As I drove road kill -the most ironic name I can think of- toward the car scrap battlefield, I spent the road asking hay seed about what can he tell me about that place by the name of 'ponyville,' what sort of weapons my car can store and how does transfer it to my car before I turn into a beautiful Firefly and how many foes will I deal?

Answering the first question, I could sense a hint of disgust hay seed gave through the car's ham radio, that place I was sent to is a known loved place by many.

Ponyvile, the village where the heroes of Equestria met, the place where they gave away their ultimate over powered secret weapon for some selfish forest, and the place where they got defeated by the creature of chaos, Discord.

Also it was the opening reminder to all how much grateful Discord was to that place on how it gave him the chance to win this fight, to him it is a great 'thank you' to the place to be part of his master plan game of his, but to many who used to live in that place it's a horrible act which resulted on ponies leave their home.

Very sad, but I had to keep move on while stopped at the gas stop for some refill for both my car, adrenaline, and hunger.

Continue on Hey seed explained to me that road kill along with the other vehicles have magical artifacts manufactured by Discord himself installed in them which gave them the following:

1– The ability to transfer weapons, ammo, and health for my car, which can be found somewhere in the battlefield floating somewhere close to the ground with faint glow so it cannot be hard to see the car magically without the need to transfer it manually… thank god.

2– Enhancing the vehicle's defense and turbo for fast escape which can be re-charged the same way as ammo.

3– contains four stored spells in the car, Hay seed guided me to the buttons of these spells which are: temporary shield, freeze spell, and a mine, like before it can be recharged like ammo once it is used once.

4– and the silliest thing I ever heard is the ability to mini-jump, pretty useful for little extra height when near a cliff.

As for foes… I had to deal with seven at this round.

Still, more for me to go in this long endless road, I scrolled around the weapon choices and see what can each of these do in the fight exactly:

Machine Gun

The machine gun is your default, built-in weapon. There is no limit to its ammo thankfully - so I will never run out of machine gun bullets. whoever the guns do overheat, so I should pay attention to the Machine Gun Light which informs how close it is to overheat. Pretty useful for harassment… when I have the guts to be the hunter.

Homing

A great tracking weapon, but only useful in bunches obviously. To effectively use the homing weapon, which is the best tracking weapon of all I have to either target a weak target or give a threat shot to scare them off.

Power

Incredibly powerful, a deadly one, but without any tracking abilities, Power is a straight to the point kind of weapon, lethal shot. A very useful friend, a very deadly foe. I have to be careful if I ever encounter this one … along with the rest.

Fire

An average missile with an average power, the fire weapon doesn't track as well as the Homing, but it's slightly stronger, and it's not as powerful as the Power, but it strikes an excellent balance in between. A good weapon for I doesn't need to reconsider twice before shooting it.

Gas Can

As silly it sounds this one isn't silly in the fight for it's as deadly as power, a superb weapon that can be shot out in front of the car or dropped behind. What's so threatening about the Gas Can is its pure scary power, and the horrible collateral damage it causes. A group harassing weapon with simple use: Throw a Gas Can into a crowded foes and everybody takes it up the rump. To use this weapon most effectively according to my apple friend, deploy it and then when it's directly over the enemy's head press the same button I used to fire it and the Gas Can comes zooming down directly over the enemy's head. Like power, I need to watch this homing missile if I ever stumble on it… yet another deadly weapon to put my priority into.

Rico

Short for ricochet. Rico is a required skill-based weapon, rather than a basic one because in order for it to achieve maximum damage it must bounce off at least one wall to work correctly. Rico does a good amount of damage as a straightforward weapon - it shoots straight forward with no tracking abilities too. But it works much better as a rebound weapon. The more times it rebounds before hitting an opponent, the more damage it does. Pretty useful for some Deus ex-machine moment or something.

Special

This one as it says, 'special,' For each vehicle has a very powerful unique weapon that it's different from other foes based on the driver's taste. For an instance, Road kill shoots a single, or when used correctly, multiple missile launches… the same as homing but with fewer numbers due to the condition it is in plus the extra damage, it also can be recharged so I can choose on whether take a fast way or getting it or wait.

