Spice on the wind

Chapters

Walking into Ponyville
a long day
once bitten
Sounds Sordid
Ommetaphobia
Wings of Liberty
This fire in my skin
The devil you know
Pursuit of releif
The end is neigh
Goodbye

Walking into Ponyville

Ah Ponyville, the sunrise was beautiful. I have no idea how I got here, but it's a breathtaking sight. I was standing in awe at the sight... I never would have thought something like this could ever happen, much less to me. I stumbled down a hill wearing a costume I had fashioned for myself because Halloween was approaching. I was going as a biker, so I wore a leather jacket, gloves, and boots, with boot-cut jeans, and a white shirt. As I came to the bottom of the hill I tripped to my hands and knees, I looked down at my hands and just inches from them... hooves. I slowly looked up to see Applejack, yes Applejack. I sat in shock, just staring at her wordlessly. She smiled awkwardly.
"Umm... Hi..." She uttered in her southern accent.
"Hi..." I responded in mine. She let out a slightly breathy chuckle.
"I'm Applejack." She said, and my jaw dropped.
"I can't believe it..." I thought aloud, sitting up.
"Welcome ta Sweet Apple Acres." She said, and I stood up scratching my head.
"THE Sweet Apple Acres?" I asked, looking around to see apple trees covered with the most delicious looking shiny red apples.
"The one and only. Why, you've heard of us?" She asked, and I had a half smile on my face.
"Yes, yes I have." I say and turn back to her.
"Our reputation precedes us. Shoot, I don't even know whacha are, much less where you're from. Must be a long way though, and you heard of the apple family?" She said, pride swelled in her voice.
"Quite frankly, yes." I said a full smile creeping along my face. "Excuse my poor manners, but I'm just... so... so shocked." I said rubbing my forehead.
"Why's that hon?" AJ asked, and it brought me to an ear to ear grin.
"I come from somewhere far away from here, and I think I'm the only one of my kind to ever see the Equestrian sunrise." I said turning and looking out over the fields.
"Well now, that there sure sounds like quite an honor." AJ says, and I rub my eye.
"It is, the only problem is... I have no idea how I got here." I say, rather open about my ignorance.

Applejack figured I seemed innocent enough, despite my size... and shape... and standing on two feet... and having feet... and hands... and my overall strange appearance in general. She decided to help me by taking me to see Twilight. We walked into Ponyville, and there was nopony (Yes! No pony) to be seen. No doubt they were hiding in their homes. I don't doubt that I must look pretty scary to them. We came up to the large tree in the center of town, seeing the door on the side AJ came up and knocked.
"Just a minute, I'll be right there." A voice said from behind the door.
"Hurry up, I have somepony I want ya ta meet. Well maybe not somepony..." AJ said with a slight laugh.
"What're you talking about?" Asked twilight, opening the door. She immediately saw my me, and an odd, and ever so slightly frightening delight came over her face. "Who is this?! What is this?! I've never seen anything like it." Said Twilight, trotting around in circles around me.
"I'm a human. Though I'm not sure exactly how I got here." I say with a shrug.
"And it can talk!" She exclaimed, stopping in front of me.
"Yes, I can. I can do a lot more than that, but for now lets focus on the talking." I said, adjusting my jacket.
"Where did you come from?" Twilight asked walking inside and waving us in. I had to duck to fit through the door, but could stand inside.
"The U.S.A." I said walking over to the bookshelves.
"The what?..." Asked AJ, and I remembered they would have no idea what that was.
"Oh, it's an acronym. It stands for the United States of America." I said, thinking of a way to explain it.
"United States of America? Very official soundin'." Said AJ, and twilight started looking through her books.
"I don't see anything like that in here." She said rummaging through her atlas.
"You won't find it in there. It's a lot further away than you would think." I said with a chuckle.
"How much further away could it be, this is a map of the whole world..." She said, and I just smirked and raised an eyebrow. Then it began to dawn on her. "Are you from another world?!" Twilight asked slamming the book shut.
"You guessed it." I nodded, and smiled.
"That explains your... odd appearance." Said AJ. "No offence." She said patting the side of my leg.
"None taken." I said with a shrug.
"There are so many things I want to ask you! What are your dietary habits? Do you have a form of government? Why do you speak perfect pony?" Twilight asked, and grabbed a ton of paper, a pen and ink.
"In order, omnivorous, Democratic-republic, and I'm not you're speaking English." I said looking through the books on the shelf.
"Care ta elaborate, sugar?" AJ asked sitting on the floor next to Twilight.
"Sure. Humans are omnivores, meaning we eat plants and animals." I said, and they both gagged. "I know, you're herbivores. Anyways on to government. We have a Democratic-republic, at least in the U.S., but around our world there's all sorts of government that do little more than tolerate each other's existence." I said pulling out a book and looking at it. Both Twilight and AJ rose an eyebrow at each other. "Finally, I speak English. A language that originated in England, another country from my world. English had become the intentional standard for my world. For some reason, you speak a language nearly identical to it." I said, and walked over to them.
"Those're some pretty hard ta swalla' stories. Your world is very different from ours." AJ said, and Twilight nodded.
"Eh, it sounds more different than it really is." I said opening the book up and reading a few lines.
"Why don't you sit? It must be exhausting standing on your hind legs for so long. I haven't seen you get down since you got here." Twilight said, motioning to a chair.
"Actually, Humans often stand on our feet all day." I said, continuing to read.
"Feet?..." Said Twilight questioningly.
"Oh right, you have hooves..." I said and untied my boot, pulling it off an showing my foot. "Humans have feet a lot like rabbits." I said sitting and holding my foot up. Then I pulled my glove off. "Also hands, very dexterous tools these." I said, holding it up.
"Like a monkey!" Said a voice from behind me. I turned to see a big pink poof of hair. Yes it was pinkie.
"Exactly, except less furry." I said with a smile.
"Hey pinkie." AJ and Twilight said.
"Hey guys! Who's my new friend?!" Pinkie asked, hopping up on the table.
"I'm a human, an alien from another world." I said, with a bit of a sly smile. There was a bit of an awkward silence.
"AAAAHHHH! WE'RE BEING INVADED!" Pinkie yelled and ran out the door. I shrugged and went on talking with Twilight and AJ, answering questions, and reading a few books.
"Wow, there's so much to ask about your world, I have to schedule some time to talk about it some more." Twilight said, marking it down on her schedule.
"Well seeing as how I have all the free time in the world, and it's not even my world, sure any time..." I said, scratching my head. "Just one thing... What'll I do in the meantime? Where will I stay?" I ask, and stand up, putting my boot and glove back on.
"Well ya can feel free to stay with the apple family down at Sweet Apple Acres, I'm sure Granny Smith won't mind." Said AJ, flipping her mane over her side.
"Or you could stay here if you'd like, I'm sure Spike wouldn't mind." Said Twilight, and I stood thinking for a moment.
"Well, I think the apple family has more room, and besides, I can help around the farm as I wait." I said, and walked over to put the book back on the shelf.
"Alright, you head on back to the farm hon, I've got something to ask Twilight." AJ said, so I gave a thumbs up, soon realizing that they have no idea what that means, and left.
"So Twilight?... Whadda ya think?" AJ asked, and Twilight put on an unsure face.
"Well... I think I need to tell Princess Celestia." Said Twilight, rolling up a paper into a scroll.
"Actually... I meant... did ya smell 'im?" AJ asked, flicking her tail to the side.
"Oh... that was him?" Twilight asked a little surprised.
"Yep, weird huh?" AJ said with an awkward smile.
"It certainly is, and intriguing. I'll have to study further into it." Said Twilight, walking upstairs.
"What exactly is that smell anyway?" Asked Applejack.
"Well to my best guess, a pheromone." Said Twilight, her horn glowing, and pulling out a book labeled "Chemicals and chemical interaction in mammals".
"Pheromone? I'm guessin' that's fancy talk for B.O." AJ said, which was surprisingly accurate.
"Close enough. I've got an idea what it might be, but I'll need to do some experiments. If he's willing I mean." Said Twilight, levitating the book toward Applejack. "Certain pheromones can be quite... stimulating." Twilight said with a slight blush.
"Well, why is it effecting us? Shouldn't it only work on human mares?" Asked Applejack, pushing the book of to the side.
"There's no way of knowing how alien anatomy works. The most we can do is study him. In the mean time, be careful around him... You never know how he or you might react." Said Twilight levitating the book in front of her.
"Right..." Said AJ.
I was walking down the streets of ponyville when I came across a familiar sight, Rarity's boutique. I walked toward the doorway, ducking obviously, and as I took not but two steps in, I heard a high pitch squeak. I looked down to see a small filly, Sweetie Belle. "Hi... "I said, and after a short awkward silence, Sweetie Belle squealed and ran into the kitchen. Seconds later I heard Rarity trying to calm her down. There was a brief argument followed by the delicate clicking of Rarity's hooves into the room.
"Ok Sweetie Belle I'm in here and nopony-" She started, but then soon met eyes with me. She opened her mouth for what I expect would have been a scream.
"Waitwaitwait!" I said. "I'm a customer." I said gesturing to her Mannequin.
"A... customer...?" She said, half with fear, half with confusion.
"Yes. A customer." I said readjusting my jacket. Rarity walked in closer, but still a ways away. "I need clothes." I said kneeling down.
"As much as I'd like to... you seem to have a different kind of fur than I'm used to." She said gesturing to my chest.
"Hmmm? Oh! No these are clothes." I said opening my jacket.
"What are you all dressed up for?" Asked rarity trotting closer.
"My people wear clothes all day, everyday." I said, and Rarity's eyes shown with sparkles, grinning from ear to ear.
"You wear clothes all day every day?!" She said sprinting up next to me.
"Yes, yes we do." I said nodding.
"It's a dream come true! I've never made clothes for your body type before so it'll be a challenge too!" She cooed, trotting in place giddily. She took in a deep breath. "Come with me!" She said pulling me by my hand into the back room. "Alright I need measurements, so take off your... whatever you call those." She said, and gestured to me.
"Alright..." I took my jacket and shirt off. I always did like going without a shirt, made me feel... unrestrained. I stood shirtless and bare foot. Rarity walked over with measuring tape, and looked me over.
"Aren't you taking these off?" She pointed to my pants.
"No, humans have something we have to cover up in there." I said scratching my head.
"Well I need your measurements; whatever it is I need those off." She said, and I was suddenly glad I wore boxers. Glowing in a blue light, the measuring tape wrapped around my bare chest. Rarity stood behind me on a step ladder, and placed a hoof on my shoulder. It's odd... Her hoof was soft, nothing like hooves on horses back home, though it being Rarity, might have just been because of her many spa sessions.
I took a moment to think since I had some free time. Since I got here I was so excited to be in such a wonderful place, my mind was just exploring the possibilities... but I'm surprised my life back home hadn't crossed my mind. I didn't have much back on earth. I had a crappy job, I had a small place, I had my classes, I had some family. I'm not saying I want to stay, I'm not saying I want to go. I mean... On the positive side, this place is a paradise, on the negative I'm alone. If I go home I can see my family, but never this war-less, and near crime-less world. If I even can get home. My mind churned with thought, so much so that I almost didn't notice Rarity had stopped measuring, and started sniffing me...
"Umm... Rarity?" I said looking back to her.
"Mmmm, mmm... Hmmm? Huh, what?!" Rarity said shaking herself from her trance. She quickly went back to measuring. I raised an eyebrow, more than a little confused. "So, umm, tell me, what business have you in Ponyville?" Rarity asked, and I looked over my shoulder.
"I'm going to be working down at Sweet Apple Acres." I said, feeling a slight tug on my shoulder as she wrapped the tape around my arm.
"Oh, with -ahem- Applejack?" Rarity said, I sensed something in her voice, but I wasn't quite sure what.
"Yep, she said I could stay down at the farm while I'm here." I said, and Rarity huffed lightly.
"All that dirt, and physical labor, you get all dirty... and sweaty." She said, wrapping the tape around my waist.
"Well it's not so bad, I actually like the idea of working with my hands." I said, and she looked up at my hands.
"Yes, they do look like they would be useful... dexterous... strong." She trailed off. "Comparatively speaking mind you." She said unwrapping the tape from around me, and hopped down to the ground. "Alright, I have your measurements, I should have an outfit ready for you by tomorrow." Said Rarity, walking in front of me. I was glad I could finally rest my arms... and put pants back on. "By the way, I've been wondering, what kind of fabulous fabric is that cover of yours?" Rarity asked as I was buckling my belt.
"Oh... umm... honestly?" I asked with a slight chuckle.
"Yes, I must know. It looks positively stunning." She said picking it up, and handing (or... would it be hoofing?) it to me. I put the shirt and jacket back on.
"Alright... it's leather." I said with a shrug. "It's made from the skin of cows..." I said scratching my head.
"Uh... Oh, well... that's certainly -ahem- different?" Rarity said nervously.
"You asked. I had to tell you." I chuckled.
"No,no, It's... Quite alright." She said with a look that was at least trying to be sympathetic.
"Twilight could probably explain it better." I said, and started for the door.
"F-feel free to come back!" She said with another nervous chuckle. Suddenly as I stepped out of the boutique I sensed an eerie... feeling, in the air. Almost as if... someone were watching me... I ignore it and continue walking when I see Pinkie wearing her nose glasses.
"Pinkie, you don't have to hide from me." I say with a smirk.
"AHHH! HE CAN SEE THROUGH DISGUISES!" Pinkie yelled and ran away. Trotting around the corner came Rainbow-Dash.
"Whoa... What's up with Pinkie?" She asked to no one in particular.
"Yeah... that was me." I shrugged. Dash turned to her left, and looked up.
"Yikes... no wonder she freaked out... What are you?" Dash asked, laughing lightheartedly.
"I am a human. A bipedal hairless ape, that, like earth ponies, are prone to using tools to do our work." I said, and she flew up to eye level with me.
"Whoa! Freaky! So wait, if you're an ape, where's your tail?" She asked flying around me.
"No, monkeys have tails, apes don't. I wish I had a tail though." I said, and put my hands in my pockets. I noticed I still had a pocket knife with me, and a pencil.
"So where are you from?" Asked Dash. I replied with a sigh, and a warm smile.
"Let's just say I'm far from home. I'm sure Twilight will be along to explain everything to the whole town soon enough." I really had no idea how to tell people I'm an alien without getting Pinkie's reaction...
"So you've met twilight already? Who else have you met, and why haven't I seen you before now?" She asked, asking as if she thought I was some kind of secret.
"Applejack, Pinkie, and Rarity know. I just got here a few hours ago." I explained, putting my hands behind my head.
"Hmm... you're pretty big, are you as strong as you look?" She asked, taking a deep breath and crossing her fore-hooves.
"Possibly, I'm not sure how strong I look to you." I said mirroring her and crossing my arms.
"Alright... then how about a race then? I won't even use my wings." Asked Dash with a bit of a cocky tone. I knew she was baiting me, I mean, who could be faster than Rainbow-Dash? Dash is literally her name. But I figured I'd try for fun.
"Alright, where to?" I asked, and her eyes lit up.
"First pony... I mean... you know what I mean. First one to Fluttershy's house wins!" She huffed, getting down on the ground beside me.
"To Fluttershy's house it is." I reply, getting ready to run.
"On three." She said. "One... two... three!" She called and without missing a beat, she took off. I started running as quick as I could, and I noticed I was faster, stronger, and more agile here than I was at home. So much so I was actually not so far behind Rainbow-Dash! Needless to say I still lost, but I was surprised. I was always healthy, but never like this! I gave a quick huff of breath, and turn to Rainbow-Dash. "You were good, not quite as good as me, but ok." She commented, flying up to me.
"Thanks, I'm surprised I was able to do that well. I'm not even that strong for a human." I said cracking my knuckles. If Dash hadn't been in the air she would have skid to a stop.
"You're what?!" She retorted, trying to grasp what I'd just said.
"Yeah, I'm alright, but I'm no pro athlete. I only play a couple sports for fun." She could have had a piano drop on her head and not cared right then. "You better watch out, I might beat you if I train hard enough. Better start training yourself." I chuckled, but she still took me seriously.
"I'm going to do that right now!" She zipped off out of sight before I could say I was kidding.
"O-oh my..." I hear from behind me, and instantly know who it is with that unmistakably adorable voice. "Umm, excuse me sir." I turned to see Fluttershy, tugging on my pant-leg. "What are you? I-I mean, if you don't mind me asking." She asked, scratching at the ground with the tip of her hoof. I sat down to be at eye level with her, and offered my hand.
"I'm a human, sort of a mix between a monkey and a bear without fur." I said trying to seem as friendly as possible.
"I've never heard of a human before." She seemed a little bit more calm, possibly because I referred to myself as an animal.
"Well I'm from a land far away, so far, that no one in all of Equestria has even heard of it." I laid on my back and looked up at the clouds.
"My goodness... that sounds like it's a long way away. You must be tired from such a long journey." She said, speaking attentively, there was no doubt in my mind that she really felt sympathetic for me.
"No, it's quite alright. I'm not tired at all." I sit up, and take off my jacket, because I was getting hot and sweaty after my race with Dash.
"Oh... Oh wow!... That's quite a strong scent you have!" She said eyes widening.
"Yeah, sorry about that, I'm all sweaty from my race with Rainbow-Dash. Is it really bad?" I sniff myself.
"No, not at all! I think it smells wonderful!" She said trotting closer and sniffing me.
"Wonderful? That's a first." I chuckled, leaning on my knees.
"It smells sweet and..." Fluttershy sniffed again. It was odd... Could I really smell that good? I didn't smell any different to myself.
"Is something wrong? You seem to be acting a bit... odd." I turn to her, now nearly touching me with her muzzle.
"I-I'm sorry, I have to go now!" She blushed dark, quickly turning and running back inside. I simply shrugged and stood up grabbing my jacket. At that moment I was glad my shirt was sleeveless, because I was burning up. Strangely enough though, when I walked back through Ponyville this time; all the doors opened as I would walk by... like they could all smell me, they stuck their muzzles out and sniffed the air. I was beginning to question what was going on, but I had figured the day was half over, and I hadn't really gotten anything done. So I headed down toward Sweet Apple Acres.
I walked all the way down to the gates of Sweet Apple. When I got there I saw Big Mac apple bucking, so I decided to go ahead and help. I walked up to Big Mac, who immediately raised an eyebrow. "Hey Big Mac?" I walked up to him.
"Uhhhyup?" He responded, questioningly.
"I've come by to help with the apples." I said, and he shrugged.
"Alright." He nodded and went back to bucking. I went up to a tree and I got to thinking, if I'm nearly as fast as Rainbow-Dash, maybe I'm strong enough to shake the apples from the trees. I stood a good ways away, and got a good start. I kicked the side of the tree, and low and behold, out shook apples. I had to be careful not to hurt myself when kicking trees. I don't have hooves like them, so I could very well break my bones if I'm not careful.
As time went on, and after dozens of trees, and tons of sweat I noticed something. My scent didn't affect Big Mac, so I got to thinking, maybe it only affects mares. Eventually Applejack came out and told us we were done for the day, and she seemed just as affected as all the others.
"So, we don't have much room up at the house, but there's plenty of room here in the barn, if that's ok with you." She looked up to me, as if expecting me to decline.
"Sounds good." I reply, thinking it'd be better to stay as far away from mares as possible.
"It does have it's advantages, it's nice and quiet, and hardly anyone comes out here. So you'll have your privacy." She said, and I got the feeling it wasn't really to me... "We'll help ya get a mattress in here after dinner, sugar cube." She trotted out of the door, with me close behind. I followed her back to the house, where I ducked through the door, and joined them for dinner. I sat at the foot of the table, next to Granny Smith and Apple Bloom. Granny Smith didn't care much, almost not at all, for my staying, so that ruled out my theory about it only affecting mares. Apple Bloom on the other hand, I couldn't tell. She just seemed like a curious little filly, which wasn't odd all things considered.
"What else can ya do with your feet?" Apple Bloom asked.
"I can pick some things up with them." I answer.
"If you're like an earth pony, are there pegasus and unicorn humans?" She asked.
"Nope, just earth humans." I answer.
"Are there lots of humans?" She asked.
"Seven billion." I answer.
"Do humans have cutie marks?" She asked.
"No, but we have tattoos." I answer.
"If there are no pegasus humans how do ya control the weather?" She asked.
"We don't, it's like the Everfree Forest, it goes on it's own." I answer.
"What about the seasons? Do ya change those?" She asked.
"Nope those change on their own too." I answer.
"What about-" Apple Bloom started, but was cut off by AJ.
"Now Apple Bloom, I'm sure he doesn't want ta spend all of his time answering questions." She scolded, and continued eating.
"No, I don't mind. I'm glad she's so curious, it's healthy; keeps the mind sharp." I said smiling to Apple Bloom, who now had a grin as wide as one you'd see on Pinkie.
I kept eating my... well I'm not sure what it was, but it had vegetables. As I ate I looked around the room, and as expected, all eyes were on me. Apple Bloom's wide with wonder, Granny's narrow with suspicion I'm guessing, Big Mac with amusement, and AJ with... a heavy lidded gaze, and a smile that you'd give your very special somepony. Though I doubt she knew she was doing it.
"So, I've been wonderin', what did ya used ta do back home?" AJ asked, taking off her hat. I stopped and thought for a minute before answering, thinking of a way to make my job sound more impressive.
"Well, I was a taskmaster. Just about anything you needed done, you come to me." I said, feeling pretty good about that, and it was true enough. In reality I was a janitor, but I always did more than just that. Going the extra mile and all.
"Ta what extent does the term 'anything' entail exactly?..." Asked Granny, giving me a look that screamed suspicion.
"Well... hmm... If you ask it I'll pretty much do it, as long as it's not, you know, wrong." I answer thinking back to a couple of times where I'd done just that.
"Does that mean if I asked you ta help me find my cutie mark, you'd do it?" Asked Apple Bloom, standing in her chair.
"Hooves off the table." AJ said, quick as a whip. Apple bloom sat back on her haunches, awaiting an answer.
"Sure, I wouldn't even charge you for it." You'd be surprised how many kids come to a friendly janitor for advice.
"Really?!" Apple Bloom hopped over the table and knocking me out of my chair. Everyone started laughing, including me. The rest of the night wasn't as eventful, but it was fun; like dinner with an actual family. I hadn't had that in years. After dinner, Big Mac and I pulled out an old mattress, and carried it out to the barn. AJ was putting Apple Bloom to bed. Mac and I carried the mattress into the back of the barn, and laid it down.
"Hey, can I ask you somethin'?" Asked Big Mac, the first time I'd heard him say more than one word all day.
"Sure ask away." I said, brushing off my hands.
"Have you noticed anythin'... strange, about Applejack?" He asked looking up to me, which I'm sure he's not used to.
"Well, I have noticed her, and her friends are acting a little strange. Some were even sniffing me." I recalled, sitting down on the mattress. Big Mac leaned his head in and sniffed me.
"I don't smell anything." He said, raising an eyebrow.
"Neither can I, but apparently they can." I scratched my head. "I'm going to ask Twilight about it tomorrow." I said, laying back.
"Alright, but in the meantime, be careful around Applejack, and the others." He said turning and trotting off. I laid looking up at the roof of the barn and just thinking, as I have always done. I just thought about my life, and all that I'd done, and how none of it really mattered, because here I have a fresh start... I could be anybody... or I guess anypony... and on that I drifted to sleep.

