Twisted Metal: The easy road

Back when I was little kid, I made a code where I would avoid every humiliating event as possible, when you are in school your name would change into a nickname which gets stuck till you go to college or change school… Imagine my reaction when I got caught spilling the pies all over the ground right after the fight where I finished it in an epic way.

After I washed off my face off and cleaned my mouth for Cheerilee's sake we drove to the hidden cave chief Thunderhooves asked us to go to for the sake of fulfilling a 'dead buffalo's wish.'

We drove slowly while hearing the radio, mostly due to how tired we were we didn't have the power to say anything but look at the road, DJ PON3 kept laughing at the change of event and how surprised she was when she realized I won the fight, Her friend of chat enthusiastic miss Octavia kept replying to her with 'aha' and 'of course' she sounds like a party animal in parties… and as I feared the news reporter lady decided to mention the puking part with every detail to my luck, I could see a hint of chuckle slightly slipping for the miss nappy nap partner of mine which I didn't mind seeing how I needed every light mood as I can when we reach the cave which located in the south of the fort.

Getting sick of the news I was going to shut it down and maybe later change the wave in hope to hear a soothing voice drawing something nice, but my hoof stopped for we took notice we reached our location.

The only thing Thunderhooves didn't tell us about the cave that it's an underground mine like cave, except it's built for the aim of safety of Buffalo kind, I honked the horn in hope someone would reply back, I honked again and again till I opened the window and yelled "We don't mean harm, the fight is over and we need to talk with Buffalo by the name of Strongheart."

I lower the volume of the radio and waited, Cheerilee asked if it's okay if I stay in the car while she talks with her explaining her father's wish, seeing how I am 'not in a perfect charismatic state to speak' aka I smell bad and my eyes are bloodshot as hell… I agreed since I don't like to be the one to break the news of her father's demise.

The night stroke and we still didn't get any buffalo to show their brown hide of theirs, and if I didn't mention this before I will say it here: Patience wasn't my strongest unless I was in life or death situation… which I wasn't, so I honked the hell out horn and activated the car's light since part of me knew there was some of them are hidden near the cave entrance, Cheerilee couldn’t stop me since she wasn't in state to fight a very tired humiliated stallion who waited what if felt like a 4 hours, she simply looked forward and prepare to extinguish a very raging buffalos demand to stop the noise.

Turn on the car's lights, I confirmed my suspicion on them hiding among the rocks, it was four Buffalos each blending in with a rock while adding some grass on their heads, I stopped the horn and screamed again "We are tired and hungry, you either show us the buffalo lady or we will leave with her father's last wish!"

It worked and the ones in hiding raised from their hiding place, exit the cave each two of them stood between the entrance where the daughter of the chief came out of her hiding along with elders and youngers buffalos walk slowly behind her with fear.

When Thunderhooves called her "little Strongheart," I thought he was being all father cuddling, but as it turns out the nickname was literal for she was the size of a pony, unlike her grown-up brothers and sisters.

She looked like a deer than a buffalo, yellow hair tied with a feathered headband wrapped around it but I could see an eye of a fighter.

Nudge Cheerilee to fulfill her part she gets out of the car and trotted slowly to the brave little buffalo, and while she did that I raised the radio a little and hoped DJ PON3 would say something interesting instead of making fun of me, in which she kinda did… she asked if it was okay to review me in her podcast along with her all smile and cheer miss Octavia which I need to state she is my favorite.

Before she explained the benefit and what is awaiting me in Canterlot I closed the radio and looked at how well the representative of the pony kind miss Cheerilee doing with the Buffalos peace treaty, it was dark… and by that I mean I can't see anything for the windows and windshield got darker and darker… did I press something Hayseed added in Roadkill?

I checked left and right, there was nothing new added, I tried to open the window and door, both of them are locked… I was stuck.

I tried to barge open the door, someone tapped on my shoulder and passed me a crowbar, glad to be not the only one suffering in this pro- WAIT WHAT?

I looked who passed it to me, and it's no other but the annoying little shit, Discord.