Reticle

The most and one of the strongest weapons that I ever saw and heard by Hay seed, the Reticule works by performing two relatively simple tasks. First, find an opponent –duh-, and then keep him or her in the Reticule sights for as long as possible, locking on to him. At the same time, press down the button and hold it. Keep holding it until I see the green outline start changing colors. When it switches from green to yellow to red it's time to let go. The longer I hold the button down the more powerful the Reticule attack. Same as the machine gun I can see how many missiles will be fired in the light next to the button, and for reason for if I hold it too long, I will lose both the weapon and my life altogether.

SAT

A barrage of missiles springs forth from the skies with this barrage attack. With SAT, a target appears in front of your vehicle. It's green and stays the same distance from your car at all times. The same as a reticle, place the target on an enemy and then wait for more carnage. The longer the missiles are in the sky the more powerful they become. Each passing second they are in the air, the target turns color, from green to yellow to red delivering an extensive damage.

AND FINALLY

Zoomy

With Zoomy, you will have 10 missiles and can be fired at any enemy. The trick with Zoomy is that they don't track enemies. They fire straight ahead, and enemies will try to avoid them with all of their skills. So, find an enemy that's traveling in a relatively straight pattern and let him have it… simple

After long days of learning and random shots at an abandoned area which was assured by my mechanic that it's fine, seeing how I needed all the training if I ever get a chance to win, from the depth of my guts I knew I had none.

But all that trip of regrets and sadness had to be halted… for the time being, for I arrived at Ponyvile

Hay seed did tell me how horrible the place is now, using his southern way, but I didn't expect it to be this destroyed.

Although some of the houses were amazingly still standing… barely, along with one giant clock building half destroyed and welcome those who were curious and crazy enough to look around, and others destroyed ones to pieces with signs of tires marks, oil splatters, and car pieces everywhere.

As I entered the field a blue bubble shield formed behind me, shutting us from the outside world while making sure that no one will think of dropping out of the contest.

The moment the shield has completely closed a voice of Discord could be heard above through Speakerphone, opening the window and look to the source, I saw the source of my rage giving his usual smile while sitting on some weird flying adorable creatures.

Discord announced that the match will start in five minutes and hope that everyone should go to their designated area giving to them through the map, the moment he finished this statement a sound of 'beeb' and a white dot appeared on the map with signs of where each weapon will respawn.

Taking my sweet time browse the place, location of weapons, and the enemies I saw prepare for the fight.

I only managed to see two cars: one with long sharp objects covered all side, 'A' for creativity and a four wheeled bike drove by a gray earth pony with red hair, assuming his hair color thanks to his tail since his head was covered with a biker helmet and wore biker's vest who use a four wheeled bike… at least I know I am not the only fucked in this fight.

Parked at the location I was given which was near some apple farm which had the same fate as the town, with two minutes remaining for the madness to start. I looked around town, think of a way to survive this madness, anxiety kicked in and increased higher and higher and ask myself if I can pull the trigger when the match starts.

The wait filled me more and more fear, trying to ignore it I decided to ask my only friend of crime of any tips that I could use, the only things he told me was that the clock tower stores the 'special' weapon in there, along with Heal station which heals you fully. It's a trap with a luring bait, A very good way to die, while at the same time it's good way to finish those who think of going in.

As good tip it was I only had 30 seconds remaining till the madness starts, as the clocks start to ticks louder and louder I heard a whisper, a familiar whisper… came from the ham radio. I didn't need to take a wild guess to know who was speak to me, but the words are what started my adrenaline.

Good luck, you will need it

The timer reached zero, two sounds came after it.

The sounds of weapons loaded into my gun: Machine gun, three Fire, and one special, and the sound madness in the center of the town.

As everyone started shooting one another without any sign of hesitating, I kept looking down between my legs, breathing heavily.

I knew it was gonna happen, but no matter how prepared, and well trained I was, I couldn’t press buttons… even though it was a fucking ponies. All I could do is move my tail left and right try to snap out of it with this weird way to comfort myself.

The sounds were blurry from how nervous I was, I could barely hear hay seed's sound of urgent, I guess he wanted me to move.

I took a small peek around, try my best to build the courage to move… anywhere away from this.

