The Man in the Tower

by faygoDrive

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Mystery, Comedy, Random
Length: 1079

You cannot defeat him.

Celestia encounters a strange figure in her quarters on her one day off.

Inspired by my high-as-balls alter ego Tower Lord.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2017-04-08 03:42:32 UTC

The Man in the Tower

Celestia was enjoying a quiet evening on her one day off. Looking out of her window as she sips on some fancy tea, she gazes at her wonderful sunset. She wondered if anyone was praising the sun (other than the usual cultist) as they rightfully should. She made a mental note to make that a law.

Dealing with nobles and incompetent leaders of other nations would come tomorrow. The view from her tower quarters was pretty, she could see all the little ponies milling about and going to and fro. She could also see the cultist praising the sun at the castle gates. Her favorite part is when he gets beaten by the guards for public masturbation.

The evening was just like the other hundreds of evenings she had whenever she had her day off. Except there was another presence in the room, about five meters behind her.

"You are not the first assassin sent to kill me, you know," said Celestia, readying herself for another swift execution of yet another killer sent to stop her from doing pink princess things. "...and you will not be the last."

Celestia powered up some magic in her horn and swiftly faced the intruder and fired.

The magical blast dispersed, leaving no sign of it ever being cast. Instead, a tall two-legged figure stood in her way.

"I am Tower Lord. I am immortal, you cannot defeat me." said the figure.

"This is new," Celestia said with a gentle smile. "Not many can survive a magical discharge from my horn. I'll grant you a few moments to state your business, okay dear?"

"I have hardly a trifle here in this land. I am immortal. You cannot defeat me. I am Tower Lord." said Tower Lord. Celestia stood up, gazing at the figure who stood between her and the exit. The figure wore a brilliant gray set of armor, and held two swords. The figure stood at just a little over Celestia's eye level. A yellow light shone out of Tower Lord's helmet where his eyes would be.

"If you defeat me in a duel, I shall grant you one wish. Only one. You could wish for more wishes, if you'd like, but surprisingly not many fools choose that option. The one who chose that option died shortly after." Tower Lord said in his low, overpowering voice.

"I care not for wishes. I already have all I need." replied Celestia.

"You dare deny this opportunity?"

"I dare not to let my greed get the best of me."

Tower Lord tossed over one of his swords.

"We shall duel." said Tower Lord. Celestia caught the sword with her magical aura, and set it on the ground quickly yet gently.

"We shall not duel. For trespassing in my tower, you have committed a crime and you will be-" Ce;estia was interrupted by the force of a thousand suns.

"I AM RULER OF THIS REALM. BY REFUSING MY DUEL YOU WILL NOT BE SHOWN MERCY." Tower Lord bellowed.

"Excuse me? This is the sovereign land of Equestria, and you will not gain control of it!" piped Celestia, temper beginning to show.

"PICK UP YOUR SWORD AND FIGHT, YOU VILE WENCH. I FEAR NO MORTAL. I FEAR NO IMMORTAL. I AM TOWER LORD. I AM IMMORTAL.

YOU CANNOT DEFEAT ME. WE SHALL DUEL."

Tower Lord lunged forwards with his sword. Celestia used her magic to pick up the sword Tower Lord lent her, and parried.

"You parry me, and I will parry your access to the afterworld." Tower Lord said before attacking once more, only to be blocked once again. Celestia took the hot teapot and shoved it in Tower Lord's face area, only for the teapot to be blasted out of existence.

"You cannot blind me, I am immortal. I am Tower Lord. You cannot defeat me."

Celestia growled, and thrusted with her sword. The sword pierced Tower Lord's chestplate, but Tower Lord grabbed the sword by the handle. Grabbing the sword by the handle dissipated any magic brought towards it, and thus he was able to slide it out and toss it back over to Celestia. Celestia did not grab the sword.

"I am immortal." said Tower Lord. Unfortunately, Celestia took the spare moment to charge up a spell that would send Tower Lord elsewhere, to some place where she had no dominion over.

"You shall become somepony else's problem. I tire of your insolence." spat out Celestia. An inter-dimensional portal opened under Tower Lord, and he fell through.

"ONLY WHEN ONE HAS STOPPED FIGHTING IS WHEN ONE IS DEFEATED. I SHALL RETURN. I AM TOWER LORD, YOU CANNOT DEFE-"

Tower Lord fell through the portal, and Celestia closed it.

"Ugh, these kinds of things shouldn't be happening so often." uttered Celestia. She sat back down at her table, enjoyed the view once more and made some more tea.

"I am Tower Lord. You cannot get rid of me. I am immortal. The realm you sent me to was already conquered by I. You cannot defeat me." said Tower Lord, suddenly reappearing. Celestia scowled.

Tower Lord and Celestia had been dueling for hours now, and Celestia was beginning to tire. Tower Lord shown no signs of faltering.

"You weaken! You shall be defeated!" shouted Tower Lord. "I am Tower Lord! I am immortal! You couldn't defeat me!"

"You are, huff, a strange creature. Why do you wish to duel me so dearly?" Celestia asked, panting. Celestia could hold her defenses no longer, and she couldn't call for help. She was defeated already. Tower Lord drops his sword, and struts on over to Celestia who is kneeling on the floor of her quarters.

Surprisingly enough, the duel hasn't even touched anything other than her feelings in the room. This was no worry to Celestia, because she somehow had her magic drained to the point of exhaustion. At least she would be defeated with a tidy bed.

"Because I am Tower Lord. I am immortal. I do not falter. You cannot defeat me. Your wish has been denied. No single entity can defeat me. Your failure to request help had its consequences." Tower Lord put his mouth near Celestia's ear, and whispered.

"I am Tower Lord. I am immortal. You cannot defeat me. There will always be someone more powerful than you."

Tower Lord vanished, and then Anon, who was still trapped in Ponyville's prison, woke up from his dream.