Sitting on Cheerilee's chair and bend it as bed he lied down asking me "what up" to which I replied back with an attempt to commit murder on him and get on with it… only for the crowbar to explode like a balloon.

Snap his paw with his annoying smug face of his he strapped me with safety belts wrap all around me, forbid me from doing anything but swearing and demand to return me back home, in which he replied it with "Nope, and I am here for an offer."

I tried to scream for the buffalos to save me, anything for the sake of not seeing this monster not until he announces he will return me back home, something I knew it won't happen.

"It's no use, we are strapped in a safe private room of mine where no one will hear us, which it happen to be like Roadkill… by the way, you need to change the name of this car, it sounds like someone desperate to get killed or something, once you are done screaming please stay silent for a while so I can give you the offer which may save you."

Help me? Help me! That animal accident took me away from my home and sit next to me like some old roommate offer me a deal or something, as tempting it is to release loads of insults which will result to get grounded for an entire year if my dad hears it I think I need to hear his deal… not that I have anything else to do besides watching him playing castle card on his chest, I decided to listen.

"I see the two matches changed your behavior, for a moment I thought you will insult me too hard that your daddy would ground you for an entire year if he hears you-"

Does he read minds?

"-So here is the thing, You are reaching the expert's area, they will be more powerful than the RV and smarter than you if you didn't stay silent to hear the deal… so my deal is: If you go to this DJ PON3's podcast and answered every answer she gives to you… and yes you are allowed to lie as long it involves your 'real life you' questions if you go to Canterlot and do it your reward will be a fun 'map' where you the chance of your survival is higher compared to you not fulfilling the deal." He finished explaining the deal with him showing a projection on my chance of survival with crayon drawings of what I assume is me smiling happily up in the top, while there is drawing of dead me lying on a puddle of blood in the bottom of the projection.

So my choices are either I go to someplace known as Canterlot and humiliate myself even more in the interview… or refuse and go to some battle in which Discord will make sure it will be as hard as he can imagine… it was pretty obvious I was desperate.

I stated I will accept the offer if he answers some of the questions, it was a long shot but I wanted to know- he accepted and told to hurry up with it while juggling a bunch of hamsters around… I won't question him.

My first question is: why he wants me to get interview, he answered me with "I want everyone to know you even more, if you will make a name of yourself may as well go in there and dance showing them the real you." snap his finger yet again making me wear a ballet dancer clothes, I didn't care… and moved on.

Few nags on remove the damn attire –I couldn’t move on- I moved on to the second question: "Will I encounter the main six? And is there a way to move on without taking their life?" My goal is to come back home, killing what I assume 'the heroes of the story' was a simple guilt trip on my way home… I knew the chance of winning is slim by each fight but I need to be optimistic, Discord kept playing his goat beard of his for a while, then shook his head "As much I hate to see one of my two favorite contestants die when… or rather 'if' they encounter each other I am afraid that these are the rules… unless they die before you meet them, cheat, or give up, dealing with the main six is guaranteed if both sides kept going." As expected and feared, but still the 'give up' part caught my attention… I had a stupid plan and I may execute it when the time comes.

My final question –Discord got tired of the wait and demand my answer to this last question- was this: "I know that you are aware of us taking a Buffalo with us… are you gonna stop us?" There were other questions I could ask which could help me in the future, but the safety of that little one hit my skull yet again –yet another theme in which will be pain to my head- Discord gave an innocent smile which I knew lies a demonic laugh "I will neither harm this little one nor punish the buffalos from this little smuggle attempt… only if you accept." …That mother-

…

Gave my sigh of defeat I agreed to Discord's deal: Doing an interview with DJ PON3 in exchange of giving me an easy road to drive through and keep his dirty paw –or claw- away from Strongheart and her family… at least not making their life any more miserable.

We shacked our ha- hoof, and paw while we looked at one another, with me giving him a gaze of 'you better stick to your promise' and he replies with a smug smile of 'Stick to your promise I will stick to mine,' and just like that he snapped his claw… and disappeared with a giggle echoing through the car… and the darkened windows feature turned off.

