May she rein forevermore

by bonamb

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life
Length: 1473

Twilight is concerned about the excess of puns in modern equestrian culture.

Twilight is concerned about the excess of puns in modern equestrian culture. She asks somepony for help.

Published 2017-04-09 16:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-04-09 16:50:01 UTC

Language is unstable by nature

Twilight Sparkle stood outside Celestia's office.

This door had always intimidated her. Perhaps it was too shiny? Princess of the sun, yes. Princess of overcom- never mind.

Shuffling the papers in her magic and swallowing nervously, she raised her hoof and knocked.

"Come in!" A voice trilled from inside. Pushing it open, she stepped in and stopped when Celestia raised an eyebrow. "Twilight? I didn’t realise you were in Canterlot." She trotted out from behind the desk and leaned down with a forehoof to give the smaller pony a hug "is everything quite alright?"

"What? Yes! Everything's good! Everything." Twilight shuffled her hooves. "Um." She hesitated.

Celestia cocked her head in concern, then nodded. "I think we should go to a bit more of an informal environment" She looked around her and chuckled. "I think the royal designers overdid this room a bit. Although, it certainly impresses-"

"-The ambassadors! Yes!" Twilight covered her mouth and blushed. Removing her hooves, she continued. "Sorry princess, it’s just this is where you receive academics, and, well, this" she floated the papers a little higher "is of that nature."

"Oh?" The white alicorn stood back a little. "Well, not a spur of the moment visit to see your dear old teacher then?" Celestia tutted. "Colour me disappointed." Turning with a wink, she walked back behind the desk and sat on the cushion. Adopting a more serious expression and clearing her throat she gestured for Twilight to sit opposite. "So, Doctor Sparkle. Regale me."

Twilight's brain began quickly trotting over the speech she had planned. On second thought, perhaps it was a bit too formal. Perhaps she should start differently.

Sitting opposite Celestia, she withdrew a sheaf of paper from the packet and began to shuffle through it. Without taking her eyes off her work she spoke. "So, this particular study occurred when I was doing research into the etymology of nouns which applied to both social and thaumic situations because I had found a trend dating back to before Clover and the great migration – but anyway" she dismissed the thought with her hoof "I found something interesting – Ahah!" She excitedly drew out a slip of paper that unfolded into a graph.

Holding it aloft with her magic she stalled as Celestia leaned in to study it a little more closely. After a second, the great alicorn nodded for her to continue.

"Now, initially I was a little stumped because what this graph is showing is so incredibly commonplace it just seems... odd to imagine it differently" she coughed and quickly traced her hoof along the exponential curve drawn on the paper "but, essentially what I found was that starting just under a thousand years ago, all concrete and proper nouns based in Equestria, and then spreading to the rest of the world, gradually changed to become more appropriate to the species of that particular locale!"

The corner of Celestia's mouth quirked. "So, what you're saying is that all the names used to be less... horsey?

Twilight nodded "Yes! Exactly that!"

The alicorn steepled her forehooves and leant her chin on them. "Interesting. Tell me more"

"Well. I haven't exactly found a cause yet, but about 20 years AN, at the beginning of your solo reign, settlements began to appear with names belonging to a more equine semantic field, examples being Manehatten and Fillydelphia among others. Then, 30 years after that, the new capital was founded and called Canterlot!" Twilight's hoof paused on the graph, hovering over a suddenly elevated line. "Then, as you see here it spiked and along with new names, older settlements and towns began to be renamed by the local administration as shown in, um" Twilight picked up the papers and began to frantically leaf through them again.

A golden aura surrounded the smaller pony's lavender one and a gentle voice interrupted her growing panic. "I think I shall have to take your word for it Twilight. Please, continue."

Twilight glanced at the now sitting up Celestia, who nodded reassuringly. The alicorn looked as serious as she did when holding court. Holding court for politicians and nobles...

What?

She shook her head and continued.

"Then, at about 300 AN or as close as I can determine -" she flipped the chart to display a different graph "- this naming phenomenon began to spread to other countries." She flicked her hoof. "Obviously, Yakyakistan and Griffonstone would be the main examples, but there were smaller locations or settlements belonging to different species such as the Smokey Mountains, which used to be dragon territory, and so on" Shifting on her cushion, Twilight withdrew another sheaf from the packet. "Now, this continued to rise until today where almost every name is a pun of some sort, correlating to the species of the largest portion of the population. And-" Twilight frowned. "I can't find a cause."

Celestia stared at her for a second before shaking her head. "Well, Twilight. I'm sure with your very thorough research you'll be able to come up with an answer." She appeared to consider it for a long second. "Perhaps it's a little more obvious than you thought?"

Twilight stared down at the contents list of her papers. Looking back at the alicorn she placed them on the desk and sighed. "I did consider almost everything, princess! It didn’t stem from the popular vote, although it did begin to catch on due to the nobility after a while. It wasn’t from an outside influence like Discord, even if it does seem similar to something he would do." She tapped her hooves on the table in frustration "It wasn’t even from general linguistic evolution or semantic change where the puns were derived from the names of the places. It was the other way round, proven by S. Horseson's dictionary!" She slumped, pushing the packet towards her teacher. "I was hoping you might have an idea but thinking about it again I just don’t know! I'm thinking of crazy conspiracy theories, like a society of secret pescriptivists or some group in power that has been present for the last... thousand...?" The words trailed off as she sat there, disbelief appearing on her face as she stared at the stoic princess opposite her.

Celestia's mouth twitched in a brave attempt to hold back a smile. "Whoops?"

Twilight was silent.

"Well, my faithful student." Celestia made a show of looking out of the window "It looks to be time for the afternoon court. I fear you will have to present the rest of your ideas at a later date. You are welcome to stay but I cant promise that I will be back for quite a while."

As the elder alicorn quickly trotted around her and vanished through the door, Twilight found her voice.

"Wait, what? Princess!" She leapt up and hurried after her mentor. Turning the corner of the corridor which lead towards the throne room she broke into a jog to keep up with the alicorn's far longer strides. Drawing level, she tried to collect herself. "Prelest- Princess Celestia! You changed the names?!"

Celestia coughed daintily without breaking her speedy stride. "I think the group of radical pescriptivists is far more likely Twilight. Have you seen what's happening at the moment with that academy in Fancy?"

"Well, yes. But they were only formed just under four hundred years ago or so!" Twilight huffed out a breath. She wasn't used to running and talking. Or just running. "Why did you do it?"

"Well, Twilight." They stopped just outside the back doors entrance to the throne room. "I can’t say that I did... but." She paused, glancing down at her student and grinning. "Luna just happens to have a dislike of puns, and lets just say a little payback was in order for the whole nightmare moon debacle."

Turning away and masterfully suppressing a giggle, Celestia shook her head and quickly composed herself. Stepping through the doorway, the Princess of Equestria trotted into the Throne room, door shutting behind her.

Twilight stared at a blank spot on the wall.

Really.

Five minutes later a clopping of hooves sounded and from around the corner came a princess of the night. Walking past the stunned Twilight she recognised the signs and raised her coffee in silent salute. There was no shame in losing to Celestia.

As she wandered away she hoped her sister hadn't found out about the neon blue thermochromatic dye on her cushion yet. It would be funnier that way.

Author's Note

[Insert obligatory horse pun here].
I don't know. This kinda wrote itself.

Plz criticise comment and like and all that.

Hope you enjoyed!

Edit: Had to leave quickly so I may have tossed this through and forgotten a few things. For now though? Phone edits!