a long day

I slept, but as always, I had only nightmares. I hadn't had a dream in years. I thought, maybe since I was in this whole new world... but no, that hasn't changed. All that... horror, in my head. It never goes, but then I wake up, and the world reabsorbs me. The light breaks through to my face, and I feel the warmth of the Equestrian sun. A light smile graced my face. I curl my arm around the form beside me, and as I roll over I smell apples in her hair...
That's when I remember I went to bed alone.
I open my eyes, and everything was a blur, but as it came into focus, a familiar shape was curled in my arm.
"Apple bloom?" Confused, I picked her up, and gently shook her awake.
"Hey... Hey kiddo..." I held her up, and she started to yawn.
"Is it mornin' already?" She asked rubbing her eye.
"Yeah, it is. Care to tell me what you're doing in my bed?" I asked, holding her by her crest.
"I had a nightmare." She said nervously.
"So you ran out of the safety of your house, into the dark. Instead of sleeping with AJ, or Big Mac, you run to a stranger?" I asked, not believing her for a minute, but not sure what to think.
"Well... I... feel safest with you." She said innocently, and I couldn't help but grin.
"Alright, I'll let you off with a warning, but don't do that again. I'd hate having to explain it to Applejack... or worse, Big Mac." I shuddered at the thought. "From now on... just go sleep with Applejack when you have a nightmare. Alright?" I set her down, and put my hand in my pocket.
"Mmhmm!" She nodded and trotted off. I accredit what just happened to my scent, which apparently did affect her... Though not in a way I had expected, obviously.
I brushed myself off, and took off my jacket. I had always slept with my clothes on, but last night it was for warmth. I had even kept my shoes on. With a warm day and a cool breeze however, now was the time to get a good sweat going. I took off my shoes, and shirt, and climbed up to the support beams in the barn with a bit of my new-found strength. I curled my legs over the beam, and started counting my crunches.
I could do over double what I used to. As I pulled myself up I could feel my sweat drip down to the floor, but no drip ever sounded. I look up (or would it be down?) to see standing under me was Applejack.
"Oh, uhh... don't mind me. Just keep on with whatever you're doing." She said with a nervous laugh.
"It's fine, I'm done anyways. Was there something you needed?" I hung down from the beam with one hand.
"I was just wonderin' if you'd want to have breakfast with us is all." She smiled, and I dropped down from the rafters. Landing in front of her, I quickly wiped the sweat from my brow.
"Sure thing, I could go for something to eat." I walked over to my bed, and grabbed my clothes.
"You're gonna put those back on?" She sounded a mixture of confused and a little disappointed.
"Yeah, humans usually feel... indecent without clothes on. Going without a shirt or shoes is fine, but not for an extended time in front of strangers." I put my shirt on and hung my jacket over my shoulder.
"Ponies don't often wear clothes unless it's a special occasion." She walked up beside me taking a deep breath and letting out a sigh.
"Yes but remember humans don't have a lot of fur, clothes are essential to us." I said, and we turned to start walking toward the door, luckily I didn't have to duck though this one.
"Ya do have your mane, and some on your muzzle though." She said matter-o-factly. "Yeah, I can't exactly explain why without going into human culture, but we have to." I chuckled, opening the door for her.
"Well, I wouldn't want to insult your society, so I'll leave it be." She walked out with me shortly behind her. We came to the house, which was hard to distinguish from a barn itself, and sat at the table. Apple Bloom was already finished eating, which made me wonder how long Applejack was watching me.
We sat down, talked and ate. Soon I came to the realization that I'll need to find a way to make money. Applejack brought up my title as "Taskmaster", and how that spread around town would be a pretty good way to make money.
"Taskmaster's service? Actually doesn't sound half bad." I scratched my chin, putting my jacket on the back of the chair.
"Yeah, we could plaster your name all... over... Ponyville... I can't believe I never asked ya your name." AJ said surprised with herself. I could be anybody... anypony. I didn't need to be who I used to be, I could even give myself a new name.
"...Well everypony around town knows me as the hairless ape... Except Fluttershy, who knows me as a bear/monkey." I said, trying to avoid my name.
"True, but we can't rightly hang up a sign sayin' 'Hairless Ape Taskmaster' now can we?" She said, with a light laugh, and with that came a knock on the door.
"I'll get it." I said, and quickly walked to the door. As I opened it, the familiar figure of a light blue pegasus stood in front of me.
"There you are!" Rainbow-Dash exclaimed. "I need you to do something." She grabbed my hand pulling me out the door.
"Ok! OK! Later AJ!" I stumbled out after her, nearly hitting my head on the door frame, and saw Applejack shaking her head and laughing. Dash pulled me out to a table with two chairs. "You want me to do what exactly?" I sat in the chair, and her across from me.
"Hoof wrestle me... or would it be called hand wrestle?" She asked, putting her fore-hoof up on the table.
"Actually humans call it arm wrestling, but to answer, you got yourself a challenge." I said, positioning my arm, and grabbing her hoof.
"Yes! We go on three. One... twothree!" She said and caught me off guard; I probably should have expected it though. I held my own easier than I thought; Dash started to push my arm down, but I actually began to recover. Not only did I recover, but I turned the tables. I looked down to see my bicep actually rippling. I force Dash's hoof down, and I noticed at that moment I was even stronger than I was yesterday.
"Wha... wha... WHAT?!" Rainbow-Dash stood in shock, she wasn't expecting me to win. She probably came to test out her training.
"Wow, I guess I'm even stronger than I thought." I looked at my arm, and the muscle really looked better than it used to.
"Whoa, human muscles really stick out." She said placing a hoof on my arm.
"Like I said, we're apes; apes display their muscles, to intimidate others, and attract mates." I flexed my muscle and shrugged.
"Well it's working." She said, and soon realized how it sounded.
"I-I-I mean, I'm intimidated!" She blushed and chuckled nervously.
"Well I could imagine I look pretty scary to you." I rubbed the back of my head.
"Scary? You? Nah, nothing scary smells like you." She said, punching (...or would it be kicking?) my shoulder.
"You know, I've been meaning to ask; what exactly do I smell like? Because a couple ponies have mentioned that." I leaned back in the chair.
"Oh... umm... you kind of smell... how do I put it... spicy. Like a sort of, sweet musk." She took a sniff, and it became obvious, if not by what she said, then by the blush on her face, my scent affected her too.
"Hmm... duly noted. Well if you don't need anything more, I just remembered I have to go see Twilight about something." I hopped up out of my seat and rested my arms behind my head.
"Go ahead, but I'll be back for my rematch!" She pointed at me. "Sure thing Dash, looking forward to it!" I chuckled, and started running. Fast. Very fast. I leaped up over a sign, and used it to vault onto a rooftop. The houses were short, but it was still impressive. From there I just ran across roofs, leaping from building to building. Finally landing in front of Twilight's house, and knocked on the door.
As I waited for Twi, I started to hum... then sing... it was completely voluntary, but I was compelled to for some unknown reason. Then I heard Pinkie singing nearby, and chalked it up to the strange occurrences in this world. If someone is singing, you not only feel compelled to join, but also know the words and tune to the song...
After Pinkie's song ended, the compulsion to sing ended, but now I couldn't stop thinking of songs I'd listen to back home. I actually started singing "Love me Cheerilee". Half way through the song the door opened, and Spike gave me a weird look.
"O-oh... umm... Hi Spike." I chuckled, and stood with my hands in my pockets.
"You must be that new guy in town, huh?" Spike looked up with an expression that just said 'Crap, you're huge!'.
"Yep, that'd be me." I said ducking and walking in.
"Go ahead and have a seat, Twilight'll be back soon." Spike had to jog a little to keep up with my large steps.
"Forgive me if I stare. I've never seen a dragon before." I said, smiling, and sitting on the floor.
"There aren't dragons where you came from?" Spike asked, pulling up a chair and sitting in front of me.
"Well actually I don't know. We had legends that dragons existed hundreds of years ago, but if they did exist they're extinct now." I said, with a sigh.
"Extinct? Dragons? How is that possible?" Asked Spike, and I just shook my head shamefully.
"Truthfully? The legends say the bravest, and strongest of us humans would hunt them down, and slay them in the name of honor." I said, leaning on my hand.
"Humans slay dragons? You're big, but not dragon slaying big." He said, not buying it.
"We didn't have to be big, we were smart. We built suits of armor, and weapons, specifically made for dragon slaying. So if dragons ever did exist, then humans have a lot of sins to repent for... or even more than we thought." I pulled out my pocket knife, rolling it between my fingers.
"Well why would they hunt dragons anyways?" Asked Spike, probably more than a bit confused, after all genocide was unheard of here.
"Well... they supposedly ate us." I said, and scratched my head.
"Ate you? Why would we do that?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Treat someone like a monster long enough, they just might start to believe it." I answered, and as I did Twilight walked in.
"Oh good! You're here! I was just wanting to do some experiments with you!" She said trotting up next to Spike.
"Yeah, it's all she talked about yesterday." He retorted with a chuckle, and Twilight nudged him.
"Experiments? Sure, I'm all for the advancement of science." I said, standing up.
"Great! Follow me." Twi said, trotting into the next room, so I followed.
"This is called the astral amplifier, it increases the strength of certain spells." She said, and levitated what looked like a longer wooden version of her horn in front of me. "I asked Princess Celestia if it would be alright if I borrowed it, and she said given the circumstances it would be fine." She slid it down over her horn, and the glow changed from it's usual pink/purple glow, to a deep midnight blue.
"Wait a second... you told Princess Celestia there was an alien on your world, and she didn't come herself to investigate?" I asked, surprised by the idea that she wouldn't mind me running around Ponyville.
"Yes, she said she was dealing with something extremely important, and trusted I could handle it." She said with pride in her voice.
"Alright, understandable... but on to the matter at hand. Exactly what spell will you be preforming on me?" I asked, only partially worried.
"First I'm going to try an examination spell. It's usually used for medical magic, but for us it'll be a way to dissect your anatomy." She explained, and my stomach started to feel queasy.
"Please, I request you refrain from using the term dissect when referring to me, unless you would enjoy cleaning up my breakfast." I covered my mouth and hiccuped as my stomach turned.
"Sorry." Twilight chuckled.
"I guess you'd prefer the term examination then." She said, and I nodded.
"Alright, no sense in wasting time, let's get to it." She said, and her horn glowed deep blue. I started to levitate, and I felt magic rush through me. At first it felt kind of cool to float in the air, but after a few minutes I felt what was like liquid fire run through my body. It wasn't painful, quite thrilling actually, but from the look on twilight's face, I could tell something was wrong. After a moment I noticed it, she wasn't using her magic anymore, but I was still levitating. After a few seconds I dropped to the ground, and saw steam rising from my skin.
"What just happened...?" I managed to mutter, and regretted saying it. My throat felt like sandpaper. I stood up wobbly and gained my balance by grabbing hold of the bookshelf.
"I haven't felt energy like that since..." Twilight stopped wondering just what happened.
"Since what?" I asked, getting a glass of water.
"Since we sealed discord away using the elements of harmony..." She looked as if she'd seen a ghost.
"So, what, do I have some connection to discord then?" I asked confusedly.
"No, you have a connection to the elements of harmony, but not our elements of harmony... Why is your shirt glowing?" Twilight extended a hoof toward my chest, and I looked down to see a white light fade from my torso.
I took off my shirt, and saw, lo-and-behold a cutie mark... on a human.
In the center of my chest was a book with a star over it. "Umm... I think I'm the first human ever to have a cutie mark." I said bemusedly, but in a gruff and still pained voice.
"That cutie mark... I've seen it before." She pulled the astral amplifier off her horn, and walked over to the bookshelf. Then levitated a book in front of her, and flipped through the pages. "Here. That was the same cutie mark as the great Solemn Oath. He was said to be among the wisest of ponies in history. King Solemn's cutie mark represented his search for wisdom." She read from the book, and I couldn't help but think "Am I seriously supposed to believe that my destiny is to just be wise?" . I'm not even that wise. I mean sure I gave people advice, but I'm still just a janitor.
"He amazed thousands with his wisdom, especially because he started as a simple farm pony." Twilight said, and caught my attention. "As an earth pony, he wasn't viewed as one that would be a source of wisdom at his time, but eventually came to give counsel to even Starswirl the bearded." Twilight said, and then I started to rethink it's meaning.
"Greatness from small beginnings..." I nod, and my throat started to feel better. "This is all very interesting, but what does it mean?" Asked Twilight, trotting over.
"Only one way to find out... more tests." I said, dusting off and getting ready.
I spent hours with Twilight, after several dozen tests and a letter to the Princess, come noon I was already exhausted. I had done more before noon, than I usually do all week. The worst part was the physical tests, not because they were hard, but because they made me sweat and... affected twilight, which made it hard to concentrate on the task at hand. We stopped testing to break for lunch, and there was a knock on the door. Spike answered it, and in came Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Rarity.
"Hey Pinkie, have you stopped panicking every time you see me?" I asked, with a smile.
"Yep! Fluttershy, Rainbow-Dash, and Rarity explained everything." Pinkie, said hopping around the room.
"W-we came becau-" Fluttershy was cut off by Pinkie.
"Whoa! You smell amazing!" Pinkie had appeared on my head. She wasn't heavy, but it was uncomfortable having her hooves wrapped around my neck, and on the back of my head.
"Yes... about that... Twilight?" I said patting Pinkie on the head.
"You see, we did some tests, and apparently in his bodily oils he secrets a pheromone that affects mares within a certain age. If you smell it, then it gives you a slight endorphin rush, and not only makes you trust him, but attracted to him as well." Twilight said, and everyone blushed except me and Pinkie.
"Oh how weird!" Pinkie took in deep breaths. "It makes me want to just sleep in your hair." Everyone in the room was now looking at Pinkie...
"Moving on..." Said spike, breaking the awkward silence.
"Like I was saying, we're here because we heard Twilight was making an announcement today." Fluttershy said, walking up to my feet.
"Ah, I almost forgot! I was going to tell everyone in town about your welcoming party." Twilight said, and Pinkie jumped up.
"The welcoming party I'll be throwing!" Pinkie said, leaning over my head and looking me in the eye.
"A famous Pinkie pie party? Sounds fun." I looked down to Fluttershy.
"I suspect everyone will be there?" I kneel down.
"Of coarse! Everyone's invited to your welcoming party. You can even wear the outfit I designed!" Rarity said, flipping her hair fabulously.
"Speaking of, I was going to ask when I'm going to have to pay for that, because I won't have money until people start hiring me." I crossed my legs, and unconsciously started petting Fluttershy on the head.
"O-oh, I was u-unaware you had a job." Fluttershy seemed to be enjoying the petting.
"Yep, I'm a Taskmaster. I'll do just about anything you need done. From fixing your roof, to running errands, or even babysitting." I started scratching Fluttershy behind the ears.
"O-or giving m-massages?" Fluttershy asked, getting weak at the knees (or... elbows?). "Well I could, but I think I'd have to take it up with the spa twins first." I said, looking up.
"Well, feel free to pay whenever you have the time, or of coarse you could always work off the debt in the boutique with me." Rarity trotted over and swished her tail.
"A job doing anything sounds like it could be very demanding. Is it normal for humans to have jobs like that?" Twilight asked, pulling up a chair and sitting down.
"Not to many of us, but I'm one of the people who takes pride in my work." I pet Fluttershy between her wings, she let out a breathy moan, and her wings flew open. At that the room fell silent. Fluttershy's face turned bright red, and she hid behind me. At that I realized that it was my fault, and laughed. Pinkie decided to interject here, and jumped off my head.
"Wait a second! If you'll do anything, what if I hired you to party with me all day?" Pinkie sat in front of me.
"Heck, I'd do that for free." I chuckled, and ruffled her hair.
"Really?! Pinkie promise?!" She did a back-flip.
"Cross my heart, and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." I said covering my eye, as was tradition, and Pinkie's eyes were wide with surprise.
"You already knew how to Pinkie promise?!" She said questioningly, and everyone in the room looked at me in amazement.
"Come to think of it... You knew a lot about Ponyville, and Equestria for that matter." Twilight said, raising an eyebrow.
"How could you know all those things, when you just got here?" Rarity asked, a little less accusingly than the others.
"Umm... It is a little odd..." Fluttershy said, poking her head out from behind me.
"Oh, yes, right... you see... The truth is... Where I come from... We watched your adventures on a device called a television. We just thought it was fiction." I said hoping the universe wouldn't explode upon telling them.
"So, where you come from, there's a dimensional window into our world?" Twilight said with amazement.
"Well yes... but I was worried telling you would make the universe collapse." I said, and obviously it didn't as everything was still alive.
"Are all humans so paranoid? Magic opens holes between dimensions all the time." Twilight giggled.
"Really? Well that's how I can tell you about the name of your mail-mare without even meeting her... by the way it's Ditzy 'Derpy Hooves' Doo. A muffin obsessed pegasus, with bubbles for a cutie mark." I said and now everyone was wide eyed.
"That's... so... cool!" Pinkie cheered, pulling out a cake (from where I don't know) and setting it down in front of me.
"So this will be the first human welcoming party EVER!" Pinkie didn't explain the connection between the two, but we didn't ask. "It's going to be HUGE!" Pinkie seemed even more giddy than usual.
"I don'-" I started but was cut off by Rainbow-Dash bursting in.
"You! I want my rematch!... What's everyone doing here?" She stopped, flying just in front of my face.
"We're discussing my welcome party." I answered, and was given a smiling glare in return.
"Oh, well buster, you'll have to let them take care of it, I need you!" She said with surprising vigor, pushing me out the door. This time I did bump my head.
"Alright, this time we run to the edge of the Everfree Forest!" She positioned herself, ready to begin. I decided this time to take off my shoes, and shirt for the run; I wouldn't want to drench them down to much. "Alright... Onetwothreego!" She took off fast as a bullet. This time I anticipated her quick start, and started with her. I was more than surprised, I was astounded by my own abilities.
I was passing Rainbow-Dash!
Of coarse she was on hoof, but still a feat to marvel!
We had run faster than ever;
feeling the thrilling rush of adrenalin;
each powerful motion of our muscles;
each bead of sweat sliding down our bodies,
all leading up to the last few seconds, and the desperate need to finish...
When suddenly we reached the end of the race.
Dash skid to a stop, I unable to do so, rolled over my shoulder and stood, and I could hardly believe it.
"I won?" I said questioningly.
"How did you get so fast in just a day?!" Rainbow-Dash Zipped over, and stared me in the face.
"Honestly? I didn't. Twilight said that the magic in this world is not only bringing me to peak physical condition, I will soon have the bone density and strength equal to that of an earth pony of my size." I said, flexing my bicep as demonstration.
"In other words I'm a superhuman." I said, and at that moment I noticed Dash's eyes as she stared in wonder at me.
"So cool... I-I mean that's alright, if you like... awesomeness, and all." She crossed her fore-hooves, and tried to look cool, a blush escaping onto her face.
"Well I'm not that great; I mean look at you, you're Rainbow-Dash, you invented the sonic rain-boom. I may be tough, but there's no comparing to that." I said, meshing my fingers behind my head.
"Oh stop, I'm not that great." She said, her blush deepening.
"No I'm serious, no one says swag like Rainbow-Dash. You're cool incarnated, dying, and reincarnated 20% cooler." I said with the warmest smile I could muster.
Suddenly I felt something soft and warm against my face. Then I feel steamy breath against my skin, and a hoof behind my head. When I quickly open my eyes I see Rainbow-Dash's closed eyes, I slowly realize...
I'm being kissed.
This was unexpected... it feels... blissful, soothing even... other than my feeling of utter shock that is. She pressed her chest to mine, and her fur rubbed smoothly against my skin. Then she broke the kiss, and opened her eyes.
"Whoa... Now THAT was awesome." Said Dash, giggling with her eyes seductively half open. She was barely flapping her wings enough to keep her up, in fact they looked stiff. She started to land, but her knees gave out, and she fell flat.
I was still so shocked I hadn't even reacted since the kiss broke. Eventually I shook myself back into reality.
"Umm... Wow... that was..." My voice cracked a little. "That was unexpected." I said, and I could still feel Dash's sweat still sticking to my chest. I cleared my throat and sat down. Dash stood up wobbly, and walked over leaning on my shoulder.
"Yeah, I didn't expect the day to turn out this way either, but hey, I'm not complaining." She giggled, and I awkwardly chuckled.
"Will you be able to walk back to Ponyville...?" I ask eyeing her wobbly legs.
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Just give me a minute." She said flapping her wings and fanning herself.
"No, no. Allow me." I said, wrapping my arms around her, curling her legs underneath her, and lifting her up. I was trying to be as gentlemanly as possible, but given the circumstance the protocol was hazy. She curled her head into the crook of my arm, and I carried her about halfway back to Ponyville before she insisted on flying.
The whole way I started wondering what had just happened. At first I was just thinking about her being a pony, but it's not like she's an animal, more like another race. Then I thought about how this might effect the others. After Rainbow Dash started to fly, all noise seemed to muffle, and a light cough escaped my lips. The light cough grew was then accompanied by blurred vision. The eerie feeling of being watched came back as I rubbed my eyes.
"Hey... are you ok?" Dash asked, and everything cleared. I was fine, not even a tickle in my throat.
"Oh, yeah. I'm fine." I said, and Dash flew just over head.
"You sure, that cough sounded rough." She said, concernedly.
"Yeah, I'm perfectly fine." I reassured her. In reality I was actually very worried. That felt like there was oil in my lungs, and then it was just... gone...
Later at my welcoming party, I decided to tell Twilight what had happened, maybe she can make sense of everything.
"So Rainbow-Dash kissed you, and you felt sick?" She asked, at we waded through the crowd of ponies flooding the streets of Ponyville. Pinkie thought it'd be fun to make my welcoming party a block party.
"No, there was a pretty good amount of time between the two. I don't think they're connected." I waded through the endless sea of mares welcoming me to town, and only a few stallions.
"So it seems the more you sweat the more you affect others around you." Twilight cantered next to me.
"And the coughing?" I found myself constantly looking over my shoulder, what for, I don't know.
"You seem kind of jumpy, is everything alright?" Twi tilted her head curiously.
"Everything's fine- have you ever felt like someone's watching you?" I said quickly, deterring from her question.
"Hmm? Watching me? Why?" Twilight stopped in her tracks.
"I just have this feeling... that I'll turn around and somebody will be there." I said, looking down to her.
"You mean somepony." She said correctively. "No, somebody..." I said more grimly than I would have liked.
"You mean a human? Here?" Twilight looked confused.
"I think you're getting paranoid." Twi smirked up at me.
"You're probably right." I sighed. "Now that I think about it, it's probably just because I haven't taken my medicine in a few days." I said, unfortunately not noticing I hadn't told Twi about needing medicine.
"What medicine?" Twi asked more concerned than curious.
"Huh? Oh! Uhh.. t's really nothing, I took medicine back home that helped me stay calm." I said trying to brush it off.
"If you took medicine for it, it's not nothing!" Twi said, her expression slightly angry.
"Why didn't you tell me about this?!" Twi started but was followed by Vinyl Scratch spinning her next record. I had to speak louder to talk over the music.
"Because I'm fine, I doubt the meds even worked anyways." I tried to smile, but Twi's glare however killed my hopes of calming her.
"You know that's a lie." She shook her head.
"What's a lie?" Asked Applejack, and I knew hope of escape was lost.
"He says he doesn't need his medicine, medicine he had to take back home." Twi turned to Applejack.
"Oh really?" AJ gave me a look that I would translate as 'you're about to get a whoopin' you ain't gonna forget'.
"Ladies, it's fine really. I've done fine since I got here right?" I said straightening my jacket. You have to give it to Rarity, for somepony who's never made human clothes, these looked absolutely marvelous.
"That may be true now, but it won't be forever." Twilight said, and I kneel down to eye level.
"I'm perfectly fine, and if you insist on doing something; it can wait until tomorrow. Right now we're at a Pinkie Pie party. Have fun." I smiled at them.
"Fine, but we're gonna talk about this first thing tomorrow mornin'." AJ said, half smiling, and twilight didn't say anything, she just nodded. As they walked away, I looked up to DJ-pon3 who was raising her shades. I shrugged, and she laid down a new record with a wink. The night went on, we partied on, and all had a pretty good time; better than any party back home. That's when I first decided, if this is my life, I don't want to go home. It may seem a little hasty after just two days... but I was genuinely happy here. Whatever caused me to be here I am curious, but I wouldn't go back. I started to feel content with that, but then asked myself, what exactly do I want to stay for?
The happiness?
The friends?
The power?
Am I just being selfish?
Most of all, I wondered... Do I really belong here?

once bitten

Author's note: Am I the only one who can't stop reading Fluttershy's lines in her voice?

As I awoke I noticed something wasn't where it was supposed to be. It seemed that I had woken up at someone else's home. After you Pinkie party, feels a lot like after you get hit by a truck going 80... and craving sweets. I wiped my face, and tried with difficulty to open my eyes.
I was on Fluttershy's couch. I stand up, and brush my drool from the side of my face, reluctantly noticing that I am in my boxers. I look around the room, and try to remember the night before, one sign of a good party I'm told. I look down to see Angel with his paws crossed.
"Hey Angel, do you know where my clothes are?" I asked, rubbing my chin. Before I knew it Angel had tossed a pan at my head. I shook my head, and glared down at him. I put on a soft smile, and got down on my knee.
"You know Angel, we humans eat rabbits." I said letting an ominous smile creep across my face. At first he wasn't fazed but after I licked my lips he started to crack. My evil laugh set him over the edge and he ran off. I'd wanted to do that since I saw him slap Fluttershy in putting your hoof down.
After Angel left I stood up and walked into the kitchen. Fluttershy stood there cooking breakfast; her usual smile dawning her face.
"Morning Fluttershy." I said, and she squeaked.
"O-oh, good morning. Did my singing wake you? I'm sorry." She said, and turned back to the refrigerator.
"No, I didn't even hear you singing, and even if I had, your voice is soft and soothing, it would have put me back to sleep." I said, looking around the room.
"Oh you're too kind." She said, putting a plate in front of me.
"By the way, do you know what happened to my clothes?" I asked, and Fluttershy put her hoof to her mouth.
"Well, you see. You had spilled a lot of cider on yourself, so I took them off you to clean them." She answered, I couldn't help but feel weird. I had been undressed by a girl I'd met just days ago.
"So I guess that cider really is alcoholic." I rubbed my head as I could hear my pulse in my ears pounding incessantly.
"Well how else would it froth at the top like it does?" Fluttershy asked, and it was a good question, one I didn't have the answer to.
I started to eat, thinking about how hard it was when each chew was so loud in my head. As we finished eating Fluttershy walked me outside where my clothes hung on a wire.
"Thanks for washing them for me, honestly I don't know how I got along without all of you." At times like this I really didn't.
"You don't have to thank me, you already did yesterday." She said with a blush.
"I did?" I said, not remembering much from last night.
"Yes you gave me the most wonderful massage. I told you you didn't have to, but you insisted." She said, rubbing her hoof against her leg.
"Hmm... Well I'm not sure what to think of that." I said, mostly to myself.
"Well you did have a lot of drinks, and apparently you're an affectionate drunk." She trotted up beside me as I slid my pants on. That was good to know, but just what I was thinking with the massage was beyond me.
"What exactly all happened last night?" I asked, rubbing my temples and trying to subside the pain.
"Mostly we were just having fun is all, but then you started an, oh what did you call it, arm wrestling competition." She answered recalling the events from last night. "You beat everyone except Big mac." She said, and I thought "Dang... Still not strong enough to beat Big Mac. If I didn't know better I'd think he's from Texas..." but shook my head.
"Twilight told everyone where you came from, and then you got into double arm wrestling ponies." She said as I put on the fantastic jacket. "After that you broke out into song with Pinkie." Fluttershy sat beside me.
"Wait... I sang? Oh good God almighty... please tell me I wasn't embarrassingly bad." I facepalmed.
"No not at all, you were quite good out there with Pinkie. Everyone was cheering ." She looked up at me.
"What did I sing about?" I slipped on my gloves.
"I think I can recall a few lines." She cleared her throat.