I saw cars ram and shoot one another, the sharp objects car I saw previously rammed the four wheeled bike pony who, by the looks of his bike's condition he was screwed, I wanted to close my eyes, but I kept watching the scene as it took a weird slow motion moment, the story Hay seed's told me on how Rarity died came back to me, the biker pony who got impaled on every part of his or her body suddenly transformed suddenly into Rarity, the way she always looked back in the damn show minus her guts spread all over the sharp pipes like some disgusting decoration with her lifeless eyes as the blood drips on the dirt, a weird small whistle start to echo through my ear, as I look closer and closer to Rarity's mouth where I saw sign of moment, getting closer and closer I tried to read her lips movement ignoring the blood splatter coming from it…getting closer and closer I noticed the color of her lips were going brown, I looked back to her face… only to see mine, and this time I heard who stood in front of me was saying, for he looks back to my face and said:

WAKE UP

Came back from insanity trip I witnessed that I was awoken by both Hay seed's loud voice demanding to move, and a power missile coming my way which was shot by some school bus. Following my fear instinct, I pressed the first button my hoof reached, shooting the three fire missiles in fear while hit the Handbrake going anywhere but here.

Both rockets of the bus driver and mine rammed toward each other, making a huge black smoke screen blinding my view on where to go, I couldn’t see where the other two rockets of mine landed but I knew that the bus driver was in front of me and I had to turn now unless I wanted to turn into pony pasta.

Since I pressed the handbrake too hard and I was in fear mode, I took a hard left turn from the area I assume the driver was heading, the sound of the engine get louder with the smell of gasoline enter my nostril filled made my eyes open wide like drinking two black coffee in the morning.

Entering the smoke a huge wind passed on my right with the bus driver remove the smoke with his speed he made from the turbo he released, Road kill rotated on the left due on how I took small bump from him which was enough to make me risen a little bit, and with the small bump on the dirt which was enough to send me high enough to look at the face of the bus driver.

Who I assumed to be fat sweaty man turns out to be a light green mare, purple eyes, and a dreadlocks red, with a little weird mix of orange colored hair… who was waving peacefully at me?

And was she… was she driving without wearing a seatbelt?

As much I wanted to go back to conform myself back then I couldn’t do that for my car went barrel roll all the way to some huge tree, shake my head a lot, resulting in huge desire to release my breakfast, opening the door leaving the engine open, I went outside my car releasing my pain all out.

After horrible pain to my stomach, I looked back to the place I rolled in, only to see two other cars which I wasn't in good condition to see their details after the stunt I made. Running back to the car I drove rotate to the forest and hope to lose them there, looking back the rear mirror I witnessed that both cars stopped chasing after me and went back to killing each other.

I guessed the risk of ramming a tree for them was not worth the chase so they decided to finish each other off.

I didn't really care for the reason why they retreated, all I cared now is some time to collect myself together…eat and drink something

Hidden somewhere deep in the forest, blending the car with tree branches and turn the engine off, I spent inside the car eating as many hay burger –still annoyed isn't meat- as I can while drinking lots of water bottles, then take a huge breath.

Although I barely did anything in the battle, I was scared shitless to go outside the forest to fight those ponies, I needed time, I wanted to calm down.

Bending the driver seat to lie down, close my eyes to think of way to win this, the only good news I had within myself is that one pony died –not by me but still good news- and possibly more lowering the competition, but if it does happens the lone survivor will go after me, gun loaded, and fully healed, what if it was more the one and they both decided to work together to finish me as some sort camper?

To shorten this pity story I was in, I was making endless theories of my death, one of them is joining with that impaled pony, but the thought was cut by a weird sound which came from the forest. Standing up straight, closing the window, lock the door, and turn the engine I looked around, prepare to hit engine, sane part of me –small percentage but still there- tried to calm me assuring me it could be a silly rabbit.

Still looking left and right I didn't spot any sign of any car, I calmed down.

Realizing that the ham radio was shut off when I turned off the engine, turn it on I was welcomed with a fear scream of hay seed, who went full Southern on me, I had a hard time understanding what he said which really made me happy hear someone friendly.

After he calmed down I assured him that I was fine, telling him what happened, and hiding away from their rockets. After I explained to him what I did, I asked him what happened in the town?