I lied off and stared at the ceiling, thinking what to do before heading to Canterlot… but before my schedule of the week get written the doors of the car got opened, with Cheerilee sit on the shotgun seat with a sincere comfort smile in which made me look back only to see the one open in the back none other but Strongheart… and by the looks of it introduce myself to her had to be delayed till they are far enough for a small speech.

So we drove under the light of the moon

It my took a while but we managed to get her full name which was 'little Strongheart' -Little is actually is part of her name…so when she grows up she will be called big Strongheart or something?- The start wasn't that nice for she went through the five stages of grief and loss:

Stage one: she didn't believe it back in the cave when Cheerilee announced her father's death and tried best not press any nerve in her.

Stage two: then along the way she started to blame us for everything we did and how she should finish us right here right now in which Cheerilee comfort her and explained to her how we managed to save her father long enough to hear his wish

Stage Three: She asked us if we could go back to AppleLoosa explaining to us how she knew a buffalo capable of healing all sort of wounds and he may save her father… in which Cheerilee explained to her once again resulting in her to reach the fourth stage and spent the entire journey with a complete silence.

Before we entered the city, we covered our smuggled depressed buffalo fried with wrappers and pies –and she said my mess won't help us- we drove our way to my motel where it is safe to hide Little Strongheart till we find a decent place she can live in peace till this contest finishes.

Unlike my previous match the way the ponies treated me was different from before, they went from 'We don't accept your kind around here' to 'Eh, you are cool to our book for now' for no one attacked or threw any rotten tomatoes at us, and I could see hint of proud in one of the taxi drivers as he passed by us.

Parked the car in front of the motel I contacted Hayseed to the car's location and the need of him to hook Roadkill with his tow truck of his and put some touches with it while we settle our guest in my welcoming dusty warm home of mine.

Open a room next to mine –with force which I think it's a benefit of being a normal horse- and wear a clean gear I dust the room from any form of germs and pests while Cheerilee hosts our gust on my couch, the room Little Strongheart shared the same details as mine, the only complaint I had the room had a bed unlike mine.
After hours of clean and cough all around I managed to finish cleaning the place fast enough to have enough hours of sleep before I prepare myself to go to Canterlot.

In the next day I woke up earlier than I usually do for the rare occasion, wash my face off with a water bottle -due to how I have no clue how to explain a plumber to fix an entire motel for two rooms- I walked outside my room, take peek on how my neighbor doing I saw that Cheerilee decided to buy herself a bed sheet and tuck in with Little Strongheart whom I could see she spent the entire night in tears for I could see the tears river it's way to the pillow.

Leaving them be I got outside of the motel where I saw that Hayseed took RoadKill to his garage which gave me an excuse for a leg day, my next destination:

Barbershop: When you live an entire week in a horse world fighting them off with rockets and bullets it would be no surprise your head ignores your hygiene state, thanks to the TW card, all doors of fixing myself was open with no financial problems, remove my 'you are hobo- itchy beard and moustache and turned my shaggy hair into spikey cool style.

Spa: A location I didn't expect for me to ever go, but when you have a card allowing you to many places and one of them a five stars bath… an abuse of this card will occur, my spikey may get slightly ruined but a small sacrifice had to be done for the sake of a better smell.

Fancy clothes: I didn't like it, but if I was gonna go to a place where I will mark my name to the entire world and clean the vomit I made, I had to be as fancy as fancy pants himself, wear a fancy black suit and blue tie, I was ready… till I remembered Hayseed will take two days or three to finish with RoadKill… and I wanted knew the road is very long for me to wait a couple days, the free I get the more training I will get.

I bought myself a ticket to Canterlot and waste some of my reward bits, that and I felt a weird sensation when Cheerilee discover where I am going she may question me endlessly and I am not in a mood to explain to her that Satan visited me and I had a deal with him… and Hayseed was too busy for me to announce for him, that and I highly doubt will be whiny as my partner.