"Back home we have saying, home is where the heart is, but I really must disagree.
Back home we have a saying, Home is where your head rests, but that just doesn't feel like me.
Back home there was chaos, trouble and misfortune, as if we had our own Discord!
Back home there were disasters, prejudice and hatred, the likes of which you've never seen before!
But here in Equestria, you're all friends, your biggest problem was a family feud!
Just here in Equestria, where even I am welcome, even though you all walk out in the nude...

From soaring heights, to gleaming shores.
I see people walk on all fours.
The sunsets make fantastic views.
If you were to ask me to stay,
how could I refuse?

Only here in Equestria, with cities in the clouds!
I do still miss America, but who really needs the crowds?
Even Rainbow-Dash, controls all the weather, and makes sonic rain-booms!
Where as in America, the only clouds we ever made, was shaped like a mushroom."

She sang it in an such an upbeat tone, it was heard to believe I'd thought of it.
"Wow, that was better than I'd expect from me." I let out a light laugh.
"You don't give yourself enough credit. You really are quite talented." Fluttershy patted my leg.
"Maybe you're right, but I know my singing is bad." I shook my head, walking back inside. A couple of squirrels ran by me, hiding somewhere among the many stowaways in the house.
"I think you sounded terrific." Fluttershy walked up behind me.
"Weird..." I said, looking the room over.
"You don't sound weird at all." Fluttershy meekly protested.
"No, not that. I just... I non't know. I think I'm forgetting something." I said, and no sooner than I finished, my ears started ringing. Fluttershy was saying something, but it was muffled, but I could see her lips moving. My own coughing sounded just as muffled; like I was under water. It stopped as suddenly as it started.
"A-are you sick? That cough sounded terrible!" Fluttershy flew up and put a hoof on my forehead.
"I'm fine. Everyone worries at the slightest cough." I reached up and held her hooves.
"Nonsense. I know when an animal sounds sick, and that was not healthy." She said, shaking her head.
"Now you sit down while I make you some soup." I'd almost forgotten about assertive Fluttershy, she was still cute and attentive, but you'll do what she says one way or another. So to avoid the 'another' option, I sat down on the couch.
"Alright, you know best I guess." I reply.There was the sound of shuffling pots in the kitchen. My ears started ringing again, and I covered my mouth, trying to keep my coughing quiet, maybe Fluttershy wouldn't hear it. As I pulled my head up, it looked my hands were covered in a grey liquid. I turned my head to the kitchen seeing the blurred image of Fluttershy walking toward me. I look back down at my hands to see the liquid gone.
"Is something wrong?" Fluttershy's voice was clear as crystal.
"Nothing, I was just wondering what else happened yesterday." I lied, in reality I was thinking about how my hallucinations.
"Oh, -ahem- that reminds me. You did something else at the party worth mentioning." She slid the bowl in front of me, and looked off to the side.
"What would that be?" I asked taking a spoonful and sipping it.
"You... Umm... Well... kissed Rarity." She said, and I nearly swallowed my spoon.
"I did what?" I asked under my breath.
"You made a bet that you could drink more cider than Pinkie and lost. So you had to kiss Rarity." She blushed lightly, scratching the floor with her hoof.
I have now officially kissed two ponies... what that means exactly I have no idea. At that I asked myself; is it wrong to like a sentient species besides your own? Added the fact that it's in the form of a known animal species. All in all, I think it's the mind that matters, and their minds are in fact the same as a human's. I doubted for a moment on my own decisions, but I digress.
"So I've kissed two ponies now... Back home, the things they would call me." I shook my head laughing at the thought.
"Two?" Fluttershy asked, and I felt the need to explain myself.
"Yes, there was an incident in which an impromptu race became a kiss with Rainbow-Dash." I cleared my throat anxiously.
"Oh. Oh my..." Fluttershy covered her mouth with a hoof, her face flushing profusely.
"It was probably just because my sweat had given me such a strong scent." I said waving my hands in front of me.
"I-it's perfectly fine. I'm sure you're right." The look on her face was that unmistakable look of someone who's happy... for you. It was painful really, I couldn't just sit there.
"Both instances were caused by a form of intoxication." I said sitting on the floor beside her.
"You don't have to explain yourself to me. I'm your friend after all." She said, her smile was adorable, you'd just want to pick her up and give her a hug. I wanted to myself, but it would have been awkward given the context. I opened my mouth to speak but was interrupted by a knock at the door.
"Excuse me a moment." Fluttershy trotted over to the door, and I decided to walk into the kitchen. I heard the door open, and then a voice.
"Good evening madame. I was wondering if you might have seen someone around this area, you see I'm searching for an old friend of mine." Said the voice, it sounded deep, suave, but 'unpolished' as if it were a voice forced upon him.
"A friend? Well there are lots of animals around here, what did your friend look like?" Fluttershy asked in her soft delicate sounding voice.
"Oh he's quite unmistakable. He would stick out like a sore hoof here in Ponyville." The voice said, and I go the feeling he was looking for me, but I wasn't sure just yet, especially since I didn't know whoever it was at the door.
"You wouldn't happen to be looking for a human would you?" Fluttershy asked, and a lump formed in my throat.
"Yes, a human. So you have seen him." The voice said, the tone seemed more foreboding.
"Yes I have, h-he was here not so long ago." She said, needless to say I was confused; what reason would Fluttershy have to lie?
"Do you know in which direction he might have gone?" Every sentence he said seemed to grow more... sinister.
"He didn't say, b-but I think he might have gone out on a job." She answered, her voice grew more uneasy.
"Right, his 'Taskmaster' service, I heard about that. Thank you for your assistance, it was much appreciated. Have a nice day." He said, and the door closed. I peeked around the corner to see Fluttershy shivering and staring at the door.
"Who was it?" I ask, walking up to her. Without a moment's hesitation, she flew up an buried her face in my chest. She cried lightly, squeaking out a stream of words indistinguishable from her sobs.
"Whoa, hey, it's ok. Just tell me what's wrong." I said, wrapping my arms around her letting her rest her wings.
"I-I-I could feel it, in his eyes." She said soaking my jacket with her tears.
"Everything's fine, he can't hurt you. I'm here." I whispered softly, carrying her over to the couch.
"They were like fire..." She said her muzzle buried in my chest.
"He's gone, you're safe now." I petted her behind her ears, it seemed to comfort her. After a long moment she looked up at me with those captivating light blue eyes.
"Do you really know him?" She asked, the words pleaded me to say no.
"No, but he apparently knows me." I said, my hand running through her hair.
"That pony was evil." She said with such certainty, it was likely because she was so terrified, but what about one pony could have been so scary?
"What was so scary about him anyhow?" I ask as I pet her.
"I-I don't know. I could just feel it. In the air, in his smile, his voice." She recalled, it looked painful for her.
"Maybe I should go after him?" I thought out loud, and felt a tug on my jacket.
"Please don't leave me." She was on the brink of tears again.
"Shh, don't worry, I won't go anywhere." I sat there holding her, we didn't even speak. After she had calmed down, she brought her head back up, and smiled at me.
"Thank you for staying with me." She said, her voice quivering lightly.
"It's the least I could do." I said, with my typical warm smile. Her cheeks burned red, and her eyelids got heavy. The look was familiar, I'd seen it before. It was only confirmed by her leaning in. But how would I react to it? I noticed everything getting gradually darker, my eyes are closing. I'm leaning in. Am I really going to... Before I even finish the thought, i could feel her soft lips meet mine. she tasted sweet, like strawberries. Her lips subtly parted, and the taste was even more pronounced on her tongue. Our tongues danced together gracefully. I felt her hoof press on my chest, as she slowly pulled away. I opened my eyes at the same moment as her, and her face was as red as the setting sun.
"I-I'm so sorry! I-I didn't mean to! I mean... I did but-" Her voice became little more than a squeak.
"No, no, it's ok, it takes two to tango." I said, and when she looked up at me I realized they probably don't tango here...
"It's not like you did anything wrong." I said, rubbing my thumb to my chin.
"But... what about Rainbow-Dash?" She asked, the question has probably been bothering her for a while, but it didn't even dawn on me. The look on my face must have changed, because her's was one of confirmation. What exactly did this kiss mean; what did the one with Dash mean? At least with the one with Rarity I had an excuse, but even then Rarity still let me kiss her. So what did any of this mean? I wish I had time to contemplate it, but I had to answer Fluttershy.
"My kiss with Dash was completely due to my scent." I tried to find an excuse, but Fluttershy was smart.
"Does she know that?" Four words that shot my logic down.
"I'm not sure." I leaned on my elbow, trying to come to grips with the meaning of each kiss.
"Maybe you should go ask them how she feels." She suggested, an understanding smile on her face. I was glad she knew how I was feeling, it gave me some solace.
"How do you feel?" I asked her, and she shook her head.
"I need some time to think, like you do." She said hopping down from the couch. She walked out into her yard, probably to tend to her animals. I sat on her couch for quite a while, before taking her advice, and heading out to find Rainbow-Dash. It doesn't take long to find her though, I mean a floating house with a rainbow waterfall kind of sticks out. Only problem... I can't fly. How am I supposed to get up there? Then I thought, I don't need to get up there, I just need her attention.
So I headed into Ponyville, found Vinyl Scratch's house. I asked if I could borrow a couple amps, and while I was there I borrowed a couple mics and a guitar she had lying around. I knew Dash loved rock, so if she was within earshot, she was going to show up. This was also the perfect time to test my theories about the magic surrounding the songs of this world. I set up the amps in town square with the mic and guitar. I stated the sound test, and everything sounded great. I started to play a few notes on the guitar and it sounded good. I actually didn't know much about playing the guitar, but I knew enough to make music.
"I really hope I can sing when I'm not drunk." I said as a last note. I start playing a slow progression I had learned from a friend of mine.

Hey listen up
I heard you were coming
So I made this song just for you

Hey listen up
I heard it's what you liked
I can only hope that it's true

Hey get up now
I wasn't expecting more
but I was hoping at least for something new

Hey get up now
I know you need your rest
but you're just gonna have to make do

Hey hooves up now
It's all I'm really wanting
just tell me that you like what you hear

Hey hooves up now
I wanna hear your voices
I just wanna hear them boom in my ear

Come on
Get up
and celebrate
Today is a new and great day
Go on
Head out
Go out and taste the sun's first rays

There's a whole world out there just for you
Take it from me, the adventures you will see
The excitement, the rush, and awesomeness that defies gravity

Hey hold on
Just for a moment
Maybe danger's not the world for you

Hey hold on
Just think for a moment
Maybe instead you would want to know who's who

Let's try this
If just for a second
Maybe fame and fortune are the idea you're attached to

Let's try this
If only just a little
Perhaps making other people happy is what you're meant to do

But maybe
We should calm down
We have a whole life ahead to think about that

But maybe
We should just sit down
There are countless days, so instead let's just relax

Come on
Get up
and celebrate
Today is a new and great day
Go on
Head out
Go out and taste the sun's first rays

There's a whole world out there just for you
Take it from me, the adventures you will see
The excitement, the rush, and awesomeness that defies gravity

But wait now
We're just fine here
We should just celebrate our life

But hey now
There's lot's of time
We don't have to worry about any strife

Take it from me, there are lot's of things to see
but none quite so great as your home, your friends, and family

After the first few lines it just seemed to come naturally to me. I'm lucky there was magic, or that would have been terrible. I open my eyes to see a crowd gathered around, with Pinkie in the front row naturally.
"Whoo! Yeah! Encore!" She yelled, as they stomped their hooves. I set the guitar down, and bowed, it was then I noticed a cloud overhead, with Rainbow-Dash, and Derpy on it. I wave up to them, and Derpy waved back, with one eye on me and the other off into the sky somewhere. As the crowd started to slowly dissipate, I hopped down off the stage. Pinkie came up to me with a grin from ear to ear.
"That was fantastic! You really blew them away, not that I wasn't blown away too, but still that performance was amazing! I wish I could listen to it again and again and again and again, but I can't which is too bad, but I'm glad I got to hear it once, and now I can always remember it! Do you think tha-" Pinkie chattered on until I finally interrupted her.
"Pinkie, calm down, it was good, but not that good." I patted her head.
"What are you talking about?! That was amazing! Where did you learn to sing like that?" Needless to say Pinkie was excited.
"I didn't, I used to sing badly, and I still think I do, but any improvement is because of magic." I walked out in front of the stage.
"Poppycock! Ooo~ I like that word! Poppycock poppycock poppycock poppycock pickle barrel kumquat poppycock!" Pinkie hoped around, and I shook my head with a laugh.
"Dude, nice singing, that goes for last night too." Dashes voice came from behind me.
"That's what they tell me." I said, turning around to face her.
"So big guy, what's with the concert?" She asked, flying at about eye level.
"I was just testing out a theory, and it worked." I said, and shrugged.
"More egghead stuff? Ah, you should be focusing on training." She hovered up above me.
"Maybe you're right, I could stand to be a little stronger." I said scratching my head.
"Alright! You're coming with me!" She zipped over, grabbed my arm, and pulled me forward.
"Hey wait!" Pinkie said, and we both stopped.
"I wanted to ask you if you had some time to help me out over at Sugar Cube Corner." She said, grabbing my leg.
"I'm sure I have enough time for both of you. I'll head over to Sugar Cube Corner right after training, ok?" I gave Pinkie a sympathetic look, and she put both fore-hooves to her head.
"Pinkie promise?" She said, covering her eye.
"Pinkie promise." I mirrored her.
"Alright, that's settled, now let's go! We don't have all day!" Dash said, pulling me away. Pinkie and I waved goodbye to each other; I could see her gleefully hopping away as I left.
"So where exactly are we headed?" I asked, as she pulled me out toward a construction sight.
"We're here." She said, as we stopped at a half built building.
"Here?" I arched my brow, not sure what to think.
"You can show of your skills with those hands and feet." She said, and as I looked around the building I saw lots of hanging chains, sturdy beams, I could really get moving in a place like that. Back on earth I wouldn't even think about it, but now I'm jumping at the chance.
"I see, but what will you do?" I asked, crossing my arms.
"I'm going to, uh... coach you!" She nodded, with a smug smile.
"Well shouldn't you be training too?" I asked, taking off my jacket.
"I will, I'll be alongside you the whole time." She flew alongside me, I think she prefers to stay at eye level with me.
"Flying alongside while I climb? Hardly a workout." I said with a smirk.
"Fine, I won't use my wings then!" She leered me a look that said 'challenge accepted'.
"You think you can climb better than an ape?" I wasn't surprised, like a wise man once said "one part brave, three parts fool". She was a proud little mare.
"Think? I know." She had guts, I'll give her that, but how was she even going to compete? I had a clear advantage.
"Alright... If you're up to it." I said taking off my shoes and gloves.
"Go!" She said, and darted off, I couldn't believe I didn't see it coming. I turned and hopped up grabbing onto a chain, and started pulling myself up. Dash was climbing a separate chain, and had a surprising speed for one with no hands. I thought it would be ok to show off some, so I started to swing on the chain. I pulled a Tarzan, and swung from chain to chain, landing on the girder above. I took the time to look down to Dash, who's mouth was agape. She shortly remembered, and started to climb double time. It felt kind of liberating doing all that climbing, the occasional flip just to show off. I kind of felt like Spider-man.
I swung myself around on the chains with a primal feeling power, the kind of power that made you want to beat your chest like a gorilla. Dash wasn't as far behind as I thought she'd be, but I was having a good time about ten stories up. I jumped from a beam, and reached out to grab a chain, when the world started to blur, and my ears rang. I coughed violently, completely aware of my plummeting, and felt panic rush through me. I knew I was falling, and if I didn't stop myself, I wouldn't have to worry about talking with Dash.
About half way down a girder hit my chest, I bounced off, and fell straight to the ground. My back hit the ground, and all I could hear was the muffled voice of Rainbow-Dash's voice. I opened my eyes, and spots filled my vision. At least I knew I was alive, I was in to much pain to be dead. How did I survive a ten story fall? That girder must have crushed my ribs. I'd have to be dead right? No one's that strong. Everything drifted out of focus and into darkness.
I could hear voices, some I recognized others I didn't. There was a moment of silence, before I heard them speak again. "I think he's waking up." It was a familiar mare voice, but which one?
"I think he might just be stirring." Said another mare.
"Well why don't we just wake him up? I'm sure he'd be more than happy we did once he sees what we got him!" That one I knew for sure was Pinkie.
"He needs his rest. If we wake him up we don't know how he'd react." That was Twilight.
"I really hope he's ok..." That was Fluttershy.
"You seem awfully quiet Rainbow-Dash; Is everything alright?" That was Rarity.
"No, no I'm not. This was my fault. He was up there because of me. He's hurt because of me." Dash said, her voice seemed to quiver at the last word.
"Now ya can't blame yourself for this." Applejack said.
"Watch me." Dash replied, and I couldn't hold back a chuckle, which hurt like nopony's business.
"He laughed! He's awake!" Pinkie said, and I could feel my bed move slightly. Everypony in the room was making noises of relief, or anxiety. I opened my eyes and everything seemed much to bright. I looked off to the side, and see Dash sitting by the window not even facing me. I look down and see Pinkie standing over me. Past her are the other four standing at the foot of the bed.
"Did anyone get the number of that train?" I asked, laying my head back down. Twilight walked waled up beside me.
"The doctor said you've broken eight ribs. I don't know how you survived an ten story fall, but count yourself lucky." She said, her eyes looked both concerned and relieved.
"Now can we tell him?!" Pinkie stood over me.
"Yes Pinkie, go on." Twilight said, rolling her eyes with a laugh.
"Here!" Pinkie held out a book to me. I took it and read the cover.
"Etiquette and mannerisms of the royal family?" I said a little confused.
"Well, you are going to need it after all." Rarity came up beside Twilight.
"Cause you're gettin' a visit from tha Princess!" AJ said coming alongside Rarity.
"After Twilight's latest letter about you, she replied saying she was coming just to meet you!" Fluttershy said, coming up on my other side. I sat up, aching all the while.
"Really? What changed her mind?" I asked, now taking the book.
"I don't know, I think she just moved you up on her agenda." Twilight said with a shrug.
"Well whatever it is, I'm meeting the most powerful pony in the world... It's more intimidating than it sounds." I said opening the book.
"So anyways, hope you get better soon. Let's go girls, he has reading to do." Said Twilight, turning and walking away.
"But... Did his crash give him super duper spider powers?" Asked Pinkie, hopping down off the bed.
"Honestly Pinkie, why do you always ask that?" Applejack shook her head.
"It's bound to happen eventually, I just know it!" Pinkie hopped out the door.
"Goodbye, be sure and get your rest." Fluttershy, followed after them.
"Be sure and pick up your jacket on the way home, I went and had it dry-cleaned." Rarity said, on her way out as well.
I was soon alone with my book and Dash.
"So... something you wanted to talk about?" I asked opening up the book.
Dash was silent.
"No, it's ok. You don't have to say anything." I said as I started to read. "We can just sit quietly if you'd like." I said, glancing over to her, she was still looking out the window. I just kept reading the book. She was blaming herself for me getting hurt, dealing with the guilt, it was best to let her go at her own speed.
The room was quiet for about an hour. I just kept reading, waiting for her to say anything.
"Do you hate me?" She finally asked, out of the blue.
"Hate you? Now why would I ever hate you?" I asked, not stopping to look up from the page.
"I'm the whole reason you're here." I could hear her hooves on the tile coming closer.
"I'm here because of my own negligence. You were just racing me, and I slipped up." I said it as smoothly as I could, keeping the blame on me.
"You know that's not true. I heard the coughing, this time and last time." She said, and I closed the book with a sigh.
"Look, I knew I was sick before I started the race; I took the risk, and paid the price. You are not at fault here." I turned to her; her eyes now teary, and red.
"That's not a good look for you." I said jokingly. It made her smile. "Look... even if it were your fault, and it's not; I'm fine. I'm a little banged up, but if I remember correctly you were in the same position not so long ago... with a different book mind you." I said, holding the book up.
"How did you-" She started, but shook it off. "Never mind, thanks for cheering me up." She said, wiping her eyes and smiling.
"Now that looks good on you." I said arching my brow jokingly.
"Shut up!" She punched my arm. We both laughed.
"By the way. I was wondering. About that... moment we had after the race..." I said, and scratched my chin.
"Oh! You know about that? I thought you were out cold!" Her face turned from blue to bright red.
"Wait... out cold?" I said, wondering what she was talking about.
"Wait... you meant last time?" She gulped.
"Yeah, what did you-" I started.
"Oh nothing! Anyways, what about last time?" She interrupted, chuckling awkwardly, and clearing her throat.
"Anyways... as I was saying. After our race we had that, you know, moment..." I said, and rubbed the back of my head.
"You mean the kiss?" She wasn't awkward about it at all, unlike me.
"Yeah, that... What did it mean?" I asked, probably sounding like an idiot.
"What? They don't kiss where you're from?" She asked, her eyes a little wider than usual.
"No we do, but I was wondering what it meant... to you." I tried to be more specific.
"Oh. Umm...I like you. What else would it mean?" She asked, with a confused laugh.
"Hmm... how do I put it..." I thought for a moment. "You see, with humans, we completely guide our romantic relationships through communication. We have to actually ask and tell each other what stage we're at. So, I'm really confused as to what exactly that kiss meant. Whether it was just a kiss, or if we actually are in a relationship." I explained, trying to make as much sense as possible.
"Oh... umm... well... Do you, I don't know... want to be in a relationship?" She asked, trying to look as cool as possible, but her face betraying her with a blush.
"...Uh...Sure." I chuckled, and her face lit up, and quickly resumed her cool expression.
"Sooo... I guess we're dating then." She said, and looked up to me.
"Oh yeah; that reminds me. I should tell you I kissed Rarity." I said, picking the book back up.
"I know, I was there at the party." She said. "A dare's a dare." She shrugged.
"Alright... and I also kissed Fluttershy." I said, and she derped for a moment.
"Wait what?" She didn't seem to register what I said.
"I kissed Fluttershy too." I said opening the book.
"Why'd you kiss her?!" She flew up onto the bed with me.
"It's hard to explain, it was in the middle of a moment; she leaned, I leaned we kissed, it was over. She even tried to apologize, but I told her it wasn't her fault." I said, and Dash stood beside my face. She stood there, scrutinizing my story internally for a while.
"Alright... seems innocent enough, and we weren't dating yet... so you get a warning." She said, pointing her nose up. I gave her a look that said "forgive me?", and she stood in the position, mulling it over. She finally let out a sigh, and wrapped her hooves around me. It hurt my ribs, but I was still happy. I looked down, giving her a pained smile, and she gave me a peck on the lips.
"Wait... Since I told you about that. Now you tell me what you did while I was out." I said, giving a sly smile through my pain.
"Whoops! Look at the time, gotta go!" She said flying straight up, and out the door.
"There goes my Marefriend..." I said, laughing at the statement. Nothing else happened the rest of the day, so I read the whole book, and got to sleep.

