Twilight Sparkle vs Sans

by Mega-PoNEO

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover
Length: 946

Sans from Undertale proves more competent than any of the villains, successfully dunking on Twilight and showing her how stupid the FiM villains were.

After six seasons of super-powerful villains just letting the heroes win, the Mane 6 meet a tougher and smarter one: Sans, the lovable comic relief skeleton from Undertale. He does stuff that the other villains don't. As usual, Twilight's friends are rendered useless, and Sans' tactics are more than a match for Twilight's lack of combat training and reliance on friendship. Unlike the FiM villains, he doesn't just let her win…

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2017-04-09 18:39:53 UTC

Geeeeet dunked on!

The Mane 6 returned from an unmemorable battle against a nondescript enemy threatening Equestria. The battle was exactly like every other villain episode and not worth mentioning - don't worry, you're not missing anything. Little did they know, their next enemy was going to be a lot tougher. It was a bipedal skeleton, Sans. Before his fight against them, he greeted them with a pre-battle quote: "heya. you've been busy, huh? so i've got a question for you. do you think you can just rely on those one-hit blasts forever? that the magic of friendship can't be beat? heh heh heh heh...all right...here's some friendly advice. if you keep going the way you are now..." His eye pupils then vanished. "you're gonna have a bad time."

Twilight questioned, "Bad time? We're gonna continue having a go-" before being shot repeatedly by the skeleton's signature deer skull-shaped laser cannons, Gaster Blasters, while he threw bones at her. "Hey, interrupting like that is rude! Where are your manners?"

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Sans answered, "first up, you rely too much on your words, leaving yourselves open to attack. i always wondered why people never use their strongest attack first or strike when the enemy is talking. talking leaves enemies open to attack."

Twilight got up and charged at Sans, only for him to step aside, grab her right arm/front leg, and throw her onto a wall. "what? you think i'm just going to stand there and take it? that's how all your enemies were defeated." Then he dodged several magic shots from her, with "MISS" in capital letters popping up where he used to be each time.

Twilight replied, "He's too tough. I can't beat him alone. You guys, get him! Don't just stand there being useless as usual." Her friends then stood in a circle around him, preparing to attack.

Sans began to speak to Twilight's friends, who just stood there as talking is usually a free action for them. "it's a beautiful day outside. birds are singing...flowers are blooming...on these days, a group of friends like you..."

His Gaster Blasters and several bones hit Twilight's friends non-stop until they fell to the floor dramatically. "are completely useless in villain episodes and should be burning in hell." They then transformed into their Rainbow Power forms and shot a rainbow laser at him, which he also dodged.  He then shot back. As the Rainbow Power forms had previously taken no damage from Tirek's beam, they stood there expecting to shrug off the Gaster Blaster too, but that wasn't the case. The rainbowfied mane 5 were painfully blasted into the wall and fell, reverting to normal and unable to get up. "what did i tell you? everyone who stood there and took it was stupid!"

Twilight was enraged at Sans beating up her friends like that, and also surprised that Rainbow Power failed against him. "You...dirty friend killer." Then she did something she had never attempted on any villains: A force choke. But Sans turned her soul blue and telekinetically slammed her up and down onto the floor, canceling the force choke. The exact same thing happened when she charged up a special attack projectile, canceling the attack.

"do you think you're the only one with that ability? you never use it when appropriate. it's not just the soul slam, but you always forget your massive arsenal of spells when convenient. you made no attempt to capture sunset shimmer when she stole the crown. and i'm a dirty friend killer? no. you allowed your friends to be captured, drained of magic, and used as hostages. you led them into a super obvious trap, getting yourselves stripped of your cutie marks and special talents. and you constantly get thrust into the spotlight so often that the show might as well be called 'twilight is best pony'. and you make all this mistakes, just so your writers can save you through convenience."

Twilight, failing to hit Sans again multiple times with her lasers, used a force field to block some Gaster Blasters and bones, only for the barrier to prove useless against them. Sans shrugged and remarked, "weren't you paying attention as to what happened to your friends?" One more laser penetrated the barrier and knocked her back. She took some time to memorize the bone and blaster patterns, but then Sans started cancelling the attacks into others, hitting her even more. Then finally, he turned her soul blue again and slammed her repeatedly to an inch of her life. "oh, the magic of friendship will always prevail? go ahead, friend me. show me the magic that was able to defeat nightmare moon, discord, chrysalis, king sombra, tirek, and starlight glimmer. the magic of friendship, of course."

Too exhausted to use any more alicorn magic, Twilight offered her hoof to Sans. "Okay okay skeleton, you win! You can have my friendship." Little did she know that...

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Sans held her hoof. "friendship... it's really great, right? let's quit fighting. just turn off your magic, and...well, my job will be a lot easier." Then he span her and threw her sideways into a wall of bones, leaving her unable to get back up.

"Friendship...can't lose..." As Twilight started losing consciousness, her hoof fell to the floor and everything from her POV went black."

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Then Sans taunted her, "geeeet dunked on! i'm much smarter than any of the villains you've ever met. the only reason why any of them are beaten is because first they do something really stupid, then they just stand there and let your blast of friendship hit them. and starlight just gave up."

THE END