I felt uncomfortable as I walked in the caboose, many gazes roamed around me and I knew it wasn't curiosity who will travel with them.

The room I was given to was two comfy seats facing one another, a small window of your heart and hours of fun with whoever will set with me.

As the train moved away from Manehatten I felt odd about how left a Manehatten using another transport instead of Roadkill, the feel was… comforting and weird at the same time, I felt at peace, no gun attached to me, no buttons to blow anything… just me and a train filled with ponies I don't know or care about.

As I admire the beauty of the mountains, the voice of door slide opened could be heard behind me, my roommate took his sweet time to arrive in the room we already got close to Canterlot, He gave me an apology for the late arrival for he spent the entire journey talking with an old friend who stumbled to him along the way to the room.

The moment I saw my late roommate I knew that Discord must put some spell on me cause it always attracted people to me, for he is Fancypants the CEO of Fancypants for your wild fancy wishes carCompany, and the way he looked at me I wasn't the only one familiar with him, both of us kept staring at each other not certain what to say.. at least I am the one not certain cause his shocked state went away and replaced back to his sunny smile.

Put his suit case below his seat he began the roommates introduction chat by giving away his name and occupation, I did the same but before I finished my name he apologized to me and explained that he is aware who I am and wished to know why I was heading to Canterlot, I replied back and told him I had an interview with a mare by the name of DJ P0N3 and I wish to finish as fast as possible so I can prepare myself for my next match next week, I asked him the same question in which he explained he came to Manehatten to check on his company performance and check if every'pony' was doing their job correctly, he admitted he was meant to visit it next week but he thought to catch the manager of this branch off guard would be a better way to see how they truly act.

He asked me how come I didn't join in which a explained I did but his company kicked me due to how it's my first time join in the contest and lack of driving experience, his cheerful mode went away for a minute then it came back after few serious stares on the floor… Someone is gonna gets fired, and it was my fault… but this time I felt good due to how they made me walk all the way to them only to be kicked instantly.

The rest of the journey was actually nice, FancyPants was generous enough that he asked the staff to bring the best meal they store in their kitchen, our conversation was a questions on how life, what is my wish if I win, and how disappointed FancyPants is on how the staff of his company kicked a passionate skilled driver aka me since his company was meant to train all form drivers who seek to work under their company name in exchange of experience and lots of benefits, I asked him if this is a code in the company to hire all form of ponies regardless of their skills in which he answered to me that it is but he can't control the ponies working from another city.

"I fully understand they to improve the company skills by hiring the best form of ponies… but due to how dangerous the job is it is pretty obvious that they will wait forever which is why I keep informing them in the company introduction that instead of waiting for an excellent skilled worker they should create on from scratch… something it seems they can't wait for either on how long it takes, how much it costs, and how it doesn’t guarantee to bring the 'final product' they asked for." Did I say happy conversation? I meant to say a business speech between a CEO and a very hungry stallion munching on carrots –desperate to eat anything- and it didn't help he passed his business card at me offering me a chance to work for him.

His offers were simple, he will give me a brand new car with all form new technology his company ever obtained, a training with a pro driver and a room in a five stars hotel in exchange of sponsoring his company… the offer was too good to be true, I asked him if he will jump in the fray and make my life harder, and how he gave a playful smile and a 'maybe' I didn't like it.

We entered Canterlot's train station, FancyPants carried his suitcase and was ready to leave off but before we did so both of us asked something at the same time which we both apologized, FancyPants insisted that I would ask first.

"How many contestants who are sponsoring your contest are still alive?"

FancyPants looked grim when I finished the question.

"Zero, they all died.. the last contestant was an RV driver who we gave him the best form of defense and installed the car with the strongest turbo in the company… defeated by the driver's stupidity and unfortunate luck."

…

RV? The same RV I almost died to? The RV who crushed my soul figuratively and literally? Screw his smile, this guy wanted to join cause I won the fight his best red neck fighter joined in, My happy mood changed and I was going to leave the place but unfortunately, I had to hear his question.