Sounds Sordid

I woke up in my hospital bed, more nightmares, more coughing. The doctors get mad when I try to get up and walk, but I get restless. As often as I could I would get up and just walk in circles. I couldn't stand just sitting and lying all day... I don't see how congressmen do it every day.
Eventually I just got out of the gown, (it looked like it was made for a griffin, so it almost fit) and got my own pants on. I tried to get my shirt on, but trying hurt to much. So I figured the gauze was fine, and it actually looked pretty cool anyways.
I opened the window, and crept away when the doctors were out. I walked down the streets of Ponyville for a while, and headed down to sugar cube corner. I knocked on the door, and Mr.Cake opened up.
"How may I... help you?" He asked, seeming a bit nervous.
"I'm here to see Pinkie." I said, kneeling down.
"Oh, well she's upstairs, I'll go get her." He said, quickly trotting away. I ducked inside, and took a look around. A rather busy Mrs.Cake was rushing back and forth between two different baked goods.
"Hello there, how may I help you?" She asked, putting icing on some sort of treat.
"I could ask you the same, you need any help there?" I asked watching her frantically dash back and forth.
"How sweet. No I'm fine, I just need to finish these before the pair arrive, and I'll be done." She said, brushing some flour from her mane.
I heard a thump come from upstairs. There was a bit of a commotion followed by the sound of galloping hooves. Before I knew it I was tackled from behind.
"What are you doing out of the hospital?! You could get hurt!" Pinkie said, standing on my back.
"Like I am right now?" I groaned, and felt her step off me.
"That wouldn't have happened in the hospital." Pinkie said, and I forced myself up. "What are you even doing here?" Pinkie asked, as I brushed myself off.
"I made a Pinkie promise, didn't I? Nopony breaks a Pinkie promise." I answered rubbing my pained chest.
"That's no excu-... wait what?" Pinkie derped. I crossed my arms, and waited for a response. "Yeah well- That's not- You can't... You'd risk your health for a promise?" She looked up in mystified disbelief.
"Look, if humans are anything we're resilient. We've survived plague, disaster, and each other; I can take a few broken ribs." I cracked my knuckles.
"I guess you would know... OK then! Lets go!" She said, turning and hopping out the door.
"But I thought you wanted help here at Sugar Cube Corner." I said, following her out.
"Yeperoony! That's what I said! It would have sounded weird if I said outside Sugar Cube Corner." She stopped suddenly.
"That never mattered before..." I muttered halfheartedly.
"So what will we be doing?" I asked, and Pinkie pointed around the corner. I trudged over, and saw what she meant. She had a hot air balloon with a cannon, not a large cannon, but a cannon none the less.
"I need your help getting all my pies in the basket." She said jumping inside.
"You want me to load your pie cannon...?" I found myself rubbing my forehead, and nodding.
"Goody! The pies are over there." She pointed to a massive pile of boxes.
"Is this normal pinkie craziness, or a marketing tactic?" I asked picking up a couple pies, and handed them to her. My torso let me know how it disagreed with me.
"Marketing? Oh! That's a good idea!" She clapped her hooves together. "Uh-oh..." Pinkie said, her eyes widening.
"What?.. What is it?" I said, setting down the pies.
"My knees are pinching!" Pinkie said, ducking into the basket.
"What's that mean?" I asked, and rubbed my shoulder.
"It's my Pinkie sense, it means something scary's gonna happen!" Pinkie flicked her tail up.
"Oh, I forgot about Pinkie sense." I said, heeding her warning. I knew better than to question Pinkie sense.
"Something scary huh? Any idea what?" I leaned over the basket.
"Not a clue, I just know it'll be soon." She said, and I turned around, picking the pies back up, and setting them next to her. "You better get moving! My knees are pinching!" She knocked on my noggin.
"Alright! Alright! I'm going." I said, putting the last of Pinkie's pies (irony anyone?) in the basket. I turned and started walking away.
"Later Pinkie." I waved, and Pinkie waved back.
"Okie-dokie-lokie! See you later!" Her hoof swiftly popped back into the basket. I walked a few yards away when she took off. So something scary will happen today... Maybe I should head back to the hospital.
I walked over to the window to my room, taking note of the panicking nurses. I waited for her to leave the room, and crawled through the window. There was a commotion with the doctors outside as I crawled into bed. I picked up my book, and started reading.
It was about ten minutes before a doctor came in the room.
"You! You're back! Where were you?!" Her mane was frizzled, and she was sweating.
"I was taking a walk." I said casually reading my book.
"You... went for a walk?" She face-hooved.
"Sir in your condition you could cause serious damage to yourself." She walked over and fixed her hair.
"Are you sure?" I asked, looking up from my book.
"Wha...?" She uttered, and I smirked.
"I asked, are you sure?" looked back to my book.
"Umm... yes?" She shook her head.
"Alright, then I will respect your opinion." I smiled to her, and she shook her head. She let a defeated sigh, and walked to the door.
"By the way, you missed a visitor, but there's another one here to see you." She said, opening the door.
"Who'd I miss?" I asked, curious as to who would visit me so early.
"Rainbow-Dash came by, but you weren't here." As she said it my mind gulped. I knew I was going to get something.
"The visiting... 'gentlecolt' will be with you shortly." She hesitated the term, which isn't usually a good sign. I shrugged it off, returning to my book. I heard hoofsteps of the gentlecolt approaching, but didn't look up from my book. The door opened, and I glanced up, seeing a stallion with light brown fur, a black mane, and a top hat.
"May I help you?" I asked looking back down at my book.
"My good man, you already have." He said, with a light chuckle.
"I have?" I asked, still reading.
"Why yes... Your accent is American. Let me guess, a southerner?" He said, and my eyes were on my page, but I didn't read a word. I was stunned.
"How do you know that?" I asked looking up, meeting eyes with him. The color of his eyes seemed to dance around his contracted pupil like fire.
"I know many things about you. Like your dog Specter. Hit by a car right? Oh, or your brother, Ty had cancer didn't he?" He tilted his head, and I just sat in shock.
"I even know your name..." He grinned, and I brought myself to speak.
"What do you want?" I asked, and as I did I noticed his stench, moderately concealed behind cheap cologne was the smell of brimstone.
"Now, I only wish to warn you old boy." He said sitting down, and bowing his head.
"Warn me of what?" I ask, not sure what to think of him, but his smile dissipated with my question.
"Don't trust Celestia... or any of the royals." He said, his pupils shrinking slightly.
"Why?" I asked. If I could trust anyone, it would be Celestia.... wouldn't it? "I cannot explain, but keep your eyes open, listen closely to every word, don't let anything slip past your senses." He said, backing away toward the window.
"If you give her an opportunity she will take it, be careful of everything." He said, turning to the window. When he turned I got a good look at his cutie mark, a broken circle with a line through the top, like the power button on a game, or computer; around it were five rectangles. Odd to say the least.
"I'll take your word then?" I ask, slightly sarcastic.
"You don't have to heed my warning, I only had to give it." He said, before teleporting away in a flash of orange light. A unicorn, hiding his horn under his hat no less. I sat in my bed, contemplating what had happened. Should I trust this stranger? He told me not to trust the princess... but he also knew about who I am, or was. Perhaps mind reading? It's as plausible as anything else. I wondered to myself for a while, but never really deviated my trust from Celestia. I did however decide to act with caution. This was rolling through my thoughts when I heard something rumbling down the halls.
"Where is he?!" I heard just outside.
"Almighty save me..." I muttered just before Rainbow-Dash burst into the room.
"I can't believe you! You nearly die, you're put in a hospital, and the next day you're running around town?!" She grabbed onto my sheets, yanking them away.
"I made a Pinkie promise, and I was still able to help." My excuse didn't even seem to phase her.
"Pinkie would understand you not being able to keep your promise, and you know it!" She was flying an inch in front of my face.
"I'm perfectly fine, and you of all people know how stir crazy one gets when in here." I said calmly, trying to calm her.
"Yes, but I didn't go out flying with a bad wing!" She snorted, her eyes reflected her anger. I rolled my eyes, and chuckled.
"You can't jus-" She started, but I ambushed her with a kiss. Her legs turned to jelly, her wings went stiff, and she melted into my arms.
"That worked." I said, almost surprised.
"Don't think that you can get off that easy Mr. big stuff." She said looking off to the side and blushing.
"Mr. big stuff?" I echoed, wondering what exactly she was implying.
"You know what I mean!" She glared at me, unable to keep from smiling.
"I'm not sure I do." I chuckled jokingly. She pushed on my chest, making me lay down, painfully might I add.
"Well then, big guy, if you need motivation to stay in bed..." Dash said standing above me. I looked up surprised... maybe this was the scary thing Pinkie warned me about... She leaned her head down and gave me a quick kiss, but moved from there to my jaw. She continued to kiss just below my ear when she stopped and whispered.
"Motivated yet?" I did't have time to answer before she continued kissing down my neck. I did manage a noise that showed I was trying to speak, but actual words never formed. She giggled as her kisses ran down my collar bone, to the base of my neck. I tried to lift my arm, but she stopped me with hooves on my shoulders. Her kisses moved down the center of my chest.
I gulped nervously, seeing where this was headed. She trailed down my chest to my stomach, and her hooves down to my wrists. I looked around the room, the door and window were both open, making it all the more awkward. I could feel my face flushing as her kisses came to the rim of my pants. She looked up at me seductively, saw the 'deer in the head lights' look on my face, and whispered.
"Consider that your punishment." She said, flying up above me. I was still stunned, and my face was neon red as she giggled overhead. I will give her this, she is good at revenge.
"A-a-alr-right, y-you w-w-win..." I stuttered, laying my head down.
"That's what I thought." She said with a snicker. I picked up my shirt off the headboard and used it to fan myself off (i'm surprised the bed wasn't in flames). The air felt cool against my sweat laden body. "Anyways, I think you learned your lesson." She said, flying slowly through the door. I at that moment decided not to ever get her mad.
I sat in bed rereading the book Twi had given me, for about the third time. I probably had everything memorized by now, but I wouldn't want to accidentally offend the princess. I don't think humans would fare well on the moon without space suits.
I sat undisturbed for hours, other than the occasional nurse checking to see if I was still there, or to change my bandages. When she did I noticed how bruised I was. I had blue blotches all over, but apparently the healing magic worked wonders on all my minor injuries. I waited for anything interesting to happen, but I wasn't so lucky. Boredom swept over me like crashing waves.
I eventually heard the clamoring of hooves, and excited speech of ponies gathered outside. I walked over to the window to see what all the furor was about. Down the street I see a drove of ponies flocking the streets. I saw the mass parting as something passed. Slowly coming into sight was an alabaster carriage, being pulled by four pegasi, and sitting on the carriage was Celestia... and as a surprise, also princess Luna.
I pulled myself inside and got back into bed, praying that I don't make a fool of myself. It seemed like an eternity passed waiting for them to appear, but eventually the regal alicorns entered my hospital room.
"Princess Celestia. Princess Luna. I am honored by your presence." I said, pulling myself out of bed, and bowing. Luckily they seemed to recognize the gesture as a bow.
"Once Twilight told me about you, I came as quickly as possible." Celestia said, she seemed tired, an odd thing for her.
"Your esteemed presence is quite a veneration, to what do I owe the pleasure?" I ask, not exactly sure how I came up with something intelligent through my anxiety.
"He seems quite astute. I find him delightful thusfar." Luna said, smiling over to her sister.
"We have come to welcome you to Equestria, and to invite you to Canterlot Castle for the evening." Celestia said, smiling at me, and then to her sister.
"As exciting and fascinating as that might be, I'm afraid I must decline. As you can see I'm indisposed at the moment, and unfit to travel." I answered motioning to my bandaged rib cage.
"This can be easily remedied." Celestia said, bowing her head, and pointing her horn at my torso. In a flash of pinkish light the pains were gone. I de-bandaged myself, and saw my alleviated core.
"Amazing... absolutely brilliant." I said looking back up at them.
"Now that you are unencumbered, you are free to join us, correct?" Luna said, smiling at me.
"That is correct, but I think it would be wise to inform my friends of this before up and disappearing on them. I wouldn't want to worry anyone." I said, considering just how Rainbow-Dash would react to my leaving a second time.
"I agree. Perhaps we should gather them, and tell everyone." Celestia said, and Luna turned to the window.
"You already know my friends, the holders of the elements of harmony." I almost called them the mane six, but they probably wouldn't know what that meant.
"That makes it considerably easier." Said Celestia, and if I'm not mistaken, I could have sworn she giggled...
"Why is that?" I ask, slightly confused. Celestia looked over to the window, prompting me to turn around. I wheel around, spying the group peeking in through the window.
"Why did I not expect that?" I turn back to the princesses.
"I would like to continue our conversation, but shall we do so in the carriage?" Celestia asked, turning to the side, as to look at me and the doorway.
"I guess, unless of course someone disagrees." I said, looking to the window. Dash waved a hoof in reluctant agreement.
"I have received approval, lead the way princesses." I said, with a bow. They both walked out ahead of me, so I grabbed my shirt, and I closed he door behind us. They walked side by side down the hall, with me just behind them, and as I wiped the sweat from my forehead, I found something odd. I couldn't stop staring at their flanks... I turned my head away, and tried to distract myself, but I found eyes always pulled back. I was starting to think I might have been away from humans too long... my preferences are changing.
Every once and a while they would glance back, and I would meet eyes with them. I was relieved when we actually got to the carriage, and they sat in their seats. I leaned my head out, and waved goodbye to everyone. Just as I did a flash of blue came up, and I felt a warm pair of lips on mine.
It was Dash of course, giving me a goodbye kiss. The taste was starting to become familiar, it was a distinct fiery taste, almost piquant. Her hot breath wreathed my skin. her lips parted, and offered her tongue. I eagerly accepted, and our tongues danced together. I had to break the kiss this time, as it seemed she never wanted to stop. I looked out over the stunned crowd, hearing one "Woohoo!" from Pinkie. Then I turned to see to blushing princesses.
"Come back fast, ok?" Said Dash, and we both smiled.
"I will. Don't worry." I said petting behind her ear. She flew back over with her friends, and they all waved. I waved back and the carriage started moving. As soon as they were out of sight, I turned back, and saw the still flushing faces of the princesses.
"Oh... did I mention I have a marefriend?" I said jokingly.
"In fact you did not." Luna said, with an awkward smile.
"So, tell me... The mark on your torso, what do you think it means?" Celestia asked, changing the subject.
"Oh, umm, Twilight told me it represents the search for wisdom. That it was the same as one Solemn Oath." I recalled, with a shrug.
"The wisdom of Solemn..." She said gently, looking at my shirt, as if to see through it.
"I remember that story, but I've forgotten how it ended." Said Luna, raising a hoof to her chin.
"You know... you kind of underestimate how much you miss being at eye level with people." I accidentally thought aloud. The princesses giggle, and I noticed my mistake.
"I said that out loud, didn't I?" I acknowledged my mishap.
"No, it's quite alright. We understand. I was thinking the same thing not so long ago." Celestia said, looking at Luna with a smile.
"Oh right, 1000 years on the moon also meant 1000 years alone for both of you." I said, thinking about how lonely that must have been.
"It was lonely, but now we're together again. That's what matters." Celestia nodded. Our conversation continued, and we arrived at the castle.
I walked inside, just behind the princesses. This time it was easy to distract myself with the amazing sights of the castle. The statues, the architecture, the hedge maze, all spectacular. We even paid Discord a visit. We came into the main hall, and into the dining room. When we walked in the first thing I saw was princess Mi Amore Cadanza, Shining Armor, and prince Blueblood at the table.
"So I will be dining with all the royalty then?" I ask, and catch everyone's eye.
"Yes, we invited everyone to meet you." Said Luna, taking a chair, as did Celestia.
"We will be dining with that? Why wasn't I informed of this?" Blueblood asked a random servant, who proceeded to panic and run off.
"He has a name Vladimir." Shining armor stated, looking over to Blueblood.
"I'm perfectly fine with calling it it, thank you." He replied, flipping his mane back.
"Don't mind him. Come sit by me." Said Princess Cadance, pulling the chair out for me.
"Thank you." I said, sitting next to her.
"Where are the others?" Celestia asked Blueblood.
"Most of the family won't be able to make it, something about some small crises." He huffed, turning his snout up at me.
"That's too bad, I would have loved to meet the rest of the family." I said, looking down at my plate.
"Exactly what are you anyhow?" Blueblood said abruptly.
"I'm a human, an omnivorous, bipedal, ape, that dominated their planet and every other living species on it." I crossed my arms, and got shocked looks from around the room.
"Well not me specifically, it was thousands of years ago, it was over and done with when I was born." I tried to ease the tension. There was a brief silence, followed by servants bringing us our food.
"So, tell us about your world, this America sounds amazing." Luna said, breaking the silence.
"Alright, America has a population of about three hundred million, we have fifty states in the union, and our leader is democratically elected." I said, recalling simple facts.
"Three hundred million? That sounds like a lot of work for one leader." Said Shining Armor, looking up at me.
"True, that's why each state gets two representatives, and when an issue comes up, they all debate on what they should do. Of course, the President elect can overturn anything they do." I explained, and started eating.
"Interesting, so your President, what sort of magic does he have?" Asked Cadance, taking a bite of... whatever it is we're eating.
"None, humans can't use magic. Most don't even believe it exists." I said, taking another bite, and seeing the again shocked expressions on their faces.
"Surely there must be some magic..." Celestia said in disbelief.
"No the only magic in human history is in fiction, myths, and legends. Granted the latter can be true, it cannot be proven." I said, and Blueblood scoffed.
"Yeah, and next you're going to tell me that you don't control the weather or seasons." He said, shaking his head.
"We don't. It's like the Everfree forest, it controls it's self." I say, and he gave me a look of displeasure.
"If that is all true, then who raises the sun and moon?" Luna asked, She'd not even touched her food.
"No one, those go on there own too." I said, as I continued eating.
Again the room was quiet.
"Humans lived for thousands of years perfecting the arts of science, and engineering. We built marvelous things; we soared to great heights, and sank to new lows. We built machines that let humans fly, travel faster than the speed of sound, and bring you back from the brink of death... but we also built machines that shoot down men that fly, kill at the speed of sound, and bring the end of thousands of lives in an instant..." I said, with a sigh.
"We humans have a history of war. Horrible wars. They say for every year there has been peace, there have been seven of war in America. There is a section of earth that has been waging the same war for so long no one even remembers how it started." I said, taking another bite. I looked up, and saw the looks around the room, shock, disbelief, sadness, and worst, fear.
"I-I'm sorry, human history is not something to be taken all at once." I rubbed my forehead.
"It's ok, you were talking about your home. It's a sensitive subject for you." Cadance said, patting my back.
"Well, how about we talk about here instead. Cadance, Shining Armor, congratulations on the wedding." I said, raising a glass.
"Thank you, from both of us." Cadance said, leaning her head on Shining Armor's shoulder.
"Speaking of romance, how did you and your marefriend meet?" Celestia asked, and Blueblood nearly spit his drink.
"He has a what?" He asked.
"You have a marefriend?" Shining Armor asked, not as astonished as Blueblood, but still surprised.
"Oh," I chuckled nervously "yes. I met her when I was walking down the street, I had just met some of her other friends, and she was a little insulted to be the last to know. Once I told her about what I was, she immediately challenged me to a race, typical if you know Rainbow-Dash. We raced, and she won. That's how we met." I explained, finishing my food.
"Aww, that's so cute." Cadance said, smiling brightly.
"Sounds awful, if you ask me. Getting all sweaty and filthy. How vulgar." Blueblood said, looking off to the side.
"It's actually-" I started, but I stopped when I saw a familiar pair of eyes pass by a doorway. "May I be excused for a moment?" I asked, turning to Celestia.
"Of Course, come back quickly." She answered, and I stood up. "Thank you." I bowed, and walked through the doorway. Following after the shadow of a pony with a top hat. I walked swiftly after him, turning corners, and climbing stairs. I finally came to a door, I opened it, and on the other side was a hall that lead in both directions.The left was blocked off so I went right, and at the end was a door, barred with the same cutie mark as the pony in the hospital room painted on it. I looked through the bars, and saw a figure inside. Suddenly I heard them singing.

If I were just free...
If just for a day...
I'd get out of bed in the morning,
and just soak up the sun's rays...

I'd walk down the street...
I would know my neighbors...
I could go travel anywhere,
even use a hot air balloon,
cause I like those too...

If I were just free...
I think I would enjoy...
How it feels to be out there,
For that I would be a better pony...

I would be much nicer...
Because I know that it hurts...
Being stuck inside this iron cage,
and not knowing what you did wrong,
so everything you had is just gone...

If I were just free...
I'd do whatever you want...
We could pretend to be sailors,
or even clean up snow with a rake...

Wouldn't put myself first...
Or even bruise your ego...
but instead I'm stuck in here,
and now I've only got a window...
To see...

If I were just free...
I think I would enjoy...
How it feels to be out there,
For that I would be a better pony...

I would be much nicer...
Because I know that it hurts...
Being stuck inside this iron cage,
and not knowing what you did wrong,
so everything you had is just gone...

It's too late for me to give back.
Just don't know what went wrong,
can't be forgiven for that.
I wonder if she'll miss me,
when I'm gone...

But I am not free...
I just do not enjoy...
How it feels to be in here,
but I know that I am a better pony...

This place isn't nicer...
And I know it still hurts...
I'll always be inside this iron cage,
just not knowing what I did wrong,
now everything we had is just gone...

The pony stood up at the size of Celestia, with a top hat. He was almost sickly thin, with the same blazing eyes. He turned to the door and walked over to me.
"So you came." The pony said, standing about ten feet away. His air of glee was gone.
"Why are you so much taller? ...What do you mean you're trapped, I saw you walking around outside." I said, more than a little confused.
"This is my actual height. What you saw was an illusion I created. My magic is dampened in this cage, it's about all I can do." He said, sitting and looking off to the side.
"So you brought me here...? Why?" I asked, crossing my arms.
"I wanted you to see the full extent of Celestia's treachery. She couldn't defeat me, but she could lock me in here, and weaken me." He said, looking at me with those contracted pupils.
"I was once her student, learning, and mastering the magical arts... but I was too talented. I got powerful enough to be a threat, and she started acting differently. Everything else was unavoidable. She tricked me into this cage, where I was left to rot for twenty four years." He said laying down, and looking up.
"And why are you telling all this to me?" I asked, shaking my head in disbelief.
"All will be revealed in time brother. Just know, if she is given half a reason, you'll end up in a worse place than me." He stood and walked off to the side, glancing upward.
"Now, you should be going, you have a dinner to attend." He said, shooing me away with his hoof.
"I'll go, but just tell me who you are before I go." I said, turning around.
"Call me... Shallow Graves." He said morbidly, and I walked away.
"Farewell, my friend. May your day be fruitful." He said, and I could hear his hoofbeats echo away. I walked away, and heard him talking to himself as I left. I still wasn't sure weather or not to trust him. What could have happened to him? Celestia certainly didn't put him in there for nothing. I walked my way back up to the dining room, to some degree of difficulty mind you. As I arrived, I was greeted by Luna.
"Welcome back, you didn't get lost did you?" She asked, smiling lightly.
"Actually yes, this castle is bigger than it looks, which is impressive might I add." I came to the foot of the table, taking my place by Cadance.
"As we were saying, ever since Luna's return, she's been getting love notes from a secret admirer." Cadance said, and Luna blushed.
"It's nothing, many stallions admire princesses." Luna said, waving a hoof.
"Maybe so, but how many sent you a poem every day? That you read every day?" Asked Celestia playfully.
"Sister! What are you implying!?" Luna was taken back.
"She's implying that you are smitten for him as well." Shining armor, chuckled.
"I- I- why I never-!" Luna was at a loss for words, and everyone at the table, and even the servants were giggling.
"Calm down sister, it's not like we haven't all had our crushes," Celestia looked at Cadance, and shining armor. "but sometimes they're more than that." The married couple nuzzled each other.
"Well, I do not have a crush." Luna said turning up her snout. We laughed again.

Authors note: There will be many more musical numbers in the future.

