Darkness. Sometimes, that’s all the world is. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. I have lived in the darkness of this world for so long, that almost everyday I expect to get a call that someone is gone. That is, if I even wake up.
My name is Desert Breeze. I’m a pegasus from a village in the San Palomino Desert. I may seem young, but life experience has taught me more then I need to know. I’ve seen death from old age, cancer, heart conditions, suicide, accidents, stabbings, and more. However, through everything I have gone through, I face my hardest task yet. Dementia. Dementia is something I have little experience with, so it’s a struggle everyday to provide for the one who provided for me.
“Good morning Cactus Rose.” Smiling I walk through the door, holding a tray with my wing. On it is a variety of medication I have to give her every morning, a pudding cup, and single slice of toast -because I know she won’t eat more than that-, a glass of water, and a moist towel to wipe her off. It’s the same routine I do every morning. Six am sharp.
“Is it morning already?” Cactus asked, pulling her blankets closer to her to keep the cool morning air out.
Smiling, I set the tray down on the nightstand, before sitting on the edge of the bed. I reach over with my hoof, and slowly rub her back. “I’m afraid so. We just need to do your medicine so that you won’t be in pain. Can you sit up for me please?” Watching her nod her head yes, I reach my hooves behind her back while giggling a little so she won’t be scared.
“Hug” I exclaim softly, while sitting her up on the edge of the bed. “Good job. Here, let’s move your pillow so you can lean on it.” I explain while leaning her long pillow against the edge of the bed. First so she can lean and take pressure off her back, and second is so that if she fell over she wouldn’t hurt herself.
“Ok, we need to do you puffer first. It will help your breathing. When I say now, please take a deep breath in and hold your breath until I tell you to release it.” I slowly slide the inhaler into the aerial chamber and hold it up to her mouth. Pushing it, I say now and listen as she tries to take a deep breath and count to ten.
“Ok, you can breath again.”
“Eck, that tastes horrible.” Cactus mumbles
I hold up the glass of water for her to sip out of. “I know, I’m sorry. There’s not much I can do about the taste.”
Next I pull out a syringe filled with a liquid to help her get the nutrients she’s missing out on by not eating. “Ok. This one I will squirt in your mouth, and then I need you to swallow it and take a sip of water.” Holding it up to her mouth, I wait patiently for her to open. I quickly squeeze it in, watching carefully to make sure she doesn’t choke on it. I watch her swallow it. Satisfied I give her a small sip of water.
“Ok. Time for they yummy stuff. Chocolate pudding.” I can’t help but smile watching her face light up at the mention of chocolate. Taking a small spoonful, I slowly slide her first pill in. “Alright, open up.” Watching as she opens her mouth, I place the spoon in, pulling it out after she closes. I continue to feed her the next five pills in pudding. After that she get’s tired of it, and refuses any more pudding.
“Alright, let’s eat your toast.” Smiling, I pick up a bite size piece and place it in her mouth. Watching carefully once again to make sure she doesn't choke. I wait patiently until she finishes, and give her the next piece. We do it one more time until half the toast is gone, and she refuses anymore.
“You did really good this morning. Alright, let me get you a fresh pair of “pants”, and we’ll get you all cleaned up. Laying her back down on her bed, I adjust her pillows and get her comfortable. Slowly I take off her pants and diaper, disposing of the diaper in a plastic bag, cleaning her up, and fitting the new one on her. I replace her pants before she gets too cold.
"Alright, time to change your shirt."
Hugging her again, I sit her up... again. Pulling her shirt over her head, I take the warm towel and wipe her off, before placing a clean shirt on her. Carefully laying her back down, I cover her up with her blankets, wrap her arms around a stuffed dog that she loves to snuggle with, gather everything and turn off the lights.
I take everything into the kitchen only a couple steps away, before going back in. Leaning down I give her one last hug, and a kiss on the forehead. “Get some more sleep. I’ll see you in a couple hours for lunch.”
“Is it morning? She whispers, looking around her room.
“Yes. It’s morning.”
“Do I have to take my medicine?”
Smiling, I shake my head. “Nope. You don’t have any medicine for a couple hours.”
Smiling, she snuggles into her soft blankets again mumbling “good. I don’t want no medicine. Have you seen Desert Breeze?”
Just like that, everything hits me at once. I can’t help it. We do this every morning, and every morning it’s the same thing. “I think she’s at a friend's house. She should be here later tonight.” I lie as my chest starts to feel heavy.
“Tell her that Ma wants hay burgers for supper. She’s been asking for them.”
"Ma" died over forty years ago, how could she be asking for them? “Don’t worry, I’ll let Desert Breeze know that we’re having hayburgers for supper.” Smiling the best I can, I give her one more kiss on her forehead, watching her turn over onto her side away from the door.
Going into the kitchen, I put everything away, clean the couple of dishes that I used and placed them in the drying rack. Satisfied, I peek around the corner. Noticing she’s sound asleep, I slip into my bedroom across the hall.
