Fly to Haywaii, Cheap

by Rambling Writer

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Lyra, Comedy, Bon-Bon
Length: 963

Lyra hits on a low-cost transportation scheme.

Lyra and Bon Bon have always wanted to go to the paradise known as Haywaii. Unfortunately, it costs much more than a front leg and a hind leg simply to get there. Their dream seems out of reach... until Lyra finds a much, much cheaper alternative. Not only that, it's fast. It's easy. It's risk-free.

Bon Bon doesn't like it one bit.

Published 2017-04-01 22:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-04-01 22:10:01 UTC

How to Mail Friends and Deliver Ponies

“And when we account for the last leg of air chariot transportation,” said Bon Bon, “the cost of that turns out to be…” She wrote down the price and blinked. “That is a lot of numbers.”

“You still need to add it to getting west by train,” mumbled Lyra.

Bon Bon did so. “…That is even more numbers.”

“And we don’t even have a budget yet for what we’ll do once we’re in Haywaii.”

“Super. Simply super.” Bon Bon shoved the paper away and hung her head in her hooves. “We’re never gonna be able to afford this, are we?”

“Well… if we save our money, maybe in a few years-”

“Who knows what’ll happen in a few years! Something’ll come up and drain us dry.”

“It-”

“It will! This is Ponyville. We’re right next to the Everfree. It seems like we have monster attacks every weekend.”

“It’s- Lemme see that.” Lyra yanked the budget sheet from Bon Bon. Her eyes flicked up and down as she scanned it. “You know,” she said, “if we could just find a cheaper route, get these costs down to half of this, we’d probably be able to afford it soon.”

Bon Bon groaned. “I’ve looked, Lyra. There aren’t any cheaper routes. We’re only a few steps away from being hoboes as it is.”

“What’s wrong with being hoboes?” Lyra slammed the sheet down on the table. “I know it shouldn’t cost this much. I’ve had stuff delivered from Calicornia, and it didn’t cost anywhere near this much. Why does freight cost so much less than ponies?”

“Actually, that’s easy to get around,” said Bon Bon with the seriousness of a slug exclaiming he’d love a salt bath. “Why don’t we just mail ourselves?”

“Lyra. What is this?”

“A box.”

“I can see it’s a box.”

“Then why’d you ask?”

“I wanted to know what you were doing with it.”

“Then why didn’t you say something like, ‘Lyra. Why are you stuffing food into this box?’”

“Fine. Lyra. Why are you stuffing food into this box?”

“Because there’s still room left in it.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“It is what you asked.”

“…I think you’re missing the point.”

“I think you’re asking the wrong questions.”

Bon Bon groaned and facehooved. “Lyra. What are you planning to do with this box?”

Lyra snatched another packet of eclairs from the counter and tossed it into the box. “I’m doing just like you said. I’m mailing us to Haywaii.”

“…I didn't me-”

“Hey!” Lyra swung around and pointed a declarative hoof at Bon Bon. “I looked. The cost of delivery for a package from here to Haywaii is less than ten percent of a pony traveling from here to there. Even if you pay for the fastest delivery available. We’ll be saving a ton of money!”

“And we’re supposed to fit… in that.” Bon Bon’s concern wasn’t unfounded; the box was two feet by two feet by two feet if you were feeling generous.

“Sure. Magic. Watch!” Lyra climbed onto the counter, then into the box. In spite of being significantly larger than the box, she vanished inside it easily. “See?” she hollered from inside.

Bon Bon peered inside and her jaw dropped. Inside, the box was a decently-sized room. Made of cardboard, perhaps, but easily large enough to fit two ponies comfortably. A rope ladder hung from the opening to the floor below. Lyra was already there, sitting next to a good-sized pile of food and grinning up.

“So that’s why I’ve been packing food!” said Lyra, waving at Bon Bon. “For the trip over. And I’ll be sticking in some chairs and stuff so we’ll be comfortable for however long we’re in here, a-”

Bon Bon pulled away and stared at the very-much-smaller exterior of the box. “Where did you even get something like this?”

“Twilight! I explained to her what we were doing, and she said it was great we were experiencing the world outside of Ponyville, since we could make friends all across Equestria, and she zapped this baby up in an hour or so to make it easier for us.”

“Even though we’ll probably only be spending time with the two of us?”

Lyra poked her head out of the box and smirked. “I know that, and you know that…”

“Oh, so now we’re lying?”

“We’re not lying!” Lyra protested. She swung herself out of the box. “We’re just leaving out contextualizing information on our motives. I said I wanted a box so we could mail ourselves to Haywaii. Twilight was the one who made that particular leap of logic. I just didn’t correct her.”

“Well- okay, fine. What if it gets tilted, or-”

“It has its own gravity.” Lyra pushed the box onto its side. The pile of food stayed on the “floor”, which was now vertical. “We won’t feel a thing.”

“Lyra…” Bon Bon facehooved. “This is stupid.”

“Bonnie, c’mon.” Lyra put her foreleg over Bon Bon’s shoulder and hugged her close. “You. Me. Haywaii. How long have we wanted to do this?”

“I dunno. A year or two?”

“Precisely. For years. And the only reason we haven’t gone is because it costs way too much. Now we actually have something we can afford, and you’re saying it’s stupid?”

“Lyra, it’s… We’re mailing ourselves. It is stupid.”

“Hey, if it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid. And this will definitely work.” Lyra looked at Bon Bon pleadingly. “Please? For me?”

Lyra hadn’t done puppy-dog eyes before. In spite of this, Bon Bon found herself unable to resist. She sighed and pushed Lyra’s leg off her. “Fine. But only because it’s you and Haywaii. Otherwise, I’d never let myself get shipped like this.”