Ommetaphobia

I spent the night talking with the royalty, and exchanging stories. Even Blueblood warmed up some, not much, but some. I enjoyed talking with them, but after my conversation with Shallow, I started paying closer attention to Celestia. She didn't seem as shocked by the things I told her. Probably just her calm demeanor, but odd still. She also never really inquired about my home other than to object every so often. She was less curious about home, and more curious about me. Not so surprising in itself.
Everyone else also seemed to relax easier, likely because of my scent, but Celestia seemed to stay... at the ready, for lack of a better term. Shallow was right about one thing I should be mindful of everything. After the night came to a close I set off to be taken home by the guards. I said my fair wells, got in the carriage, and was brought home. I got out of the carriage, and it must be about midnight, so everypony was most likely asleep.
I make my way up to Sweet Apple Acres, and into the barn. I almost trudge over, and slide onto my bed. Pulling the sheet up, I fell asleep almost instantly. Almost. I lay my arm off the side of the mattress, and feel a soft object. I half open my eyes seeing a sleeping Rainbow-Dash on the ground. She must have waited up for me, and fell asleep. I sat up, knowing I couldn't just let her sleep in the dirt. So I picked her up, laid her on the bed, and covered her up. I found my leather jacket and put it on, sleeping on the floor.
Sleep found me quickly, and I was embraced by my nightmares. Tonight's nightmares were more vivid than usual, more specific too. I was home on earth, but nowhere I'd been before, and I was surrounded by people and ponies. They were all sad, and looked as if their colors had faded. I tried to talk to somebody, but they couldn't hear me, then I tried talking to somepony, but they couldn't hear me either.
Then I saw my mother, I went up to her, and she was crying. She couldn't see me either. She sat sobbing into her hands, and I couldn't comfort her. Then I saw Dash sulking down the street, and followed her. I tried to get her attention, but I was still invisible.
"What's wrong bro, cat got your tongue?" I turned around and saw my older brother Ty looking at me, in full color. Ty had died of cancer a year ago, but made common appearances in my nightmares.
"Why can't they see me?" I ask, walking up to him.
"You're dead." He said in an almost giddy tone.
"Dead? How did I die?" I ask not surprised for whatever reason.
"You did it yourself." He said, walking beside me.
"Why?" I asked, as my color started to wash out as well.
"Guilt became just to much. You couldn't stand it anymore." He said shaking his head.
"Take what?" I asked, close behind him.
"Leaving." He said. "You had to choose between home and Ponyville. Whatever you chose you regretted it, and took your life soon after." He said showing me my grave.
"What did I choose?" I asked kneeling in front of my grave... There was no answer. I turned around and Ty was gone. "Ty?..." I looked around, and saw nobody, and nopony. "Hello?" My voice echoed, and the darkness crept in. After a while I couldn't see anything. "Hello?... Hello?!" I wasn't even graced by my own echo. I was alone. I stayed alone in darkness for the rest of the nightmare, which was longer than I would have liked.
I woke up slowly, and sweating, to a voice saying... something, I'm sure. After a moment of being jostled, I see a blur in front of me.
"Hey, big guy. Wake up." The blur said, and I rolled onto my back closing my eyes. I heard an audible grunt, and a few hoofsteps. Then a warm breath on my face followed by a giggle.
"This'll wake him up." The voice said, and suddenly a wet pair of lips touched my neck. It was accompanied by steamy breath warming my jawline. I start to reopen my eyes when she crawls on top of me. I fully open my eyes, and as the adjust, I get that smile on my face that you can only get waking up to see your girlfriend (or marefriend in this case) smiling at you.
"Morning bedhead." She said raising her brow at me.
"Morning gorgeous." I replied, and she blushed. I had just woke up and managed a that, don't you love when that happens?
"Why're you on the ground?" She asked, laying on my chest.
"Because you were hogging the sheets." I chuckled. I pulled off a joke too? I'm on a roll.
"I can share now." She giggled back. Crap, she thought up a joke too... Now I'll have to be clever. I can never be clever when I'm trying. It's like disarming a bomb, try and force it and it blows up in your face. I sat there with a blush; I was probably already blushing, so now it's just darker. She closed her eyes, and laid her head on my chest. I sat and enjoyed the moment as long as it would last. She nuzzled me, and I nuzzled back. Her hoof rested on my shoulder, and she leaned in slowly.
"Good mor- Oh..." I saw Applejack standing in the door. "Am I interrupting?" Applejack looked at us, wide eyed and a face as red as Big Mac. Dash quickly flew straight up, fixing her mane, and trying to look cool.
"Nope! Not at all! I wasn't doing anything! I-I mean we weren't! We weren't doing anything..." Her eyes darted back and forth, showing an embarrassed smile.
"I respectfully disagree." I said raising my hand.
"Hey, it's none of my business what you two lovebirds do." AJ backed out inelegantly, with an uncomfortable laugh.
"But we- I mean he- I mean I-" Dash's words started to pile up.
"She's gone, no need to explain anymore." I said, standing up.
"You could have helped me!" She replied meeting eyes with me.
"I couldn't. I hate lying." I winked. Why am I clever today? Dash smiled and wrinkled her nose.
"Oh? So what were you planning to do with me?" She flew in front of me, with an inquisitive look. Double crap. She turned that around on me...
"Hey you were making the moves, not me." I replied, raising my hands innocently.
"Was I?" She smirked at me, grabbing my shoulders. I was curious to what she meant, but that subsided when she pulled me to the floor. She pulled me over her, and kissed me. I wondered what brought that on, I thought she was mad after all.
She was smiling halfway through the kiss, which always feels good. I felt her forelegs wrap around my neck, and smiled back.
Thump.
Something hit me hard on the back of the head, breaking our kiss.
"Ow! What the-" I started looking around for what hit me.
"What?" Rainbow-Dash looked around.
"I just got hit in the head..." I said, standing up, and looking around. Just then my vision blurred, and my ears rang.
"Hey, Big guy... what's wrong?" Asked Dash, but I could only focus on the hallucinations. Dash turned red, the barn door turned into a portal to nowhere, and I was sweating diamonds. After they subsided I noticed I was sitting on the mattress. My sweat was back to beads of water instead of gems, and the door led to the orchard, like before... but Rainbow-Dash was gone...?
"Dash?... Dashie? Where'd you go?" I asked the air, getting no answer. Could she have flown off? That's it, she left because of my coughing. Can't say I blame her, what better way to kill the mood? I walked over to the door, and walked outside. My eye was caught by a not on the door. I grab it, and look it over. It's a request for a job! By Rarity? What could she want I wonder? I'll just head over to the boutique, and find out. I really need the money anyhow, this is the first job I've had since I got here.
I immediately headed down the trail to Ponyville, humming Eurobeat Brony's Discord. As always Ponyville was busy this time of day, but I didn't have much trouble getting to Rarity's. I open the door, to be met with a frantic Rarity.
"Ok, one more stitch and... no! A gem is out of place! I'll have to restitch it!" She said, excitedly squirming around a dress.
"You called for some assistance?" I said, walking inside. Rarity's face lit up, and she dashed forward, closing the door behind me, and pushing me forward.
"You arrived just in time! I disparately need you!" She said, and I stumbled forward as she pushed.
"Alright, alright! Just tell me where you want me." I brushed myself off, and straightened up.
"Just in that room right over there, I have the most dreadfully heavy boxes that I need to unpack." She said fixing her mane, and making herself presentable.
"I'll get right on it." I said, and walked over to the room.
"Ok, just have to unload a few- Holy crap!" I stood shaken by the sight of the massive crate. It must have been twelve feet in all directions.
"How did you even get this in here?!" I wheezed out.
"I few very gentlemanly unicorns." She replied, and I sighed.
"Well the sooner I start, the sooner I'll finish." I unmotivatedly stated. I quickly got to work unpacking droves of cloth, string, gems, and other assorted items I assume were for dressmaking, but had no Idea.
"I really must thank you dear, you saved me a lot of work, and time." Rarity said finishing her work on a dress.
"No problem, it is my job after all." I say smiling over to her.
"Speaking of which, how much do I owe you for this?" She asked trotting over to me.
"You don't owe me a thing." I said, setting down a ton of cloth.
"But I must! I couldn't possibly accept such a favor!" Rarity stamped a hoof in protest while still smiling.
"Think of it as payment for the suit." I said chuckling, and wiping sweat from my brow.
"Oh, you're too sweet." She cooed. I set down the last of the gemstones, and sat on the floor by the wall.
"Thank you, but I'm not that sweet. I'm just... Ok I'm pretty sweet." I said jokingly.
"You really are. I'm surprised Rainbow-Dash would let you slip away from her." Rarity rubbed my back with her hoof.
"Well you know Dashie, she's really relaxed." I said as Rarity walked up in front of me.
"If you were my coltfriend I wouldn't let you out of my sight for a second." She scratched a hoof on the floor.
"I'll take that as a complement." I joked again.
"It's not that I wouldn't trust you, it's all the girls throwing themselves at you." She said, taking off her flashily designed glasses.
"Keep the glasses on, they look good on you." I complemented. She giggles girlishly, blushing and putting them back on.
"As for the girls trowing themselves at me, I can't say I know how to deal with that. I never had that problem back home, in fact I was in so many friend-zones you'd think there was a law against it... I'm lucky there wasn't, zoning violations are a serious pain." I thought back to my many past romantic failures.
"I can hardly believe that, a nice, sweet, caring guy like you?" Rarity sat beside me.
"It's true, back home on a scale from one to ten, I'm about a four... five on a good day." I said, scratching my head.
"You know what I think your problem is?" Rarity asked, turning my chin toward her.
"You aren't aggressive enough. Don't get me wrong, your calm shy demeanor is cute, but you need to be a little more direct. Leave the subtly to us." Rarity raised her brows, tilting her head slightly down.
"It's good advice, but all subtlety aside, I'm not exactly a heart breaker." I looked up to the ceiling, not really focused on anything.
"I doubt I could even say no if I wanted to. If Dash wants something, she can just say so, and it's hers. I've always been like that." I turn to her, and she shakes her head.
"Oh, you're like a cute helpless little puppy." Rarity cooed.
I laid my head between my legs.
"You need to have more faith in yourself. You're sweet, you're smart, strong, tall, and generous. Don't put yourself down so much." She put a hoof on my shoulder, and I looked up at her. I smile, which makes her grin in return. She looked at me, her eyes heavily lidded with a caring look. I leaned back against the wall, trying to believe her.
Then she starts leaning in... Wait is she going to...? No, she couldn't... but she is. She's leaning in to kiss me. What do I do?! I sit frozen in shock, I try to speak, but nothing comes out. All I manage to do is open my mouth. Her eyes close, and tilts her head to the side. Why can't I move? I can't kiss Rarity, I'm dating Dash, so why can't I move? I was suddenly filled with relief as she kissed my cheek.
My heart stopped pounding, and I could breath again. I'm still clean as a whistle... right? She pulled back after kissing my cheek, still smiling, and seeing my red face
"I know my kiss would be exciting, but not this stimulating." Rarity giggled, obviously noticing my red face.
"Well I wasn't expecting it..." I chuckled nervously.
"You really are cute." She shook her head, and stood up.
"I'm going to the kitchen, would you like anything?" She asked, walking to the door.
"No thanks, I should be going anyhow." I said standing as well.
"Alright, feel free to come back any time." She said as I walked to the front door.
"Why does this keep happening to me...? Why couldn't I be this popular back home?" I said to myself, walking out to Twilight's house. I knock on the door, and Spike answers.
"Oh hey, what's up?" He asked, and stepped to the side to let me in.
"Nothing much, I just stopped by to ask Twilight a question." I answered ducking in, and looking around.
"She's upstairs, looking at something in her telescope." Spike said, running beside me. I climbed the stairs, seeing her looking through her telescope.
"What 'cha lookin at?" I said, sitting next to her. She jumped, as I startled her.
"You scared me." She said taking a deep breath.
"Sorry." I chuckled.
"I'm just looking at this atmospheric disruption here in the sky. It appears about every twelve years or so." She said, gesturing the telescope. I looked in, seeing a barely visible ripple of blue light in the sky.
"Kind of hard to see." I say, pulling away.
"Yeah, I was about to head down the street and ask Starbright if I could borrow his observatory." She said, levitating her bag over.
"You mind if I come with you? I've been meaning to ask you a few questions, and get updated on the whole cutie mark, elements of harmony issue." I squat down beside her as she packs a few books.
"Sure, come along with me. Oh, can you grab that astronomy book up there?" She asked, and I reached up, grabbing the heavier than expected book.
"Packed and ready." She checked something off another one of her lists.We headed down the street, to a building that I'm surprised I didn't notice.
Twilight knocked on the door, and we hear a voice from the other side.
"Just a minute, I'll be right there." The voice was male, and started immediately scurrying around, probably cleaning the place up. In a few seconds the door opened to reveal a blue unicorn with a purple and green mane, glasses, and a telescope cutie mark.
"Ah! Twilight, come in!" He said, and we did.
"And who is this?" He asked looking up at me.
"Human, an alien from another world." I said, looking up at his massive telescope.
"Right... well... Is this a social visit?" He asked, turning to Twilight.
"Actually I was wondering if I could borrow your telescope." Twilight said, pointing up to it.
"Oh, checking out the atmospheric anomaly?" He asked, walking up to the telescope.
"Yeah, how'd you know?" Asked Twilight, as we followed him.
"What do you think I've been looking at?" He said, and motioned to it. Twilight walked up, and looked in.
"Wow, your telescope is so much better than mine! Would you mind if I shared your notes?" She asked, pointing to a table littered with papers.
"O-oh... umm... sure, if you'd like." He said, taking off his glasses, and putting them away. Twilight trotted over to the table, and I chuckled.
"So, when do you plan on making your move?" I asked, crossing my arms with a smirk.
"What move?" He asked, looking up at me.
"Come on, I'm not from your world, and even I can tell you like her." I said shaking my head.
"Shh! Quiet! She'll hear you!" He whispered.
"So you're at that stage huh? Yeah, take your time, she's not going anywhere, at least not soon." I hint to him, sitting and looking through the telescope at the rippling blue light.
"Was I really that obvious?" He asked, hanging his head.
"Looks like it." I said, glancing toward him.
"If I were you I think th-" I was interrupted by Twilight's sudden outburst.
"Oh my gosh!" Twilight exclaimed.
"What?! What is it?!" Starbright said, dashing over.
"I've got it! Your connection to the elements of harmony!" She said, turning to me.
"Really? What do you mean?" I asked standing up, and walking over.
"The magical fluctuation in the sky is the same as what I found in you. It seems you hold one of the elements of harmony from your world!" She said, showing me on the papers.
"Wait... but my world doesn't have... magic." I said, and a rush of thoughts and confusion hit me.
"When you came to this world your element of harmony must have activated when it came into contact with magic." She said, taking down her own notes.
"Interesting theory, but still... What element do I have, and how do we even know if they're the same elements as yours?" I asked, looking over the papers.
"Might I interject?" Asked Starbright. "You could ask the Princess, nopony knows more about the elements of harmony than her." He said, jotting something down. "Akhekhu, can send the message for you if you'd like." He said, and started to look around. "Akhekhu?" He continued searching.
"Yes?" said a female voice.
"Where are you?" He asked, levitating the note in front of him.
"I'm here." the voice was behind me, and I turned to see a sandy brown dragon behind me. She was taller, and thinner than spike, with black spines up her back.
"Ah, there you are. Could you send this message to the Princess for us?" Starbright asked, giving her the note.
"Alright." She said, and the note disappeared in a burst of blue flame.
"I didn't know anyone had a dragon other than Twilight." I said, scratching my head.
"Well actually, if anything she owns me. She sleeps most of the day, and I pay for her food." He said with a laugh. Akhekhu just sat there quietly behind him.
"She doesn't talk much either." Said Twilight. "She usually has her head in the clouds." She said.
"Oh! That reminds me! I was wondering, do you know a permanent cloud-walking spell?" I asked, and she started thinking.
"I think... I might have a book that has one." She said, scrolling through her memories. "Why?" She asked.
"I'm dating a pegasus who lives in a cloud house... must you really ask?" I smirk again.
"Ooooh, I see. You're wanting to spend the night." She nudged me, and winked.
"Wh-wha.. n-no I.." My eye started to twitch as my face began to resemble a tomato.
"Calm down, it's ok. I understand." She said, with a giggle.
"I'm not sure you do..." I nearly growled. Abruptly, a puff of blue smoke came from Akhekhu's mouth; in it was a note.
"That was fast..." Said Starbright. "It's for you." He said, handing it to me.

I'm sorry I had to intercept your message, but I couldn't let her see this. She already knows, but you don't want her to find out you know. You see, the more you find out, the less she'll trust you.
Now you're wondering how she could already know this, but the answer is quite simple old boy. The disturbance in the atmosphere has appeared every 12 years. She is over 1000 years old. Do the math. As for your element, it's not exactly harmony. Now you're wondering how I could possibly know that?...

Did you think you were the first human to arrive in Equestria?
Love, Shallow Graves~

I was breathless... I wasn't the first human? How could that be? What happened to the other one? or other ones... Has Celestia really been hiding this from me? Why? Well considering that they're gone... maybe she got rid of them. Shallow's words echoed through my head "Just know, if she is given half a reason, you'll end up in a worse place than me." She's Celestia... she couldn't do that... could she...? Whatever it is I have to go see Shallow again.
"Is something wrong? What's it say?" Asked Twilight, concern in her voice.
"It's nothing, she didn't say. I'll have to go talk to her in person." I say, tying to calm her down. "I'll need to get back to you about that spell Twilight; I'm headed to Canterlot." I said, jumping over the railing, to the door.
"Right now?" Starbright asked.
"Yep, you two lovebirds have fun." I said Jogging out the door. I could hear multiple protests as I left, and just laughed as I ran. Suddenly I was on the ground. I had been tackled by Rainbow-Dash.
"There you are! I've been looking all over for you!" She said, nuzzling my chest.
"You were? Why?" I asked, chuckling and clearing my throat.
"Well you suddenly bust out coughing, so I go get Applejack's help, and you're gone when I get back." She said looking half angry, half relived.
"Oh, that's where you went?" I asked.
"Well yeah, I wasn't gone for five minutes." She said, standing over me.
"You don't have to worry about the coughing. it's nothing really." I said, petting her head.
"It's not nothing you sounded like y-" She started but I cut her off with a kiss. The best way to make her drop anything. Her eyes widened at first, and then she just melted.
"Don't think... you'll get off... that easy..." She said weakly. Then the murmuring caught my ear... A crowd was gathered around the two of us making out in the middle of the street. Some mares were swooning, some giggling, etc. We both laugh nervously, our faces equally red, and stand up.
"So, umm... as you were saying?" I said, putting my hands behind my back.
"Yeah... uh... I forgot." She said flying up.
"Lets get out of here." I say, twiddling my fingers.
"Yeah, good idea." She said, flying by and grabbing my hand and pulling me forward. The girls behind us were all laughing.
We came to a place where we were alone, and stopped. I expected her to say something, but she caught me off guard with another kiss. No doubt 'revenge' for the kiss I gave her. She pulled away, letting out a deep breathy sigh.
"Now we're even." She said, fluttering above me.
"Really? Having trouble flying are we?" I asked, motioning to her stiffened wings. Her face turned red; I'm not sure if it was because of embarrassment or frustration.
"Having trouble walking are we?" She turned that around on me... My face was definitely red in embarrassment.
"Point taken." I said, putting my hands in my pockets. I suddenly remembered what I was doing.
"Dash, I'm going to have to go to Canterlot again." I said, and it didn't register just when I said it. After a second her snout crinkled, and she glared at me.
"You're leaving again?!" She asked, trying to look angry, but you could see the sadness creep onto her face.
"You can come if you want, it's only a short trip." I said regretfully.
"I can't, we have rain scheduled for today." She said with equal regret.
"I'll tell you what, I'll be back as quick as I can. You won't even know I was gone." I said, trying to comfort her.
"Alright, but you better make it quick big guy, or I'll make sure you don't leave again." she said threateningly.
"I'll keep that in mind." I said, kissing her forehead. She hugged my neck tightly.
"When are you leaving?" She asked, looking deep in my eyes.
"As soon as possible. It's really important." I said, smiling warmly.
"Right now?! You just got back..." She said in protest.
"I know, but something came up. I have to." I hugged her gently.
"Alright... Just get back here, or I'm coming after you." She said with a playful smile.
"Don't worry, you couldn't lose me if you tried." I chuckled.
"Goodbye." She said burying her face in my chest.
"Goodbye." I repeated, kissing the top of her head. After all said pleasantries were done I was on my way to Canterlot.
Flaunting my speed, I actually made it there faster than even I expected. Though how was I going to get in the castle?... I guess I'll have to sneak in. Doesn't seem too hard... It's just the most heavily guarded place in the world... A relatively peaceful world though. So I have a chance. I jumped the gate, ducked into the bushes, and crept slowly into the castle. It took quite some effort, but I did eventually make it in. I even remembered how to find Shallow's prison.
"Ah I see you got my letter." He said without even turning to see me.
"Yeah, I'll have to ask how you did that later. What did you mean I wasn't the first human in Equestria?" I asked, latching onto the bars.
"There was another, years ago." He said, looking bored.
"What happened to them?" I asked, genuinely curious.
"Banishment, exile, and imprisonment." He replied, walking slowly over to me.
"What?" I was confused, these things together made no sense.
"First he was banished by Celestia, he returned after banishment, and was exiled from pony lands... Then her returned again, feral, and nearly mad... He was then imprisoned, far, far away from here. He is still alive, out there... I can feel him." He said, looking out his window.
"Where? Where is he?" I asked.
Maybe he had a few answers for me.
"Calm down, if you want to know, you'll have to promise me something." He said, grinning at me.
"What exactly?" I asked, crossing my arms.
"Tell him I sent you. That is all." He said, trying to look innocent, but it's hard to look innocent through eyes like those.
"Alright... I'll do it. Where is he?" I asked, reluctant to accept what he had to offer.
"North of here, there is a mountain, he's at the peak." He said, making a illusionary map.
"Keep in mind, he may be as mad as a hatter by now." He gave fair warning. Maybe I should trust him. Am I being too critical? He hasn't lied to me yet. Am I judging a book by it's cover?
"Alright, I'll go there... and I hope I like what I see." I say, and his grin stretched across his maw.
"Perfect." He said with a light laugh. "Farewell on your journey. La bonne fortune de vous, mon ami." He said, and I couldn't help but feel a chill down my spine. At that I had to sneak back out of the castle, which wasn't any easier than getting in. I hopped the fence, and started running as fast as I could to the mountain Shallow showed me.
It was further than it looked on the map, I actually had to stop and rest a few times, but eventually I came to the foot of the mountain. Eerily enough there was a massive stone staircase. I climbed slowly, and as I did I was met with the most shocking sight. A colossal temple, complete with pillars, and human statues, carved out of the very mountain. I walked into the Gothic looking structure, and saw the very artistic sculptures of humans, but without faces. My admittedly bulky footsteps echoed through the halls.
"Hello?" I called out, and it echoed through the inner chambers.
"Get out!" A voice yelled back. "Ponies aren't welcome here!" He yelled, almost furiously.
"I'm not a pony." I called back.
"Pony, Ox, Griffin, or Zebra, I don't care! Get out!" He yelled again.
"Actually I'm human." I called back.
"A... what?" He said quieter this time, but he spoke before I could answer. "How do you know that word?" He asked, and I could hear footsteps.
"Because I am human." I replied, standing in the middle of the massive hall.
"Im... Impossible..." He said, coming into view. "No, there can't be another, I'm alone. All alone." He seemed to be speaking to himself rather than me. "No look at him, it's true, he must be. No it's a trick, you're tricking me again aren't you?" He said inching closer.
"I'm really here, Shallow Graves sent me." I said to him, and he stopped.
"Then... it's true? He kept his promise...? I'm free?" He said and stepped into the light. His body was decorated, or rather armored with bones, and he was wearing a cape of red and blue feathers over his shoulders.
"My God... what happened to you?" I asked with concern.
"Oh, I took to wearing the bones of those I hunted. No sense in letting them go to waste." He said, and though it was morbid, he had a point.
"Who are you?" I asked, and his eyes started searching.
"I... don't remember... I remember I was... a captain. Of what I don't know." He said, and as he got closer I saw he was bare-chested, but the pants were familiar. He was wearing part of a flight suit.
"Looks like you were in the U.S. air force." I said pointing to his pants.
"I was?..." He asked looking down, his feet were bare as well, other than the shackles on his feet.
"Yeah, and what's that on your chest?" I ask, and he moved a few bones aside. His chest was marked like mine, but he had a white star with a purple heart in the center. I wondered what it meant, but I remembered a purple heart in the military means you were wounded in battle. I wonder what it meant. He walked closer, and looked me over.
"Now why don't we get out of here, and head back to Ponyville?" I asked, and he stopped.
"No! I hate ponies!" He said angrily, stepping back again.
"Hate ponies? Why?" I asked, wondering how anyone could hate such nice people.
"They... did betrayed me... somehow." He said, looking off to the side. It seems he was so lost he forgot why he hated them, but kept hating for some reason. "I will not stand the presence of one of them..." He said, looking to me and growling. Suddenly the thought occurred to me; he had a cape of feathers, could they be... pegasus feathers? The thought scraped the inside of my skull.
"That's a bold accusation, but would you rather stay here?" I asked, and looked around.
"I guess... it's my only choice. Very well, we go to ... ugh, Ponyville." He practically spit the word out.
"Alright, I hope you can keep up." I said walking over to him.
"I should be saying that." He said confidently. I got on my knee, and grabbed his chains. They were surprisingly easy to break... why didn't he do it himself?
"Freedom! Finally! I am in your debt!" He cheered, and danced around.
"That wasn't very hard." I said, scratching my head.
"Why didn't you break them yourself?" I asked, and he looked me over for a moment.
"Ah! You don't have them, you're strong!" He said, and took my hand, pulling me to the mouth of the cave.
"What are you talking about?" I was slightly agitated by his answer. Then he stood in front of me, grinning widely.
"Oh it's been so long, I can finally be truly free!" He said, and with that, his cape unfolded from his shoulders... only it wasn't a cape... It was great, big, red and blue... wings.

Wings of Liberty

Author's note: Lets see if anyone can tell me what the song in this chapter is a parody of.