Quietly closing the door, I go over and sit down on the floor next to my bed. The same spot I sit in every morning. Grabbing a small picture of Cactus Rose and I playing in her front yard, I can’t help but think back to how she used to be. Back before this devil cursed her. Tears start running down my face as the memories resurface. I know she’s still here, but it’s not her. Not anymore. I sit there for a few moments, until the rush of emotions run out.
Placing the picture back, I go into my bathroom. I wash my face, before putting on some clean clothes. Looking myself over -even though no one would see me-, I feel somewhat normal in actual clothes. In the desert we have to wear clothes, because the sun is so strong that it can make us sick.
Reaching into the medicine cabinet, I pull out my pills and quickly take them. Satisfied, I look at the clock.
“Wow. It’s already 7:30.’ Going into the living room, I stare at the couch that has a sheet, pillow and blanket. I’ve slept on this couch for almost two years. I turn on the monitor to hear my Grandma if she needs me. “An hour nap won’t hurt.” Falling down onto the couch, I pull the blanket over me and close my eyes. It doesn’t take long for me to fall asleep.
Fire. Opening my eyes, all I can see. The house, even the neighborhood. Rushing into my Grandma’s room I can’t help but stare. She’s pale as a ghost. Using my hooves, I shake her, finally falling onto the floor crying when I realize that she isn’t waking up.
“Please. Why?” I start crying, feeling the heat from the fire start to burn my coat.
“It’s alright young one.”
Jumping slightly as I feel a hoof on my withers, I turn around to notice a blue alicorn standing behind me.
“Princess Luna?” I whisper, the room feeling cold as the flames slowly die away. A white light flashes and I find myself in a park. Looking around, I notice a familiar filly on the swings.
“That’s me…”
“Desert, you are an incredible mare. Taking care of those who are dying, is the most caring and noble thing anypony can do. It takes a special pony to be able to handle it.”
“The thing is, I don’t know if I can handle it anymore. I can’t watch her keep going like this…”
Feeling a wing wrap around me, I feel myself being pulled into a hug. Without a word, a large blue hoof reaches up and wipes the tears from my face.
“You doubt yourself Desert. That is why I have brought you here. Do you remember this day?” Looking over, I watched as filly Desert Breeze fell off the swing, breaking her leg.
“I remember. It was while I was getting my cast that we found out about my other Grandmother.”
“Where it all started."
Nodding my head, I start recalling the long journey. “She had an aggressive form of brain cancer. I remember that it was while I was helping take care of her, that I discovered that I loved helping ponies.”
A white light blinds me again, as we are taken into a small room. A hospital bed with loud machines stood in the corner, with a nurse and young filly giving the mare in the bed a sponge bath. “Do you notice how nopony else is there? You were strong enough to be able to stand up and help somepony in need. Even though you knew they were dying. Everypony else had been focused on paperwork, funeral arrangements, and selling belongings. You were one of the very few that didn’t care about that stuff. You knew she was still alive, and needed help. That was all that mattered”
“The nurse couldn’t do it by herself, so she taught me what to do. Even though I was only eight years old. That’s when I got my cutie mark.” I explain, smiling as I look back at my mark.
One last time a white light blinds me, and I find myself back in the house, staring at my sleeping Grandmother. “She’s still here, and needs you now. Back then you helped the nurse because she wasn’t able to do it by herself. You shouldn’t be able to do it by yourself, but you do. You push through the hard times day after day, because you are selfless enough to put yourself aside to help those who need you the most. Even if it may seem impossible.”
“Thank you Luna. I just don’t understand how ponies can be suffering so much, and no one cares enough to help them.”
“What about you?”
“Me?”
“You don’t care enough to help her?” Grinning. Luna wiped my tears away again, as I looked back at my sleeping grandmother.
“Of course I do. I have to. She needs me.”
I watch as the room around me starts to shimmer, and my living room starts coming into focus. Getting up, I peek around the corner to see my Grandma still sound asleep. Smiling, I go into my bathroom one last time, wash my face, before going into the kitchen. Making myself a cup of coffee and grabbing a piece of fruit for breakfast, I start organizing everything I will need for today. Feeling satisfied that my job is done for now, I hear my Grandma call for help.
Rushing in, I find her curled up in a ball in the middle of her bed. “What’s wrong?”
“I want to go home. I don’t like it here. Tell Prickly Pear to take me home.”
Prickly Pear. The last person I took care of after finding out he had lung cancer. Prickly Pear, my Grandfather, my hero. He took care of me when the rest of my family couldn’t be bothered. He taught me almost everything I know. I think about him every day since he left us five years ago.
“Please, call Prickly. I want to go home.” Cactus begs. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I gently stroke her back with my hoof.
“Prickly is at work right now. I’m sure tonight he’ll take you home.” I hum a soft lullaby, rubbing her back until she calms down. Smiling I boop her muzzle, and give her a kiss on the cheek. Her giggling just makes this all worthwhile. I straighten her out again, tuck her in, give her, her little stuffed dog, and quietly leave as she falls back asleep.
“Alright. I guess it's time to start lunch.”