Apparently, my little break wasn't as little as I made it be, for I missed a lot.

Three ponies died in the fight, the clock tower building still standing somehow, and if I don't get a kill I will be disqualified…. What?

Yup, turns out, Discord won't give me a break even if I tried to take one. In order to win this fight and not consider as a loser, I need to finish one pony… fuuuuuuuuuuuun

Checking the car condition, which was 70%, threw the leftovers through the window with the napkin I wiped my mouth with and prepared myself. I need to move, make a kill… and try not to puke my break meal too.

Before I moved on I heard the same noise yet again, this time I prepared my weapon… Although I have kind of hesitated for this kill idea.

Hay seed time of question was perfect for my paranoia got me back there, he wanted to know where I hid.

I told him I went to the forest.

He went silent on me for a couple of seconds, for a moment I thought the ham radio jammed on me, I got my ear closer to see if there's a static –cause I am smart boy- and welcomed with the soothing of voice of my scared friend who said "Get the hay outa here" except it was ear deafening and sent me back to the chair with horrible pain.

I hit the handbrake but the car didn't move anywhere, the car hold by some evil black vines who came out of nowhere, crushing my car slowly.

Shooting machine gun, Hay seed though it is perfect timing to explain to me that this forest is both cursed and alive and it doesn't appreciate any uninvited guests, He informed me to get out… no shit?

My long break of calm down wasted by evil vines, all I could do inside the car was looking for my choices of weapon:

The machine gun was useless toward the vines for no matter how many bullets I shot the vines shrugged it off

I used all of my fire rockets back on the farm, and I as much I wanted to use special I got paranoid that it won't work since I thought it seeks after heat itself.

The more I thought of a way out the more the forest chews on a chunk of my car's health, and by the looks of the car's condition and how I see some spikes managed to penetrate the armor, I had no time.

Looking and looking I knew that my options of weapons were limited –I only had a machine gun for god's sake- none of the spells were gonna help me minus the shield which gave me small extra time.

25% remained till Road Kill is done, and just like one of those cliché moments in movies an answer was given to me at the last moment.

I hit The turbot.

It started with a small push as I hold dearly for both the button and the wheel, hope that it works, and by the sound the forest made from how strong the turbo was, it seems it worked.

The vines hold to my car was loosened enough for me to fly freely, and I mean it when I say 'fly' for I flew away to the away from the eldritch horror.

My entire pony body had a hard time on how fast I went with this light car, the focus was required on how very narrow the road is, and the chance of losing conscious was high didn't help –yet another training I have to after this if I make it.-

Looking back to the rear mirror I saw that the forest wasn't keen on the idea of me leaving it alone, If ramming a tree at the speed of light wasn't enough to kill me, then a spiky vine entering my flesh and tearing me a part will.

Somehow, with fear and desire to live, I witnessed a beautiful light in front of me which led me to the exit, it would've been an awesome moment if it weren't for the fact that the light was too strong that I had to close my eyes on how strong it was. I turned the wheel left and right for some scared reason making me do, yet another, barrel rolls toward the town.

I knew that I was in the forest cause I saw the bus lady waving back at me yet again, and unlike before I didn't puke my guts out, but instead, I went to a little nap.

Another retreat, another nothing major I did there.

I have no idea how long I slept from this horrible experience, but one thing I knew was the following:

My car's engine was on fire, but it didn't explode for some reason.

I rammed a house and destroyed it, some of the building's pricks managed to slip inside the car.

And there was lots of red liquid on my clothes, some of it not mine, looking at the wind shield I saw a corpse of a mare, did I do this? What is she doing on a battlefield?

Holding my breath, I used my leg to poke the mare to fall away from the car, for both her stench –which was the smell that woke me up to begin with- and the fact I wasn't in a good state to puke again.

Dizzy and with no clue what happened I pushed the concrete from my door and climbed my way up to the top to see what happened. A bad move I know, but when you get rammed too hard to build, see dead mare, and have blood on your forehead, your brain would go numb.

Reaching the top I witnessed I missed a lot of things, for the entire everything is a mess.