Wings... a massive pair of red and blue wings, sticking right out of his shoulder blades.
"You... have wings?" I blinked.
"And you are strong." He replied, flapping his wings. He must have had a thirty foot wing span.
"Look, you have my loyalty, but if I disagree with you I will voice my opinion. I will follow, but not without question." He said, and I have to admit, it looked intimidating.
"Alright, come with me to Ponyville. I know a place you can stay." I said, and he glared at me.
"Fine... but don't expect me to interact with those... ponies." He said, rolling his eyes.
"Why do you hate them? You don't even remember what they did." I said with a smirk.
"I do remember some things... Celestia betrayed me. The ponies didn't help me, and the other races feared me. I was supposed to be a hero..." He struggled to recall events that must have happened over a decade ago.
"It's alright, everything will come back to you, but for now, give them the benefit of the doubt." I said, offering my hand.
"Hmm... you're wise, but don't expect a warm reaction. If they remember me that is." He said, shaking my hand.
"Now if you excuse me, I have to stretch my wings." He said, and with a single powerful wing flap, he took off at breathtaking speed. A crack sounded trough the air as he picked up speed, and I knew what was coming. A cone of clouds surrounded him as light started to bend. It looked almost effortless as he burst through the sound barrier. Though it wasn't a sonic-rain-boom, as it only had red white and blue, it was still a fantastic sight.
I'm not sure if the coloring was ironic or magic, but he did look like a recruiting poster for the air force. I wonder if we were far enough away from Ponyville that they wouldn't hear it? It's hard to imagine just how it must feel to be out of that cage. He moved like a force of nature, he looked unstoppable. His military style of flying really showed. After his display was finished, he landed as swiftly as he'd left.
"It's good to be free!" He said, standing and displaying his wings. His eyes darted open, with a smile on his face. He let out a loud whistle, and his eyes started searching for something. A loud scree came from above us. I look up and see an eagle descending toward us.
"Sam! Look I'm free!" He said, as the eagle landed on his arm.
"Sam? Like Uncle Sam?" I chuckled.
"No, like Samson." He retorted snidely.
"Alright, alright. no biting." I held up my hands.
"Sam here brings-... brought me food. He was probably my only friend. I guess I can count you and Shallow now." He said, as the bird stood proudly on his arm.
"What did Shallow promise you anyways?" I asked, and he huffed a quick breath.
"He said he'd get me out of here eventually. He let me know it would be a long time, but I never expected it to be this long... twelve years." He said, and that made me think... twelve? He came here twelve years ago, during the last celestial event. It can't be a coincidence.
"How do you remember the promise after all this time?" I asked, looking off toward Canterlot.
"I guess when it's your only hope, it stays with you." He shrugged, and petted Sam.
"I guess... Well anyways, we should be going. I have someone waiting for me in Ponyville." I said, and he sneered.
"Fine, let's go..." He motioned for Sam to fly, and flew a few feet up. I started to run, and he flew just above me. We made it back to Ponyville while the daylight just began to fade to gray. As the main road cam into view, I head a commotion in town. Some indistinct chatter, and angry words could be heard.
"Pony squalor?... The world seems a little different than when I left." Said... I think I'll just call him Captain. He had his wings folded around his shoulders. We came closer, and a familiar voice shouted out.
"It was completely innocent!" The second familiar voice was shortly after. "Innocent?! You kissed my coltfriend!" God help me... I think I know exactly what's going on over there...
I stepped forward, seeing Rarity running from Rainbow-Dash.
"It was just on the cheek!" Rarity said running past me.
"You!" Dash zipped up to me.
"Why didn't you tell me she kissed you?!" She accused, and Captain gagged.
"Calm down. It was just a 'thank you' kiss on the cheek." I said, pulling my head back.
"Thank you kiss? Thank you for what?" She accused again.
"Unpacking boxes." I said calmly, trying to calm her as well.
"It's true, I hired him for it." Said Rarity, from behind me.
"Hired him?!" Dash looked mad... I'm not sure I want to know how she took that. She started to fly after Rarity again, but I grabbed her tail mid-flight. She yelped, and her flanks tensed up as I held her in place. She turned to me, red faced, and was about to speak, but I interjected.
"Calm down, Rarity didn't do anything wrong." I said, still holding her tail.
"But she-" She started, but ended with a disgruntled sigh. "Why are you sticking up for her?" She asked glaring at me.
"Because, you should be angry with me, not her." I said, and a volley of confused looks surrounded me.
"She was affected by my scent, and still only kissed my cheek. I on the other hand panicked and froze." I said, and she thought it over.
"Fine. I'll find you a proper punishment later." Dash replied, and shook her head. After a moment her eyes wandered behind me.
"Umm... who's you... friend?" Dash asked, pointing behind me.
"Oh! Dash, this is the Captain. Captain, this is Rainbow-Dash." I introduced them.
"Charmed..." He said sarcastically, looking bored.
"Likewise." Dash said glaringly.
"As you can see, he's a human like me." I said, and she looked at me.
"He is like you? I doubt that..." She said, crossing her hooves.
"Unlike you, humans praise individuality." He groaned.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Dash growled.
"Calm down, don't start fighting." I said and pulled Dashes tail again. She yelped a little higher this time, and grabbed at her flank.
"He started it!" She said, blushing darker.
"I'm ending it, now come on; we need to show him where he'll be staying." We came to Sweet Apple Acres, and up to the barn. Hopefully Applejack will be nearby so I can ask her if it's alright if he stays here. No such luck, Applejack was apparently out in town for whatever reason.
"I'm sure Applejack won't mind you staying, but I'll have to ask her when I get the chance." I said, opening the barn doors, and he walked past me into the barn.
"A barn... ironic. They're the animals, and we're the ones living like them." He looked around with a look of displeasure.
"Who are you calling an animal?!" Dash exclaimed, rushing forward.
"I called you all animals." He returned, not even bothering to look at her.
"Why I aught'ta-" She started, but I pulled her tail again. This time she expected it, and merely let out a grunt of displeasure.
"Captain, you can't just call them animals. They have feelings." I said, as he climbed up the support beam.
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I don't care if I hurt them; in case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly a master of social skills any more..." He said, sitting and looking down at me.
"He's got a point." I said, scratching my head.
"What? What're you talking about?" Dash asked, and looked at me.
"Oh... right... He was technically... in prison." i said, and her jaw dropped. "And you freed him?!" She grabbed my collar.
"Yes, yes, but with good cause!" I said nervously.
"It's true, he freed an innocent man." He said, waving down to her.
"If you were innocent, then why were you in prison?" Dash zipped up to him before I could grab her tail again.
"Dunno... Don't even remember." He said crossing his arms.
"You don't even remember? Then how can you say you're innocent?" Dash asserted.
"Being betrayed by the world leaves it's marks..." He said, not missing a beat.
"Sounds fishy to me." She rolled her eyes.
"Off topic, might I ask where you are staying?" Asked Captain, looking over to me.
"Well... I was staying here, but now I guess I'll have to find somewhere else. I'm sure somepony will take me in." I said, and he scoffed. "No doubt somebody will." He 'corrected'. Dash flew down to me, and whispered in my ear.
"Look, I don't trust this guy. He's mean, he's passive aggressive... and he stinks." She said, and I looked up at him.
"Well yeah, he hasn't bathed in twelve years..." I said matter-o-factly. If looks could kill, that's all I'm gonna say.
"Alright... just be careful around him." She sighed, and kissed me on the cheek.
"If you wouldn't mind... I'd prefer that you wait until you are out of my presence before you do... that." Said the Captain, hopping down from the beam, and landing surprisingly softly.
"Oh, what, that? That was nothing. This is something!" Dash exclaimed, and before I could get a word in edgewise, she kissed me deeply. Her piquant, savory taste all too familiar to me. If I were to describe this specific kiss in one word... stimulating. Not just because of the kiss alone, but how it was executed as well. Our breathing was rapid, and hot. She wasn't flying, but rather wrapped around me, (involuntarily bringing me to second base) allowing her wings to fully stiffen. Finally She let a breathy moan escape into my mouth, all being quite provocative in combination.
"Enough. Enough!... I said enough!" The Captain shouted wrathfully. His wings opened with fierce intensity, and the gust of wind that accompanied it actually blew me off my feet. I held Dash to my chest as we fell, taking the brunt of the fall. I looked up at him, to see him standing with his wings open, and a soul piercing glare in his eye... and on his cheek... a tear?
Was he crying?
"Captain... What's wrong?" I asked him, sitting up, and Dash was rubbing her head.
"I... remember." He said, grabbing his head, and shutting his eyes tightly.
"What do you remember?" I asked, as Dash stood up.
"Twelve years ago, I was banished because I was caught associating with Shallow. I was living in Canterlot castle, and... I was in love?" He said questioningly, and me and Dash both derped.
"She... turned on me... like they all did. I came back to plead her forgiveness, but she wouldn't have me." He said, and me and dash both looked at each other sadly.
"She called the guards, and I was exiled. Then I lived in the wilds, and Shallow told me that her life was in danger. I came back to save her, and I did, but when they found me... not one of them believed me. Not one." He growled, clutching his fists tightly closed.
"They said I was mad, they said I was trying to kill her, and in one last act of defiance Celestia gave her the right to judge me... She sent me away to be chained in the bowels of that wretched mountain forever." He roared, looking at Dash with hate.
"Not one of you help me... You all hated me..." He shook his head, looking at me just before falling to his knees and fainting.
"What just happened?!" Dash exclaimed, flying over to him limp on the ground.
"The stress of all those pent up emotions, along with the physical wear on his body, must have been too much to take... and he fainted." I said nudging his leg.
"Is that even possible?" Dash asks, and I lift him onto the bed.
"It's the only explanation I can think of, so it'll have to do." I mused, and turned to Dash.
"Sooo... umm... where will you be staying?" Dash changed the subject, trotting up beside me.
"I was thinking of asking Twilight." I reply with a random stretch and a yawn.
"Why Twilight?" Dash asked with a bit of a tone that I couldn't quite place.
"Well I think it would make her studies easier." I started to walk with a light limp in my left leg.
"Oh, well... you could always..." She started scratching at the ground.
"Always what?" I ask, opening the barn door.
"Noting, never mind." She said, a sweat dripping down from her forehead.
"Come on, tell me." I pleaded as she walked past me.
"No... You're going to laugh." She snorted.
"I won't laugh, I promise. Cross my heart, hope to fly." I said, covering my right eye.
"... Fine. I was going to say... You could always stay at my house." She tried to look cool, her flushing cheeks betraying her.
"Oh... Oh! No I couldn't possibly..." I said, blushing as well.
"That's why I didn't ask!" Dash said, sounding slightly insulted.
"No, I mean I literally can't. I can't walk on clouds." I said, and she stopped in her tracks.
"Oh... well... I forgot about that." She said, as I walked past her. We conversed random topics down the road to Ponyville. As we neared Twilight's tree Spike walked out, and was pulling a cart of very official looking scrolls. He either didn't notice or didn't acknowledge us, because he didn't say a word as we walked inside.
"Hey Twilight I-" I started, but was interrupted by Twilight.
"Perfect timing! I was just running trough my notes, and it looks like your element is twice as strong as any individual element of harmony, but half as stable. It doesn't look like it's actually suited toward harmony, but something similar to it." She said, scrolling and scribbling all the while.
"Yeah, I appreciate the update, but-" I was interrupted again.
"I suspect that it might be trying to compensate for being separated from the other elements of it's kind. Oh, and by the way, I looked up that spell you asked about, and I have almost all the ingredients needed." She continued.
"Am I going to be interrupted every time I-" I started.
"I'll have everything ready to cast by tomorrow afternoon, and you can get cozy with Rain-" She tried to continue, but this time I cut her off.
"Twilight, I actually did have a reason to come here." I said, rubbing my temples.
"Huh? Oh! Sorry, it's just you're so interesting! I need to record everything I can." She said, shuffling through notes.
"I know, I'm all for scientific advancement, but... well I'll get right to the point. I was wondering if I could spend the night here." I ask, sitting on the floor.
"I thought you were staying at Applejack's." She said mostly distracted by her reading.
"I was, but I lent my room to a friend." I shook my head.
"Hmm... sure, I don't see why not." Twilight smiled as she spoke. Rainbow-Dash, flew up to her by he desk.
"Hey Twi, can I ask you something... in private?" She asked, tilting her head to the balcony.
"O...k? Sure Rainbow." Twilight said, stretching as she stood up from her seat. The two proceeded out onto the balcony leaving me alone.
"...Aaaaand I'm alone... What do I do?" I asked my awkward self.
"I guess I could read, but I don't feel like reading... I could get something to eat... but this isn't my house... I could... there are so few things to do in a library house." I muttered to myself.
"I can use the telescope, but what would I look at?... guess I'll just stand here." I said, crossing my arms and tapping my foot. As my foot taps, I soon added the beats from patting my arm. I became apparent where this was going when my head started bobbing to the beat. A couple stomps, and claps later... I was singing.

Down the street sugar cube corner I find Pinkie Pie.
Muffins, Candy, and cake, she offers but I must deny.
All her life, all she's done, is plan parties she will throw for you.
Shooting her pies from a cannon, in a big hot air balloon.

"I thought it would be preferred." you said.
You said "It was a big surprise,
and the cake is red velvet!"

Ooh, she's a little pink souffle.
Pinkie's party bash, always bring a smiling face.
Ooh, she's a little pink souffle.

A different sight, every night.
As the stars are realigned.
Block party out on the street.
It really just blew my mind.

When you stay home alone,
you have gummy there to play with you.
You order streamers, games, and confetti,
dropped off by Ditzy Doo.

You know she danced with spike last night.
A dress of Rarity's design.
She's always makes time.
Thinks the world of a little smile.

Ooh, she's a little pink souffle.
Pinkie's party bash, always bring a smiling face.
Ooh, she's a little pink souffle.

"I thought it would be preferred." you said.
You said "It was a big surprise,
and the cake is red velvet!"

Ooh, she's a little pink souffle.
Pinkie's party bash, always bring a smiling face.

Ooh, she's a little pink souffle.
Pinkie's party bash, look at the confetti rain.

Ooh, she's a little pink souffle.
Pinkie's party bash, always bring a smiling face.

Ooh, she's a little pink souffle.
Pinkie's party bash, look at the confetti rain.

As my song faded to the end, I found Dash, and Twilight looking down from the second floor clapping and giggling.
"Encore!" Twilight cheered, and Dash put her hooves to her mouth and whistled. I kept up a bad poker face, and scratched my head.
"How long were you listening?" I ask, feeling the temperature of my face rising steadily.
"Just about the whole time." Twilight replied.
"Nice moves by the way." Dash said, and they both giggle.
"Ha ha... get your yuks, but singing is a lot more fun here than home." I said looking off to the side, and crossing my arms.
"Aww, don't pout big guy, I actually like your singing." She said hugging my neck from behind.
"Don't patronize me." I continued pouting, glancing back momentarily. I become aware shortly after, of a warm wet feeling on my neck. I turn my head slightly, seeing her kissing my neck.
"He-hey! That... feels... really good." I say as she kissed, and petted my head. Twilight was laughing as she descended the stares.
"Well aren't you two cute?" She said, and caught Dash's attention.
"No, he's cute. I'm awesome." She said proudly.
"I disagree." I said, in a British accent. "I find you quite adorable." I said, with said accent, turning and hugging her.
"Aaaawwwww!" Twilight let out causing a rather awkward silence. "Oops... Private moment. Sorry." She she said, and scampered off.
"Well... anyways, I'm getting tired. I'm going to head home." Dash said, flying up.
"Yeah, I should be going to sleep too." I said taking a deep breath.
"After a shower." I said with a chuckle. With that, she nuzzled my cheek, and said goodnight. Soon after she left, I realized I only had two sets of clothes. My leather, and what Rarity made me. Both were pretty dirty, so I guess I'm sleeping in my boxers tonight.
I went into the bathroom, started the water, and undressed. When I stepped into the shower, two things caught my eye.
One: the shower head being so low...
and two: Ponies don't have soap per-say but instead have bars of shampoo.
It makes sense, but for some reason I didn't expect it. I had to sit on my knees to shower, which admittedly felt kind of cool. I finished my shower some time later, stepped out, and started to dry off. I slipped into my boxes, and wrapped the towel around my waist for good measure. I looked in the mirror, and I looked ripped... Like Goku from Dragon ball Z ripped.
I stepped out of the bathroom feeling cleaner than I ever have before.
"Hey, up here." Twilight said from above me. I looked up to the next floor, seeing her waving down at me. I walk upstairs, and see she laid a mat out on the floor, with a pillow and blanket.
"You can sleep here for the night." She said, and I smiled.
"Thanks again for this, I can't tell you how much I appreciate this." I said, sitting down on the mat.
"No problem at all. I'm glad to help a friend." She said, trotting over to her bed.
"Again, thank you." I said, with a sigh.
"Goodnight." I said pulling the blanket over me.
"Goodnight." She responded,and with that the lights were out. I fell asleep quickly, and was met with yet another nightmare.
In my nightmare I stood in an endless bank of fog, and as I walked forward my feet made the distinct noise of stepping on grass. Soon a building came into view. It was Sugar Cube Corner. I walked up to the door, but it was locked.
I start to hear a loud thundering in the fog, and when I turn to see it, a stampede of pitch black bulls came into view. Hurrying out of the way, I hid around the corner as they ran past. As the last few bulls past me I noticed a few men on horses behind them. One of the men slowed to a stop in front of me. He wore black, brown, and grey; a long coat, cowboy hat, boots, and jeans.
"Better get on your horse boy... before you lose sight of your goal." He said, and the voice sounded like my father, but I couldn't see his face. He immediately started galloping off after the herd. I looked around, and sure enough there was a horse tied up on a post near bye.
I ran over, and jumped up on the horse's back, untying it as I went. As soon as the horse was untied, it started galloping off in the wrong direction, and kicks in the door to Sugar Cube Corner.
"Hey! Wrong way! Follow them!" I yelled, but it bucked me off inside the house, and ran away. I stood up, and looked around, seeing it empty and abandoned. No living thing had been here in years. I turn to see a pair of eyes peering out of pitch black in the doorway.
"So sad... you really tried to help... but in the end... You're only human..."
With those words I woke up. I sat up quickly trying to stop my heart from racing. I look around and the sun was barely peeking over the horizon.
"Had a bad dream did we?" Said a voice, and I quickly wheeled around to face Shallow who was sitting beside me.
"You scared the crap out of me!" I said, holding my chest.
"It's just an illusion, it's not like I could hurt you, even if I wanted to." He said with a bemused chuckle.
"How did you know I had a bad dream?" I asked, pulling my blanket off.
"Call it a bit of eavesdropping, a horrid habit really, but I can't help myself." He said with a hint of apathy.
"Is there a reason you're here?" I asked in an annoyed tone.
"I just stopped by to praise you on the freeing of our friend." He said standing and walking in front of me. "... Well that, and to ask you one more little favor." He said fervently.
"Another?" I asked adjusting my boxers as I stood.
"Sadly yes. I need you to send a letter for me." He said, shaking his head.
"A letter?" I said questioningly.
"Yes, my old delivery boy is... preoccupied." He said with a smidgeon of disgust.
"So now you want me to send a letter for you... why is this letter important?" I prodded, and he smirked.
"I doubt it would mean anything to anyone other than me and the recipient." He seemed to be slowly losing his temper.
"Seems simple enough." I said with a shrug.
"Wonderful! Oh, one last thing, go in disguise. I don't want you to be recognized." He said, looking at his front right hoof held in front of his face.
"Disguise...? Starting to look sketchy." I said furrowing my brow.
"No, no, no. I just don't want them to mistake you for the sender of the note. I'm sending them anonymously." He said, tilting his top hat back slightly.
"Hmmm... this reeks of trouble." I said, hesitating for a moment.
"Fine, I'll do it, but you owe me." I said reluctantly, and his face immediately lit up.
"Oh thank you, you beautiful boy! There will be no mistaking my gift to you." He practically cackled as he floated up in the air.
"Wow... you seem pretty giddy.." I furrowed my brow yet again.
"Just come to the castle, and the letter will be by my door. I'll provide your disguise." He floated inches from my face before disappearing into a sulfurous smoke, making me cough as I waved it off.
I quickly put my clothes on, and headed out the door, getting ready to head to Canterlot again. I was just about to shut Twilight's door when something hit me... hard. I fell in the dirt, and just looked up to see what hit me. The Captain stood over me, wings extended.
"You hit me?" I stated questioningly.
"Sherlock Holmes would be envious." He said sarcastically.
"Why?" I restated my question clearly.
"Because of that disgusting display last night..." He said offering me his hand. I took it, and he pulled me up.
"Ok, you've had revenge, now what?" I asked, dusting off.
"Now I am free, but have nothing to do... I'm bored." He said, and as if on cue, I heard the springy boing of a frolicking Pinkie pie.
"Hey Pinkie! There's someone I'd like you to meet!" I called out, and she zipped over to me at full speed.
"A new friend?!" She smiled like I'd given her a million bits.
"No! No, no, no! You can't do this to me!" He said pleadingly.
"Revenge is sweet." I chuckled. "Pinkie, this is Captain. Captain, Pinkie." I said, and backed away slowly.
"Ooo~! A Captain! What kind of Captain?! Do you have a ship, or are you in the royal guard?" I heard from Pinkie as I walked away. I started to run off to Canterlot, and followed the same path to sneak in as last time. This time it seemed easier than before. I made it down to Shallow's cell, and see him standing in front of the barred door, the letter sitting just in front of the door.
"You made good time." He said, grinning widely at me.
"Thank you. Now, where exactly do I send this letter?" I asked, and his eyes shifted side to side.
"To... Princess Luna's quarters." He said turning his nose up, and closing his eyes.
"Luna's..." I started, and then recalled my conversation with the princesses. "Ever since Luna's return, she's been getting love notes from a secret admirer... How many sent you a poem every day? That you read every day?" I looked up to him still frowning pridefully.
"You're... sending love letters... to Luna?" I said, and his eyes shot open.
"What?! No! Don't be ridiculous! The idea is completely preposterous!" He said, his eyes darting around the room.
"Oh? Then if I open this I won't find a poem?" I asked, waving it in front of him.
"No!... You'll find a song." He gave a defeated sigh.
"Fine, I admit it. I am indeed sending love letters to the enchanting, and ever so ambrosial Princess Luna..." He said, practically fawning over her.
"Someone was bitten hard by the love bug." I said with a smile.
"Alas it's true, but I am stuck in here. These are the only way I can ever speak to her." He said smiling sadly. I suddenly felt sadness ripple through my core.
"Don't worry, I'll make sure she gets it." I said, slipping it into my jacket.
"Speaking of. I don't think you'll need the disguise. Luna is asleep right now, just slip it into her room." He said walking weakly over to his bed.
"Alright... Goodbye Shallow." I said, and turned around.
"Thank you, and farewell brother." He said as I walked away. I, knowing where Luna's room was, from the dinner conversation, headed to her room. I had to sneak past a ton of guards, but I made it... I would make a good assassin... Shut up brain!
I came to her room, which had two guards at the front. So I had to climb though the window into her room. She was sleeping in her bed peacefully, so I laid the letter on her pillow, and scurried back out the window. I hopped out, and snuck out of the castle.
"Should I be worried that I'm able to sneak in and out of the castle?" I wondered, as I ran back to Ponyville. I shrugged it off, an as Ponyville came into my field of vision my pace quickened, and I stopped at Twilight's house. I hear people conversing and was unsure whether or not to knock. I was about to knock, when the door opened.
"Oh! We were just talking about you." Said Ms. Cheerilee.
"You were?" I was a little confused, but I was willing to guess Ms. Cheerilee has her fair share of scientific curiosity, she is a teacher after all.
"I was wanting to hire you to help me down a the school." She said, and stepped outside. Or she could have heavy boxes... that works too.
"Sure, just tell me what needs doing." I said leaning on the wall.
"I want you to show up and help me explain other races besides ponies to the children tomorrow." She said, pointing in the direction of the school. I stink at guessing.
"Sure, it shouldn't be that hard." I pondered.
"Oh good, I'm sure you'll do perfectly." She said with a smile.
"Thank you. It was nice meeting you Ms. Cheerilee." I said with a nod.
"It was nice meeting you too. Goodbye." She said, trotting off. I ducked inside, and stood next to Twilight.
"Hey Twilight." I said, closing the door behind me.
"Hey lover boy." She replied, and I was bewildered.
"Lover boy?" I chuckled, turning to her.
"Yep. I got that spell for you." She said, opening a book in front of me. It read: Caelumambulantem- Permanent cloud walking. My face involuntarily lit up.
"S-so... umm... Can you cast it?" I asked awkwardly.
"I can, but you have to drink this." She said, handing me a white vial. I shrugged, and drank it. It was mostly tasteless, other than a slight tang in the after taste. Twilight's horn started to glow, and my feet had a ring of blue light around them.
"What was that I drank?" I asked as she continued casting the spell.
"A bit of cloud, pegasus feather, rainbow, and bottled lightning." She said, and at that the blue light faded, and a cluster of white feathers popped out of nowhere.
"There! It worked." She smiled, and I returned the smile. Without even thinking, I picked her up and hugged her.
"Whoa there. Down boy." She said, patting my head.
"Sorry. I got excited." I said with a chuckle.
"I can see that." She said, as I put her down.
"Thank you for this. I owe you." I said, ruffling her hair.
"Well you can pay me back now. I have more tests for you." She said, gesturing to her door.
"I should have guessed." I rolled my eyes.
"Come on then." She said, and we started walking.

