Pinkie Pie Poops on Planet Earth
"-Should just open right up," said a booming feminine voice, high in the air above the bustling city. The source of the Earth-shaking voice was a hole in the sky, easily ten miles wide, which seemed to be a window of sorts. The perspective was a little disorienting - it looked as though the window was pointed upwards, showing what looked like a wooden ceiling - and in front of that, a cheerful pink face with bright blue eyes, looking curiously down at the city below.
"Where does it go, Twilight?" said the pink creature. Its voice was just as loud, but at a higher pitch, compared to the voice that had spoken before.
"A variety of places, depending on the calibration," said the unseen creature called Twilight. "It's designed to open up onto uninhabited planets in different dimensions, mainly. Originally I designed it to open up into deep space, but dealing with the vacuum of outer space was a hassle."
"I don't think this one's uninhabited!" said the pink one. "There's a tiny little city down there!"
"Oh yeah?" said Twilight. A purple face pushed its way into view. "Hm, how about that. I guess it's not too surprising that some dimensions would end up at a smaller scale than ours." The purple face turned away. "Well, anyway, it's nothing to worry about. Before the portal even opens, it scans the planet for any civilizations whose friendship rating is above two hundred milliSparkles, and if it finds any, it'll search out a different location."
"MilliSparkles?" asked the pink one.
"Didn't I explain that?" said Twilight. "I developed a method of quantifying friendship, and... well, I always envied ponies who had units named after them... Anyway, being under two hundred milliSparkles means that the inhabitants of this planet aren't nice to each other."
"So it's okay not to think of them as people! Because they're a bunch of meanies!" said the pink one, happy to be on the same page as her friend.
"Exactly," said Twilight. "So are you going to get started?"
The pink one giggled. "Are you going to give me some privacy?"
"Since this is our first test run," said Twilight. "I think it's best if I stay and watch."
"Suuure," said the pink one, turning to Twilight with a knowing expression. "That's why you want to watch." Her face left the frame of the huge round portal, leaving the city below an unobstructed view of the ceiling. But after a few seconds, it was replaced by a different part of the creature's enormous pink body. Two huge, round rosy ass cheeks filled the frame of the sky portal, and as they separated slightly, a fat, puffy pink butthole appeared.
"Look out, meanies!" said the pink one. "Here comes Pinkie's poopie!" Pinkie's anus opened up, and the head of a thick brown turd began to slowly creep out. The log of shit was over a mile wide, and the crackling sound as it slowly pushed its way out was loud enough to shatter windows. Cowering humans stared upward, watching more and more of the shitlog's length dangle from Pinkie's asshole, waiting for it to drop - but it was a long one, and it hung low, swinging in the air, miles and miles long. Its smell reached ground level before it dropped, and thousands of humans fainted from some mixture of fear and disgust.
Pinkie's turd was far taller and thicker than a skyscraper, and when it finally broke off and fell, its solid mass crushed buildings underneath it and slammed into the ground like a meteor strike, sending shockwaves throughout the city. But unlike a meteor, the cracked head of her log had a long tail of shit behind it, and it flopped to the ground, coiling on itself, crushing more buildings and sending out a second round of shockwaves.
Pinkie parted her legs and stared down between her thighs, checking out the destruction her poop had caused. "Wowie!" she said. "My poopie must look huuuuge to those little meanies! Hee hee, I bet they weren't expecting a big stinky turd to fall on their city today!"
She closed her thighs, and her anus opened up again. "Mmm," she said, "Got LOTS more giant poopies for you!" The next turd was almost as long as the first, but this time Pinkie was pushing harder, and the wide brown log hit the ground quickly and flopped down onto its predecessor.
The next thirty seconds were a merciless pummeling, delivered to the helpless city by Pinkie Pie's two-mile-wide pink ponut. Shorter, stubbier logs of shit - still just as thick and still miles long - rained down onto the ruined city, piling up into a stinking brown heap that rose fair higher than any human structure. Pinkie's ass had birthed a mountain of shit to replace the tiny city, and when she was finally done, she hopped off the magical portal toilet and stared down at the Earth to admire her handiwork. Twilight moved in beside her, although no one below was alive to see.
"Wow, Pinkie," said Twilight. "That's a big load of shit."
"So next time I use this toilet, will the portal open up to this planet again?" Pinkie asked.
"Generally speaking, no," said Twilight. "But I can change the calibrations so that it always targets this world, if you want. As an interesting side effect, because our dimension is on a different temporal plane than this one, all the portals from all future uses of this toilet will open up at the exact same moment from their perspective! I'll set it to... one minute from now."
And then the portal closed. But exactly one minute later, identical portals opened all over the earth. Tens of thousands of portals, none of them overlapping, covering every square mile of the planet. And in every single one, there was Pinkie Pie's round pink ass, her puffy pink anus opening up to release turds of a destructively massive size onto the helpless world below. Within minutes, every surface on the Earth was buried under Pinkie Pie's shit, piled high with smelly brown Pinkie poop. After the portals closed, never to return, Earth was a brown sphere orbiting its sun, a lifeless planet of poop.
"And to think," said Twilight solemnly, "All that happened because those tiny people weren't nice to each other."
"Well," said Pinkie, "Being 'nice' on a global scale is easier said than done. I obviously don't know anything about those people, but it's entirely likely that they were driven to hostile or warlike behaviors by scarcity of resources and technological development that outpaced their moral development - not to mention the question of whether it's moral to punish individuals for actions taken by other members of their society, especially when those actions may be driven by sociopolitical forces that predate the birth of anyone currently living in that world."
"Oh Pinkie," said Twilight. "You are just so silly."