stallion... has a bit of an unexpected handicap.

Published 2017-04-02 00:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-04-02 00:20:01 UTC

Bet you won't see this one coming

Twilight Sparkle was delighted. It wasn’t everyday a pony fell through a portal in the sky. After making sure he wasn’t hurt, they’d quickly taken him to an open bedroom in the castle. She was looking forward to learning about where the stallion came from, why he was here, and whatever news he could be carrying.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before she got frustrated.

“Ugh… we’ve been trying to communicate with him for an hour and we’re still getting nowhere!” she exclaimed.

Spike sighed, though he didn’t object. Indeed, the mysterious stallion had proven immensely difficult to speak with. It wasn’t due to stubbornness or anything. It was because the guy appeared to be dumb as a rock.

“Alright, Let’s try this one more time. What is your name?” asked Twilight.

“Ah esh hoers,” the stallion slurred as he stared at his hoof.

The stallion had demonstrated difficulty speaking. He had also demonstrated difficulty making eye contact, holding still, and remembering things that happened ten seconds ago.

“Yes, you are a pony. We are all perfectly aware of that. But can you please tell us your name?” asked Twilight.

The stallion turned toward Twilight with a gaze that didn’t quite meet her’s before he closed one eye, and then the other.

“Ah… esh… hor… esh,” he said, slower, but still slurred.

“Ugh… how about where you’re from? Can you tell us that?” asked Twilight.

“Few Fork,” said the stallion as his gaze turned toward an untouched food tray nearby.

“Please stop ignoring me. We really need your cooperation so we can figure out what to do with you,” said Twilight.

“Aufor pheese?” said the stallion.

“Yes, Peace would be nice, but we can’t get there if you don’t tell us more. Please, tell us your name,” repeated Twilight.

“Ah esh hores,” grunted the stallion.

Twilight facehoofed and let out a groan.

“You know, Twilight, I think he might be trying to tell us something. Maybe the portal he came through works like the mirror to Canterlot High? Maybe he’s not normally a pony?” suggested Spike.

“I already figured as much, but that doesn’t explain why he keeps forgetting that he’s a pony, not a horse!” exclaimed Twilight.

“Maybe it’s not his fault? He might be, you know, one of those kind of guys?” suggested Spike.

Twilight looked back at the mysterious stallion, whose head had flopped to one side, just for him to flop it over to the other side.

“Maybe, but if that’s the case and he wasn’t a pony before coming here, why hasn’t he had a complete panic attack? Ponies with that sort of condition wouldn’t handle suddenly turning into a pony this well. I think he’s just that dull witted,” said Twilight.

“Ah ed ta deem ap bow fiss us,” mumbled the stallion.

Twilight and Spike shared an awkward look.

“I heard the word ‘fist,’ so I think he saying his people have hands, and that he was beat up at some point,” said Spike.

“So he’s saying he has brain damage?” asked Twilight with a raised eyebrow.

The stallion just groaned and rolled his neck, accidentally knocking his head on a wall, making him groan again.

“It does kind of look like it. Maybe we should take him to the hospital? Let professionals take a look at him?” suggested Spike.

“Day!” exclaimed the stallion as his head swing toward an open window.

“That’s probably a good idea. Goodness knows we’re having no luck working with someone so incompetent,” said Twilight with a shake of her head.

At that moment there was a knock at the door.

“Twilight! Can I meet the new pony now?!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie from the other room.

“I don’t think so Pinkie. He doesn’t seem ready to…” Twilight’s reply was cut off as she realized Pinkie was already in the room.

“Hi! My name’s Pinkie Pie. What’s yours?” asked Pinkie.

The stallion’s eye opened wide, but then he closed them and groaned.

“Ah esh hores,” mumbled the stallion.

“Wow! That’s a really interesting name. Where are you from?” asked Pinkie.

Twilight blinked in surprise before sighing. What game was Pinkie playing this time?

“Few Fork,” said the stallion as his gaze once again fell on the food table.

“Never heard of it. Is it far away from here?” asked Pinkie.

“Ah duf own,” said the Stallion.