"I wanted to ask you if you are in interested to join us… by the looks of how my honesty went and how I read your facial expression I don't, you will agree, know that there is nothing personal, I am not just running business… I guess my question would be: How far are you willing to go to get the wish?"

How far?... this is a question was as stupid as asking Cheerilee if she is a teacher while teaching in front of a bunch of kids.

"As far as my lungs can carry me, open the radio, for when the interview begins you will understand everything."

"I will look forward to it."

We got out of the train station and took our marry roads, in a place I have weak knowledge about.
Better level up my charisma points if I don't want to add one more nickname with 'puke boy.'

Walking under the light of the moon I took notice that Manehatten was more confusing than Canterlot, a city filled with high buildings and streets each lead somewhere vs. city built under a castle, the homes are made by the finest form of materials… the beauty of this place fooled me for a second made me believe that there is no blood massacre outside this place.

Talk to the citizens I asked around the place about its history, any restaurants nearby, and can they tell me where DJ P0N3 podcast works.

From what I gathered: Two princesses used to live in that castle, Princess Celestia, and Princess Luna… the Princesses of The Sun and Moon were the leaders of Equestria and the guardians after the main six if they failed, according to the butler who served me a tasty tea, they fought Discord using all of their spell and magic… they were meant to win but Discord slipped away from their strongest spell result in capture them in a very weak state, nobody knows what did Discord do to them, some think he holds them hostages somewhere in Equestria, and some assume he killed them and harnessed their power and control the sun and moon.

The restaurants were too fancy to my taste, the prices were too high, and the meal doesn't feed a mouse… thankfully there were none fancy ones which had more meal to feed a village.

As for where DJ P0N3 was… she was in the castle, should've figured seeing how the castle was surrounded with Christmas lights surrounding the entire area, neon lights light on entrance labeled "We party all night", and to add the mix up there is news roam around that the driver of RoadKill was coming to Canterlot for the review… they knew I was coming, what they didn't know is that I came by train since they prepared cameras and journals staring at the street which leads to Manehatten.

Walk my way to the entrance I was welcomed by loud noises of the Dub, ponies with weird fashion danced in very odd way, drinks passed all around and with the knowledge of parties I declined politely, the place was crowded and had to push my way to the snacks and refreshment table and ask where is DJ P0N3.

Talking with these ponies was useless… maybe due to the brownie, they hold while lying under table explain how the light is shiny and floating, hold my breath I went back to dancing crowd.

Follow the music's source which got louder and louder for my ears to handle –the flaw of being pony not able to walk with two hooves- a very bright lights of many colors could be soon on the stage where I saw a unicorn whom I knew it was DJ P0N3… mostly being the one doing the whole DJ-ing the party.

White coat, Hair which was strip of light and dark blue, and the mark of some music note –I didn't study music so I had no idea what kind of note it is- she wore purple-colored sunglasses so I couldn’t see the color of her eyes.

Gotta admit, that mare had skills, meanwhile a normal DJ use hands she used both her front and back hoof for more music spiciness.

I managed to Pass through the guard who covered the stage thanks to the drunks who fully charged on him, only for him to hold them all with ease, that guy must've gone through the army to hold this many of drunks.

I climbed my way to the very excited mare who smoked the shit out of the machine to the point I think it will burn, I nudged to her shoulder couple of times… the mare said something which I barely heard due to how the loud the music is but I think she said "not now" which I screamed to her that I came for the interview, she said what and I repeated it once again and she said what for the third time… In one of the cliché awkward moments, I gathered all of my strength in my vocal cords to repeat it once again, the music suddenly stopped and it was too late to stop me.

"SHUT THE GODDAMN MUSIC SO I CAN TELL YOU I AM HERE FOR THE INTERVIEW YA DEAF!!"

Taking a deep breath to collect myself I took an awkward realization to see that everyone was staring at me… along with DJ P0N3.

.

..

…

Her eyes are magenta