This fire in my skin

Author's note: I will dabble with doing a duet in this one. Let's see how it goes. ;)

I walked down the stairs, and into a room filled with strange devices and doohickeys.
"Is it alright if I say I am thoroughly intimidated?" I asked as we descended ever closer to said machines.
"Enough kidding, we have work to do." She said walking toward the closest machine.
"Right... kidding." I shook my head. We came to the first one, and she had me hooked up, and covered with electrodes.
"So this thing does what, exactly?" I asked standing awkwardly without my shirt.
"We're going to see how the element in you reacts to other elements, to find out what element it really is." She said, and pulled her element of harmony (the magic tiara) out of a box.
"This machine is really just a prototype, but hopefully it will work." She said, and I felt a slight relief. The machine started as she used her element, sending a constant flow of magic into a large antenna. Immediately after, a twinge of magical power shot though me as well. The energy seemed to flow into my mind, and before my eyes was summoned a massive expanse of knowledge. It flooded my senses, but as it faded into my control, I heard myself talking.
"Though one may seek peace in a world of war, he may often live without it. However if one should find peace in themselves, they may spread it to others." I heard my self say, and as Twilight stopped so did I.
"From all that we know, and what I just felt. I'd say your element is wisdom, plain and simple." Twilight said, jotting it down.
"Wait, wait, wait... I'm no wise man, how could that be my element?" I asked, and she looked confusedly at me.
"Sometimes, all it takes to be wise is an open mind." She retorted, and I was taken back. I really hadn't thought about it like that.
"Lucky I had the machine calibrated. We had to try at least five times with your fiend." Said Twilight, pulling out another machine.
"Wait... you mean the Captain has an element too?" I asked, unhooking myself from that machine, and slipping into the harness of the next. "Yep, his element was courage." She said, her horn glowing while she fed the machine.
"I can't see him doing anything for a pony." I said, with less discretion then I should have.
"He seemed relieved to be feed of Pinkie Pie for a while, but he didn't bother me." She said, fastening the harness around my back. Odd, did he just hold his tongue around her? Surely she would know what I meant had he said something.
"Never mind. Let's move on shall we?" With that I was focused on the machine.
"Ok; this machine measures the amount of magic affecting you." She said, flipping a few switches. It sent a light stinging, like static, through my skin. The meter on the machine rose steadily from the blue, to the green, then the yellow, but it didn't stop there. It pushed into the red, and the meter strained to keep moving, but it couldn't go any further.
"Exact same results." She said, marking it down on a scroll. We went on for a few more tests, none very interesting. Mostly just to monitor my pheromone output. It seemed that the pheromone levels were gradually rising, and would randomly spike at certain moments that we couldn't find reason for as of yet.
"Hmm... these reading are mostly inconclusive. We need an environment to test with, and a control environment." She said, and looked me over.
"Ok... what does that mean...?" I asked, and she brought out a scroll with diagrams of me, and a few ponies. There was a grouping of math I didn't know exactly what it was for, but I recognized it as a chemical formula.
"I'm going to need to judge your physical and emotional reaction to certain... stimulants." She said handing me a few more pages.
"I don't like the sound of that..." I said, raising an eyebrow as I looked through the individual pages. Each was a diagram of different types of pony.
"I don't have a diagram of you, because you insist on wearing cloths all the time so we're going to have to do that sometime as well." She explained, handing me the last page.
"I really don't like the sound of that..." I said, reading over the last page.
"Don't worry, I'll try and make the experience as enjoyable as possible." She said, and I gulped audibly.
"Somehow that doesn't console me." I said, and she wheeled the machines away.
"First thing's first. Take off your clothes, and stand over there." She said, pointing toward a well lit part of the room, and sitting with a blank paper at her desk.
"I'm sorry Twilight, but I really can't do that." I said, waving my hands in front of me.
"Come on, don't be shy. You sound like Rarity." She shook her head.
"It's for science." She said, levitating her pen in front of her. "I know, but humans have a vastly different anatomy than ponies. Especially something quite noteworthy." I said, and the word noteworthy caught her ear.
"What? It can't be that embarrassing can it?" She asked, and I scratched my head searching for words.
"Well... you see... umm... how do I put this? A few organs are... external." I said, and her eyes widened.
"External organs?!" She nearly had her jaw drop off her face.
"Yes, human males have a few very important external organs, and cannot uncover them unless they are alone... or under the correct conditions." I said, rather awkwardly.
"Well what are the correct conditions?" Twilight asked, and I knew this wasn't going to me over easy.
"The conditions are none of you concern, because you aren't going to be seeing them." I said, and regretted ever even telling her. Her curiosity is going to get the best of me somehow I know.
"Fine...I guess I can work with eighty percent of a diagram. Now then, lets's move on to the stimulant testing." She said, and I looked down at the papers.
"Out of the frying pan..." I said to myself.
"So, how will we be going about this?" I asked, and she trotted up stairs to the door. She called for Spike, who she conversed with for a moment before sending him off.
"Put on those electrodes in front of you." She said, standing at the top of the stairs, and I did. In a few moments Fluttershy flew in, and stood shyly in front of me.
"Hi Fluttershy, what's going on?" I asked, and she said something, but it was indecipherable through her squeaks.
"You're going to be testing the effects of stimulants on your pheromones." Twilight restated.
"What kind of stimulants?" I ask nervously as Fluttershy was hooked up with electrodes of her own.
"You're going to kiss her." She said, and I nearly fell off my feet.
"Does Dash know what you're doing?!" I ask sitting up quickly.
"Yep, and she's next after Applejack." Twilight said, as she switched on her machine.
"Am I dreaming? This is too weird to be real..." I said, pinching myself sharply.
"I-It's ok if you don't want to kiss me. I understand." Fluttershy said in the most freaking adorable little voice I've eve heard.
"For science?" Twilight offered, and I sighed.
"For science." I repeated, sitting in front of Fluttershy. We sat across from each other for a few awkward seconds before we both leaned in. We kissed, and she tasted sweet, and a bit like strawberry. As we parted, Twilight pulled out the results.
"As expected, the stimulant caused a spike in pheromone output in you, but on an unexpected note it seems Fluttershy emitted a counter pheromone." Twilight said, as she read.
"Counter pheromone?" I asked, and blinked confusedly.
"Yep, you were as affected as she was." Twilight said.
"Oh my. Is it my fault?" Fluttershy asked as her face flushed.
"No, it seems to be a natural reaction of a mare's body." Twilight said, and shuffled though her papers.
"Thank you Fluttershy, can you send down Applejack on your way out?" She asked, and I felt the dread of the next few moments sink in. Fluttershy left, and down came Applejack.
"Alright, I'm here. What am I supposed ta do?" Asked Applejack, sitting in front of me.
"Just lean in, and kiss." Twilight said, pen ready in the air.
"Alrighty, if ya say so." She said, closing her eyes as she leaned in. I was bout to close my eyes too, when I felt her hooves on me. One on my collar, one behind my head. She pulled me in, and really laid one on me. To my surprise, she didn't taste like apples... what're the chances? It was more of a cinnamon flavor. As the kiss broke my eyes were wide in surprise; something tells me she's been planning that.
"Whoa big spikes on both your parts." Twilight said, laying the chart aside. "Alright, just a few more mares. Applejack send down Rainbow-Dash please?" She said, and Applejack, trotted happily up the stairs. In a few moments a slightly agitated Dash, flew down.
"Twilight I was Ok with a few of them, but Rarity?" She said in an angry tone.
"Yes Rarity s important to the study." Twilight said, nudging her toward me.
"Fine, but make sure she only gets a short kiss." She huffed.
"Hey babe." I said, smiling at her.
"With me however, feel free to steal second." She teased... or at least I think it was teasing. She proceeded to push me onto my back, lay on me, and give me one long kiss.
"By Celestia's wingtips!" Twilight exclaimed, and we looked up to her. "Your kiss sent the machine into a frenzy!" She said, as smoke started coming from it.
"What did we do?" I asked, glancing at Dash.
"It looks like you mixed the pheromone with adrenaline, and it... well directly affected both of you libidos." She said, and both of our faces blazed red.
"So... every time we kiss-" Started Dash.
"You're stating a party for each other." Twilight finished, Dash and I looked at each other.
"That explains a few things." Said Dash, sitting on my stomach.
"Same here..." I said, and Dash raised a bow.
"Like what?" She asked, putting me on the spot.
"Well... honestly? You know the other day when I was in a hospital bed, and we kissed?" I started, and Dash nodded.
"Well I found myself staring at the haunches of both princesses for no apparent reason." I said bluntly and received odd looks from Dash, and Twilight.
"I'm not gonna lie." I said, shrugging off their looks. "... and what did you mean?" I asked Dash, who was taken back.
"U-uh...! I... don't know what you're talking about!" She said, shifting her eyes back and forth.
"You were affected too, don't lie to me." I smirked.
"Unlike you, I have some self control." She turned up her nose at me, and I snickered.
"Sure... You were probably checking out Big Mac or something right?" I teased.
"No I didn't! I was at home!" She insisted.
"Wait. Turned on at home?... Oh! Now I understand." I said, snickering louder this time.
"Wha?! No! I didn't mean-" She started, but I interrupted with laughter.
"You really are more human than I care to think about." I shook my head, and she put her hooves on my mouth.
"Shut up!" She commanded sharply. Twilight all the while had her head buried in her papers.
"Ok, Rainbow-Dash, moving on. Can you send down Rarity?" She said, trying to get as much work done as possible. Dash snorted.
"But...! Fine... but this isn't over." She grunted as she flew upstairs. We went on to test with Rarity, Pinkie pie, Vinyl Scratch, and a few other mares who volunteered. Twilight had some more tests to do, but I had jobs to do, bits to make you know. She eventually let me leave, and I was off on my first task.
It was an easy job, just some heavy lifting. I carried barrels of cider down into the apple family's cellar for Big Mac. Next I was helping Berry Punch fix her roof. While I was in the middle of laying down the tiles, when I heard a voice above me.
"Hey nimrod..." The Captain said, hovering above me.
"What is it?" I said, wiping sweat from my forehead.
"Have you heard from Shallow?" He asked, landing next to me.
"Not much, why?" I asked, looking up at him. "I haven't heard from him yet... It's strange. It's not like him to go without talking. He usually does just to hear himself speak." Said Captain, scratching his chin.
"I'm not one to prattle on when I'm unwanted." Shallow said appearing beside us, and scaring me to near death. The Captain however was unaffected, and actually seemed to expect it.
"Shallow, we were just talking about you." Said the Captain, crossing his arms.
"You know what they say, speak of the devil and all that." Said Shallow, with a tip of the hat.
"It's good to see you, old friend." Said Captain, smiling for the first time since he was freed.
"Come now old boy... It can't be that good to see a half dead, malnourished, old bag of bones like me." Said Shallow rolling his eyes.
"As mad as always I presume?" The Captain asked, and Shallow nodded.
"Forgive my interruption, but why exactly are you here?" I asked, laying another tile.
"Oh yes, you know that favor you did me? Well I found time in my ever so busy schedule to repay you." He said, adjusting his hat, and baring his fangs. Come to think of it, much of his appearance is odd... Ponies don't have fangs, he's as tall as Celestia, but he's not an alicorn. I don't even have to mention his eyes.
"Repay me how?" I asked, looking up at him from my side.
"It should be here any minute now." He grinned, and my confused eyes met with the Captain's.
"What do you mean, it should be here?" Asked the Captain, and as if on cue, we heard a commotion in town. I stood up to see the royal carriage rolling into town.
"That actually wasn't me..." Said Shallow looking surprised himself, and not pleasantly so.
"You two keep your heads down, I'm going to see what's up." I said, and hopped down off the roof. I walked over to see princess Celestia stepping out of the carriage. She immediately noticed me in the crowd, and started walking toward me, a stern look on her face.
"Is something wrong my Princess?" I asked, as Luna exited the Carriage as well.
"Yes, and regrettably you seem to be the suspect of a number of crimes." She said, and my eyes widened, as did the eyes of those in the crowd.
"I'm... what?" I asked, taken back.
"You'll have to come with us." Said Luna, a softer look on her own face.
"I'm not going anywhere without an explanation." I said, clearly with more authority than I possessed. This time the Princesses, and all onlookers were taken back. Clearly nopony had ever spoken to Celestia like that before.
"You overstep your bounds child." Said Luna, slightly angry.
"Humans aren't known for being docile things, nor do we obey without question. Answer me." I demanded, and Celestia was clearly angered now.
"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO COMMAND ME, BOY!" Said Celestia in her royal Canterlot voice. It sounded more demonic than I thought it would.
Everypony in the crowd had cleared a large area away from us. I stood stubbornly in a stare down with the most powerful creature in Equestria.
"Sister, perhaps we should just heed his request?" She said, being more reasonable than either of us.
"...Very well. You've been charged with breaking into the royal palace, consorting with known criminals, plotting against the crown, and treason." Celestia's words struck me like a sledgehammer.
"On what grounds could you possibly make these claims?!" I asked, eyes even wider than before.
"You were seen a number of times, sneaking around the palace by royal guards, and headed towards the cell of our most dangerous prisoner. One claimed to have seen you break into Luna's very room." Said Celestia... figures, I'm not exactly stealthy looking. I was seen every time I went in there probably.
"So you have the testimony of a few guards that I might have been seen in the palace, but that doesn't mean I was ever actually there." I said, trying to save myself from what would undoubtedly be years of persecution, and possibly life in prison.
"We didn't come without evidence." Said Celestia, and her horn began to glow. A large flare of light flew up, showing me talking with Shallow... Crap.
"Oh... Well that's... condemning." I said, face-palming.
"Now... You will come with us." Celestia insisted, and I sighed in defeat.
"HOLD IT!" Yelled the Captain, landing in front of me.
"What is the meaning of this?!" Celestia demanded.
"You will not do to him what you did to me." He said, and opened his wings.
"You were imprisoned. How did you get free?" Celestia asked, glancing at me.
"I broke myself free. My chains wore down with age; I merely outlasted them." He lied, but Celestia bought it.
"Regardless, it seems the both of you were found consorting with Shallow." She said, and the Captain growled.
"And? What did he do to be placed in his cage?" Asked the Captain.
"He planned to overthrow me." Said Celestia, and the Captain scoffed.
"Please. You imprisoned him because he was becoming more powerful than you!" The Captain insulted the princess, and even I cringed at the look she gave him. He still looked unphased by her.
"Mind your tongue." Luna said, stepping forward.
"Hold on!" I said, and everyone looked at me.
"I was there, fine, but I wasn't planning treason. I was delivering mail." I said, and Luna knew what was coming.
"I snuck into the palace to give Luna a love letter." I said, and now every set of eyes in town were on me.
"I already showed you we know of your speaking with Shallow." Said Celestia, and I crossed my arms.
"Who did you think it was from?" I said raising a brow.
"You mean... those letters... were from Shallow?" Luna asked, and looked almost sad.
"Yes, and I probably shouldn't have told you that... but it's better than going to jail." I said, and Celestia didn't seem to even remotely believe me.
"You expect me to believe that Shallow was sending love letters to Luna?" She asked, and I understood how flimsy my story sounded.
"No, I expect you to." Said Shallow appearing beside me.
"Shallow?! How is it possible?!" Celestia looked more scared than surprised strangely enough.
"As long as I've been locked away, I've been getting my strength back. I can do little more than make illusions, but it's better than nothing I suppose." He said, and Celestia took a step back. He then turned to Luna who wasn't nearly as scared as her sister.
"I suppose now that you've seen the face behind all those letters was a sickly thing as I, I'm not quite so romantic, eh love?" He said with a dishearted sigh. Luna wordlessly walked toward him, she raised a hoof to touch his cheek which passed through, and out his other cheek.
"Did you mean the things you wrote to me?" She asked, and he nodded.
"Then you are just as romantic as I imagined you." She said, and he smiled halfheartedly.
"Sister...? Do you believe them now?" Luna asked, and Celestia looked like she's suppressed her fear with her anger.
"No." She said simply, and Luna looked thoroughly shocked.
"No?" Luna said, not wanting to believe her sister's words.
"No. Shallow is devious, conniving, and untrustworthy. I can't believe a word from his mouth." Said Celestia, and Shallow closed his eyes. He looked like he was sad, but he expected her words.
"He's changed. He's spent decades in that place, rotting away, he's learned his lesson for whatever he did." I said pleadingly, feeling his pain myself.
"Save your breath brother. She clearly is incapable of forgiving me. No matter what you say, her mind will not change." He said opening his eyes, and holding his head proudly high.
"I accept my fate. I plan on spending the rest of my days in my cell, as I have." He said, and Celestia stepped forward.
"Not only that, but I will be strengthening the spell on your cell once I return." She said, and his eyes darted open.
"No! You can't!" He exclaimed, seeming frantic and fearful.
"I can and I will." She replied. "You'll kill me!" He barked, and Luna gasped.
"You know fairly well that magic is the only thing keeping me alive, if you cut me off... I will surely wither to dust!" He claimed, and his already fiery eyes burned with anger and fear.
"Sister you can't!" Luna exclaimed, turning to her sister.
"I will if I must." She said grimly.
"No! Please! I'll do anything! I'll- I'll- I'll-" He stuttered, but the Captain interrupted.
"You can't just kill an innocent man!" He said, stepping forward.
"He is not innocent! He caused the deaths of hundreds!" She claimed, and I looked at him, his face read as the guilt of the truth.
"It's true, I did, but that's not who I am anymore. I was drunk with power, and an angry drunk at that, but I know now that I was wrong! Their deaths were a tragic thing, and I am deeply... truly... sorry." He said, bowing his head, and tears streaming from his eyes. At this even Celestia paused.
"Sister...?" Luna said, and we all felt sorrow for this poor soul. Celestia seemed to doubt her decision, and everyone was silent.
"Perhaps... I was wrong. Maybe you really have changed." She said, and turned to walk to her carriage. Luna's face lit up, as did Shallow's, mine, the Captain's, and onlooking ponies.
"All of you, come with me." She said, and we all got in the carriage. We all sat silently, and she took us to the castle where she brought us to Shallow's cell. "Why did you bring us here?" The Captain asked, and Celestia turned to us with a smile.
"It seems I may have wrong about him. He just might have actually changed." She said, and I smiled.
"Sister... What did he mean when he said he would die?" Luna asked as we walked.
"Shallow... was in an accident long ago. He has been holding his body together with magic for twenty four years, that's why I didn't completely cut him off from magic. For a long time he blamed me for what happened." Celestia said; the Captain and I exchanged looks.
"What exactly did happen?" I asked, and Celestia sighed.
"I saw his potential with magic, and decided to take him as an apprentice. He had great power, but little control. The more I taught him the more his power grew, and the more reckless he became. I told him that if this continued, I couldn't keep him as a student. He was outraged, and in a fit of anger let loose a spell. This spell sent out a plague among the inhabitants of Canterlot; it would have spread out to all of Equestria had I not tricked him.
He accidentally gave himself the plague that he had caused, and was trapped in the palace dungeon. He staved off the plague, and it stopped spreading through himself, and the Ponies of Canterlot. I thought he would never regain his strength... Clearly I was wrong." She said, and we were all enthralled in her story.
We looked to Shallow's illusion, who was oddly quiet. Almost ominously so.
"How long was he supposed to be imprisoned?" The Captain asked, walking slightly slower.
"I was planning on keeping him imprisoned for five hundred years." Said Celestia, and the Captain only glared at her.
"Understandable, given the nature of the crime." I said, hanging my head slightly.
"Why would he react in such a violent way to such a little thing?" Luna asked; I was wondering the same, but didn't come to ask.
"It... may have meant something more to him than an apprenticeship." Celestia replied.
We came to Shallow's cell, and we saw his illusion fade. We looked through the bars to see a much more withered Shallow. His ribs and spine shown through his skin, his brown fur was short and thin. His skin underneath looked pale and almost sickly. His black mane and tail were unkempt, and greasy. His eyes the same fiery shades of red, yellow, and orange, with pupils like small coals in the center. His hat atop his head though... seemed untouched by time.
"Now you see me as I have lived in here, corroded and broken. What point have you to make by coming here, and seeing me like this?" He almost sounded as if to plead for us to leave.
"I wish to offer you a deal." Celestia said, and his ears rose.
"A deal?" He repeated back to her.
"Yes. If you agree to use your powers for the good of Equestria, and return to being a force for harmony as my student... I may set you free." She said, and he seemed shocked, to shocked even to speak. He merely blinked, and rubbed his eyes.
"Do mine ears deceive me? Am I hallucinating again? A cruel dream of hope my mind has conjured from the depths of my id? No this is real, I can feel the floor under my hooves, and the weight of my hat. I can truly be free?" He seemed to be reveling in his own delight as he walked over to the door.
"Luna..." He said, looking to her.
"Yes?" She answered, looking expectantly at him.

Shallow Luna Both

It starts with one word.
I don't know which.
Doesn't even matter which one you pick.
It's like we just click.
Feels like I swallowed a salt lick.
Like a kick to the stomach.
I don't know.

The things tomorrow will bring.
Your heart is a maze but I have wings.

Watch you fly by and far away.
We'll be together at the end of the day.
It's so ideal.

So many years alone.
Tomorrow you'll have more than just a window.
The days drag on.
You didn't even know.
No tears at all as I stand below!

I was locked up inside.
Every tear I cried, came from the heart.
All you mean to me, will probably be a jubilee, of the soul, and why

We are so close, and yet so far.
But in the end, our love is all that matters.
We had pit falls, we had cell walls.
But in the end, our love is all that matters.

One word.
I don't know which.
Doesn't even matter which one you pick.
It's like we just click.
Like a kick to the stomach.
So we'll always remember how
We got these scars.

But now I'm finally free
of these chains that are binding me.
Remembering all the letters you wrote to me.
I'm glad that we can finally be together.

I wish I knew what I was looking for.
To think my life will change with an open door.
I'm ashamed of things I've been.
but you will forever be my best friend.

I've been trapped inside.
I've been trapped on high.
And I'm falling apart.
All you mean to me, will probably be a jubilee, of the soul, and why

We are so close, and yet so far.
But in the end, our love is all that matters.
We had pit falls, we had cell walls.
But in the end, our love is all that matters.

I give my love to you.
Flown so far that I don't know.
With all this there only one thing we both know.

I give my love to you.
Flown so far that I don't know.
With all this there only one thing we both know.

We are so close, and yet so far.
But in the end, our love is all that matters.
We had pit falls, we had cell walls.
But in the end, our love is all that matters.

Say what you wish, but that brought a tear to my eye. The Captain and I both stepped away from the door, and Celestia slipped her horn into a node in the wall. With a glimmer of light she pulled away and the door made a ghastly groan as is descended into the floor.
Shallow stepped slowly out of the cell, and as he did his skin mended, his fur grew, and he was filled with a new vigor. He was positively glowing... in fact his eyes actually were glowing.
"After so many long years, I feel the sweet caress of magic flowing through my veins." He sighed with relief, and Luna walked up to him.
"Ah Luna my love, I finally can feel the silk that is your fur against my hoof." He said, gently touching her cheek, and she blushed. They leaned in, kissed each other softly, and now they were both almost glowing. They parted, and smiled; hers a gentle, warm smile, and his a large goofy grin. Seeing his sharp fangs... I wonder if that effects their kiss?
"This is incomparably, and foremost, the best day of my life, nonpareil." He said with extuberant charm.
"Shallow, now that you are free... what will you do?" Celestia asked, and he turned to look at her.
"Well first I'm going to see how much stronger I am now that I'm free. Then I'm going to take a walk... Finally I'm going to call all my friends." He said, walking past us.
"Your friends?" Celestia asked confusedly. "Oh yes, I've been able to make illusions for years, I was able to interact with many ponies outside. Some I am quite fond of." He said with a chuckle that sent shivers down my spine.
"Come! Follow me! I want you all to see just how strong I am!" He said, trotting gleefully down the hall. I can't be the only one having second thoughts, can I?