“I see. So you have no idea how you got here, then?” asked Pinkie.

The stallion flopped his head around in a wild manner than caused it to slam into the wall again.

“Ouch. That’s a shame. Twilight must be so disappointed. She really likes learning you know. She was hoping you’d be able to teach her some super neat stuff,” said Pinkie.

The stallion actually smiled at that. Or at least tried to, judging from how his lips twisted in an awkward manner.

Twilight looked at Pinkie with a raised eyebrow. She couldn’t understand what Pinkie Pie was going on about, but it seemed like she had some idea what he was saying. The implications about her friend’s sanity were a bit unsettling, but she kept quiet for now.

“Anyway, you seem kind of wobbly there. Are you still dizzy from the portal?” asked Pinkie.

“Mal boofy es fall ong. Don koll wow la loov,” said the stallion.

Twilight wondered if he was singing a love song.

“Oh… so you weren’t a pony before you came here? You know, Twilight had to go through the same thing, but in reverse. Huh, now that I think about she got the hang of things really quickly. I guess you’re just having a much harder time, huh?” asked Pinkie.

The stallion did another awkward flop, but he managed to avoid banging his head this time.

“I see. Well then, if you don’t mind waiting a minute or two, I can head downstairs and grab a few books from the library to help you. Would you like anything from the kitchen?” asked Pinkie.

“Aufor pheese” said the Stallion.

“Got it. Coming right up!” exclaimed Pinkie as she turned and headed towards the door.

“Wait, what? Pinkie, what are you doing? How are you going to bring him peace?” asked Twilight.

“Don’t be silly, Twilight! He didn’t ask for peace. He politely asked for a glass of water,” said Pinkie with a wave of her hoof.

Twilight blinked in surprise.

“Wait, when did he say that? I didn’t hear anything like that,” said Twilight.

Pinkie Pie paused and turned toward Twilight with a tilt of her head.

“But he just did. Are you having trouble understanding him, Twilight?” asked Pinkie.

It suddenly occurred to Twilight that she might not have been the only one getting frustrated that afternoon. She blushed as she also realized that the stallion probably wasn’t the one acting stupidly.

“Er… yes, I am. What was he saying?” asked Twilight sheepishly.

“Well… his name is Isaac Horce, and he’s from a place called New York. He doesn’t know how he got here, so he can’t tell us. The reason he’s so floppy is because he’s not a pony where he’s from, and he’s having trouble figuring out how to move. I figured getting a book on physical therapy will let us get him up on his hooves,” explained Pinkie.

Twilight looked at Isaac, who was still flopping about.

“But… but his eyes! His speech! How can he be so uncoordinated just from changing species? I wasn’t this bad when I went through the mirror,” exclaimed Twilight.

“Ah uss owl say luz e. Mal fong es fo lig, a mal eyes malk meh lizzy,” said Isaac.

“He said he was always clumsy, and that his tongue is now so big and his eyes make him dizzy,” translated Pinkie Pie.

“I get it. He must be used to having a smaller tongue and eyes. When we went to the human world, we had to deal with smaller eyes than usual, not larger. Now that I think about it, my sense of smell was kind overwhelming as a dog, but because all my other sense were the same it wasn’t that bad. Having them all change like this must be pretty overwhelming,” said Spike.

“Yef! An mal lek es sew muf ongher!” exclaimed Isaac.

“I see. You’re just not used to being able to swing your head so far, huh? Now you just sit back and relax while I get you that glass of water and those books. We’ll teach you how to pony properly, don’t you worry!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie as she bounced out of the room.

Twilight turned toward Isaac, somewhat ashamed.

“I owe you an apology. I didn’t think that you’d be having so much trouble just from being turned into a pony. I didn’t have it so bad when I turned into a human, but I still shouldn’t have assumed. I’m sorry I called you incompetent,” said Twilight.

“Esh O. Fay. Ah funked herd gade,” replied Isaac with an uncoordinated shrug.

Author's Note

I put minimal effort into this, and it shows.

As for why I posted this? The date, and because I used my original joke somewhere else.

Anyways, Happy April 1st everyone!