Last time I checked from my pal Hay seed, a three ponies died as I was in the forest, but what I saw was more than that.

The two cars who chased me back then, along with an unknown car were ripped to pieces, ripped by the vines of the Everfree forest.

By the looks of the scene, the forest had the ability to leave its comfort zone and kill anyone near it.

Scan the area I saw one of the survivors, a three wheeled blue car driving its way out of the grasps of the forest and the crazy bus who kept chasing the poor driver down. The forest tries to grab the bus but the both the size and it's armor makes sure it won't have a chance.

As much I wanted to see the fight, I had to use this detraction to my advantage, I crawled my way down to my destroyed car, checking in its condition.

90% CRITICAL

Not sure how lucky I was back then, but by god I was thankful for this beautiful feat.

I took one more peek on the fight, whoever was riding that three wheeled car he looks like he had a history of being harassed or something, I had to use his skill to my advantage.

Move the car to safety, slowly but surely I pressed the handbrake as light as I can and hope no one hears the engine noise it makes…. Or see the smoke of the fire.

I had to go to the clock tower, an opportunity only comes once in a lifetime, and seeing the state of both me and Road Kill, we needed to take it.

As I moved with extreme caution, I noticed that the radio was jammed thanks to some brick fall on it. Fixing the radio wasn't that efficient for all I did is rotate waves hope for a small spark to hear Hay seed's voice.

Nothing, I had to move on without him, and seeing how I was in the town center I knew I am getting closer to the goal, I checked both the mirror and the radar for any signs.

At this point, I assume you spotted the hint that something bad will happen, and you would be right.

For the moment my car climbed its way to the safe zone, the three wheeled car flew its way down the town center, crashing upside down. The distraction reached its limit and I had to book it.

Hitting the handbrake as far my hoof can reach I went straight to the healing station with a yellow dot following behind me, and the fact fire missiles were flying randomly for both bury and hope to hit me with the sound of a machine gun.

That smiling mare was after my ass.

Although the building was too narrow for the fire missiles to enter, the machine guns were small and were damaging me in a horrible way.

I saw the healing station, and it looked too weird to be called one. It looked like something from Frankenstein's operating table with its electricity sparkles around the blank.

Screw it.

Hitting the last turbo I had in, for the last moment for the last bullets shot toward me to almost reach its target.

The healing machine, the magical machine which amazingly not only turned my car back in time back in the garage but also fully healed me, all the blood I had on me was gone along with a headache.

It wasn't over, driving the shiny scrap of a car, I drove my way out of the building with the use of my special weapon to shoot as many as I can on the building, and seeing how many Special I had from not using it one bit. I had enough.

First shot: the place crumbles.

Second shot: I saw movement on the walls.

Third shot: Breaking the last leg I got out of the building with style, drifting around to watch the bus driver mare fall on her own trap seeing how many fire rockets she wasted on the place.

Before I lose my view to her as the building's exit became too small and too tough for her to exit I saw her looks at me… waving at me with a sad smile.

And she was gone.

…..Anyway

Turning on the radio, Hay seed, welcomed me with a shocked voice who didn't know what to say besides: "How did I do it?"

That was the ultimate question indeed.

I saw ponies die in front of me in a horrible way, I almost got squashed by an evil vine, and most of all I accidentally killed an innocent mare who I still have no clue why was she there?

I guess after that shock of the healing station, My head got clean from the pain, I remembered that I joined this madness.

I remembered that I need to win if I want to go back home.

I need to bear this madness, I have to win, that's what I told myself.

Stopping the motivating talk I Spoke confusingly when I remembered: what happened to the Everfree forest angry vines?

My radar didn't sense any signs of the vines or anything around town, Hay seed informed me that Discord decided that the 'environment' damage lasted longer than it should so he got rid of it.

I had the feeling he made it 'longer than it should' for me specifically.

But none of it matters for I won this darn match.

Taking a deep breath I waited for the income announcement

AND THE WINNER IS: COUCH POTATO

Still hated that name.

The bubble shield went away as the announcement and the voices of the crowd booing at me were over, it didn't really matter to me.

I won

And I really need to both upgrade Road Kill and take shower

Author's Note

I don't really think I need to put tag of her since she only showed once