The devil you know

We followed the elatedly skipping horse down the corridors to the palace and out onto a balcony. "Now witness my first act of freedom!" He laughed, and thunder could be heard despite the clear skies. In a matter of seconds four bolts of lightning crashed into the platform in front of him. "Enter my four horses!" He grinned, and looked back at us.
"Victory." He said, gesturing to the first, a white unicorn the same size as he, with a spiky white mane, and red eyes. His cutie mark was a bow and arrows.
"Wayland!" He said gesturing to the second, a dark red earth horse (not a horse from earth mind you) with a light red mane, and black eyes. Again the same size as him, but with a sword cutie mark.
"Euna!" He said gesturing to a black pegasus, this time female, with a poofy black mane and red eyes. She was again the same size as him, and had measuring scales as a cutie mark.
"And, last but not least, Fallout!" He said gesturing to the last, and strangest of the four. He was green at the hooves, but as your eyes move upwards he gradually turns white, and had a gas mask on... He had a radioactive trefoil as his cutie mark, and no mane or tail. They seemed oddly surprised to be there... other than Fallout that is, who showed no emotion.
"Shallow? What's going on?" Asked Victory, looking down at his hooves.
"Don't you remember our deal?" He responded with a chuckle.
"You made a deal too?" Asked Wayland.
"You all did. Well... all but Fallout." He said, gesturing to the silent, motionless one.
"So why are we here?... and how are you free?" Asked Euna. "Time off for good behavior." He chuckled. "But to answer your question, I need you all with your new-found strength to do my will, now that I am free." He said, turning back to us with a toothy grin.
"What's going on here Shallow?" Asked Celestia, stepping forward.
"I'm gathering an audience! What good is a spectacle without an audience?" He asked, and walked over to the edge of the balcony. "Now! Behold my awe inspiring power!" He said, and started walking on air. He walked up into the air as if there were invisible stairs. He raised his head high, and the sky darkened, as if the sun itself had run away in fear. His eyes glowed as if engulfed in a mighty flame.
"THIS IS BUT A FRACTION OF WHAT MY WILL BECOMES!!" He yelled, his voice booming throughout all of Canterlot. Just as he said that a great wind came from the north, and dark clouds whirled around the castle. His laughter became more raving by the second until finally the clouds formed into the shape of himself, and ignited into an awesome display of pure power. With this final display, the visage dispersed into a shower of glimmering sparks, lightening the sky just before the sun returned. With that he stepped down, and back onto the balcony.
"Well, what did you think?! Wasn't is absolutely spectacular?!" He said prancing around in front of us.
"You're even stronger than I remembered." Celestia said with a realization that his power outmatched even hers.
"Oh I know, but how was the show?! What did you all think?!" He asked looking to all of us.
"It certainly was breathtaking." I said, not sure if I was scared or impressed.
"Nothing short of miraculous." Said the Captain.
"Absolutely wonderful!" Said Luna excitedly, she was probably the only one truly excited to see this.
"Oh positively smashing! I knew you'd love it!" He said, and turned to his 'friends'.
"Wow... that's nothing like what you used to do." Said Victory.
"Though it was intimidating." Wayland said, turning to him.
"Astounding..." Said Euna.
"What about you?" Shallow said walking up next to Fallout, who stayed silent. "Come now, don't disappoint our readers!" He said, tilting his head to the side. Fallout remained quiet. "Well he never was much of a talker, but he's loyal." Shallow said, and walked up to us.
"This will be a most glorious day in history!" He said, and began walking down the hall.
"Wait, Shallow Graves." Celestia said, and he stopped dead in his tracks. "There is much we must discuss. Meet me in the throne room." She said, and he gave an inquisitive look.
"As you wish, Princess." He said without his gleeful smile.
"Come with me sister." Said Celestia, and Luna nodded. "You two, go back to Ponyville. I think you both are more needed there." She said, and continued off down the hall.
"As you wish." I said, and the Captain and I both started to walk away.
"Did that seem... a little too easy to you?" The Captain asked out of the blue.
"Now that you mention it, yes." I said, scratching my chin.
"Something stinks." He said, with a narrow gaze.
"Yes, but we have no evidence of anything, or even a clue as to what." I said, reaching into my pockets.
"Actually we do... remember? Shallow mentioned a deal with those horses?" He said, and I nodded.
"He made deals with both of us too... Why do you think that is?.. and what deals did they make?" He asked, and I felt my mind making connections.
"Yes... and that one, Fallout. He is the only one that didn't make a deal." I said as we passed through the archway into a staircase. We continued conversing until we got to the front gates. We came to no conclusion, there were still to many missing pieces to this puzzle. We headed down to Ponyville, and were met with the eyes of surprised ponies.
"You don't think they thought we..." I started, but I was quite abruptly cut off. A blue blur, and a tackle had me on the ground in half a second.
"You're ok! I thought you were dead! Don't you ever do that to me again!" Rainbow-Dash said, frantically kissing me.
"It's fine... I just had to... explain a few things... to the prin... cesses." I said between kisses.
"I don't care." She said nuzzling my cheek warmly.
"Need a room?" The Captain said sarcastically.
"Cap'n!" Pinkie called out, glomping him as well.
"Do you?" I asked in trollish response, as Pinkie hugged him.
"Shut up!" He said angrily.
"Where'd you guys go? I haven't seen you all day! I've been wanting to ask you a few things, like what's it like to have hands instead of hooves? Why are your muzzles so short? If you're the first human to have wings, why did you already know how to fly?" She went on and on with her questions, and the Captain trudged off with her on his heels. Dash and I resumed our 'pleasantries' as I stood.
"You know there's really no need to worry about me." I said, and she shot me an unimpressed look.
"Really? All the times that you've had me worried since you got here are starting to pile up." She said, and I wondered what she was talking about. Obviously it showed on my face, because she sighed, and started reciting. "Your coughing, your falling from a building, your not taking medicine, and now getting taken away by the princess?" She said, and it occurred to me... I am a freaking mess.
"Wow... I really am a walking time bomb huh?" I said, percing my lips.
"Darn right you are, but that's why I love ya." She chuckled.
"You, what now?" I said raising a brow. Suddenly realizing what she said, her eyes darted to mine.
"I-I said, umm...." She tried to think of a replacement word but nothing came to mind fast enough. "I uh... gottagobye!" She said, and zipped off in some random direction.
At this moment I realized... I have absolutely nothing to do... so I started walking down to Sweet Apple Acres, but halfway there I remembered the cloud walking spell. I can head by Dash's house! I could surprise her by waiting for her there. I remembered where it was, and found myself directly beneath it in minutes. I crouched down, and leaped as high as I could, but it was too high. Then I backed up, and tried to get a running start, but again still too high. Finally I found a tree nearby, and jumped from there. This time I made it by the skin of my teeth. I grabbed hold of the cloud's edge, and pulled myself up onto it.
I walked up to the front door, which was unlocked, and walked inside. It was amazing really, it was like being on top of mount Olympus with the Greek gods. It felt like I could look out the window and wave to the neighbors Zeus and Athena. I walked around for a while, checking out the rooms, and the awesome cloud furniture. Eventually I came, and just sat in a cloud chair in the living room. It was so comfy, I almost fell asleep on contact. I reached in my pocket, and pulled out my knife twirling it around my fingers. After a few minutes I start to wonder how much she actually comes by her house... does she always come home, or does she do like Skyrim, and use it to store her stuff? It must have been about an hour before I nodded off.
As I was sucked into the realm between consciousness and darkness, I felt something off about my nightmare. It was actually something I'd 'felt' since I made came to Equestria, but it wasn't like this... My nightmare began in a place I'd seen before. It was Shallow's cell.
"Ah! You're here sooner than expected." Said Shallow, looking at him with his usual vigor, but his fur looked.. greenish.
"Listen closely, I haven't much time! There is something very important I need you to see." He said, and my voice came into focus.
"You want to show what to me?" I asked scratching my head.
"Don't talk, I'm having a hard enough time invading your dream as it is." He said, shaking his head.
"You're jacking my dream?!" I exclaimed, shortly followed by a face-hoof.
"I just told you not to speak... you had one job!.. Never mind, it's fine. Just watch, and listen." He said, his heavy lidded gaze biting harder than his words. The scene disintegrated into shadow, and formed into a cave.
"What is this?" I asked, and he gave me the 'are you freaking kidding me' look.
"This is a cave off the coast somewhere. Now stop talking and look!" He said and pointed up to a beam of light coming from a hole in the ceiling.
There in the beam of light was a skeleton... not a pony, or a griffin... a human skeleton. Even more odd was there on it's forehead was a large horn. I looked for a while before Shallow came up to me.
"She was here before either you or 'the Captain' as you call him. As nice as Equestria may be, she saw the brunt of the cruelty of a forest even deeper than Everfree." He said, looking up at the hole.
"I believe it was a manticore, but it's been far too long to remember." He said siting beside it, oddly seeming... sympathetic.
"Why are you showing me this?" I asked, and he sighed in frustration.
"This poor fool came here long before you did. She saw Equestria before any other human, and look where she ended up." He said, motioning to the dank surroundings of the cave.
"And?" I said, restating my question.
"And, let's just say Humans have a history of banishment in Equestria..." He said, and the weight of the statement was heavy on my chest.
"So... Celestia?" I asked, almost in disbelief.
"Yes, you finally understand! I want to warn you! Celestia isn't the kind ruler you think." He said, and he could tell the suspicion in my face.
"Now I would never try anything against our 'beloved' princess, but I need you to know to question her judgement. Never follow without question." He said, and walked over to the skeleton.
"Why did you take the time to show me this?" I asked, and he sneered at me.
"I know you're asleep, but pay attention. Your gift will be arriving soon..." He said, before fading away into darkness.
"Wait!" I said, but I was shocked awake.
I was... in the apple family barn.
"Ugh... My head feels awful..." I said bringing my hand up to my forehead... but it felt different. I looked at my hand, or rather, lack there of. I raised both my arms, and at the end I see... hooves. I scrambled to my hooves, and fell forward, now being unable to stand. I tried to get up, but I continued to fall forward. I stood on all fours, and saw my arms and legs covered in grey fur.
I stumbled forward, trying to understand how to walk, and barely succeeding, but probably looking like an idiot. I walked up into the apple house, and snuck into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror, and saw a grey pony with blue hair, and blue eyes.
"I... I'm a pony... I. am a pony..." I gulped, at the realization. Stranger still, my voice was even different. I placed a hoof on the glass, and my eye twitched.
Suddenly the bathroom door opened and I saw Applejack walk in.
"Umm... Hello?" She said, and my eye twitched again.
"Hello... Hello? He- heeeeelllllloooooo. Helloooo. Hello." I fumbled around with my new voice.
"Hi." She repeated, seeing a stranger in her house must have been creepy enough without my weird greeting.
"May I help you?" She asked, stepping back once.
"That depends..." I said looking back in the mirror.
"On what?" She asked, raising a brow.
"On if you have any idea what happened to me." I said, looking at my hooves.
"What...?" Applejack looked more confused than ever.
"I woke up in your barn, and have no idea why, and- Oh look at that! I can flip my ears!" I said, and flopped my ears back and forth an up and down.
"Yer startin' to scare me hun." She said, and I turned back to her.
"I'm so sorry... I'll be going." I said, wobbly walking out of the bathroom.
"Why are you walking like that?" She asked, walking beside me.
"You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you." I said continuing to walk.
"Try me..." She said, and I nudged the door open with my nose.
"It's me... the big guy. The human. I was turned into a pony somehow..." I said, and continued walking like an idiot.
"Wait what?... You mean to tell me you just randomly turned into a pony?" She asked, and I nodded.
"I have no idea how, or how to prove it..." I said, and she took a sniff of me.
"Well you do smell like him." She said, and I looked back at my side.
I see my cutie mark was still the same as well.
"Ah! I still have the cutie mark!" I said, and smiled. Applejack looked, wide eyed, and bewildered.
"Now just how did you go about turnin' yourself inta a... rather strapping stallion?" She said eyeing me up and down.
"I Don't know, I-" I said, and tripped forward. "Just woke up like this!" I said, blowing my mane out of my face. I quickly pushed myself back up into a sitting position, and Applejack came up in front of me. I stood up as she walked, and... I never noticed how nice a flank she had before...
What am I thinking?!
I stumbled forward again, and she giggled.
"Somethin' wrong sugar cube?" She said, looking back at me.
"Yes, something is very wrong..." I said, standing back up.
"What is it, having trouble walking?" She asked, and I sighed.
"Something like that..." I said, and she shook her head.
"Come on, just do like I do." She said, and started walking slowly.
"Ok... ok... Just one hoof at a time." I said with a gulp.
I went on to try to walk with Applejack for about half an hour. I started to get used to the movement after that, and we made it all the way back to Twilight's house. I knocked on the door, and started to tap my hoof impatiently. Applejack didn't seem in any hurry... actually come to think of it she might have actually preferred me this way. Which was completely understandable, but still. The door opened and there stood Twilight, with a smile.
"Oh hello Applejack... and, who's this?" She asked, looking at me.
"Does this answer your question?" I asked, turning to show her my cutie mark.
"Yeah that was my reaction too." Said Applejack, and I turned to see Twilight's wide eyed look. She let us in, and I walked inside with Applejack. Instantly I felt a very unsettling disturbance.
"No... Oh no... Not good!" I said, and both Twilight, and Applejack turned to me.
"What?! What is it?!" Twilight asked, looking around.
"I have a major problem!" I said, and started trotting in place.
"Well spit it out! What's wrong?!" Asked Applejack.
"I have to... have to pee." I said, still trotting in place.
"...Pee?" Said Twilight. "That's your big emergency?" She chuckled.
"You don't understand, I don't know how! I need help!" I said, hopping in place. suddenly the realization of just what I meant sunk in.
"Can't you just figure it out?" Asked Applejack, her face as red as Big Mac's.
"That's bloody easy for you to say, now isn't it!" I snapped, and I probably shouldn't have, but... I freaking had to go!
"Calm down, I'll take you." Twilight said, and opened the bathroom door. I leaped through as fast as I could, and started trotting in place again. She closed the door behind her, and turned to see the pleading look on my face.

For comedic and censorship purposes this scene will be done from the view of third person.

Man Twilight
"Alright... first thing's first. Pull it out of the sheath."
"How do I do that?!"
"I don't know! Just... do what feels natural!"
"Ok... I think I got it... There, now what?"
"Oh... wow..."
"What? Is something wrong?"
"N-nothing, never mind. Now just aim it."
"Ok... how?"
"Just use your hoof."
"But I don't know how to grab things with my hoof!"
"Then what are you going to do?!"
"...Use your magic."
"What?!"
"Well I can't do it, and unless you want to use your hoof, your magic looks like the only way."
"B-but... oh fine!... But you owe me!" *shimmer*
"* releasing the floodgates* *sigh of relief*"
...Awkward silence...
"Umm... Thank you... Twilight Sparkle... for your... help..."
"How about we never speak of this again?"
"Agreed..."

The door opened, and we both walked out, seeing a traumatized looking Applejack.
"You. Heard. Nothing." I said, and glared at her.
"Pinkie pie promise." Said, Applejack, covering her eye. I sighed, and sat down in the living room... thinking about what could have happened... when a few words echoed through my mind... "Your gift will be arriving soon..." No... No he couldn't have... could he? He was going to give me a gift... could this be that gift? I mean there are up sides to being a pony, a better sense of balance, being able to sleep standing up, or lying down, or digesting grass, better senses, better night vision, only having to sleep a few hours a day, and... being a pat of a herd.
I'm a pony now, I could fit in perfectly with everyone in town. I would look just like them, and maybe look good to them... Maybe Dash would find me handsome like this? We could even start a family, if she would like that sort of thing. I wouldn't be an alien anymore.
Maybe this really was a gift.
"Hello? Anyone home?" Applejack knocked on my head.
"Huh? Wha?" I said, suddenly pulled back into reality.
"We were asking what's the last thing you remember happening?" Twilight said, as if to remind me.
"Oh! Umm, yes! I fell asleep in Rainbow-Dash's house." I said, and the both of them looked at each other.
"You don't think this is what happens when a pony, and a human..." Twilight said, looking at Applejack.
"Nah... well maybe..." Applejack replied, looking at me.
"...Hold on! No! That is not what happened! I only fell asleep in a chair, and woke up in a barn." I said, with a huff.
"Relax sugar! Don't get your tail in a twist. You say nothin' happened, nothin' happened." Applejack chuckled, and I snorted.
"Thank you... Now how are we going to explain this to Dash?" I asked, swishing my tail.
Suddenly a pop cracked through the air, along with streamers, and party horns.
"You could spell it out for her a great big cake! That way even if she thinks it's bad news, she'll have some good news!" Pinkie said appearing out of the confetti cloud.
"Pinkie? When did you get here?" Twilight asked, with an amused smile.
"I was here the whole time. Me and the Cap'n were on the balcony. The words hit me with a pang of fear.
"I forgot about the Captain! Is he still human?!" I asked, wheeling around and meeting eyes with Pinkie.
"Yes he is, and still all sulky, or more like brooding with a dash of mopey." She said with her cheery tone that was bound to give you diabetes.
"Is he still out there?" I asked, inwardly pleading.
"Nope, right now he's..." Pinkie stopped mid sentence, and started shivering.
"What's up with... oh! Your Pinkie sense!" I said, and she nodded through her shivers.
"Something's gonna be a doozy!" She said, and sort of... vibrated toward the door.
"Don't worry, I'll follow Pinkie, you two start figuring stuff out." Applejack said, and ran out the door.
"First thing... I need to learn how to pick things up with my hoof..." I said, catching Twilight's ear.
We went on for a few minutes as she taught me the basics of being a pony. Simple things, like turning my ears, lifting things with my hoof, and how to eat. It didn't take nearly as long as I thought, and in even less time than it took me to learn to walk.
"Ok... Ok... I think I got i-no!" I said, dropping a quill. "I can only hold things for a few seconds." Twilight giggled at me.
"Close enough." She said, trotting over, and fixing my hair for me.
"It will have to do for now." I said, unwary of Twilight's actions.
"I need to figure out what's going on. I just-" I stopped when I distinctly heard a sniff. I looked to the side for a second, and the tip of my nose touched Twilight's. "Umm, Twilight. What are you doing?" I asked, as she smiled.
"I don't know. I just... need to scratch an itch..." She said, leaning in as I leaned away. I leaned away further, and fell onto my back. Twilight didn't stop when I fell, but crawled on top of me instead.
"Twilight this isn't like you. What're you doing!?" I stated as her cheeks began to flush. I felt her hoof on my chest as she started to close her eyes. "Twi-" I started, but her lips met mine suddenly, and I felt her body lie on top of mine. She seemed to be much more affected than before, but what did I do to cause this? She pulled her lips away taking deep breaths.
"I'm sorry I just... can't help myself." She stared, and her hoof slid down my chest.
"That's quite far enough thank you." I said, trying to crawl away on my elbows.
"Wait, I-" She started, pulling me back, but a quick kick off the floor, and I slid away. I got to my hooves as fast as possible, and took for the door. It suddenly closed in front of me, and I tried to open it but grabbing was hard enough when I wasn't panicking.
"Hey there, big guy..." I never thought a seductive tone was scary before today... I finally got the state of mind to pull the door open, and leaped forward. I felt her hoof grab my back hoof. I shook my hoof free quickly and ran down the street. I think I lost her over the bridge.
"Why does this keep happening to me?! Why couldn't I have this problem back on earth?!" I exclaimed quietly, and sat in the stream of quietly flowing water. I waited for a while before leaving, and when I actually did, walking through town seemed normal... at first. After a few minutes I noticed I was being followed. A small gathering of mares were about ten steps behind me. Most notably, Lyra, Bon-bon, and Colgate. The rest I didn't recognize. After a while it got to be too odd, so I stopped, and turned to them.
"Excuse me ladies, may I help you?" I asked, and they all started looking around, possibly choosing who would answer. Finally Lyra stepped up to the plate.
"Who us?" She said, motioning to herself.
"Yes, you seem to be following me, might I ask why?" I asked, and held her hoof over her mouth.
"Umm... I don't know..." She answered, and I sighed.
"That's what I was afraid of." I said with a smirk. "Alright, do as you please... just try not to stand to close." I said, and started walking again. Not ten seconds after, the girls had closed half the distance between us. I started to walk faster, and they did the same. "Lord have mercy." I said as I heard the sound of running behind me. I started running away, and glanced behind me for a second, seeing a few of them very close behind me.
"Why are you chasing me?!" I asked the crowd of mares behind me.
"I don't know!" I heard called from the one closest to me.
"What's going on?!" I yelled into the air, quickly tuning a corner, and the crowd ran past.
"You don't know? I thought I made it obvious..." Said Shallow, who had just conveniently popped up next to me. He adjusted a black tie around his neck, and gave his usual toothy grin.
"Shallow? What did you do to me?!" I asked, for once looking up towards him, when a sudden sense of... dread came over me.
"I made you a pony, as my gift to you." He said, and I couldn't help but cringe despite there being no malice in his voice.
"Yes, but what about that." I said, pointing to where the crowd had just past.
"Oh yes! Merely a side effect." He said, waving his hoof.
"A side effect?! I'm being chased by a mob!" I whisper/yelled.
"Well... what can I say? I've been in jail for over twenty years, and got a marefriend the same day, what do you think was on my mind?" He chuckled mischievously, his fiery eyes seeming creepier by the second, and his pupils seemed ever more unnatural.
"Look, I get that you are trying to do me a favor, but I am being hunted by girls..." I said, checking around the corner.
"You don't know how lucky you are. I used to have fun with people all the time, but it was by scaring them. I only made you irresistible." He said, and lowered his face close to mine.
"I don't know... this is pretty scary..." I said, glancing to the side.
"Oh dear boy," He let a light breathy laugh. " you don't know real fear." He said, and with his tone... I believed him.
"Right... well, I hate to return a gift, but can you change me back?" I asked, and he smirked.
"I can..." He said, and after there was an awkward pause.
"...Will you?" I asked, and he shook his head.
"How about... no." He said, adjusting his hat.
"No? Why not?!" I asked disconcertingly. He stopped and stared at me for a while.
"...Because, if I turn you back now, you'll never understand to the fullest extent of what I've done." He said floating in place as he curled his legs down under his body.
"To the fullest extent? I don't... fine, I'll play along. What do I have to do?" I asked, and he bared his toothy grin.
"First, go see Zecora, she has a package for you. Finally go find your marefriend, and give it to her. Then I will change you back." He said. It had a bit of a sadistic... almost narcissistic ring to it, but I had no other choice.
"That's it? That's all I have to do?" I asked, and he nodded vigorously.
"That's it, that's all you have to do... but not all you can do." He said, nudging me with his elbow. "Be sure that you take your time, dash is fiery, and you'll need your energy." He said with a wink before disappearing in a foul smelling smoke.
"That... troll." I muttered to myself. I looked around quickly, and ran down the alley. I getting better at running, I still had my strength, but I was having some trouble with coordination. I had to sneak around Ponyville, and away from mares with surprisingly strong noses.
"Alright, just going to head up to the barn, grab my pocket knife really quick... and stop talking to myself..." I said, trotting quickly up the path to the barn. I open the door, walking inside, and see my Jacket on the bed. I walk over to it, and pull my knife out of my pocket. As I take it in my mouth I hear a light creaking noise. I looked up to see what it was and was met with three pairs of large eyes on the support beam. Who were they you might ask? Well none other than two dictionaries and a chicken. Yes you guessed it. The Cutie Mark Crusaders.
"Hey Mr. What're you doing?" Asked Sweetie Belle, with her curious voice.
"I'm retrieving a knife, but I might ask why you are up there. It's dangerous." I said, putting the knife down.
"We're the Cutie Mark Crusaders! We're trying to find our cutie marks." Said Apple Bloom, stepping forward.
"I see, well I doubt your cutie marks will be of broken bones, so get down from there." I said, and the crusaders looked at each other.
"Oh fine, but if our cutie marks do turn out to be tightrope walking, you'll be sorry you stopped us." Scootaloo said, and I rolled my eyes.
"Just get down, and go play somewhere safer." I said grabbing the knife, and walking toward the door. The three sighed, and started to climb down.
"Yes sir..." They said simultaneously, and I started to pass them. Scootaloo was the first down, and Apple Bloom was halfway down. Sweetie Belle however was having a bit of trouble. She reached her back hoof down, and tried to get a grip, but she missed and her hoof slipped loose.
She looked down and started to panic as she begun her descent. I stepped quickly beneath her, and she landed on my back, breaking her fall. She bounced off me, and onto the floor.
"Ok... no tightrope walking." She said as she stood up.
"You ok kid?" I asked, slightly muffled by the knife in my teeth.
"I'm fine," She said, as her friends rushed over to her. "and thanks for breaking my fall." She sighed.
"No problem, I'll just-" I started as I began to walk, and they stepped in front of me. "be going now." I said trying to walk around, but they stepped in my way again.
"But don't you want to stay, and hang out a while?" Asked Scootaloo.
"Sorry, I have somewhere I have to be." I said, continually trying to get around them, and failing.
"Come on, just a little while?" Apple Bloom said in protest. I started to back away and they began advancing.
"No I really have to-" I started, and backed into the pole. I quickly jumped over them, and stated to... "run!" I yelled back, and they quickly started to chase after me. I still lacked coordination, and the uneven surface made it even harder to run. I actually found Scootaloo catching up to me. I took a few quick turns to slow them down, and jumped a good ways over the fence, which worked as an obstacle for a short while.
"Wait!" I heard one of them cry, and I saw Scootaloo run up next to me.
"Get back child!" I yelled in fear, and ducked as she jumped at me. She went over my head, and once I made it to the road I outran them.
I eventually slowed down as I approached Everfree forest. I didn't know exactly where Zecora's hut was, but I remembered the path through the poison joke. I walked Around the poison joke, and down the path. It was then I realized I had lost my knife in the chase. It took about ten minutes to actually find the hut, but the trip back shouldn't be nearly as long.
I hope.

Pursuit of releif

I came up to the hut slowly, I didn't wan't to go fast if I didn't have to. It was hard waling on hooves, but I seemed to be getting the hang of it. I came up to the door, and knocked on it earnestly. The door opened, and there stood Zecora. She looked slightly distressed by my presence.
"You are here for the package, correct? You are not who I did expect." She stepped back to take a look at me.
"You were expecting someone else?" I asked, sitting down.
"I expected the one with eyes of fire, who's mere presence means your troubles are dire." She said, and it was obvious she meant Shallow.
"Shallow... What did he leave here for me?" I asked, and Zecora turned, swishing her tail as she walked. She grabbed a bag with her teeth, and turned back to me. She came over and set it by my feet.
"The dark one gave me this, and his words carried a hiss. 'If anything happens to it it's on your head' These are the words that he said." She said, and I opened the bag. I looked inside, and there was a blue powder. I pulled the bag shut, and laid it on my back.
"Dark one? Why'd you call him that?" I asked, and Zecora stepped closer.
"Did you not feel it in the air? There is evil lurking behind his stare." She said, shaking her head.
"Zecora, you of all people should know what it's like to be judged by your looks." I said with a sigh.
"I do not judge him by his guise, trusting him would be unwise. If you do fall for his lies, it will cause your own demise. So to you I must advise, to look past his disguise. Only then will you realize, what exactly is his prize." She said, and I can honestly say I would never had expected her to rhyme so many times...
"Oh... wow... umm... ok...?" I said, unsure how to respond to that.
"Excuse me for snapping, I don't mean to offend one so strapping." She said apologetically.
"It's no problem at all, though that was an impressive rhyme scheme might I say." I chuckled, and smiled.
"Why thank you very much. It's kind of you to say as such." She said, eyeing me with a heavy lidded gaze.
"Why are you looking at me like..." I said as she closed the door behind me. "Oh drat..." I backed into the door as she inched closer. "Now Zecora... you're not yourself right now. You're being fooled by your hormones." I said, but still she advanced.
"No, dear boy, I fall for no trick. I simply want yo-" She started, and I interrupted her.
"No, I don't think so. You are being affected by a pheromone." I said, and she had me standing shakily on two legs as she came uncomfortably close to me.
"It is I your pheromones do not effect, for it is you who is-" She started, and I interrupted her again by clearing my throat awkwardly.
"Will you please let me down, I need to be getting back. Ponies are expecting me." I said with a gulp as she laid a hoof on my chest.
"But I am so all alone, up here in my secluded home." She slid her hoof down my chest. "Not often do I have such luck, to have a strong stallion to-" She said and I interrupted her with a yelp.
"Will you please stop doing that?" I said anxiously, searching for the doorknob behind me.
"Mmm, The longer that we stand and talk, the more and more I want y-" She said as I opened the door, falling backwards onto the ground.
"This is becoming cartoonish... and quite frankly I'm not enjoying my gift..." I said out into the air. I quickly stood up, grabbing the bag in my teeth, and started to run, but being on an uneven surface again, I was slowed down, and Zecora was catching up to me. I waved through the trees trying to loose her, and failing. She came closer to me, and as I looked behind me I tumbled forward down a steep ridge.
When I reached the bottom I was luck enough to have broken my fall with my face. I looked up the hill, and saw her looking down, but it was to steep for her to traverse. She turned and walked away as I stood up, possibly to find a way around, but I'll be long gone by then. I tried to walk away, and found myself limping instead. Apparently I had twisted my hoof on the way downhill.
I limped oddly away finding my way out much slower, but easier than before. Now there was only one thing I had to do, find Dash... in a town full of obsessed mares... while limping. Sounds easy enough, right? I limped into town with the bag in my teeth, and tried to stick to the shadows as much as possible. It wasn't easy, and I had quite a few close calls, and after about an hour of searching... I figured out she wasn't actually in town...I checked Twilight's house, Applejack's, Pinkie's, Fluttershy's, and Rarity's; she wasn't in any of her favorite napping places either. I don't know where else she would be, seeing as the skies are clear today. So I set off to search places like the the market place, restaurant, and the hospital, she was nowhere to be found. I't hard to believe that I'd already done so much as it is, and it's barely past noon.
I eventually gave up searching, and just collapsed in the dirt. I sat there for a while, when it hit me; I had been everywhere in Ponyville, but not the one place above it. Rainbow Dash's house! Of course! The only problem now is finding a way up there... I tried the tree again, but I cannot jump nearly as high as I used to. So, I came up with the ingenious plan of catapulting myself up using the tree. Don't laugh, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
With some elbow grease (or would it be knee? I still haven't figured that out...) and about twenty minutes, I had the tree bent backwards, by a rope, and as soon as I loosed the rope, I would be tossed up onto the cloud/building. In theory. So I stood on the tree, and loosed the rope. I was launched into the air before I even knew what happened. At first I thought my plan worked, and felt pretty successful. That is, until I passed the house, and kept going.
I overshot by about seventy feet. The exact words that went through my mind were, and I quote: "I'm going to die as a pony, by falling on my girlfriend's house." That would have been a really weird last thought, but luckily I was wrong. I landed on the cloud hard, but everything seemed intact, other than my twisted hoof.
My limp now prominent, I kept all weight off of the injured legs, and hobbled into the house. As I walked in, I looked around, and seemingly nothing had changed; the only notable thing was that in the chair I was sitting in was a piece of paper. I looked at it, and there was something written on it. It looked like lyrics.